We'll Always Have Hemery

S02E07

Night, in a playground. A carousel spins, and swings squeak creepily. The scene is bathed in a dim fluorescent light, and I'm already more scared than I have been since "Hush." A boy of about eight waits by some monkey bars, urging his mother out loud to show up. The camera spins to show Drusilla approaching him from behind. She asks if he's lost, and if he'd like her to walk him home. He declines. She says her mother used to sing her to sleep, and recites the "run and catch" speech for the first time. Unlike some of the other times, it actually has a creepy significance here. In the same singsong, she asks what his mother will sing when they find his body. Not processing that, the boy tells Dru that he's not supposed to talk to people. Dru starts to snarl that she's not a person, but a figure steps between them. Angel tells the boy to run home, and the boy complies. Angel turns to face Dru, who greets him as "my Angel." He impassively greets her by name. She asks him if he remembers the aforementioned song her mother used to sing. He says he does, but he probably should have said so with more feeling, as it might have prevented the refresher course he gets in "What's My Line? Part Two." Angel tells her to take Spike and leave Sunnydale. Dru: "Or you'll hurt me?" He lowers his head in shame, and she gloats that he can't hurt her anymore. Just wait until "Redefinition," lady. He was almost my hero, trying to take you and Darla out in one shot. His failure has given me a permanent dislike for hydrants. Whoa, sorry. Angel continues that if she doesn't leave, things will go badly for "all of us." Dru laments that her "dear boy" has gone away, "to her." Angel "plays" dumb, but Dru clarifies that she means the Slayer. Speaking of whom, we see Buffy walking on a nearby rooftop. Dru continues that his heart "stinks of her" as she rubs his chest. She goes on that Buffy has no idea what's in store, and she sure got that one right. Buffy, coming to the edge of the rooftop, sees Angel and Dru standing very close. Angel says that "it's gotta end." Dru counters that it's only the beginning. She disengages and slowly walks away. After a beat, Angel does the same. The way the shot is framed gives what I'm certain was a purposeful feel of two emissaries having just discussed terms for war. Buffy sees it all and looks stricken. She leaves. Credits.

School. Coming down the indoor stairs, Miss Calendar is telling Giles that it's a secret. What is it, you ask? The activity she has planned for their date. Giles whinges, and tries to point out that he won't know what to wear. Miss Calendar, looking at his suit, asks if he owns anything else. Giles: "Well, not as such, no." Miss Calendar: 1. Giles: 0. Couch Baron: Jealous. He reluctantly agrees, and she flirts a bit and confirms the date for the evening. Buffy appears as Miss Calendar leaves. Giles asks her about the night's patrol. She's clearly not in her normal (well, up to this point in the series) good mood, and tells him there was "nothing vampire-y." Giles says he's been researching Spike, but hasn't come up with a reason why he's come to Sunnydale. Buffy says he'll figure it out. Giles picks up on her somber mood, and offers her the night off, which causes her face to brighten. He immediately undoes his good work, however, by suggesting that she spend some time with Angel. Face falling, she says he might have other plans. To put it Jonathan Kent-style, that hair gel isn't going to buy itself. Buffy leaves.

The thing we see is a note that reads, "Do you know who she was?" It's from Willow to Buffy. Ah, passing notes in class. I think in public schools, teachers must just be trained to ignore this practice. In my junior high and high school, people were passing notes left, right, forward and back, with all the stealth of Inspector Clouseau, and most teachers didn't say a word about it. As Buffy writes her response, we focus on Cordy, who's giving her own spin on the French bread famine: "I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort! And I know the peasants were all depressed." Hee. Xander is sitting to Cordy with an expression that's somewhere between "If I look into your ear real hard, I can see the 'for rent' space in your brain" and "Decapitation would look real good on you right about now." We see that Buffy has described Dru as having dark hair, wearing an old dress, and being pretty. Xander suggests that Cordy means the peasants were "oppressed," but she "whatever"s him and goes on that Marie Antoinette cared about the peasants, as she was willing to give them cake. The teacher takes the lead in the Nobel Prize for diplomacy race when she describes Cordy's perspective as "very interesting." Willow passes back the note, which reads, "Vampire?"

By Couch Baron

In the hallway, Buffy answers that she doesn't think so, as they looked pretty friendly. Because Angel has tons of human friends these days. Xander asks what's wrong, and Willow fills him in. Buffy asks if she has to be in "total share mode." Xander says that she needs cheering up, and suggests a "crazed dance party at the Bronze." He accompanies it with one of his patented "if I were the last person on Earth, I still wouldn't make it onto Soul Train" moves. Buffy doesn't reply, and he downgrades that to "very calm dance party at the Bronze," finishing with "moping at the Bronze." Heh.

Jason Behr appears behind her and says that a box of Oreos dunked in apple juice (the hell?) should work, but she might be over that phase. Buffy turns, and she and an earring-wearing Jason greet each other as "Ford" and "Summers" and share an embrace. I was going to call him Max, but I realized he displays more personality and range in this one episode than he did in three seasons of Roswell, so Ford it is. Buffy asks what he's doing there, and he says he's finishing out his senior year. As it were. They exposit that Ford and Buffy went to Hemery together for seven years, and that she used to have a crush on him. Xander begs for an introduction, which is given. He's predictably petulant. Ford half-jokes that he couldn't compromise his sixth-grade status by dating a fifth-grader. Buffy responds that she moped over him for months, and during that time she would sit in her room listening to "I Touch Myself." Realizing her error, she says that she had no idea what the song was about. She wisely shifts gears by inviting Ford to the Bronze. Ford asks if he'd be imposing. Xander, mock-sweetly: "Oh, only in the literal sense." Hee. Ford wisely ignores Xander, says he'll be there, and goes to find the admissions office, accompanied by Buffy. Xander: "Geez, doesn't she know any fat guys?" Willow, eyes widening: "Oh! That's what that song is about?" Hee.

Bronze. Xander, Willow, and Ford are playing pool when Buffy arrives. Willow slyly says that Ford was telling them about the "ninth-grade swimsuit competition." Buffy admonishes Ford: "The more people you tell, the more people I have to kill." Since we know Buffy was crowned May Queen Equivalent, how badly could it have gone? Unless of course the whole reason she got elected was that she had a little, um, accident and, er, gave it her all, so to speak. Ford smiles that he knows all her darkest secrets. Xander: "Care to make a small wager on that?" The fact that Ford does in fact know Buffy's darkest secret would be a subtle irony, were it not for the simple fact that Xander is always wrong. Buffy goes to get a drink, and runs into Angel. Xander explains to Ford that Angel is Buffy's "beau." Ford observes that Angel looks older than Buffy. Xander: "You're not wrong." Heh. Buffy asks Angel what he did the night, but he says he did nothing. Buffy: "Nothing at all. You ceased to exist?" For some reason, that strikes me as a very Patty Chase-like thing to say. Maybe it's just because I recently got my MSCL DVDs. Angela -- I mean, "Angel" clarifies that he stayed in and read. Buffy's face falls, and she steps back over to Ford as Angel follows. Buffy introduces them, and they shake hands. Ford: "Whoa! Cold hands!" Xander: "You're not wrong." Heh. That's two laughs you've gotten out of me with the same line, Xander. Quit while you're ahead. Angel asks if Ford is visiting Buffy, but Ford explains that he just "moved down." This is the only reference I remember to Sunnydale's geographical position relative to L.A., for anyone who cares. Willow brightly asks Angel if he wants to play pool, but Buffy says it's getting crowded, and asks Ford if he'd like to take a walk with her. He accepts, and they leave, Buffy avoiding Angel's eyes. Xander: "Okay, once more with tension." Was that the original name for the musical episode? Angel looks suspicious. Or he could be trying to figure out how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. We're not dealing with a huge range of facial expressions here. Xander notes that Ford moves fast. He and Willow look down, and when they look up, Angel's gone. Do I even have to say, "Ha ha...not"?

In the alley, Ford asks if that was Buffy's boyfriend. Buffy: "Could we lay off the tough questions for a while?" And I was just going to ask you how you could afford those boots, Buffy. Ford apologizes, and asks what else she does for fun. On cue, they hear a noise around a corner farther down the alley. Buffy covers by asking Ford to get her purse, which she left in the Bronze. I assume that means that they were planning to go back; otherwise it's just too convenient. She tells him to hurry, which I don't understand, since we soon learn she has a stake on her. Wouldn't she want him to take as long as possible? Anyway, they start off, but once Buffy's around the corner, he doubles back after her. A crying girl comes running past him. He approaches stealthily, and sees a garbage can come flying into view. We hear punching and kicking. Ford rounds the corner, and sees Buffy fighting a vamp, whom she quickly dusts. He comes into full view and asks what's going on. Buffy tries to sell a lame story about two cats fighting. That almost makes Riley's paintball excuse sound believable by comparison. Ford says he thought she was just slaying a vampire. Buffy: "What? Whatting a what?" Hee. Ford explains that he knows she's the Slayer. Buffy: "I forget myself; I want you to remind me!" Oh, sorry.

Willow, on the phone: "Just like that, he told you?" She's in a nightshirt and the cutest little moose slippers. Why did she have to grow up again? Oh, yeah, we'll discuss that theme at the end of the episode. Buffy says that he found out right before she got kicked out of Hemery. Willow asks if Buffy thinks that's "neat," and Buffy says yes, because she won't constantly have to worry about him finding out her dark secrets. In a lovely ironic transition, we fade to Ford walking down an alley. He knocks on a heavy metal door that looks like it goes into a warehouse or something. It opens for him. He walks by a guy doing some welding, which is another quick nice touch, and walks down some stairs into an area with a lot of kids wearing vaguely Goth outfits. I'm not going to take the time to describe the surroundings when Willow does it in two words later in the episode, so you'll just have to wait. Some doofus in a shiny cape and ruffled shirt greets Ford, asking him how it went. Ford isn't very forthcoming, causing Cape Drear to blather how he's going out on a limb or some such. Ford casually pops a prescription bottle, mentioning that it's Ritalin. He's a smooth operator, that Ford. He starts to chide, "Marvin," but Marvin corrects him that it's "Diego" now. No, it really isn't. The blonde girl known here as Chantarelle (and as Lily in "Anne" and Anne in "Blood Money") gives Ford a glass of something, and he downs a pill. He assures them that everything will be fine, and to be ready when he gives the word. He regards a television screen that's playing the 1973 TV version of Dracula, and says, "True believers only." Drearego whines some more, but Ford says soon they'll get to do the two things every teenager should: "Die young. And stay pretty." He is pretty, too. He lip-syncs along with Jack Palance: "You play your wits against mine. Me, who commanded armies hundreds of years before you were born." Okay, pretty and pretentious. But still pretty.

That same night, Willow's brushing her hair when there's a knock on her outside door. So is it parentally planned, or simply ironic, that the girl who has a door that leads from her bedroom to the outside is the least likely actually to use it? She sees that it's Angel, and opens the door. He says he wants to talk to her, and she gestures for him to enter. He explains that he needs more than that, so she verbalizes her invitation. He starts in, and she hastily shoves a bra off her bed. Heh. In a muted voice, she explains that she's not supposed to have boys in her room. Considering that she's dressed for bed, he's a vampire, he looks way older than she, and her parents don't even know he's there, I don't think the use of discretion here demands an explanation. Angel smiles and says he'll behave himself. Why is it that Angel interacts naturally with all the Scoobs except Buffy? ["I had a 'sporting deadwood' comment ready to go here, but -- oh, will you look at that." -- Sars] He goes on that he'd like Willow to track someone down on the internet. Willow's enthused, as she's "the 'net girl." I wouldn't have been so psyched about being Sandra Bullock, but then, I detest her, so that could explain it. Willow droops a bit when she hears that the person Angel wants to track is "Billy Fordham," possibly because she, like the rest of us, heard Ford introduced to Angel only as "Ford." On the plus side, Angel is looking pretty tasty, if extremely pale. Willow asks Angel not to bite her, but...Angel: "You gonna tell me that I'm jealous?" Does she have to? You're greener than Kermit The Frog on the Goliath roller coaster. Willow confirms that he does get that way. He muses that he never used to, but that a hundred years of guilt really honed his "brooding skills." Shout-out? He admits that he does get jealous, but that his "gut" tells him Ford is a bad guy. Insert present-day "gut" joke here. Willow accepts that, and immediately discovers that Ford isn't registered at Sunnydale High. She starts to do another search, but hears a female voice calling, one that is decidedly not the voice of Sheila Rosenberg in "Gingerbread." Willow hurries Angel out, and tells him to come by the day at sunset. Angel asks Willow not to tell Buffy what they're doing. Willow's not happy about the prospect of lying to Buffy, but Angel says they shouldn't worry her until they know more. Willow agrees, saying that it's probably nothing. Angel: "That'd be nice." My eye-roll traces Saturn's orbit. Angel really doesn't want her to find anything. Riiiight.

School. Buffy and Ford enter and see Willow, who makes a chagrined face to herself, knowing she can't escape. Buffy asks her if she wants to go to the cafeteria with them. Willow very nervously and stiltedly tells her that she has work to do in the computer lab. Buffy tells her to 'fess up, and Willow looks horrified. Buffy: "Were you drinking coffee again? 'Cause we've talked about this." Willow gives a spastic fake laugh, and explains to Ford that it makes her jumpy. She manages to leave, only to be replaced by an almost-equally spastic Giles. Is everyone so bad at cover in this episode just to illustrate how good a liar Ford is? Giles says that he's going out that evening, and gives Buffy Miss Calendar's beeper number, in case she needs "study help." Two cats fighting, you say? Eminently believable. Buffy breaks the news that Ford knows she's the Slayer. Ford smiles, "I know." Hee. Jason Behr does lying and smirking a lot better than he does moping. Giles pulls Buffy aside. "You are not, by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress, um, cute boys, are you?" Ha! Buffy evenly tells him that Ford found out on his own. Apparently satisfied with that explanation, Giles leaves. It is a pretty big coincidence, Ford knowing that Buffy's the Slayer and then "moving" to Sunnydale. Giles, you're supposed to be the brains of this outfit! Sigh.

Night. Buffy and Ford walk near the school, apparently having just finished a walking tour of the soundstages of Sunnydale. Needless to say, they don't look particularly spent. Ford searches for a word to describe the town, and Buffy encourages him to say "dull." He agrees, but upon seeing two figures hurrying toward the school, he amends that assessment. Buffy takes out a stake and hands Ford a cross. He draws a stake of his own, and when a one-off is better prepared than the regulars on this show, it makes you wonder how the Wishverse didn't happen even with Buffy in Sunnydale. Buffy looks slightly discomfited, but simply tells Ford to stay close to her. Right by the school, they look for the vamps, who quickly appear out of nowhere. Buffy kicks the female to the ground, but the male tackles her, and they both go over a railing, falling several feet. Ford kneels over the female vamp and threatens her with the stake and the cross. He menaces that he'll let her live if she tells him what she wants to know. We don't get to find out what he asks, but it would be so funny if it were, "What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" Buffy dusts her foe, and comes running back to Ford, who's now alone. She asks where the other vamp is, but Ford says he killed her. Buffy doesn't look completely convinced. Maybe it's because of the, you know, lack of dust? Although I will give Ford props for pretending to cough there.

By Couch Baron

Library. Buffy enters, along with Giles and Miss Calendar. Buffy apologizes for beeping them, but Giles tells her she did the right thing, a little too enthusiastically. Miss Calendar picks up on that. "You hated it that much?" Giles hems and haws, and Miss Calendar good-naturedly says he could have just said something. Giles: "Honestly, I've always, I've always, been interested in, in, uh, monster trucks." Hee! You pretty much have to tell that joke with Giles, but it's still hilarious. Buffy can't believe it, but Miss Calendar says she thought it would be a change. Giles thieves the Nobel Prize for diplomacy away from the history teacher as he agrees, "It was a change." Miss Calendar points out that they could have left. Giles: "What, and miss the nitro-burning funny cars? No, couldn't have that." Hee.

Buffy gets them back on track, saying that the vamps were there with a purpose. Although that seems like a reasonable conclusion, I'd point out that it doesn't jive with her attitude in a similar situation in "What's My Line? Part One." She exposits that she sent Ford home, and starts to mention how he killed a vamp, but trails off upon seeing a photograph (I'm not getting into the "can vamps be photographed?" debate here) of Drusilla. Miss Calendar notices Buffy's reaction, and asks what's wrong. Buffy asks Dru's identity, and Giles tells Buffy her name, that she's a "sometime paramour of Spike's," and that she was killed by an angry mob in Prague. Buffy notes that they don't make angry mobs like they used to, and explains that she saw Drusilla with Angel. Miss Calendar suggests they read up on Dru, and Giles is going to fetch a volume from his office when the female vamp from earlier appears in the office doorway. She throws Giles into Buffy, and runs out through the stacks. Giles exclaims that she took one of his books, and Buffy realizes that it was the vamp Ford said he killed.

Factory. Dru is trying to get a dead bird in a cage to sing. I scream, "It is an ex-parrot!" Spike's voice cuts in, saying he heard a funny thing, namely that she went out hunting "the other night." Dru says that she was hungry. Spike pointedly asks if she met anyone, "like Angel." He asks what they talked about, saying it's a little off that they were so friendly. Not that Dru was thinking this, but perhaps it behooved her to be nice since, in her current physical condition, she wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell in a fight with Angel? Dru loons on to the dead bird, but Spike takes pity on all of us by explaining that she didn't feed it and now it's dead. Dru whimpers, and Spike quickly apologizes, saying that he just doesn't like her going out while she's weak. Ford's voice cuts in, interrupting their tender (read: sick-making) moment, saying that the place is "so cool." Spike grandly asks if he has anyone on watch, or if they just found a "restaurant that delivers." Ford says that he knows who Spike is, and that he came looking for him. Spike's unimpressed, and speculates that Ford has a death wish. The female vamp appears and hands Spike the book, which he says will be very useful. As groundwork for a later episode. Remember when they did that? Spike absently asks how Ford found him. Followed the trail of peroxide? Ford says it doesn't matter, and that he has a deal for Spike. He then blathers about some action-movie convention. That's enough to make Spike grab him, but Dru, apparently psychically privy to Ford's plan, warns Spike off. Ford explains that he wants to become a vampire. Spike says he's known Ford two minutes and he already can't stand him, and that he doesn't "feature" Ford living forever. Ford beats me to the punch by saying, "Feature this!" He offers Spike a trade. "You make me a vampire, and I give you the Slayer." Spike's mouth broadens into a smile.

Buffy's stirring a cup of tea in her kitchen when Angel opens the door and asks if he can come in. Buffy assents, and says that she thought an invitation never expired. Angel says that's true; he was just being polite, and goes on that they need to talk. Buffy: "Do we." The steam coming from the tea suddenly disappears. Angel says that Ford isn't what he seems. Buffy: "Who is these days." The teacup cracks. Angel explains what they found, but Buffy is none too pleased to learn that Willow and Xander helped Angel, calling it a "conspiracy." That gets Angel's attention, and he asks what she's talking about. She snaps, "I'm talking about the people I trust. Who's Drusilla?" Angel's face falls. Buffy tells him not to lie to her, but he tells her that some lies are necessary, which is a nice setup for the end of the episode. She says that she can take the truth. Angel: "Do you love me?" Ouch! I have to remember to keep one eye on left field. After a moment, Buffy admits that she loves him, but she doesn't know if she trusts him. A bit more verbal sparring ensues, and then Angel tells her about Dru: She was an "obsession" of his; pure, sweet, and chaste. He killed everyone she loved, intentionally driving her insane, and on the day she was slated to take her holy orders to become a nun, he turned her into a vampire. I was going to say that I'm not sure how she was going to become a nun if she had already been driven insane, but I'm sure plenty of parochial school alumni could inform me of a case or two that slipped through the cracks. Buffy looks shaken, but gamely notes that she asked for the truth. Confession over, Angel tells Buffy about Ford's vampire-worshipping society. As Angel tells Buffy she can't trust Ford, the camera switches to a view from outside the open window. Is someone lurking outside? We'll never know.

School. We see Buffy in the courtyard. Ford's voice calls to her. The camera spins creepily to focus on him. He tells her he had fun the night, and asks her to go out again that night. She accepts. He says he has a surprise for her, and she neutrally says she likes surprises. They agree to meet at the school at nine. He leans in and tells her it will be fun, and walks away. After a beat, she does the same. This scene is eerily reminiscent of the one between Angel and Drusilla at the beginning of the episode, and conveys the same sense of battle lines being drawn.

Inside, Willow and Xander wait on the stairs. Buffy comes down and starts to walk past them, but Willow calls her name and hesitantly starts to ask about Angel. Buffy says that he told her everything. Well, not everything, but they didn't have all night. Willow explains that they were all just worried about her, and didn't want to say anything about Ford until they were sure. Xander asks if she found out what Ford's up to. Buffy grimly tells them she will, and walks off. She does a great job here of conveying that she believes Willow, but that she needs a little time to process everything that's happened. Willow and Xander, for their parts, look like they understand her feelings, until Xander breaks the silence: "Angel was in your bedroom?" Willow nods serenely, "Ours is a forbidden love." Hee.

By Couch Baron

Buffy searches the place for another way out. Ford tells her that it's a bomb shelter, and there's no way out. She begs him to let the others go, but they tell her it's what they want. Chantarelle asks her if she can't see that it's a beautiful day for them. Time to duck, because Buffy's not pulling any punches for the rest of the episode, evidenced by this gem of an exchange:

Buffy: What I see is that right after the sun goes down Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar.
Drearego: Okay, that's it. I think we should gag her.
Buffy: I think you should try.
Drearego: She's an unbeliever! She taints us.
Buffy: I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here, do you understand that? You're going to die, and the only hope you have of surviving this is to get out of this pit right now, and my God, could you have a dorkier outfit? [Drearego's all, "The hell?" Chantarelle smirks.]
Ford: I gotta back her up, D. You look like a big ninny.

Hee! Ford's beeper goes off, and he announces that it's 6:27, and sunset. I hate (and by "hate," I mean "love") to nitpick, but in "Halloween," it was fully dark before 6:00, when the kids were supposed to be back at school. Buffy looks around, starting to panic.

Factory. Spike's barking orders: spread out, two vamps on the door, first priority is the Slayer. He tells everyone to remember to share, which sounds like something the Mayor would say. He asks Dru if she's sure she's up to this, but she says she needs "a treat." How about a dialogue coach, on me? Spike tells "Lucius" to bring the car around.

Buffy runs back up the stairs. Ford marvels that she never gives up. Just wait until the end of "Spiral." He muses that they have a lot in common, but Buffy snits that he's the bad guy. She declares that the rest of the kids aren't going to be changed, that they're just fodder. Ford acknowledges that, but says that he will become immortal. Buffy tells him that's not how it works, calling him, extremely ironically in light of his imminent revelation, "brain trust." She explains that he'll die, and his body will be taken over by a demon, who will look and sound like him, and even remember his life, but won't be him. Ford quietly says it's better than nothing. Buffy asks if his life is nothing, and he smirks bitterly. She goes on that the kids don't deserve to die. Ford blurts: "Well, neither do I! But apparently no one took that into consideration 'cause I'm still dying." Buffy looks stunned. Looks like that shot of Absolut Morality didn't go down too well! Ford goes on that he's got at most six months to live, and that he's in constant agony from the "nest of tumors liquefying [his] brain." Buffy turns away, and he sarcastically says he's sorry for ruining her "righteous anger riff." Buffy turns back to him, and sincerely apologizes, saying she had no idea. "But what you're doing is still very wrong." Ford doesn't want to hear that, and, voice dripping with contempt, says that the others are sheep, and just want to be vampires because they're lonely and bored. He, on the other hand, doesn't have a choice. Buffy points out that he does have a choice, although not a good one, and that nothing he says will make mass murder okay. Ford disbelievingly asks if she thinks he needs to justify himself to her, but she scarily astutely bites out, "I think this is all part of your little fantasy-drama! Isn't this exactly how you imagined it? You tell me how you've suffered and I feel sorry for you. Well, I do feel sorry for you, and if those vampires come in here and start feeding I'll kill you myself." Ford huskily replies that he really did miss her, which is tantamount to admitting that her analysis was spot-on. And I'm sorry for the paucity of jokes, but this is pretty heavy stuff here. They stare at each other, but are interrupted by the sound of a car pulling up outside.

By Couch Baron

Ford comes down the stairs of the Sunset Club. He asks Chantarelle if everything's ready, but Drearego snottily cuts in that he took care of it. "I always take care of it." The whiny, annoying friend role? Yes, I can see that. Chantarelle asks if it's happening that night. Ford confirms that, and asks if she's nervous. She says she's ready for the change. I'll just let that one go. She asks if he really thinks they'll "bless" them. Well, they'll baptize you, at least. Ford smiles that he knows they will. Drearego asks if Ford's friends are coming, and describes Angel, Willow, and Xander's visit. Ford is chagrined, and rubs his forehead, but says everything will be fine. Buffy's voice cuts in from the top of the stairway, "No. It's really not." Ford mutters to Drearego that it's drafty, and Drearego sidles away. Buffy mock-sunnily says she couldn't wait until the evening, then more seriously asks what he's up to. Ford says she wouldn't understand, but she says she only needs to know. He says that he's going to be a vampire. She starts to tell him that vamps are kind of picky about who they turn. Do I need to break out my laundry list of vamps who refute that statement? She doesn't finish that silliness, though, as she realizes that Ford meant to offer them her in exchange for being vamped. He says he doesn't feel like talking anymore, but she grabs him by the throat and shoves him against the wall, and repeats her allegation. He admits it. She says he must have known she would figure it out, and he brings everyone onto the same page by laughing that he was counting on it. Sensing something's not going right, she lets him go. Sidebar: From the non-Ford kids' point of view, doesn't offering up Buffy's life conflict with the earlier assertion that vamps aren't interested in hurting anyone? I realize that many of the kids may not have known about that facet of the plan in advance, but they certainly know about it now, and they don't seem at all fazed. Anyway, Ford excitedly says that everything's going just as he pictured it. Buffy asks what's supposed to happen that night, but Ford gloats that it's already happening. On cue, Drearego closes the door. Buffy runs up the stairs and tries to open it, but Ford taunts her that it's "rigged up special," and can now only be opened from the outside. Ford and the other kids look up at her as he tells her that when the sun sets, the vamps will be coming for them. Buffy starts to say what will happen to the kids, but they pipe up that they'll be changed, and it's what they want. Ford: "This is the end, Buffy. No one gets out of here alive."

By Couch Baron

Buffy: What I see is that right after the sun goes down Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar.
Drearego: Okay, that's it. I think we should gag her.
Buffy: I think you should try.
Drearego: She's an unbeliever! She taints us.
Buffy: I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here, do you understand that? You're going to die, and the only hope you have of surviving this is to get out of this pit right now, and my God, could you have a dorkier outfit? [Drearego's all, "The hell?" Chantarelle smirks.]
Ford: I gotta back her up, D. You look like a big ninny.

By Couch Baron

Buffy begs him to help her stop the impending massacre, but he just regards her silently. She gives up and, coming back down the stairs, tries to appeal to the others again, saying that it's not the "mother ship," but "ugly death come to play." Why does that make me think of Bill and Ted playing Battleship with the Reaper? Anyway, Ford shuts Buffy up by hitting her in the back with a crowbar, knocking her down the stairs. He advances on her and hits her again, but a noise comes from the door. Chantarelle goes up the stairs to meet them. Fitting that the first course at the moron bar is named after a food. The door opens, and Spike enters in game face. Chantarelle looks upset and scared, probably because he looks less "lonely" than "hungry." Or, to quote Xander, "nasty pointy bitey." And I'd point out that since quoting Xander is an act of desperation on my part, it shows just how hard I'm finding making jokes in this part of the recap. Spike rips off Chantarelle's choker, and tells his crew to take them all, but to save the Slayer for him. Until Season Six, if need be. The vamps spread out and start chowing down. Buffy only now gets up off the floor, which I guess explains why no vamp took the time to make sure she was contained. She spins Ford into a wall, knocking him out, and looks around. She spies Dru on the balcony observing the feeding frenzy, and, without hesitation, runs onto a chair and jumps up to the balcony. She climbs over the rail, grabs Dru and holds a stake to her heart, and yells Spike's name. Spike looks up, and tells everyone to stop. They must really fear him, because they obey. Buffy: "Now you let everybody out or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray." Hee. In a development that I can't explain, my DVD is missing two lines from the original airing, where Dru, terrified, calls, "Spoike?" and Spoike assures her that everything will be okay. Anyway, he orders his crew to let the humans go, which they do. After they're out, Buffy slides to the exit with Dru. She gets a really hard look on her face, and I think she was seriously considering staking Dru anyway, but realized she wouldn't get out alive that way. Anyway, she pushes Dru into Spike's arms and runs out, closing the door behind her. Spike attempts to pursue her, but bemusedly asks, "Where's the doorknob?"

By Couch Baron

Outside, the kids limp off as Angel, Willow, and Xander arrive. Buffy says that they're just in time, but not in a snarky way. She goes on that the vamps will get out eventually, and that they should go and come back when they're gone. Xander: "Come back for what?" Buffy: "For the body."

Inside, Ford comes to, and asks what happened. Spike, holding Dru, says that they're stuck in a basement. Ford asks about Buffy. Spike smirks, "She's not stuck in the basement." Ford points out that he fulfilled his end of the bargain, and Spike admits that that's true. Ford sticks his chin out and asks about his reward, his voice remarkably quaver-free. Spike and Dru say nothing. There's been some debate on the forums as to who did the actual siring, but from the way she slowly opened her eyes in response to Ford's question, and the fact that she hadn't gotten a "treat" yet, my money's on Drusilla.

Sometime later, Buffy comes through the door, which has been ripped open. She looks down the stairs and swallows, then descends to find Ford's lifeless body. The Cello Of Innocence Lost plays. I guess if Spike really wanted Ford to live forever, he could have taken the body with him.

By Couch Baron

Graveyard. The cello plays at intervals throughout this scene. Buffy lays flowers on Ford's grave. We see that she's accompanied by Giles. Although this may be a controversial opinion, I feel that this scene is one of the most pivotal the series has ever offered, so I'm going to transcribe it:

Buffy: I don't know what I'm supposed to say.
Giles: You needn't say anything.
Buffy: It'd be simpler if I could just hate him. I think he wanted me to. I think it made it easier for him to be the villain of the piece. Really he was just scared.
Giles: Yes, I suppose he was.
Buffy: Nothing's ever simple any more. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love, or hate; who to trust. It's just like the more I know, the more confused I get.
Giles: Well, I believe that's called growing up.
Buffy: I'd like to stop then, okay?
Giles: I know the feeling.
Buffy: Does it ever get easy? [Ford rises from his grave. Buffy dusts him.]
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true; the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day! No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy, as the credits roll: Liar.

That kills me every time. Rather than point out the innumerable instances of irony and foreshadowing in that speech, I'll simply say that in my mind, this episode begins the metamorphosis of the show from fairly harmless teenage fun to something far deeper, sadder, and more serious, continuing through "The Dark Age," "Surprise/Innocence," "Passion," and finally both parts of "Becoming." Ah, Season Two. Maybe I did save the best for last.