By LuluBates
on the couch is Chris L., Chris Harrison reminds us that Chris was the dark horse in the competition. His Massachusetts roots and quiet strength were a winning combination, but compared to Roberto's smoking hot good looks and Spanish language skills, Chris's charms just paled in comparison. Like, literally. In case you missed Chris's exit from the show (you know, thirty minutes ago) they replay the entire scene from start to finish. Just to fill time. Basically, Ali knew she loved Roberto and decided to give Chris the boot a day early.
Harrison asks Chris if watching that scene hurt. Chris nods that yes, yes, it was not fun to watch. Harrison then wants to know if Chris had more time with Ali, like if she had actually allowed him the dignity of going on that last date, would he have won her over? Chris can't say for sure, but he had some serious Massachusetts Moves he was going to whip out. So yeah, maybe? Or not. Did he mention that he has a dead mom? Ali chose the one with a living mom. So maybe that's what she was looking for in a relationship? But then Chris reconsiders and ends up saying that Ali had two great guys at the end of her path to love and she chose the other one. You can't force love.
At this point I'm fully expecting a CGI version of The Supremes to pop up and sing back up with him. Instead we get Harrison reminding us that Chris hasn't seen Ali since she broke his heart into itty bitty pieces and fed it to a Tahitian sting ray. Harrison brings her out on stage and it is pretty much just as awkward as you would expect a nationally-televised reunion of two exes to be. It's just plain AWKWARD, but everyone plays nice. Ali thinks Chris looks great. Chris hopes Ali is happy. Harrison adds to the pig pile of awkwardness by asking Ali what it was specifically about Chris that Ali didn't like. What made Chris so much worse than Roberto? Ali tries to be nice about it and claims that she and Chris were more friend material, but basically says Roberto is really fucking hot and Chris is not.
Harrison then reminds those of us with no short-term memory that a rainbow appeared in the sky over Chris's bungalow the moment Ali dumped his ass. It was clear to everyone involved that Chris's dead mom gave him that rainbow as a hug and a reminder that he will always be mommy's special little guy and that fake blonde tramp never deserved him anyway. Then Chris thanks Ali for taking him on this magical journey even if she did leave him on the side of the road to be pecked at by buzzards until he died and Gil Grissom (or, god forbid, David Caruso) had to identify his body via dental records. But really, thanks. Harrison sends Chris back into anonymity. There is no way they are going to have Chris be the new Bachelor. He needs medicating and a hug and elocution lessons and maybe a personality transplant.
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