DeAnna says she's so excited to go to the guys' hometowns and meet their families. "It's definitely getting serious, and it's definitely getting scary," she says. She says she has feelings for all of the guys, in different ways.
First up is Jeremy, looks like, since we have to revisit that moment when DeAnna was prodded into forcing Jeremy to reveal that his parents are dead.
Then there's Jesse: "The kid I would never have pictured myself with," says DeAnna. "Kid"? She says he's changed her mind about him, and she can see them hanging out and having fun, and still being serious, despite the fact that Jesse didn't stick his tongue down her throat at the first or any opportunity.
Jason is a wonderful guy, and there's no doubt that he is here "for the right reasons," says DeAnna, that weird phrase that means "willing to serve my every whim," apparently. Jason "reveals" for the eightieth time that he has a son, and we're reminded again that DeAnna has absolutely no problem with that, which is nice of her.
Graham is "unbelievable smokin' hot" who makes her feel like a "giddy schoolgirl," says DeAnna. But they've had a rocky relationship, which means Graham isn't showing his love for her by being okay with her dating twenty-five guys at once.
"I know that this is the week where things get serious," she says. Well, sure! After all, what has it been, real time? Four weeks? That's almost a month. I'd asked my wife's father for his blessing inside of three weeks after meeting her, so I can understand her impatience.
First hometown is Breckinridge, Colo., where Jesse demonstrates how he shreds or extremes or other snowboarding lingo. DeAnna stands there watching him, and in a talking-head says she hopes he'll really open up since he's in his element.
DeAnna's never been snowboarding before, so Jesse holds her hands and they head down a gentle slope facing each other. They try holding just one hand, and when DeAnna lets go completely, she's on her face inside of two seconds. Cut to Jesse sincerely saying that DeAnna "killed it" and she's such a "natural athlete."
Jesse raves about how she got up after she fell, since he expected her to fall on her little badonkadonk. Both of them seem to agree that DeAnna is the biggest hero in recorded history for getting up after falling down while snowboarding.
After amazingly not dying, DeAnna shares some hot chocolate with Jesse while they chat about his family, and then things like how awesome it was DeAnna fell off the bull and he was the first one over to rescue her or whatever. Jesse wants to ride a "chairlift into the sunset" and I'm about ready to fire them off directly into the sun. Although him carrying her on his back as he rode down the hill was rather impressive. Jesse says his feelings have been kicked into "high gear," and we're off to meet the parents.
At Jesse's place, the living room is dominated by a picture for JSAK, which Jesse says is his charity organization that helps provide snowboarding opportunities for kids from families that don't have a ton of extra money. I have to admit I'm impressed that Jesse hasn't been talking this up every show. Everything's labeled in Jesse's apartment, and there are snowboards hanging up. "You can tell that you live here," she says. Because if he doesn't, then they're trespassing.
Jesse's parents arrive, with his dad wearing a baseball hat with a blond wig underneath. Heh. Jesse's dad looks like Old Jesse. They sit down for supper and Jesse's mom asks DeAnna how she likes his hair, and DeAnna says she likes it, and I totally think Jesse's mom hates it and was hoping for an ally. Jesse's dad asks her some weird question about "sharing" and then she babbles some reply. Jesse heads up to the bedroom for a heart to heart with his dad, who asks if DeAnna looks away when Jesse looks at her, and says, "The eyes are the window to the soul." Meanwhile, DeAnna's learning some of the family secrets -- Jesse's parents had given up on having children, and Jesse was born twelve years in.
Are Jesse and Old Jesse still talking? Old Jesse is telling his son to open up. "My dad is one heck of a dude," says Jesse in a talking-head, because Old Jesse's advice is exactly what DeAnna's been saying, although I have to imagine Jesse's dad brought up Brad a whole lot less.
So Jesse's dad heads out on the deck with DeAnna so they can talk about whether Jesse's ready to get married, and Old Jesse gets verklempt when talking about being blessed with Jesse, and DeAnna knows what he means, because she is "truly blessed" for having met Jesse, and then I threw up for about eight hours.
And then Jesse and DeAnna go off on a carriage ride and the two of them make out and Jesse says he's going to "kick it up about ten notches" and the other guys aren't going to know what hit them, i.e. "I'm going to have to give this showering thing a try."
And now we head to Dallas to meet Jeremy's family, and she gets all excited because he comes riding up in a motorcycle. I think she's totally going to ditch last period so they can go smoke under the football-field bleachers, guys. Jeremy says it was supposed to be a short bike ride, but he enjoyed having her on his back, so he stretched it out. So because of the extra fuel usage, it's safe to say that DeAnna is indirectly to blame for global warming.
Jeremy's got a really nice place, and has his guyhood questioned because his closet is so organized. Thank god she never saw Sean's home spa/emollient shop. They look at pictures of his family, including pictures of him with his parents, and old pictures of them. In a talking head, he says the fact they've both lost parents gives them a connection that no one else has.
Sitting on the couch talking, he speaks mostly about his mother, and how much he would have loved her to be here to share this with her. Then he pulls out the journal in which he wrote down his innermost thoughts when his mom was dying. There is no amount of money you could pay to read out loud on a national television show something so personal, but I'm not going to judge. You're on a reality show, you might as well be on all the way, I suppose. DeAnna wipes away tears and thanks him for sharing that with her. In a talking-head, he says DeAnna is tearing down, brick by brick, the wall that he put up after his parents died.
Jeremy's brothers and sister-in-law arrive and they all hug and sit down for dinner, while Jeremy's beautiful boxer sleeps under the table. Meredith, the sister-in-law, says DeAnna was very welcoming and excited to meet them all. And as Jesse is the Snowboarder and Graham is the Basketball Player, Jeremy is The Guy Whose Parents Died, because that is the only conversation we're shown at the dinner table.
DeAnna and Meredith head outside to talk about how awesome it is that Jeremy has opened up to her, while Jason asks his brothers what they think. They like her, although Jason talks about how hard it is to know what she's really feeling, given that she's going through the same thing with three other guys. Jeremy says he doesn't think about it.
Then it's Jason and Patrick's turn to grill DeAnna. And if these boys are the Baldwins, Jeremy is completely Alec. "We're not on your side, we're on Jeremy's side," Jason tells her, and is completely frank about how hard it is for them that, best-case scenario, in a couple of weeks, Jeremy could be announced he's spending the rest of his life with this woman that they've met once. In a talking-head DeAnna admits to having sweaty palms and getting nervous, but says she knows Jeremy's brothers just don't want to see him get hurt.
Jeremy's brothers leave, which is nice, because then Jeremy and DeAnna can get down to the business of getting it on.
Jason's in Seattle, waiting for DeAnna, and he's so excited to see her that he hops up and down. He says that he missed her a ton. If he's unimpressed that she doesn't know what the Space Needle is, he doesn't let on. They go up to the tippy-top, which DeAnna says no one is ever allowed to do. I guess it's lucky they have that guard rail up there then.
They smooch on the top, and then head down for some lunch in the rotating restaurant and talk about how many kids they want. DeAnna wants three by the time she's thirty. She's twenty-six now, which means she'd better get moving. See, Jason is the Guy Who Has A Kid. And they're off to meet him now. Ty is an adorable four-year-old who gets giddy when he sees his daddy and they tackle each other. DeAnna wipes away tears because it was like something out of a movie. DeAnna presents Ty with a blue golf ball, and gets a thank-you and a fist-bump in return. Hee! I taught my daughter how to do that as soon as her motor control allowed it.
While the three of them feed the ducks, DeAnna talks about how nice it is to see Jason with his son, and that she doesn't have to wonder whether Jason would make a good father.
Ty rides in his cowprint car seat (yep -- that's the one my Molly rides in) sitting between Jason and DeAnna. Jason says bringing DeAnna home to his family is a big deal, because he only ever introduced his high school girlfriend and his ex-wife to them.
She's welcomed with open arms by the entire brood. "They went out of their way to make me feel welcome," says DeAnna, noting the Greek food the family made. Jason's sister-in-law says she's curious as to what it's like to be dating Jason and three other guys, and DeAnna talks about how weird it is. "Are you prepared to get your heart broken?" Jason's brothers decide to grill him, which unfortunately sets him to babbling about connections and whatnot. She's also asked if she can handle dating a sports fan, like it is this horrible disease that she'll have to handle.
After supper, the family sits around while Jason and DeAnna present Ty with the star that DeAnna had named for him, and he's absolutely adorable about it. Then it's time for a round of ouzo, with DeAnna completely dropping the ball when asked for a traditional Greek toast, and she gives a blandly generic thank-you to the clan for welcoming her in, and then they all say Opa! DeAnna says Jason's family is like her own big fat Greek family. In a talking head, Jason's mom says DeAnna has the attributes Jason's looking for. First up? "She's beautiful." Heh.
After the I'm-sure-they-do-this-after-every-meal game of leapfrog, Jason's dad asks her how she feels about taking a backseat to Ty, and DeAnna lies (based on everything we've seen so far) that she'd be happy being the "second part" of someone's life. Meanwhile, Jason and his mom have a pretend-the-camera's-not-there conversation about how he feels and getting his heart broken, and Jason says something about body armor. Love is a battlefield, after all.
There's an emotional goodbye with Ty, which DeAnna says broke her heart, but she's actually thrilled because Jason's willing to do that to put his heart out there, and that means a lot. "It's too bad that Ty was crying, but it was done for me, so yay!" Then they sit and talk about love, and my eyes roll back up in my head and I couldn't take any more.
On now to Raleigh, North Carolina, where Deanna's going to see Graham's home town. She suspects that Graham has a hard time with the other guys around (chief among the clues, I imagine, is the fact he TOLD HER HE'S HAVING A HARD TIME WITH THE OTHER GUYS AROUND) and this is a chance for him to open up. So far, the one time he has opened up, she got mad at him, so I don't imagine it's high on his priority list right now.
After DeAnna pulls up at Graham's old high school, they hug for about five hours. Then they head over to the basketball court, where Graham has set up a little lunch, with a couple of custom-made jerseys. "Is that your last name?" she asks when she sees one. What? Tell me she meant something else. Tell me she already knows his last name. Tell me when she talks about falling in love with this guy, she, to this, thought to herself, "Mental note: I SHOULD FIND OUT HIS LAST NAME." I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt on that one. She's self-absorbed, but she can't be that self-absorbed, right? I'm no DeAnna fan, but I think she said, "Is that your last name..." and the "...I see on my jersey?" was unspoken.
They play basketball for what seems much longer than any NBA playoff game, and then they sit on the bleachers and talk about Graham's family, and Graham talks about how his dad is quiet and also a role model. She compliments him for "talking" so much, and he says it's easier when it's just them. In a talking head, she talks about how "pleasantly surprised" she is that he's so talkative.
Graham admits that it's been several years since he's brought a woman home, and it's going to be "different" this time given the circumstances. They hug his parents, which is a "positive, upbeat start" to the visit, like maybe he'd been expecting the boiling oil when they arrived.
Graham's mom asks DeAnna if she can truly know if they can have a life together after such a short time. "Do you think you know Graham now?" she asks "I'm getting there," she says.
Graham's mom shows Graham's bedroom, crammed with trophies, while downstairs in the kitchen, Graham and his pop bond over how hot DeAnna is. Upstairs, DeAnna asks Graham's mom if he's ready for her, and Graham's mom admits that he doesn't let people in easily, and DeAnna says she's worried that she's falling for him more than he's falling for her. In a talking-head, she says she's still not sure if Graham's ready for something serious.
Afterwards, they sit down for a little chat on a bench. "What's on your mind?" she says. "Everything," he says. Then he clams up, and then takes issue with her pointing out that he clams up when something's bothering him, and then they awkwardly say goodbye. DeAnna says despite him shutting her out, she still falls for him more and more every time they're together. But she doesn't know if she can spend the rest of her life begging him to fall for her. Doesn't seem like that tough a call, actually.
And it's back to the mansion. "We're fixin' to go from four guys to three," says DeAnna, adding that it's a completely impossible choice. She says her relationship with Jesse has progressed normally. They were friends first, and now the romantic stuff is falling into place. Things have been perfect with Jeremy since Day 1, but she has to be in love. Uh-oh. That doesn't really sound good. With Jason, she says she never thought she'd fall in love with someone who already has a family. But she's also wondering if there's room in Jason's heart for her. Then she looks at Graham's picture, and says she just always feels comfortable when she's with him. When do they plan on showing us the "comfortable" parts? It's her opinion that struggling with someone makes the relationship better, or some such nonsense.
Jesse gets the first rose. Then, Jeremy. So it's down to Jason or Graham, and she --eventually -- chooses Jason. Wow. The right call, for once. Graham looks less than brokenhearted about it, unless he smirks a lot when he's broken-hearted. Nice of him to wear his good jeans tonight. "You did what you thought you needed to do," he says, as she walks him out. She manages to mention Brad in the very first sentence, accusing Graham of leading her on like Brad did. "You are more than entitled to your opinion," he says, adding that it's fine if it makes it easier for her to tell herself that. "All I wanted was for you to be that person in the end, and open up, and let your guard down, but you couldn't do that," she snaps. Then there's a dramatic pause. "I am saying goodbye to the one person that I was falling in love with," she says. He's one of about half-a-dozen guys that she's said she's falling for, though. "When you leave, it ends here," she says. God, would that that were true. Graham won't even look at her now. She says she has to walk him to the car. He gets up and reaches into his pocket. Instead of awesomely pulling out his middle finger, he pulls out a piece of paper, saying he knew there was some things he wasn't going to be able to say, so he wrote them down. Sounds like someone knew he was heading home this time. He says she can read that or not or burn it or whatever. And so much for Graham. Maybe he can be the star of Emotionally Stunted Bachelor? In the limo, Graham's eyes are actually watering. She sits on the bench and reads his card, but we're going to have to wait to find out what it says, if we ever do. I vote for "please don't read that to us."
"First and foremost, I want to be in love. And what if that doesn't happen now?" DeAnna says, crying. I wish had an answer for that, DeAnna. I really do. But if a contestant can't find love on a high-quality reality show like The Bachelorette, what hope is there for anyone?
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