It's Day 7, and Parker DRs "The Steps of Destruction, By Jen:" (1) She had a secret relationship with Ryan, (2) she's cocky, and (3) she's an idiot. Obviously, Parker isn't happy about being tethered to her. After the nomination ceremony breaks up, Allison talks to Ryan about how they have a better chance to survive than Jen does, but she informs him that she's still going to be Little Miss Needypants about it all the time. Super.
Meanwhile, Jen, Parker, and Amanda talk about how if Jen and Parker win the PoV, Jen's going to save herself and Parker. Parker then DRs that he trusts Amanda more than he does Jen. And then there's a little whispering and there are some long hugs between them, as both Parker and Amanda each talk in the diary room about having a bit of a crush on the other. So far, I'm not any more impressed with Big Brother's personality matching than I am with...well, any other aspect of Big Brother, really. ["For real; it's not like you have to go through soulmate calculations or consult an oracle to get people on this demented show to swallow each other's tongues. The boredom and the fact that everyone involved is as shallow as a saucer will take care of it." -- Miss Alli]
Joshuah DRs that Neil has suddenly left. As in, left the house, out of the game, gone. "Dead," in Big Brother parlance. So that leaves Joshuah in need of a partner. He's been given the choice between the two people who have already evicted (and sequestered, because apparently everyone is going to be on the jury this season. So who's he going to pick: Jacob, whom everyone hated, or Sharon, whom everyone hated to see go?
Obviously the latter, as everyone gathered in the living room excitedly cheers as Joshuah reintroduces Sharon as his "hot wife." It's a joyous reunion. At least until Sharon becomes literally the last person on Earth who cares at all about Big Brother to learn that Jen and Ryan are a real couple. Which, in her case, isn't all that unjustified, considering that if Jen hadn't protected Ryan, Sharon and Jacob might not have been evicted in the first place. Then Joshuah and Jen go off alone to set down some ground rules, in the sense that Joshua doesn't want Jen making jokes about him behind his back. Was that an issue with Neil? Since the two gay guys have gotten the least screen time of any couple (including the couple kicked out on the second episode), there's no way to know. But at least now Joshuah doesn't have to negotiate with his partner about which one of them will be "the girl" in any more gender-divided competitions.
Amanda asks Alex for a back rub, but when he declines, Parker is happy to step up. And she's happy to return the favor when he's done. There's all kinds of other traffic in the bathroom while this is going on, too: creepy Adam, voicing his approval (which is the best argument against it I can imagine); Alex, Amanda's jealous partner; and Jen, Parker's partner who may be almost as jealous as Alex despite having her real boyfriend there in the house with her (so far). "There is sooo much drama in the house," Amanda says while rubbing lotion into Parker's skin, as if she has no idea why.
Jen and Ryan canoodle in an easy chair, and Jen claims in a DR that they're like this all the time back home. And Ryan agrees that it's been hard to not be getting any for all this time. So then they sneak into the bathroom and hang up the "occupied" sign. But that's where their discretion ends, because Parker happens by and hears all the co-ed grunting and struggling issuing from within. Ew, I said "issue." Parker cracks up, and looks forward to a day of sloppy seconds: first with the toilet, now, and with Jen in bed, later.
Allison and Sheila sit and talk about how much Sheila will miss Allison if Allison goes. And their secret, made-up lesbian relationship now has a child, which they have decided not tell anyone about until the bitter end. Yikes, if Allison doesn't go this week, this could turn into a really twisted version of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? But keep in mind that they've already told two other people their fake secrets.
One of those people is Chelsia, who goes and lets James in on the made-up secret. James not only swallows the whole story, but acts like this explains everything. So then he goes looking for clues, like he's on The Mole. He hits on one in the guinea pig cage, in the form of a four-color 3-D puzzle that he thinks means there's a fourth secret relationship.
Outside the day, James tells Alex about his theory. Watching Parker and Amanda goof around across the lawn, Alex completely buys it, and has a couple of clear prime suspects in mind. Because if Parker and Amanda knew each other from before, they'd be all over each other like they have been.
And later still, Jen is cutting Matt's hair while Alex passes this on to Matt. Amanda comes in, laughs at the job Jen's done on Matt (Jen is a humorless ass about it, naturally), and Alex defends Jen before stomping out all prissy. Amanda asks Matt if Alex is mad at her, and Matt tells her what Alex thinks about her and Parker. So Amanda gets in a big righteous squeaky snit about having her integrity questioned this way, and goes up to confront Alex in the HoH room. Alex isn't convinced, and says that James "brought it to his attention." Amanda goes to tell Parker, "my best friend that I've known for years," that the two of them already know each other. So Parker goes to tell Alex it's not true, although he admits having a crush on Amanda. "And James can go to hell," he adds. Parker then heads out to the yard to send James there. There's all manner of yelling and recriminations between James and Parker and Alex and Amanda about who said what and what they meant and who's accusing whom. And after this big blowout, the editors cap it off with a DR from Amanda saying dismissively of Alex, "My soul mate wouldn't disrespect me," followed by suspenseful shots of the principals in this drama: Alex, Amanda, Parker, James, and the little puzzle thingy in the guinea pig cage. The producers are certainly congratulating themselves on the casting of that last player.
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After the commercials, Amanda and Alex (the former of whom is in a surprisingly demure sweater-dress) sit as far apart from each other as they can while still being in the HoH room. Alex confronts Amanda about her feelings for Parker. His jealousy is one thing, but now he starts criticizing the way she dresses, because although it was kind of cool the first week, he's over it now that he owns her or something. And yes, the word "slut" is used. So clearly Alex is one of those guys who thinks a woman should dress one way before you club her over the head and drag her back to your cave, and the opposite way afterwards. He DRs that he and Amanda aren't the match he hoped. What is the world coming to when you can't even trust Big Brother?
day, it's time to determine who's going to be competing for PoV. It'll be the two nominated couples (Jen/Parker and Ryan/Allison), the HoH couple (Alex/Amanda), and a fourth, randomly selected couple: Natalie/Matt. They also pick Joshuah to act as host for the competition.
Afterwards, Matt and Parker discuss what they'll each do in the event one of them wins the PoV. Matt offers to use it on Parker if he wins, then boastfully DRs that he has no intention of doing any such thing. Better hope Parker gets evicted, then.
Wearing a cheesy ringmaster outfit, Joshua leads everyone out into the yard to explain the PoV competition. One member of each couple is going to be riding spread-eagled on a giant, angled turntable with a big heart painted on it. The other member will spin their partner, and the partner has to hold onto a handle while keeping a button pressed for 300 full revolutions. If the player on the turntable lets go of the button, that couple is done. The women mount the turntables (despite Natalie's stated "spinning" phobia, which is a new one on me) and the men set them to rotating. Allison is the first one to let go of her button after only 135 spins, and she staggers off the field, saying she lost her one guarantee of staying in the house. I think she underestimates Jen's ability to irritate everyone else. Matt and Natalie are in the lead, with Alex and Amanda in second. That is, until Amanda lets go of the button. She claims it was an accident, but in a DR, she says she threw the competition so they would appear weaker and not be such a big target. What, not to get even with Alex, a little bit? Because I could get behind that. It's down to Parker/Jen (with Jen obnoxiously egging Parker on) and Natalie/Matt (with Matt obnoxiously egging himself on, because Natalie's not up to it). Matt and Natalie win it, and Jen is disgusted with her partner. Jen immediately starts sucking up to Matt. Parker, of course, still thinks that Matt is going to save him based on what they talked about earlier. "However, I have different plans," Matt DRs.
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Matt keeps selling this to Parker, as the two of them lounge shirtless in the love seat. Parker's confident, but Matt only has one caveat: gotta run it by "the wife," i.e. Natalie. Naturally, he states this in the most sexist terms possible.
Late at night in the HoH room, Alex and Amanda lie in bed in the dark as Alex proposes that if the two of them aren't going to have a physical or emotional relationship with each other, they shouldn't with anyone else, either. Which is awfully mature of him, seeing as how she has other prospects and he doesn't. So Amanda, pissed off, gets up and goes downstairs. She finds Chelsia in the kitchen, and they talk about Alex's jealousy. They also suspect that Alex is watching them on the monitor in the HoH room right now. Which, naturally, he is. Parker comes in, asking, "Is he watching?" Alex continues to watch from the bed as Amanda tells Parker what Alex said. Parker realizes that Alex is gunning for him, so he and Jen need Matt's veto even more than he thought. Alex? Still watching. Still creepy.
Matt and Natalie don their PoV necklaces to contemplate the memory wall. Matt wants to protect Parker, but Parker is partnered with Jen, who gets on everybody's nerves. Although it's not that so much as the fact that Jen wants to keep her boyfriend Ryan in the game. The credits roll before we learn what he and Natalie decide, but I'm thinking Ryan and Allison aren't likely to get vetoed.
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