The Dearly Departed

S07E03

Outside, Ashley pulls up in her product placed sports car and pauses at the door of the Man Manor to reflect on how lucky she is to be able to date 15 men simultaneously and have no one think she's a big time slut. If only we could all be so lucky. Then she heads in and goes to greet the scrum of bachelors awaiting her. She goes to find Ben C. to explain that she chose him for the date because he made her promise to include him the time there was dancing. He feigns excitement at public dancing, when it was clear that he just said that to suck up to her. When we cut to Ashley's interview, she explains that any notion that survived the multiple assassination attempts on Glee that flash mobs were a "cool" thing is officially dunzo. Yep, the coroner is calling it, flash mobs are dead. Sorry whatever hipster culture-jamming art group that started the trend (I suspect Germans), but Ashley and Ben C. are going to kill your little alt-dream right now.

Before they can pretend they are cool, Ashley drags Ben to a dance studio for a private lesson. Sadly, that's not a euphemism at all. Ben pretends to be enjoying himself and doesn't seem to ask why they are learning this dance, but instead accepts that Ashley likes to dance, so they are dancing, the end. Ben claims that watching Ashley do something that she loves is a better aphrodisiac than Spanish Fly and Colt.45 and a tequila shot combined. He is definitely smitten. Then the gruesome twosome head to a patch of green grass in the middle of a mall. Ben seems to think this is a fine place to pass an afternoon of canoodling, and then lets Ashley cajole him into performing their special dance in the middle of a gathered crowd of gawkers. I don't exactly know who these yokels are who feel the need to film an ex-Bachelor contestant on a date, but they are probably the same chuckleheads who stand behind barricades in Soho lining up to shop at DASH, the Kardashians' store. I mean, for the love of god, WHY? Don't you people have parents who love you?

Anyway, Ashley convinces Ben, who is either savvy enough to do anything to win, or is such a sap that he will do anything that Ashley asks, gets up and joins her in a little dance. Then everyone joins them in a flash mob ...sigh. They all dance while old people stare in wonder and amazement at the newfangled things the kids are up to these days. First the talkies, now this! The flash mobbers (who all need to get back to their day jobs, like, NOW) all perform Ashley's choreographed routine around the happy couple and then disappear into the ether. Because my day job is at IFC, I keep thinking of the Fred Armisen Portlandia sketch where he bikes around declaring, "This is SO over!" That's how I feel about this whole thing. It's SO over. Then Ashley surprises Ben by jumping on him and wrapping her legs around him and then with a performance by the Far East Movement ((I would say they were some band that no ones ever heard of, but their YouTube video got 68 MILLION views and I don't want to appear unworldly), whose agent and moms must be really proud of them for being on this show. As Ashley gets in touch with her inner Woo Girl, Ben realizes that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Sucker. Then the crowd shames Young Matlock into kissing Ashley and everyone cheers. Except me, because I am too busy watching Far East Movement videos on YouTube so I can seem as hip as a flash mob.