Julie welcomes us and the live studio audience to Day 66 and tells us that the final Head of Household will be determined tonight, live, and then will get to evict one of the other two players, LIVE! But first, we flash back to the first round of the three-round HoH competition, which we left still in progress on Tuesday night. Dan, Memphis, and Jerry are balanced on those biplanes in the backyard, which are now pitching in the fake wind and rain. Dan says something fake-passive-aggressive to Memphis about booting Keesha, which triggers a flashback-within-a-flashback of Keesha's exit. Jerry comments in the Diary Room that this is the first time someone did what they said they were going to do for him. Memphis assures the DR that he only did so because he and Dan felt they had a better chance of beating Jerry in the end than Keesha. There's also a flashback of Dan's farewell to Keesha, where he whispered to her that he took Michelle on the trip. And by "finish it," he was asking her to campaign for him with Michelle. He adds that throwing the last Power of Veto competition was a smart move, since now Keesha's mad at Memphis instead of Dan. We also see Dan acting mad at Memphis in front of Jerry after the eviction, in order to make Jerry think he's in good shape.
Back on the planes, Dan is still accusing Memphis of backstabbing until Jerry falls off. Must have been pretty quick, since we don't even see how long he was up there. But the problem with Dan bitching at Memphis is that now they have to actually look like they're trying to outlast each other. Memphis is even starting to get annoyed with Dan's hamming it up.
As time goes on, the planes start moving more, and Dan is having trouble holding on, and getting impatient with Memphis's endurance. But eventually, seemingly out of nowhere, Memphis falls. Naturally, Jerry suspects nothing. Dan is even hoping that Jerry will feel secure enough to throw phase two of the HoH competition to Memphis. Well, I wouldn't go that far.
In the kitchen, Jerry thanks Memphis for saving him, thinking they're good buddies now. As soon as he's gone, however, Dan and Memphis talk about flipping for the privilege of evicting Jerry, remembering that it all depends on Memphis beating Jerry in the second round so it can be Memphis vs. Dan in the third round. I know some people consider the Renegades cocky, but I think their concern that Jerry is capable of winning two competitions in a row is a tad bit unfounded.
The second round has a boxing theme, and Jerry looks nervous at the prospect that he might actually have to get in a ring with Memphis. Of course, it's one of those "one at a time" dealies again, and Memphis is the first to be called into he backyard to find cutouts of all of the houseguests with giant boxing gloves pasted on them, half of a boxing ring, and the "Tear Duct of the Housecat" theme playing on the soundtrack. Memphis reads the instructions out loud for the camera: each player needs to go ten rounds with the cutouts, knocking down all of them but the HoH and the final nominees from each week's eviction. Memphis's strategy is to go quickly, but on the first round he "brainfarts" that Brian was a final nominee (even though Brian, you know, went home), so he has to do it again after they pop back up. Jerry's first round is slower, but more accurate. The second round goes about the same for both of them, but Memphis nails the third round while Jerry pretty much blows it. Both struggle with the fourth round, but in the fifth round, Jerry's playing this like a sudoku puzzle while Memphis is barely catching his breath, dashing back and forth between rounds. The several seem to go relatively smoothly for both of them, but Memphis isn't pleased with his performance, thinking he could have done better. All Jerry has to say when he finally finishes is, "Wow."
Finally, they're both out in the back yard while Dan reveals their times: Memphis's time is 8 minutes, 35 seconds, but Jerry's is FIFTY-ONE MINUTES AND TWENTY-TWO SECONDS. Oh, Jesus, show. Jerry is ashamed and embarrassed, almost as much as I am for being remotely fooled by the editing into thinking that Memphis's time was more than a fifth of Jerry's. So that's Jerry locked out of the final HoH competition, which is down to the Renegades. They celebrate in the bathroom, as Jerry moans, "Embarrassin'" while changing out of his trunks and revealing his tighty-whities. So for once, Jerry is correct on more than one level. Dan DRs that he wants to win HoH, thinking it'll be a good resume-fluffer when he addresses the jury. Memphis also wants to win, because he's never won before. Yeah, somehow I'm not expecting to see the knives come out in the final round.
Julie puts the houseguests on the viewscreen and basically asks Jerry why he sucks so much. Jerry attempts another joke, blaming it on falling into the pool and getting his brain waterlogged. He seems awfully prepared with these no-laugh lines of his, doesn't he? Julie then asks Memphis about his eviction of Keesha, and Memphis says it was a tough call, but "this game is business and she didn't fit in the plan." I don't know anything about these people in real life, but I bet that in his job as a mixologist, Memphis specializes in drinks that are cold. Julie then asks Dan how he feels about getting closer to the big prize, and Dan says something football-coach-y but pointless. Well, thanks for that.
We catch up with Renny in the jury house, playing cards with Libra and Michelle. "Being in the jury house SUCKS!" she says. "We're losers and that's why we're here." Michelle is at least looking forward to telling someone that she got to go on a big trip with Dan. In fact, I think that's the only thing she's got left to look forward to in hr whole live. Too bad those sails are already pre-deflated. All the evictees stand around the counter speculating about who's going to be showing up . When Keesha walks in, Renny gives her a big hug while Michelle and April stand there glaring, and April interviews that she's glad Keesha isn't winning the money. I do like how the editors always linger on April's face for just a second too long after she finishes saying something about Keesha, just waiting for the inevitable bitchface. And April never disappoints in that regard, does she? Back in the kitchen, Keesha rails against Memphis, and Michelle pathetically breaks in, "Well, I know a lot." Keesha chirps that she heard about Michelle's trip from Dan, who hasn't told anyone else. ["Love, love, love how crestfallen Michelle looked. Highlight of the night!" -- Angel] Even Michelle has to admit in an interview that Dan's playing this like a mofo. Looks like he might have gotten the Rhode Island vote after all.
Time for the highlights DVD. They react to Dan's non-nomination of Keesha by calling it a "total setup." And after they watch Memphis's eviction of Keesha, April assures us that she'll vote for Jerry if he makes it to the final two, because "I don't like that cockiness." Duly noted. Renny post-mortems that she told Keesha so, and after rewatching Dan's farewell to her, Keesha has to say that Dan is a great player.
For the final HoH round, Dan and Memphis are sitting on opposite sides of a partition in the living room while Julie explains the final round: they'll have to correctly guess how jury members completed certain statements. And of course, those "statements" will be captured on video so we can see how completely coached and inorganic they all are. The first question is about Libra, and what she would change if she could go back in time: her alliance, or her behavior in the house? Dan guesses the former and gets it right, which Memphis doesn't. The second question is who April thinks "coasted under the radar." Memphis guesses himself over Jerry, and gets the point. The third is a gimme from Michelle, about whether backdooring her was a better strategic move than her own HoH victory. So they both get it right, knowing it's All About Michelle. The question about Ollie is whether he considers his fatal error trusting Dan or "letting [his] heart get into the game." Well, that wasn't the only part of him that got into it, from what I heard. They both guess the former and get it wrong. The question about Renny is what she considers the most irritating moment, and whether it was Jessie disrespecting her or Jerry brushing his dentures in the sink. Funny, that second one never made it to air. Still, it's the choppers, and Dan gets the point and the lead. Finally is Keesha's assessment of the most uncomfortable moment in the house and whether it was her 30th birthday or the night before she was evicted. Dan gets it right, because he's the one who doesn't give Keesha credit for having a longer memory than a goldfish. So that's Dan's third HoH win of the season, and Julie tells us that he'll be making the final eviction after the commercial break.
When we come back, Jerry and Dan are sitting in the nominee seats in the living room while Dan sits to one side. Over the monitor, Julie lets Jerry go first in his own defense. Jerry congratulates Dan and then says he's played hard and hasn't broken his word since Brian in the first week. Yeah, Jerry, that's someone Dan wants to him when he's facing the jury. Idiot. Memphis reminds Dan that Dan nominated him twice, and now it's time to find out if Dan is a "true Renegade." The live audience titters. Julie reminds Dan that he's got $50,000 locked up, and Dan stands to congratulate Jerry on his run and send him packing.
No sooner is the door closed behind him than Dan and Memphis leap into each other's arms. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure Dan was going to come through. They tie their red Renegade bandannas around their wrists.
Julie asks Jerry why he thinks Dan evicted him after yelling at Memphis, and Jerry speculates that they might have even planned to do that all along. Gosh, why would he think that? "Well, because they did it," he explains. He thinks Dan made a mistake in not taking Jerry, since it means Jerry is going to be the swing vote. Julie asks if Jerry will pick the best payer or settle a score. Jerry says he was going after both of them -- in other words, he doesn't know.
Julie cues up the farewell messages. Dan again expresses his respect for Jerry's ability to last so long, and assures him there are no hard feelings. Memphis says they've had their differences, but sees him as a friend. "See you... later... Jerry," he finishes lamely, triggering another titter from the audience.
Julie reminds Jerry that at the beginning of the season he called this his "last hurrah," and Jerry talks about how after the finale he basically plans to go home and die. Cheery! Julie teases an "important announcement." And that turns out to be this week's "America's Vote," which is basically a Rupert Boneham award of $25,000 for America's favorite juror. Well, that should soften the blow for Jerry a bit. We'll "find out" the vote results on Tuesday (it'll be Jerry).
Julie gets the final two on the viewscreen and says, "Congratulations, Renegades!" Obviously they're both happy to be there. We'll see if they still feel that way in five days with nothing to do. Enduring that clip show on Sunday is going to be bad enough. I say we put them on slop until the end, just 'cause. And in the final bit of "eavesdropping," they get bleeped so much we can hardly hear a word. Fascinating.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.