Jesus, the only thing worse than watching this shit live? Is watching it live starting at 1:36 AM. Boo, pre-season football. BOO.
So I have all the more incentive to skip past the endless "previously"s and Julie's inane intro and head straight for the slide guitar into the moments directly following Eric's non-use of the Veto. Amber bitterly DRs that Eric's failure to veto her nomination proves that he's only playing the game for himself, as opposed to Amber, who's apparently getting her marching orders from all her partners at the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, who'll be getting all her money when she wins. I mean, I get that she's pissed that Eric didn't make a decision that ended up being in her interest, but it's not a team game. Of course he's only in it for himself! Those are the sorts of people who win! But I know you know this. Zach DRs that he hopes he's established relationships with everyone in the house, as opposed to Amber, who is regarded, he says, as a floater. She's certainly looking more and more like a piece of crap with each passing episode.
In the HoH room, Jessica's upset that she nominated two people who didn't have a problem with her, and now one of them is leaving, whereas Dick and Daniele didn't really like her or care how she did in the game. Her voice breaking, she says she feels like she's made a huge mistake. Eric comes over to sit with her in bed, and asks whether Jessica really thinks Amber likes her. I mean, we know she doesn't; she's still pissed at Eric for getting Dustin evicted, and at Jessica for being a Jew-lover. (I still don't follow the feeds, but once even the AP picks up the story, some of this stuff does finally trickle down to me.) Anyway, just as Eric is getting Jessica to admit that she neither believes that Amber likes her, nor does she like Amber herself, Amber herself shows up at the door. Eric pointedly crawls into bed beside Jessica -- making them look even more like co-Heads of Household -- as Amber says that she doesn't want to go home yet. She starts to cry, of course (and judging by how blotchy her face is, she's been doing a lot of that this week -- I mean, more even than usual), as she says that she wants a good person to win the game. This sends us to the DR as Eric complains that this is Amber's one and only argument for her own survival in the game, and that he's sick of her ass. As Amber continues yammering on, Jessica gets up and sits in the chair to her, possibly because, as a student of semiotics, she wants to dissociate herself from Eric in this moment. Anyway, Amber lamely winds it up, and once she's gone, Jessica whines that she wants Amber to stay. Eric says that when Zach comes in and makes his plea, Jessica will change her mind, but Jessica frankly says that she's ready for him to go; however, she has a feeling it will be Amber.
Outside, Zach is telling Dick that he would be happy ending up in second place to Dick or Daniele. I don't really get where that particular thread is going -- surely Dick's final two is himself and Daniele, unless he wants to wind up his redemption edit by sacrificing himself so that Daniele can beat some stooge (like Zach) instead -- but anyway, Dick confidently says that Zach won't be going this week. Zach, pressing on, says that winning the second-place prize of $50,000 would be fine with him, but Dick says that it will be Amber's week to go; he refers to her poor Power Of 10 performance, and to the fact that Amber's eviction would break up her alliance with Jameka. Zach says that if he stays, and wins HoH, he will nominate Jessica and Jameka, and backdoor Eric, if he can. This notion seems to appeal to Dick, who takes a moment to say that the only reason he wouldn't vote to keep Zach would be if he heard that Zach somehow sold him out, so of course we flash back to Zach's conversation with Eric where he makes the case for nominating Dick and Daniele. In the now, Zach reminds Dick that he voted to keep Dick, twice. Hey, yeah. Don't make me hate you now, Zach, just when you were turning into the last raft I could cling to in this brutal season. Dick's like, "Then we're good."
Girl talk in the HoH. Jessica joins Jameka and Amber, the last of whom wastes no time in beating the drum against Eric. She says it's like he's been HoH this week; Jameka agrees that everyone Eric has wanted to get out of the house has gone. Amber adds that she thinks the vote this week will either be 3-1 (against her) or 2-2, and Jessica immediately says that she would break a tie in Amber's favour, earning her a sharp look from Jameka. Amber says that while she does think Eric has feelings for Jessica, she also thinks he's playing his game through Jessica. Eventually, Eric comes to the door to break it up, and Amber quickly lies that she was talking about her boyfriend. Eric tells her she can talk about him at the table downstairs (he actually says "talk to him," though that can't be what he means -- unless Amber does something where she gets one of the other houseguests to pretend to be her boyfriend and talk to him by proxy or some damn thing; I wouldn't necessarily rule that out, given that...it's Amber), and as they get ready to head downstairs, Jameka tells Amber that she needs to secure Daniele's vote.
Daniele is chilling in bed when Amber enters and starts whinily making her case for Daniele to keep her. She reminds Daniele of the preposterous deal she made with Daniele last week, and indeed, Daniele does DR that it could be in her interest to keep Amber around (though what we don't see is her estimating the odds that Amber would win an individual competition, of any kind, ever). From what we're shown, she remains silent throughout Amber's whine-ologue.
America's Player. America wants Eric to get Amber out. I can't say I disagree. She probably needs to be treated for dehydration by now, among MANY other things.
In the HoH, Eric confronts Jessica about the supposed conversation about Amber's boyfriend. Eric can tell that Jessica's covering up something, and she caves pretty quickly, telling him how Amber was running him down -- including that Eric will never win an HoH because he's scared that pictures of his on-again, off-again girlfriend will cock-block him with Jessica. Eric is offended that Amber is trying to play Jessica and Eric off against each other, and in order to impeach her testimony, he reminds Jessica that Amber was a drug addict, and yet is passing herself off as one of the "good people." He goes on some more, saying that Jessica is only defending Amber now because she's kissing Jessica's ass this week. Jessica surmises, "You want her to go home, don't you." Eric intones that she will go home, and Jessica sighs that she knows. Eric is kind of pouty by now, and Jessica mopes that she was just telling him what Amber said, and that Amber was just looking out for her. Eric: "What a bitch." Eh, you're all bitches.
Sometime later, Eric and Jessica catch up with Dick. He truthfully relays Zach's plan in the event that he wins HoH, and Eric dismissively says that's a "good plan," adding that Zach had told him pretty much the opposite about Dick and Daniele. Dick's face falls, but he recovers by swearing and blustering. I'm glad he's switched to violent gesticulation toward the absent Zach, since it stops him picking at a zit or something on his stomach. Gah, he is so GROSS.
And I mention Julie's throw to commercials here because she says we'll be finding out about the OTHER woman in Eric's life, and learning whether he's "America's Player, or America's Playa." And I mean she really punches the "a." Take it easy, Julie. Don't take your hip lessons from Mike Boogie.
After commercials, it's time for Julie to talk to the houseguests. They can't hear her at first, but then (unfortunately) the situation is remedied. Remember when they all got naked for the luxury competition? That was fun for Jessica. Remember when Daniele found out she could have seen Nick if she hadn't sucked so bad at Power Of 10? What would she have said to him? "1-5-3," says Daniele, complete with hand gestures -- because as we learned when Nick sent her that fucking bedazzled letter last week, the two of them are high-school sophomores. In her usual soulless way, Daniele grins and giggles through answering that she kind of wishes she'd never found out that he'd been there, and refuses to tell Julie what "1-5-3" means, which is probably for the best, because it would undoubtedly be extremely queer. Remember when Amber went on Power Of 10 and also sucked? She is ridiculous as always as she says she initially thought that going for $100,000 instead of taking $10,000 was "selfish" (not the same as "greedy" -- could someone please explain that to her?), but that she assumed she was put in that position for a reason -- of course -- and now she has no regrets about the "experience of a lifetime" that apparently taught her a lot. And then, there's a montage of Dick spitting. A viewer wants to know why he spits so much. He doesn't know, or doesn't want to say it's because his mouth tastes foul all the time from his constant smoking. Also because of his general grossness.
And now, a package about Jameka. Her friends and family love her and hate Dick. Her sister has had a baby while Jameka's been in the house, and apparently let CBS in to film said baby when she was about five minutes old; she has that raw, skinned, featureless look of brand-new babies that makes them sooooo creepy, like naked mole rats. But, um. I'm sure she's much cuter now!
After commercials, it's a clips package about Eric! His brothers love Eric, are addicted to the show, and think he's positioned himself well in the game. Alex, Eric's older brother, is in favour of Eric's partnership with Jessica, both for the game and for looooooove. And then, the truth about The Other Woman! Eric and Cheryl went out on and off for four years. A few weeks before he went into the house, he tried to reconcile with her, and she negged him. Bet she regrets that now that he might be a half-millionaire soon! Cheryl has that weird, synthetic look of someone who either has been on a reality show or plans to be soon. Alex confirms that Cheryl is absolutely not Eric's girlfriend. Cheryl cheerfully says she's a little jealous of Eric and Jessica, though she doesn't really seem at all emotional about him. She has a lot in common with Jessica that way.
Speaking of which, time for the HoH chat. Jessica didn't credit Jen's parting shot about Eric's alleged girlfriend; ultimately, she believes Eric. She thinks it took Eric so long to put the moves on her because of the game and the cameras. If it comes down to Jessica and Eric, and Dick and Daniele, in the final four, Jessica will try her best to make sure she isn't the first of the four to get kicked out.
And then the nominees are dancing for their lives. Zach offers an over-rehearsed speech that ties in various notable events in the house to the "Wonderland" theme. Amber, immediately starting to cry, talks about how hard it has been in the house and how rare and unique her relationships with her fellow houseguests have been. Also, she's in a tank top and track pants, which sort of underscores the fact that she's just completely given up.
Voting! Jameka, crying a little, votes to evict Zach.
In his fake-out time, Eric learns that he's completed seventeen of 24 "America's Player" tasks, earning himself $30,000. Not bad.
Dick votes to evict Amber.
And Daniele apparently did the math on how likely it was that any of Amber's grandiose promises would ever pan out, and also votes to evict Amber.
Julie sadistically waits until after the commercials to tell Amber that she's out. Amber has obviously been expecting this and heads for the door with a minimum of fuss. Jameka gets the last and longest hug, and then Amber soggily heads out, leaving Jameka sobbing. Once Amber's gone, the view of the house shows Jameka still crying, and getting hugs from the remaining houseguests. Jameka. Dude. It's Amber.
Chenderdome. Amber says she got voted out because everyone was threatened by her. She blames Eric the most for her eviction because he was playing both sides. Julie awesomely asks how you determine who in the game is good and bad, and Amber mushmouths an answer that encompasses everything from making deals to being rude -- basically, a bad person is anyone who isn't Amber or Jameka. Or maybe the ghost of Nick. Speaking of whom, when Julie asks whether Amber thinks God didn't want her to win Big Brother, Amber actually takes some responsibility, saying that she made a lot of mistakes in the game, like voting Nick out. She further thinks that, in being on TV, she was "shown to the world," so that whether it's her future career as a motivational speaker, or possibly enrollment in nursing school (which would be affected by her short-lived and somewhat shameful TV career...how?), something will come out of this for Amber. Man, I have seen some deluded reality-show contestants before, but Amber seriously makes Jade seem lucid.
Anyway: goodbye messages. Daniele thinks Amber is really nice. Gosh, I'm overwhelmed by all the intense emotion. Zach backs up Amber's story about how her eviction was ordained because she has another destiny yet to come and whatever the fuck, but manages to get through it without cracking up, so well done, sir. Eric spins some bullshit, which Amber doesn't seem to buy. Jessica spins some more bullshit, which ditto. Dick is sorry to see Amber go, but it's just a game. And finally, Jameka, which is when Amber completely loses it, of course. Jameka loves Amber and is going to do everything she can to win for both of them. God, Amber, thank God our time together is over.
HoH competition. Jameka is now on Week 4 of HoH ineligibility. The task is one of those Sisyphean labours: you have to take tea down a greased-up runway to a big fishbowl; if you fill it enough, it'll cause a silver ball to bob up in your fishbowl; once the ball is bobbing high enough for you to be able to get it out of the cover on your fishbowl, you grab it out, and then you win. But in addition to the hazard of the greased-up runway, you have to carry the tea down, one three-ounce teacup at a time. Which, since the fishbowl holds sixteen gallons, it'll be over six hundred trips back and forth to fill them. Which means I'm done! I probably could look up who won by now, but it's 4:14 AM, and, like Amber, I'm about ready to cry myself to sleep.