The Candy Man Can

S14E18

Hey, y'all. I'm subbing in for the rest of this week's episodes. I have to admit that despite having watched every season of Big Brother (yes, even the first one) (and I used to watch the live feeds) (I was watching when Justin held the knife to Krista's neck), I actually and finally gave up on the show when Janelle got voted out this season. I just realized that I didn't care enough about anyone who was left to keep watching, and it all seemed really boring. But then M. Giant needed a sub and just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in. So I may not be fully up on every detail of the past few weeks, but I'll try to catch up (JK like anything happened in the last few weeks).

So the Silent Six is no more, and the Quack Pack (really? Although it makes as much sense as other alliance names of past seasons) is in power. Once Ian discovered that Frank and Boogie were coming after either Britney or Shane, he spilled the beans and Britney announced that they needed to get rid of Frank and Boogie. Shane was nervous because a mysterious box had appeared, but he got over it and nominated Frank and Boogie anyway. It must be SO hard for the producers to not just randomly fuck with the hamsters, right? Like I would be randomly changing things around so they would have all-night conversations about what it MEANS and what TWIST is coming up, and then have it turn out to be nothing.

What was up with Shane's nomination speech? It made no sense. He is as dumb as a box of hair, isn't he? I'm still so disappointed that Frank hitched his wagon to Boogie of all people. I wanted nothing more than for Boogie to get voted out the first week he was eligible. He is the WORST. And not in a fun "love to hate him" way. In a "gives me douchechills" way. Anyway, Boogie DRs that Shane will be in big trouble for breaking up the Silent Six. You keep thinking that, Boogie. You might want to work on creating a new alliance in case Frank leaves, since I don't think anyone else in the house is on your side anymore.

Frank and Boogie have a conversation about who's behind their nomination. Even they know that Shane couldn't have come up with that on his own. They think it's Britney and/or Dan, and they're pissed that they didn't backdoor Dan when they had the chance. Boogie vows to "blow the whole thing up." What is he going to blow up? Who in the house doesn't know what's going on? Jenn? Joe? Like they matter. Are they really going to be shocked and stunned to find out that there are alliances in the house? Maybe. Will it affect the final vote? Probably not. Although it might make something interesting happen for once, so I guess I'm for it.

By Kim

Frank and Boogie head up to the HOH room to talk to Shane about the reasons behind his nominations. Oh, dear. Poor, dumb Shane. Why would they leave him alone to have this conversation? First, he claims that he heard that Boogie and Frank were going to nominate him and Dan if they won HOH. Boogie points out that Frank was HOH last week, so if that was their plan, they could have carried it out then. Shane then tries to claim he has advance knowledge of what the mystery box means, and then says that Joe was the one who gave him the intel on what Frank and Boogie were planning. Oh, this is awkward. He's just randomly spouting words and he's the WORST liar.

Frank and Boogie stay calm and try to get Shane to admit that he was influenced by Dan and Britney. For some reason, Shane won't throw Dan under the bus, and he tries to keep Britney's name out of it too, but when Boogie presses him, he caves. Oh, Shane. Here's what you say: "Boogie and Frank, you guys are scary. You scare me. Boogie, you've won this game before, and Frank, you've nearly been voted out multiple times and come back from the brink. I nominated you because I'm scared of you, and I had to blindside you because if you had even an inkling of what I was planning, you'd have found a way out of it. This nomination was out of respect for your gameplay and nothing else." There! Flatter them! That's a reasonable explanation and it has the ring of truth! Britney, why didn't you coach Shane on what to say?

Shane admits now that Britney was the one who put the nomination plan in his head, and says that Dan had nothing to do with it. Boogie says that they can all still be friends as long as Shane works with them to make this situation right. Shane also admits that he has no social game and his whole strategy hinges on winning competitions. What a dorkasaurus.

Shane quickly brings Britney up to HOH and tells her that he just threw her under an oncoming train called the Frank and Boogie Express. Shane isn't even smart enough to soften the blow that much -- he admits that he told them Dan had nothing to do with it, and it was all Britney. She tears up and says that she's hurt that Shane has just made her a huge target because she was just trying to help Shane, since Frank and Boogie really were planning to take him out. That's another tactic Shane couldn't have taken with them: take the offense and demand to know why they were targeting him, and if not him, then who? Britney DRs that Shane is a dum dum and now her game is screwed.

By Kim

So Britney runs down to talk to Frank and Boogie. This is getting kind of good, right? Boogie gets even grosser than usual and starts calling Britney sweetheart and honey and I just want to punch his stupid face. Britney has more restraint than me because she tells them that multiple people that she trusts told her that Boogie and Frank were going to target her and Shane if they won, and she shared that with Shane, who INDEPENDENTLY made his nominations. Frank isn't buying that Britney wasn't pulling the strings, and Britney points out that if Shane wins the money, she doesn't get any, so why would she prop him up. That argument doesn't make much sense but Britney is grasping at straws.

Shane joins them. Why? Stay out of it, Shane. Britney tells him basically that, and Shane leaves. Heh. Boogie just wants to call it a day and go to war with Britney. Frank seems a little more open to talking about it, but wants Britney to reveal her source. Notice that he's not saying that they never planned to nominate Britney or Shane. That's pretty telling. I don't know why Britney doesn't press that point. Frank is pretty sure it's Dan, but Britney won't confirm it. Because it was totally Ian.

Another meeting between Britney and Shane. She lays the guilt trip on him for throwing her under the bus. Shane claims he didn't (he totally did) and wonders what he could have done differently. Britney suggests that he could have taken responsibility for his nominations himself, like a big boy, but Shane says that he's already a big target and that would make it worse, and he couldn't deflect to anyone else without revealing their secret alliance. I still think my flattery strategy would work. Plus, they have the numbers with their secret alliance, right? So why does Shane give a shit if Boogie and Frank target him? Grow a pair, dude. Shane says that he still has Britney's best intentions at heart, and he hopes he can prove that to her. Britney DRs that she's got to learn to control Shane a little better. Word, girl.

Ian joins Frank and Boogie, and they claim that Dan was the mastermind behind the nominations. Ian pretends to be shocked to hear all of this, since he was the actual mole. I don't love everything about Ian, but I will love it if he is the architect of Boogie's eviction.

Boogie and Dan have a conversation about what happened. Boogie DRs that his alliance is gone and he's pretty sure that Dan is the one that turned on him. Boogie tells Dan that they could have taken out anyone last week, and they took out Wil, who was a non-entity. Dan DRs that he doesn't want to say too much for fear of outing Ian as the mole. His only defense to Boogie is that if he was going to make a big move, he'd be upfront about it. Boogie wants to have this conversation in front of Britney, and he wants Frank to be there too. Let's just hope that Shane lets Dan and Britney do the talking.

They all meet up in HOH and Boogie claims he wants to have an open conversation. Boogie says that he just wants to know where this story originated. Britney says she doesn't want to betray the confidence of her source, like she's a journalist all of a sudden. Frank wants to hear about it from Dan, who wants to know exactly what this "source" allegedly said. Nice deflection, Dan, but Boogie's not falling for it. Britney finally takes the offensive and asks if Boogie really did plan to nominate her or Dan, and Boogie says he'd have to eventually. Britney DRs that Boogie's must have had his "head stuck in his Chilltown T-shirt" because if he'd think about it for a minute, he'd remember saying it to Ian. That is so true. And it happened when Frank wasn't around, so Frank honestly doesn't know.

Frank wants Dan to at least admit that he threw their names out there, and Dan just stays silent. Boogie thinks that speaks volumes, but finally Dan swears on his wife that he's not the source. Frank and Boogie aren't convinced, and the two of them with Shane leave the room.

So now Dan and Britney have a chat. Dan asks if he's supposed to take the heat on this one, and adds that he doesn't know how much longer he can protect Ian. Britney understands, but adds that he's given them so much good information that she hates to lose him as a mole. Dan wonders if they even need this information anymore, since either Boogie or Frank is leaving this week. Dan finally says that he'll take the heat for the group as long as he knows Ian appreciates it, but if Ian doesn't, Dan will "throw him to the wolves." Well, at least Dan isn't being overly dramatic about it in his dorky headband.

Veto Competition! At last something other than conversations about who said what when. Shane will play with Jenn (who still seems pretty gimpy from the HOH competition). Boogie chooses "Houseguest Choice" and picks Ian. Frank also gets "Houseguest Choice" and chooses Ashley. Really? Her? Boogie is psyched that Dan won't be playing.

The hamsters walk into the backyard to find a Candy Land set up. There are stations where one might find, for example, a small heart filled with what's labeled as one pound of taffy, and then a giant heart filled with much more taffy. So the hamsters are going to have to guess how much is in the giant version. Danielle explains the rules, and she is obviously very confused. Is it possible that she's dumber than Shane? Anyway, in each round, each contestant writes down a number. Then everyone reveals his or her guess. At that point, each contestant gets to decide to fold or stay. If they fold, they move on to the round with no points. If they stay, and are closest to the actual number, they get a point. If they stay, and are furthest from the actual number, they are eliminated. First to three points (or presumably, last one standing) wins.

In the first round, they have to guess how many marshmallow chicks are in a mural. Boogie's estimation strategy makes sense. Ashley's involves thinking about pictures in pictures and man, I'm remembering why I stopped watching this season because I don't enjoy watching dumb people. Jenn is even further off than Ashley. WTF, people? Anyway, Frank, Boogie, and Shane are the only one who stay. Frank wins a point, and Boogie is eliminated. HA HA!!! Dummy.

round involves lollipops in a topiary tree. Frank, Shane, and Jenn stay in this time. Ian folds again. He is doing a terrible job of throwing this. Although I guess letting Frank win is as good as folding, right? He doesn't have to be eliminated. Jenn gets eliminated. So now Frank is in the lead with two points.

The third round involves counting candy hearts. This one is a little harder to estimate than the first two, and the answers are all over the place. Shane and Ian are the only ones that stay. Shane gets the point and Ian folds. Ian does a TERRIBLE job of acting disappointed and yet Boogie is fooled.

The fourth round involves strips of candy dots. Now I want some of those. Frank folds, and Shane and Ashley stay. Somehow Ashley wins and Shane is eliminated. If Frank had stayed in, he would've won. Oops.

Now it's down to Frank and Ashley, and they have to count gumballs. They still get to stay or fold which makes no sense with only two people, right? Frank stays, Ashley folds, and Frank automatically wins. The only thing that makes it sting less was that Frank would have won regardless. So Frank wins Veto.

Boogie explains that he has a three-step plan. First step was Frank winning veto. Second is rallying the floaters and getting them to convince Shane to nominate Dan, and then step three is getting him voted out. Frank and Boogie meet with Joe, Jenn, and Ian. They encourage them to persuade Shane to nominate Dan. Jenn is like, "Wow, they're totally right! Dan is the Devil!" Look, Dan is dangerous. But so is Boogie! Get him out!

Boogie and Britney meet in HOH. Boogie apologizes to Britney for dressing her down, and then says that he wants Dan out of the game not out of vengeance, but because he ruined their alliance. Little does he know that Britney knows that Dan did no such thing. Then Boogie starts pretending to get choked up over having to go home and lose out on an awesome friendship. Luckily, Britney is not buying it one bit. Awesome.

Dumb Jenn meets with Dumb Shane and has a dumb conversation. Jenn wants to know what Shane's thinking and adds that Dan is a slick player and dangerous to have in the game. I think Jenn also claims that taking out big targets will make Shane safer. How, exactly? Wouldn't Shane want to keep the big targets around to deflect votes from himself?

By Kim

Boogie wants to get Dan out, and he wants to be responsible for it. So he goes to talk to Shane. Boogie says that Dan is a scary person to keep in the game, and reminds Shane that last time Dan played, he made an alliance and got them to do his dirty work. Meanwhile, Britney and Danielle are worried that Shane will fall prey to Boogie's machinations. They're right to be worried. Boogie is playing every card he has -- we could be bros, we're from the same part of the country, we could run this game.

Time for the Veto Meeting! Frank takes himself off. Now Shane has to announce his nomination. He says it's not personal, and then nominates useless Jenn. Good! That was totally worth it just for the look on Boogie's face. He is STUNNED. Dan walks up to wish Boogie luck and he snaps, "SAVE IT." HA ha HAAAAAAAA! That was fucking great. Jenn swears she's going to start playing this game any minute now, for sure. Boogie thinks he has Frank and Ian on his side so he just needs two more votes. Ian is glad Boogie won't be near him when he finds out that Ian was the architect of his demise.

Oh my God, I can't wait until Boogie gets voted out. I might throw a party. What a great episode to have for my return to this season.