We start, naturally, with a flashback to HoH Frank's nomination of Dan and Danielle on Sunday night, and rejoin the houseguests on Day 49. Danielle's bereft, because having not watched this season at all, she thinks the only way to survive this week is for her to campaign against Dan. Who, in turn, is counting on being able to convince Ian to save him with the Power of Veto Ian got during the Pandora's Box interlude. Frank DRs that Dan's been coming after him all summer, but he hopes to take Dan out with one shot. As for Ian himself, he DRs that he's still not sure what he's going to do. At least we know the wishy-washy thing isn't an act, then.
In the backyard (which is still strewn with balls from the Pandora's Box game), Britney and Dan discuss their move. Ideally, Britney or Shane will win the PoV competition and use it on one of the current nominees, and then Ian will use his on the other. Britney goes and explains the sitch to Ian: if she or Shane wins PoV, the Quack Pack is safe, Otherwise, "bye-bye-Dan." As we will see, Britney is underestimating Dan.
Given that Ian is ineligible as the current holder of a Veto already, the drawing for the PoV players is pretty much best-case for the Quack Pack. In addition to automatic players Frank, Dan, and Danielle, Shane and Britney's names are drawn, and then Dan pulls Houseguest's Choice and picks Jenn. This will prove surprisingly fortuitous. Frank says he has to pick a host as well, and names Ian, probably just so the producers can show the expectant smile getting wiped off Joe's crestfallen face. Dan DRs that the agreed-upon plan is for him to throw the PoV to Shane or Britney, but he doesn't trust either of them to save him as much as he trusts himself. And if the Quack Pack has to go down for his sake, so be it. Hell, it's called the Quack Pack.
Jenn approaches Frank to propose an alliance with him, I guess because after seven weeks in the house she finally thought of a move she could make. Frank seems to appreciate Jenn's offer of not making him swing out there by himself, but on the other hand, what does she have to contribute other than dead weight? There's going to have to be some kind of highly unlikely turn of events if this development is going to have any effect on the game at all.
The backyard is made up like a cheesy art gallery, in keeping with the PoV competition's theme. Which appears to be Draw Something, which is of course THE hottest online game of six months ago. Can't wait until year's SongPop-themed challenge.
Wearing a beret, Ian explains that random users' drawings will pop up on a screen, along with the right number of blank letters and a list of letters to choose from to spell out the correct answer, just as if the players really were playing Draw Something, but without the high-tech savvy that game normally requires. In the DR, Britney reminds us that either she or Shane has to win the PoV to preserve the whole Quack Pack, and Dan reminds us that he has no intention of letting that happen.
In the first round, Frank is the first to guess the word "avocado," but each correct answer is associated with a specified punishment that the player must submit to in order to gain the points, or else choose to be eliminated. In this case, Frank has to immerse himself in a tub of green slime. Frank readily makes the two-point dunk.
round, Dan correctly guesses the word "hunger." He has to eat some gross hors d'oevres and earns five points for it, as well as Britney's irritation that he doesn't seem to be sticking to the plan. Then Jenn buzzes in to guess the word "clock." Somehow this means she has to strip to her underwear and burn her clothes for 4 points, which she quickly does. Britney then guesses "shackle," which means she's going to have to be shackled to a person of her choosing for 24 hours to score herself six points. She picks Danielle, which will at least be better than being chained to Brendon again.
In the fifth round, Frank buzzes in to guess the word "shower," which means he has to give himself chum-showers over the 24 hours, any time a horn blows. And then he guesses the word "carrot," meaning he also has to wear a carrot costume for the week. It's even more ridiculous than the spiritard. At least he's in the lead now, with 12 points.
Frank then guesses "bench," which means that to earn the points, he has to sit out the HoH competition that he's eligible for. So he wasn't going to be able to play in it tomorrow anyway, but now he's going to have to skip week's as well. And given that Frank's pretty much either HoH or nominated every week, that's going to smart. Dan loudly tells him as much, but Frank DRs that having Dan in the house another week is worse than missing a chance to get HoH week.
Danielle finally makes a correct guess with "spots," which means she submits to having paint thrown on her by the other players. Dan wins the round, scoring eight points in exchange for spending 24 hours in a "solitary dance party." Britney's getting more irritated at Dan for failing to throw this, fearing that Dan will win PoV and save himself, resulting in Britney herself being the replacement nominee. What Britney doesn't seem to get is that bothers her a lot more than it's going to bother Dan.
For the last round, Britney buzzes in quickly but doesn't actually know the word. Frank whispers to her "summer," at which point Ian has to tell him that he broke a rule, and is now eliminated from the competition. And with that lead and all those punishments racked up, too. That has to sting, especially for a man dressed in a carrot suit while smelling of green slime and chum with his HoH reign more than two weeks in the future. Everyone else stands there confused except for Dan, who has the second-highest number of points after Frank, and a shit-eating grin to go with it. Oh, and not for nothing, but Shane has still scored zero points.
After the ads, Frank goes and sits down, leaving Britney trying to steal the win from Dan. But again, she buzzes in before she knows the right answer. Jenn guesses "ticket" after the drawing continues, and Ian offers her the chance to be on slop for the rest of the summer, in exchange for eleven points. She can take it and win, or leave it and let Dan win. And she wins it! Looks like she had something to offer Frank after all. And now Dan has to spend one of his days on the block locked away from everyone else, losing 24 precious hours of political maneuvering. He's screwed. Right? Even Dan can't get out of this one, can he?
Jenn goes to Frank to accept his congratulations and gratitude, and cement their alliance. And Dan goes into the store room to cry. He DRs that he loves three things: his wife and family, coaching, and playing Big Brother. One of those is really sad. After that he recovers, then enters the Have-Not Room to kick off his "solitary dance party." Which is basically 24 hours locked in there with cheesy music and disco lights playing. He's taking this better than I would. The dance party aspect, I mean. I'm pretty sure getting to have 24 hours away from the other morons in the house would be a major reward at this point.
Later, Britney comes out of the DR with the shackles, and soon she and Danielle are reenacting their own female, mono-racial version of The Defiant Ones, complete with Britney dragging the somewhat larger Danielle across the floor. Later, Frank is called out of the hot tub, the breakfast table, and even bed in the middle of the night for his chum bath every time the alarm goes off. Which Brendon also had to do two years ago, so that's another step up in Britney's 2014 shackling experience as compared with her 2010 one.
The day, everyone bangs on the door of the Have-Not room to release Dan from his solitary dance party. He is (or at least acting) totally out of it, even borderline catatonic, but he eventually recovers and calls a house meeting. He makes an emotional speech for them, dressed all in black for what he calls his "Big Brother funeral." This turns out to be him basically eulogizing all of them, one by one, sounding totally sincere. Of course they eat it all up. Soon everyone is crying, not just Dan. Even Frank is offered a heartfelt apology later. But finally, when he gets to Danielle, he says he thought she was like him, but he was wrong to trust her. In front of everyone, he tells Danielle that she's dead to him, and she knows what she did and he doesn't want to talk about it. As Dan makes this his exit line, Danielle is sitting there now crying and shocked, completely gobsmacked. Danielle doesn't know what she did, but I do: she had the misfortune to be nominated opposite Dan. That is some cold, cold, evil shit, Dan. But it's a little obvious. Is that going to fool even these idiots?
Well, no, as it turns out. But it's not really intended to, as we'll see later. After the ads, Danielle is left sitting there with her jaw on the floor. Shane, Britney, Ian, and Jenn gather around her sympathetically, and are right onto what they think is Dan's craven, blatant attempt to save himself by trying to turn the house against Danielle. Well, except stupid Joe, who thinks Dan must have heard something, but Britney reminds them all that Dan went straight into solitary after the PoV so that's impossible.
Dan goes up to HoH to talk to Frank, to execute what he DRs is step two of his master plan (step one having being his funeral): "Go to Frank and blow up the Quack Pack." Okay, that will probably work, actually. He sits with Frank and Frank's carrot costume and does just that, telling Frank that all this time Frank was blaming Dan alone for Mike's demise last week, there was actually a five-person alliance that took him out. Frank is all, "I knew it!" (he didn't) and decides Ian needs to go . But Dan advises him that Britney's a more dangerous player, and Ian's in her pocket. And thus is a new alliance with Dan and Frank born. Dan says everyone's going to be pissed at him for what he just pulled with Danielle, Jenn in particular. So Frank offers to smooth things over with her, and advise her to use her PoV on Dan. Frank figures now he can boot Britney instead, isolating both Ian and Shane, creating a four-way alliance of Dan, Danielle, Frank, and Jenn. The ridiculous thing about all this is that Dan doesn't even know that Frank and Jenn just became allies, and yet his whole plan hinges on that very fact. The expression "Hail Mary play" may need to be renamed in honor of Dan. Call it a "Hail Mary Dan."
Dan pulls Danielle into the arcade room and tells her it was all an act, and he thinks he saved them both. She's not as grateful as he expected her to be, smacking him with a pillow and saying he broke her heart and that she would have gone home for him. "Can you at least give me a forewarning time?" she says, with tears still on her face. "No, because then you wouldn't cry," he says, like this is the most obvious thing in the world. Confession: I actually thought the same thing. "You are one sick person, Dan," she accuses, somehow both disgusted and impressed time. Dan explains the move to Danielle: Frank convinces Jenn to use the veto on Dan, and then Britney goes up against Danielle, whose "sympathy meter is through the roof. Nobody's gonna touch you now." Shit, this is going to work, isn't it? I'll miss Britney, but man, I should never have underestimated Dan.
Up in HoH, Frank tells Jenn about the Quack Pack, who is completely convinced by Dan's story as told by Frank. At least until Frank tells her she's going to need to use the Veto, which she knows is going to make her enemies. But they shake on it, so it looks like a done deal.
Ian and Jenn incongruously contemplate the memory wall together with their Vetos. Ian DRs that he's not going to use the Veto, in hopes of rebuilding trust with Frank. Good luck with that after what Dan told him.
As for Jenn, she says she wasn't going to use her PoV 24 hours ago, but things change fast. "I may have a future... selling ice to Eskimos if I can pull this off," Dan DRs. And Frank DRs that Britney's got too many ins with too many people, so he, Frank, is down with Dan. Jenn starts the veto meeting, and Ian announces that he's not using his PoV. After Ian sits down, Jenn says she's using her veto on Dan. Britney and Ian look stunned, Danielle looks guilty, and Shane just looks blank. But that's not really unusual. Frank slowly stands and says he can't put Ian up while he's holding a PoV, so he's putting up Ian's closest ally. And there goes Britney to the other nomination chair, looking even smaller than usual, like the floor just fell out from under her.
She cries in the DR, sobbing she doesn't think she has any fight left in her left. Ian vows that he's coming after Frank now, and Jenn gloats that his is what you get for underestimating her. No, Jenn, this is what we get for underestimating Dan. There is no punishment for underestimating Jenn for the same reason there is no punishment for time travel. Dan gloats even harder on how his plan worked. Even he can't believe it. Which is my one consolation. Okay, that and the vindication of my long-held opinion that Dan is the best Big Brother player ever. Suck it, Dr. Will.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.