Chris welcomes the surviving women and congratulates them for being chosen out of thousands of women to date the Bachelor, as though this is some sort of accomplishment. He tells them there will be two group dates this week.
Holly reads a note in a box that Ashlee, Kristine, Marshana, Noelle, Michelle, Amanda, and Erin H. are going to a fashion show. They're going to some place called "Smashbox Studios." When they arrive, Matt tells them they're not here to see a show; the women are the show.
Marshana talks about how she does pageants and her philosophy is to "stomp it out" and send the other girl home. Matt says he has a rose to give out, but it's not about "who the hottest" is, but who really "goes for it." Which is fortunate, lest we give the impression this is all about looks. We skip the part where Matt gets a doctor to measure the women's hips for child-bearing suitability.
So the women strut their stuff. I'm not going to get into who does what and who's wearing what because it's such a waste of time. Plus I'm really not sure yet who everyone is. Ashlee pulls Matt up onto the catwalk, Marshana struts up and down the catwalk like she owns the place, and Amanda pulls her shirt off to show off her gold bikini top underneath. Matt says they blew him away. At least, I'm pretty sure he said "away."
Now the women are heading to a penthouse suite so he'll have a chance to speak to the women. Marshana says it's been a wonderful date, and she knows it'll only get better. Better than competing with seven other women for one man's attention (with seven more waiting in the wings)? How is that even possible? Marshana snags Matt and asks him about his feelings on interracial dating, and if he's ever done it. Matt says it's never even come into his head, and maybe things are different in the U.K. Yeah, no racists in the U.K. Matt's about half a step from pretending he hadn't even noticed Marshana is black.
Michelle grabs Matt for some one on one time. She's written a song for him, and unfortunately for us all proceeds to sing it, a cappella: "I want to find you. I want you to find me. I want to touch you. I want you to touch me. And I wanna feel you. I want you to feel me. I want to find you in front of me." By the end of their song, the other women are doing their best not to bust out laughing.
Back at the mansion, the other bachelorettes all squeal and jump around when they find out they're going to Vegas. "We're the fun group!" yells Shayne.
Back in the penthouse, Ashlee's angling for a kiss. "I want to know if you're into me," she tells Matt, alone with him in the bedroom. He tells her she was "top two" on the catwalk, and thank God she has the spine to point out that means she wasn't number one. He's got his hand on her knee, and she starts going on about his lips, and after about five hours he gets the hint and plants one on her. The two of them agree that the other is amazing, and then Matt goes out and grabs the rose, much to the chagrin of the rest of the women there, and hands it to Ashlee. They kiss again.
Matt goes out to break the news to the other women, who look like he just shot a dog. "It's mine!" yells Ashlee. Matt tries to say that it's too bad he only has one rose to give, and she yells, "No it's not!" endearing her to no one.
Back at the mansion, the other women grill Ashlee for details, and she lies about kissing him. She behaves in a manner to prompt any thirteen-year-old girl watching to think, "God, grow up." "You might as well be his shadow," says Marshana, who wants Ashlee to just be who she is. I think Ashlee is being who she is, which is a bubblehead.
Vegas, baby, Vegas! Matt's never been before. Theyr'e going to the Paris Las Vegas hotel, with its "half-size exact replica" of the Eiffel Tower. Shayne talks about how gorgeous Matt looks, and how she just wants to take his hand and run away with him.
Matt doles out some chips, and explains that after half an hour of gambling, whoever has the most chips gets half-an-hour of alone time with him, which is the best argument I've ever heard for just hitting the roulette table and blowing it all. In a scary talking head, Robin says she's not here to gamble: she's here for him. She explains to Matt that if she gambles, she's going to lose. The other women note that she's snapping up some alone time, and they don't like it. In a talking head, Chelsea bitches that Robin didn't bet anything.
Shayne loses all her money after betting on red, which means she hasn't seen enough Wesley Snipes movies. Kelly is the one who winds up with the most chips, so she goes for a bite to eat and glass of champagne with Matt. In an interview, she says it was great to get some alone time with Matt: "You learn that I'm nice, and that I'm cool, and that I can handle my alcohol." A dig at Stacey, I suppose. She starts talking about how she can throw a good spiral, and Matt thinks she's talking about the javelin.
The other women sit at the blackjack table and lament Kelly's alone time. Shayne in particular is getting freaked out by having to compete with other women. What exactly did she think this is going to be? She pulls him aside to try to explain either how she feels or (my theory) what an idiot she is. Does he really think that she's just going to hang out and compete for him? Matt does his best to explain that all the women are going through this (BECAUSE THIS IS THE SHOW). In a talking head, Matt says Shayne is really attractive (admitting she's probably out of his league in normal circumstances) but says the melodramatic side of her is a big turnoff for him.
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Now the Vegas date heads to the Napoleon suite, because Matt needs more time with the girls to figure out whom he's giving the rose to. Shayne is freaking out, because she wants to get Matt alone so she can "clarify" things with Matt. Since the only thing she'll be clarifying is what an idiot she is, my advice to Shayne is that she stop talking now.
Matt sits down with Chelsea, who has marinated in Desperation perfume tonight, with her talk about being lonely and wanting to share things with people. She starts talking about how stubborn she is, and Matt deadpans that he's not at all interested in stubborn women and gets up to leave, totally fooling her.
Shayne is still blathering about how hard this is. "I really just want to get to know him and him only."
Robin sits on his lap and busts out a little Vivaldi on the grand piano (after he asks for George Michael or U2 and is told that she is "classically" trained. Look, most piano players are classically trained, but I can still bust out a little "One More Try," snobby) and interviews about how Matt's not going to be a problem, but the other women could be a problem. She clearly thinks she's getting the rose, so it turns out to be a shock when Chelsea gets it. More whining from Shayne, who's used to getting "a million roses." She goes off to sulk and/or do lines in the bathroom. "This is really not that fun for me." One of the other women goes in to comfort her. In an interview, Shayne talks about how if she wanted to leave, she would, but she really feels something for Matt. Suuuure you do.
Back to the mansion for a cocktail party. The women all cheer when Matt enters. Matt says some people have shone on the group dates, and some have flopped (shot of Shayne). Robin sits down with Matt, and says she wants to play a game where they pretend no one else is there, and they met accidentally. They do a little inane role-playing about meeting on a train or whatever, and then start to kiss. Robin practically inhales his face. She talking-heads that it would have been great to have been the first kiss (yeah, health-wise, it's always better not to be the last one in the pool) but as long as she had the most meaningful one, that's all she cares about.
The other women get all catty about Robin kissing Matt; as usual, this boils down to "Even though I'm trying just as hard to kiss him as you are, you're a tramp for succeeding."
Marshana goes for it and is slow-dancing with him in front of the other women, which scares him off from kissing her. Carri sits down for some alone time, and then unfortunately explains that she sings opera. And then she starts belting some out. I am completely incapable of telling you if she's any good or not (let's assume she's better than Adam Sandler's Opera Man character). But I do know that I don't like opera. Erin decides she has to sing for Matt, or she might not get a rose.
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Amanda's chronic hiccups are back. She calls them the "meeps." Erin the hotdog vendor and some other women I'm not even sure I've even seen before are commiserating about wanting to get a rose.
Oh God, Shayne's talking again, this time one on one with Matt, regretting how she behaved last night. At least, that's what I think she's doing, but she talks solely in meaningless clichés. Matt says he might have been hard on her, because she's an actor and so therefore he questioned her intentions. She blathers about how she's so over the acting thing, whatever that means, and she's here to stay for him and I'm not sure she's capable of having a coherent conversation without melodrama.
Now the women start taking turns showing off some dance moves, with Marshana bumping and grinding all over Matt's junk. Chris comes in to dork up the party and explain that Matt has a decision to make: Fifteen women, only twelve roses.
Who gets 'em? Chelsea and Ashlee already have theirs, so there are just ten left. Amanda hiccups. Matt strolls out for the moment he's been "dreading." He can't believe that they put up with him, speaking a "different language."
Time to winnow the herd!
Robin's picked first, which is great, so we don't get a million shots of her despondent Eeyore face. Holly, who I couldn't pick out of a police lineup, is also selected. Erin S. Amanda (she hiccups). He thanks her for "embarrassing" him on the dance floor. Kelly. Amy. Kristine. I'm not sure I know who these people are. Have they added women? They need to cut down to three or four already so I can remember everyone. Marshana. Noelle, who I don't think we heard from tonight, which means she didn't make an ass of herself. Out comes Chris again to helpfully point out there's one rose left, just in case the women don't think that maybe one rose is equal to three or four roses in the metric system. And it goes to...Shayne, because hotness trumps melodrama every time. So: going home: Erin H, who says she's going home because she wasn't willing to chase after Matt in the way the other girls were. Translation: "Anyone who goes farther than I am is a slut." Sorry stripping down to your bra didn't work out for you, Erin. Carri, the "church marketer," is also going home. "I guess I am just not what he's looking for," she says, and how nice it is to have someone figure that out and hopefully take it further to realize that there really isn't any shame in not being picked by some reality show man-whore. Michelle P., the clarinetist, who gets all teary-eyed, also was not picked. "Seek out the good," she tells Matt, and then tearfully explains in a talking-head that she's going home to her cat: "She's the love of my life at the moment." Look, I'm not that big an asshole. I can't make fun of that.
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