After a replay of the nomination ceremony -- in which Memphis and Jessie were nominated, as you'll recall, we get some DR reactions from the principals. Memphis isn't happy about being nominated along with someone from his alliance, as though April was going to nominate... well, actually never mind. Jessie has decided that it's an "honor" to be nominated three out of four weeks, because the alternate conclusion would be that he's maybe not that awesome, and obviously that couldn't be the case. But Michelle knows her Big Brother history, and is aware that pawns tend to go home. April DRs that Memphis is her target, and she's going to keep it that way. And Jessie gets some whispered assurances from April and Ollie that he's not going anywhere.
Dan goes into the DR to get his America's Player instructions: he has to hug Jessie for at least 10 seconds. Dan's approach is to ask for some alone time with Jessie, and he actually works up some fake tears whining about missing his girlfriend Monica. Jessie is full of whispered encouragements to Dan, even as Dan latches onto him for a full 17 seconds (winking up at the camera on second twelve). Task completed. You should have held out for thirty seconds, America.
Here's who's playing in this week's PoV competition: HoH April (who draws Michelle's name), along with nominees Jessie (who draws Libra) and Memphis (who draws Jerry). April taps Renny as the host, so brace yourself. April DRs that she feels the whole weight of the upcoming competition on herself, since she doesn't trust Libra or Jerry right now.
Later, in the HoH room, she's saying as much to Ollie, Keesha, and Dan, when Libra and Renny join the group. April continues bitching about the paltry forces arrayed on her side (speculating that Jerry would do great at a nose-picking competition, as though that's out of the question on this show), to the point where Libra takes offense and leaves the room. With that cloud over everyone, the others offer to give April some alone time, which of course means time alone with Ollie so she can bitch about Libra openly.
Down in the women's bedroom, Libra and Keesha commiserate about how little regard April has for them. Through the thin walls, Jessie wakes up from his "third or fourth nap of the day" and listens in, hearing both Libra's complaints and Keesha's protestations that nobody can tell her who to talk to, presumably in reference to Memphis. "That's all I need to hear," he DRs.
So Jessie goes right up to the HoH and reports everything he just heard to April and Ollie, who eat it up. "One of my naps finally paid off!" he celebrates in the DR. And back in HoH, Ollie and April agree that it is now, as they say, on. Time to go rip a strip off the allies.
When April enters the women's bedroom to confront Libra and Keesha, Libra goes right on the offensive about her feelings being hurt. But when April comes back with what she heard from Jessie (without attributing it to him), things quickly escalate. Keesha for once walks out (due in part to April's dismissiveness of her), but then in the kitchen she finds Michelle and Renny, asking if one of them has been tattling on her to April. Michelle denies everything -- and of course Renny doesn't have to -- as Keesha starts working herself up into a lather about April's attitude. Michelle and Renny try to calm her down on the grounds that it's her birthday, but she storms back into the room where April and Libra are still trying to hash things out in relatively civil tones. She blows up at April anew, while Ollie and Renny stand by the doorway hoping not to get hit by the shrapnel. But it takes a surprisingly short amount of time before they think to wonder who's the one telling on them in the first place.
April immediately dimes Jessie, and suddenly he's the one they're mad at. Out in the living room, Memphis tells a camera, "This is why you put all thirty-year-old women in the house, 'cause they go crazy." Meanwhile, said women are discussing their move when Jerry comes in to tattle on Memphis for what he just said. Except he can't get through his story without telling Libra to shut up, and then everyone's mad at him, sending Renny out into the living room to tell Memphis Jerry's talking about him talking about them. Need a flow chart yet? Memphis joins the group in the women's bedroom just as Keesha declares to the group that Jessie's got to go, as if it's up to her. The little party breaks up, leaving Libra alone with April again so they can apologize to each other. Meanwhile, out in the kitchen, someone decides that now's the time to sing happy birthday to Keesha, and as she sends Ollie to fetch Libra and April, Libra is still talking about all the stuff Jessie could hear through the wall. Jessie, by the way, is back in the spot he was in when he started all this trouble, and he jumps up as though burned. And... commercial! There's just too much arguing to fit into one act here.
Jessie rushes into the women's bedroom to get into it with Libra. Shouting commences, audible throughout the house, while Jessie plays the innocent victim. She keeps saying she's done with Jessie, but she can't seem to stop yelling at him. When she finally stomps out and joins the group waiting to celebrate Keesha's birthday, Jessie and April are still in the other room, so Libra goes back to get them, and gets right back into it with him. Finally everyone's in the kitchen, and the saddest group-sing of "Happy Birthday to You" takes place. Seriously, I've seen happier renditions of that song on sitcoms. Sitcoms, you hear me? Seconds later, Libra and Jessie are at each other again in front of everyone else, and then Michelle and Keesha weigh in, and Keesha and Libra shout him down. Libra's parting line is to Memphis, who's been sitting most of this out: "Every day is a new day," she tells him. "You can't vote me out if I'm not on the block," Jessie boasts. Which is factually true, but I smell false hope.
The PoV competition has a hockey theme. Libra says she's feeling anxious given all the strife that's been in the house lately, April feels pressure to win, and Jessie is simply looking forward to rubbing his (or Michelle's) inevitable victory in everyone's face. Well, that certainly sounds like a solid long-term strategy. And can we all agree never to make Renny a host again? I forgot how screechy that lady can be. The competition itself is pretty straightforward, with people trying to shoot a ball closest to the center area of a hockey net divided into narrow sections. The prizes are the complicated part. It's basically a "Yankee Swap" kind of thing where the player eliminated in each round gets a prize, but the people eliminated after them have the opportunity to steal any previously won prize. Let the winning and losing begin!
Memphis blows his shot so badly that he misses the net entirely, and discovers that the sixth-place prize is the PoV medal. He's not thrilled, because he knows anyone can steal it from him at this point. Michelle loses , and her prize is a Hawaiian vacation, which she holds onto without a second thought. Jessie can take care of himself, after all.
Except that of the four remaining players, Jessie is the suckiest, so he's out . As always, he's quick to denigrate a competition at which he doesn't excel, in this case equating it to miniature golf, which he doesn't play because his back's too big. Ooookay. Jessie's third-place prize is a "slop surprise," which nobody is allowed to know the meaning of until after the competition. Jessie swaps it for Memphis's PoV medal, for all the good it's going to do him. April is out in the round, and the third-place prize is $10,000, which according to April makes her a target, right? Except it's not just real money redeemable upon your exit, you can also give it to other players in increments of $1,000 for whatever reason, like, say, to buy a vote, maybe. April decides to keep it, and is at least honest in the DR about saying that her reasons were selfish. She did her part this week, after all.
In the last round, Libra beats Jerry with a perfect shot, and his second-place prize is a letter from home. When Renny asks if he wants to keep it or trade it with someone else, he quickly comes to an agreement with Libra and April: they'll split the $10,000 three ways, and then Jerry will swap the veto from Jessie. Jessie's a bitch about it, of course, talking about what a rotten deal the others made. "Love you, Mom," he remembers to add with a desultory sigh. Time to reveal Libra's first prize, which once again is the red unitard. Yeah, you knew they weren't going to let a black woman win a hockey game. Libra decides to trade it for the Hawaiian vacation, and Michelle is seriously pissed. "Ten thousand dollars and this is what I get?" she rages in the DR, looking like she's going to eat the camera. Renny reveals what Memphis's slop surprise is: it's a one-week slop pass to be redeemed at his discretion, but Memphis has to consign another houseguest to slop for a week, starting now. "Jerry," Memphis says without a moment's thought, on the theory that Jerry's never going to Veto him anyway. Well, I guess we'll never know now, will we? Now all that remains is for April, Jerry, and Libra to try to figure out how to split ten grand into thirds.
Michelle is totally off her meds here; not only does she tell Jessie that she's going to quit, she puts down Libra as a bad mother for passing up the letter from home. And in the DR, she goes even further: "I get a fucking leotard by a fucking mother who should get her kids taken away because she's a fucking whore slut skank!?" Whoa! Foul! Chill out, crazy lady. Hawaii's not going anywhere. In fact, I think it's even getting bigger. Michelle needs to work on developing some perspective. Maybe by the time she does, Hawaii will come to her. Michelle is pissed about being made a fool of, and tells the DR camera that she's only going to have her back to it from now on. She is really not trying to hear Jessie's words of encouragement, until he follows her freshly-unitarded ass to her bed and promises to make sure she wins HoH week. Yeah, good luck with that. By the way, Jessie, remember that thing where you were going to rub your victory in everyone's faces? How's that going?
Veto ceremony. Jerry's wearing his Marines shirt, so you know right away he's not going to do anything sneaky. Jessie goes first, telling Jerry that he'll understand if he doesn't want to stick he neck out for him. Memphis says roughly the same thing, although he's less condescending. And Jerry... isn't using the Veto. Nominees stay the same.
Memphis DRs that he wasn't surprised, but "it's a long time until Thursday." Especially if you're stuck in a house with Jessie. Jessie in turn says that Jerry "neglected" to use the Veto on him, as though it was just a forgetful oversight. But he's confident that he'll have enough votes to stay in the house, which he calls a "sweet cookie to eat." You know what cookies do, Jessie? They crumble. April maintains that Memphis remains her target, but Libra says that she has plans to get rid of Jessie. I'm going to go out on a limb and predict more Libra/April fireworks, with Keesha on those sidelines that she's always mistaking for the center of the action.
Time for us to give America's Player Dan his marching orders: should he vote to evict Jessie or Memphis? Dance, monkey!
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.