In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Sunday
The HoH competition comes down to Danielle, Howie, and Erika. Howie falls after securing promises of safety from the two women, and then Erika gives up, and just like that, Danielle is HoH. She knows she wants to get Janelle out, but she isn't sure whether to put up Kaysar or to put up James, who can then compete for the veto. Ultimately, Danielle decides to put Janelle up alongside her own alliance-mate, James, which makes him nervous but hopeful that they can get rid of Janelle. And James really, really hates Janelle. He hates her ugly and serious. Elsewhere, Marcellas takes yet another step toward sainthood when he gives George his "Slop Pass" so that George can eat real food for a while. Will throws his back out, and Kaysar's attempts to untwist it make them both think mildly uncomfortable "this isn't gay, right?" thoughts. It's not much of an episode, unless you really like watching James lose his marbles or you really like shots of people hanging from rope webs.
Tuesday
Danielle, having nominated Janelle and James, now wants to keep the nominations the same, so she's happy when she winds up playing with James, Will, Mike, and Marcellas to try to keep the veto away from Janelle. Even though the competition involves giving up things and not succumbing to temptation, most of Danielle's team flakes out on her, and Janelle walks away with the victory. Not only that, but Danielle has to spend twenty-four hours in "solitary confinement" because she agreed to it in order to get points in the competition. By the time she gets out, she's livid at all the people who didn't do their best to keep the veto away from Janelle (she doesn't realize that Mike and Will, in particular, don't care who wins the veto), so when her "Legion of Doom" alliance tries to talk her into nominating Marcellas, she's not up for it. Instead, Danielle sticks to her plan to break up S6, so she puts Kaysar on the block to James. Janelle? Still sucks.
Thursday
Kaysar and James are on the block, and Kaysar is moping around the house like the unhappiest person ever. For a while, it looks like the vote might be close, but in the end, it's 5-1, with only Howie voting to keep Kaysar after James uses a prize he won in the spiderweb HoH competition to invalidate Janelle's vote. After his eviction, Kaysar spends some quality time with Julie Chen, during which he explains that he's just too good of a person for the show, because he wants it to be all about honor, and it sort of seems like it isn't. Julie tries to act surprised. The HoH competition crowns Erika, but Julie says that a new "coup d'état" twist will mean that for the most part, everything that happens during the week will be meaningless. Isn't that great? Because what this show needed was to lower the extraordinarily high importance of everything that happens. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
What I love about Big Brother is that it proves that even an automaton can become successful, marry a network executive, and tell internet yappers to go chew aluminum foil. That's what I love about Big Brother.
Sunday
As you know, this is usually the portion of the Big Brother recap where we share our despair over (1) the fact that we're all watching; and (2) the fact that we're being put through an agonizingly detailed reminder of what was happening when we were most recently together. Of course, the fact that we're all watching is as miserable a reality as ever, but for once, it actually does matter what was happening when we were all most recently together. Because what was happening was an endurance-based HoH competition that left those without internet access hanging for the week. You'll remember that everyone had climbed up onto a rope web, and then they were sprayed with silly string, which somehow was supposed to knock them off or something. And I must say, when silly string became a weapon, it suddenly appeared that perhaps Big Brother management had lost its bloodlust.
We see the blue-and-white launching of the HoH competition, and then we slide to color as the web is raised up off the ground and into the sky. Erika tells us that she was filled with "fire" after she spent a week on the block. Since she's made of kindling, that would be rather dangerous. Hotcha! Will turns the tables on Sexually Inappropriate Howie as they sit on the web, telling Howie that he seems nervous. And then we see them get sprayed again with whatever that stuff is. Marcellas complains in the DR that they ruined his belt. Marcellas apparently has not learned that you don't wear your Sunday best to an HoH competition, lest you get pelted with eggs or dropped into a vat of oil or something. Will asks Mike whether he's correct in calling himself "a thirty-three-year-old doctor on a big giant spider web." I'm sure the spider web feels the same way about you, smarty. Howie says that the competition was "tailor-made" for him, presumably because it involved lying motionless, but Danielle tells us that everyone looked very comfortable lying around on the spider web, which made her nervous about her chances. She adds that she really, really wanted to keep S6 from winning HoH again. Oh, me too, Danielle. Me too.
A remark from James that it seems like there aren't that many people left takes us to blue-and-white Diane being evicted again. James DRs that Diane represented no threat to him, so Janelle evicted her out of "pure stupidity." Oh, James. Sorry to point this out, pumpkin, but the fact that Diane was no threat to you is not a good demonstration of the stupidity of nominating her. Janelle is stupid, but not because she nominated someone who wasn't a threat to...someone who wasn't her. James goes on to insist that "the entire house is now gunning for Janelle." Danielle DRs that she just loves Diane (have you noticed the difference between Danielle's old DRs and her new DRs?), and that Diane "had every right to be upset, because she was back-doored." I guess "back-doored" now has no meaning, because it refers simply to nominating someone after a veto is used. I don't see, then, how it can be objectionable when the HoH has no choice but to do it. It's like tackling a guy and then getting pissed off that he got up. That selfish asshole! And then Danielle adds, "It is what it is." Which is always helpful. For his part, Marcellas claims that he "had to choke back tears" when Diane left, because he knows her so well. He goes on: "For someone like Janelle to selfishly put her on the block is a gross misuse of power." You know, I'm no Janelle fan, but that is the stupidest reason to be angry at someone that I have ever heard of. "Selfish"? Has Marcellas read the rules? He may mistakenly believe he is on the lesser-known reality show, Commune! And also: "Gross misuse of power"? She's not a superhero. She hasn't been given a great gift. With great power does not come great responsibility, when that great power is won with speedy button-pushing or trivia contests.
After Diane is gone, Will hugs Erika. "Hug it out, bitch," he says. Heh. It figures he would embrace the Piven. Erika says that she was "pretty sad" about Diane leaving, but then she giggles, "But I got to staaaayyyy!", and she kicks her feet in the air in the DR, which I can appreciate. At least she can admit that her sadness is overwhelmed by her self-interest, as we all should in situations such as this one.
Janelle says that for her part, she's unhappy about Diane leaving with so many "hard feelings" toward her. You know, you can be an unapologetic, scenery-chomping bad-ass or you can complain as much as Janelle does about people being mad at you, not liking you, or having "hard feelings" toward you, but you really can't do both. In this case, Janelle had a total thing about getting rid of Diane, and it was totally personal for both of them. Nobody's hands are clean, if we're going in the stupid direction of integrity evaluation in the first place, which I do not condone. Janelle insists that her desire to get rid of Diane was "purely strategic." No. It wasn't. "I don't think she'll ever forgive me," Janelle says in a way that makes it clear that she completely doesn't care, but she'd really like you to think she does. Diane goes to black and white.
Will takes the opportunity after Diane is gone to tell the rest of the house that he doesn't get the whole "being sad" business. He reminds them all that somebody's got to go every week. Of course, this is perceived as very cold and tacky by some who make their feelings obvious. Will adds that if he goes week, he wants everyone to party. "We will," Kaysar says in a way he intends to be pointed and bad-ass. Of course, because Will served that to him in just that way on purpose, it doesn't really work. "Back at ya," Will says, in a way he intends to be mocking. He should really have gone with bemused silence, which would have been funnier. Will DRs that each week, he tries to remind everyone that it's only a game. "Don't get your feelings wrapped up," he says. Which is easy when you barely have any, of course, Dr. Roboto.
So anyway, now we time-warp forward again, so that we're on the spider web with 21 minutes elapsed in the HoH competition. Howie, Will, and James start amusing themselves by riffing on Howie's "big boy like [whatever]" routine, starting with Howie explaining that big boy likes spider webs, and then adding that big boy also likes "spider sperm," a reference to the silly string stuff. These three guys think this joke is a lot funnier than it actually is. Howie tells Will he's pretty funny for a "skinny anorexic pale guy." That would hit harder if Will were skinny. He's pale, but he's pale on purpose so as not to die, and that's about the only part of that insult that's going to land. Teasing ensues between Howie and James over what everyone has been eating and how it affects the possibility that the spider web won't hold them. I wouldn't bother mentioning a conversation operating at this level of inanity, except that it turns into a filler segment about Howie's eating habits, which are apparently widely marveled at. Chicken George recalls making Howie a plate of four steak sandwiches, which Howie proceeded to chain-eat.
"Howie's caloric intake exceeds that of any human," Will comments. "It's on the level of a hippopotamus." And then Will goes on in the DR: "One day I realized...Howie's not a small boy." He claps his hands clumsily while he says, "Howie's a big boy!" Hee. So that's where "big boy" comes from. I should have known. Howie insists that Will calls him this because Will is jealous. Ah, yes. "Y'all are just jealous!" Another way in which the excessively awesome are victimized by everyone else. As Howie hangs from a pull-up bar in the house and shows off his bod, Will remarks that he kind of looks like a "mayonnaise-eating bear." Or possibly a "diabetic manatee." Will needs to learn that his first joke is usually funnier than the one he adds. True for so many of us. Editing is a menace! Howie DRs that he looks forward to selling some "Big Boy" T-shirts, and the show is kind enough to superimpose over Howie an incredibly unsophisticated graphic of a blue T-shirt that says "Big Boy." It's the worst visual effect I've seen in quite some time, but it's glorious in its unapologetic cheapness. And then we watch Howie dance outside as the rest of the houseguests chant "Big Boy." When I say they're starved for entertainment in that house, you really, really need to believe me. Then, in the weirdest part of the segment yet, Danielle lectures Howie about the fact that he seems to be putting on weight. She DRs that she saw Howie eat a whole bag of chips, and that she's concerned. He promises her that he will try to eat sensibly. That was incredibly strange, like they just got a $100,000 kickback from the FDA for throwing that message in there. I'm surprised they didn't have Danielle explain the food pyramid and give out the URLs for a few government web sites.
Out on the spider web, George is called out for farting, and that's what passes for a reintroduction to George. He talks about his surprise that he got this far, and...that's it for George, for the moment. When he's not having gas or wearing funny outfits, they kind of don't know what to do with him.
Will abruptly announces that he's going to "walk around," and then he does the fakest intentional fall through the web that I've ever seen. He jumps to the ground and runs over to the collection of eggs. You'll recall, and Will explains, that the first five people to fall/drop off the web got to break eggs, three of which contained prizes -- $10,000 in one, a slop pass for a week in the second, and the ability to nullify one eviction vote in the third. The other two are "rotten" and contain nothing. Will picks out an egg, but before he can break it, Danielle announces that they should all agree that whoever wins the slop pass should give it to George so he can eat for a week. I'm not sure why they all are expected to give George food when George himself made a decision that he wanted to commit to permanent slop in order to stay in the house. Will says that he can't promise he'll give the slop pass to George. "You son of a bitch," Danielle mutters. Oh, quiet down, Danielle. Will tells her that he's only kidding, and in fact, he says that he will agree to that arrangement. Interestingly, I'm just about convinced that Will doesn't care a whole lot about eating slop. Maybe his life in L.A. has made him impervious to weird, Spartan, protein-enriched food. But it's all a moot point, because when he breaks his egg, it's rotten. Mike DRs that Will wanted to win the money and taunt everyone, but it didn't work out the way he'd like in the sense that people aren't really angry at him. Every once in a while, you catch Mike saying something about Will that has the tiniest hint of an edge, and that was a good example. They're clearly friends, but I think they have one of those friendships between men where there's The Hot One and The Other One, and just as with women, those friendships can be loaded with baggage, no matter how mature you think you are. You'd almost think that Mike would overcompensate by hooking up with random women on camera and putting himself at the center of the reality social scene just to prove Will doesn't have anything on him.
Ah, there are those crickets.
Will says that he wanted to take the opportunity to spend time with Janelle alone, because her alliance is coming apart, and he wants to be there to capitalize. He is definitely a guy who would hit on you at a funeral. Like, your husband's funeral. Or possibly your own funeral. Janelle asks Will whether he thinks people are still mad at her (shut UP), and he says they aren't. I can't tell you how much it bugs me that, in addition to the stupid baseball jersey, Will has a baseball cap that says "Chill Town." That name is so...so utterly swiped from seventh grade, and I feel like I'm staring into people's unhappy childhoods. I never think that's fun. They discuss the fact that the competition is going to go on for a long time, and Will tells her that he looked around and realized there were several people he didn't think he was going to beat, so he just decided to give up, rather than spend hours up on a spider web. True? You make the call. Will then tells Janelle that if he survives this week and week, then he, Mike, Janelle, and Howie will all protect each other and go to the end. Cutting out Kaysar, are we? There's an interesting proposition. If she's thinking, "Not without my pal, you don't!", she's certainly not saying that to Will.
At 58 minutes, the houseguests move around as the web is shifted in position so that they have to keep adjusting. Danielle says that she doesn't want to see S6 people in the HoH room anymore, so somebody else needs to win. It's also going to save a lot of pink bunnies from being skinned, so you know that their trade association is lobbying hard.
At two hours elapsed, Janelle goes outside and tells them all that, as many anticipated, they now have to hang from the web from their arms and legs from underneath it. As he's moving, James drops his feet through the net and winds up just hanging by his hands. Dramatic! And that takes us to commercials.
When we return, James swings his feet back up so that he's repositioned. It's very close to a rule, of course, that whatever the moment before a commercial suggests might be about to happen on a show like this, it's not going to happen, so if you were surprised by that development, you need to go back to the remedial class, which starts with a module about The Dating Game. James then DRs that he looked around and decided he felt pretty safe with the people on the web. He mutters this to Danielle as she hangs to him, and she tells him to let go, then. Which he does, and he drops to the ground. He strolls over to pick out an egg. His turns out to contain the ability to nullify an eviction vote.
Back outside, Will comments on the "eye of the tiger" on Chicken George, and how impressive it is. I don't think anyone anticipated that George would last very long in this phase. Mike, on the other hand, lets out a battle cry. He tells us in the DR that he was "exhausted and beat," so he decided to drop and take his chance on the egg. Will DRs that Mike had no need to win HoH, and that Will has taught him, if nothing else, to "play smarter, not harder." In Mike, there is very little tiger and very much chicken. As Mike lies on the mat, lamenting his fate, Kaysar drops, so in order to beat him to the eggs, Mike gets up and walks over. Mike picks an egg, and he walks away with $10,000. He grumbles about it, acting like he's all upset that he isn't HoH, but to no one's surprise, in the DR, he explains that he was acting, because unlike almost anyone who has ever won a car on Survivor, he has figured out that crowing about the big prize that you just won and everybody else just didn't win does not make people kindly disposed toward you. He has certainly learned a lot from sitting around shitty bars with former jury members. The egg Kaysar chooses is rotten, so the only one left is the slop pass.
Danielle tells us that she started to feel hopeful at somewhere around this point that she might actually win. In other news, several houseguests point out to George that the slop pass is in the last egg, so he should really drop and take it before somebody else does, so that he can eat for the week. He refuses. George tells us that he wasn't focused on the egg -- he was focused on trying to win. I admire him for wanting that so badly, but I really don't think it was ever going to happen, and they have a point that eating for a week would be a huge benefit to him.
Meanwhile, Howie is thinking about a negotiation so he can drop before he dies. I never understand this, because why would anyone negotiate with you when you're on your last legs? The person who has the leverage to ask for a deal is the person who it appears can last longer. That person is in a position to say, "I will give you HoH if you promise not to nominate me." Such deals aren't very useful, but that's when you can sensibly ask for one. You have no leverage in what are clearly your final moments. Nevertheless, Howie asks Danielle whether he's safe with her, and she says he is, presumably not to make waves. But this is all interrupted when Marcellas drops at two hours and 25 minutes and goes to collect the slop pass. He also kicks a gross prop egg with sludgy crap in it, almost getting James all icky. That is probably about the biggest display of pique you're ever going to see from Marcellas that doesn't involve shaking his finger at someone as his robe flaps behind him.
Not long after, with 2:35 elapsed, George finally drops. Everyone applauds the effort, which they can afford to do, because they have no respect for him, so he doesn't make them feel threatened, so they can all afford to be generous. It's really heartwarming in its ice-cold inhumanity, if you think about it.
So now, it's Danielle, Howie, and Erika. Howie tells us that "it was a battle." Danielle starts to say she's just too uncomfortable, and she tells Erika she's dropping. But after she has already dropped an arm and a foot, she says, "No I'm not," and she puts herself back up. She says in the DR that it was for real -- she was thinking that she was going to drop, and then she dug a little deeper. The spectators love it, cheering and hooting for Danielle. Erika, on the other hand, looks like she isn't bothered at all. Erika tells us she's a Pilates instructor, so once she was set, she felt like she could hang for a while. Howie is hurting, and James tells him that after all his bitching about endurance competitions, he'd better "put up or shut up." Janelle DRs that Howie was the only remaining hope to keep her alliance in charge for the week. Despite the fact that Howie is obviously about to fall anyway, Danielle and Erika decide to promise him that he's safe with either one of them. Why? He's falling. You don't need a deal. But having secured a deal with both of the women on the web, Howie drops. 2:45 elapsed. "They broke the Jedi down," Howie says in the DR. Dear Howie: You are about two comments away from dressing in costume and appearing at conventions. I'm juuuuust saying.
Once Howie is gone, Danielle tells Erika, "Give it to me." Never one to make waves, Erika says, "You got it, Dan," and gets down. I totally thought that she was going to outlast Danielle. When Danielle drops to the ground with the victory, she goes into a fist-pumping, arm-flexing, hollering routine. It's just as irritating as Janelle's usual "Eeee!" bit when she wins, despite being the polar opposite. Erika tries a couple of times to give Danielle a hug, but Danielle doesn't see her, which is one of those things that's cringe-creatingly embarrassing, despite not being that big of a deal. For some reason, unsuccessful congratulatory hug-seeking is like seeing someone's underwear fall down around her ankles. It's like an uncompleted high-five. (Shudder.) Danielle names herself the "black widow." Danielle gets the key from Janelle and hugs Mike. Sheesh. Now she has to delouse.
In one of the bedrooms, James and Danielle talk, and James refers to their little alliance, which is called the "Legion Of Doom." She explains that, much like she did with Jason, she uses James to bring back information about the S6 group and what they're up to. Elsewhere, James has a whispered chat with Mike, and apparently Mike and Will are the rest of the Legion Of Doom (ick). James thinks that this might be their week to step up. Well, one would think. Mike DRs that it's awesome that Danielle is HoH, and that he "would buy a ticket" to be at the nomination ceremony. If, you know, he weren't already contractually obligated to be there, I guess. Mike comments to James that it's funny how the cocky attitude of S6 shifted, and James shrugs. "You reap what you sow." This incisive point is illustrated by Janelle sitting at the counter and moping. And, I guess, reaping.
Filler segment: Turns out that Will tried to lift Mike after the last PoV competition, and he threw his back out like an old man. "When you're eating ketchup for dinner," he explains in the DR, "it doesn't give you a lot to work with, and it doesn't give you a chance to heal." He doesn't mention that he's pasty, aging, and only used to lifting bony starlets. In one of the bedrooms, Will is griping about his sore back, and Kaysar offers to try a chiropractor trick. Will assumes that he is to lie on his stomach, but Kaysar says no, he has to lie on his back face-up. This makes them both kind of nervous, in an I'm-not-gay-or-nothin' kind of way. As Kaysar says in the DR, this is basically something he saw somebody do once, and he figured he'd try to imitate it. Pretty much the same training most chiropractors have, as I understand it. Kidding! Don't email me!
Basically, this "trick" involves Kaysar lifting up Will's knee and pressing it across his body as hard as he can, while sort of putting all his weight on it and thus lingering very close to Will's face. Will pronounces the move "gay," and for once, he doesn't mean "gay" in the playground sense. He means it matter-of-factly, in a "having you lean over me like we're about to make out feels vaguely gay" sort of way. Kaysar characterizes it in the DR as "awkward," in that Will had no shirt on and so forth, and he was sort of hovering right over him. In other words? It was a little gay. Will repeats to Kaysar that he finds it "very homosexual." I have a feeling quite a number of viewers looked at that and made remarks along the lines of, "You think that's 'very homosexual'?" Kaysar responds by asking, "Is it working?" This question, of course, is sent to Will by the God Of Comedy Setup Lines, and if Will hadn't been so uncomfortable, he'd have done a better job with it. What he says is, "It's making me very uncomfortable, like I'm going to get touched by a man in my bathing-suit area." I do enjoy the expression "bathing-suit area." Kaysar finally climbs off him and says, "How do you feel?" "Terrible!" Will says with disappointment. Everyone laughs, especially Kaysar. That almost never happens. "I'm not sure where he went to chiropractic school," Will says of Kaysar, "but I bet it wasn't in the United States, if you know what I'm saying." Oh, Will. I do.
Danielle decides to take a shot at rubbing Will's back, but she quickly discovers that he has a curvature on his spine, like a hump. How fascinating. Will speculates that it's just his skeleton hungrily trying to escape his body. Danielle is very wigged out and thinks the hump is his "undeveloped twin." The idea that there would be two Wills is very unsettling, especially if they're both in the same body and they can conspire without anyone knowing. As Will lies miserably on the floor, Kaysar throws a sheet over him before trying to rub his back again. Less gay that way, you know? Because being separated from a dude by a sheet doesn't suggest anything sexy. Howie says that when he walked in, he just figured Will had died, as he always figured he would. He wonders aloud whether the rules allow voting out a corpse. Heh.
Howie, Janelle, Kaysar and James all have a chat. James encourages them to believe that they're all safe. Well, maybe all except Janelle. He reminds her that she decided to go after floaters last week, and says they'll all be feeling the effects of that decision on her part. "Um, why?" Janelle asks idiotically, and James tells her that it's because the floaters now feel, correctly, that she's coming after them. He tells her all she has to do is look at how it was, other than Howie, all floaters hanging in at the end of HoH, where before, they mostly would have dropped out. In the DR, James tells us that Janelle is the target, and that her "idiotic nominations" last week have put her in this position. Janelle presses for an answer about whether she would have enough votes to stay if she were up against Marcellas. "This Anna Nicole Smith wannabe is probably the dumbest person to ever play this game," James says in the DR. She's clearly not the dumbest, no, but she's not seeming too smart, I have to agree. And "Anna Nicole Smith" is distressingly...difficult to entirely dismiss. They're certainly going for the same look.
Danielle runs out and offers to show off her HoH bedroom for everyone. As usual, all pretend to care. As usual, none actually do. Predictably, the room is tastefully decorated, and it contains lots of pictures of Danielle's family. Janelle says her "pink palace" was better. She would. Of course, Danielle's family sent her ratty pink robe again, just like last time, so Danielle has a touch of pink crap. At least Janelle wouldn't be entirely adrift. Her letter from her mother is very loving. Danielle DRs that her mother has been through all kinds of things and always "held her head up high." Just like you do...on Big Brother? I guess. George tells us that he's probably the only person who really understands Danielle, because the rest of them aren't married with kids. And I have no problem with that, as long as he's willing to admit that other people's lives also have emotional aspects that he's not able to understand. It's the married people who claim to know your life and their lives that piss me off.
As Marcellas explains to us, what happened was that they went into the storage room and found it fully stocked with food, and also with pizza for dinner. He reminds us that five of them had been on slop for a week, plus there was George, who's on slop always. They all shout and holler over the food, but George chills in the bedroom because he can't eat. Marcellas, acting like the weight of the world is on him, takes the week-long slop pass he won and gives it to George. Or rather, he tries to give it to George. George turns him down on the first shot, as he pretty much has to. Marcellas says that he's leaving it. George insists, but Marcellas insists. "This was an opportunity for me to do something good for someone else," Marcellas says in the DR. "Hopefully, he'll remember that if I'm ever nominated for eviction." In other words, it's generous, but also self-interested, which is as generous as Marcellas is going to get. George picks up the pass and goes out to the dining room, where he tries again to return the pass to Marcellas. My favorite part is Marcellas's tiny glimmer of self-knowledge when he takes George aside again and urges him to take it, and then he says, "I never have these moments. Use the pass." I like the idea of trying to get people to accept your kindness by emphasizing its rarity. Finally, George gives Marcellas a hug and agrees to eat for the week. "That put Marcellas on quite a big pedestal to me," George DRs, shedding light on exactly why Marcellas did it. George says it was "a gift that [he] needed at that time." And George prattles on about kindness, and the tinkly music plays, and it's all really silly. George does seem to enjoy the pizza, though. I guess you take your moments of humanity where you can find them, especially where Marcellas is concerned.
Danielle surprises James in a private chat by saying she wants to put him up, because he'll be able to play for the veto then, and she desperately wants Janelle not to get the veto. James calls this "nuts." Danielle insists, however, that it will also give cover to their alliance. James isn't convinced, and Danielle admits that her plan is "risky." But Danielle really, really wants to get Janelle out. For whatever reason, James finds it necessary to mention to Danielle that Janelle is, unlike last year, "a fat piece of shit." Lovely. Do you kiss your girlfriend with that mouth? I guess the implication is that if Janelle weren't so fat, he wouldn't want to vote her out. Good thinking! James says he'd want to know he had the votes before he'd want to be nominated, but Danielle swears that it will work. James explains this plan in the DR, and says that he still doesn't like it, because it could so easily send him home. I hear that, certainly. If you took all the people who have been evicted after being assured they were only being nominated as pawns and laid them end to end, they would all still be idiots, but at least you'd have something to walk on.
Later, Danielle and Marcellas talk, and she wants to know what he thinks. Or she pretends she does. Marcellas thinks she should nominate Janelle and Kaysar. He thinks that in nominating them, she can just take the position, "Your behavior warrants your dismissal." He certainly does love pronouncements of that kind. They're like snotty little fortune cookies. Danielle comments in the DR that not only is Marcellas doing the oft-discussed "throw you under the bus" thing with Janelle, but he's throwing her under a semi, with a bus, and some cement, and himself on top of it. She...didn't get as far with that metaphor as she was hoping, I don't think. Simpler might have been better, you know? "Two buses." I don't know. Anyway, Marcellas stresses in the DR that someone from that S6 group needs to be sent home.
Kaysar pays a visit to Danielle, who wants to talk to him. She says, "Let's reason." She asks Kaysar whether he had a deal with Will and Mike. "No," he lies. She asks him whether Janelle had a deal with Will and Mike. "No," he says, either lying or wrong, depending on your view. Danielle wants to know, then, why Janelle didn't nominate Will and Mike when she had the chance. Because when somebody from one faction is up, and when she doesn't take either of two shots at getting out somebody from the other faction, it tends to raise eyebrows, after all. Kaysar stammers and totally fails to come up with an explanation. As Danielle says in the DR, she wanted Kaysar to explain what the hell they were thinking. She's right, of course, because many of us noted that the decision to leave Mike and Will alone really made no sense according to what S6 was claiming that its strategy was. The best Kaysar can do is to keep telling her that you don't go "guns blazing" in the first few weeks. For some reason, Kaysar considers himself a strategic genius who knows just how to play this game. Pay no attention to his tendency to be evicted before the milk gets sour. Kaysar tries to press Danielle about her situation with James, but she hedges, insisting that she makes her own decisions. She DRs that she needs to ensure that someone from Season 6 goes this week. I'm not sure I need to see anyone else make that remark, since I think it may have been said eight or ten times already.
Danielle stares at the pictures on the wall as Janelle speculates that Danielle will probably nominate her and Kaysar. Marcellas says that he doesn't trust Danielle entirely because he knows "better than anyone" what she can do. I really like Marcellas's whole theory that he was done wrong by Danielle, when in fact he was evicted based on Jason's vote after deciding not to veto himself. Kaysar says that he knows Danielle wants to get someone out of the "sovereign alliance." Good Lord, I wish he didn't sound so dead serious in using the words "sovereign alliance." It's not a Star Wars movie, dude, no matter what Howie tells you. Danielle, for her part, says that her only alliance is herself. James says that he knows that he's going up, but it's what Danielle has to do. Will tells us that he's in this Legion of Doom thing with Danielle, but he doesn't trust anyone and tends to be "very pessimistic" about the game. All evidence that he is running the whole thing to the contrary.
Danielle brings out the nomination box. She first says that her nominations are based on the nominations/veto sequence from last week. (In other words: Janelle made herself look dicey by cooperating in getting Mike off the block and then not nominating Will in his place.) She then pulls Erika's key. Erika pulls Howie's key. George. Mike. Marcellas. Will. And finally...Kaysar. So the nominees are James and Janelle. Danielle says that she did this in order to let the two biggest "bad-asses" fight it out over the veto. James acts all pissed off, but assures us in the DR that it was only an act. Janelle says that she was very surprised; James was very upset, and that Danielle apparently doesn't have the kind of relationship with James that Janelle thought she did. "I want Janelle gone," Danielle says, repeating that she needs James in the veto competition. That is a very risky strategy. We will have to see how it goes.
Tuesday
Tonight's show starts with blue-and-white evictions. Remember how James and Janelle were nominated, like, a paragraph ago? I knew you would. Howie smooching Janelle brings us to color, and Janelle says again that she was surprised to see James nominated. Mike, however, says that he wasn't surprised by any of it at all, since James as a member of the Legion Of Doom (barf), and their hope is to save James and get rid of Janelle. James says in the DR that he'd like to think today's nomination was a highlight of his "brief but nonexistent [?] acting career." He says that he channeled his anger toward Janelle and pretended it applied to his being nominated. James's anger toward Janelle is quickly becoming a creepy extra houseguest of sorts, capable of dominating rooms entirely on its own. I'd sort of be up for evicting James if he promised to take it with him.
In one of the bedrooms, James pretends to fret to Kaysar about the fact that Danielle nominated him, and Kaysar agrees that he's "shocked." Kaysar DRs that it's tough having "two of [his] strongest allies on the block." So there's a guy who's not following. Janelle comes into the bedroom, stands there with her hands on her hips, and says, "I hope she's ready to be demolished week. I can't believe she did that to you, James." Knowing as they do that Danielle and James have at least something of an alliance, I can't believe none of these people are hip to what's going on at all. "Seriously, I would have bet money on it that you wouldn't have been nominated." See, Janelle? See how weird it is? That's why you start paying attention. I feel like I need a dry-erase board to explain this to her. She seems to have no idea that James is imagining her turning into a giant turkey leg as we speak. Howie says in the DR that it will be a really tough decision for him between Janelle and James. And then, back in the bedroom, Howie says, "I know every alliance in the house now." I wonder if people say that kind of thing on purpose, to provide the editors with things that can be used to make them look silly. James tells us that the strategy Danielle is employing -- the nominate-your-allies part -- is "out there," but if it works, it should work well.
Up in HoH, Marcellas well and truly embarrasses himself by having a gloating, giggling conversation with Danielle in which he slaps hands with her and congratulates her for blowing out of the water any theory anyone might have had that she was working with James. I'm telling you, this is the other reason I'd never go on this show -- I would humiliate myself all the time in similar moments. Okay, probably not as badly as Marcellas, because he's sort of the champion of that, but still. Danielle gigglingly accepts his congratulations. She's kind of giggling at him and not with him, but it's not like he's going to know that. "It was brilliant," Marcellas tells her. "I applaud you." "I need to keep Marcellas in the dark," Danielle DRs. Seems to be working so far. Sometimes, I just sit back and imagine how much Marcellas will enjoy watching all this later. Sit back with me, won't you?
Kaysar and Janelle talk upstairs. Finally feeling a gear in the back of her head starting to turn, Janelle asks Kaysar if he thinks it's possible that James knew he was being nominated as a "decoy." Kaysar is sure that James didn't, because James would never go along with anything like that. "Are you sure?" Janelle asks. Kaysar is sure. Janelle wonders whether James is working with Danielle, but Kaysar is sure he isn't. Janelle DRs that she sometimes wonders whether James would sell them out. I WONDER. James DRs that as a result of "Janelle's hideous nominations," the floaters are all freaked out. And then he leaps off the DR chair and kneels facing it. He prays for the ability to get rid of "the evil, duplicitous Janelle." I have a feeling he smuggled a thesaurus into the house, that one.
Filler segment: The boys shave their body hair out in the backyard. Mike calls it "the House of the Hairless Men," and says that for him, it's too "met-ero-sexual." I think "meterosexual" is men who measure their dicks in British, but I'm not sure. This ends with George letting Howie shave him, which is a little unsettling.
Up in HoH, George pays Danielle a visit. This is a very weird, oddly maudlin scene in which George basically tells Danielle that he's been watching her, and that he thinks she's going to do great. He also says he's happy to watch her back, but he's probably not going to "make it to the end." Danielle sends him to go lock the door. Then she tells him to be strong for his family, and talks about how they're "the only parents here." She tells him that she doesn't talk about being here for her family, because she thinks people held that kind of talk against her in her original season. George says that he understands how she feels, and he tells her to get to the end and try to win. He claims that they're "a lot alike," and then they hug, and I really have no idea why we saw that segment at all. It's like George is there to be the Hallmark Hall Of Fame representative. All his moments are warm instead of biting, but somehow, the fact that all these other irritating people are looking down on him is mildly upsetting.
Later, Will, Janelle, and Erika lie on the balcony to the HoH room, and Erika asks Will to marry both of them. "You could have two hot wives," she says. Will tells them that he's "very flattered," and then says, "I'm always open-minded to an alliance. A ménage a trois alliance, is that what it is?" Erika laughs. She DRs that Will is charming, smart, and "easy on the eyes." Ech. Do people really still say "easy on the eyes"? I mean, with seriousness? Anyway, at this moment, Howie comes and interrupts the discussion. Will is in the middle of telling Janelle and Erika that he had an awesome girlfriend in medical school, but that it took a while for him to be able to be a good boyfriend, and Howie plunks down and starts eating. Janelle asks why it took so long, and Will says, "Because you have to learn, you know?" Boy, I heard that. Howie jumps in and says, "You're lucky in love." "Shut up, Howie," Erika says. Janelle DRs that Howie has been interrupting conversations a lot lately: "He doesn't add anything to the conversation that's...like, intellectual, or exciting, or even funny." Unlike things like the revelation that you make bananas get old by putting them on top of the refrigerator. That's intellectual, exciting, and funny. Back in the conversation Howie just interrupted, he says, "There's a big difference between knowledge...and wisdom." I'm sure it's one of his Jedi sayings. "Thanks, Howie," Erika mutters, and Will adds, "Good thing you're here." Howie finally gets up and leaves.
Erika goes back to the meat of the discussion, asking Will if it's possible to get over infidelity. Wow. That's an interesting question for a woman whose relationship recently broke up to be asking. Will says, "I don't think so." "What if it's not having sex?" Erika asks. I wonder what kind of infidelity she's talking about. I'm not suggesting there's no such thing at all; it's just an interesting question. Howie says something stupid again, so Will says quietly to Erika, "Can I beat the shit out of him with a pan just so I can have a conversation with somebody?" Erika laughs. Me too. Will DRs that while he's not "the most sensitive guy," he's periodically capable of deciding to share, and he wasn't fond of having this particular conversation with Erika and Janelle interrupted by Howie's stupid behavior. This segment ends with Howie downstairs trying to attract attention with further screwing around, while the group upstairs wonders if he will ever get married. "I think he's a little baby waiting for someone to hug him," Will says. "He just wants attention." "Big boy like boobies!" Howie says from downstairs. Nice. "Isn't it amazing how your tolerance for things just, like, plummets?" Will asks Janelle and Erika. I know just how he feels.
Danielle calls everyone inside to choose players for the veto competition. She's the first to draw, and in the DR, she says that she wants Mike and Will. Indeed, the first out of the bag is Will. Janelle takes Houseguest's Choice, and she chooses Marcellas, because she's stupid. She DRs that she couldn't get a guarantee from Kaysar or Howie that they'd use it on her, because of their conflict about James. So, of course, she chose the incredibly loyal...Marcellas. He runs up and jumps up and down squealing to Janelle like he lurves her and can't wait until they're on student council together, but in the DR, he tells us that he has no intention of helping Janelle, and she's entirely on her own. I will give Marcellas credit for one thing: he's usually not nearly that good at hiding his true feelings. He does seem to have gotten slightly better at that part. James draws Mike's name out of the bag. James says, in summary, that they feel good about the veto competition, and Danielle agrees in the DR that it's a great team, and it ought to mean the entire thing is all sealed up, because it's five people against Janelle. What could possibly go wrong? "Famous last words," of course, doesn't begin to describe it.
Later, Erika -- who's apparently the announcer -- gathers everyone in the living room for the competition. She sends the players into the backyard. There's a whole thing going on here that's really not relevant where they have a "graveyard" where you have to lie in your own grave. They all think they're going to be buried alive, which does not produce enthusiasm, understandably. But actually, it's just a thing where you lie on the ground so that you can't see anyone else and they can't see you. The way this works is that you start off with forty points, and then various offers are made. Sometimes, good things are offered, but you have to give up points to get them, and sometimes bad things are offered, and you get points if you accept them. You accept offers by buzzing in, but only the first person to buzz in gets the prize. In theory, you can't tell whether your buzz-in was the winner, but they soon realize that they can turn around and watch the point totals on their "headstones" change. Whoever winds up with the most points wins. Danielle says that, of course, the goal is to keep the veto away from Janelle, and she expects her whole group will do the same. Will, on the other hand, DRs that as long as he and Mike aren't going up in anyone's place, he couldn't care less who wins veto. The final detail: they won't reveal at the end who buzzed in for what, so it will be up to you to either figure it out or get people to tell you.
First question: Who is willing to have all the beds replaced with army cots, and the hot water shut off for the whole house for a whole week. Good for seven points. question: Who is willing to be in solitary confinement for twenty-four hours with just slop and a camping toilet? Good for nine points. "Are you kidding me?" Will asks in the DR. "No one's going to take that! And if they do, then they are an absolute psycho." Presumably, he means a different kind of absolute psycho than the kind that he fairly clearly is.
Third question: Give up three points to win the house a margarita party. Danielle says that she hopes Marcellas takes all the prizes, and that her team takes anything that offers more points. That will not happen. question: Give up five points to win a plasma TV. Mike DRs that he did tell Danielle he'd try to win the veto, but when he said that, he didn't know there were going to be delicious prizes. I have to say...I would take the plasma TV also. My TV is almost ten years old. It's time for a bigger one, don't you think? question: Give up five points to win a phone call from home. Danielle cries in her grave, and then in the DR, she says that she was willing to do anything, and she even gave up the phone call from home.
question: Give up five points to win a trip for two to Aruba. Will DRs that he's "not clairvoyant," but based on his knowledge of Mike, he was pretty sure Mike was going for prizes. Mike looks at his board and gives us the thumbs-up from his grave as he sees that he won the trip. Yeah, Mike's interest in winning veto? Not very powerful. : Who's willing to put the other four houseguests who are not playing (Erika, Kaysar, Howie, George) on slop for the week to earn eight points. "We're gonna get nailed," George comments inside. question: Give up seven points to win a pass for the rest of the summer so you never have to eat slop. I think we know what hothouse flower is taking that one. question: Pick up your chalkboard. How many points would you give up to win $5,000? Several zeroes go up. Finally: Give up the ability to play in week's veto competition to win ten points.
We come back from commercials, and it's time to find out what got taken and what didn't. One offer at a time, Erika reveals that every single thing -- both good and bad -- was taken by someone. One of the things I love is that every time something bad aimed at other people -- put the house in cots, put four people on slop -- comes up, Will acts like he doesn't think anyone's going to take it, despite the fact that I'm sure he knows somebody is going to take everything. Janelle tells us she's the one who put them all on cots. Will can't believe anyone took solitary confinement.
James says in the DR that he spent points on the margarita party because he didn't get either of the first two negative ones, so he figured he'd at least do something good for the house. Not very determined, there. Mike DRs that he went for the plasma TV. James also tells us he took the phone call. In the DR, Danielle can't believe all these "idiots" didn't keep the veto from Janelle so that the nominations wouldn't have to change. Janelle also says she put the other houseguests on slop. Among other things, this means that there will be no margarita party for them. When the trip to Aruba is discussed, Mike comments that between the plasma TV and the trip to Aruba, he's pretty sure Santa is coming to the Big Brother house. Janelle says that she doesn't mind not playing in the veto competition, but she doesn't want anyone to know. It is revealed that Will put up forty points on his chalkboard to get the money. "Look," he says in the DR. "Money can't buy you love. But money can buy you stuff -- and I LOVE STUFF!" Hee. Only the dork sweatband he's wearing around his head at this moment keeps it from being one of his best moments. In the DR, Danielle is in tears. "I am so done. 'Legion of Doom,' we're the Legion of Stupidity!" That's what you get for naming your alliance in the first place, I'd point out. You'll only want to mock yourself later. Also, isn't the obvious line, "'Legion of Doom,' we're the 'Legion of Dumb'?" Maybe my mind works in simplistic ways. When Erika says that someone took the slop pass, Marcellas jumps up and down and openly admits that this was him. Not too surprising, there. Janelle says that she was "annoyed" by this, because it meant that Marcellas didn't really try to save her. So she really was not reading that room well at all. And Marcellas tends to decorate pretty garishly, if we're following this metaphor.
And the veto winner? Janelle. So that worked the opposite of the way it was supposed to, from Danielle's point of view. "I'm surrounded by people who don't understand the game," she complains in the DR. Will says to us that it was okay with him for Janelle to win the veto, since now she's going to be around to go after Danielle , which leaves him untouched again, some more. So much for the Legion Of Doom, huh? Janelle says that Danielle's "worst nightmare just happened." And then she snots, "Oops, too bad, so sad," and does it in that cutesy, baby-voiced, pink-fuzzy-chair-liking way that makes it pretty clear that she no longer has any idea how she's coming off.
The houseguests sit around and talk about who did what. Kaysar thinks Mike walked off with $15,000 in two days. James comes clean that he took both the margarita party and the phone call. Will says that he got nothing.
And then we go to the DR, where Mike and Will are both there, and they're doing their usual shtick, but they're not on the phone today. They're just talking, sort of somberly. "Hey, Boogie, did you win, uh, P.O.V. today?" "Nah," Mike says, all depressed. "I won a trip to Aruba for two and a plasma television." He pauses. "Did you win P.O.V.?" "No. I won, uh, five thousand bucks." There is a pause. And then, of course, they laugh hysterically. Which...I mean, come on. Veto for two guys who aren't on the block, versus a few thousand dollars in prizes for each of them? Danielle should have known this wasn't happening. I hate myself for laughing at the same joke a million times, I really do. But here we are, and it's either this or decide to find Howie funny, you know? And for that, I wouldn't just have to hate myself -- I'd actually have to tie off a tiny part of my soul and devote it solely to that, resigned to the idea that I could never make blood flow through it again.
Outside, Janelle is asked about her point total at the end. She says that it was fifty-five, and confesses that she put them all on cots, and that she put the folks inside on slop. Those were, in fact, good for fifty-five points, so this part of her scheme isn't detectable. Basically, she's trying to avoid giving up the fact that she can't play for the veto week.
We then watch as all the beds in the house -- including the HoH bed -- turn into army cots. When the houseguests come inside, they are not pleased. "We can now say we are treated worse than prisoners," James says. I think there are ways in which that's arguably not true. Being free to leave at any time in return for giving up the right to compete for a $500,000 prize comes to mind.
But the solitary confinement thing is really what looks unpleasant, and that's where Danielle is going. She tells us she's glad she's going to be by herself, because she doesn't want to see any of the fools who played in the veto. She goes inside, and when the door closes, we see a twenty-four hour clock start. She paces inside.
Over in the bathroom, James experiments with a cold shower, which sucks. He tells us that he didn't even care if he was clean, because he was shaking. Of course, if he were smart, he'd turn on the water, get wet, and then turn the water off while he soaps up, and then turn it back on to rinse off, rather than running cold water on himself the entire time. I am thinking about this way too hard.
Outside, James and Janelle talk. He tells her he's not mad about the cots anymore. I'm sure that she's very relieved. Suspicious, she explores with him why he did things like spend points on the margarita party when he needed the veto to get off the block. This makes her think, of course, that perhaps he knows he doesn't really need the veto. Elsewhere, Will and Mike talk about how they also think it was nutty for James to lay down points for a margarita party. Will comments that James isn't safe enough to be squandering a chance at the veto. They then discuss the fact that they're the most obvious pair in the entire house. And, Will adds, as soon as S6 is broken up, they're going to be targeted . They hit on the idea of trying to make a target out of Marcellas by pinning the money and the plasma TV on him. Will says that he'll take the blame for the trip, and then they can put the other stuff on Marcellas. How diabolical.
As Janelle walks up, Will makes a point of talking about how he "can't make the math work," and then he asks Mike to leave so he can talk to Janelle. Indeed, Will then tells Janelle that he and Mike think Marcellas took the TV and the money. "I'm just extra-surprised that Marcellas was so greedy," Janelle DRs. "And he didn't even say he was sorry, either." Oh, man. She is on another planet. And she doesn't have enough air, I don't think. "We gotta get rid of Marcellas," Will says. "Yeah. He's horrible!" Janelle agrees. And thus does Will continue to create little firestorms of havoc between various other people in ways that take all the focus off himself.
Later, in the kitchen, Will, James, and Howie talk, and Will again advances this theory that Marcellas won the money. James says, "We need to send him home this week." Will agrees. James DRs that Marcellas "made out like a bandit for himself." He seems to believe that Marcellas got the TV and perhaps the money, though he seems less sure of that. He wants Marcellas to go home. Will tells the other guys that although he's going to support whatever Danielle wants, he's open to "calling a truce," I guess between the two alliances, in order to take out Marcellas. After Will leaves, James asks Howie, "Do we trust him?" "Yeah," Howie says.
That night, it's time for that margarita party that's caused so much trouble. Janelle is in a black dress, and George is in a little jacket. See, it turns out that Marcellas's one-week slop pass trumps George being put on slop by Janelle in the veto competition, so he was able to partake in the party. They get outside, and in addition to all the margaritas and stuff, there's a lot of Mexican food -- or what this show would provide as "Mexican food," anyway. The margaritas seem to be coming out of a machine, though. I don't know about that. "Just for clarification," Will asks in the DR, "did I just win five grand, blame it on Marcellas, and now I'm going to a margarita party where a drunk Janelle is going to hit on me all night?" He stops and puts his hands together. "You've got to love Big Brother: All-Stars." I, uh...I do right now, just a little.
Inside, Erika tells Howie that she's not going to the party (even those not eating are mostly at least visiting). She says that it's because Danielle is a "prisoner." I wonder if Erika knows Danielle isn't a real prisoner.
Meanwhile, in solitary, Danielle talks to herself about why she's in this room while people who are in her alliance are out in the yard having margaritas. I'm sure being in that room is really boring, but pacing around talking to yourself isn't going to make you feel that any less, Danielle.
James sneaks into the DR to take his phone call from Sara. She calls him "handsome," as in "hey, handsome," which...bleh. I do not like the word "handsome," and I'm not sure why. It's sterile or something. I think of it as something you call a guy you hope will loan you money. Anyway, Sara is all happy, because apparently, she's been seeing him crossing his fingers to tell her he loves her. And she hasn't yet seen "fat piece of shit," which I don't think pleases any girlfriend, no matter what she says. He gets all sniffly. They say they love each other. Not very interesting. He does say, though, that the call was "incredibly uplifting." Dear Everyone On This Show: You are not actually in jail. Love, Miss Alli.
Back in solitary, Danielle is still having no fun whatsoever. She voices over that it's "like jail, literally." Across the country, people in jail take a moment away from being in jail to roll their eyes. Elsewhere, Will talks about how weird it is having this lady closed in a room with them all peeking in to look at her. As Danielle voices over how tough she's going to be, and how she's ready to play, we watch her working out, like Ashley Judd in prison in that one movie about the law where, ironically, there's no law, because the real law has been superseded by the pretend law.
As Danielle's time in solitary comes to an end, everyone gathers outside to chant, "Free Danielle!" Finally, the door opens and she comes out. She laughs in the DR that this did feel pretty good, to have everyone waiting for her. And then she wanted to talk to "everybody and their mama" to find out what happened while she was locked up. Whether her baby's been running around on her, and so forth.
Danielle chats with Mike and Erika, and Mike broaches the bit about how everyone's mad at Marcellas, so he proposes putting Marcellas up. Danielle seems a bit surprised by this, and surprises on this show are almost never pleasant. Danielle invites Erika to join her in the HoH room. Upstairs, Danielle can't believe that they all want to take out Marcellas now. James brings some food, and Danielle makes a point of telling him that she cried a lot over not getting the phone call. James looks down at the table, and I think he actually feels a little bit bad. Nobody is immune to Sad Mom. James now asks for a few minutes with Danielle, so Erika obligingly leaves. Man, I've seen servers at Applebee's who didn't take as many orders as Erika. James tells Danielle that, indeed, they'd like Marcellas to go up. The theory is that Marcellas should go because he played in the veto for himself, and if Marcellas is nominated, he'll come after Danielle.
Janelle tells us that her only concern about using the veto is that Kaysar will be up, most likely. I don't think it's a very big concern. James tells us that he'd hate to see Kaysar take the fall for Janelle betraying the alliance.
Janelle doesn't prolong the veto ceremony any. She goes ahead and vetoes herself, and she manages to do it in the most obnoxious, that-blonde-girl-in- High-School-Musical way you ever saw, presenting it like it's winning Miss America. "I've decided to use the power of veto..." she says, "on myself!" And she flips her hair all around and giggles like there's paparazzi everywhere. When you've been targeted for perfectly legitimate reasons (see: your very own rant last week about how dominant you are), I don't see why it's necessary to grind your heel in the faces of everyone whose vote you hope to get later. That routine is only going to piss people off -- even your own allies, because Kaysar isn't exactly going to think it's awesomely funny that he's about to be nominated. And then, again mustering as much snot as she possibly can, and possibly some she's borrowing from others, Janelle tells Danielle that since one of the nominations has been vetoed, she'll have to put up someone else. Man, I can't believe I liked her last year. She is horrible.
Danielle announces to the group that it's "about numbers," and that because she already told Howie he was safe, she has to put up Kaysar. He joins James in the other nomination chair. Still chirpy in spite of her supposed close friend going up, Janelle ends the meeting. And now she's all, "Danielle had better watch her back" and so forth. Danielle says that she wasn't going to let S6 control everything, and she had to do what was best for her. Kaysar becomes the latest idiot to whine about being "back-doored" simply because he was put up after a veto. Who will be out on Thursday? Well, you'll just have to watch on Thursday, won't you?
Thursday
When we last left our houseguests, Kaysar and James were on the block after Janelle saved herself. Remember? I'm pretty sure you do.
Julie is in an off-the-shoulder black lace top this week, so once again, she has managed not to look like she's being dressed by pirates, chimney sweeps, or street urchins. She says that the most powerful alliance in the house, S6, will be losing someone for sure. It's true, provided you count James as part of that alliance, which you sort of shouldn't. She also announces something about the upcoming "coup d'état" power. But first! What will James and Kaysar do?
Blue-and-white Janelle hatefully twitters over vetoing herself. Screw her friends! She hugs Kaysar, because she's tooootally sorry he's on the block, and now we are in color. Kaysar says that he's not surprised to be on the block, because Danielle was targeting his alliance. James repeats that it was the agreement that he would be a pawn, and that Kaysar is the "best secondary target" after Janelle. I certainly wish Kaysar, if he's going, could take James with him, perhaps stuck to his shoe. I would miss neither of them.
Kaysar presses Erika for her support, reminding her that he's always been good to his word, but he says that he won't "beg for a vote." She says that she doesn't think her vote will matter. He tries to tell her that she may need someone later, and then he decides to go with "you owe me," telling her that he's tried in the past to keep her from getting bounced. Whatever. Kaysar says, "This tells me that it doesn't really matter what kind of respect you afford people." So no begging; just guilting, I guess. Apparently, Kaysar sees her vote as something she should give as a reward for past good behavior, the way that if someone was nice to you while you were playing chess, you wouldn't take their queen later. That's how you play, right? I really hate it when they do this shit, as you all now know. People do not owe you. People do what's best for them, just as you should do what's best for you, because It. Is. A. Game. Ee-gads. Erika says in the DR that she likes Kaysar the best out of everyone, so it's "head versus heart." She knows that Danielle wants Kaysar out, but she isn't sure what's best for her. She tells Kaysar that she needs time to think, and she hasn't made up her mind yet. Kaysar acts all disapproving and leaves.
Janelle talks to James about the fact that either he or Kaysar will be leaving. James reminds us in the DR that he has the power to nullify someone's vote. So far, James has the votes of Will and Mike, so he needs George, Marcellas, or Erika in order to stay. He's assuming, I guess, that he's not getting Howie's vote, but will be nullifying Janelle's. Janelle asks James whether, if she puts up Danielle week, James will vote her out. He says that he will, if he's still here. James says that he should get an acting award if he can convince S6 that he thinks he's doomed.
Kaysar and George chat in the supply room. Kaysar decides to call upon what a good person he is, and strongly implies that George should vote on that basis. George says that he won't promise what he's going to do, but he says that he will always remember Kaysar treating him well. "If I've wronged you, then send me out of this house," Kaysar says. Because, I guess, Kaysar is in charge of telling people the basis on which they should vote now. It would suck if no one wronged you and you had no one to vote against. They hug, as fools often do on this show.
, Kaysar tries to work on Mike, telling him that if he votes out James, Kaysar will stay. I guess Kaysar is assuming he's getting Erika and George's votes, even though they specifically said they weren't committing. Kaysar tries to offer Mike an alliance of S6 plus Mike and Will to take out "the floaters," which includes Erika and George, both of whom he just appealed to on the basis that he was so good to them. It's bad enough to be moralistic about a game that's not about that, but he's not even right. Kaysar's no less of a snake than anyone else; he just talks about it differently. He's another one of those people who should just admit he wants to win. He wants the money. Nobody would think poorly of him. Just admit it, you know? "I definitely trust you more than James," Mike says.
Quite reasonably, Mike explains in the DR that he feels very good about where he is right now. For once, he and Will are basically in a win-win situation, listening to offers.
Now, Kaysar goes to Janelle and tells her that he went to Mike about this, and claims that Mike said, "Okay, let's do it." I...didn't see that part. When Janelle asks whether Kaysar talked to George, Kaysar says that George told him, "I can't vote for you to leave." That didn't happen either! Dude. How could he read a specific comment that George was not going to commit as George committing? Is Kaysar delusional? Or is he lying to Janelle? Either would make for an interesting development. In the DR, Kaysar says that he has George (not), that he has Howie and Janelle, and that he then needs two more votes, which he's hoping to get from Mike and Will. And then, he says, he'll be able to "start decimating Erika, Marcellas, and Danielle." So you're going to decimate Erika? I thought you were Erika's friend. And you can't really "decimate" three people, dude. "They brought it upon themselves," says Kaysar high-and-mightily to Janelle, now that he has apparently figured out how to keep himself in the house using imaginary votes that people have not agreed to give him. "This is really going to crush their dreams," Janelle giggles, and Kaysar giggles back. So much for the classier than thou routine, I guess.
Julie goes to the living room, where she talks about the veto competition, and how it made them all crazy. Asked if they were surprised by the number of prizes people went for, James, Will, and Mike say no; Janelle, Marcellas, and Danielle say yes. Interesting how except for Marcellas, the men weren't surprised, but the women were all offended. Julie asks Danielle about being in solitary during the margarita party. Danielle says that she "did what [she] had to do." Now that's a lame answer. Julie asks George about his week off slop, and reminds him that tomorrow, he'll be back on it. He is, incidentally, smoking a pretend pipe made from a straw and...something. A cork or something. Hey, at least it's not "Mr. Fart" or tin-foil clothing. Julie asks George whether he can live through the rest of the game on slop, and George cackles and says, "Who knows?" Then he decides to change his answer and assures Julie that he can do it. Then, Julie tells us that coming up, we'll meet Mike and Will's moms. Oh, boy.
After commercials, it's time for the mom segment. "Nothing is beneath Will and Mike Boogie," Julie announces. Which is a little much, probably. But now, it's time to meet their mothers. In Basalt, Colorado, we meet Will's Mom, Judy, from whom he appears to have gotten his eyes. She has sort of poodly gray hair, but not really in a bad way, particularly. Judy says that even as a kid, Will was "thinking and plotting and planning." She adds that he was a little shy, but he "always had girlfriends." I'll bet. We revisit some of his flirting with Janelle, and his mother says that for him, the talk with Janelle is all strategy. We watch a conversation in which Will asks Janelle if she would like him outside the house, and she says that she would, pronouncing him "dreamy." And then he says, "I mean, I would never date you." Heh. Judy says that she wants him to stay away from Howie, because Howie is too handsy. I'm with you, Mrs. Evil.
Now, in Gilford, New Hampshire, we meet Bonnie, Mike's mom, who says that she raised Mike by herself. Turns out Mike was quite a round little kid, which isn't so surprising when you think about what his face looks like. In other words, his face looks quite natural on a chubby kid. But it turns out that when he got older, he got interested in speed skating, and that slimmed him down. It does cast a little bit more interesting light on what we know about his workout regimen, I guess. Though, not much. All interesting lights are dim at best when it comes to this show, and Mike in particular. His mom also says that he's a natural flirt, and Bonnie comments that Mike and Erika are friends, and then we see them lying in bed together with him rubbing her hair. That's...new, as far as I know. It's kind of gross to introduce your romantic storyline through your mom, it seems to me. "And now, to explain whom I'm sleeping with...my mother! Give her a hand, ladies and gentlemen." Bonnie does say that she thinks they have a secret alliance, and then we see Mike in his shirt that says, "Anyone for a showmance?" Ew. You can't beg for it right on your shirt, dude. There's a bit where Erika gives back rubs to Will and Mike, and Will asks Mike about his "power animal." Mike's is a cobra, but Will thinks he's doing it wrong, because his is a two-pound Yorkshire terrier. He thinks he needs a "more powerful power animal." I think my power animal is Will, which is interesting.
Both moms think that the boys are really funny, but also have good strategy. Bonnie says "they just enjoy being evil." Judy tells us "Will will go all the way," and Bonnie says, "I'm proud to be one of the Chill Town moms." Ewwww. If I ever named my friends, I guarantee my mother would have the good sense to be really embarrassed.
Julie tells us that James has this choice to make, which is that he got the power to nullify a vote, and he needs to make sure it's the right one, or he could evict himself. It won't happen, but how awesome would that be?
When we return from commercials, it's time for Danielle's pointless bedroom interview, in the great tradition of pointless bedroom interviews since time immemorial. Julie asks Danielle about having asked Erika to give up the HoH and let her have it, given that she apparently had said she wanted to lay low after starting so much trouble in the first week. Danielle says that she decided she was comfortable taking the situation in hand. Julie asks if Danielle trusts anyone, really, and Danielle names James. Bleh. Bad choice! Then, Julie asks Danielle about James taking the phone call when she herself didn't, and Danielle says that she was very upset, and she wants to apologize to her family.
That interview was even more unnecessary than the "Mr. Fart" shirt.
First, houseguests talk in the DR about the nominees. Marcellas says he's thrilled that two people from S6 are nominated. But he trusts James more than the others, because James has done the least. Will says that he'd love to surprise everyone and get rid of James, because James is "completely untrustworthy." In other words, unpredictable, and Will hates that. Howie says that it might be safer to get rid of James. Erika says that she can't really compare. George says that he doesn't want Kaysar to go. Janelle says Kaysar leaving would be bad for her. Mike says that he's just happy that he and Will have made it another week, so it's "win-win either way."
Back in the living room, Julie talks to the nominees. She gives them the opportunity to say final words, reminding them that they don't want to say anything stupid, since people haven't voted yet. James goes first. He thanks America for being put back into the house, and thanks his housemates, and then he tells them to vote what they think is best for themselves. Kaysar also thanks America for putting him there and his housemates. He says that he's tried to be honest and straightforward and so forth, and has earned the respect of some folks in the house. "While others, not so much." Not the bad ones, in other words. And then he tells them to vote the way they think is best.
Our first order of business is for James to go into the DR and tell us which vote is being nullified. Unsurprisingly, he is not insane, and he chooses Janelle's vote. Julie sends him back to the living room. There's a severe overload of walking music here -- you know, the tense little filler music for when someone walks to the diary room during the live show. It's like the music they'd use on a game show while people are writing down their answers. For now, we have to go to another commercial, believe it or not, but we'll be back in a moment for some voting. And, undoubtedly, for more walking music.
When we return, it's time for the vote. Julie reminds us that about two minutes ago, James cancelled Janelle's vote, not that she will know this. Marcellas is the first to vote. (Walking music.) Julie says that Marcellas has a crush on Kaysar, but knows he's a great competitor. Marcellas cheerfully votes to evict Kaysar. Howie kisses Marcellas on the face as they pass each other. Howie puts his hand up over his face and votes to evict James. Erika votes to evict Kaysar, but only "unfortunately." Janelle votes to evict James. Will, with his hair even more '70s than usual -- the EEFPs pegged it perfectly as late-stage Peter Brady -- says Mike sent him a signal he hopes he's reading correctly, and he will be voting out Kaysar. George votes to evict Kaysar, whom he calls "K-czar." That would be a great name for a long-ago Russian rapper. Mike votes to evict Kaysar. Like some others, Mike mentions that it's Kaysar's birthday. That's going to be one bitter cake.
Julie returns us to the living room, where she reveals that after James's nullified vote is tossed, Kaysar has been evicted 5-1. Kaysar and James hug. Janelle tries to get a "What up, Kaysar?" going on his way out, but it's not at all what he's in the mood for, and it turns really awkward. They all applaud him as he leaves. I think none of these people really have anything against Kaysar, except that he's sort of self-serious and boring. I know most of them would much rather be throwing out Janelle. It would certainly make me much happier.
Kaysar meets Julie in the power gazebo. Back in the house, milling around ensues. Kaysar's picture is already black and white. That was quick. Danielle is standing around looking miserable. Back in the gazebo, Julie asks Kaysar whether it was hard being on the block against his friend and ally, James. Kaysar says that it was, because they'd had this "falling out" last year, and Kaysar wanted to fix things, and Kaysar wanted everything to be cool. And, of course, he's sure that everything ultimately was cool. Julie decides to reveal to Kaysar that James is in an alliance with Danielle, Mike, and Will, and even tells him it's called the Legion Of Doom. Julie also says that James's entire strategy was to get Janelle out of the house. I hope Kaysar isn't on the jury, because if he is, this kind of isn't appropriate. Julie also lets fly some of the things that James has said about Janelle, including "stupid bitch" and "Anna Nicole Smith wannabe," and some other stuff. Kaysar shakes his head in disappointment. "I guess it just goes to show I'm not cut out for this game," Kaysar says. "I tried to play with honesty, and I've tried to play the best I can, and...it's disappointing. You get played in this game...I played for the team, and the team didn't play for me." Yet another sufferer of the dreaded awesomeness surplus! Can you believe that? It's got to be one of the most serious afflictions currently affecting our nation.
And now, Kaysar's goodbyes. Erika says tat he was her "best friend in this house." I hate the abuse of language. "I honestly don't believe I would have wanted to be here if you weren't here," she continues, in spite of the fact that she just...voted him out, presumably to improve her chances of staying there without him. Whatever, lady. Janelle, of course, talks about how loyal he was, and how she and Howie and James can hopefully stay together go after "the floatherd." Do we really need this? All this naming of every group of people? It's so stupid. And that one is apparently ripped off of The Sound Of Music, which makes it even stupider.
Mike's goodbye is very interesting, because in a way, it's very much "I told you so," but it doesn't seem mean. It seems a little regretful. Mike says, "You should've got down with Chill Town earlier. I tried to tell you something that you're going to see very shortly, and that's that you could not trust your boy James." Will says it even more bluntly: "I hate to say this, but somehow 'I told you so' just doesn't cut it. I told you James was going to peel off, and he did. With me. For the time being, I have James, and...well, he stabbed you in the back." It's incredibly bad to hear, but again, it's said with a minimum of meanness, and it's not even gloating, really. It's very matter-of-fact, like, "I told you this would happen, and you didn't believe me, and it happened." It almost sounds like, "Dude, if you ever play this game a fourth time...." In James's goodbye, he blames Janelle, saying that she was stupid and he couldn't let her keep destroying everything for the group. So he...destroyed the entire group, I guess. To keep...Janelle? From destroying...the group? He adds, "Her selfishness and her stupidity were taking our team to the path of destruction." Very dramatic. Shut up, twerp. "I had to take action into my own hands," James says, which invariably means, "I wanted to do what I wanted to do, so I did it, and now I'm to blame you for leaving me no choice, even if I obviously had all kinds of choices."
Julie talks to Kaysar about how James was a pawn to remove Janelle, and she tells him that she hopes his birthday gets better. Asked for final thoughts, Kaysar says again that he's "not meant for this game." He's going back to his "loved ones" to "take in what happened." For fuck's sake, dude, you didn't see the Blair Witch. You got voted off Big Brother by a dude who was a backstabber this year after being a backstabber last year. You do not need to regroup with your loved ones. You need to get a job and stop posing for publicity photos for your website. Kaysar complains some more about this, and about how he couldn't avoid all the "daggers," and then mercifully, we are done with him.
When we return? The past is coming back to haunt everyone. That doesn't sound good. For me, among other people.
When we do return, Julie tells us that there are "ghosts" that have been haunting the house all week. We first see Erika sitting at the dining-room table when she sees Alison in the two-way mirror, holding a red flashlight under her chin. Nobody believes her when she reports this, though. My favorite one comes when Janelle sees one of these "ghosts" in her room and screams and screams and screams. I think she's still upset. People continue to see faces, and they continue to scream, and it all continues to get more and more silly. And then "ghostly" images walk around the house stealing stuff. How. Even for this show, this is stupid.
Eventually, Danielle brings everyone to a "séance" that she's been commanded to call. She reports that everything, including these "sightings," is for some reason. There is a chant, and then Bunky is the first to appear. He comments on their naming a spider after him. He says Will can probably treat spider bites. He vanishes. Then, Alison appears and says, "Don't worry, Erika and Janelle. I'm not real. Just like your...well, I think we all know." Briefly, it makes me sad that she left so early. And then? JOSH. Remember Josh? I know my intestines do. God. He says that he loves Danielle, and then he says Marcellas's robe smells. He has now contributed as much to this season as he did to his own. Season 5's Holly appears and refers to Will as "Dr. Delicious." She says that she took the devil duck. "Vote that chick in," Will says. She's gone. And then Eric -- oh, sorry, I mean Cappy -- is there. This is something of a parade of horrors. Eric stole the "black knight," he explains. And somebody stole George's necklaces or something, and blah dee blah. And then, the séance is over. So they all came back to, like, read one line? Man. Those people's agents are not earning their money.
Back in live real time, the houseguests are all out in the yard in their little booths, and each of them has a buzzer, and an indicator showing "True" or "False." They'll be asked questions about what just happened in the séance, and if they guess wrong, they'll be out. If everybody's right, then the last person to buzz in with the right answer is out. Gradually, people are eliminated on stupid questions of all kinds. Not exactly a game of skill. In the end, the last two standing are James and Erika, and Erika takes it. So it appears that Janelle has run out of luck at long last. It's about time, to say the least.
Before commercials, we are warned that week will be Prom Night. I don't even want to know what that's going to mean.
When Julie comes back from commercials, she's got the houseguests all lined up in the backyard, and she tells us about the special power, and that whoever wins will have the ability to overthrow the HoH and replace nominations "in any of the three" eviction ceremonies. Nobody but the winner will know what the power is until it's used. We go into the backyard, and she tells the houseguests only that they will win it by watching for a few days for clues to "a well-known phrase that applies to the Big Brother game." Whoever gives the right answer in the diary room first will win the power -- but she doesn't tell them what it's going to be, and she will only tell the winner what the power is after they learn that they've won it. Julie sends them inside the house to look at their first clue, which is a sheep. With a pink bow around its neck. Make of that what you will, but try to forget that they're stranding the sheep with Handsy Howie.