Bad Daddies And Bondage Fun

S02E10

We open with a wider shot of our Slayer Mexican standoff. Buffy, out of breath, tells Kendra to repeat her claim. Kendra asserts that she's the Slayer. Buffy tells her to pull the other one, that she's the real Slayer, but Kendra, becoming an early adopter of that nowadays-very-sound manifesto with the utilitarian title of "Ignore Everything Buffy Says," says there can be only one, and she's it. Buffy proposes "no kicko, no fighto" until they can go to Giles and figure out what's up, and Kendra agrees. Buffy asks if Kendra was dispatched to Sunnydale, and Kendra confirms that her Watcher sent her. Buffy snottily asks why, but Kendra duhs her: "To do my duty. I am here to kill vampires."

In a nice cut, we see sunlight pouring in through the window of Willy's supply room. The camera pans right to show Angel huddled in a corner, presumably with only minutes before he'll be in direct contact with the light. And remember, this was back in the days when sunlight actually killed vampires, rather than merely causing them slight daytime travel inconveniences. Creepy baroque music plays as the camera pans in on a shivering, panting Angel. Credits.

Library. Giles is in the process of interviewing Kendra. He learns that her Watcher is called "Sam Zabuto," and says that although they've never met, he knows that he's very well respected. Unless I say otherwise, assume that Buffy is snitty in every comment directed Kendra's way in this episode. Not that I'm not going to use some form of "snit" more than any other word in the rest of the recap, but I just thought I'd warn you, so you're not burdened with pesky things like pattern detection. Kendra introduces herself, and tells Giles she has no surname. Buffy: "Can you say 'stuck in the eighties'?" If only that were true. Shakira, are your ears burning? Kendra, for her part, continues to ignore Buffy as much as possible. I like her.

Willow enters, and Kendra immediately accosts her. Buffy: "Back off, Pink Ranger!" Thanks, Buffy. Two minutes in, and you've got me picturing Amy Jo Johnson's rodent-like face. Blech. Although there is an in-joke there, if I'm not mistaken, as Sophia Crawford was both Amy Jo's stunt double on Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers and SMG's on Buffy. Anyway. Buffy tells Kendra that Willow's her friend, and Kendra doesn't understand. Buffy, somewhat disingenuously missing Kendra's unspoken point, snots that she's out of ideas, and I'd like to throw "The Yoko Factor" in her face. Giles explains to Kendra that a few "civilians" know about Buffy's Slayer identity, and even socialize with her. Kendra's appalled, as the Slayer is supposed to work in secret, for security purposes. As I said above, I like Kendra, but frankly, I think keeping a Slayer's identity secret would be well-nigh impossible over time, especially in a small town like Sunnydale. I mean, all you need is for one demon or vamp to survive a fight with her and the whole community would hear about it, right? Giles stammers that with Buffy, some flexibility is required. Giles, you really should have been a diplomat. Willow asks what's going on, and they tell her. She says she thought two Slayers at the same time wasn't possible, and Giles agrees, saying that the new Slayer is only called after the one's death. Meaningful glances all around. Giles says that since Buffy was, for a moment, physically dead, it caused "the activation of the Slayer."

Okay, buckle up, kids. We're about to go on the Great American Scream Machine of Couch Baron rants. Deep breath. First of all, no one on the show has ever, to the best of my knowledge, explained what exactly it means when a Slayer is "called." I think, however, from what we've seen, it's reasonable to conclude that it refers to some sort of mystical transference whereby the new Slayer receives her strength and whatever other skills come with the package. Fine. Now, apparently, as Kendra and the current SiTs indicate, the Watcher's Council gets information, from whatever mystical or magical source, as to the identities of "potential" Slayers, and assigns these girls Watchers as soon as they're known. However, as Buffy's example indicates, the Council doesn't get wind of all the potentials. So here's where I channel Rico from Six Feet Under and say: What the fucking fuck? I mean, what sort of mystical information source would give the Council dozens of names of "potential" Slayers and not include a certain Buffy Summers, who actually became a Slayer, on the list? I'd be willing to accept grudgingly that the Council might find these girls based on their having some advanced fighting abilities, if no magical sources were available. However, since they clearly state in this episode that Kendra was found when she was too young even to remember her parents, can anyone explain by what means they could have done so other than magic? And if they're using magic to locate girls of such a young age, does anyone have a reasonable explanation (besides lazy writing) of how some girls slip through their fingers? I don't mean an elaborate fanwank -- that won't cut the mustard, although one may exist. But can anyone simply and logically reconcile all the pieces of the mythology we've seen? Yeah, that's what I thought. And I wasn't anywhere near as bothered by the sloppy and inconsistent storytelling in earlier seasons as I am in the current one. Why? Because the Slayer mythology is crucial to the plot of every single fucking recent episode. And please don't tell me that this is all neatly explained in the Watcher's Guide, or some Joss interview, or any other such nonsense, because I should be able to make some sort of sense of it by, you know, watching the show.

Continuity: Wow, you're really bent out of shape about this, huh?
Couch Baron: Well, what do you expect? You used to give a shit about this show.
Continuity: Now, I realize it may be hard to believe, but everything's going to be wrapped up in an explanation that makes sense. I swear on all that's good and holy.
Couch Baron: Well, that's a huge relief. Shake on it?
Continuity: Uh, what?
Couch Baron: A handshake, to seal the deal.
Continuity: Er, I really don't think that's necessary. How about I just give you a hearty thumbs-up?
Couch Baron: I knew it. Continuity is dead, and you're the First Evil.
Morphy!Continuity: Well, congratulations, you figured it out. I'm surprised you didn't shake your fist at the sky and yell, "You bastards! You killed Continuity!"
Couch Baron: Do you ever shut up?

Well, that explains a lot. I'm definitely instituting a handshake policy with all personified literary devices with whom I hang out in the future. And I think that would be a good policy for ME to establish among its staff -- I'd be willing to bet no one's touched Joss in quite some time. Not to mention Rebecca Rand Kirshner. I really wasn't planning to depart into full-scale bitterness here, but I rarely get such a clear shot at the current season, so why the hell not? I mean, this once was my favorite show. I actually used to get excited in the hour or so leading up to eight o'clock on Tuesdays. But now, all I can say is that what I considered to be one of the smartest and most well-written shows on television is now an unrecognizable steaming heap of dreck that makes me almost catatonically utter "a wizard did it" about twenty times an episode just to make sense of the plot developments while shivering from the copious amounts of liquid that flew out of the TV when the Buffy shark hit the water after its quadruple twisting flip of Dawn, magic addiction, Slayers in training (to mangle the Slayer mythology almost as much as they mangle their accents), and Spike: 100% less snark, 100% fewer clothes!

Whew. Never did a run-on sentence feel so cathartic. And if that rant doesn't get me scads of hate mail, I don't know what will.

Back to the recap. Giles says he's flummoxed. Buffy thinks the solution is obvious: Kendra goes home. Kendra demurs, however, saying that her Watcher told her "all de signs indicate dat a very dark power's a-boat to rise in Sunnydale." Well, if by "dark," you mean "cartoonish and silly." And since Marti wrote this episode, and we all know that that's exactly how she defines "dark," it all fits! Buffy snottily asks if Kendra's just going to go around attacking people randomly. Upon hearing a negative, she asks why Kendra attacked her. Kendra says she thought Buffy was a vampire, and the fact that Buffy, a sixteen-year-old girl, was asleep in an apartment with no mirrors in it at all kind of lets you see where she's coming from. Buffy snits. Kendra, unfazed, says that she had good reason to think Buffy and sunlight were two great tastes that taste burnt together, as she saw her kissing a vampire. Willow blurts that Buffy would never do that, but at Buffy's "Ride On The Clue Train" look, corrects herself that Buffy only does that with Angel. Buffy's cross is prominently displayed around her neck, and it suddenly occurs to me that catching sight of it could be the reason that Kendra backed off the fight in Angel's apartment. That makes me happy -- I'd never really successfully fanwanked that before. Buffy explains that Kendra saw her with Angel, and that he's good. Good? Good-looking, I'll give you. Actor? Not so much. Kendra ominously refers to him as "Angelus," and says that she's read about him, and he's a monster. Giles and Willow stick up for Angel, but Kendra, either having seen engravings of him, having overheard his name before she attacked him, or both, says, "He looked to me just like another animal when I..." Buffy: "What did you do?"

Supply room. There's sunshine on Angel's shoulders, and it ain't makin' him happy. He hears a noise, and looks up. He appears very weak and possibly delusional, but that could just be his default setting. Anyway, Willy opens the cage, smiles in a possibly evil manner, and drags Angel out by his feet. There but for the grace of Willy goes a spin-off. In the main room, Willy opens a small panel in the floor, and drops Angel through it. Angel lands in the sewer, and moves about a little, not looking particularly conscious. Willy lowers himself down after him, and Spike creepily appears from the shadows with a couple of henchvamps in tow. Willy says that Angel will be as good as new in a day or so. I assume that once Angel was caged, Willy seized the moment and contacted Spike himself, because I can't imagine how he thought he could trap Angel without Kendra's serendipitous involvement. Spike starts to move toward Angel, whose shirt has somehow come unbuttoned, but Willy asks for his payment. Spike gives him several bills, but adds a warning, "Talk and I'll have your guts for garters." For good measure, he drops one of the bills in the sewer water. Heh. The henchvamps pick Angel up and cart him off. Willy asks Spike what he's going to do with Angel. Spike: "I'm thinking maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know." That's more than enough encouragement for the slashfic writers, I'll wager. Also, remember when Spike was a competent villain? I know it didn't last long and all, but I miss that.

Chez Summers. Cordy asks Norman if he has anything in raisin, as she's "both a winter and a summer." Well, you've certainly seen enough of both, dear. Norman, with less personality than Ali MacGraw's character on Dynasty, tells her it's "$9.99, tax included." I thought he wasn't selling anything? Give me the Avon lady any day. Cordy notes that he said that already, and something indescribable about her delivery of that line sends me into a giggling fit every time. She then inquires if he has anything in the "berry family." How about a nice shade of clueberry? And I know that's the second time I've said that a character in this episode needs a clue, but honestly, these folks really should be buying in bulk. Norman creepily asks if there are any other "ladies" in the house, and I'm forced to point out again that I don't see the logic of him going to the trouble to take up a vigil in the -door neighbor's house, with binoculars even, if he's not going to discern exactly who was in the house before he came over. Cordy says that they're not home. "You know, nothing personal, but maybe you should look into selling dictionaries or...some..." The Music Of It's Gettin', It's Gettin', It's Gettin' Kinda Scary kicks up as Cordy sees a bug emerge from Norman's sleeve and crawl across his hand. Cordy looks horrified as Xander reappears. Xander asks what's going on, and Cordy says that Norman's a salesman, and that he's just leaving, like, nice try. Xander makes to lead him out. "Okay, Mary Kay, time to" -- we see a bug run across Norman's face and into his ear -- "time to run." Xander and Cordy run into another room, instead of out the door, as Norman's face turns into a mass of larvae, then blows apart and falls to the floor. I suppose his clothing and glasses were made of larvae too. Sigh. The kids rush into another room and find a reconstituted Norman in it, which is just plain silly. They go through the basement door and close it behind them. The larvae try to get in through the crack between the floor and the door. Cordy hands Xander some duct tape: "I don't do worms." Just wait until "Expecting." Although I think Demian and Jessica would agree that that's really an insult to worms, as Ken Marino played that particular annelid. Anyway, as Cordy brushes back the bug with a broom, Xander manages to get the duct tape over the opening. Save some for both your mouths, to spare me the impending horror of your scene.

By Couch Baron

Giles asks Kendra to show him exactly where in Draemius's writings she read about the Order of Taraka. They share a tee-hee about how dry the book is. Buffy to Willow: "Hello and welcome to Planet Pocket Protector." Never mind that Willow is probably just as interested in Draemius's writings, you insensitive clod. I'm really not a huge fan of Buffy in this episode. Can you tell? Giles interrupts the nice moment to tell Buffy that Snyder was looking for her, and it would be wise for her to make an appearance at the Career Fair. Kendra notes that Buffy's a student at SHS. "Right, of course. And I imagine she's a cheerleader as well." Ha! Trumping Buffy's snitticisms with a meta reference that's funny and not overblown! Who would have thought? Buffy looks a bit cowed, and Giles chuckles that she actually was a cheerleader, and "it's a funny story." Okay, Buffy may be a bitch this episode, but I can't exactly blame her for not seeing the humor in an episode where she was about a minute from death. Anyway, Kendra and Giles walk off as Buffy, less snottily and more wistfully, says, "Get a load of the she-Giles." She goes on that Giles would love her to be more of a book geek, but Willow nicely points out that Giles is enough of a book geek for the both of them. Buffy muses that maybe being replaced as the Slayer wouldn't be so bad. The words "normal" and "life" are used in conjunction, which makes me in turn want to combine the words "shut" and "up." She also says that maybe she could do "Career Day stuff," so don't be surprised when the Career Day comes back to bite her in the ass.

Xander sits on a box in the Summers basement as Cordy paces nervously. To point out another ridiculousness that makes me think that Marti Noxon penned this subplot during a very short break from writing "Spike + Marti 4 Eva!!!!!!" over and over in her Trapper Keeper, why can't the bug man re-form and poke something under the door to remove the duct tape? He could probably do it stealthily enough so they wouldn't hear him, and could then go buggy again and get in. And if not, no harm in trying. Whatever. Xander and Cordy have one of those fights that you know is going nowhere good. Xander's content to wait until Buffy comes to rescue them. Since they're almost certain to be missed, and Giles knows where they went, that does seem like the safest plan. However, Cordy's in full-on freak-out mode, and snits (okay, it's not just Buffy) that they can't wait for someone else to decide to be a hero. Xander points out that she's the one who let the guy in in the first place, and I'm forced to agree with him yet again, further proving the general bizarreness of this subplot. Cordy says she's going to leave, and opines that Xander probably would just let a girl go off to her doom alone. Xander: "Not just any girl. You're special." Heh. They start arguing in that too-close fashion, so if you're among the sighted, you know what's coming. You also know what's coming if you're among those non-sighted people that have the gift of hearing. And if you're unlucky enough to have neither of those abilities, I'd still put your chances at about fifty-fifty. After the classically-scripted exchange of "I hate you!" "I hate you!" they mack to the accompaniment of overblown dramatic music. They pull away from each other, horrified. Xander: "We so need to get out of here." Cordy: "Mm-hmm!" Ha!

They go up the stairs and remove the duct tape. Seeing nothing, Xander ventures to poke his head out and look around. They make a break for it, but a bunch of worms start to drop from the ceiling onto Cordy. She screams and rushes outside. In a panic, she tells Xander to get them off of her. She's got a fair number of them on her, which makes me wonder how this guy kills people. I mean, if several of the individual worms pose no threat, how dangerous can this guy be? Anyway, Xander literally hoses Cordy down, which seems appropriate after the scene in the basement, and the two get in Cordy's car and peel away.

Career Fair. Buffy says that her test results indicated she should look into law enforcement or environmental design, reminding us that she checked the pro-shrub box. However, since environmental design was the day, she'll be attending law enforcement. Nitpick: We saw the law enforcement woman in the hallway the day before. Maybe that seminar was big enough that they had to spread it over two days? Who cares? Must you people analyze and analyze every single moment of this show? Oh, wait, that was me. Sorry. Buffy and Willow arrive in front of the lounge. Oz is sitting in the lounge looking their way, and Buffy excitedly says that he's checking Willow out. Willow thinks he's just expressing computer-nerd solidarity. Sweetie, call yourself a nerd if you want, but don't say a word against my Oz. Anyway, Oz debunks her theory by coming over to them, and Buffy happily makes herself scarce. Willow notes that his hair is brown (it was blond the day before), and he agrees, "Sometimes." He goes on to ask if she's going to be a "corporate computer-suit guy," but she says she's going to finish high school first. In response to the same question, he says he's not a "work of any kind person." Ah, the genius slacker. We've all known them. Loved them. Smoked pot with them. Willow asks why they selected him. He says that he tests well, which is cool, "except then it leads to jobs." She smiles and asks if he has any ambition. He smiles back and says yes: "E flat diminished ninth." Willow: "Huh?" Oz: "Well, the E flat, it's doable. But it's that diminished ninth, you know, it's a man's chord. You could lose a finger." So adorable. Willow looks at him knowingly. And by that, I mean that she thinks, "I don't understand a word this person is saying, and it's possible I never will. He's hella cute, though."

Over at the "101 Ways To Use A Nightstick They Won't Teach You In School" seminar, the leader, a severe-looking red-haired woman in a cop uniform, asks people to answer when she calls their names. The first person called is Buffy, who raises her hand. The cop, going for "casual" but making a wrong turn and ending up at "glaringly suspicious," puts down her clipboard, then draws a gun. Buffy grabs her arms, and the gun, pointed at the ceiling, goes off twice. Buffy knee-kicks the woman, and she drops. Buffy runs. The woman draws another gun from a holster on her other hip, and shoots again. Buffy pops up and tells everyone to get down, and bolts again. Trying to track Buffy's moves, Cop Lady fires several shots, one of which hits a diving Oz in the arm. The woman sneaks around a corner looking for Buffy, but Buffy manages to tackle her. Buffy assumes a classic defensive posture. I'm not going to criticize a decision made in such a heated scenario, but that martial arts position doesn't look like it's going to be much help against the third gun the woman draws, this one out of an ankle holster. She aims at point-blank range, but a foot comes into the frame and kicks the gun away, then connects with Cop Lady's face for good measure. Kendra calmly slides into position beside Buffy. The woman, apparently having a three-gun limit in her home state, grabs Jonathan and holds a knife to his throat. She backs up toward the exit, then throws Jonathan aside and bolts, Kendra in hot pursuit. I can't believe Kendra wouldn't catch her, as not only is this woman no spring chicken, but it looks like she went overboard with the "get in character by eating doughnuts" idea. Buffy runs over to Oz and Willow. Oz is kind of excited to be shot. "It's odd! And painful." Buffy looks like she's going to cry. Kendra comes back and says that the assassin is gone. Props, by the way, to the writers for using Kendra to lull me into kind of forgetting about the third assassin the first time I saw this episode. That was excellent misdirection, unlike the Peek-A-Boo stuff they've been trying to pass off lately.

By Couch Baron

Dru sings the "run and catch" song as she opens a box and retrieves a small pitcher of what is soon revealed to be holy water. She tells us a few factoids about her mother, and kneels beside Angel, who's now shirtless, with each arm lashed to one of the bedposts. You know, he really did look pretty good back then. When did he go all pasty and puffy? Are he and Xander on the same diet? As Dru continues to disseminate information about her mother about which I care approximately as much as the scheduled release date of Corey Feldman's album, she pours some holy water on Angel's chest, and he gasps in pain. All you people reading this at work can take solace in the fact that no matter how many unctuous middle managers you've had to deal with today, Angel is having a worse day than you are. Dru's enjoying herself at first, but when Angel starts to tell her he'd undo his crimes against her family if he could, her tone turns emotional and vicious, and she eventually dumps the entire pitcher on his chest, eliciting a scream. As much crap as I give her for her accent, and the character in general, Juliet Landau did a very nice job with that scene, possibly because it involved direction other than "swan about crazily until everyone watching wants to slap you into the middle of week."

Library. A very quick shot (that they don't linger on; thank you very much for the subtlety) of the small half-moon window behind Giles shows us that it's getting dark. He sits down on the stairs to Willow, looks at her computer, and notes that there are forty-three churches in Sunnydale, which he says seems excessive. Willow: "It's the extra-evil vibe from the Hellmouth. Makes people pray harder." Giles tells her to see if any of them are closed or abandoned, then checks in with Cordy and Xander, who aren't having any luck researching the assassins they met. In the office, Kendra notes that Cordy and Xander also know that Buffy's the Slayer, and asks if anyone ever explained the concept of a secret identity to her. Yeah -- the same person that explained it to Helena on Birds Of Prey. Kendra picks up a crossbow, and Buffy tells her to be careful with it. Kendra condescendingly says that she's an expert in all weapons. She then fires a bolt into a lamp. Giles calls in to ask if everything's all right. Buffy: "Yeah, it's okay! Kendra killed the bad lamp." Hee. Score one for the Buffster. Kendra, taking a more conciliatory tone, says that the trigger mechanism is different from what she's used to (well, I certainly hope so, unless she's got something against genies as well as vampires) and that perhaps Buffy could show her how to use it when their current campaign is over. Buffy: "When this is over I'm thinking pineapple pizza and teen video movie fest. Possibly something from the Ringwald oeuvre." Hee. Sixteen Candles was certainly one of the best movies ever. Long Duk Dong and John Cusack's second-ever movie appearance? What more could one want? Er, perhaps I should get back to embarrassing other people.

Xander discovers a description of the Buggyman, and says that he can only be killed in his disassembled state. Turning to Cordelia, he explains, "Disassembled. That means when he's broken down into his little buggy parts." Cordy, obviously not in the same hemisphere as her game after snogging Xander, tries to come back by calling him "dorkhead." Giles holds his head. I feel you, Giles. Oh, shut up. Back in the office, Kendra is telling Buffy how different their lives are, and that she was taught that the things Buffy has and does, such as friends, school, and family, distract from the Slayer's calling. Amazingly, she doesn't mention "dating vampires" as one of the distractions, but I wouldn't blame the Council for failing to put that in the Handbook. They have to expect some common sense from these people, right? Okay, fine. I guess I need to buy a clue too. Buffy's fazed by the "family" mention, and Kendra explains that her parents gave her to her Watcher when she was very young, so young that she doesn't even remember them. She goes on that they did so because her "people" take the Slayer calling very seriously. Argh! Unless all her "people" are Watchers or Slayers, how do they know about the Slayer calling at all? They're "civilians," right? Anyway, Kendra catches a look on Buffy's face, and tells Buffy not to feel sorry for her. Buffy says that Kendra's life sounds very lonely. Kendra, polishing a knife, tells Buffy that emotions are a weakness, but Buffy demurs, and I won't make any Season Seven jokes here, because they'll just depress me. Kendra's like, that's great for you, but I prefer to have an even mind. Buffy, opening up her tackle box for a nice big lure, muses that that "explains it." She goes on that Kendra's a better technical fighter than she, with which Kendra agrees, but "I woulda kicked your butt in the end. And you know why? No imagination." Kendra starts polishing so quickly that the knife begs for mercy, and asks, "Really? Ya tink so?" Buffy gives her a patronizing lecture about going with the flow in a fight, but says that Kendra really does have potential. Thanks for slapping that continuity-free episode in my face, sugarplum. But since she brings it up, this "go with the flow" riff is the exact opposite of her bullshit speech to the SiTs in "Potential" about the need to plan every move. Kendra spits, "Potential? I could wipe de floor wichew right now." Buffy gets in her face and tells her that she's feeling anger, and that a Slayer needs that. Kendra stabs her in the heart with the knife. Well, not really, but that would have been a nice unforeseen consequence of Buffy's snotty lecture, don't you think? Anyway, Xander enters. As Kendra shyly bows her head, he grabs a book, compliments her knife, and leaves. Buffy notes this and asks Kendra about it. Kendra says she's not allowed to speak with boys. Buffy: "Unless you're pummeling them..." She has a thought concerning Willy. Kendra: "Ya tink he might help us?" Buffy: "I tink we might make him." Hee.

Back to The Bedroom Of Bad Daddies And Worse Accents. Angel's chest is now approximately the same color as Tom Welling's cheeks. And it's no wonder I thought of Tom Welling, since I've seen him in approximately the same position that Angel's in now. Dru, having produced another vial of Poland Spring: Comin' To You Straight From Church, is about to continue the fun when Spike interrupts them, saying it's time to go. He distastefully says he's never been much for the pre-show, a comment ME apparently chose to forget in "Never Leave Me." Angel, perhaps getting a clarity and personality he normally lacks through pain, says that that's too bad, as it's what Dru likes best. Spike's as easy to hook as Kendra was, as he demands to know what that means, and Angel says to ask Dru. Dru's not forthcoming, playfully telling Angel to hold his tongue. Angel takes that opportunity to press further, and gets a very Angelus-like attitude as he says that Spike could use some pointers. "She likes to be teased." Spike tells him to shut it, but Angel taunts on, "The way she touched me just now? I can tell when she's not satisfied." Angel looks super-hot at this moment, I must say. Spike grabs Angel by the throat and picks him up, but Angel won't be deterred, saying that Spike and Dru don't have the fire that he and Dru had. Spike loses it and goes to stake Angel, but Dru stops him, which makes me think the craziness isn't always completely genuine, since she had the presence of mind to save her own skin there. After a long pause, Spike grins and compliments Angel on nearly fooling him. Don't flatter yourself, Spike -- it ain't that tough. "Aren't you a throw-himself-to-the-lions sort of sap these days? Well, the lions are onto you, baby." He says that Angel won't spoil Dru's ritual. Nor will he succeed in saving his "Rebecca of Sunnyhell Farms" from Dru. Dru says that the moon is rising, and she and Spike share a quick kiss with Spike's hand still around Angel's neck. This scene gives us some beautiful glimpses at both Angelus's future behavior and the Spike/Dru/Angelus group dynamic. Nice job all around.

Bar. Buffy throws Willy against the wall. Willy denies knowing where Angel is or where the ritual is scheduled to take place. Kendra: "Just heet him, Buffy." God, I love her. Buffy: "She likes to hit." Hee. Willy slimes that the location of the ritual is coming back to him, but that he'd have to take her there. Buffy's all, let's go, but Kendra wants to go back to Giles for orders. Buffy's like, not, because Angel could die. Kendra pointedly asks if that's all she's worried about, and opines that Angel clouds her judgment. "We can't stop this ritual alone." Buffy asks if she's listening, and repeats that Angel could die. Kendra, promo-style: "He's a vampire. He should die." Drum beat of Oh No You Di-in't! She continues, "Why am I the only person who sees it?" Buffy, not deigning to answer, leads Willy out. Kendra mutters under her breath. Another excellent scene. I should have seen the double-double-cross coming, but it hid behind the artfully set up dramatic tension. I watch that scene and still find myself caring about what's going to happen. Sigh.

Establishing shot of some church. Willy and Buffy enter. Willy: "Here you go. Don't ever say your friend Willy don't come through in a pinch." They turn a corner, and run straight into Cop Lady and a henchvamp. Willy: "Here you go. Don't ever say your friend Willy don't come through in a pinch." Eels watching the show get cold chills at how slippery Willy is. Buffy turns, but the Buggyman and another henchvamp are behind her. She looks wicked pissed.

Another church. Spike, in game face and holding a smoking golden incense burner on a chain, addresses "Elegor" and recites a ritual. We see that Angel, still shirtless, and Dru are tied together. You'd think Spike would have put a shirt on Angel after that little scene at the factory. Dru, who's wearing a formal (read: black) version of her nightie-like dress, repeats a few parts of the ritual in the most annoying way possible. Spike holds up the du Lac cross and pulls out its top part to reveal a knife. I'm sure it's being hawked on an infomercial right now. "Now how much would you pay? Don't answer yet! You also get this knife, perfect for draining your sire of his strength! Only $39.99!" Spike clasps one of Angel's hands to one of Dru's, and plunges the blade into the two. A bright light emanates from the knife and starts pouring into Dru's arm. Spike's very happy, but his face falls when Willy and the gang enter.

Willy demands the bounty for the Slayer, but Spike says he wanted her dead. Buffy's shocked to see the state of Angel. Spike sunnily says that it pains him as well, but since Angel will be dead in five minutes, he'll tough it out. "Don't feel too bad for Angel, though. He's got something you don't have." Buffy asks what that might be. Spike menaces, "Five minutes." Brr, it's cold in here! There must be some Old Spike in the atmosphere! Spike asks "Patrice," the Cop Lady, to do the honors, and she draws her gun. However, the door flies open, and Kendra comes back-handspringing into the pile, knocking them all down. When Spike gets to his feet, he wonders bemusedly, "Who the hell is this?" Kendra grabs him as Buffy tells him it's his lucky day. Kendra: "Two Slayers." POW! Buffy: "No waiting!" BAM! And, ha! Buffy rushes away as Kendra engages Spike. Buffy takes on Cop Lady, who has some metal spikes jut out from her sleeves, like, you'll need to lose a few pounds before you can get into the Batman suit, hon. A henchvamp gets to his feet on Buffy's right, but he's dusted by Giles's crossbow bolt from behind. Giles and Willow mix it up with the other henchvamp. Xander baits Norman, who pursues him. Three for three. Those fish are biting today. Xander goes through a door and closes it. On the other side, Cordy has dumped a puddle of liquid adhesive on the floor. Worms start to slide under the door, but these worms ain't checkin' out, if you know what I mean. Fighting. As the worms get stuck in the glue, Cordy and Xander stomp on them. Buffy knocks Cop Lady down as Spike gets in a particularly vicious combination, flooring Kendra. Buffy calls to her to switch opponents, and they do that thing where Buffy bends at the waist and Kendra rolls over her back. Even having taken two years of karate, I think that move's a little showy and inefficient, but still cool-looking. The same could be said about a lot of karate moves, if you want to know the truth. I should add, however, that the fighting in this scene is, for the most part, tight and realistic.

Kendra boots Cop Lady away. Spike says he'd rather be fighting Buffy anyway, and she reciprocates the sentiment. I hope she's not going to tell him in some later episode that she was just using him for martial-arts practice or something. Buffy kicks him to the ground. Cordy's spastically jumping up and down on the worms until Xander pulls her away, like, I know you're pretty thin, but I still think simply stepping on them will do the trick. It amuses me to consider, however, that she's taking out her revulsion at having macked with Xander on the worms. Buffy and Spike have a nasty exchange which ends with her throwing him across the room into a wall. He lands right near Willy, whom he grabs and asks where he thinks he's going. Buffy rushes to Angel and pulls the knife out. Willy makes some excuses, but Spike literally wants blood. However, Dru moans his name at that moment, and he lets Willy go. Spike rushes over, tosses Buffy aside, and clocks her in the face. Willy runs out as Willow scores her first vamp kill. Cop Lady gets Kendra on the defensive, and slashes her sleeve. Kendra gets mad: "That's me favorite shirt. That's me only shirt!" I'm annoyed that they're making out how Buffy taught Kendra such a valuable Slayer lesson, but I have to admit that was a very funny line. Anyway, Kendra arranges a date for Cop Lady with the floor. Spike grabs a torch off the wall and tosses it into some oily rags, which would of course be lying around in an abandoned church. The fire apparently cuts Kendra and the Scoobs off from his path, although I'm a little unclear on the juxtaposition of the people and objects in the room. Spike gathers Dru up in his arms, muttering that he hopes she got enough strength from Angel, and starts to flee. Buffy picks up Spike's incense burner, whips it around her head a couple of times, and lets it fly. It hits Spike squarely in the back of the head, knocking him and Dru into the organ, which collapses. Those things cause nothing but pain. Everyone looks on as Buffy and Angel share a tender gaze. Never mind that there's no way he would be conscious. He was barely conscious before he got the strength sucked out of him. Kendra rushes over to help Buffy carry Angel out, and I don't know what happened to that devastating wall of flame. Because without the wall, Kendra would certainly have been able to stop Spike from getting Dru out, no? Anyway, everyone bails.

Ah, the famous animal cracker scene. Oz gets a package out of the snack machine. Willow appears, and asks how his arm, which is in a sling, is. Oz: "Suddenly painless." Aw. Willow says she never thanked him, but Oz tells her he doesn't do thanks. He pulls out the monkey cookie and tells her that it's the only cookie animal that gets pants. Willow lights up. Oz: "You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen." Double aw. Oz goes on that the other animals must be jealous, and then does an impression of the monkey mocking them in a faux-French accent, leading to a "coup in the zoo." Willow asks if the monkey's French, and Oz tells her all monkeys are French. If the Typing Monkeys were here with me now, I think they'd take umbrage at that comment. And then I'd make fun of them in a faux-French accent. I've heard two stories about this scene; one, that Seth Green totally ad-libbed the whole thing about the monkeys, and two, that Alyson Hannigan had a dream wherein Seth said these things to her, so the writers worked them in. Whichever scenario is true, the scene is totally Oz. Elsewhere, Xander grabs Cordy in the hallway and says they need to talk. This bit is a total retread, so here's the short version: they fight, they get in each other's faces, overly dramatic music plays, they swap spit. Sound familiar?

By Couch Baron

I feel you, Giles. Oh, shut up. Back in the office, Kendra is telling Buffy how different their lives are, and that she was taught that the things Buffy has and does, such as friends, school, and family, distract from the Slayer's calling. Amazingly, she doesn't mention "dating vampires" as one of the distractions, but I wouldn't blame the Council for failing to put that in the Handbook. They have to expect some common sense from these people, right? Okay, fine. I guess I need to buy a clue too. Buffy's fazed by the "family" mention, and Kendra explains that her parents gave her to her Watcher when she was very young, so young that she doesn't even remember them. She goes on that they did so because her "people" take the Slayer calling very seriously. Argh! Unless all her "people" are Watchers or Slayers, how do they know about the Slayer calling at all? They're "civilians," right? Anyway, Kendra catches a look on Buffy's face, and tells Buffy not to feel sorry for her. Buffy says that Kendra's life sounds very lonely. Kendra, polishing a knife, tells Buffy that emotions are a weakness, but Buffy demurs, and I won't make any Season Seven jokes here, because they'll just depress me. Kendra's like, that's great for you, but I prefer to have an even mind. Buffy, opening up her tackle box for a nice big lure, muses that that "explains it." She goes on that Kendra's a better technical fighter than she, with which Kendra agrees, but "I woulda kicked your butt in the end. And you know why? No imagination." Kendra starts polishing so quickly that the knife begs for mercy, and asks, "Really? Ya tink so?" Buffy gives her a patronizing lecture about going with the flow in a fight, but says that Kendra really does have potential. Thanks for slapping that continuity-free episode in my face, sugarplum. But since she brings it up, this "go with the flow" riff is the exact opposite of her bullshit speech to the SiTs in "Potential" about the need to plan every move. Kendra spits, "Potential? I could wipe de floor wichew right now." Buffy gets in her face and tells her that she's feeling anger, and that a Slayer needs that. Kendra stabs her in the heart with the knife. Well, not really, but that would have been a nice unforeseen consequence of Buffy's snotty lecture, don't you think? Anyway, Xander enters. As Kendra shyly bows her head, he grabs a book, compliments her knife, and leaves. Buffy notes this and asks Kendra about it. Kendra says she's not allowed to speak with boys. Buffy: "Unless you're pummeling them..." She has a thought concerning Willy. Kendra: "Ya tink he might help us?" Buffy: "I tink we might make him." Hee.

By Couch Baron

Outside, Kendra thanks Buffy for the shirt she's wearing. She should give extra thanks that she's not wearing Buffy's current ensemble -- a brown leather jacket, lime green pants, and an absolutely hideous pink floral top with a royal blue stripe in the middle. Ouch. They go over the plan: Kendra is taking the passenger route home. They exchange some breeziness about the in-flight movie, and then Buffy sincerely thanks Kendra for helping her to save Angel. Now at her cab, Kendra smiles and says she's not telling her Watcher about that because it's too weird, but concedes that Angel is "pretty cute." Buffy jokes about not getting fired. Kendra seriously tells her that slaying isn't a job, but who she is. Buffy asks if she got that from the handbook, but Kendra says she got it from Buffy. Aw, if also "huh"? Buffy says she can't fight it, and that she's a freak, but Kendra tells her she's not the only freak. Unqualified "aw" this time. Buffy steps forward, but Kendra holds up a hand. "I don't hug." Ha! Buffy agrees that hugging is bad. They smile, and then Kendra gets in her cab and pulls away, leaving Buffy to look thoughtful. Then again, if I were her, I'd be thinking, "Did they have to take such a long closing shot of me looking like I just won the Color Blind Olympics?"

Church. The camera pans over some burnt wreckage to reveal an unconscious Spike, whose face and hair are covered in soot. Someone grabs his hand, and we see that it's Dru. She tells him not to worry, and pulls him up with one hand. "I'll see that you get strong again." She hoists him into her arms. "Like me." She starts to carry him out in front of the fakest-looking backdrop ever. And with sweeps coming up and Dru not in "Ted" or "Bad Eggs," it's time for the healing to begin for my poor, poor ears.