So soon enough, six bachelors will become four, who will take DeAnna home to meet their parents. And from here on out, there are no more roses to be handed out on dates. The bachelors are all going to Palm Springs. As always, mundane announcements provoke high-fiving. Twilley talks about how excited he is to get out of the Outhouse, and realizes he hasn't made the same connection the other bachelors have. So he's getting the "this reality-show contestant is so done at the end of the episode" edit.
Extra-special Palm Springs date box! "Sean: Let's take our relationship to new heights, love DeAnna." Sean is saying he'll be in the final four if the date goes well. And he talks about how he's like a Kentucky racehorse, who hangs back and lets the other horses tire themselves out. They shoot horses, don't they?
So they ride up a mountain in a gondola. DeAnna is terrified of heights, so it makes sense that she'd choose to ride a gondola up a mountain, right? She says Sean doesn't know how much is riding on the date. They're having a romantic dinner up there, and if all goes well, he'll be coming back for dessert. Or perhaps "dessert" should have some quotation marks around it.
Sean babbles on about some hilariously convoluted loaded-gun metaphor that has to do with taking risks. I think? In essence, he says that he's been worried about opening himself up to her is like walking around with a loaded gun, but has decided that walking around with a loaded gun is better than no gun at all. "I agree. Good ... saying," says DeAnna. Hee! Then he goes on about how awesome it would be if she were to meet his family. In a talking head, she talks about how she's getting to know him better. Not so much better that she doesn't mistakenly call him "John," unfortunately.
Back at the Palm Springs outhouse, the other guys get a date card. Twilley predicts it'll be a group date for all the other guys except him, who hasn't had a solo date yet. Instead, it's a group date with Jesse, Jason, Graham and Twilley. "I haven't understood a lot of her decisions," he admits. Yeah. Starting with "I think I'll audition for The Bachelor," it's been one wrong move after another for DeAnna. "I'm looking for a man that can get down and dirty and have some fun in the sun," reads the card.
Rose petals grace the walk up to DeAnna's place for dessert, and Sean says he felt honoured to be asked back to her place for dessert. He talks more about his family. In a talking-head, she says if she were giving out roses at the end of dates this week, he'd definitely get one. They share the same family values, apparently. When someone says "family values" it's usually in an "I don't want the gays to get married" context, so I'm not sure what they're going on about here. He says she's the missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle of his life (she must be the "LV" on his luggage), and they cuddle in a hammock and kiss, and hopefully she didn't get too slimy from all his hair product and facial creams.
The morning, DeAnna says it's time for the guys to cut loose and get wild. We know that for Jason, this means golf, but that's not what they'll be doing.
A helicopter lands at the house. "Looks like our ride's here," says Deanna, and not for the first time. But this helicopter is just for her and Twilley, and there'll be another one to pick up the other guys later, who sit around and talk about how awesome it would be to be in the helicopter with Deanna. Graham, in a talking head, says the ride with Twilley and DeAnna is going to be terrible, because he gets awful motion sickness. Sure enough, Twilley seems uncomfortable, but he thankfully doesn't chunder. Unfortunately, he does have a hard time opening the helicopter door for her, prompting her to rudely roll her eyes at the camera. And somehow the other guys who got left behind before taking their own helicopter ride are already there waiting for them.
So the group date is ATV racing. As always, DeAnna is completely amazing because she's awesome at doing things, or whatever. I don't know. They look like they're having fun, though.
Jeremy and Sean are hanging around the house shirtless, and Sean says, "You want this?" So THIS is what they get up to when DeAnna's not around. Naturally. I suppose that if I had a body like either of these guys, I'd eschew shirts a little more often. Sean pretends that the date card raves about his date with her the date before. In actuality, it says "Jeremy, let's take a step back in time with Ol' Blue Eyes." "That sounds like it'll be quite a, uh, romantic evening," says Jeremy, which makes me wonder if he even knows who Frank Sinatra is. Sean says he's not sure anything could top having dinner on a mountain. I submit that an avalanche would have capped off that dinner quite nicely.
On the ATVs, we learn that Twilley is off in his own little world, says DeAnna, which to me by this point means, "Twilley was not constantly hanging off me telling me how awesome I am." She says Jason just rode his in a straight line, while Jesse manhandled his four-wheeler, which turned her on. She practically has to fan herself.
Back to the Palm Springs crib now, where everyone jumps in the pool, and the guys have chicken fights for DeAnna's amusement. Jason says in a talking-head that he kind of gets lost in the shuffle with the other guys, so he has to stick his neck out a bit, which any chicken will tell you is exactly the moment your head gets cut off.
DeAnna says she needs to figure out who's going to get the hometown dates, and she wants to know how it's going to work with her, Jason and Ty, Jason's son. Jason has a son? She and Jason lounge by the pool and chat, and he says it would be a great idea for her to come to Seattle and play with his son. Then Jason has a talking head which was clearly shot after tonight's eliminations, given that Jason is talking about DeAnna coming to Seattle as though it's happening, and not only a possibility.
Jesse comes over to steal DeAnna away. "Thanks for being that guy," jokes Jason. They hold hands and have lemonade and chat while she leans in, blatantly testing whether he'll move in for the kiss she wants. He seems to take her silence and expectant look to mean that she wants him to continue babbling about the rose ceremony and how happy he wants her to be and all this. In a talking-head, DeAnna talks about how surprised and disappointed she was that Jesse didn't try to kiss her. They have a friendship connection, but do they have a French-kissing connection?
And his chance is lost, because here comes Graham to steal her away. Meanwhile, Jason and Twilley chat about Graham's chances. Jason calls him a "sure bet." DeAnna and Graham cuddle in a hammock and talk about families and how easy it will be for everyone to get along. And unlike Jesse, Graham knows when to go in for the kiss. He wisely does not suggest -- this time -- she disinfect her mouth first.
It's time for DeAnna's first one-on-one date with Jeremy. The other guys watch her come by to pick him up. Graham talks candidly about how Jeremy has a deep connection with her that's so unlike her connection with Graham that it scares him she could go in either direction.
DeAnna takes Jeremy out to the vintage convertible waiting outside the resort and they drive to Frank Sinatra's house, where he lived with Ava Gardner. They look at the '50s décor and the mini-recording studio in the living room. At this point, the producers weren't sure if they'd desecrated Sinatra's memory enough, so Jeremy and DeAnna start singing Sinatra karaoke. Look for it on the upcoming album Voice-Raping the Classics by Jeremy and DeAnna. Jeremy at least has the good grace to apologize for it in a talking-head, but regrets nothing, giving that he was doing it with DeAnna. Then they dance the night away, with Jeremy appearing to know exactly what he's doing.
Back at the resort, the other guys talk about Jeremy-- don't these guys have a television? -- with Twilley offering the theory that Jeremy is a mutant with the special ability to do whatever DeAnna throws at him. Sean wants to place Jeremy on a scale somewhere between the Incredible Hulk and the Thing, at which point I fail the geek check by pointing out neither of those heroes are mutants in the Marvel Universe.
Back at the date, Jeremy talks to DeAnna about -- I want to say love? The future? DeAnna says when she's with Jeremy, she feels very loved, and that she's the only person on his mind. "I want so badly to fall in love with him," she says. Then they strip down and get in the pool. Jeremy has a couple of talking heads about his genuine feelings for DeAnna. I'm not sure why, but I believe him a little bit more than I believe most people on shows like this. For example, DeAnna: "I could definitely see myself falling in love with Jeremy." If DeAnna said, "I definitely believe that Wednesday follows Tuesday," I'd look it up.
Cocktail party time -- only when the guys show up, as we've been shown several times, DeAnna's not there waiting for them. "Every time we roll in, she's sitting on the couch," says Jesse. Is this like in The Godfather Part III where all the dons meet in Atlantic City and get slaughtered by Joey Zasa? Crossing my fingers!
Chris comes in to say, "DeAnna just told me her mind is made up. There's not going to be a cocktail party tonight." Because DeAnna came to her senses, realized what an awful show this is and went home? No -- she's already got her mind made up as to who her final four are, and it would be pointless to have a cocktail party. I think it's fair to say that anyone who watches this -- for ironic reasons or sincere ones -- has a high tolerance for pointlessness, so I don't know what this proves.
We go straight to the rose ceremony, with Chris reminding the poor bastards that either they lose by being sent home or they lose by being forced to continue. DeAnna comes out to allude to Brad again and talk about how she isn't going to lead anyone on by putting them through a cocktail party when she's already got her mind made up. Another way of looking at this is that it's awfully low of her not to give her two losers the chance to do some convincing tonight. But it's presented as though DeAnna is eligible for sainthood now. The beneficiaries? Us, for not having to sit through the same-old same-old cocktail party and watch the endless parade of guys snag some alone time with her and say "take the opportunity" over and over again.
And now, the roses: Jeremy. Jason. Graham. It's down to Jesse, Sean and Twilley for the final rose (which really means it's down to Jesse and Sean, since Twilley is and always has been a non-factor). And the rose goes to Jesse, who looked like he really wasn't confident about it. Sean has kind of a "really? You don't want to get with this?" look about him right now.
Sean says DeAnna is definitely the type of woman he could propose to, and laments not putting himself out a little bit sooner. "Hey, you live and you learn," he says, while heroically avoiding Robert-esque fake-crying. Twilley says he came here looking for a wife, but you risk getting hurt when you open up to a girl. Tip: by this point, Twilley, you should be calling them "women." He's similarly sanguine about the rejection, acknowledging that his personality is a little different. He says he'll make a great husband someday, just not for DeAnna. My advice? Run, don't walk.
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