I didn't do this when I should have, so I just want to take a moment to give belated props to the editors for being able to explicate all the various threads from that hairball of an argument that was aired Tuesday, and doing it in a limited amount of airtime. Well done. Now if only they could use those powers for good.
Julie's showing a little extra leg by wearing a gold heat shield as a skirt as she welcomes us to the live eviction show. We pick up where we left off on Tuesday, with Jerry declining to use the Power of Veto to save either Jessie or Memphis from the block. "There is no alliance now," Memphis DRs. "Time to start from square one." Good time for it.
In the women's bedroom, Keesha and Libra talk about how much they want Jessie gone, and they agree that they need to talk April into changing her mind. When April comes in, they make their case that if she doesn't get rid of Jessie, then both of them will be gone . April is large with not caring. I'm torn about April, because on the one hand I respect her for being able to admit that she's acting on her own selfish motives. But on the other hand, she could maybe stand to admit it a little less.
Outside, Keesha and Memphis discuss the situation and who they need to target to switch their votes to Memphis. Keesha's first thought is Dan, because she's unaware that he's taking his orders from America this week and his vote isn't up to him, let alone her. Keesha returns to Libra, saying she's not going to just roll over and do what she's told (yes, we've noticed that about you) and they talk about how they're going to swing the needed four of seven votes to Memphis's side. So far there's the two of them, and Renny will vote with them. Michelle's in love with Jessie, Ollie's in April's pocket (if not even deeper), and Jerry hates Memphis, so that leaves only Dan. They agree to give it a shot, aware that things could get ugly.
So Keesha summons Memphis and Dan into the women's bedroom, and they get Dan's double-secret pinky-swear that he's voting to keep Memphis. After the men leave, Libra and Keesha have a silent little celebration, already looking forward to April's reaction. Side note: I thought I was annoyed when I saw that the front of Keesha's t-shirt reads "Keesh-iest," but the "Keesh-dog" on the back is even worse. Keesh-us Christ, lady.
Sensing the change in the wind, April is leaving nothing to chance. She takes Jerry aside to make sure he's on board, and Jerry convinces her that they can count on Dan. And then later, Jerry goes to Dan to make sure he's on board with the alliance. Dan pretends to agree -- in the shortest, tersest, most transparent way possible -- so Jerry reports back to Jessie that he's safe. I'm loving all this intrigue over the one guy in the house whose vote isn't up to him. Dan is only too aware of this as he lies alone in the hammock later that evening, asking us to make the right decision to prevent him from getting screwed. "I gave you an eighteen-second hug," he reminds us. "You can hook me up." Me? I didn't get an eighteen-second hug. And with the season only a third over, I could use one.
It's time to meet Dan's people back home. The "Tear Duct of the Housecat" theme plays as we see Dan's football team back home in Detroit, watching Dan's motivational speeches during what looks like a Big Brother viewing party. Yes, you heard me; a high school football team is having aBig Brother viewing party. Which means their season is already over, as far as I'm concerned. A couple of the players make comments about how proud they are of Dan and they're cheering him on, which is awesome considering that most of his contribution to the show has been losing challenges on purpose and giving a long hug to a bodybuilder. Speaking of which, Dan's sister and his mom disagree about whether Dan's position as America's Player may screw him. This leads into a montage of players inside the house speculating that Dan is America's Player. "I wish I was America's Player," Ollie says, gazing plaintively at the camera. Aw, poor Ollie. He's going to have to settle for being April's Played.
Time to start the mass Chenterview with the houseguests in the living room via viewscreen. Julie starts with a question to Michelle about the unitard, and she manages not to spew hateful invective this time. As for the question about this being the second week in a row where Michelle has to choose between two alliance-mates, what's she going to say? "Yeah, it's awesome watching them drop." Shut up, Julie. Julie then asks Keesha if all the strife of her birthday has been forgotten, and Keesha smilingly says that none of it has. Someone's feeling confident. Libra gets the audience question, and it's about why she passed up the letter from home during the veto competition. Ooh, the audience isn't throwing softballs for once. Or maybe Julie just wants to hide behind them. Libra's answer for why she didn't choose to hear from home? "Because my husband would have killed me!" she claims, saying that they agreed to go somewhere after this was all over. So there was something Libra was going to anyway, and she took the opportunity to do it for free instead of paying for it. I'm not saying Michelle's reaction was justified, but that's quite different from winning an opportunity you wouldn't otherwise have. Libra adds that she's confident that her kids are well taken care of. They're also probably watching Michelle's bitchfaces in the background as their mom talks, though, so it's kind of a wash.
After the ads, it's the HoH Chenterview. April's alone in the HoH room for the last time, and Julie asks her how things are between her and Libra and Keesha. April says she doesn't trust them as much now, and takes credit for having saved them during the HoH competition, like it was all about them. Yeah, I'm not torn any more; I like her better when she's admitting to being selfish. Julie asks what it's like to have to share the house with her nominee, like she's the first HoH who's ever been in that situation. April says that Memphis hasn't exactly been campaigning to her, so she's decided that he doesn't even want to be there. There's some talk about Ollie, which April steers away from anything juicy.
Julie changes the channel to the living room to give the nominees their chance to speak in their defense. Jessie just sends some birthday wishes back home and says he wants to keep playing. Memphis stands and advises everyone to vote for themselves, and not for any alliances they might have. And the vote begins.
Michelle and her unitard vote first, and she faces the camera as she votes to evict Memphis. Ollie calls Julie "mama" and votes Memphis out. Jerry's in all but a dress uniform as he votes to evict Memphis. Libra is the first splinter player to vote, and she votes to evict Jessie. Looks like the board is green on her and Keesha's plan. As far as they know.
After the ads, Keesha also votes to evict Jessie, and so does Renny, voting like she thinks she's on Survivor. So it's a tie, and as Dan sits down in the DR, Julie says that he -- and by extension, America -- is the swing vote. When she opens the audio channel, he almost calls her "Mrs. Chen" again, but then decides to go with "Miss Julie." Which is so much better. Julie says that America has evicted Jessie. "Good job, America," Dan says as he trots back to the living room.
Julie breaks the news that Jessie is the one evicted, and nobody says a word; they all just get up and start quietly saying goodbye. The most audible thing anyone says is when Jessie tells Dan on his way out, "It's your word, it's your word." A bitch to the end, that Jessie.
It's quiet inside the house, except that someone's clapping, and Michelle keeps ducking into the bathroom to be alone. It must be taking quite a while for them to slide those two ottomans together for the Chenterview. When we finally rejoin them in the studio, Julie observes that Jessie was blindsided, and asks him what happened, as though he has any clue. Jessie pretends not to be surprised by Dan's treachery, and does an even worse job of pretending he isn't on the verge of tears. He adds that Dan's Catholic but doesn't go to church, like that's relevant. Julie asks if he has any regrets, like she doesn't already know he doesn't. Jessie caps it off by claiming not to be arrogant, and Julie moves on to a word association game about the houseguests, which -- guess what? He sucks at. He calls Libra "deviant" again, and now it's time for the farewells.
April says that she's shocked, and asks for Jessie's forgiveness. Michelle calls her housemates a bunch of liars and vows to take them down. Memphis concludes that Jessie's laziness bespoke an unfounded confidence, but "see you around, man." Heh. Libra calls him a "pain in my you-know-what," and Keesha's and Renny's farewells are similarly cold. Julie thanks Jessie, and promises to reveal some news to Jessie tomorrow on The Early Show, presumably Dan's status as America's Player. I'm still not watching. And Jessie doesn't even look that interested himself.
After the ads, Julie tells us that the houseguests didn't get much sleep last night, and apparently that's our fault. Cut to the sleeping house at 1:00 this morning, as loud, obnoxious taped greetings from civilians in the outside world are played over the loudspeaker to keep them awake all night. Yeah, that would suck, but I don't need to watch three hours of it.
But apparently that was all part of the setup for tonight's HoH competition. It's another game show, with Jerry, Dan, Memphis, Libra, Renny, Ollie, Michelle, and Keesha lined up behind podiums with dividers between them while outgoing HoH April sits out. And the questions will be about those taped wake-up calls. Now I see why that segment went on so long; they want us to be able to play along at home, as though we care that much. Everyone gets the first one right, but on the second one, Ollie and Renny are eliminated. They go to the bench to join April, who is clearly sitting there angrily wondering what went wrong in her little empire. The third question eliminates everyone but Michelle and Libra. And then Michelle gets the fourth question right, so she's HoH.
The usual celebration ensues, although with not as many people as usual and with Michelle's going on longer than everyone else's as she gives shout-outs to Jessie and calls her fellow houseguests "traitors" that she's "gonna get" for Jessie Dan looks more than a little worried.
Time for one last Chenterview with the houseguests, back in the living room. Michelle repeats that this is for Jessie, and she deserves the win after the week she's had. "Game on," she says. Memphis says he feels the love. Clearly he isn't looking at April or Jerry. Julie asks Jerry whether it's harder to be in the armed forces or in the house, and he says he loves the latter. "Game on," he sucks up.
Julie shuts them off and breaks the news to us that someone from each of Big Brother's ten seasons will be showing up on Sunday for a special competition. Well, how could it be anything other than special, then? After the usual plugs of upcoming episodes and that Showtime mess, there's the "eavesdropping" segment where Michelle has an urgent, whispered conversation with Memphis about how she's not mad at him. Oh, I totally believe her, too, don't you?
Talk about Jessie's eviction and speculate on who will be the ten special guests in our forums. And don't forget to vote in our annual Tubey Awards.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.