Previously: Eric was -- you may have heard -- a five-foot-seven Jewish kid with no game. So the show decided to make the America's Player question about who Eric should kiss, the equivalent of suggesting a game of spin the bottle. If any of us cared at all about Eric as a person, I'm sure we'd all be giddy with anticipation as to how this is going to turn out.
The blue-and-white reminds us that Jessica nominated Zach and Amber in a fit of spinelessness. No, I can't expect Jessica to walk right into the Donato tornado just because I don't like them, but maybe at least acknowledge that back-dooring one of them is at least a possibility? In the DR, Zach appears to be genuinely hurt that the understanding he felt he shared with Jessica appears to not exist, while Amber is of the mind that she's safe, and furthermore that worrying about it would just piss God off, so she won't be doing that. Dick and Daniele take turns smugging in the DR about how their alliance looks to be steamrolling, even though Daniele tempers that with her ever-present "people can be such liars and jerks" attitude, just so you know that if there are any plans to get rid of her or her dad, they are borne of meanness and deceit.
Hey, so let's see how Amber's plan of not worrying lest she upset God is going! Well, she's in the DR, crying of course, but also apologizing to God for doing so. We also get the same "God bless you, God" clip we got at the end of Sunday's episode, in case we forgot how dumb that sounded.
In the bathroom, Zach showers while Daniele attempts to make him feel better about his nomination. Zach's worry is that his odds for POV are low because nobody's going to be throwing any veto competitions from here on out. Daniele tells him that even if he doesn't get the veto, that doesn't mean he'll be going home. She doesn't say this definitively; she doesn't tell him that she and Dick and Eric will be voting for Amber so he shouldn't worry, which either means that's not the plan or it's not definitely the plan, but either way, it doesn't seem that Daniele's willing to go beyond coy.
In the HOH, Jess and Eric try to assure Jameka that everything's okay. Jameka DRs that she would hope that Amber isn't the real target and that there's a plan in the works to back-door Daniele, but obviously nobody's telling her that's the case. She takes this info (or lack thereof) to Amber, who seems to be honestly not stressing about it. Jameka's like, "Well obviously if it's you versus Zach, you'll be safe," which on the one hand parallels what Daniele said to Zach, except in this case, Jameka has no basis for thinking that's true, considering D&D hate Amber and Eric already voted Dustin out. I don't get it.
World's Shortest Romance. Jess and Eric lie down on the chairs in the yard and attempt to talk cute. Of course, I'm mostly distracted by how the flood lights in the yard are giving Eric's skin a sickly gray quality, like he ate some bad shrimp earlier. His voice gets all strained and squeaky, which is either his all-purpose "flirty" voice or else he's just trying to match Jessica's vocal pitch so they be operating on the same wavelength, literally. Eric: Flirty, flirty, flirt-flirt. Jess: "Yeah, totally!" (looks away) She "jokes" in the DR that she's going to marry Eric and have his babies. I say "jokes" because the clip is chopped down so tightly, we barely get to see her say it. I'm assuming she's kidding because...come on.
The droning tones of chanting monks must mean it's time for Jameka's Prayer Corner. This week, she's taken to wailing to God at the side of the HOH bed. Nothing quite so good as "Taste God" this time, but you can't expect miracles. Or can you, Jameka? Jess walks in on this scene and thinks Jameka's fallen down and hurt herself. Nope, just praying! Jess is hysterical, not knowing whether it's good or bad that Jameka's weeping on her floor, but mostly trying to get her to not do that anymore. "What are you doing down there, girl??" she squeaks, which totally made me laugh, I'll admit. So Jessica offers Jameka comfort after her traumatic bout of prayer, which...to me, if you need someone to hug you for ten minutes afterwards just so you'll stop weeping, maybe you're doing it wrong. Praying's like sex that way. Jess tells Jameka that even though she may not show it, she's "way into" church. I loved that too: "You may not have known that I'm a churchgoer seeing as I'm not a freak about it." Jess says that she's been quiet about it because there's no church in the BB house and she doesn't feel like she can just make one up on her own. So she's Catholic, I think to myself. And I'm right! J&J attempt to have a deep conversation about the similarities and differences in their respective faiths, but...it's Jess and Jameka, so it stalls out pretty quickly. Almost, girls! Almost a real human conversation!
Zach meets with Jess in the HOH and says he's made peace with his nomination. He's still going to pitch for Dick's or Daniele's elimination, though. He says he knows Jess didn't nominate the both of them because of the hurricane of vile and scary behavior that happened the last time she did that (Jess agrees 100%), but be it fear or blindness or whatever, they're being allowed to pass through the game as an alliance now, and the numbers are getting to the point where two people may be able to run the show soon. More than they're already running the show, is the implication, and isn't that a fucked up notion? Jess vaguely agrees but doesn't really say anything, which is how you know she's totally not going to make a move, no matter how many times she says she'd like to in the DR.
Afterwards, Zach gives Eric a celebratory hug (which becomes a celebratory one-armed lift three feet off the ground, because Eric is wee and Zach apparently doesn't know his own strength), which makes Daniele suspicious that Jess and Eric might have a side deal with Zach. They would if they were smart, hon. That night (maybe), Daniele shares her fears with Dick. They decide that while she may not have a side deal with Zach or Amber, she probably has one with Jameka, which is why Eric so desperately wanted to win the veto, so Jess wouldn't have to choose between one deal (D&D) and another (Jameka). The fact that they're 100% correct doesn't make them suck any less. Dick decides that they have to get rid of Jessica. Which perfectly illustrates the foolishness of making "safe" nominations that won't piss anyone off. Jessica failing to target D&D like she should have clearly hasn't bought her a free pass with them. It's merely turned Zach (and probably Amber, if she gets voted off) against her. Not smart.
America's Player. Eric has to kiss...Jessica. Which we already saw him do, albeit in the least hot manner imaginable. Eric whoops it up in the DR and exclaims, "The American people...they're taking great care of me!" That ellipsis there? Is where Eric almost allowed himself to say "love me," before he pulled the emergency brake, realizing how much of a tool that would make him. more so than he already is, understand. You'd think, having already crossed this bridge, that this would be a piece of cake for Eric, but you underestimate just how much of a nervous little rodent he is. So once again, he disinfects the hell out of his mouth before gingerly approaching Jessica in the DR and essentially asking Jessica if she would give him a kiss. And so she does -- a peck on the lips that even the caption-makers say is "barely" accomplishing his task. Hot summer romance in the Big Brother house, y'all!
Amber comes to the HOH to beg Eric to use the veto on her, though she dances around the actual asking part. She just cries and says she doesn't know what Dick and Daniele are capable of -- which is exactly the wrong argument, considering fear of what Dick is capable of is what's keeping Eric and Jess from targeting them in the first place. Amber does acknowledge that she's a threat because "nobody wants to sit to me in the final two." Because...they'll get splashed with your tears during the endless finale? Surely it's not because Amber would win a jury vote against any of these jokers. Because she won't. Eric, like Jess with Zach, won't commit to anything. Jessica bops into the room and Amber leaves, which allows Jess and Eric to talk strategy for real. Jess is very worried about the D&D threat, while Eric -- scared shitless of going against America or Dick, not that there's much of a distinction there, this season -- stresses loyalty. Eric! Stresses loyalty! Jessica rightly calls bullshit, saying they were loyal to Dustin, too. As has been the case any time Eric has employed bad strategy in the game, Jessica suspects he may have a secret agenda. She DRs if he was really loyal to her, he'd use the veto.
Veto ceremony. Eric bullshits in the DR that he has "compelling options" to maybe use the veto, when we all know there is no way in hell he's crossing Dick again. Amber and Daniele both tells us that Eric could very well do anything, since they can't trust him one bit. Zach figures back-dooring Daniele is the smart play, which is both convenient for him and also correct. In the end, despite some unconvincing fakery, Eric chooses...not to use the veto. All of a sudden, DR Amber thinks this makes Eric power-hungry, evil, and soulless. And circumcised! ...That's where she was going with that, right? Jess DRs that disagreeing with your only alliance partner in the game is rough, while Eric blames his spinelessness on us, because we voted to have Amber nominated. Weak, dude. Weak, weak, weak.