This week kicks off with a glum Juan Pablo, who is sad to say goodbye to his family so that he can travel with his harem. Chris comes and greets the ladies at the house, and tells them there will be two group dates and one one-on-one date… in South Korea! Shrieking ensues, especially from Sharleen. It's turned up even higher when they realize they only have an hour to pack. Clare appears to cry yet again but it turns out she's just excited, though horrified that she doesn't have a kimono. She's going to be very surprised when they arrive and she realizes that they aren't in Japan (you know, where they wear kimonos) and in fact that and South Korea are two totally different countries.
They arrive in Seoul, and we're treated to some spectacular nighttime b-roll of the gorgeous, bustling city. Holy overpacking, Batman -- each girl has a cart with approximately six suitcases piled up. I mean, I guess you're hoping to need a lot of different rose ceremony gowns, but even me, as the Overpacking Champion of the World, can't fathom bringing that much stuff anywhere. Then again, I can't fathom wanting to be on this show, so what do I know? It should be noted that the girls are all getting kind of possessive by this point, with many of them interviewing about how they can't wait to see their future husband again.
They are set up in an awesome suite at the Hilton, and then gather to open the date card which awards Chelsie, Cassandra, Elise, Danielle, Kat and Nikki the first group date. Nikki's disappointed and a complete pill about it given that, you know, she only had a 1/13 chance of winning the solo date and this is totally what she signed up for.
JP has spent a lot of time wandering the streets and looking pensive about his future, taking pictures with his iPhone with the apple on the back blurred out in such a way that it only makes it more obvious what he's using. They should have just given him a case saying, "TOTALLY NOT AN APPLE PRODUCT" and it would have been more subtle. They all meet at YG Entertainment and JP tells them that they are going to be dancing with K-Pop group 2NE1. Yes, but are they going to dance as FREAKING AWESOMELY as Mark and Jenna did to 2NE1 onSo You Think You Can Dance? (I'll go ahead and call it now. No.) Does your recapper wish she had put herself through the stupid process of applying to compete with other women for a husband just so she could be on this date? Yes, very much. They all walk in and see the girls dancing to in fact the very same song used on SYTYCD, "I Am the Best." JP and the girls all take their turns dancing, and Kat rocks it while Nikki goes for humor since she's not a dancer at all. They then begin to learn the "I Am the Best" routine; Kat is pretty sure she's getting the rose on dancing skills alone and Nikki's bitterness and, let's face it, jealousy, can hardly be contained. The band then comes in and tells them that they will actually be performing on stage at their show. Nikki wants to die.
Look, I do actually feel for Nikki because I have horrific stage fright. But (I'm never going to stop pointing this out) girlfriend, you kind of signed up for this. The Bachelor didn't get popular because it gave a bunch of girls private, tasteful dates and the chance to actually get to know someone and form a deep and meaningful relationship. JP is in semi-tight red pants and a cool black jacket, while the girls are all made up in crazy, bright, insane, '80s-ish outfits and look adorable and amazing.
The show is in a mall, and the crowd is huge and hanging over five stories of railings to see the band. Nikki says she didn't realize they were so big, even though a little while ago they mentioned that they checked them out on YouTube and they had 77 million hits. 2NE1 calls the girls and JP up to the stage and they do their routine as best they can. The thing is, clearly most of them aren't dancers but they are just rockin' out and having fun, except Nikki of course, who couldn't be making less of an effort. On the flip side, Kat does in fact do awesome, but it didn't escape anyone's notice that she seemed to be hoping to be offered a spot in the group later. Nikki is glad that this amazing opportunity is out of the way so that she can then have some alone time with her man.
The girls then change into their requisite tiny dresses and heels, and JP leads them to this beautiful traditional building where a table and drinks have been set up in the grass and of course a rose is on the table to make them squirm. Kat gets to be alone with him first and hopes to show that she's more than just the dancing queen. Nikki meanwhile decides that she's going to be "real" and badmouth Kat for acting like a different person in front of the cameras. Kat meanwhile is telling JP about how her dad had a severe alcohol addiction, and her parents divorced when she was six but she remembers all of the horribleness before that and had to escape and start over somewhere else once she reached adulthood. She doesn't like to be vulnerable after all of that so she covers it up by being a party girl. She asks JP his biggest fear, and he says it's not being an example for his daughter. Given her experience with her own father, Kat appreciates that. K-Pop dancing waters run deep, it seems.
As Nikki got going, Cassandra looked like she wanted to melt into the floor and die, and she's desperately relieved to go off and talk with JP. Danielle -- Danielle! I think this might be her first real interview moment! -- points out how easy it is to get catty in a situation like this, and Nikki has jumped in wholeheartedly. I've found it's pretty easy for all of the girls to badmouth some of the others in interviews by sweetly pointing out that they don't seem like good mother material. Elise is not an exception, and then when she has some time with JP she uses it to try and convince him that she is really serious about him and motherhood. He gets where she's going with this, and assures her that he's got his eyes wide open to observe all of the other girls. Points to JP when he says that he can feel the tension and he realizes we're getting into the bitchy backstabbing phase of the show. Well, I might have paraphrased him just a little.
Nikki gets her time and tells JP sweetly how it's hard for her to open up and how with the other big personalities, she can sometimes become a shrinking violet. I had been kind of on Team Nikki up until this moment but GIRL. Everyone's going to see everything eventually, so try not to be two totally different people. National TV, remember? After some flirting, JP asks Nikki about Camila and she pauses for one second too long before saying she wants to meet her -- Nikki works with kids so I have no doubt she does actually like them but I think she's so wrapped up in this that she totally forgot that JP had a daughter, just for a moment. She then says she is a good diaper changer, which would be great if Camila were still in diapers. Somehow, though, she winds up scoring the night's rose, as well as a lot of smooching. She can't contain her glee at beating the other girls on the second group date. Oh, and blah blah she likes JP to.
Sharleen gets the one-on-one date, and JP admits to us that she is currently his frontrunner. Meanwhile, Sharleen is still brutally honest that she wants to fall in love but she doesn't know yet if JP is the one she's meant to fall in love with. What?? Two weeks in and a few private moments together hasn't made you ready to declare to the world that this guy is your "SEOUL" mate? You've gotta catch up, Sharleen. They go walking through a giant market, do some shopping, and eat various delicacies like whole, small crabs. At the hotel, the girls all do their nails and wonder if Sharleen is actually interested in JP. Danielle continues to say nothing. Show, please tell me soon why she's still here, give me SOMETHING to differentiate her other than that she's the one who has had so little screen time that now her defining trait is that she's apparently forgettable.
Sahrleen and JP go to Bukchon Hanok Village, a traditional tea house, which totally lights her fire. He wants to hear her sing and asks her about it; in response she tries to figure out the American word for "cheeky" but comes up with "smartass," and then tries to convince him that she meant that as a compliment. She also gives him the ringing endorsement that he's "not bland." Sharleen must be a better singer than she is a wordsmith -- she's as awkward as I've ever seen anyone on this show -- but she admits she's been pleasantly surprised by the fun she's had. That night JP takes her to another traditional venue where they sit in the empty courtyard and he tells her he wants to hear her sing -- he's not very good at asking, rather than telling. She's embarrassed and nervous, and tells him she never sings on a first date, but then she does some vocal warm-ups and belts out a few notes. JP tells her she's beautiful, and they kiss, complete with tongue obvious enough for the camera, and then she admits that now she thinks they could fall in love.
At dinner, the two bond over how hard it is to move to a new country and be so far out of your comfort zone It's all going hunky-dory until he asks her how many kids she wants. At the hotel, the girls are all talking about how they can't see her with kids and assume she's going home that night. JP presses her, and she admits she focused on her career and never thought about kids, and that she had a once dated a man with a child but realized she was totally not ready for that at the time. She never really answers the question, but the gist is that she's not sure she really does want them at all. She hopes honesty is the best policy, and in fact it gets her the rose and some more making out.
The day, JP takes out the remaining ladies and tells them they will explore and get crazy and have a good time. The first place they go is to this ridiculous (like Sharleen, I might be choosing the wrong word because I mean that as a compliment) karaoke dollhouse and some of the girls freak out but come on, it's a private room. It seems like they all get comfortable pretty quickly, and after that they go frolic around the city. They then go and all get fish pedicures, which is both hilarious and disgusting. Throughout, Clare is sulking that she hasn't gotten close enough to JP so she starts clinging to him every chance. At one point she giggles to him that she hopes they aren't going to eat octopus, so of course he makes that their agenda item. After a lot of whining, JP gets her to finally eat a piece which she then spits out into her hand though I think she finally eats it? I don't know. And later when we hear the whole story, it turns out I didn't really want to know.
They all then go for their evening cocktails, and the girls all talk about how impatient they are to kiss him. He calls on Renee first for some alone time, and she talks about how weird and scary yet great this has been. Renee hopes for a kiss, but unfortunately JP realizes he's already kissed six girls and he wants to slow it down to be a better example for his daughter. He's probably not familiar with the American phrase about closing the barn door after the horse as escaped, but this would be that, with the barn door being his lips and… well, you get the point. I do really, really like her, but there doesn't seem to be any physical chemistry at all between them.
Andi and JP go sit down on the ground to get out of the eyesight of the others and chat. She would probably have gotten a kiss if he wasn't trying to set that good example tonight. Lauren asks him to dance and actually makes a move, but he turns her down and she feels completely rejected since his vow to be a good example is coming a little late. When she goes back to the group, Andi has to comfort her. Kelli can't get over how possessive Clare is of JP, which seems to be basically all the girls' feelings about her. When Clare finally gets her time, she uses it to admit she threw up in her mouth when she ate the octopus, which is really the way to start when you are hoping to talk someone into sticking his tongue in that mouth. Apparently the last time they were together, Clare told him she wanted to lay off of kissing because she felt their physical chemistry was too great? Yes, just like I declined to buy a pair of jeans because they made my ass look way too good, and I didn't order my favorite dish at dinner because I might actually enjoy eating it too much. That makes no sense, and I suspect she realized that because she's thrilled that JP can't control himself and winds up kissing her anyway. And hey, he's not really going against his policy since he's already kissed her before this. His count doesn't change. Clare's face, then, when Andi gets the rose, is pretty amazing -- she couldn't grit her teeth any harder if she was trying to break her own jaw.
The night, the girls all get dolled up and go to a palace for the rose ceremony. JP can still feel the tension -- get used to it, buddy, because there's no way it's going to get any better the closer these ladies get to that Neil Lane ring. The girls talk about rose etiquette, which is that those who already have a rose should give the others some more alone time with him. When Clare gets her time, she clearly angles for another kiss. As she's doing so, Nikki decides to flaunt the Rose Rules and goes to crash Clare's time with him, which may have unleashed a monster. Once she and JP are alone, for the billionth time, Nikki giggles and talks about how nervous and timid she is. She's terrified for one moment when he mentions how things are in the house between the ladies, but visibly relaxes when she realizes he's just talking generally and not about something someone said. Yet. The timer is ticking down until one of these girls can't stand it and decides to tattle on her. Nikki goes back and tells Kelly she thinks Clare might have said something about her, and when Clare joins them, Kelly admits she feels weird sitting in between them because at any moment the two might reach over her to try and claw each others' eyes out. Clare says she didn't say anything, and I believe that because I think if she did they absolutely would have showed it. Clare does wind up calling Nikki out, though, on her being two-faced, and Nikki takes that not so well.
Then it's time for the ceremony, and JP tells them how awesome they all are and then adds that he really thinks one of them can be his wife. I'm pretty sure that's the language barrier talking and not that he thinks he's bestowing some great privilege on one of these girls, but I guess we'll see for sure in the coming weeks. Sharleen, Nikki and Andi are already clutching their roses, and they are then joined by Renee, Chelsie, Kelly, Danielle (OMG when are we ever going to get to know anything about this girl??), Cassandra, Alli and Clare. Chris comes up to announce that it's time for the final rose, and after a long pause with a tragically sad face, JP gives it to Kat. Wait, so Elise, who has been one of the most featured women, is rejected (along with poor sad Lauren) and Danielle is still around? I don’t understand reality TV making as much as I thought I did, I guess.
Elise can’t help but get in a dig about how some girls don't want kids, and almost manages to make it through her exit interview without tears as she talks about how toxic it is to be around this crowd. Poor Lauren thinks she got dumped because she tried to kiss him, and I only wish I could reach through the TV and give her a hug and tell her she has an awesome name and that a guy who actually likes her would be very happy if she went in for a kiss. Keep kissing boys, Lauren! JP then tells the remaining ladies that they are going to Vietnam, and they have a victory champagne toast.
Lauren S is a writer who lives and works in Atlanta and hopes you'll accept her rose. She wants everyone to know: "The views expressed in my recaps and anything else I might write on TWoP are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer."