...she was whore-id

S02E01

Thanks to everyone who called the Scott Hope shout-out. Hee.

The camera pans to the right through a graveyard. We hear Willow and Xander playing a game of "Guess That Movie Quote." Willow gives one from The Terminator, and Xander gets it right. We now see them walking down the street. Xander is eating an ice cream cone. Willow gets the one right, then gives Xander "use the Force, Luke," for which Xander rightly chastises her. Willow complains that it's a dumb game, but Xander points out that they already played "Rock, Paper, Scissors," and that his hand's cramped up. I would have thought his hand was used to a lot more abuse than that. Willow deadpans that if you're always scissors, it's hard on the tendons. Hee. I'm reminded of Bart Simpson: "Good old rock. Nothin' beats that!" Xander whines that the summer was really boring. Willow hops up to sit on the stone wall and points out that they didn't run into any monsters, but Xander says he's restless. And his hand's out of commission, too. Poor planning there. He goes on that he's actually looking forward to the start of school, but Willow teases that he just wants to see Buffy again. Xander says he's over that noise, but then wonders if Willow's heard from her. Willow exposits that Buffy's in L.A. with her dad, and that Willow got a couple of postcards at the beginning of the summer, but then nothing. Once again, I marvel at how underused a little thing called the "telephone" is in the Buffyverse. Willow asks if he really doesn't care, and he admits that maybe he does a little, as he has "certain needs." Willow says she doesn't want to know. Me neither, sister.

Xander, suddenly continuing the game, touches his ice cream to Willow's nose, and does that Amish-taunting scene from Witness. It must be pretty hard not to taunt Amish people, it seems to me. I guess it's no surprise that I haven't seen one at a TWoP Con. Willow complains that her nose is cold, and Xander obligingly wipes off the ice cream. Their proximity contractually obligates The Tinkly Piano Of Sexual Tension to begin playing, and, powerless to resist, they lean in to kiss. Just before their lips touch, however, they pause, possibly because my screams of "Don't do it! For all that is holy, don't do it!" succeed in drowning out The Tinkly Piano. As they pull away, we see that a growling vamp has sneaked up on them. Willow screams and gets off the wall, and the vamp pursues them. Xander tells Willow to run, and whacks the vamp in the face. Never let it be said that I think Xander isn't brave. He grapples with the vamp in a losing effort until a hand grabs the vamp away. We see the vamp get pummeled by someone in a shiny micro-mini, and then, with the vamp on the ground, a full shot shows it to be Buffy, sporting a new, slightly fluffier hairdo. She smiles. "Hi, guys." The vamp comes at her again, and she side-kicks him into a tree, where he's dusted on a sharp protrusion. She turns back, still smiling. "Miss me?" Yes, yes we did. Credits. David Boreanaz is in them now.

I Know What You Did Last Summer. Couldn't Jennifer Love Hewitt have been eviscerated?

Xander and Willow embrace Buffy, who says she just got back. She chastises them for not having so much as a cross with them. Tes. Ti. Fy. Xander says that this vamp was the first they'd seen since she left. Buffy only half-jokingly says, "It's like they knew I was coming back." Mark it down, kids -- it's the first episode of the "It's All About Me Show" of the new season! Xander asks about her summer, and she says she partied and shopped, but didn't slay anything. In L.A.? Home of the Found Boys? Wouldn't it be cool if it turned out Buffy knew Gunn? I guess we'll never find out now. Stupid "networks." Anyway, Buffy in turn asks if they had any fun without her. Simultaneously, Willow says "yes" and Xander says "no." Aw. Poor Willow. It's no wonder they dressed her up as Cio-Cio San in "Nightmares." She'll be waiting for that Xander Pinkerton forever. Or until "Homecoming." Whoa, sorry. This kind of tangent is what happens when you recap five-year-old episodes. That's my story and I'm sticking to it, anyway. Xander goes on that the most excitement they had was burying the Master, whose grave just so happens to be in visual range. Buffy does not appear happy as she looks in that direction. Willow says they poured holy water, and Giles buried the bones. She asks if Buffy's seen Giles. Buffy semi-snits: "Why would I do that? I'll see him at school." I'm starting to sense an unkinder, ungentler Buffy. Xander says he's really glad Buffy's back. Buffy: "Me too." Buffy's face: "Except for the 'me too' part."

Chez Summers. Sars's onetime crush, Almanzo Wilder, is finishing bringing Buffy's stuff in. Joyce is shocked at how much stuff Buffy accumulated over the summer. Almanzo tells Joyce that Buffy stayed out of trouble, but was very distant. "The more time we spent together, the more I felt like she was nowhere to be seen." Reminds me of a few dates I've had, and it wasn't always the other guy acting like that. He admits that he might have overcompensated with the clothes and shoes as a result. Hilariously, as he says this, he's holding a really fugly pair of bright-yellow high heels. It's what the Morton Salt girl would wear for a night on the town. He whines that he at least knew what to say when she was burning stuff down. Uh, like what? "Yes, I have the bail money"? "Operator, can I have the number for Jacoby & Meyers"? Sheesh. Joyce empathizes, saying she hasn't been able to get through to Buffy for a long time. "I'll just be happy if she makes it through the school year." Foreshadowing snaps to and chuckles to himself. Shut up, Foreshadowing.

By Couch Baron

School courtyard. Cordy is telling a couple of random Cordettes how terrible her summer in Tuscany was. Apparently, Tuscany has a worse effect on one's adenoids than England, because her voice is making Season Seven Willow's sound positively dulcet. She complains that she was "totally beachless" for a month and a half. She goes on that suffering builds character, but she already has a lot of that. "Is it possible to have too much character?" I don't know. Is it possible to have too much tanning booth time? Snyder and Giles walk together. Snyder pontificates, comparing children to locusts. "Mindlessly bent on feeding and mating, destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist." Giles: "I do enjoy these pep talks." Hee. He wonders whether Snyder might have made the wrong career choice, but Snyder counters that someone has to keep an eye on the kids. "Every time a pretty girl walks by, every boy turns into a gibbering fool." On cue, Miss Calendar walks up to Giles. Hello, Miss Gibber! Hello, Mr. Babble! Snyder, with his back to them, keeps up the commentary. Giles invites Miss Calendar to the faculty room (is that what the kids are calling it these days?) and she accepts. They leave. Snyder: "I try and tell them about the important things in life. Discipline. Responsibility. Punctuality. Might as well be talking to myself." Hee.

Inside, Giles asks Miss Calendar how her summer was. "Extreme." Blech. I don't really know why I like Miss Calendar, given her propensity to use words and expressions that make my skin crawl. I believe Daniel ranted about the use of that word in a recent Birds of Prey recap, so I won't elaborate on my hatred of it. Miss Calendar continues that she went to the Burning Man festival, which had, among other things, raves and naked mud dances. Giles's approach-avoidance dilemma between "festival" and "naked Miss Calendar" is palpable. ["And my eye-roll at her mention of Burning Man is audible. Shut up, Miss Calendar." -- Sars] She realizes that he would have hated it. "You probably spent all summer with your nose in a book." He wonders if she thinks that's dull, but she counters that it depends on the book. Stop with the shameless Giles flirting! Uh, why is everyone suddenly looking at me? Willow and Xander come down the stairs and happily greet Giles, Xander calling him "G-Man." Giles: "Nice to see you. And don't ever call me that." Hee. Buffy is with them, and greets Giles wordlessly with a stony expression. He asks how she is, and she manages a smile as she says she's fine. Willow announces, at setting eleven, that Buffy killed a vampire the night before, and the other four shift uncomfortably. Buffy: "I think you can get a little more volume if you speak from the diaphragm." Buffy, you're the Slayer. Stop gunning for a recapping job. Exposition follows to the effect that although the Hellmouth is closed, the mystical energy from it is still concentrated in Sunnydale, so vamps are still attracted to it. So why were there no vamp sightings the whole summer in the Slayerless town? Giles wonders if the vamps are up to something specific, and says he should consult his books. Xander tells Willow to pay up, as his guess at when Giles would consult his books about something was closer than hers. Everyone smiles at him. He fake-smiles in return. Hee. The bell rings, and the group starts to disperse. Giles calls after Buffy, saying that they should restart her training when she's ready. She says she'll see him after school. He offers her a few days to get re-acclimated, but she's not interested, and walks off. Giles furrows his brow.

Library. Aggressive rock plays as Buffy does a series of karate and gymnastics moves. Using a staff, she knocks Giles into a chair. She then trains on a wooden dummy that has pads attached to it. The music speeds up to 45, and her pace goes to 78. Giles tries to call her off, but she keeps going until she breaks the dummy in two with a side kick. Giles notes that she's stayed in shape. Buffy, a little out of breath: "I'm ready. Whatever they got comin' , I'm ready. Yeah." Giles looks at her all, "Psycho Slayer, qu'est-ce que c'est?

Factory. A vampire named Absalom is lecturing a number of other vamps about how they have "lost the night." However, he says that within three days, "a new hope will arise. We will put our faith in him." Luke Skywalker is a vampire? The Anointed One takes this speech in. Great, I'd been wondering so much what had happened to him. Absalom continues, "He will show us the way." I think a crooked televangelist would have a field day with these vamps. Then again, I guess they did something like that on Angel.

After seeing commercials for Devil's Advocate and the Spice Girls for Pepsi, I feel very old indeed.

School lounge. Buffy sits and broods. Buffy, you'll never out-brood Angel, so just give it up. Xander and Willow join her, snapping her out of her reverie. Xander asks what she was thinking about, assuring her she can tell them, because they're her "bosom friends. The friends of [her] bosom." Buffy laughs at this, but confesses that she had weird dreams the night before. Willow says that the other night she dreamt about Xander. Looking up, she backpedals, "It wasn't Xander. In fact, it wasn't me. It was a friends' dream, and she doesn't remember it." Willow, the CIA called. They've preemptively turned down any job application from you. Giles rushes up, telling Buffy that he thinks he knows what the vamps are up to. She assures him that they'll deal with it. Giles: "I don't know. I mean, I've killed you once; it shouldn't be too difficult to do it again." Ominous music plays, as Buffy gapes at him. He whacks her in the face, then starts choking her. Buffy struggles against him as Xander and Willow eat snacks and smile at each other without a care in the world. Buffy manages to reach Giles's face, and pulls it off to reveal the Master. She wakes up, and closes her eyes.

When she opens them again, she seems to sense something, then looks toward the window and says hello. It's Angel. She asks if it's a social call, as it's late. "Or, well, it is for me, anyway. What is it for you, lunch hour?" He says that it's not a social call. Buffy: "So, some of your cousins are in town for a family barbecue, and we're all on the menu!" Yeah, and you're the main course: a bitch-kebab. Angel says that The Anointed One is gathering forces in town, but he's not sure where. So how exactly does he know this? Vampire chat rooms? Undead dating services? TWoP personals? I always wonder just how we're supposed to think he comes by these conveniently sketchy bits of information. Pre-Willy, of course. Buffy basically tells him que sera sera, which concerns him. He tells her not to underestimate The Anointed One, as he has power over the rest of the vamps. I presciently hear Spike saying, "Oh, please!" Buffy rudely dismisses him, and lies back down facing away from him. He says he'll go, and turns to the window. He breathes (heh) that he missed her. After a beat, she starts to tell him the same, but he's gone. Buffy looks sad and vulnerable as an ovary starts playing.

By Couch Baron

After seeing commercials for Devil's Advocate and the Spice Girls for Pepsi, I feel very old indeed.

Graveyard. Absalom, The Anointed One, and some henchvamps converge on the Master's grave, and two of them start shoveling dirt. Absalom instructs the other two to start digging with their hands, as they're in a hurry. So they couldn't invest in a couple more shovels? I'd give a little attitude about that if I were a henchvamp. Unless Sars or Wing gave the order, in which case I'd meekly obey. Hey, you haven't seen the fangs on those two. One of the shovelless vamps cries out in pain, and says that the ground is consecrated and is burning his hands. The Anointed One tells him to dig on. They uncover the Master's bones.

Bronze. The lead singer speaks the opening words to "Sugar Water." As the music kicks up, we see a pair of shoes enter the Bronze. The camera slowly pans up to reveal Buffy, clad in a simple, elegant black dress. She struts in. The slow, ethereal music brings a fitting surrealism to the scene. Angel sees her and approaches her. She sarcastically asks him if there's danger at the Bronze. He says he thinks she's angry with him, but she denies that. He asks if she's afraid of "us." She snits, "Could you contemplate getting over yourself for a second?" He'd need a trampoline for that. And I'd suggest you use it afterward, Buffy. She continues, "There's no us. Look, Angel, I'm sorry if I was supposed to spend the summer mooning over you, but I didn't. I moved on. To the living." Ouch. She does just that, walking by an observing Cordelia to get to Willow and Xander. Willow asks what's wrong with Angel, who's chewing on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. Instead of presenting her with a list, Buffy says she doesn't know. Suddenly invading Xander's personal space, she suggests they dance. They leave a hurt Willow. On the dance floor, Buffy dances in a way that's trying for "sexy," but hits somewhere between "slutty" and "embarrassingly schoolgirl." The camera spins around them as she expressionlessly grinds into Xander. Angel looks on dully (surprise, surprise) while Willow watches in disbelief and horror. Even Xander, who's getting his fantasy fulfilled, seems caught between arousal and a nagging feeling that something's not quite right. Finally, Buffy turns to him and asks him if she ever thanked him for saving her life, to which he promptly replies in the negative. Walking around him, she whispers in his ear, "Don't you wish I would?" Ouch, again. Bitch-ion accomplished, she leaves, grabbing her purse without so much as a look at Willow. She does give Angel a quick glance, though. Bette Davis makes a note to invite Buffy for a drink once she gets to heaven. Xander, meanwhile, tries valiantly to process his thoughts through the marked lack of blood flow to his brain.

Outside, Buffy starts to stalk off, but Cordy comes out and calls her name. The interaction that follows is better transcribed:

Cordy: You're really campaigning for Bitch of the Year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordy: I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close, which is nice because I don't really like you that much, but you have on occasion saved the world and stuff, so I'm gonna do you a favor.
Buffy: And this great favor is...
Cordy: I'm gonna give you some advice. Get over it.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Cordy: Whatever's causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever. But get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not gonna even have the loser friends you've got now.
Buffy: I think it's about time you start minding your own business.
Cordy: It's long past.

Hee! Even though the tone of the exchange is pretty sober, I find it hilarious. Maybe it's just that when Cordy tries to be relatively nice, this is the result. Buffy turns to go, and pulls up the very large hood on her jacket, which is hysterically incongruous, but sends a kind of "talk to the hood" message. Cordy calls after her that she'll ask Angel to dance (and Foreshadowing, you're really starting to piss me off) but a hand grabs her over the mouth. Two vamps drag her away.

In a very dark part of, ostensibly, the factory, the vamps shove Cordy into a room and lock the door. She looks around in a panic, and discovers Miss Calendar's inert form lying on the floor.

Graveyard. Buffy, now hoodless, discovers that the Master's bones have been unearthed. She backs away, and briefly hallucinates the Master standing to her. She's wigged.

School cafeteria, the day. Willow is telling Giles that the way Buffy was acting proves she must be possessed. Aw. They all used to have such faith in one another. Xander asks if it's possible that Buffy might actually be attracted to him. Reaction shots of Giles and Willow. Xander: "She's possessed." Aw, again. Even I can't laugh at Xander when they make him insult himself. Much. Giles isn't convinced, but Willow asks why else she would be acting like such a "B-I-T-C-H." Giles thinks they're too old to be spelling out words. Xander: "A bitca?" Xander is so smart! S-M-R-T! Giles suggests that Buffy may simply have issues. Only he pronounces it "ISS-yous," which is cute. He goes on that Buffy's experience with the Master must have been very traumatic, and that he suspects she hasn't dealt with the resultant feelings. Buffy has now appeared in the doorway, wearing the pink top that she should have been wearing the day before. Giles goes on, but Xander cuts him off with, "It's a very interesting point about trout, you just brought up now." Nice save, Mariano Rivera. Buffy reaches the table, and drops the bomb that the Master is gone. Willow wonders what anyone would want with the Master's bones, but Buffy bites out that they're going to bring him back, and blames Giles for not telling her that this was a possibility. Willow tries to defend Giles, but Buffy snaps that she'd like to "have a little less from the civilians." Well, as a recapper, I fancy myself enough of a non-civilian to say this: Shut your sniveling ISS-you-laden mouth, Buffy. Xander basically starts to tell her just that, but Snyder interrupts them and instructs them to get to wherever it is they're supposed to be. Buffy glares daggers, and leaves, as do Xander and Willow. Snyder says that he can just smell some things, "like a sixth sense." Giles: "Actually, that would be one of the five." Hee. Snyder says that with Buffy, he smells trouble, expulsion, "and just the faintest aroma of jail." Foreshadowing: "Don't forget death!" Couch Baron: "This roll of duct tape's for you, dude." Giles suggests to Snyder that he give Buffy the benefit of the doubt, which is magnanimous, considering how Mariah-like she's acting. Snyder asks Giles if he really has faith in the kids, and Giles says yes. Snyder: "Weird." Hee.

Library. Giles comes across a passage in Latin describing the details of the revivification ritual. I write it down for the time I'm ragingly hungover. Well, sometimes aspirin just doesn't cut it. He says that they need the Master's bones -- he casts an apologetic look at Buffy -- "which they have," and the blood of..."this is very unclear -- of the closest person -- someone connected to the vampire." I wish they had at least paid lip service to this whole bit about the Master's skeleton surviving intact -- we've seen very old vamps such as Kakistos dusted, and their bones vaporized. Anyway, Buffy suggests that it's her blood they need, as she and the Master were close. "We killed each other. It really promotes togetherness." That line always cracks me up. Xander starts to ask something, but someone throws a rock through the window. I often have that urge when Xander's talking. Buffy catches it. A note is wrapped around the rock with a bracelet, which Buffy identifies as Cordelia's. The note reads. "Save 20% on mortgage refinancing." Oh, sorry, that's my email. It actually says, "Come to the Bronze before it opens or we make her a meal." Xander: "They're gonna cook her dinner?" I hate that line -- even I don't think Xander would be that clueless. Buffy says she's going to the Bronze. The others object, but Buffy says they aren't going, because she can't look after them while she's fighting anymore. Jigga who? When has she ever done that? Willow asks about the rest of the note, and Buffy doesn't know what she means. Willow: "The part that says 'P.S. This is a trap!'" Ah, I liked this Willow. Buffy says she can handle it. Willow: "Stop saying that!" Word. Xander points out that Cordy may already be dead. Buffy: "This is my fight." Whatever.

Exterior of the Bronze. Buffy realizes that Angel is behind her, and snarks that being stalked isn't a big turn-on for her. Given how things went with Spike, I don't quite believe you, sweetie. Angel says she needs someone to watch her back. Buffy: "You sure you don't mean my neck?" Angel: "Why are you ridin' me?" Sometimes this job is too easy. I shouldn't even bother with that one. Oh, all right. I thought he'd say, "Why aren't you riding me?" Buffy says she doesn't trust him, as he's a vampire. He bristles, and she snarks, "Oh, I'm sorry, is that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'?" Hee. Angel says she's not as strong as she thinks, eliciting the response, "Think you can take me?" Okay, this one I'm letting go. Really. He's shocked. She goes on that he must have thought about what would happen if they ever fought. "Come on. Kick my ass." Is that an invitation for all comers? Because if so, the line would go around the block. ["And I'd be in it at least twice. Shut up, Buffy." -- Sars] Angel manages to point out that she has somewhere to be, although I don't know how he'd know that, unless Giles called him, which is certainly possible. Buffy walks away.

By Couch Baron

In a very dark part of, ostensibly, the factory, the vamps shove Cordy into a room and lock the door. She looks around in a panic, and discovers Miss Calendar's inert form lying on the floor.

Graveyard. Buffy, now hoodless, discovers that the Master's bones have been unearthed. She backs away, and briefly hallucinates the Master standing to her. She's wigged.

Bronze. Xander and Angel watch as Buffy smacks the vamp around a little. The vamp taunts her that her friends are already dead. Buffy again asks where they are. Vamp: "What are you gonna do? Kill me?" You seem a little unclear on the concept of a Slayer, dear. Perhaps she simply meant to convey that she was unafraid to die, but in that case I would expect some overwrought proclamation about how she'd gladly die if it meant bringing the Master back to life. Damn you, Joss, for flouting the rules of overacting! Anyway, by way of answering, Buffy flips her over onto the pool table. "As a matter of fact, yes!" She takes off her cross, puts it in the vamp's mouth, and holds her jaws shut as smoke starts to emanate from it. "But since I'm not gonna kill you any time soon, the question becomes, how are we going to pass the time till then?" Get down with your bad self, Buffy! Xander and Angel look slightly put off. Hee. She releases the vamp's jaws and removes the cross from her mouth. "So. One more time." I would have liked to hear the response. "Theh ah thuh fatry." "What?" "My tun ith burnd! Theh fatry!"

Fatry -- er, "factory." The Master's skeleton is laid out on a table. The Anointed One hands Absalom a small case. Absalom instructs a henchvamp to begin, and he operates a pulley, from which Willow, Giles, Cordy, and Miss Calendar are suspended upside-down. This must have been a tough Buffy for them to film. If you happen to notice, you can see that ASH's hand keeps hitting the skeleton throughout this scene. Hee. Buffy, Angel, and Xander surreptitiously enter as Absalom gives a scenery-chewing speech about how the humans' blood will pour new life into the Master. Considering how we've seen that resurrection rituals can "go wrong," it amuses me to consider what the Master might have been like if the ritual had been allowed to continue. The Master: Dead And Loving It! Actually, that's kind of what he was like. Xander tells Buffy they need to do something now. Buffy tells them to get the others out of there. Angel says she needs to distract the vampires, and Buffy agrees. Xander: "What are you gonna do?" Buffy: "I'm gonna kill them all. That ought to distract them." Hee. But if I ever need Buffy to create a diversion for me, I'm bringing the dictionary definition.

Absalom has drawn a knife from the case. "For the Old One. For his pain. For the dark." The vamps join in a rousing chorus of "for the dark," except that one of them turns to dust in the middle of the word "dark." His disintegration reveals Buffy. After a shocked moment, Absalom screams, and chaos results. As Buffy fights, Angel and Xander climb a ladder to reach the pulley. Absalom shepherds The Anointed One out the door, then yells as Angel and Xander start pulling the four unconscious humans in. Absalom runs back out. Dude, I can't decide who's more useless -- you or The Anointed One. Buffy kicks some ass. Xander and Angel retrieve the sacrifices. A vamp comes up to their level; Angel engages him, and they crash through part of the floor. Miss Calendar and Giles have regained consciousness, although Willow still looks out of it. No shot of Cordy, which makes me wonder if she was sick when the episode was filmed -- that would explain the hoarseness. Giles asks where Buffy is. Xander: "She's workin' out her issues." Hee. Buffy's down to one large older male Deadhead (geddit?) type. She kicks him into some crates. Angel stakes his foe. Absalom returns, holding a large mallet, and yells a battle cry. "Your day is done, girl. I'll grind you into a sticky paste, and hear you beg, before I smash in your face." I'd point out that I've never heard a sticky paste beg, but Buffy's response is better: "So, are you gonna kill me, or are we just making small talk?" Ha! Absalom and the Deadhead rush her from opposite directions. Buffy snaps off a large wooden torch that was ostensibly there for the ritual. She swiftly stakes the Deadhead and sets Absalom on fire. The Deadhead combusts, and Absalom disappears in a very cool-looking mass of flames. Don't blow the special-effects budget for the new season already, Joss! Buffy's lip starts to twitch. Willow, who's regained consciousness now: "It's over." Xander: "No it's not." I love those role-reversal moments where Xander is clued in and Willow isn't. Buffy, holding back tears, picks up the mallet. She pauses, then starts smashing away at the Master's bones. Giles, Willow, and Xander look on with concern. Aw. Angel walks up behind her. After she finishes her very thorough job on the bones, she turns and buries her face in Angel's chest, sobbing.

By Couch Baron

Buffy enters the open, but empty, Bronze. I don't need to bitch about the unlikelihood of this, do I? Good. Because there's nothing I hate more than a good bitch session. Oh, wait, it's my mother that hates bitch sessions. I love them. Where was I? I notice that the Bronze has the exact same chairs that I have in my kitchen, which helps explain how they can afford to keep replacing the furniture after all the fights. Buffy sees a girl on her knees crying, facing away from her. Angel enters behind her. Buffy: "That's not Cordelia." Of course not -- the only way to make old-school Cordelia cry was to cut up her credit cards. A little thing like being kidnapped was no big deal. From the other side, we see that the girl is actually a vampire. She turns and says Cordy couldn't make it. Angel points out that something is off. "There's the bait. Where's the hook?" The vamp rushes Buffy, but Buffy quickly subdues her. Angel's comment finally gets through to Buffy. "Why would they send just one?"

Library. Giles reaches a breakthrough in the passage he read earlier, explaining that the Latin was badly translated from the Sumerian. I have to give props to the continuity editors for remembering that he spoke Sumerian in "Primeval." He says that what he read as "closest" actually means physically nearest. "The person, or persons, who were with him...when..." He looks up, realization evident on his face. "It is a trap." Behind Willow and Xander, several of The Anointed One's henchvamps are on the balcony. "It just isn't for her." Remember twists and turns? Yeah, I liked them too.

By Couch Baron

Buffy tells Angel to watch the vamp, and leaves. She enters the library. It looks like the Biker Santa funeral was held there. Minus all the bottles of Jack Daniel's, of course. Xander pulls himself to his feet from behind an overturned desk. Buffy tries to help him, but he shrugs her off. She asks what happened. "Vampires. The ones you could handle yourself." He's a bit of a mess, with blood pouring out of his nose. He rightly chews her out for the way she's behaved, pointing out that if she'd worked with them even a little bit, this never would have happened. Her false confidence shattered, she tries to think. Xander: "If they hurt Willow, I'll kill you." Ow. That comment turns out to be constructive, though, as it prompts Buffy to ask why they took Willow and Giles and left him behind. That's leaving me open again, but I'll let it go out of respect for Xander's bravery. And blood. Xander explains Giles's new translation of the passage, and Buffy says they need to find out the location of the ritual. Xander: "How?"

By Couch Baron

School, outside. Cordy is commiserating with Miss Calendar about how awful their ordeal was. "You can dry-clean till Judgment Day, you are living with those stains." Miss Calendar: "Whatever." Well, not in so many words. Buffy tells Giles that she can't face Willow and Xander. He thinks punishing herself is pointless. Tape-record that and carry it around with you, Giles -- it would cut down on a lot of the moping on this show. Buffy whines that she put her friends in mortal danger. Giles says that it's "hardly the worst mistake you'll ever make." I hear a muffled sound coming from the corner where Foreshadowing is tied up. At Buffy's horrified look, he says he meant that to be more comforting. Hee. The bell rings.

Buffy enters a classroom. Willow and Xander see her. Xander, sitting in front of Willow, turns back away from her, to "heighten" the "suspense." Oh, come on, there's an empty chair to Willow. Bad blocking! Bad! Buffy resignedly enters. Willow generously says hello, and Buffy smiles. Willow tells her they saved her a seat. Aw. Xander smiles and tells her that their teacher is supposed to be really boring. Remember when these three actually liked each other? Sniff. He asks what they should do that night. Willow says the Bronze is "kinda beat" on Wednesdays. Xander: "Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammer, but gosh, we did that last night." Hee. Aw. Sniff. Buffy smiles gratefully, and the three of them start chatting as music kicks up. Wow, Buffy was moody and punished herself for an episode, instead of an entire season! How novel!

Factory. The Anointed One returns and surveys the Master's broken bones. "I hate that girl." Ha. Ha. Jackass.