TKO

S11E22

Julie looks up from the mortal struggle she's locked in with a brocade shower curtain long enough to welcome us to the show and remind us that Jeff has nominated Natalie and Kevin as pawns, only to put up his real target, Russell, as a replacement nominee. Russell's wearing his eviction-night suit in the living room, while Kevin and Natalie are wearing their old clique-wear for some reason. To remind us they were from different cliques but are now allies? I don't know.

We flash back to the Veto ceremony, after Jeff put up Russell in place of Kevin and invited, "Let the weirdness begin." But first we get to hear Kevin and Jeff narrate what's going on. Russell pouts in the nominee chair until long after the end of the meeting, and as we see him get up and wander off, he Diary Rooms, "He picked the wrong guy." Russell's first move of his grand retaliation is apparently to go pace around the swimming-pool room while Kevin and Natalie and Jordan talk about being in the final four with Jeff. Of course Jordan doesn't know that Natalie and Kevin are going after Jeff , but it can't matter all that much, because Natalie and Kevin never win anything, anyway. The two losers, who have nonetheless played Jeff perfectly, go and celebrate quietly in the stock room that they're both staying. Wait a minute, Natalie -- you're still nominated, and Russell's survived before. Cheer down.

Michele comes and finds Russell still apparently meditating, and they hug and he wishes her good luck like he's already gone. Michele cries, because as she says in the DR, this makes her feel vulnerable, even if she doesn't like Russell all that much. Russell, however, thinks she's crying over him, so he comes over all protective and mad at Jeff.

So he...goes and pouts in the backyard. After a while, Jeff heads out, saying he's going to "face the music." Jeff gets Russell to admit that it was a good play, even though Russell has been saying the opposite in the DR this whole time, and as the other houseguests drift outside to eavesdrop, the two of them start arguing about who had a deal with whom, until Russell flat-out threatens Jeff with violence if he ever shows up at the jury house. Jeff comes right back at him, saying he's willing to lose $500,000 right now "if you talk to me like that again." Russell makes another threat, and instead of getting to watch Jeff make good on his own warning, Natalie goes up to get Jordan out of the HoH to watch. Jordan wades right in protectively. It just gets even more schoolyard from there.

Later, Russell and Kevin play pool, and Russell has decided to try to swing Kevin over to his side, hoping to join his vote with Michele's. His argument is that if Jeff stays, nobody will be able to beat him. This argument might carry more weight with Kevin if it didn't require him to roll over on his one remaining alliance-mate, but Kevin's actually listening to it as it is. Russell says it might be his chance to win the game. Which he would still totally say even if it meant Russell left, right? Russell's really just looking out for Kevin. Thanks, Russell. Kevin owes you a solid.

morning, everyone's out in the backyard when Russell takes a shot at Jeff. He claims he only got the Coup d'Etat power because people felt sorry for him because of the fight Russell had with him. Remember, that same Coup d'Etat power that Jeff used to save Russell a couple of weeks ago? Russell sure got the raw end of that deal, didn't he? Jeff ignores Russell, and Jordan tells him not to say anything, and when Russell plays the "let your girlfriend fight your battles" card, she starts getting really pissed, and lets him goad her into charging up and chest-bumping him. Then Jeff gets into it (verbally, without getting up), and there's more yelling and mocking, with Russell calling Jordan fat and telling the others that Jeff is going to go after all of them as well. Eventually Jeff gets tired of it and goes inside, leaving Russell to yell at everyone else. Yes, Russell, you're really making everyone want to keep you around.

Ooh, I've been looking forward to this: jury house! Jessie hangs around by himself in his starry pink tights, tanning and posing and boasting. He gets a DVD of belated farewell messages, which we get to see him watch (screen display simulated). Jeff says he's sorry, but getting rid of Jessie was a smart move. Natalie says it'll be hard for her to continue without him, and Lydia, in her Captain Unitard outfit, calls him out on tattling on her to Natalie. Has Lydia succeeded in making Jessie really consider his action? "Nice unitard," he snorts. So that would be a no. Jessie admits that he's disappointed not to see Chima's reaction. Yeah, about that...

Lydia does indeed have an explosive reunion with Jessie when she comes in the house. "I am so freaking mad at you! Did you think we wouldn't compare notes, you jerkopotamus?" So why can't she stop smiling and hugging him? Then she starts play-boxing him so we know she really is mad despite her embarrassing crush on him. Finally they settle down and she offers to bring him up to speed. "No," Jessie says. Okay, that was awesome. Sorry. Too bad for him, she brought the DVD of Chima's misbehavior with the mic pack and getting booted, followed by Jordan's winning HoH and part of Lydia's subsequent meltdown. Jessie says Jeff seems to be the new boss and he might vote for him himself. Lydia and Jessie get ready to enjoy their week of one-on -one time together. Well that was disappointing. I don't think Jessie even thought about getting himself an ice pack once.

Back at the studio, Julie gets on the viewscreen to interview the houseguests. Russell is acting all fake-jovial, saying his obnoxious behavior all week is "just part of the game." Julie asks Jordan the same question, and she admits to having been mad. "When a guy tells you you're fat and to go eat cookie dough, that's it," she says. Oh, good, now I know not to do that. Julie asks Kevin how surprised he was to be taken off the block, and Kevin protects the "secret alliance," saying he's just hoping Jeff has a secret crush on him. Julie and Jordan talk about why she won't let Jeff kiss her, like this is third grade, and Jeff claims he gets rejected like this in the outside world as well. Wise of him to use the present tense; you never know what you're going to find when you come back out. Julie then turns to Michele, who says that as a Have-Not for the week, she liked the churros. We can always count on Michele for a game-changing remark, can't we? As if that weren't boring enough, Julie upstages her even further by saying there will be no Have-Nots for the rest of the season. Okay then. Tell me no Sunday or Tuesday episode, either, and we'll talk.

Time for Jeff's private HoH interview. Julie asks him why he made his move against Russell, and Jeff says he knew now was the right time, before Russell came after him. Jeff thinks it'll be a net positive, and he says he's not just relying on Kevin and Natalie, but also playing for the Veto. Good plan, that. Julie asks him about the bickering with Jordan earlier this week, and he plays it off as wanting to keep his partner focused. "I just want to make her a better person, that's all." Yikes, he should have stopped talking sooner.

As Jeff heads back down to the living room, Julie switches the channel to the living room to give Natalie and Russell a chance to speak. Natalie basically makes an Oscar acceptance speech, thanking her fellow houseguests in advance for keeping her in the house. Russell good-naturedly gets up and says he had a "phenomenal time" and tried a "different strategy," incorporating some of "the greats," like Evel Dick and Dr. Will and Mike Boogie. Can it be a coincidence that a "great" on Big Brother is synonymous with "asshole?" Russell claims personal attacks are part of the game, which should win them all over. Finally, he wishes them all good luck.

The voting begins. Jordan unsurprisingly votes to evict Russell. So does Kevin, and Michele makes it unanimous. But they'll all have to wait until after the ads to get the final word.

The only way I'll even consider watching The Good Wife is if Chris Noth has to get out of a different new scandal every week.

After we come back and Julie breaks the news, she's still in mid-speech about the three-zero vote when Russell starts getting up, but then she says Natalie's name just to fuck with him. He pauses, but Julie's telling Natalie she's safe, and Russell's leaving. That'll learn him to call Jordan fat. He goes for a classy (read: fake) exit, smiling and hugging everyone before finally wearing that suit of his out into the studio. While they set up for the exit Chenterview, the remaining four houseguests discuss the moment of truth, and Jordan reports that she is sweating. Sounds like a girl who's sensitive about her weight, all right.

Julie asks Russell what was up with his exit, and Russell repeats his statement that personal attacks were fair game and how he wanted to be a composite of past players. Although he says it was himself, with "some flair." That will work out well when he ends up waiting tables at TGI Fridays. Julie asks why he thinks Jeff blindsided him, and Russell thinks maybe Michele made a move, which is giving her too much credit. Even so, he's not mad at her, and blames himself for not doing what he needed to do. He maintains that he planned to uphold the final four deal with Jeff and then go to the final two with Michele. He concedes that Jeff was smart to take him out, and all he could do was try to piss him off and get him to say something that would get him in trouble with the other houseguests. Well, that worked for one of them..

Goodbye messages. Jeff is pretty harsh, calling Russell "unclassy." "The way you talk to women, your friends, if you have any, should be ashamed." Ouch. Kevin says he was scared of him at first, but appreciates how approachable he ended up being. Natalie says she has no hard feelings and thinks of him as a friend. Michele tells him not to take it personally how she curled up and died on him. Jordan is unforgiving, and Russell laughs at her as she says, "I've never been so disrespected before. I don't think you would like it of someone called your sister fat. I strongly, strongly dislike you with a passion." Russell just chuckles, and Julie tells him he can respond when she interviews him on The Early Show the morning. Can't wait to miss that.

HoH competition. Outgoing HoH Jeff is on the sidelines, while Jordan, Michele, Natalie and Kevin are each positioned at the end of one lane of a wide slip & slide, although Julie claims it's a giant graham cracker in a s'more-themed competition. It's pretty straightforward; they have to race back and forth across the slippery surface, carrying tiny mugs of hot chocolate to fill up a big round bowl until they can take out the marshmallow that's inside. After the race starts (and a lot of cursing, going by the way the audio keeps dropping out), Julie tells them their mugs hold eight ounces, while the bowl holds sixteen gallons. So now Jordan is going to be both balancing on a frictionless surface and trying to do math in her head. Julie tells them that adds up to a four-mile walk altogether, assuming no spills. And assuming the marshmallows don't dissolve before the end of the competition. But I'm sure the producers have thought of that already.

After the last ad break, Julie teases an HoH twist that's related to a secret door inside the house. And then we go back to watching the competition, where it's now raining what Julie tells them is chocolate. Whatever, it's only a sprinkle. I've seen more precipitation than that in my bathroom. But since nobody's more than ten percent done, it's looking like another Sunday winner. It's hard to tell who's in the lead, but it's looking good for Jordan and Kevin, with Natalie on the suck train as always. Maybe she should hope for an earthquake that only affects the other two lanes.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see how vlogger Sean Crespo thinks they should reinvigorate the franchise in No Prior Knowledge!

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.