HoH Britney made herself a couple of enemies by nominating Brendon and Enzo. Matt again uses the word "orchestrated" in the DR (drink!), and Britney says that Brendon's her target, while Brendon vows in the DR that Britney will regret stabbing him in the back. And Brendon puts his plan in action by going into the Have-Not Dump, putting on his sleep mask, and communing with the spirit of Rachel as though she's dead everywhere and not just in her soul. Enzo comes in to commiserate, and Brendon is only too happy to complain about the "lying whore" and how she went back in the deal she made with him. Did anybody else know about that deal before? Well, they will now.
Enzo visits Britney in the HoH room to get assurances that he's not going home. Enzo's not impressed, because he knows Britney already lied to Brendon. And if you can't trust Britney's promises to Brendon, what can you trust?
Lane and Hayden conspire to backdoor Matt, figuring that he's in danger of winning it all. They keep referring to it as a "power move," I guess because that's a snappier expression than "scared sneaky fickle hypocrites move."
Lane is the one who brings Britney the idea of ditching Matt, although he prefaces it with such a long, warning, condescending speech that she's already annoyed before he even gets to his point. And she's not impressed with the idea of getting rid of Matt, which Lane tries to sell on the argument that Brendon can get booted at any time. Britney points out that she feels safer with Matt than with Brendon, so that's not going to fly. In fact, she expresses annoyance in the DR about how people are already talking about backdooring people even before the Veto competition, instead of being behind her in her determination to get rid of Brendon like they're supposed to be. I think the Brigade has underestimated how invested Britney is in getting Brendon out of here. It's not like she can keep letting him walk around the house indefinitely with her dick broken off in his ass. Wow, that was crude, even for me.
The PoV selection starts off with drama, with Britney drawing houseguests' choice and choosing Matt over Lane. Brendon draws Lane's name, and Enzo picks Hayden, so the whole Brigade is in there, with only Ragan sitting it out. Presumably he gets to host by default.
The backyard has a zoo vibe, and each of the players has to step into an individual cage (with not enough bars to actually hold them, alas). As Ragan explains, they all start out with 50 points. Ragan's job is to make them offers, and the first one to buzz in gets each one. And these offers are either punishments that raise their point totals, or rewards that reduce it. Nobody will know who took which prizes (with Ragan hosting from inside so even he doesn't know). In the DR, Brendon's strategy is to take as much punishment as he can, while Hayden sneakily plans to score some prizes without anybody knowing. Always the team player, that guy.
The game starts. Brendon scores five points for submitting to hourly chum baths, which should make him even more popular around here. We don't see who wins the seven points for being handcuffed to another person for 24 hours, but it's not Matt. Lane unrepentantly grabs the phone call from home at a cost of six points. Enzo tries and fails to score 11 points in exchange for being a Have-Not for three weeks. A tonsorial question goes unresolved for now, but we know that Hayden isn't about to shave his head. Because that shag of his is so awesome. Wearing a penguin outfit for a week is good for ten points for Enzo. Hayden also grabs 11 points in exchange for a Hawaiian vacation, despite Britney casting warning glares at the partitions between her and the other players. Then there's a question about a Have-Not pass for the summer, and then Ragan tells them to write down the number of points they'd be willing to lose in exchange for $5,000. Hayden writes down 25, because "That's more money than I've made in the past two years!" And ladies? He's single! The final question is a 13-point bribe to give away all their clothes except for what they're currently wearing. In most cases, that's more of a reward than the players realize.
Then Ragan starts revealing the results. Brendon's doing the chum bath. And he's also doing the handcuff thing, and chooses Britney. She's pissed off, of course, and he hasn't even pulled her into the chum bath yet. Britney's mood continues to deteriorate as she sees that somebody took the call from home. Brendon also got the three weeks as a Have-Not, which he says is nothing "when I can spend the rest of my life with a half a million dollars." Planning to die young, is he? He also agreed to have his head shaved, which Ragan does on the spot. "Private Toolbag reporting for active duty," Matt snarks in the DR. Now we see why Brendon's been wearing a dorky hat in the DR while talking about this competition in the past tense. Finally someone besides Brendon gets a punishment, and Enzo dons the penguin suit. When Ragan reveals that someone took the Hawaiian vacation, even Matt is getting pissed. Matt, you know what they say about what it means when you've been at the poker table for two hours and you don't know who the patsy is -- it means you're the patsy.
At least nobody took the Have-Not pass, and when Britney sees that the five thousand-dollar prize was claimed, she complains to the DR, "Somebody got out really good in this competition and it wasn't me." I don't see Britney or Matt taking any punishments either, though, although it doesn't seem to be for lack of trying. As far as who donated their clothes to charity, it's Enzo. That's two high-score punishments, but it's not enough to keep Brendon from winning. Not that any point totals are revealed, because that would give everything away. Brendon gloats obnoxiously in the DR about staying another week, and Lane bright-sides that now they can get Matt out. And Britney's pissed off enough to be seriously considering everyone else as a replacement nominee.Britney goes into the HoH room to cry, and Ragan and Matt join her to commiserate. Meanwhile, down in the Have-Not Dump, we have a group that it might be to early to start calling the Brigade 2.0 (Enzo, Hayden, Lane, and Brendon), but I'm going to anyway. Enzo's pissed, because he lost the PoV and yet he's got no clothes except a penguin suit. Lane confesses that he took the phone call, and since Hayden doesn't confess to looting the till, Enzo assumes, "Matty made out. Matty won everything. The sneak that he is." Hayden actually closes his mouth for the first time ever. Lane offers to go up and spy on what's going on with Britney.
Lane joins the group in the HoH room, and Britney asks for the room so she can talk to Lane. She tells Lane why she's pissed, and he confesses to her that he got the phone call. Britney realizes that means Hayden won everything else, but Lane insists that Matt did. Britney believes him, and I supposed I can't get too worked up over people calling Matt a liar given how he's been telling everyone all summer that his wife has a rare bone disease. Lane assures Britney that she's safe week. "You're not [Brendon's] target, "he says with completely unwarranted confidence. I'd like to know who the hell is, then. Instead of asking Lane that, she rants at length about her position, and finally tells him, "You gotta understand why I'm pouty about it." "And you gotta understand that I'm Lane," he says, which she can't help smiling at. Lane assures us in the DR that he adores Britney, but he's not above manipulating her. "My loyalty is straight with the Brigade." Which version of it? Because clearly loyalty to the Brigade is worth a lot more than the loyalty of the Brigade, as Matt is proving glacially slow to learn.
Britney enters the HoH room to find the Pandora's Box door up and waiting for her. The first envelope provides few clues, and the video feed shows nothing but a big box with a question mark on it. The second envelope hints that she could receive advice from a houseguest from a season. "What if it's somebody horrible that I hated?" she wonders, but decides to open the box anyway. She enters the vault and approaches a big box full of confetti. And out bursts --OH MY GOD NOT FUCKING JESSIE AGAIN JUST KILL ME AND WHY HAS BRITNEY STOPPED SCREAMING AFTER HER ORIGINAL YELP OF STARTLEMENT? I'M STILL SCREAMING AND I'M NOT EVEN THERE!!!! Okay, I'm going to pause and calm down.
All right, I'm back and --GOD! NOT JESSIE AGAIN! Sorry, hold on...
Seriously, I'm back now. He poses for her, calling himself "Mr. Pectacular," jumps to the floor, and rips off his tank top. Britney looks more horrified than impressed, which does more to get me on her side than anything she's done all season. "We have an hour," he lectures her, "and I'm going to tell you all the secrets that you need to know... to look like me." Not exactly what Britney was hoping for. "What is the rest of the house getting?" she demands.
Right on cue, the other houseguests are released out into the backyard to enjoy a Hawaiian luau, complete with hula babes. Even for the Have-Nots. Upstairs, Britney tells Jessie diplomatically, "I don't know how I feel about this." Jessie tells her what she's going to feel: "The burn, Toots." She's totally distracted by the video from outside, even as Jessie desperately tries to direct her gaze to his freakish arms. He basically drags her through a workout, and dismisses her after what I'm sure is the longest hour of her life. "Oh my God, kill me," she mutters on her way out of the HoH room. Of course the luau's over by the time she exits. She tells them all about her hour in Hell, which they find hilarious.
Britney and Brendon are called to the Diary Room to put on their "love cuffs." And they're still cuffed together when Brendon has to go across the backyard and fully dunk himself in a tub of green slime every hour. This goes on all night, and of course Britney has to get up with him every time. The morning in the Diary Room, they look as exhausted as new parents. When everyone else gets up, Ragan frees Brendon from the chum, and both of them from the "love cuffs." Britney literally cannot get away from him fast enough.
Britney talks to Matt about her predicament. Someone has to go home and she doesn't wan to put up Lane, she doesn't want to punish Ragan for not even getting to play, and something about Matt and Hayden comes out through a mouthful of cereal. Matt basically throws Ragan under the bus, because he still thinks the Brigade is on his side.
Matt goes to Lane to talk to ask him to sell Britney the idea of booting Britney. While Lane does that, Matt goes out to talk to Hayden and Enzo about the "plan," totally unaware that the only one on board with Matt's plan is Matt himself.
"Matt's been on my ass all day," Lane reports to Britney, and he does mention Matt's wish for Ragan to go up, although it's in an annoyed way. Britney tells Lane, "I'm trusting you," and he "jokes," "That's not good." She's not amused, and threatens, "If you are really in an alliance with somebody else and you're just playing me for a fool, and I see that, I'm gonna kill you." Lane points out that he's too dumb to pull that off. He's not dumb enough to try to deny it, though.
Hayden makes his pitch to Britney to put up Matt, and Enzo does the same, commenting ruefully about Matt's lack of loyalty. Which is pretty rich coming from Enzo. He and Britney exchange promises to keep each other safe. At least make him take those sunglasses off, Britney.Britney has realized that Matt will do anything and betray anyone, and goes out to talk to Ragan about it. Her opening is, "No matter what happens, you and I are good," which is not the kind of thing you want people saying to you in this house. Ragan's like, what? After hearing that Matt is likely doomed, Ragan is sure he'll be out the door right after Matt, because he still thinks Matt is looking out for him. Britney informs him otherwise.
Pre-veto ceremony, Matt DRs that he "tried to be subtle" about getting Ragan on the block to save the Brigade and himself. There's not one word of that sentence where he succeeded. Britney DRs that everyone wants Matt out except Ragan, and yet that's who Matt threw under the bus. While waiting for Brendon's Veto outside, Ragan and Britney mouth noiselessly to each other about just that.
Brendon convenes the Veto meeting, and obviously uses it on himself, fortunately with a minimum of obnoxiousness. Britney stands to name her replacement nominee, and after giving Brendon his props for earning it (starting the damage control early, I see), she puts Matt up as the replacement nominee. Matt goes and sits to Enzo, his creepy hood-shrouded nominee-face in full effect. Looks like someone could use another Diamond Power of Veto.
Britney DRs that she nominated Matt because she can't trust him. Stupid Matt actually still thinks the Brigade scrambled to save him, but it didn't work. They just don't make diabolical supergeniuses like they used to. Enzo dismisses Matt in the DR, which stings, but probably not as much as Ragan's pronouncement that he's okay with seeing Matt nominated again: "Matt, I would have fallen on my sword for you, but you ended up stabbing me in the back." Well yes, but Matt did it out of loyalty to the Brigade! And in return the Brigade will now...oooohhh.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on