Julie looks just darling in a white cardigan over a black-and-white polka-dotted dress that makes her look like a giant toadstool. Oh, and it doesn't look like we're live this week, because who knows what's going to happen with the Coup d'Etat? Right now, the two nominees, Russell and Lydia, are sitting tensely in the nominee chairs, Russell blinking and Lydia pouting. I so want to play poker with them.
Flashback to Kevin not Vetoing Lydia in order to not make enemies and to make sure Russell goes home. Lydia does not see it that way, but Chima is happy to have her nominees still in place.
Lydia goes and hides under some blankets. Russell comes in and comforts her, then leaves her alone, telling us he's going to be lobbying to stay in the house. I think we'd all like to see what that would look like. So far, his main strategy has been to be nicer to Lydia than to anyone else, which is interesting because she's one of the few people who can't vote to keep him, and wouldn't if she could. Probably. Jessie also goes in to visit Lydia, and confesses that he's terrified of the "wizard power" hanging over all their head. He's lost before, you know. I'm surprised to hear him actually admit it.
Russell plays pool with Jeff, asking what he would do if he were the wizard. Jeff claims he doesn't even know what it is. Then there's a whole montage of speculation around the house, and Jeff enjoying his secret.
Natalie and Jessie, meanwhile, have narrowed it down to Jeff and Jordan, so their "strategy" is to go hang out in the backyard with them to get on their good side. This seems to involve Natalie playing badminton with Jeff (awful-minton, actually, because she can't seem to connect with the shuttlecock) [Isn't she supposed to be an athlete of some sort? Even I can play badminton. -- Angel], while Jessie marinates in the pool with Jordan. Neither Jeff nor Jordan is fooled, and it is awkward and uncomfortable. I suspect that every first meeting with a Big Brother or Big Sister is like this. Thanks for scaring people away from doing good, Jessie and Natalie.
Later, Russell repeats his case to Jessie that he can't stay there unless Russell's still in the house. But Jessie is still too pissed about Russell not picking him for the PoV competition this week. It's not happening, Russell. In the Diary Room, Russell spits nails about Jessie's failure to get over it. Unlike Russell, who's such a forgiving, easygoing guy.
Russell's move is with Michele, claiming that she could be his third vote to stay (he's counting Jeff and Jordan as the first two). Michele listens in that same polite but completely disengaged way she used to listen to Ronnie. Still, Jessie overhears from the room, and since he can't have Russell messing with other players while that wizard power is floating around in the house, he enters the room to remind them both that Russell was calling Michele crazy just a few days ago. Russell doesn't appreciate salting his game like this, obviously. So what's he going to do? Take this opportunity to prove that he can be a calm, reasonable fellow and turn the other cheek? Or get up in Jessie's face and swear at him for interfering? I think we all know the answer to that. The two muscleheads end up arguing and cursing at each other until Michele gets bored and walks out, leaving them to it. Good move, Michele. This was never about you anyway.
Up in the HoH, Chima is telling Jessie that she's hoping for a 6-0 vote to evict Russell. Yeah, good luck with that. She does voice a threat that if Jeff has the power and uses it, Chima plans to make him regret it. Good luck with that, too.
Viewscreen interview. With everyone gathered in the living room, Julie reminds them of the mystery power and asks who's nervous. Everyone but Kevin and the Nominees raise their hands, including Jeff. Keeping up the pretense to the end. Unless of course he got wind of Chima's threat, and is accordingly intimidated. When Julie asks about Kevin's failure to veto Lydia, they both claim that they're good, and they're over it. Well, that's disappointing. Julie congratulates them on reaching the halfway point, meaning that everyone still there will be either in the final two or in the jury house. I can't believe we're still going to have eight people in the house in mid-August. Julie asks Natalie what's the most surprising thing about the game. Natalie says the boredom, which Julie acts surprised about, like she sincerely thinks that the twenty minutes of ginned-up tension and arguing we see each week is enough to keep the other 167.67 hours of the week interesting. Julie asks Jeff a similar question, and Jeff's main accomplishment is not saying the word "mindfuck." Julie thanks him for his restraint, like even she has forgotten this isn't live.
Now we meet Chima's people at home, including her grandma, who tells us that the correct pronunciation of her name is with a hard "ch" like in "cheese," but Chima prefers the pronunciation we're used to, with a soft "ch" as in "chut up, Chima." We get to see a few clips of Chima acting like a big girly diva in the house, and also meet Chima's best friend Kimberly. Grandma watches one of the recent arguments between Chima and Russell, saying these kinds of fights "get you nowhere" and Chima needs to listen more. Both she and her grandmother seem rather disapproving of her behavior, which is awesome. You never get to see that. Even Kimberly thinks Chima needs to dial it back a bit. These segments are usually a waste of time, but I'm kind of in love with Chima's grandparents.
For the private HoH Chenterview, Julie doesn't waste time telling her that her grandparents think she sucks. She goes right into asking her what went wrong with her relationship with Russell. Chima says she found out about what Russell was saying to people about her, so it was inevitable. She also says she doesn't regret anything she said to him. Julie asks Chima how the mystery power has affected her strategy, and she basically says there's not anything she could do about it anyway. Which is true. Suck it, Chima! Love, Big Brother.
While Chima heads back down to the living room, Julie reminds us once again about the Coup d'Etat. Then she gets the houseguests back on the viewscreen to remind them yet again that there's a mystery power, and invites the holder of the power to stand up now if he or she wants to use it. Jeff stands up, to varying degrees of shock. There are a few groans of "I knew it!" but Jordan is even more slack-jawed than usual. He told you that you were going to be fine, Jordan. Julie explains to everyone what the power means, with the whole thing where Jeff gets to replace one or both of the current nominees right before the vote. Lydia and Russell's faces are slowly lighting up as they listen. Jessie looks like he's already lost, which of course he has.
Julie goes through the motions. She starts by asking Jeff if he'd like to take Lydia off the block. He would, and he does, which is more than Kevin ever did for her. He then names Natalie as her replacement. Jeff also accepts the invitation to take Russell off the block, and puts Jessie in his place. Jessie gets up, taking off his outer shirt to reveal a t-shirt with a photo of himself and a boastful slogan. Yes, we're all impressed, two-time loser. When Julie invites Jeff to say a few words to his new nominees, he tells them they've been running the house, and now it's their turn to feel the pain. Julie flatly informs Natalie and Jessie that one of them is going home. That's the sound of one of the season's partnerships breaking. Julie tells Chima that she isn't voting as the outgoing HoH, and neither is Jeff, since he used the Coup d'Etat. Natalie is the first to be given a chance to speak. She says that she has nothing bad to say about Jessie, but she's been loyal and true. Jessie says this was his worst-case scenario, and tells Jeff this is his best move so far. He should just stop talking now, but instead he babbles on, pathetically hoping for a tie, until Julie cuts him off to tell him that with Jeff and Chima both forced to abstain, there are only five voters tonight. The fact that she's also stopping him from wasting everyone's time is just gravy.
Time for the votes. Lydia goes first, and seems choked up as she votes to evict Natalie. Oh, her sad little crush on Jessie just got sadder. Jordan votes to evict Jessie. Kevin votes the same way. So does Michele, so he's done. That leaves Russell, who votes to evict Natalie, for all the good it does Jessie. He lies to Julie that she looks beautiful and struts back to the living room as though he wasn't blinking like an olde-tyme movie camera less than an hour ago.
Julie makes them wait through the ads before breaking the news that Jessie lost the vote 3-2.He hugs Natalie, Chima, and Lydia long and hard (they're probably the ones who will be packing his shit for him, after all), gives Kevin a stiff rebuff and Russell a soul hug, then stomps out, pausing only to sing something in falsetto and show off the t-shirt of himself some more. Inside, Lydia is crying, and Chima acts like she's on Dynasty or something. She thinks someone already knew about Jeff's power, and drawls that it "looks like me and the producers need to have a little bit of a talk." Jeff tries to justify himself, but Chima drowns him out by repeatedly saying, "It's okay, Lydia, it's okay Lydia, it's okay Lydia." Jeff gets the message. It's the Chimapocalypse!
Outside, Julie asks Jessie why he didn't suck up to Jeff more when he saw it coming. Jessie says it wouldn't have mattered, and maintains that it was Jeff's best possible move. Jessie acts like he's over it, pulling a muscle-pose as he reassures himself that he'll still be a "sports entertainer." Julie pulls the pose right back at him and sends him on his way to the jury house, without any farewell messages. Yeah, that would have given it away, I guess. [I kind of love that Jessie is aware of how much the viewing public hates him, and predicted that fans would have voted to give Jeff the power just to screw him over. -- AC]
And you know, I won't miss Jessie one whit (besides, they'll find a way to bring him back for BB12, I think we all know), but I find this oddly unsatisfying. I don't like it when Big Brother interferes with the game by throwing in wrinkles that other players have literally no defense against when it hurts the people I hate the least. So I can't be too thrilled when one of my least favorite players gets it in the nuts that way, too. I'd rather he had to suffer a straightforward eviction, within the standard rules of the game, if only so he doesn't get to go home thinking that he's too awesome to have lost if only events hadn't conspired against him. But he's gone, so I'll take it.
The HoH competition has a bus theme, for no reason at all. Two at a time, the houseguests will be going up against each other Family Feud-style to answer questions about competitions. Getting a question right keeps you in the game, whereas getting it wrong eliminates you. Kevin and Lydia were randomly drawn to play the first round. Kevin beats Lydia, then picks Jeff and Russell. Russell gets the question wrong, and Jeff puts Chima up against Natalie. Chima wins that one, and pits Jeff against Jordan. It's all about splitting up alliances here. Jeff beats Jordan, and picks Kevin and Chima to go against each other. Michele's like, don't mind me, I'm just the designated nonentity. Kevin beats Chima, leaving Michele and Jeff for the penultimate round, which Michele wins. That leaves her up against Kevin, and my mind is blown that one of them is going to get to be HoH. Never thought I'd see that day. It ends up being Michele. And the reign of what promises to be the most boring HoH reign ever gets launched with tepid hugs and a lot of awkward standing around. Whoo?
Double eviction week! Hot damn! That's just some of the end-of-episode housekeeping Julie takes care of before kicking us back into the house, including telling us about some kind of "mash-up" contest people get to participate in. I'd give you more details if I cared. As it is, I'm terrified that I'm going to have to end up recapping the winning entry.
And then we're back in the backyard, where they seem to still be standing around in a quiet circle, like it's a cocktail party where nobody knows anyone else. Or they're just waiting for the small woman to haul off and murder someone. Chima seems to be keeping it together, though -- at least for the thirty seconds or so. "If you don't want me to cuss, let me back into the house," she says to the unseen producers. Natalie tries to cut the tension by thanking whoever voted for her to stay. Kevin wonders why Jessie spurned him at his exit. It's not clear if he's also trying to cut the tension, or just making it about him. I guess we'll have to wait until Sunday to not find out.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.