Flashback to Matt hijacking the eviction ceremony on Thursday with his Diamond Power of Veto, and Brendon Diary Rooms about the nerve of Matt, calling him a big dummy. "You know that I'm way more intelligent than that -- way more intelligent than you," he corrects himself. Yes, we just saw that. And Hayden DRs that since they'd just told Matt he was going home, "We're screwed!"
Flashback to two hours before the eviction, with Hayden and Enzo guiltily telling Matt that they're not voting Lane out. Matt DRs that he found out he wasn't as important to the Brigade as he thought, and he jokes to the two of them that he's outing the Brigade. Seriously, though, he takes it pretty well, as anyone would with the secret veto power that he has.
After Matt's announcement, Brendon is pissed, and after seeing his best friend save himself in the eleventh hour and fifty-ninth minute, Ragan excitedly DRs that he's a "bipolar hot tranny mess."
After a replay of the announcement of Kathy's eviction, we get to see a farewell message to her after all. It's from Lane, who didn't even know she was there half the time, "But thank you for doing my laundry." Aw...?
Flashback to Britney winning HoH, which makes both her and Lane happy. Enzo's worried about himself, given how close Britney is to other people in the house. In fact, even Brendon is confident that Britney's going to stick to the deal they made. Because Brendon is a moron.
Afterward, Enzo angrily beats himself up for blowing the HoH competition (which doesn't usually bother him), and wonders to Lane who Britney is going to put up to Brendon. Specifically, he worries that it'll be Enzo himself. After the competition, Britney quietly asks an equally jubilant Ragan, "Can we compose ourselves to even be civil [to Brendon]?" Funny, that's not a question Rachel ever asked. Lane kids Matt, wondering if he felt bad, and he and Hayden both pretend to have been so happy that he's still there. Matt doesn't buy it. He wouldn't buy it even if he had a coupon.
Britney's HoH room, and Matt stares creepily at a teenage photo of Britney in a formal gown and tiara. The photo stares creepily back at him. Lane is offended at the sight of Britney's fiancé Nick, who does not appear to live up to the hype, at least in the one photo of him.
Enzo goes to suck up to Matt, who assures him that he'd keep Enzo over Ragan, but in the DR, Matt tells us that isn't necessarily the case. Yes, we get it.
The night of the eviction, Britney, Ragan, and Matt marvel over their good fortune, but Britney doesn't know what she's going to do. "We don't have our pawn," Britney says, because it goes without saying that Brendon's the target for the week yet again. Matt reminds Britney that Enzo's never been nominated: "He needs a taste." Britney seems open to it.
Lane decides to show off to the other Brigade members by bench-pressing all the weights in the house. "I turn straight-up gorilla," he says in the DR, stomping around so the DR camera has to look up at him and catch the light grid in the background overhead. Lane succeeds and revels in his nickname, "the Beast." Now I'm starting to remember why endurance-based HoH competitions that spill over into Sunday's episodes aren't necessarily a bad thing.
Lane, Britney, and Matt are in the Have-Not Dump with the lights out, and Matt tells them about a dream he had about shirtless Hayden hanging out with his parents, as if there's any other kind of Hayden. Britney had a similar dream, and Lane says that in Texas, you don't tell people when you have dreams like that. Which means Lane has had lots of dreams like that.
Brendon visits Britney to ask if she's gong to go back on their deal. Britney makes no promises, but Brendon says he'll win HoH week. Uh, yeah, if you survive this week. There's a limited number of PoV and HoH competitions you can win, dude. He also tells her that Matt and Ragan were both pushing him to send her home last week. "You think they're going to keep you for final three?" Brendon asks her. Britney DRs that it would piss her off if that were true, but she doesn't believe anything Brendon says. Unfortunately he's not being entirely untruthful. He tells her to do what's best for her, "but I'm gonna have a hard time forgetting that when I do go to the jury house." Sure, Brendon, but you and Rachel are going to have to vote for someone.
Britney comes out into the living room in a slutty-cowgirl outfit, I guess because the producers were worried the HoH power might go to her head and needed to put the one remaining woman in the house back in her place. This has to do with the Have/Have-Not competition for the week. Brendon, Enzo, and Hayden form the "lawmen" team while Matt, Ragan, and Lane are the "outlaws." The backyard's been turned into the set of a spaghetti Western. They sit down at a fake outdoor saloon, where one member of each team will be drinking gross shots, one turn at a time. If the other team guesses which one of them got the bad shot (because the other two team members will be getting a perfectly good shot), the other team gets a point. Team with most points at the end is the Haves. Ragan DRS that he can't be a Have-Not again, after 24 days of it. Really? That must suck. "I am down to my birth weight!" he claims.
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The outlaws go first. They all act like they drank something bad, except that only one of them did. Matt's the one who got the real shot, and the lawmen get it right. The outlaws tie it up when their turn comes. When it comes their turn to drink again, Ragan fakes it so over the top, weeping like Stan Laurel, that the lawmen... totally buy it. And they're wrong. The lawmen all make the same face as each other when they drink the "Rodeo Rachel," and it's still tied. The Rodeo Rachel, by the way, contains liver, gizzards, and cupcakes. "That's definitely my girlfriend," Brendon DRs proudly, which explains a lot. Ragan overacts and fools the lawmen again. But in the last round, Ragan acts even more over-the-top, sobbing and wailing like he's been electrocuted, poisoned, and dumped simultaneously. The lawmen are done swallowing his act, but the hell of it is that he actually had the bad shot, so the Outlaws win. Then they all go inside and find that he Have-Nots have been awarded broccoli and bean dip in addition to slop. Nobody outside the house cares.
Up in the HoH room, Matt is making his case to Britney that she should nominate Enzo simply out of fairness. All Britney wants from him is a little help writing the speech.
A moth terrorizes the backyard, although from the reactions of the other houseguests, Lane thinks, as he later says in the DR, "Either there's guns shootin' at us or there's a dinosaur...It's not gonna land, turn into the Predator, pull your spine out of your back, clean you skull off, and put it on a Christmas tree." Enzo is laboring heroically to save himself, but Lane is laboring heroically to save this episode. But alas, there are some things even the Beast can't carry.
Lane, Enzo, and Hayden hang around the hot tub, and Enzo has decided that Matt's the enemy, for whatever reason he gives other than "I tipped my hand to him." The other two seem to be listening, but not participating.
Britney invites Enzo, Hayden, and Lane up to the HoH to check the mood of the house as far as who everyone wants out. Because she can't decide this for herself, I guess. Lane says Brendon, but he and Enzo agree that Matt's acting "fishy." Britney's not so sure about nominating Matt, so they suggest that she talk to Matt about it. Which she decides to do, but asks them to keep it quiet for now.
She must not have much faith in their discretion, because she goes right downstairs, wakes Matt up from a nap, and pulls him into the storage room to ask what he thinks. He thinks he doesn't want to be the pawn. "I wish that I could just go into the coma until after PoV," she says. Well, nobody made you be HoH, Sparky.
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Looks like nominations are happening that same day. Brendon says Britney better stick to their deal. "I will put her up week and I will send her home," he threatens. Yes, good luck with that. Matt doesn't want to go back on the block right after coming down. Enzo says he hopes she doesn't nominate him, "for Britney's sake." Because it's Britney that he's looking out for. Which might explain why he's always glancing off to the side in the DR. Who are you looking at, Enzo? There's no one else in there. While loading the key box, Britney narrates a standard speech about how this is a hard decision, because one person is still going to be here week and pissed off at her. Yeah, that's what happens.
Tiny little Britney wrestles the giant key box onto the dining room table to start the nomination ceremony. Safe this week are Hayden, Ragan, Lane, and Matt, which makes Brendon and Enzo the nominees. Britney tells Enzo that he's the only person who hasn't been on the block, and this isn't an attack, because she adores him. Then she turns to Brendon and accuses him of "coming after her" last week, which is just about the one thing she could have said to him that makes the least sense.
In fact, Brendon pouts in the DR about how Britney's word is no good any more. Matt's fine with either of the two nominees leaving. Britney assures us in the DR that even though everybody told her to nominate Matt, "I know exactly what I'm doing and we will see what happens after the Veto." Enzo vows to win the Veto, and "work my magic to get Matty up in the block. It's my game, you haven't heard the last of me," he boasts. Unfortunately the credits roll before we learn how this game can belong to anyone who hasn't won a single HoH or PoV competition or really accomplished anything but assembling a hapless, jump-the-gun alliance whose main characteristic at present is its wish to ditch its most competitive member.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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