Once again, we start with the Head of Household competition already in progress. As you recall, it consists of racing back and forth on a slippery graham cracker to fill a big round globe with hot chocolate so they can take a marshmallow out. In other words, it's a s'mores-themed competition created by an insane idiot with only the most rudimentary understanding of s'mores. Jeff's sitting this one out as the outgoing HoH, but he Diary-Rooms that he thinks he's safe no matter who wins, because he doesn't know that the promises that Kevin and Natalie mad to him in exchange for booting Russell are for shit. At the same time, Kevin, Natalie, and Michele all DR that they're motivated to win to keep themselves safe. As always, the editing of the challenge is much more cohesive three days after the fact than live, so now we can see that the mugs are not only small, they're deliberately leaky. We also get to see Kevin slip and fall on his ass from so many different angles.
After a flashback to Russell's oddly cheerful exit, Natalie gloats that Jeff did what she and Kevin wanted him to. Michele DRs says there's no one left who has her back, and Jeff gives Russell props for leaving "on a classy note." Kevin is glad he's gone, and Jordan calls him "the biggest butt I've ever met in my life." Jeff is satisfied, and Jordan is sweaty. Okay, I think we're all up to speed now.
Back to the competition. The chocolate rain has begun, which Jordan has trouble describing in the DR as making things "slipperier." Still, she's in the lead. Until, that is, she starts getting tired and begins repeatedly losing her balance. There's a whole montage of her falling, including one spectacular spill where she simultaneously throws her cup across the yard and mashes her boob. Kevin starts pulling ahead. Natalie displays some of those championship tae kwon do moves trying to save herself from falling. Eventually she realizes that Kevin's got enough of a lead that she can let this one slide. Or, as she puts it, not let the others know that she is a strong competitor. So far, that appears to be a fact she's kept hidden from the whole universe. She oversells the suckage a bit, even dropping her mug into her barrel. This impresses nobody. After a while longer, Kevin gets his bowl full, but his marshmallow is nowhere to be seen. It's supposed to be popping up through one of the little holes in the wooden grate atop the bowl, but it's not happening. Until he wiggles the bowl around and pulls it out with his teeth. Kevin's the HoH for the first time. He's thrilled, Jeff is waiting to see how it plays out, and Michele's very worried. I have to say, the last few episodes have been pretty predictable, but Kevin's HoH victory is something I never would have seen coming, if not for the show's ridiculous insistence on staging HoH competitions across two nights so you can get really easily spoiled regarding the results.After the competition, Natalie and Kevin quietly confer about who to send home , taking a discreet break as Michele walks through the room. They're looking to get rid of the person most likely to win the competition, as though these two weren't already safe enough. Kevin thinks Jeff is a triple threat, i.e. able to prevail at mental, physical, and endurance competitions, while Natalie thinks they're due for the kind of quiz-show competition Michele's good at, so maybe she's a better target. And what is this formidable adversary doing right now? Going into a room by herself to cry. And then she does it some more in the DR, talking about how alone she feels. Wow, if you can't find camaraderie in the Big Brother house, where can you find it? "It's just a game, it's just a game," she tells herself, still weeping. But I can see why she's upset. It's a game that consumes your entire summer, and you don't get that time back. Or maybe she's just having a breakdown over the thought of being stuck in a house with Jessie again.
Kevin shows off his HoH room, and everyone's a little surprised at how attractive his partner is. Kind of a backhanded compliment to Kevin there. Kevin reads a letter from him, unable to keep it together even though the message is pretty standard. Kevin DRs about what a highlight it was for him to get a letter from home. Just once I'd like to see someone read their letter and then go, "Meh."
In the backyard, Jordan talks about her family, and how they lost their house to foreclosure. Which apparently was the main thing that got the kids out of there. Jordan says she still plans to live with her mom indefinitely, which Jeff appreciates because it shows what a good person Jordan is. And it's not like he's getting any from her anyway, so she might as well.
Natalie trims her nails in the red room with Jordan and somehow segues from how nice a spa day would be as a luxury reward to how much she hopes Kevin sticks to the plan because she wants Michele gone. Jordan voices her fears for herself, and Natalie snaps, "No." Jeff wanders in, and after Natalie DRs that she's going to get to keep her hands clean when Jeff goes home, she's summoned by Big Brother. Jordan whispers to Jeff what Natalie just told her, and how she thinks it means Jeff might get backdoored. Jeff insists he has a deal with Kevin. "I could be wrong, you know me," she chirps, playing with his hair. Jeff looks like he's thinking she might just have picked a hell of a time to be right about something.
1 2 3 4
After the ads, Jeff and Jordan argue about whether a fruit is a peach or a nectarine. She loses, but refuses to go get Jeff a lemon. Jeff wonders how he always ends up being the bad guy, She'd probably bring him back a coconut anyway.
Natalie gets buzzed by a dragonfly and freaks out. And then it happens again. Her fellow houseguests are entertained. You could stick me in a time machine and dump me absolutely anywhen, but this many scenes in a row that are this pointless on Big Brother will always tell me it's a Sunday.
Kevin talks to Michele in the kitchen, wondering what she thinks he should do. He claims he's trying to take the temperature of the house. Michele doesn't make much of a case for herself, but she's still trying to activate her paltry finessing skills when Natalie comes along and says it's two against three -- Kevin and Natalie against Michele, Jeff, and Jordan. Natalie advises Kevin to nominate Michele, in front of everyone. And she adds that Michele can't be trusted, in a matter-of-fact tone while reminding everyone that it's really not up to her. She DRs that it was strategic, to convince Jeff that he's safe. She doesn't add that it's not like taking a shot at Michele is a dangerous move. We don't see anyone leaping to Michele's defense or anything.
Later, Michele sits at the counter alone crying while the other four talk about her in another room, with Kevin and Natalie as the instigators. Jeff and Jordan go right along with it, and Kevin realizes that Michele represents someone he can evict without getting in trouble with anyone. Which means Michele is fucked.
Kevin and Natalie fuck with Jeff and Jordan, getting him to talk about his perfect type, which Jordan fails to match in several ways. It's basically an excuse for the editors to play with "ding!" and "bzzzt!" sound effects. The latter outnumber the former, it should be noted, but Jeff DRs at the end that Jordan makes him happy, so the scene ends with a "ding!" All that's missing is the "dong!" No pun intended.
Kevin has a one-on-one with Michele in the HoH room, basically giving her a chance to save herself. As usual, she doesn't make the best case, saying that she's been true to her alliance with Jeff and Jordan, at least until she heard stuff that wasn't true. Oh, Michele, you're so bad at this game.
Kevin has a meeting with Jeff and Jordan just to warn them that whatever he does won't be personal. Jordan warns Kevin that he'll be Michele's main target week, like that's a scary place to be. The three of them seem to agree that Michele's going to go, but after Jordan leaves, Kevin says he's going to nominate Jeff and Michele. Jeff wants to know why Kevin wouldn't nominate Jordan instead. You know, like in the deal. Kevin says if he does that, he would have to put Natalie up on the block as well, and he doesn't want to put that on Jeff. He assures Jeff that it's for his own good. Jeff says Kevin had better keep his word, and Kevin is just stressed out about the whole thing. Because that's what Kevin does.
1 2 3 4
Nominations coming up. Natalie feels safe for the first time in a month, Michele admits that she expects to be nominated and booted, and Jordan is 95% sure that she'll go up. Which means Jordan is 95% safe. Jeff says he feels safe as long as Kevin keeps his word. As for Kevin himself, he says his decision is completely strategic, and says it was the only choice he had.
Kevin calls everyone in for the noms and brings in the big key box with only two keys sticking out of it. I do love it when the cast gets this small. Kevin pulls Natalie's key, and Natalie pulls Jordan's. That leaves only Jeff and Michele, whom Kevin tells that he nominated them for being strong competitors. He adjourns the meeting, apologizing to Jeff. What, no apology to Michele? He's going to make her cry again.
Kevin DRs that he had to go against the deal, he's very much hoping that Jeff won't win the Veto, because if he does, Kevin's screwed. Yeah, the only way I can see Kevin surviving week is if Natalie wins HoH, or the considerably more likely scenario of Jeff being abducted by aliens. Michele is the opposite of surprised and says she'll just have to save herself. Jordan says she feels bad for Jeff and doesn't want to see him go, because without him, she's basically a blonde Michele. Jeff DRs that Kevin went back on his word, and now it's up to him to win the Veto. And over the credits, Kevin discovers that mystery door in the HoH room that Julie mentioned on Thursday's episode, so we'll see what that's all about on Tuesday, I guess. But I think we can safely state right now that whatever it is will hurl Kevin into an agony of indecision.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
1 2 3 4