"This is madness," lectures Giles as he paces back and forth in the library. "I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility and instead you enslave yourself to th-th-this cult?" The shot switches to show Buffy in the saddest cheerleader "outfit" I've seen outside of a Toys R Us aisle. She's standing with raised pom-poms in a completely unnatural pose. She bounces up to him and tells him that she's trying out for the squad. Giles reminds her that she was "chosen to destroy vampires, not to wave pom-poms at people, and as a Watcher I forbid it." Buffy asks how he plans to stop her, thereby throwing her first cog in the wheel known as The Council. Buffy assures Giles that she won't neglect her duties, but she wants to do "something normal. Something safe." Hey, this is before Joss learned to be subtle with the foreshadowing, isn't it?
The camera pans around a room bearing a cauldron with boiling green tempera paint and other witchy accessories. An unidentified hand drops a necklace into the goo and then grabs a Barbie-sized doll dressed as a cheerleader.
In the gym, girls are warming up in preparation for cheerleader try-outs, although it looks more like tryouts from the gymnastics team from the amount of cartwheels and such. Buffy and the gang enter the gym as Buffy is telling them about Giles's reaction to her after-school activity. Xander ogles the candidates, and Buffy rolls her eyes and walks off. Willow teases Xander about "pretending that seeing scantily clad girls in revealing postures was a religious experience." Xander replies that he wasn't pretending, and then remembers that he has a gift for Buffy. It's an ID bracelet with "Yours always" engraved on it. Xander assures her that they all came that way. Willow, still in her full-on Xander crush mode, is disturbed. Cordelia stalks up to the gang and snits, "Just look at that Amber. Who does she think she is, a Laker girl?" Inside joke time. Charisma Carpenter is a former Laker girl. Another girl calls all the girls to attention and tells Amber to go first. Willow spots Amy and introduces her to Buffy. Willow comments on the weight that Amy has lost, and Amy replies that she "had to." Some generic hip-hop song begins and Amber starts her routine. It's pretty athletic, which causes Buffy and Amy look worried. Amy tells Buffy that Amber trains with one of the best cheerleading coaches available. Buffy is surprised to learn that there are cheerleading coaches, but Amy is more surprised that Buffy isn't aware of this. Me too. I mean, wouldn't Buffy have seen that rash of TV movies about the Texas cheerleader mom who took out a hit on her daughter's closest rival? Amy says that her mother coaches her six hours a day, and Buffy quips that if she spent that much "quality" time with her mom it would lead to some "quality matricide." Cordelia, having seen enough of Amber's performance, pointedly turns her back on her. Amber starts smoking, causing Willow to exclaim, "That girl's on fire!" "Enough with the hyperbole," dictates Cordelia as Amber throws down her pom-poms and spouts fire from her palms. I used to do that same trick with rubber cement when I was a teenager. A quick-thinking Buffy grabs a banner hanging above the bleachers and tackles Amber to smother the blaze, since her cheerleading routine has pushed out any memory of those "Stop! Drop! And roll!" public service announcements. Buffy reassures Amber that everything is going to be okay.
Back in the library, the gang is discussing the recent events, and Giles mentions that spontaneous combustion is very rare and unexplainable. Xander is disturbed that Giles doesn't know the cause, but Giles tells Xander that it's part of the "thrill of living on the Hellmouth; it's a veritable cornucopia of fiends and devils and ghouls to engage." At least we know why Giles didn't try to get a job as a travel agent this past season. Buffy asks if there are any "common denominators" in human combustion cases, and Giles replies that usually the victim is very upset. Buffy takes off to go gather information about Amber, but before she can leave, Willow and Xander offer to help. Buffy says that she doesn't like putting them in danger and Xander scoffs that he "laugh[s] in the face of danger. And then [he] hide[s] until it goes away." Willow says they are like a team, in that Buffy is The Slayer and they're "the Slayerettes." Buffy agrees to accept their help but reminds them to be cautious.
At home in the kitchen, Joyce is struggling with a crowbar to open a crate of artifacts for the gallery, which probably should have been delivered to the gallery, but let's not quibble. Buffy is wearing white-on-white, which is not really an attractive look for anyone. Buffy tells Joyce about the tryouts. Joyce, preoccupied with her crate, tells Buffy all the things that a mom is supposed to, but Buffy stops her to ask if Joyce knows what Buffy was trying out for in the first place; Joyce doesn't know because she's distracted by all the work that needs to be done to prepare for the gallery's first show. Joyce gives up on the crate and picks up a clipboard to check on some numbers. Meanwhile, Buffy flips open the crate's lid with one hand. Buffy tells Joyce that she's trying out for cheerleading, and Joyce is pleased to hear it because Buffy "stopped cheerleading just before the trouble so it's good [she's] going back." Buffy is surveying the contents of the fridge as Joyce opens a crate and says, "Oh dear." She replaces the lid and tells Buffy that's it's only a fertility statue and it's nothing that Buffy needs to see. Buffy tells Joyce about Amy and her mom, finishing with, "Sounds like her mom's pretty into it." "It sounds like her mom doesn't have a lot to do," says Joyce, accurately assessing the situation before leaving the room. Buffy, a little put out that Joyce didn't pick up on her plea for more attention, lifts the lid of the crate a few inches to check out the fertility statue before exclaiming, "Jeepers," and quickly replacing the lid.
In the gym the day, the cheerleader tryouts continue. Whoever makes the team will have their names posted in the quad after lunch. Quick decision. I just find it so odd that they wouldn't have chosen the new cheerleaders at the end of the last school year so they wouldn't have to go for even one day without an elite trained squad of snobs and bitches to make life a living hell for the less fortunate. At least that's how they did it at my school. So anyway, they start with a group performance, and a nervous Amy flubs a cartwheel and crashes into Cordelia. This is the saddest collection of cheerleaders I have ever seen. ["Ever seen an all-girls'-school cheer squad? That's the saddest collection of anything you've ever seen, trust me." -- Sars] I don't believe for one moment that any of these girls would slam me to the ground and stand on my chest mocking me in front of the whole school the way Tricia Connelly did in ninth grade. Cordelia is very worried that Amy's mistake will affect her chance to join the squad.
Later, in the hallway, Amy is standing and staring morosely into the trophy case when Buffy walks up wearing a fugly black-and-white geometrically patterned Rampage top with her hair up in an chignon. Who does that to their hair in high school? Amy tells Buffy that the picture of the cheerleader is her mom, Catherine. We learn that Amy's mom and dad were homecoming king and queen and got married right after high school. Buffy pronounces this "romantic," while I suppress a shudder. Amy goes on to tell Buffy that her dad left her mom when Amy was twelve and it's just been the two of them ever since. Thereby proving that popularity in high school is the kiss of death. Amy is distraught about her performance at try-outs, and Buffy tries to comfort her but Amy isn't having it and goes to change. As she's leaving, Willow joins Buffy and fills her in on Amy's history -- namely that Amy's mother is a psycho control freak. Buffy asks if Willow has any news on Amber, but the only thing Willow has come up with is that Amber had detention once for smoking: "Regular smoking -- not, like, being smoky." Buffy says that they'll have to wait and see, but maybe nothing will come of it. You better hope something comes of it, Buffy, otherwise you'll be out of a job.
Drip. Drip. Drip go the showerheads in the girls locker room. They don't need to cue the spooky music; girls' locker rooms are scary enough in their own right for any girl who had to change for PE in junior high. Amy is changing in front of her locker, and jumps when she hears a noise. She turns around to leave but runs into Cordelia. Amy apologizes for knocking Cordelia down earlier, and Cordelia tells her that if she doesn't make the squad Amy is "going to be so very beyond sorry." Cordelia turns and stalks out, slamming a locker door on her way out as part of her best "girl in a prison movie who is about to make you her bitch" impression.
Willow and Xander are walking to the quad; Willow says that she told Buffy about Amber. Xander asks if Buffy was wearing the bracelet he gave her and says, "It's pretty much like we're going out." "Except without the hugging, or kissing, or her knowing about it," teases Willow. Xander ponders if he should ask Buffy out and then says to Willow the worst thing in the world to hear when you're a girl who has a crush on a clueless boy -- that she's his "guy friend who knows about girl stuff." Xander sees that the cheerleading squad list is being posted across the quad and takes off running. He forces his way through a gaggle of girls. Cordelia slinks past Buffy and Amy and tells Amy that she's "lucky." Amy: "I made it?" Cordelia: "I made it." By this time Xander is back, and he tells Amy and Buffy that they both made the team, Buffy being the first alternate and Amy the third. Upon hearing this devastating news, Amy runs off. Willow informs Xander that alternates are the people who only make the team if someone drops out. How could Xander not know that? Didn't he ever play Little League? Buffy rushes off to comfort Amy and Xander says, "For I am Xander, king of cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me."
Buffy has caught up to Amy and invites her over to pig out on brownies. But Amy refuses to be comforted, saying that "this never would have happened to my mother."
The camera pans up on a dark forbidding house, all the way up to the attic. The shot switches to inside the attic, and it's the cauldron of boiling green tempera paint. A figure in a black robe violently snatches another doll dressed as a cheerleader and wraps a scrunch around its eyes. The figure casts a spell which ends with "accept my sacrifice of Cordelia," as she throws the doll into the cauldron. Since they're going to such trouble to hide the face of the figure, I think it would be a lot more suspenseful if the closed captioning didn't identify the speaker as Amy.
It's morning in the Summers household. Buffy is making a bagel. Joyce comes downstairs to show Buffy her high-school yearbook. Buffy glances at Joyce's picture, saying, "Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair." Joyce corrects her that it's actually Gidget hair and suggests that Buffy join the yearbook staff. Buffy declines. Joyce tries to sell yearbook some more, but this sets Buffy off. "This just in. I'm not you. I'm into my own thing." Joyce reminds Buffy that "her thing" is responsible for them moving to Sunnydale because it was the only school that would accept her. Buffy gives Joyce a wounded look and stomps out. Left alone in the kitchen, Joyce rolls her eyes and says, "Ugh. Great parenting form. Little shaky on the dismount."
An obviously dazed Cordelia is walking down the hall. I mean, that outfit? Shiny floral patterned green shirt tied at the waist with pinstripe pants? Xander grouses to Willow about how he's invisible to everyone including Buffy. He decides that he actually has to bite the bullet and ask Buffy out. Luckily for him, she approaches while his resolve is still fresh. Buffy notices Cordelia leaning against a bank of lockers while Xander tries to stumble through his spiel. She tells him that she'll catch up with him later and follows Cordelia with a concerned look, leaving Xander holding her book. To Willow, Xander mimics the sound of a bomb falling and exploding.
Cordelia approaches the driver's ed car, and the instructor tells her that it's her turn to drive. Cordelia attempts to tell him that she doesn't feel well, but the instructor informs her that since she's flunked twice already she has to. What an idiot. I certainly wouldn't get in the car with a teen driver's ed recidivist who said she was ill. Inside, we get a shot from Cordelia's point of view, and everything is fuzzy. The instructor tells her to "move forward through the cones with a gentle even turn --" which is as far as he gets before Cordelia peels out in reverse and loses control of the car through the parking lot. She ends up driving through the fence and coming to a stop in the middle of the street, because I guess when you're going blind, you lose the ability to find the brake pedal. Buffy, who has kept an eye on the situation, is in close pursuit. Cordelia gets out of the car and stands to it, trying to regain her balance. Suddenly there's a UPS truck bearing down on her, and I guess he's going blind too because he's not even trying to brake. Buffy rushes over and climbs over the hood of the driver's ed car (nice pants, Buffy. Not) and pushes Cordelia out of the way. The UPS truck clips the mirror on the driver's ed car. On the ground, Cordelia is exclaiming that she can't see anything, and when the camera focuses on her face she's wearing those creepy costume contact lenses that make your pupils disappear.
Library. "First vampires and now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale," Xander quips. Giles idly wonders why anyone would wish ill on Cordelia, "Maybe because they met her?" ventures Willow. "And what about Amy?" wonders Giles. Buffy puts two and two together and realizes that they're both cheerleaders. This leads to the speculation that Amy is the culprit. Giles wants some proof before they confront Amy, so Willow and Buffy go to see who has checked out the books on witchcraft. Hey! My school didn't have any books on witchcraft. I guess you miss out when you don't go to high school on the Hellmouth. Xander tries in vain to dissuade them, but despite his efforts the gang learns that he is responsible for all the missing witchcraft books, which he checked out so that he could ogle the semi-nude engravings. What a freak -- can't he just snag his dad's Playboy like a normal guy? Meanwhile, Giles has found a witch identification spell. He reads off the ingredients, most of which are available in the science lab. For some reason the directions really crack me up: "Heat ingredients and apply to witch." If Amy is the culprit, her skin will turn blue.
Xander and Willow sit in biology class as their teacher lectures on dissecting frogs. Xander attempts to remove the eye from his frog but gets squeamish, so Willow takes over, quickly plucking the eye out and dropping it into a beaker of liquid. Across the room, Buffy approaches Amy, claiming to need help with the science experiment. As Buffy fiddles with her fuzzy-topped pencil (I remember when those were so popular a few years ago), Amy points out the ingredients for the experiment should be in obviously labeled bottles. Buffy fakes embarrassment and then drops her pencil in an extremely contrived manner. I wouldn't recommend going out for the drama club, Buffy, if that's the best you can do. When she reaches down to grab it, she takes the opportunity to reach into Amy's bag and steal some hair off her brush. Buffy stands back up and grins at Amy, who gives her a strange smirk. Buffy then crosses the room and dumps the hair on the lab table in front of Willow, who adds it to her concoction. She then pours some of the liquid into a test tube and gives it to Buffy, who walks across the room and spills it on Amy's arm. Amy's arm turns blue where the liquid splashed her, but before she and Buffy can do anything there's a commotion across the room. Another one of the cheerleaders has fallen victim to Amy's spell-casting. This one suffers the horrible fate of having poorly blended stage make-up caked over her mouth. Or her mouth has disappeared. However you choose to look at it, I guess. The girl moans behind her bad makeup job, and a reaction shot shows Amy to be fully shocked.
Willow, Xander, and Buffy discuss Amy's surprised reaction in a school hallway. Willow suggests that Amy isn't the witch, but Buffy insists that she is and is perhaps unaware of her powers. Buffy proposes to talk to Amy's mother about the situation. Which she doesn't actually ever do. Buffy really did take her Slayer duties more lightly in the past.
We see Amy walking up to her house and entering the yard through a large gate decorated with a grinning devil's head. She opens the front door and enters, slamming the door behind her. As she's about to climb the stairs, she gets a menacing smirk on her face and demands, "Where are you?" In the living room, Amy's mother comes hurrying out, obviously terrified. Amy sneers at her mother for spending the day in front of the television and then snottily orders her mother to write her history report for her. Amy muses that she should be on the cheerleading team by now, but blames Buffy for interfering with her plans. Catherine Madison appears about to speak, but just opens and closes her mouth. We see that Amy has the bracelet Xander gave Buffy. She looks at it appraisingly and says she's going upstairs. After she leaves, Catherine Madison lets out a sigh and slumps a little. ["Isn't this plot taken wholesale from the Twilight Zone movie -- including the girl-with-no-mouth part?" -- Sars]
The camera sneaks along the floor of Buffy's room, past a jumble of girlish clutter. Buffy herself lies sleeping, but one of the largest suspension-of-disbelief problems I have with first-season Buffy is that anyone would actually sleep on pillow with elaborate old-fashioned crocheted covers. You might have them on your bed, but would toss them aside at bedtime, unless you fancied waking up looking like a puffy scar-face. Buffy's alarm goes off and she reaches out to shut it off, smashing the clock instead. Buffy enters the kitchen, wearing her cheerleading uniform and warbling "Macho Man" by the Village People. She bounces perkily through the kitchen, swinging her ponytail, and gulps a glass of juice. I reflect, for the umpteenth time this summer, on how much more attractive and healthy-looking SMG used to be. Buffy tells her mom she's excited to be on the squad, and when her mother tries to apologize for the day before, Buffy cuts her off, saying, "That's totally yester." Joyce tries to discuss it again but Buffy starts to ramble that there are "just some things about being a vampire slayer that the older generation --" Joyce breaks in, demanding to know if Buffy feels okay, but Buffy just continues her spazz and perks her way right out of the kitchen, still singing "Macho Man."
In the gym, the cheerleaders are practicing a routine. Buffy is in the back row; she seems to have the moves down but is a little, well, agitated. After a hip-swinging move, Buffy oversteps and stomps on the head cheerleader's foot. The girl starts yelling and bitching her out. Xander and Willow (wearing a ringer T-shirt and old-man cardigan -- she used to dress like Oz!) enter the gym, and when Buffy spots them she starts jumping up and down and screaming out their names. Xander and Willow look quite apprehensive and discuss getting the "looped" Buffy out of the routine before she hurts someone. Too late for that, though, since Buffy has managed to flip the head cheerleader clear across the gym. The head cheerleader kicks Buffy off the team and appoints Amy, who is standing nearby looking haunted. Buffy begins to protest, yelling that Amy is a witch, but Xander claps his hand over her mouth and drags her out of the gym. Amy stares after them.
Out in the hall, Xander and Willow are supporting Buffy, who is staggering and babbling as if drunk. She clings to Xander, drooling that she loves him, and Xander looks quite taken with the experience, until Buffy explains that he is "totally and completely one of the girls." Xander looks stunned and Willow smirks. They continue to usher Buffy down the hall until she suddenly stops and, looking pale, slumps between their arms.
In the library, Willow is insisting that they take Buffy to a hospital, but Giles says doctors won't be able to help her. He's kneeling beside Buffy, who is reclining in a chair with a damp towel on her head. As he takes her pulse, he explains that Buffy is under the influence of a bloodstone vengeance spell. They establish that, although Amy only wanted to remove the other girls from competition, she's actually trying to kill Buffy. Giles comes clean and admits that Buffy only has a few hours to live, but that he could reverse the spell if he had Amy's spell book. Their only other alternative is to cut the witch's head off. Xander likes the sound of that plan, but Buffy defends Amy, saying she only became a witch to deal with living with her mother. They decide to search Amy's house for the area in which she casts spells, and the gang helps Buffy up. She and Giles leave, instructing Willow and Xander to stay at the school and keep an eye out for Amy.
Giles and Buffy pull up to the Madison house in Giles's little dinky car. Inside, Catherine Madison is munching on a plate of brownies, which she hides as soon as she hears a knock on the door. She runs to the door and opens it to Buffy and Giles. Catherine tries to get rid of them, but Giles forces his way inside, telling Catherine that her daughter is meddling with something very dangerous. Catherine affects no knowledge and tells them to leave, but Giles won't have any of it. As he and Catherine argue, Buffy spots the plate of brownies and starts to get a look of understanding when Catherine insists that she doesn't care about cheerleading. Buffy gently addresses Catherine as "Amy" and explains to Giles that Catherine actually switched bodies with her daughter so she could use her daughter's body to "relive her glory days." Amy confirms that Buffy is correct. Amy-as-Catherine sits on the sofa, explaining to Buffy and Giles how terrible her life was after her father left her and her mother. Her mother railed on her constantly for wasting her youth, and one morning Amy just woke up in her mother's body. Buffy, looking very limp and pale, places her hand in Amy's and assures her that everything will turn out all right.
Giles breaks into Catherine's attic room and finds all the creepy voodoo Barbies hanging from the ceiling. As he looks at two dolls laced together, one with a defaced head, he assures Amy that he will be able to reverse all of her mother's spells. He starts to search for Catherine's books and, in a goofy throw-away moment, is startled by a black cat that leaps from a trunk. Salem Saberhagan, was that you? He continues his search for the correct books as Amy gathers all of Catherine's dolls. Amy and Giles hurry downstairs, and Giles scoops Buffy off the couch. He carries her out of the house while instructing Amy to accompany them.
In the gym, the Sunnydale boys' basketball team comes running out onto the floor. Loud music plays as the Sunnydale cheerleaders do their thing, Catherine as Amy amongst them. Xander and Willow sit in the bleachers, looking apprehensive.
Giles carries Buffy into one of the science labs and lays her out on a lab table. He tells her to hang on and starts to prepare his magic.
Back in the gym, Catherine Madison is cheering away and looking victorious as the crowd roars and the game continues behind her.
Giles speaks Latin and English incantations as he mixes liquids and Amy helps with the preparations. In the gym, Catherine cheers but can suddenly see the science lab through Amy's eyes. In turn, Amy can see the events in the gym and informs Giles the spell is working. Catherine, executing some damn cheerleading thing where you stand on other people's hands, starts to get woozy and falls, knocking down the other girls. She glares at everyone around her and they back away from her. She then runs out of the gym and heads for the science lab. As she comes through a door, she runs into Willow, who attempts to distract her while Xander sneaks up behind. Catherine senses Xander and uses her powers to choke him and them decks Willow in the face.
In the lab, Giles continues his very long spell, including a part where he shouts, "Take of mine energy and be sated," and then plunges his hands into a tub full of dry ice. Buffy looks like she's about to expire. Catherine, looking like nine kinds of evil, continues through the school hallways towards the science lab. She grabs the door and struggles to open it and then grabs a fire ax and begins to hack at the door. As Giles shouts, "Release," over and over, Catherine stomps into the lab and swings the ax high over Buffy's inert form. Suddenly, however, Catherine looks very disoriented and lowers the ax. Buffy sits up, obviously feeling much better, and inquires, "Amy?" Amy, back in her proper body, replies, but suddenly Buffy is knocked down by the crazed Catherine Madison. Exactly what was Giles doing this whole time? Giles finally attempts to come to Buffy's aid, but Catherine smashes him with a lab table. She then uses her magic to snatch the ax from Amy and begins to harangue Amy for ruining her life. She threatens to put Amy "where [she] can't make trouble again." Oops, Buffy has another idea -- she pops up behind Catherine and tosses her across the room. Catherine gets back on her feet and begins to cast a spell, sending a huge bolt of purple energy towards Buffy. At the last second, Buffy flips down a large mirror and sends the bolt of magic back towards Catherine, who is engulfed by it and vanishes screaming. Buffy gives Giles a hand up and checks that everyone is okay. Giles hopes that all the spells were reversed, claiming this as his first casting, and Buffy calls him "a god" for saving her life. As Buffy, Giles, and Amy smile, Xander bursts into the room and grabs Amy, yelling for the others to cut her head off. Buffy and Giles explain the body-switching, and then Willow rushes into the room, swinging a bat and shouting. Xander tells her everything is okay and that he "took care of it."
Buffy is in her bedroom, tidying, when her mother walks in and says, "I don't get it." She tries to explain to Buffy that she just can't understand her and mentions a "biological imperative whereby I can't understand you because I'm not sixteen." I really like Joyce, but she doesn't sound like the sharpest stake in the weapons chest when she misuses words like "biological imperative." Buffy asks Joyce is she ever wishes to return to being sixteen and Joyce expresses a definite lack of interest. Buffy tells her she loves her and gives her a peck on the cheek.
At school, an excited Amy is regaling Buffy with stories of living with her dad. It's a real toss-up between Buffy and Amy here for ugliest outfit of the episode: Buffy in a mottled tie-dyed mini-dress with bell sleeves, or Amy in a pink zip-front sweatshirt, pink and gray tie-dye T-shirt that looks like a monkey barfed on it, and white plaid pants. Amy is very excited to be living with a loving parent who wants to spend time with her. As they walk along, Cordy comes up behind and insincerely expresses her condolences for their getting bumped back off the team. Amy snipes that she'll "miss the intellectual thrill of spelling out words with [her] arms," and although Cordy accuses her of sour grapes, I think Amy got a good zinger in. Amy and Buffy pause in front of the trophy case and look at Catherine's trophy. Buffy asks if Amy has heard from her mother, and Amy says, "Wherever she is, I don't think we'll have to worry." As the girls walk away, Amy mentioning that she's thinking of getting fat (don't do that, Amy, or they'll fire you like they did the initial Willow!), the camera pulls in close to the trophy. We see that it has brown human eyes, darting back and forth, and we hear muffled screaming.