You guys, I swear to God there was no PoV ceremony in the episode I saw last night. I stuck around for the closing credits and even the Jericho previouslies to make sure. I will admit that my digital cable froze up for a few seconds, but I didn't think that was anywhere near long enough for something to actually happen. I suggest you take up any complaints with my local CBS affiliate, WCCO-TV in Minneapolis. And ask them to have our evening news anchor tone down the pinstripes, while you're at it.
Okay, so tonight's previouslies "reveal" (to me, at least), that Matt and Natalie decided not to use the PoV, contrary to Matt's promises to Parker.
Julie welcomes us to tonight's show by reminding us that Jen and Ryan, the real-life couple, are about to be "torn apart." Not by wolves, alas. But before we move on to that, Julie wants to tell us how the house turned on Amanda in "the biggest fight in Big Brother history." Another one?
There's a little montage of Amanda telling stories on everyone in the house, just for the sake of gossiping. Eventually people start comparing notes, and Chelsia hears that Amanda thinks James wants to win HoH and nominate Alex and Amanda. As James's partner, this pisses off Chelsia enough that she goes out to the hot tub (where Amanda's soaking with some other people) and throws down. Amanda noisily protests her innocence, and then Joshuah makes a move: specifically, he goes completely off, screaming at Amanda, calling her a horse-face, telling her that the whole house hates her, and eventually storming inside in what would appear to be a blind rage. But Joshuah DRs that it was all just an act, to turn the whole house against Amanda. I would question the wisdom of that, since Joshuah was the one acting like a crazy person here. But Joshuah's statement is borne out when even Alex angrily explains to Amanda that talking shit about one person affects that person's partner, much as Alex is being affected by everyone's anger at Amanda right now. As Amanda continues to insist that she never mentioned Chelsia's name (which is not the point), Joshuah comes back out and sarcastically suggests that Amanda get a halo. "Or a noose," Chelsia snots. "Just like her dad," Joshuah cackles. Ooh, foul. Amanda has a meltdown and goes into the kitchen, where Allison goes to comfort her. Also, while I don't think Amanda has a pretty face, I should say for the record that it isn't horselike. Rather, she has the jaw and lips of a young Hugh Hefner. Get her a pipe and you can see why her face might appeal to a certain type of guy who doesn't realize what's going on.
Later, Amanda takes a comforting bubble bath in the HoH bathroom, while Parker, Sharon, and Jen stand around sympathetically. Sharon tells Amanda to ignore them so that they'll stop. The girls leave, and Parker sticks around to try to make Amanda feel better about being hated and ugly.
Julie introduces a little "Jen vs. Ryan" sequence. Jen starts campaigning one-on-one, making charming moves like informing the girls that Ryan is a racist. "Ryan is racist" is a direct quote. Later, Ryan joins a bedroom conversation between Allison, Sheila, and Matt about Jen's cattiness. Ryan half-heartedly defends Jen, and Sheila warns Ryan that Jen's been calling him a racist. So then Ryan goes and finds Jen and tells her, "It's gonna hit the fan" as he calls her outside. She joins Ryan (who has selected Adam as his second, apparently) in the yard. He's all surly and pissed off as she "tries" to "figure out" what "someone" "claimed" she's been saying about him. After a bit, she asks if it's Sheila saying that Jen said Ryan has "a race issue." "We'll see," Ryan says. He goes back into the bedroom, where Parker now is, and assures Parker that he isn't a racist. Parker says it's cool, and Ryan leaves again. No sooner has the door closed behind him than Jen storms in. "Don't you dare," Parker tells her, seeing what's coming. But he can't stop Jen from yelling at Sheila for "misinterpreting" what Jen said. We even get a replay of Jen saying, "Ryan is racist," lest we be convinced by Jen's self-serving spin. Ryan comes back in, and the two of them start yelling at each other. Ryan accuses Jen of messing with his life, and Sheila and Allison take Ryan's side. After a while, Jen wants to have a one-on-one with Ryan, and DRs, "The most important thing is my relationship with Ryan. It overpowers the game any day." Which makes the second time she's said the opposite of something she said earlier, in as many minutes.
Ryan and Jen go into the sauna, and all he has to say to her is that she must want the game pretty bad to throw him under the bus and make him look like a racist to the whole wide world. I see what he's saying, but she's only making him look like a racist to Big Brother viewers, which is so not the same thing. Ryan's about to walk out on Jen, but she makes him stay, downplays what she said, and insists that she loves him. Ryan looks like he wants to buy it.
Julie starts talking to the gathered houseguests via the big monitor outside. Her first question is to Sheila, who sarcastically claims that she and Adam are really soulmates now. Adam slightly less sarcastically agrees. Julie asks whether Jen wants to say anything to Ryan. She says that she has no regrets, and knows that Ryan appreciates Jen's going on the block for Ryan (wait, is that what happened?), and can't wait to see him again after tonight's eviction. She desperately asks for a kiss, and gets one. Ryan? What she said, only less convincingly.
Julie then asks anyone who's sure there are no other couples in the house to raise his or her hand. Only Natalie, Sheila, and Alex raise their hands. Julie doesn't bother to straighten anyone out. She explains the voting rules: it's pretty much the same this year, except they're voting as couples, and if a couple can't agree, they risk eviction themselves. Not that we get any detail on that.
1 2 3 4
Matt and Natalie vote to evict Ryan and Allison, calling Allison a "sneak." Chelsia and James vote to keep Allison and Ryan because they need them, whereas Parker and Jen are bad bunkmates, with Parker always turning on the light when they're sleeping.
Back from the ads, Julie has the HoH interview with Alex and Amanda from the HoH room. Julie asks Amanda if all is forgiven, and Amanda says that she's letting it go, and that the people in question have apologized. Julie then brings up their joint membership in what Grey's Anatomy has called the Dead Dads Club, and Alex says that he's drawing strength from his father every day. Julie asks whether Amanda regrets telling people about her dad, but Amanda tearfully insists that she doesn't. So can they work together as a team? Alex says that they will, basically because they have to. And Amanda agrees that they've worked through their differences. Well, that was dull.
More voting! Well, voting prep, in the Diary Room. Joshuah and Sharon talk shit about Jen and Parker, whereas Adam and Sheila disagree over which couple should be evicted. Although they're surprisingly civil about it. They're totally doing it now, aren't they?
Julie says that the votes are in, and gives the four nominees a chance to say something. They all do. I think that covers it, except to mention that Ryan has his hand on Jen's knee the whole time. After the speeches, Parker takes Jen's other hand. The suspenseful music cues up, and Julie announces that Jen and Parker have been evicted in a 3-1 vote. Everyone quietly hugs goodbye, except for Parker saying Matt didn't have to lie to his face. They're both relatively cool about it, though. Parker is nearly out the door while Jen is still kissing Ryan goodbye.
Parker and Jen head across the bridge in the front yard to greet Julie, and while everyone inside is still hugging goodbye -- Ryan wearing the look of a man who knows that he dodged a bullet but that the one has his name on it -- Jen's and Parker's pictures on the memory wall go monochrome. Everyone is amazed at that cold, cold Big Brother.
Julie's first question to Jen is whether there might have been some other way to protect Ryan besides telling Parker about her relationship. Jen insists that she wouldn't have done anything different, and that the only mistake was "having Ryan tell Allison." Noticing that Parker is quietly seething to Jen, Julie asks Parker the same question. "It is what it is," says Parker, with unusual restraint. Time for Ryan and Allison's farewell message. Allison apologizes to Parker, and admonishes Jen for miscalculating. Ryan tells Jen that he loves her and will be playing for both of them. The good news for Jen and Parker is that they both won $5000 as the first Power Couple. Well, whoop-de-fuck.
1 2 3 4
When we come back, it's somehow daytime in the backyard as the five remaining couples (not counting Alex and Amanda, who are ineligible to repeat) get ready for the HoH competition. It's basically a five-team game show in which everyone has to guess how the majority of the house would answer each question. The first question is whether people would rather go without food or hot water. Most say hot water, which means that the house will be without hot water for the three days. The question is whether the majority would rather see the women in swimsuits or their soulmate's favorite outfit for the twenty-four hours. Everyone picks A, which of course means all women in all swimsuits, all the time. question: what would the majority rather lose for a week: eating utensils or drinking cups? Drinking cups, which they'll be doing without for a week. Would the majority rather have a margarita party or an outdoor grill? Everyone picks the margarita party, even though they won't have anything to drink out of. Should be a fun party. Would the majority prefer breakfast in bed from the men or dinner cooked by the women? The latter is chosen. Would the majority rather go two weeks without the workout equipment or the washing machine? They pick the latter, which means this is going to be one smelly bunch of gym rats. Smelly, thirsty, hypothermic, drunk-on-margaritas, hungry-from-burned-dinners gym rats. Oh, and Chelsia and James are the new HoH couple. And there is much rejoicing.
Julie welcomes us back, where everyone's convened in the living room to talk to a very excited Chelsia and James about being HoH. They're thrilled, obviously, not least because they get to sleep in a real bed now. Julie turns to Alison and Ryan to ask how the game is going to be different for them. Only Allison answers, talking about how happy she is that she gets Ryan to herself now. For a week, probably. "Let's eavesdrop on the houseguests," Julie invites us, and then we get to hear all sorts of confusing cross talk about the lack of hot water they have to look forward to.
1 2 3 4