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Sunday
George has James and Erika on the block, and he wants James to go home. But when James wins veto, the scrambling begins. Mike strains to get Janelle nominated, while Will offers to go up himself. Since he forgets to tell Mike, Mike winds up strong-arming George with vague allusions to the mysterious power that he may or may not now hold. Since George has decided that Janelle's ability to win competitions somehow makes it unfair to nominate her, he sees no choice but to nominate Howie. Howie is shocked -- shocked! -- to find that people in this game sometimes tell lies, so when he's unexpectedly booted, he tries to get Mike into a fist fight. Mike stays out of it, but he makes just as big a boob out of himself as he would have if they'd started punching each other. Before the HoH competition, I have this weird dream that everyone gets hit in the face with pies by little people dressed as gnomes, and when I wake up, it turns out that's the HoH competition. It comes down to Janelle and Mike, and when she gets a big old pie in the face, it turns out that Mike is HoH.
Tuesday
So Mike is HoH, and he nominates Janelle and James, looking a little like he's not sure what he hopes will happen. Of course, by the time veto rolls around, Will has decided Janelle should stay and James should go home, so the competition is thrown to Janelle, after a slapfight in which she does indeed act overly aggressive, only to turn out to be overly aggressive about the wrong doll, rendering James's whining that he was cheated rather ineffectual and stupid, as the editors show you 400 times, as required by the Janelle-Pimping Agreements under which the entire show is operating. Janelle manages to get all bitchy about James whining, which is pretty amazing given that the show starts off with her endless weepfest after Howie's eviction, solved only by Will telling her that she's a princess, which makes it all better. Then she gets into an alliance with George, about whom she was spreading hateful bullshit about a week ago. ANYWAY. Janelle wins veto, and George goes up, and Will still doesn't believe nobody's figuring out what he's up to, but indeed, nobody is.
Thursday
With James and George on the block, Will decides to make his move to get rid of James, and Danielle is way beyond unhappy. In fact, Danielle appears to be cracking up a bit as the days go on. Will and Mike are busy trying to figure out whether Janelle or Erika will be easier to manipulate, while George is just quietly hoping for the best. When it comes time for the eviction, James goes out 3-1, and he reacts with surprisingly decent sportsmanship, considering everything else that's happened. He's a little too insistent in the Chenterview that everybody else screwed him first, but he certainly handles everything better than Howie did. Speaking of Howie, he joins Marcellas at sequester house, and wackiness ensues. Erika takes home the HoH competition, and since she's presumably not going to have to hand this one over to Janelle, she seems set to make her nominations. Danielle is on the warpath against Will and Mike for booting James, and Erika seems to have developed that bond with Chicken George as well. So what will she do? Hard to say, but my money is on this being the beginning of the end of Will and Mike -- particularly Will, given that Mike is beginning to let fly a few comments suggesting that what he'd really like to do is be the one to send Will home. Nothing personal, of course. Just business. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
What I love about Big Brother is Will. Will, Will, Will. And also: Will.
Sunday
In case you've forgotten, George became HoH, and he nominated Erika and James. And we're losing somebody tonight. Doesn't it all feel like this happened one billion years ago? It's like this show happens in dinosaur time. Only life forms are becoming less and less sophisticated by the day. Soon, none of us will be able to grasp a pencil.
One other bit of business: I feel like every time I say we "lose" someone from the house, the word "lose" dies a little bit. Feelings of loss feel a feeling of loss, you know what I'm saying? I will try to think of something else.
Tonight, even though it's Sunday, Julie Chen welcomes us, wearing a silky print camisole and black pants. I'm not sure why I always feel obligated to document what Julie is wearing, but I kind of do. It used to be a sort of Crazy-O-Meter, but now, it's more like it just reminds me that she has no control over her environment. She didn't pick that top or the contestants, so I try not to blame her. I'm sure she's also disoriented by being on my TV on a Sunday. She's usually sitting at home watching the live feeds and eating an ice-cream sandwich right about now. (Don't you think she and Les eat ice-cream sandwiches? I totally do. Ice-cream sandwiches, Katie Couric on the news, and a big tankard of champagne. That's the life I'd be living, if I had the resources.)
Julie tells us that George is almost done being HoH, because of the double eviction. It's so sad that George waited so long to be HoH, and it lasted, like, five minutes. George barely had time to adjust to the ugliness of his room. Julie looks very concerned as she explains the way George had to make his nominations so fast, and then we revisit the eviction of Marcellas in blue and white. Marcellas! See what I mean about dinosaur time? Wasn't Marcellas evicted years ago, back when frogs had vestigial wings?
Janelle tells us that she had no idea Marcellas was leaving. "These people are...liars!" she says with surprise. "They say they're going to do one thing, and then they do the complete opposite!" She is speaking here of Will and Mike. Both of whom, you'll remember, lied the entire time they were on this show previously. One of whom frequently talks about how lying openly is the only strategy that works. And yet, Janelle looks like she had no idea this was going to happen, or even that it could happen. "I feel like a frickin' idiot," she says.
"Marcellas is a little ho," Mike announces in the DR, while wearing his stupid little orange fedora, or whatever that thing is. Who buys a hat like that in safety orange? I can't imagine how you'd justify owning that, unless you go hunting frequently and don't want to be mistaken for...a deer in a Robin Hood costume, I suppose. Mike brags about how Marcellas went out tacky, and he's happy to be "the orchestrator of [Marcellas's] demise." And then Howie decides to get in on the action. "Marci did one of his diva little bitchy things," he agrees with disdain. Ravens circle overhead, dragging a long banner that reads, "WELCOME IRONY TO HOWIE CON '06."
In color, it is Day 46 in the house, and Danielle is all weepy as she and Erika hug. In the DR, Danielle talks about how people looked Marcellas right in the face and lied. Lied! She is shocked. Shocked! But at the same time, she says she did the same, with the lying and then the booting, and she hopes Marcellas understands. It's not like it's outside the realm of possibility. It just depends on how he decides it all reflects on him. I'm sure that if Marcellas can find a way to congratulate himself for it, he'll forgive her. We see Danielle in the bedroom, weeping away as James and his white dinner jacket comfort her. See, this is still the prom, and she's that girl who cries in the ladies' room all night. You can't have the prom without that girl, of course. Later, Danielle looks like hell in the DR as she and her pink robe explain how she hopes she'll be forgiven, because "it was game." Apparently, even though everyone is sequestered, she still decided she needed to make a spectacle of being the opposite of the smug snottyface she was last time around.
James goes into a bedroom, leaving Danielle to sniffle on her own while he meets with Janelle and Howie. Janelle wants to know what went wrong and how Marcellas wound up being bounced. I'm not sure why Janelle is surprised if Howie had enough notice that he wound up voting for Marcellas himself. If this was the first Janelle knew that Marcellas was going, how did Howie know to vote him out instead of Erika? James says he "found out how everyone was voting." Janelle wants to know how he found out. "Because I do that," he explains in an impatient whisper. You'd think Janelle could put her feather boa down somewhere along here, wouldn't you? But she still clings to it like it's her lovey as she stomps around the house while voicing over from the DR that she had a "bad, bad HoH week." She insists that she was "screwed by the entire house." So she says that now, she's going to "do what [she] want[s]," and nobody's going to push her around. Certainly not Will, no sirree. She's a free agent. With a boa. Maybe two!
We are reminded in blue and white of Geroge's HoH victory. He tells us in the DR that he can't believe he got the victory. I think he probably doesn't even mind that he's going to be HoH for about thirty seconds. In the DR, Danielle can't believe she lost to George. It's kind like a Colbert-ian "I lost to Barry Manilow!" thing, which is officially the last time you will hear me compare Chicken George and Barry Manilow. Janelle says that she was happy the HoH was George instead of Danielle; Erika says the precise opposite. Erika remains convinced George is smarter than he looks. Danielle promises us that she didn't throw the competition, and would have no reason to want George for HoH. She says George is "the most scariest" person playing right now. "You know why?" she asks, and then she rearranges herself and looks directly into the camera. "Nobody knows what he's doing." That, actually, is a good point. Probably overthinking, but a good point. George really is another example of one of those people on a vote-out show -- similar to Lydia, Rudy, and Cirie -- who last past an early threat or two, and then you turn around and they've hung around for another ten weeks. And then it's the finale, and all your shows are ending at the same time, and every finale is like six hours long, and...okay, that might just apply to me.
We are also reminded of the James and Erika nominations, and of how unhappy George was that he had to make them right away. For one thing, he was deprived of his suck-up time, which is one of the major advantages of being HoH in the first place. You wouldn't want to be the ambassador to Bermuda if they changed the rules so you had to live at a landlocked Motel 6. George DRs that nominating James was easy, but not so much nominating Erika. He says the "true target" is, of course, James. Danielle claims that the nominations surprised everyone, because the rest of the house wants Janelle or Howie out, so she's not sure what George could have been thinking. James says that he's guessing George nominated him because he nominated George. Fair enough. Erika wants to talk to George and figure out what the deal is, because she's not sure what this is all supposed to be accomplishing. "Who's the target?" she wonders. It's so interesting to me that everyone assumes now that you nominate one person you want out, and one person you think other people won't vote against. I think there was a time when people saw the second nomination as a chance to put up another person you'd like to see out, instead of a chance to control which one went. Pawns are the rule now, I guess.
Erika and George go into the red bedroom. He immediately tells her that he had no choice but to nominate James. "I owed him," he says. I'm not sure why he believes that Erika's agenda at this point would be to ask why he nominated James. George goes on to tell Erika that he doesn't want her out; he wants her to stay. He repeats that the idea is to get rid of James. Erika is not pleased to be on the block again, I'm sure, but she shrugs it off.
In another bedroom, James is not so mellow. "It's on, fat man," he says. When Howie wanders in, James says, "Dude, your Jedi alliance-mate, he's a goner." Howie claims not to understand what George is doing. "He's got two days of power, and then his ass is mine," James intones. Those two guys -- they sure do have the place wired! Gonna be a big power week for Howie and James! George is going to regret this!
Mike, Danielle, and James then chat in the exercise room, and Mike says that it was the worst possible thing to have George do nominations right away, because they didn't get a chance to talk to him. As you know, once Mike works on you, you're his for life. Especially if you are a fungus. Which I'm sure you aren't. Mike says in the DR that George is a "wild card," and what he might do is hard to predict. In the gym, Mike tells James and Danielle that they might be able to get George to nominate Janelle in the event they can get someone vetoed off the block, which is happening practically every week now, after all. Danielle doesn't understand why George would do that, and James tells her they ought to threaten him with James's very own wrath by assuring him that James isn't going, but will instead stay and turn his anger on George. I love the idea of a skinny dude who looks like he's in tenth grade being like, "Tell him I'll kick his ass!" Especially when he's saying it about an old guy who will, in all likelihood, be wearing a sombrero or possibly underpants on his head at the time he receives this warning.
I'll pause and give you time to develop that mental image.
Anyway, Danielle says no; George will never put up Janelle. James persists, suggesting that they tell George the whole house wanted Janelle out. Danielle does admit in the DR that a "back-dooring" of Janelle would be a great development, much as she generally abhors such tactics, because "then she's done." But I think Danielle knows that that's probably not going to happen, and that's why she keeps trying to shoot this down before it even gets started.
Later, George invites everyone to see the HoH room. You may be expecting that it would be filled with chickens or oversized shoes or t-shirts with slogans about farting, but in fact, the room is lime green and lemon yellow. Mike says it was a "throwback '70s thing." "Is this what your bedroom looked like in the '70s?" Will asks George, and George laughs. George tells us that it reminded him of Austin Powers. And he loves Austin Powers. Aw, that's so cute. And...random. Howie tells George that his daughters are "hot." "I know, Howie, I know," George says warily. I think having Howie admire the hotness of your daughters is right up there with having the IRS write you a card all, "Nice safe-deposit box." George says that the letters from his family were really great, and they made him feel like it was all right for him to stay and play the game. It makes me crazy when these people act like they worry about leaving their families, when in fact, if they didn't want to leave their families, they didn't have to. I'm going to get myself a sign that reads "REALITY TELEVISION ISN'T THE ARMY," and I'm going to pace up and down in front of different L.A. bars until I've worked it into the local vernacular.
Later, Janelle and Howie have their meeting to pressure George, presumably about what he should do in case of a veto. They claim that they saved him from the block last week, which is...not what I recall, except in the narrow sense that they allowed themselves to be talked out of putting him up. Howie wants to know whether George will put up one of the two of them if James or Erika comes off the block. Janelle DRs that George wants the nominations not to change, and that she told him that if she wins the veto, she won't take anyone off. "For once, I feel safe. It's just really bizarre," she says. Ultimately, George tells them that he won't go after either of them. He either has a terrible inability to say no to anyone, or he's the best bullshit artist of all time. I can't tell if he's the Rain Man of this show, or if he's...sort of riding the bus with his sister, if you see what I mean.
Back from commercials, George, wearing a yellow feather boa and thus looking particularly chicken-y, pulls everyone into the living room to pick players for the veto competition. The players, in addition to George, James, and Erika, are Howie, Danielle, and Will. Mike says that he was happy that Janelle wasn't going to be able to compete for the veto, so it seemed likely that they'd be able to get somebody vetoed and get her out.
Mike has a chat with George upstairs in HoH before the competition. He asks George to consider what the house as a whole really wants. George says that they want James out. Mike says no, no -- he wants George to think bigger. Longer-term. You know...blonder. What does the house really want? He also tells George that Janelle did not keep George from going up -- Will, James, and Mike kept him from going up. George looks confused, although that could be cut in from almost anywhere. Mike says that if Howie doesn't win the veto, this would be a great opportunity to get rid of Janelle. He reminds George that there aren't that many veto competitions left that Janelle won't play in, so opportunities to throw her out are likely to be limited. He also promises George "a free pass to the back of the line" as far as being nominated, should he put up Janelle and get her out. Presumably that would be the "back of the line" after himself and Will at the very least, and probably Erika, as well, and maybe Danielle, making George more...somewhere in the middle of the line. George says that he'll think about it.
And now, it's time for the veto competition. The backyard is all decked out with gnomes in a fake forest. "There's three things I hate in life," Will says emphatically in the diary room. "Robot clowns, baby corn, and freaky little gnomes." That's really upsetting. I've never even thought to be afraid of robot clowns, but...I think I am. Essentially, this game -- even harder to explain than most -- involves being stuck to one spot and having to fashion some kind of grabbing/pulling device that will allow you to fetch a bag that's hanging on a stump a few feet away. (If this is reminding you of Friends, and of the poking device to see if Ugly Naked Guy was still alive, you aren't wrong.) You will make your device out of a bunch of props from recent competitions -- balls, flamingoes, spatulas, hula hoops, and so forth. And you have a roll of tape to put everything together. When you retrieve your bag, it will contain a key that will unlock you, and then you'll be done.
Everyone takes various things and starts to tape them together to make something useful. Howie says he was "pretty confident" he would win the veto. And the answer is no, there's no reason for you to believe Howie is any more self-aware than usual, given the quality of his work. Danielle tells us she was always bad at arts and crafts, even in "kindy-garden," so she's not so sure. Ultimately, James does a fairly ingenious thing with his golf club, hula hoop, and spatula that allows him to grab his bag with some precision. He unlocks himself and wins the veto. "Y'all go to hay-ull, bitches," he says as he finishes the task. Janelle does her best game-show-hostess routine as she hands him the veto medal. James tells us that if he vetoes himself, there's a shot at George putting up Janelle. "I have to go for it," he says.
James has a tense, smugness-driven conversation with George upstairs in the HoH, in which he assures George that unlike Marcellas, he will be using the veto to save himself. He impatiently asks if George wants to say anything about possible replacement nominees. James calls his a "very important decision," and tells us in the DR that he hopes George will make a big play. He tells George that it's a chance to find out what he can do. Erika comes to talk to George . She tells him that the time has come for him to take on an ally. Specifically, she's thinking of...herself! He asks her whether it would be the safest thing for her if he put up Janelle. "Janelle or Howie, for sure," she says. George says he's willing to make a deal with Erika. "From now on, I'll work with you," he says. "You've got yourself a deal," she says. "Done." They shake on it. He tells Erika that the game really sucks, and she gives him one of the most awkward hugs I've ever seen. She looks like she's hugging a statue made of rotten meat as part of a challenge on Fear Factor.
Mike pays a visit to the HoH . George says in the DR that this was like "the principal's office," what with everyone coming and going all day. I say we give everyone a detention, George. Detention! For everyone! Mike, of course, is still pushing Janelle as a replacement nominee, telling George that the HoH competition will sit much more easily without her. George says that he knows what he has to do, but this appears to mean he has absolutely no idea what to do. Then Will comes up, and he tells George that he has "an unconventional suggestion." He says, "You could put me up, and then everyone would send Erika out." Will grins as he says this, but George doesn't want this kind of complication. "What are you doing, Doctor?" he asks with his head in his hands. I think George prefers not to operate on four levels of trickery, because he gets a headache. Will tells George that he thinks this is the best way to keep Janelle and Danielle fighting with each other, which is good for everyone else. Will DRs that getting George to put him up could be a great move, and if it doesn't work, at least he'd leave by his own doing.
Later, George chats with Janelle and Howie. He tells Janelle that everyone, including James, wants her out. But he also says that he just wouldn't feel right about that. Somehow, it goes against his principles. This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Because she's good at competitions, it's immoral to nominate her? Dude. Not getting nominated is already your reward for winning competitions. She already got her due for all those times that she won competitions in dumpster-diving and trivia. This entire thing makes absolutely no sense to me. In effect, he's saying that trying to eliminate a good player is wrong, meaning that competing is against his principles, meaning that I don't understand why he's here. There's no "principle" that says if someone is a good pitcher, you don't try to get a hit out of respect. It's ridiculous. He goes on to get even weirder by telling Janelle and Howie that in return for not putting her up, he wants to align himself with them. Without very many choices, they obviously agree to this arrangement. He also says that they have to do one other thing, which is to promise to vote to "keep Erika in the house." In other words, I guess, they have to promise that whoever else he puts up, they'll vote that person out. "Are you going to try to sell me out, Georgie, or no?" Howie asks. George says no, and repeats that everybody wants Janelle out. Janelle agrees to vote to keep Erika. "Of course me and Howie are going to say anything; our asses are on the line," she says in the DR, as if it's completely obvious that she would tell George whatever he wanted to hear, whether it was true or not. I love how people like Janelle and Marcellas get all pouty and appalled when anyone lies to them, but they'll tell you in the DR quite freely that they say whatever they have to in order to protect themselves. Of course! What's inconsistent about that, right?
Sigh.
Now, Erika pays George another visit, and she wants to know what he's thinking he's going to do about the replacement nominee. "You don't want to know," he says. She tells him that she does, too, want to know, and now they have their whole pinky-swear thing going with the Hug of Awkwardness. What gives, baby? Why don't you give me some love? George swears Erika to secrecy. Then: "I'm going to put Will up," he tells her. Erika freaks. She knows immediately that if Will goes up, she'll go home, and she's right. George tells her that he has secured the votes to keep her. I think George sees it playing out like this: the votes would be Mike, James, Danielle, Howie, and Janelle. He figures he can't get Mike or James, but Danielle won't boot Erika, and he just got Howie and Janelle to promise they wouldn't boot her either. So he sees three votes to get rid of Will. Will! See what just happened? Unassuming George, who everyone treats as inert and dumb and incapable of doing anything notable in the game, is officially the first person to put together a real, genuine plan designed to get rid of Will. No, Chicken George is the first person to move against Will. He is! Erika is gravely concerned. She tells George that Howie and Janelle will say anything to save themselves, and she also says that Janelle will never vote out Will. "She loves him; she's in love with him." George says that he's going to take a bath and think about it. That's where I do my best thinking, too. A lot of times, I think about calling in sick to work.
Erika goes to talk to Mike and Danielle in the red room. "He's thinking of putting up Will," she says, immediately breaking her promise to George not to tell anyone what he's thinking. "WHAT?" asks a shocked and angry Mike. He is baffled at the fact that he isn't getting what he wants. "Why in the world...you have the whole house telling you one thing; you have Beauty and the Beast telling you another. I mean, do the math, dude." Okay, I'll take a shot. There are eight people in the house. Of those people, two (Mike and Erika) have argued to put up Howie or Janelle. Two (Howie and Janelle) have argued to do something else. James was cagey, and Will suggested himself. "The whole house" didn't tell him one thing; two people did. That's not the "whole house." Danielle says that George would have been out if not for Will and Mike getting Marcellas put up instead. "Does he understand that?" she asks. I'm not sure why that matters at all. "The fact that Chicken George is protecting Janelle and Howie annoyed me on many levels," Mike says in the DR. I know just how he feels about being annoyed on many levels; my annoyance with him is beginning to look like one of those jars with layers of colored sand. On the bottom is his name, and then his taste in music, and then his shirts, and then his attitude, and then his smile, and then his hats, and...you can see what I mean. Erika reminds Mike not to let on that she told about this idea, because she promised George she wouldn't. "But I will remind him that you reap what you sow," Mike says, not wanting to give up on the one saying he has now committed to memory. I have to tell you, someday I will provide more detail, but it turns out that this one saying is more than Trash knows. If you ever meet her, get her to tell you the story where the punch line is "A wolf in Grandpa's sheepskin rubber." I still think I may have been Punk'd with that one.
James contemplates the wall of photos as he tells us that the only person with anything to decide right now is George. He says that he hopes George will put up Janelle so they can get rid of her.
Later, as everyone sits around the red room waiting for the veto meeting, Mike decides to start some shit. He says that he's just going to come right out and say that if George is thinking of putting up Will, Mike isn't going to let his game "be sacrificed" by not saying anything. Erika's, of course, is a different story. Mike goes on to say that he'd like to know why George would nominate Will. Mike says in the DR that George is highly suggestible, and that he hoped to be the last person to talk to George before the ceremony. George goes on to present his absurd argument that it's "not fair" to nominate Janelle when she's played so well. Again, this is facially ridiculous, and makes no sense unless you believe competition itself is unethical. Being nominated is part of the game just as much as competing in HoH or veto competitions, and it makes no sense to offer a free pass on one part of the game as a reward for playing another part well. You can decide to do that, but it has nothing to do with being "fair," and it certainly has nothing to do with principle. There's no principle that says, or could logically say, that. I'm uneasy with the fact that I'm becoming the poster child for arguing in favor of the irrelevance of integrity, but you can't fight the moonlight, you know? Mike says that there's a whole room full of possible nominees -- why Will? "I figure the doctor's the best player in the game," George says, choosing not to go with "he told me to." "I'm flattered," Will says to Mike.
Will now explains that he did indeed go to George last night and ask to be nominated. As he puts it, his mistake was that he "forgot to tell Mike Boogie." He says that Mike is very protective of him, and didn't take the news well that he might be nominated. It's bullshit that Will "forgot" to tell him, of course. Will would never "forget" to mention that. What happened is that Will didn't want to tell Mike that he did anything so obviously calculated to get rid of Erika, because Will isn't quite admitting to Mike yet that their interests have diverged, and he'd like to get Mike's closest ally other than himself out of the house. He's happy to have Mike think that they're all united in trying to get rid of Will's closest ally instead. It's also bullshit that Mike was just being "protective." He certainly doesn't want to be put in the position of choosing between Erika and Will and showing his hand. Everybody following? Good. I barely am.
Anyway, in front of everyone in the red room (except James, who is currently filming the shots of himself ponderously looking at the "memory wall"), Mike tells George that he should pay Will back a little better for being the one who saved George's ass last week. Will cuts in, saying that he will gladly take all the blame for getting Janelle to nominate Marcellas. "But it was to save Boogie, and it was to save Chicken George," Will claims. Yipes. It's getting deep in here. It also feels strange having everyone sitting around together talking about who's trying to vote out who. George turns to Howie. "Howie, what do you have to say?" Howie thinks. You can tell, because you can faintly hear clanking. "I don't know. I think we've covered everything," Howie says. Now, Mike moves on to his strategy, because he points out to George what Julie said about there being a power that's major and serious and game-changing and so forth, and while he's not (ahem) confirming or denying who has it, George might want to consider whether he really wants to take it on, whatever it might be. I think that's a very good argument, and probably the best one Mike has. For all George knows, it's an instant eviction of the person of your choice, you know? Why make waves at this point?
James gathers the group in the living room for the veto ceremony. But first! George shuts himself in the room for a minute with just Danielle and Erika, and he asks them about changing course and nominating Howie. "Do it," they both say. "Do it." With that, they all shuffle off to the incredibly important ritual they are currently missing. When the ceremony gets underway, James promptly vetoes himself and tells George to pick a replacement nominee. George stands up. He reminds everyone of the talk they all had in the bedroom thirty seconds ago, and he says that he's glad Mike said what he did. He realizes that Mike and Will helped save him last week. He says that he won't put up Janelle because she "played the game very well." Let's not revisit the stupidity of that theory, but there it is. He also won't nominate Danielle. Therefore, taking the nomination this time around is...Howie. Howie immediately becomes so seethingly enraged that it looks like he might jump up and choke George. "You want to listen to the people that tried to sell your ass out last week?" Howie snaps. And then he says --hilariously and filled with absolute confidence -- this: "Well, they're impossibly outnumbered." I'm not even following who "they" are or who "outnumbers" them, even in the topsy-turvy world that is Howie's head. "It's a free week for me, Georgie," Howie taunts. "A free week." Howie becomes the latest in a long string of people taking credit for saving George last week, but he finds a grammatically creative way to do it: "I was probably one of the most motivational reasons for it." That needs, like, four [sic]s. Howie adds to the confusion by saying that George's "allies" attempted to "sell [him] under the bus last week." So now we're selling people under the bus? Are we setting up shop? Right there under the bus? And then we're selling people? It sure doesn't sound good. You'd feel objectified, and you'd also suck in a lot of exhaust. "Will doesn't count," Howie says, still going for a schoolyard-taunt tone. "He'll never win an HoH. We'll keep our three intact," he vows. "The joke's on them this week, Georgie. The joke is on them." James adjourns the meeting.
Will and Janelle yank Howie into the red room for a talking-to about his stupid speech, in which he lectured that he has the numbers on his side. "Why did you say that?" Janelle asks. Will points out that this tells Danielle that Will and Mike are aligned with S6. How this goes with Howie's weird thing about "Will doesn't count," I do not know. I'm not sure Howie knows either. Howie wants to know if he has Will's vote, and Will assures him that he does. Howie says that in that case, there's nothing to worry about, so it doesn't matter what his speech was like. Janelle tells him to "settle down." Heh. Will DRs that Howie is not helping himself by campaigning for votes -- instead, he should be letting Janelle handle it. "He's doing a horrible job, and it might be his downfall," Will says. I never really thought of anyone doing a horrible job of being nominated, but if anyone can, for sure, it's Howie. Howie insists to Will and Janelle that he can now "personally attack" George for lying, as if the freedom to make personal attacks offers some strategic advantage that he will now be able to exploit. He's going right to the top, baby! And how? By attacking everyone who's going to be on the jury! Woooo! Will winds up telling Howie to stop yelling at people, and also winds up teasing Janelle for being unable to control her alliance members.
Howie goes and finds Mike, again asking for his vote and again being assured that he has it. Mike offers up "bros before hos." I think it's safe to say that, speaking on behalf of all of us hos, we really don't mind if Howie and Mike just go off together and forget all about us, frankly. In the DR, Howie says that with James and Janelle voting for him, he only needs Will or Mike, and since they both told him they'd vote for him, he should be fine. You can tell he's a little anxious about it, though. Howie puts Mike through another round of "bros before hos" in the gym. In an interview, Mike points out that it's basically impossible to win the game and not lie the whole time. I think that's probably true, even though he's the one saying it.
Now, an extremely weird exercise-room meeting follows between Will, Mike, and James, in which Will and James talk about the possibility of voting out Erika. Howie stands at the door, maybe overhearing and maybe not, as the three of them talk about the relative merits of Howie versus Erika. Howie's weak, but he's with Janelle. Erika is stronger, but she's harder to predict. Will tells James that if he wants Howie out, he need to join them in voting that way. James says no -- he'll immediately be exposed if he does that. Will says in the DR that they genuinely aren't sure what they should do, and he still doesn't know what's going to happen. I wish he would stop wearing t-shirt sleeves on his head. It makes him much harder to defend.
Now, Julie is here again, with Howie and Erika sitting in the nomination chairs. First, Julie asks whether the person with the coup wants to use it -- if so, stand up. There is no standing. So now, we will move on to the voting. Danielle goes into the DR. She votes to evict Howie. James votes to evict Erika. Janelle votes to evict Erika. Will votes to evict Howie. Mike votes to evict...Howie. Back in the living room, Julie says that by a vote of 3-2, Howie is evicted. Howie sits stunned for a few seconds, and then he gets up to hug James and Erika. He hugs George, and then sarcastically says, "Your word's pretty good around here." He hugs Janelle, telling her to win it for the team. Whatever, loser, you're already gone. He hugs Danielle. As he goes by Mike, Mike starts to apologize, and Howie grabs his hat and flings it away, telling Mike he's a "sellout." Whoa. It's like that moment at a party where the drunk guy who was singing "Margaritaville" five minutes ago suddenly gets really pissed off and breaks the coffee table.
Mike starts sarcastically applauding Howie's "class move," but George misses the point and starts clapping also. It's always sad when sarcastic clapping is inadvertently mixed with real clapping. It's hard to watch, this whole thing. "Another class act leaves the Big Brother house," Mike declares. The appointment of Mike as the arbiter of what is classy strikes me as darkly amusing, particularly considering that he's wearing orange crop pants at the time. Howie turns from the door and comes back toward Mike, going chest to chest with him and saying, "Do it to my face. Lie to me. Little punk." James comes over and physically pulls Howie away from Mike, gently and without saying anything, as Mike starts to say, "Get to steppin'. Get to steppin'." God, how old is he? How old is that expression? "What are you going to do about it?" Howie asks angrily. "There's twenty people standing outside the door," Mike says in disbelief, wondering whether Howie actually intends to start a fist fight over his eviction. My favorite part is that Mike has provoked Howie on purpose, precisely because he knows there are twenty people outside. Mike is a puss, and he never would have done this in a setting where Howie could deck him, which is why it's at the forefront of his mind. Howie insists that he can take Mike "any day of the week." Well, any day where there aren't producers everywhere. He also goes on to tell Mike, dead seriously, that he will "knock [him] on [his] ass" once they're outside the house. Howie really should not do that. You don't actually threaten to assault people, dude. Especially not a guy like this, because somebody is bound to beat the shit out of him sooner or later, and now you're just setting yourself up to be blamed. Mike goes back to sarcastically applauding and saying "class act," and Howie says "kiss my ass." That is pretty classy. "You got...Chill Town's word is as good as gold," Howie spits. "Get a life, Howie. Go get a life, dog," Mike says. Or, I guess, he says "dawg." Wow. I don't think I've ever seen a pair of dorks have such a spirited debate over who's stupider.
Howie exits the house and comes over to Julie. Inside the house, Janelle stands off by herself. We return to the conversation with Julie, who wants to know about the flipping out. Howie tells her that he doesn't mind losing at a sport like "badminton" (...badminton?), but he thinks that even in a game, you shouldn't lie, or he takes it personally. Fortunately, there's no lying in badminton. I'm thinking this is maybe not the game for him any more than it was the game for Kaysar, if that's the case. Howie looks sweaty and nervous. Julie asks about George, and about the fact that he put Howie up. Howie says that he likes George, but that George felt "threatened" by Mike. That seems like overkill to me. I think George was certainly pressured, but I don't see how it's any different from any other time that people try to coerce the outcome they want by saying bad things will happen if something else is done. I mean, Mike only "threatened" to vote George out, and that doesn't really qualify as a "threat" in my book. Unlike, for instance, what Howie just did with Mike.
When we come back, it's time for the HoH competition. In the backyard, we have more "gnomes," only these are actually little people in costume. Now I'm not going to make calls about what's appropriate and what's not, and I don't mean to be a killjoy, but it seems to me that this is not the most respectful way I've ever seen little people treated. I'm not sure that, for instance, the whole Munchkinland thing is considered a high point in cultural sensitivity. Like I said, I'm not in charge of "okay" and "not okay," but this somehow...well. Whatever. At any rate, the houseguests all have to put their heads through a hole in a board, and then answer true/false questions. If you think it's true, you put your head through one hole. If you think it's false, you put your head through the other hole. If you're wrong, a gnome will hit you in the face with a pie. That does not add to the dignity factor. On the other hand, one of the gnomes is African-American, so maybe they're trying to be ethnically diverse and sensitive, like on Survivor.
First question: PoV has been used four times. That's false. Danielle, Erika, and James go out. The gnomes all high-five. Total frames of memorabilia in the house equals nine. That's also false. Will goes out. So, we are down to Mike and Janelle. Third question: The third key on move-in day was for Diane. That would be false. Mike gets it right, and Janelle goes out. So now, we have Mike as HoH, and he is immediately mobbed by an extremely relieved Danielle and Erika. Will dabs pie off of Janelle's face. Julie tells us to return on Tuesday, and we are out. Danielle is having herself a fine time dancing with the gnomes, that's for sure.
Tuesday
We begin with a reminder of the blue-and-white eviction of Howie, which is no prettier than it was a few paragraphs ago. James says that it was sad to see Howie go, and he claims that Howie went home for trusting Mike and Will. I'm not sure that's true at all. I think he was surprised by his eviction because he trusted Mike and Will, but I think he was going home anyway. Janelle says that Howie was lied to (horrors!), and that people who were her friends before are her "enemies" now. If this shocked discovery that Mike and Will cannot be trusted sounds familiar to you, it's probably because it's exactly the same thing she said at the beginning of the last episode. Every time she gets blindsided, she dislikes it more than the last time she got blindsided exactly the same way, you know? That side should probably be getting a little less blind now, is the thing.
In color, it is Day 51. Mike tells Erika he didn't expect Howie to be such a "sore loser." He low-fives Will, but Will is thinking about something else: "I think Howie is going to regret what he did," Will says. I think that of all the things that there are about this game that are stupid, one of the few that really bothers Will is when people allow themselves to take the game personally to the point where they would do something dumb and self-destructive like what Howie just did. Will reiterates in the DR that he did tell Howie he was safe, and it was a lie, but that people who claim they can win the game without lying...are lying. In the DR, George comments on how surprising it is that the apprentice from the Jedi alliance "light-sabers the master." I could have done without a return to that dynamic, but it's true; I think George was the last person Howie recognized as a threat. Oh, and it's interesting that the post-production people are so thoroughly asleep at the switch that George is labeled on the screen, "Will: Big Brother 2." Somebody is looking at George through Will-colored glasses. I wonder how much those cost. If I could go into, say, the bank, and everyone I saw would look like Will Kirby? I'd buy those goggles in a second.
Erika and Danielle talk in the red room, and Erika says, "Typical Howie, going out like a big buffoon." Heh. Danielle just congratulates Erika on still being there. Erika tells us that she didn't care much for Howie and she's glad he's gone. She points out on the wall under "HATE" how Howie made her feel gross. James and Janelle chat in another one of the bedrooms, where she laments that Will and Mike lied to them. "Janelle, it's Chill Town. That's what they've been doing all season." And, I would add, throughout their season. And since they were toddlers, I'm predicting. I suspect Will tried to talk other babies into pooping for him so he wouldn't get dirty. "I hate them," she says, starting to cry. She says in the DR that she doesn't trust anyone, she's on her own, blah blah, poor Janelle, little girl blue, hinky-dinky-parlez-vous. James asks her what they're supposed to do now. "Win an HoH," she says. He chuckles. "Then what?" "I don't give a shit," she whimpers. James says to us that he feels bad about Howie and Janelle being hurt, because he knows them outside the house, and so on.
Blue-and-white HoH competition. We see that, unlike everyone else, when Janelle got her pie in the face, she started freaking out and waving her arms like a little baby, which explains why Will was wiping pie off her face. Mike revoltingly DRs that he hopes his HoH room is "chilly." Dear Mike: Shut up. No, seriously. SHUT UP. Danielle says that she was very happy and excited when Mike won. Will says in the diary room that "HoH is the worst thing that can happen to you," and he says he's not happy at all that Mike won, because it's made them a huge target. Seriously, has Mike learned nothing? Well, I guess he logically would have learned nothing, given that he's...himself. Mike goes on to say that since the coup was only good for three evictions, it's now a dead letter with him as HoH. Janelle, of course, whines in the DR that she's the last one from her alliance, boo hoo.
So now, Janelle lies around and cries, feeling miserably sorry for herself. She cries in the house, she cries outside, she sniffles when George and James both try to comfort her, she puts on her big sunglasses so people won't think she looks ugly, and she generally makes a big spectacle of herself. Part of the time, she's wah-wah-ing in the bedroom by herself, so any claim that she's doing this as strategy is demonstrably bullshit. Mike comes to talk to her while she's holding court, and he tells her that he was sad about Howie, and it "hurt [his] feelings." That is the least convincing speech I have ever heard, and I used to work in politics. Everyone else tries to give her these ridiculous, uplifting speeches, but it's only Will who makes her feel better, because he doesn't really take her all that seriously. "Who's the princess of Big Brother?" he asks. "Who is it?" She pretends she doesn't know. Finally, she's like, "Me?" And he says, "It's you. Why?" She makes him tell her that it's because she's beautiful and smart and awesome. She protests weakly, so he piles on some more flattery. She goes on to give a preposterous speech in the DR that this was all strategy to appear weak. You know, refusing to acknowledge that she did it was really the only thing that could make what she just did even more lame than it already was. "I meant to do that!" Whatever, liar. Strategy for...the benefit of the camera guys? Trying to make the crew think she's weak by snorfling in the bedroom by herself? I swear, she's made entirely of cotton balls. I bet you can feel them through her skin.
Will and Janelle talk in the red room, and she wants to know why he didn't tell her Howie was going to go home. He explains that he didn't tell her because she would have told Howie, and considering the display Howie just put on, he has an easy time arguing that Howie would have freaked out. He tells her that he knows she'll never forgive him, but he says that he really just didn't want the situation to get ugly. Will says in the DR that he feels bad for Janelle, and he's trying to console her, because that way, he can lift her up and make her better and more loyal than before, forcing her to go after James for him. Heh. I don't think that's going to work, baby, but I like the way you think.
Mike calls everyone to look at the HoH room, but before they even really have a chance to answer, he says, "Nobody, great." I think he actually wanted that joke, because he hates the walk to the HoH room so much. Janelle whines to Will that she's only going to look at the room if she can wear her sunglasses. I suspect Will is very impressed to discover that there's someone in the world who's even vainer than he is. Mike gets the fittingly fugly HoH room he deserves. Lots of orange and lots of polka dots. It would only be better if it had, like, some Hammer pants. Then he'd be really in his element. He and Will have an HoH conversation in which Mike proposes putting up James and Janelle, and Will says they can boot whichever one doesn't win the veto. In the DR, Will tells us that the crack in the LOD is that he doesn't trust James, and he wants him out, because he just has too many alliances. Mike's argument to Will in favor of his plan is that since the whole house wants Janelle out, they have to nominate her, but they'll plan to help her win veto and take her off the block so they can boot James. That way, if somebody else wins veto, they can always get rid of Janelle, which is still fine. James joins them in the HoH room, and Mike explains how they're going to put him up with Janelle, but of course, they suggest to him that it's Janelle who will go home.
Later, George joins Janelle in the red room for a chat. She tells him that she's expecting to be nominated. In the DR, she complains that she's going to get nominated because the entire house wants to get rid of her. I wonder if that might be less the case if you hadn't been such a cocky beeyotch, beeyotch. Janelle spills it to George that they promised her they would keep Marcellas, and George decides to take moral offense to this. He also looks really surprised, which you would think he wouldn't be. Oh, George. George decides to propose an alliance to Janelle, and she accepts. I'm not sure what he thinks he's doing, and he tells us in the DR that he doesn't know who he's really aligned with, but he thinks he can "really talk to" Janelle. For her part, she says that talking to him made her feel great, because she can really trust him, so now, he's her "new teammate." I wonder if he'll appreciate the part where she lied to everyone about how he swore on his kids that he'd vote to keep Kaysar. I guess that's not as bad as everyone else lying that they'd keep Marcellas, huh?
Janelle and Will talk outside. She appears very drunk. This is the part where she decides to try to act like she has a little bit of control over everything, so she starts telling him how he lied to her, and she's done all these things for him, and so forth. She accuses him of "backstabbing" her, and he says, "I didn't backstab you. I stabbed you in the front!" She goes all serious on him and says that isn't funny. She wants to know what he's going to give her in return for everything she's...already done, which is kind of not the time to ask for a trade. He says that he's going to get rid of James. "Well, then don't nominate me," she says. He tells her that she'll be nominated, probably, but they're going to put up James, and that's who will go. Will says in the DR that he's building Janelle up as a "fembot." Despite the fact that she deserves it and has invited it with her ridiculous, cutesy-poo behavior, that is still gross, and he should not have said it. Also, his hair looks hideous. Fix yourself, punk, and then get back to me.
Janelle visits Mike, bringing Will with her, because...bringing Will with you protects you from Mike? Mike explains the plan to let her win veto and take herself off, followed by the booting of James. She likes this idea, as you can imagine. I am amused by the idea that she is now taking Will everywhere she goes so that they have all the same information. You know who probably wasn't glad Will came to this meeting? Mike. I'm telling you, there's treachery planned. I think what Mike actually wants is to be in F3 and win HoH, and then not take Will to the finals. I think that's his dream.
Time for nominations. Danielle says that she hopes Mike will stick with LOD and put up Janelle. James says that he and Janelle know they'll go up. He clearly thinks Janelle is going to be sent home, but he has this to say about whatever her pitiful routine has evolved into: "Janelle says the fight is gone? Don't believe a word of it." It's kind of funny how nobody ever believes anything she says. (Or tells anyone else to say, as in the case of "spool of lies.") Janelle bullshits again that she's just trying to look like she's weak. Mike yammers that the nominations serve a "more complicated plan than most people will probably know." I'm not sure what that plan even is, but I don't think it's likely to be all that complicated, if Mike is involved in it.
Time for nominations. Mike says they might as well get to it, because everyone knows who the targets are. Danielle gets her key first. Then George, Erika, and Will. So the nominees are Janelle and James, indeed. Mike talks about putting up people who are "very good at this game." He also says that he's going after Season 6, just like he always said he would. James tells us that he feels safe, and he's trusting the LOD, which is "part of being a team." Janelle says that she also feels safe. "I kind of have to trust Chill Town a little bit," she says. She has to trust them, of course, in spite of starting off the last two episodes by talking about how she can't trust them.
After commercials, Janelle and James have a chat. They both pretend not to think it's a setup to take out the other one. Does Janelle own anything other than the Baby Make It Nice shirt? It's like they've all been gradually shredding their clothes as they get dirty. Don't fear the washing machine, people. Janelle claims to feel like she wants to go home. James DRs that he does think Janelle realizes that she is basically responsible for getting Howie and Marcellas booted. She says in the DR that everyone is against her. Except, of course, her newly beloved Chicken George.
Time to pick veto players. Six will play. James says that he'd love to take himself off the block, which is...kind of obvious. Mike gets Houseguest's Choice, and he picks Will, because Vanilla Ice is not available. Janelle picks Danielle. She says this upset her, because she knew Danielle would save James. James draws Erika. Janelle pops upstairs to talk to Will and Mike before the veto is played. Will excitedly tells her that they're going to help her get the veto, or they're going to try to get it themselves. He explains in the DR that he wants to keep Janelle in the house because she's a bigger target than he is. Janelle says that she's "very suspicious" of Will and Mike. Of course, her suspicion isn't much good to her, obviously, since she's doing whatever they want.
After commercials, George explains the incredibly overcomplicated veto competition, in which all the players will start out kneeling in front of this giant stone head (I know; work with me), and they'll be asked a question, to which the answer is another houseguest's name. So whichever houseguest it is, they all have to run around the yard to find one of several dolls with that person's initial on it. When you find one, you run back and kneel on one of these stones, and the last person to return will be knocked out. Janelle announces in the DR that it's like "musical chairs or duck-duck-goose." That's...not how duck-duck-goose works, Janelle, but thanks for playing. Musical chairs, yes. It's like she's a dumb-game savant. She doesn't understand them, but she wins all of them.
The first question sends everyone hunting around for dolls, and the answer to the first one is Nakomis. Will says that he was throwing the competition, but he didn't want anyone to realize he was throwing it. He takes a long time, but does make it back with a doll this time. It comes down to Erika and Danielle, and Danielle is knocked out. "Danielle, you have been eeeee-liminated," says the big voice. In the round, Will gets himself knocked out. "I couldn't have cared less," he assures us. I think that's probably true. I think that's actually true a lot. round, Mike finds the doll early, so he sets it up for Janelle and leads her to it. So much for winning out of pure awesomeness. Mike gets knocked out on this round. So we're down to James, Janelle, and Erika.
The round is The One With All The Controversy. Janelle runs over and grabs for a doll at the same time as James, but when they both wind up fighting over it, Janelle squeals, "Give it to meeeeee!" James backs off and lets her have it, which doesn't stop her from hollering, "Jerk!" Basically, the way Janelle herself describes the competition, they both grabbed dolls without looking, and the one she wound up with turned out to be the right one. Well, of course it did. Because she continues to be incredibly lucky in addition to having people intentionally throwing competitions to her and helping her win in addition to having freakish natural abilities that seem to have no application to anything other than winning Big Brother competitions. In the DR, James goes into this hilariously whiny routine about how she "physically assaulted" him to get the doll, and then he holds his hand out, all, "I am harmed." I have a feeling he's specifically referring to some rule that talks about harm, and this is...it's not tongue in cheek, that's not what I mean, but I don't think he's just randomly yelling that he was "harmed." Still, I have no idea how he got himself so wound up over this. On first viewing, I had thought she played too rough, but what happened was more that because she was so bitchy about it at the time, with her "Give it to meeeeee!", it gave me the impression that they fought more than they did. On replay, I don't see what his problem is at all. She may have had the same effect on him. And she decides to top off her great display of sportsmanship by responding to his complaint that he didn't like being kicked by flipping him off and saying, "I just broke a nail." She is, in that moment, the cheerleader of high-school nightmares. Anyway, James gets knocked out, in part because once he has that scuffle with Janelle, he's so distracted by that that he can't function and keep looking.
So now it's Janelle and Erika, and of course, Janelle wins, partly because numerous people conspired to hand it to her and she got ridiculously lucky. Typical. She runs over and wants to hug everyone, and James declines to hug her on account of her poor sportsmanship. "Don't be mad at me!" she says, because that's how she lives her life, but he's having none of it. It's interesting, because he wouldn't have a leg to stand on here as far as sportsmanship if she hadn't done that bitchy, hateful little "broke a nail" thing. As it stands, they sort of share the sucking. Because you don't get to twitter at how clever you are when you give a guy the finger and then order him not to be mad at you. You can be all "fuck you, I'm a bad-ass, here's a finger for you" to people, or you can get hugs from those same people all the time, but you can't necessarily have both, sweetheart.
When we come back from commercials, James is still all wound up over the veto competition. The editors, never ones to miss a chance to demonstrate that a self-righteous dude is full of shit, show about six times that the doll they originally fought over was the wrong doll, which James is mistaken about. It's perfectly understandable that you might get confused in all that scuffling, which is why it's not so smart to get yourself too exercised about it and make it this big of a deal, James. And it is a little more complicated than the editors are implying, because it looks like what actually happened is that Janelle grabbed both dolls. She wrenched the Howie doll away from him, and then, with it still in her hands, she went over and also grabbed the Marcellas doll. So it's also not as clear as Janelle is saying it was. I'm not sure whether the rules allowed you to go around and grab a bunch of dolls at the same time so that nobody else could get them, but that's sort of what caused the second part of the scuffle. She wrenched one away, so he let her have it and went for another one, and then she took that one, too. Janelle also denies kicking James, but the tape shows that she certainly did kick him, though it's not clear whether it was or wasn't intentional.
Will takes over in the DR to explain the whole thing: "It's James's contention that he and Janelle came to a doll at the exact same time and Janelle kicked him and bit him and punched him in the face and pulled one of his eyes out, and then she went and got some pliers and yanked out one of his wisdom teeth. The way I saw it...she just whooped his ass." Ha! Leave it to Will, you know?
Up in the HoH room, Mike and Will celebrate another competition going pretty much the way they intended, with their usual silent game of jumping up and down with glee. "James thinks the show is fixed in Janelle's favor," Will says in the diary room. "And it is. I'm the one fixing it, James!" Will tells Mike that he's looking forward to everyone in the jury house realizing that they were all booted by Will and Mike. Will does say, though, that it's a tricky time. "If this goes poorly," he says, "Erika and Danielle are going to win HoH and put us up." Word, dude. This is when I begin to suspect that Will is in the process of getting himself kicked out right now. Will tells Mike to act all upset about the fact that Janelle won the veto, and when Erika comes in, he does just that. He's not doing too bad until he throws in, "I'm beside myself." Too much, dude. Of course, Erika doesn't notice, because she's stupid enough to be sleeping with him, so it's not like she's applying a lot of careful judgment to the situation. When Mike is gone, Will assures Erika that Mike will put up George. Erika DRs that she knows Mike really wanted to get rid of Janelle (cough), but sending James home is fine with her. So yeah, she bought "I'm beside myself." From Mike.
Time for the veto ceremony. Janelle is afraid that Mike is going to nominate George. James says that any scenario -- either Erika or Chicken George going up -- will play out fine for him. Janelle calls the meeting and vetoes herself. Mike nominates George, who's wearing his big sombrero and his "Anyone For An Alliance?" shirt. I think George may be redefining "hiding in plain sight," here, people, with "plain" being an understatement. George, in good spirits, takes his place to James. Janelle ends the meeting. James says that he doesn't like being nominated, but he does feel safe. George says that Mike didn't really have much of a choice but to nominate him, and he tries to always assume he's going to be nominated, because that way, you're not bummed when it happens. Aw.
Thursday
Previously: Howie was booted. James and Chicken George were up. Will? Still evil.
Julie reminds us where we stand. It's almost time for the eviction, and she wonders aloud whether James will be "another Howie." I think that is highly unlikely, absent weight gain and a bad hairdo.
We see the PoV ceremony in blue and white, and then we are with James, who says George should be on his way out, but of course, you never take anything for granted in the game until the game is over. Good point. James has certainly said that enough times; I hope he means it. For his part, George says that he doesn't feel like campaigning for votes. He's going to just be normal, enjoy himself, hope for the best, and pack his bags. I know people who have approached their relationships the same way, so there's precedent for this.
James and Danielle have a chat about whether he'll be able to stay. Danielle says she's "concerned about that." Her concern, of course, makes James concerned. Later, Will talks to Danielle, and he breaks it to her that he's feeling like he can't trust James. Danielle swears that James is with the LOD plan, but Will warily says he thinks that James might be with "the 'Janelle wins HoH' plan." Danielle asks Will what exactly he's suggesting, and Will very casually opens up the idea, as softly as he can, that maybe the time has come to cut James loose. Danielle agrees that they need to talk to James about all the time he spends talking to Janelle, but that's as far as she's going. Will says James isn't going to tell them. "I think he's just double dipping," Will says. Does Danielle say, "Well, Will, you've been double dipping yourself, since you spend about 80% of your time with Janelle"? She does not. You can throw that on your pile of missed opportunities for other people to reveal that Dr. Evil has no clothes. Figuratively, of course. Literally, I have no idea.
In the DR, an unhappy Danielle talks about how James went up as a pawn, and all of a sudden, she's hearing all this stuff about Will not being comfortable with James. You can kind of tell that she sees it coming, which at least makes her smarter than most of the rest of the people in the house. "If Boogie and Will pull something and James walks out the door, God help them," she says. What's weird is that she looks totally serious, like she's talking about what she would do to people who beat up her children or burned down her house. It's just...yeah, weird, and it makes it look like Danielle is coming undone.
Danielle and Erika have a talk in the red room. Erika says she doesn't trust either of the people who are up, but that she's more unhappy about James winning competitions. Danielle argues that James's famous throwing of the PoV competition should count for something, and Erika reminds Danielle that he did that for Danielle, not for Erika. And: exactly. Erika tells us that Danielle will probably vote to keep James, but she finds it very scary to keep George. Danielle tells us that Erika will probably vote out James, and that Mike and Will are concerned about James, but for her, protecting James still makes sense. "I feel like I need to do something," Danielle says.
Later, Danielle and Janelle are playing cards outside, when Danielle proposes a truce. Just one week. I'm not sure what that means in this context, really, nor do I understand what effect it's supposed to have on this vote, which is Danielle's current problem. In the diary room, Janelle says that she didn't know what to say, so she said yes. Janelle then says that she's learned to be honest with people who are honest with her, and to "lie to the enemy." I don't even know how she thinks that applies to this situation. She so rarely makes sense to me. Danielle tells Janelle some weird thing about how she knows when people are "floaters," and they follow power, and she totally confuses Janelle. Seriously, Danielle is being way too subtle for Janelle here. Janelle interprets this as a statement that Danielle wants to go after Mike and Will; I'm not convinced that's even what she means. I think sometimes, people say these things that are fraught with meaning, and the meaning that's taken isn't even the one they're supposed to be fraught with. This is one of my fears about this kind of conversation -- I'm always afraid I'll nod prematurely, and the person won't give me some crucial piece of information that would have proved my guess was wrong. Danielle does say in the DR that she needs to break up Mike and Will at some point. It still makes no sense to call them "floaters," but whatever.
James and Janelle have a chat. She's busy reading the Bible, which happens because it's the only book they're allowed to have. Fortunately, they never allow its teachings about humanity or generosity to affect their behavior or attitudes in any way. James whispers to her that they always seem to fight, and they're the only two left from their alliance. James tells her he thinks Erika is voting to keep George. Janelle says that she's voting to keep James. James leaves this little chat, then tells us that his third vote, in addition to Janelle and Danielle, is supposed to come from Will. He says he feels confident, but you can tell that the confidence is shaky at best. He heads outside for a chat with Will, who's lifting weights, despite the fact that he really doesn't look as much like a gym guy as he did a few years back. James asks whether he's going to be caught off-guard like Howie, and Will reassures him that he has nothing to worry about. In fact, Will says it doesn't even matter what Janelle or Erika does, because he has three votes with Will, Mike, and Danielle. Will tells him not to worry. James, to his credit, looks very worried.
Will and Danielle talk quietly near the bathroom. He tells her he won't do anything they don't talk about ahead of time. "I'm not getting crazy," he says. He is, however, worried about James. "I can't have you guys do that," Danielle says of the possibility of booting James, and Will -- who usually presses his ideas over time rather than necessarily insisting on getting his way all at once -- immediately says, "Okay." He tells her, though, that he still thinks James is "double dipping" -- clinging to the LOD while also hanging on to Janelle. Danielle tells Will that James looked her in the eye and said he was still with the plan. In the DR, Danielle is crying (?) as she talks about how important it is for James to stay. She is officially taking this game way too much to heart. "He cannot walk out this door," she whimpers. She says she's frustrated by her inability to keep it from happening. Back in the bathroom, Will tells her he doesn't want her to be upset, because it will make him upset. Considering that he appears to have anti-freeze where you or I would have blood, I doubt that he explodes with sympathy in such a situation.
Upstairs in the HoH, Will tells Mike that he's been bringing up the James thing to Danielle. Mike thinks maybe they need to back off getting rid of James, but Will says it's too late -- having expressed doubts to Danielle, they're going to be right in James's line of fire if he doesn't leave now. Will tells Mike this will be either the decision that dooms him, or the decision that helps them go a long way in the game. In the DR, Will says he thinks James needs to leave. Danielle's reaction is the big issue, though, and something to really watch out for. He tells Mike the same thing.
Julie takes us to the living room. Julie asks Mike about the way Howie got up in his face before he left the house. Does Mike think it would have gotten physical if James hadn't stepped in? "I sure hope not; the guy's got about forty pounds on me," Mike says. "It's the heat of the moment," Mike says. "If I sold light sabers for a living, I'd be full of anger, too." This brings an extremely loud and surprised laugh, which I originally thought came from Will, but I'm pretty sure it's actually George. I think Will probably finds that more sad than funny. Asked if he feels guilty about Howie, George says that he does, a little bit, but he also says that it's a game. To his credit, George has said the same thing when he was on the block himself, so he has a little more credibility than most. Then, Julie moves on to Janelle, asking her about all the crying and how she's doing. She says she's all better. I wish they would at least feel obligated to give a little bit of dirt when they know we're all sitting here at home with nothing to do.
Julie tells us that tonight, there will be a live eviction, and there will be only four votes. Will, Danielle, Erika, and Janelle. Oh, and: soon, we will be seeing the jury house. How great that's going to be. Marcellas and Howie. I think I've had that dream, only I was also being poked with pins and given electric shocks. I don't remember it as a nice dream.
When we return, Julie says that it's time to look to the jury house. We watch as Marcellas approaches a gorgeous villa and makes himself at home. "Welcome to my banishment," he says. "My own personal hell." It is ridiculously beautiful, but Marcellas is focused on how obnoxious the rest of the houseguests will be with an infinity pool to play with. Heh. Marcellas continues with his paradise pity party, saying that he's not happy about being stranded, but at least he's alone. He anticipates having an entire week to himself, in which he can relax and mellow out before anyone else shows up. "I'm going to try to work on not being bitter this week," he says. I do believe that will take longer than a week. Maybe he'll be ready to welcome year's cast. We watch him run happily in the waves as he explains that if he has a good week, then by the time anyone shows up, he'll be able to be friendly. "Dear God in heaven," he says, "I hope it's not Howie." Cut to several scenes in which Howie, back at the house, bugged the crap out of Marcellas. "Howie walking through this door a week from today would be my absolute nightmare," Marcellas tells us solemnly.
Then: the caption reads, "24 Hours Later." Marcellas is inside playing cards quietly when he hears a voice from the above balcony say, "Ultimate betrayal." "Nooooooo!" Marcellas hollers. "Damn," he interviews. "Paradise has just been lost." Howie, on the other hand, says that even though he evicted him last week, "Marci's not a bad guy." Marcellas seems for a minute to be warming up to Howie, but then he tells us that if he could swim to the United States, he'd be happy to battle the sharks just to get away from Howie. Howie shows Marcellas the tape from his (Howie's) eviction, explaining to us that this is the footage of him losing to a "fat ugly chicken," being nominated, being voted out, and so forth. As Marcellas watches the nominations of James and Erika, he crinkles his forehead and wonders what nominating Erika and James was supposed to accomplish. Considering that George is still there and you're not, dear, I think you have to assume your days of expounding on his lack of strategy ought to be just about...over.
Howie fixates on talking about how ugly Erika looks on television, and then on how ugly George is in general. Marcellas mentions that maybe Howie could think about something for a minute other than how everyone looks, which is pretty amusing, given old-school Marcellas's tendency to critique what everyone was wearing. "Howie is a bully," Marcellas says. "Howie is abrasive. Howie is disrespectful." Together, they watch Howie being nominated and evicted, and then they watch Howie's obnoxious exit, complete with the pitiful effort to start a fight with Mike. Marcellas looks on in horror, and then tells us, "The man's a pig." Howie throws in a few more comments about how fat George is and how ugly Mike is, because that soothes the hurt over losing, I guess. Then he interviews that since he's been evicted, "the party is just beginning in paradise." When Howie continues to needle Marcellas while they watch the tape, Marcellas finally says, "Howie, stop calling me 'Marci.' I don't like it. We're not in the house anymore. I don't have to be nice to you. My name is Marcellas." "Sorry, Marjealous," Howie says. I kind of admire Marcellas for not putting his foot through Howie's face at this point, because Howie's pretty much openly taking Marcellas's lunch money here, which is a great way to get your ass beat up.
Julie promises more about "showmances" when we come back. Well, that's good. I'm awfully busy, and that will save me that trip to the vomitorium.
We do indeed return to Julie and her silk pants, as well as her comment that Mike and Will can "work the ladies." Lesson #1: Men who use the word "ladies" should not be trusted, and neither should women who refer to men who can "work the ladies." I don't know where I got my gut-level revulsion to the use of "ladies" -- well, I do, but I'm not going to tell you -- but at this point, there is no faster way to make me hate your guts than to address women as "ladies," in either the "hello, ladies" or the "work the ladies" sense. Julie says that Mike and Will are arguing about which of their pretend girlfriends would be better to take to the finals. How progressive.
So right about here, I'm going to skip over the parts where Mike is kissing poor Erika, because they make me want to hurl. In other riveting relationship news, Janelle and Will are taking walks around the yard. Will says that he's bored and lonely, and flirting is fun, but he feels like Janelle is pretty much in the palm of his hand. For her part, she giggles over how easy it is to make him do things like drink, because she doesn't process the fact that both the resistance and the acquiescence he offers in those situations are for effect only. In the HoH room, the guys talk about how they're going to let all these women to fight with each other. And then Will insists that he trusts Janelle more, while Mike insists that he trusts Erika more. Will DRs that he thinks Erika is "playing Mike Boogie." Mike insists that Erika can be trusted. Will insists that Janelle can be trusted. Mike DRs that Janelle might be playing Will. Neither of them seems to understand that neither of these women is smart enough to be playing anyone, even though one of them may very well win. Will clarifies for Mike that it's not about his feelings about Janelle; it's about Janelle not having other allies and being malleable for that reason. He explains in the DR, of course, that chicks come between buddies all the time. You know how it is with the ladies. He tells Mike about his Yoko analogy, and how they have to pick someone to come with the Beatles and be the Yoko -- either Erika or Janelle is coming with them. "James? He's Ringo Starr," Will says. "Chicken George? He's in the Monkees." Will needs to accompany me everywhere I go and mock all who displease me.
Julie takes us to the HoH room to talk to Mike for the usual pointless interview, which will all the more pointless since Mike is involved. She reminds him that he can speak freely, shutting off his usual carefully calibrated social filter. Julie says that he seemed to turn around on Janelle at some point, and asks where he stands on her. Mike talks about the showmancing of the two women, and how Janelle is still a big target. Does he trust her? "Not 100%," he says. He points out that they're taking out her entire alliance, of course. Julie then asks Mike about the possibility that he might have to choose between his friendship with Will and half a million dollars. For the first time in recorded history, this dumb secret interview yields something interesting. "Well, five years ago, Will chose the half a million over me. He moved on in the game at my expense. And I'm prepared to do it this season. But I really hope that the two of us can make it to the end." In case you didn't notice it, that was severe repressed rage going by there. He may not even realize it, but I will tell you right now, Mike is looking to knife Will, either at F2 or probably before that, since Mike would never beat Will in a vote. Look for that to happen. I've known guys in those Overshadowed Guy/Overshadowing Guy friendships, and if there's one thing I've learned, Overshadowed Guy always hates Overshadowing Guy on some deep, fundamental level. Take it to the bank. Julie asks about the coup, and Mike explains that it didn't get used, because he thought it was better to hang onto it, and then it turned out that he didn't need it. Another busted gimmick. Poor CBS.
Julie says that we're about to find out whether James will be sent home, or whether George will go instead. In the DR, Erika says that it's hard to ally yourself with George, because he's hard to predict. Danielle says James needs to stay, because he's the only one she trusts. Janelle says that she has some loyalty to James, but she doesn't really trust him, because he hasn't had her best interests in mind. Will says James is a much bigger physical and strategic threat than George. Danielle is all weepy again as she says that for their own good, Mike and Will had better not send James out. Big talk. "I will get rid of them one by one," she says. "Mark my words." Can you get rid of two people "one by one"? Or is that more "one then one"?
We come back to Julie, who reminds us that James tried to get George out early in the game. But what will happen now? And will anyone care? Julie tells the houseguests in the living room that the power is expired, so now, they can move to the live vote. But first! The nominees have a chance to address the rest of the group. James goes first. He thanks America for voting him in, which I still don't even entirely believe happened. He says that some people are there to make America like them, and some are playing for votes in sequester. He is there "to play the game." He says that he's "a competitor," and he wants to stay. George says that he wants to thank everyone for keeping him there. And also "cool beans," because he can't even think of his own catch phrase, so he thought he'd borrow Nakomis's.
Now, the voting. Erika is up first. In the DR, she votes to evict James. Will steps in , and he, too, votes to evict James. Danielle goes , and she unsurprisingly votes to evict George. She just looks way too damn fragile right now. It's kind of freaky. Janelle steps into the DR, and she votes to evict...James. Julie turns to those of us at home to tell us that James is out, and then she goes to the living room. She says that by a vote of 3-1, James is out. George looks really surprised. I think he was not as aware of the complexities of this vote as others were. James seems good-spirited, though, and he hugs everyone warmly on the way out. Wouldn't you rather be him than Howie? I know I would. They all give him a round of genuine, non-sarcastic applause on his exit. He's smiling as he cruises out of the house, down the steps, and over to Julie. "It's not nice to see you again," he chuckles. I wish he were more likable, because he can be really cute.
Julie asks James what's going through his head. He says he likes the fact that he was booted by Will, Mike, and Janelle, because they're great players. He also says that at first, he had a really bad attitude, and he took it all too seriously, but later, he started having fun. For example, this week, when he attempted to get Janelle arrested for assaulting him and taking his dolly, that was really fun. And it wouldn't have been possible if he'd kept taking everything so seriously. Julie does her usual routine this season, which is basically, "But enough about you. Let's talk about what you've said about Janelle." She reminds him of several unkind comments he's made about Janelle. I'm kind of sick of this whole thing. People have said a lot of rotten things about each other, including Janelle, who has talked a lot of shit herself. I don't need the demand that I feel sorry for Rupert -- I mean, Janelle -- to be shoved up my nose with quite this much force. At any rate, James says that Janelle threw him "under the bus" in the first couple of weeks, so he was mad at her to begin with. Julie asks about the future of the S6 friendship, given that he betrayed everyone. James: "[Self-justifying explanation.]" Julie: "[Platitude.]"
Goodbye messages. James chuckles good-naturedly at George. Janelle thanks him for playing "more honestly" this time. Erika smiles as she says there can only be one "great floater," and it had to be her, so he had to go. Again, James smiles. Mike tries to make some headway by saying that he really wanted to go to F4 with the LOD squad, and plants the seed that Will was the one who wanted James out, likely because he thinks this might get him a vote. Little does Mike know, that's exactly what Will is going to say. "Don't blame anyone but me," Will says with what appears to be friendliness. "I was intimidated by you because you're such a phenomenal player." He adds that he was concerned that James wasn't really playing for the team. "The teacher never teaches the student all the tricks, and I had to keep this one last trick up my sleeve." This makes James smile. Danielle boo-hoos, but James doesn't seem all that impressed by that part. "Chill Town has not seen the bad side of me yet," she vows. "I will take care of them. I guarantee it." Oh, Danielle. Never make guarantees. Asked for final thoughts, James says he thought it was cool that Will was afraid of him. I really wish James had been less of an anger-ball, because he has a certain sort of peculiar charm when he's happy and relaxed.
When we come back, it's time for the HoH competition. This one finds all the houseguests blindfolded and standing on sets of three steps. The game is basically poking fun at Julie's "But First" habit, and what she's going to do is list two events, like this: "A happened, but first, B happened." Meaning, essentially, A happened after B. If it's true, you step up on your steps. If it's false, you step down. Last one out is HoH.
First question knocks out nobody. The second question is really easy (grim reaper before prom), but it knocks out George and Janelle. Third question does in Will and Danielle, so that will do it for this competition, and Erika is HoH. She takes the HoH key from Mike, who starts teasing Will about losing another competition. Will stands around with his arms crossed like he's pissed off about losing. I don't think so.
When we get back, Julie breaks it to George that they had fried chicken and beer waiting for him if he got evicted. She asks him if he'd rather be out with the food or in the game, and he actually looks like he hesitates before saying he wants to stay in. George also informs us that he's lost twenty pounds basically eating only slop. I'll bet. Julie also asks Janelle about being the last person left from S6, and Janelle first says it feels good, then she says it doesn't feel good, because she's trying to figure out the right answer rather than actually answering the question. Danielle takes advantage of a question about being away from home to mention that "sometimes you don't think the game's worth it." Yes, we get it. You are upset. You have been betrayed. Yap yap yap.
Tune in week for further adventures in moral trailblazing.