So the title sequence for tonight's clip show has restored the names of all of the evicted houseguests, which is not something I want to be seeing this close to the finish line.
After a replay of Dan's eviction of Jerry, Memphis says in the DR that he's glad he isn't the one who had to do it. By the same token, Dan feels bad about having to evict someone who was this close to the big prize, but says that Jerry probably would have won if he'd made it to the final two. And the Renegades congratulate themselves, both together in the living room and separately in the DR. So how are they going to kill the five days?
Well, they start with a Big Brother-provided feast at the table for two, complete with champagne and beer. And they initiate the episode's utterly transparent framing device by talking about who the hardest player to get out was. They agree that it was Jerry, by any chronological measure at the very least. Memphis reminisces about Jerry accepting the invitation to grab April's boobs on Day 1, and the clip of that moment gets played, so it'll be nice and fresh in Mrs. Jerry's mind when he sees her again on Tuesday. They also talk about how hard Jerry worked to fit in with the young'uns, which triggers a Day-46 flashback of Jerry attempting to rap for Ollie, who jokingly suggests calling him "The Funkmaster Colonel." Jerry's rap is similar to his gameplay: it's annoying, it's incoherent, it's embarrassing, and it goes on long after it should have stopped.
Then Dan and Memphis remember Jerry calling Dan Judas and Memphis a womanizer, and we get to re-watch clips of both of those moments. Yeah, I've already weecapped them once. They also discuss the betrayal of Brian in the first week, when eight people pulled Jerry into the HoH room and leaned on Jerry to name Brian as a replacement nominee, and then he did so the day. This all comes complete with clips. What is this, Jerry's greatest hits? At least we don't have to sit through another session of Jerry boasting about how he doesn't wear any of his Marine Corps gear when he's fucking someone.
Back at the table, Dan and Memphis talk about how Brian's departure threw them for a loop, and we get a replay of the sock-puppet show that Brian instigated. There's a bit of footage shown this time that we didn't see before, but trust me: all the good parts were included the first time around.
Dan and Memphis ask each other who they thought would be the first to go, and Dan says he thought early on that Jessie would be leaving soon. So then there's a replay of the whole locked door debacle from the first night when Renny acted like a crazy person and disrupted Jessie's beauty sleep, which he spent the entire rest of his run trying to compensate for.
Memphis and Dan have commenced a memory-lane tour of the house, visiting the bedroom that April and Ollie shared. Dan warns Memphis not to touch the bedspread, but it's too late; we're already in a flashback to Day 14 and looking at April and Ollie crammed full-length against each other, talking about their relationship, and then there's the scene shown on the night of April's eviction, where they hung out in the pool and decided to live together. Alas, we do not also get the clip from April's Chenterview where she basically told Julie, "not so much."
Dan and Memphis have moved on to the room where Keesha and Renny had their home base. They talk about what a skilled mimic Renny was, and finally we get to a little more of the "unaired" footage Julie's been talking about this past week. On Day 20, Renny cracks up the room (and, okay, me) with a bleary-eyed impression of Libra. She also does Dan (waving her arms around while babbling), Jessie (doing a bodybuilder pose), Jerry (pretending to brush dentures in the sink), and April (flouncing around and cleaning everything like Monk with tits). So Dan raids Renny's wardrobe and gives some of it right back to her, which of course had her laughing harder than anyone. Back in the present, Dan also talks about his "mom away from mom" relationship with Renny and how he used to make fun of her whenever he had the chance. That triggers kind of a poor example of this, when Dan and Renny were arguing about what time it was in New Orleans and he was being fairly straightforward and reasonable with her while waiting patiently for her to come around. Really, Renny did that one to herself.
Dan also talks about his relationship with Keesha, which is illustrated by a hypothetical that he posited to her on Day 44: "To save Gizmo's (Keesha's dog) life, would you eat another dog?" Sadly, we never hear Keesha's answer. There's also a montage of Dan antagonizing Keesha like he was her little brother, with gags like jumping out and scaring her, dropping ice cubes down her back, and smearing food on her. Girlfriend is lucky there wasn't an inkwell in the house, or her pigtails would have gotten a few chunky lowlights. Memphis brings up the awkwardness that reigned on Keesha's birthday, and we flash back to that big multilateral fight in Day 25. Okay, this as a long clip, and I'm just going to start zipping through this crap. We saw it, I wrote about it, you read it, let's move on.
Dan and Memphis have returned to the Memory Wall to do some more reminiscing. Apparently on Day 12, there was some kind of "variety hour" where everyone dressed up in goofy outfits and Dan acted like a smarmy talk show host. All I will say about this is that about a minute in, it becomes clear why it never made it to air. Dan and Memphis then discuss Ollie's fear of birds, and that crow-induced panic attack Ollie had on Day 35 (complete with flashback, natch). Then there's some stuff we've never seen before about how Dan tried to teach Renny and Ollie how to swim, and Dan half-seriously speculates that maybe Ollie will consider the swimming lessons to be worth half a million dollars. Yes, I'm sure that's exactly what was going through Ollie's mind when he was evicted less than an hour after Michelle. "I've just been fucked with my pants on, but I can sort of fake an Australian crawl."
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After a reminder of America's Vote for our favorite juror, Dan and Memphis lounge in the living room and talk about what a turning point it was when Memphis was saved at the cost of Jessie, which of course sent Michelle into a blind, unitarded rage that carried her to HoH that week. Of course we get to see a flashback of that whole ensuing yell-fest. Dan tells Memphis that the reason they're still there is because they were the ones who could control themselves. Well, you know, as long as nobody called Memphis a womanizer. They realize that neither of them is going to be the favorite of anyone in the jury house. "The thing is," Memphis brightsides, "they have to vote." Memphis comments that they have no idea how the jury house is going to go. Dan pretends to agree, even though you know he has no intention of losing. He even issues a little challenge, saying that it might come down to who's the best speaker under pressure: the schoolteacher, or the mixologist? Rather than follow that line of discussion, they clink their champagne glasses.
In final DRs, Memphis says that he thinks he's got a good chance of winning against someone who's pissed off so many people, but he has no intention of badmouthing Dan. Whereas Dan assures us that he's fully prepared to throw Memphis under the proverbial bus for the grand prize. It happens Tuesday. Which is good, because it's about time something did.
Get the lowdown on all of the new shows in our Fall TV Preview.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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