Meet the Meat

S07E01

is J.P. (no relation?) who works in construction management in New York City. I don't know what that is either, but he uses a pencil, so it must be kinda old timey. He also shops for wine at the farmer's market, so he must be both rich and not actually interested in good wine.

Following in J.P.'s footsteps is Ames. And when I tell you that you want to punch Ames in the face the second you meet him, BELIEVE ME. Ames is just one of those people. For example, when telling us that he went to Yale for undergrad, he does not think you are smart enough to know that Yale is in Connecticut. So he tells you. Then he got two masters from Columbia and a doctorate from Harvard. Want to punch him in the babymaker yet? OF COURSE YOU DO. Now sit on your hand so you don't sock your TV in the nose, because when I tell you the bit you're going to want to: He's a portfolio manager. Yes, he's a finance guy, who has run 39 marathons, including ultra-marathons. And he wonders why he's single. Go marry a marathon and roll around in money, you schmuck! I hate you! I hate you!

Like a breath of fresh air comes Ben C., a musician and lawyer from New Orleans who lives life with hope and love. is Ben F. (no relation?) who is a winemaker in Sonoma. Holy shit, you guys, if Ashley marries him, she gets FREE WINE FOR LIFE. Marry him! Also, he has a dead dad, which is tragic, but also means he is going to be in the finals.

is a man tragically named Bentley who is a divorced father to an adorable two-year old girl tragically named Cozy. Why do you hate babies, Bentley? Why? up is Anthony, a fourth generation butcher from New Jersey, who is clearly there more for our entertainment and his 15 minutes of fame than for Ashley's vision quest. It's a little sad.

Or you think it is sad until a minute later when you meet West. Oh, West. He is a kindly lawyer from South Carolina, a younger Matlock perhaps. But, you see, West has a great love. His dead wife. Will Ashley ever be able to compete with the ghost of his true love who he found dead in the bathtub after an unfortunately timed seizure? And if she can't compete with the ghost of love lost, will she ever be able to break up with West on national television? What if she makes him cry? Will the nation rise against the woman who made this poor sad lonely man cry?

is William, a cell phone salesman from Ohio, who has had about as much luck in love as he is having a faulty umbrella in a windstorm. In his favor, William has a hard-luck back story, not just in love, but in his family life, too. His father was an alcoholic who died on the same day as William's watch. He could buy a new watch, but not a new father. The tragedies are just piling up on this show! I guess after the success of Emily, who won Brad's heart after her rich racecar driver fiancé died in a plane crash days before she found out she was carrying his daughter, the producers are just loading the bachelor deck with potentially heartwarming, ratings-grabbing, attention-getting, tragedies. Well done, Western Civilization!