Previously: Potes was a godsend and gave a hundred and ten puh-cent in recapping Lou's ouster for me. Aubrey and Arsenio made up, I suppose, though not before Aubrey compared her own situation to gay kids who get bullied to death, because the real victims are always people like Aubrey and Kelly Bensimon. Lisa and Dayana also seemed to make up, though not even the narrator believes that's going to last.
Post-Pinkslip Aftermath:
Lisa comes back to the penthouse crowing about having gotten rid of Lou, and Clay objects to her having a little too good of a time with it. "He's still a person," he tells her, not even that haughtily, but Lisa still doesn't want to hear it coming from Clay. He backs right down, to the delight of Aubrey, who giggle-interviews about how she hates Clay and was happy Lisa shut him up. Speculation turns to whether someone from Unanimous will be drafted onto Forte in order to even up the numbers. Aubrey privately hopes it will be Clay or Arsenio, since she wants to see their friendship split up.
The Task:
The Trump-lebrities meet up at FAO Schwartz, where Trump informs them that "We all hear that puppets are for kids." Oh yes. I'm always saying that grown adults need to be more into puppets. They're joined by Brian (son of Jim) Henson, who talks about the puppet improv show "Stuffed & Unstrung," and how the task will be to build two original "miscreant puppet characters," in tandem with the Henson creature shop, and then perform in front of a live audience. Joining Trump this week are Ivanka and Eric.
And indeed, Trump does even up the teams. He polls Forte as to who they'd want: Dayana wants Clay, Lisa wants Aubrey, and Penn... totally ducks the question. Doesn't matter anyway -- Trump already decided it was going to be Clay. Lisa opines that "Clay is a BLEEP sometimes" and I am QUITE curious as to what she said there. Anyway, Eric delivers the criteria for the task: they'll be judged on puppet design, the overall quality of puppeteering and improv, and the total live performance. The project managers are Paul and Lisa. Paul interviews that puppeteering is not his thing at all (red flag!), but he figures: it's improv -- you're not supposed to know what you're doing. Uh huh.
Team Unanimous:
Teresa's first big idea is to make puppets of Aubrey and Arsenio. Then she's all "We could make you [Arsenio] black and you [Aubrey] white and ... you know ... Jungle Fever." And then she takes Arsenio's hand and makes the interlocking fingers from the movie poster, and I am now deceased.
By Joe R
Meanwhile, Aubrey whines in an interview that she can't take over, because she got smacked down for it last time, so she's forced to become a team player, of all things, so she can win. It kind of works, because before long, Arsenio is enthusing about what a great team player Aubrey is. I love how Aubrey plays normal human interaction like a game tactic.
Paul is suffering from back problems, so he ends up doing a lot of sitting around while everyone else works. Brian Henson and "Stuffed & Unstrung" emcee Patrick Bristow (a longtime character actor whom I will always think of as from that Seinfeld episode with the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat) stop by to impart some puppeteering/improv wisdom. Here's what Teresa gleaned from the meeting, about improv: "They said the funniest things are when you don't even know what you're talking about and stuff just starts flying out of your mouth." Teresa at least has the self-awareness to realize why that appeals to her.
In the workshop, Teresa takes a loooong time designing her puppet, not to mention picking out a name: Beyonce? Rihanna? Easy, Teresa. This isn't like naming one of your kids. Can't get too tacky. Speaking of which, Teresa's puppet looks like Bourbon Street was melted down and poured all over her. She eventually settles on the name "Fabulnia," because her cook-book, Fabulicious!, comes out in May. Meanwhile, Paul is suuuupes laid back, and they're wasting a lot of time in the creature shop when they need to be practicing their improv. Aubrey bitches about this behind the scenes but decides to passive-aggressively clam up in front of the team, because she got yelled at a couple tasks ago.
When they finally do start to practice the puppet improv, we discover that Teresa struggles with concepts like syllables or nursery rhymes. Aubrey mean-girls in interviews, all about her "bubbly, naïve, childlike personality" that ends up working for her. Arsenio is a pro, of course, and Aubrey takes to the emcee position really well. But asking Teresa to think on her feet and be funny off the cuff was always going to be wayyyyyy too much to ask.
The performance goes reasonably well. Arsenio does a great job with a Norwegian dentist character, which can't be easy. But Teresa blatantly violates the "yes, and" rules of improv and in general can't keep her utter brainlessness under wraps. Shockingly, Aubrey thinks that Aubrey did a great job.
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By Joe R
Team Forte:
Clay has puppeted before, in church (of course), while Dayana volunteers that she has "done improv for a year and a half." Lisa just rolls her eyes and is all "Yeah, 22 years here." Lisa hopes they can all have a task without fighting, but come on.
With the puppet experts, the team learns that Penn is probably too tall to puppet, so it's decided that he can host. Lisa ices Dayana out of a performing role, so thank GOD these two women will be back at each other's throat again. Penn and Dayana take lead on puppet design, and Lisa instructs Dayana on how to do her puppet -- a task that, as she interviews, should keep her "ocupado por favor." Oh, jeez, uncomfortable.
At the improv lessons, Lisa and Clay seem to work together well. Meanwhile, building the puppets seems TEDIOUS, but Dayana takes to it (the puppeteers all say they would HIRE her? That seems a stretch). When Eric arrives to check up on the time, Dayana (who's perma-fuming about Lisa) is kind of cold to him. BIG mistake, lady! Gotta butter up the scions.
In rehearsal, Penn is impressed with Clay while noting that Dayana had nothing to do. There's a bit in the sketch about "vapid, stupid model people," and the editing keeps throwing in pointed shots of Dayana, which seems like the show is taking Lisa's side. Anyway, on the day of the performance, Lisa is trying to keep things light backstage -- telling stories of Debbie Gibson's "four-alarm dumps" will do that -- but talk of what Dayana will do during the show, while everyone is on stage, sets off an argument. Lisa fucking FLIPS OUT, because she thinks Dayana is being selfish for wanting to be on camera. She rants that they had to create busywork for Dayana to do (busywork like...creating all the puppets? I don't love Dayana, but that seems like a pretty significant job). Dayana eventually flees, with Penn going out after her and being very impressed with himself for his tactic of saying nothing while she vents about Lisa. You've cracked the interpersonal communication code, Penn! Meanwhile, Lisa rants some more about how the boys on her team never back her up. She seems... distressed.
When it comes time for the performance itself, things go pretty great. Penn has a ton of energy as host, and Lisa and Clay work well with their puppets. There's a moment where Clay nails a joke about Genghis Khan, and Penn fails to end the scene on the high note, like a good host is supposed to do. And there are a couple moments where Clay and Lisa approach some risqué material that might skirt some standards, but overall, Lisa says they killed.
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By Joe R
The Boardroom:
Brian Henson and Patrick Bristow tell Kool-Aid-Mouth Eric that they liked Arsenio and Aubrey, but they saw Teresa breaking the improv rules. Meanwhile, on Forte, Lisa's improvising was judged as strong, and Clay "attacked it," but they both got a bit too blue for a moment there. They also noticed that Penn missed the cue to end the one scene on a high note.
In the boardroom, Trump immediately asks Dayana how she got along with Lisa. Admirable for its directness, I suppose. Lisa again hates that Dayana always wants to be on camera, while Dayana says that Lisa intentionally marginalizes her. Ivanka sticks up for the way Lisa divided up the labor, as it only makes sense that the performers on the team would actually perform. But Dayana also objects to Lisa's "level of aggression," which is certainly a fair critique. Meanwhile, as they discuss Penn being too tall to be a puppeteer, Clay jokes that he was "too small to host" himself. Trump, not getting the joke at all: "You're actually not a small guy." Clay: "Used to be." Heh.
Trump asks Lisa whom she would bring back to the final table, should Forte lose. Lisa immediately starts to cry and says she might not bring anyone. She says she didn't get into the business to make girls cry, and (more importantly, I suspect) she doesn't want to be a villain. Aubrey, who even at this moment can only think about herself, is all tough-love and "You're staying, Lisa!" Not about you, sweets. Trump, weird as ever, is "impressed" by Lisa's show of emotion.
Trump asks Paul who he'd bring back to the final table, and he obviously says Teresa -- not for her stupidity in improv, but for wasting time during the puppet-making process. Ivanka, I guess trying to get Teresa on her dad's good side, points out that Teresa named her daughter after Trump's current trophy wife, which is as sweet a story as you'll hear on television. Ivanka also sticks up for Paul playing through pain, as it were.
Luckily, Trump got all that drama out of Lisa early, because Team Forte wins. So congrats to Lisa and to the Gay Men's Health Crisis for getting some charity dollars. (Trump: "Great people, they do a great job." That seems like a totally sincere statement coming from noted homophobe Trump.) Forte celebrates up in the penthouse, as Clay toasts to gay men in general, and Lisa is happy that she can show her face in the gay community again. Dayana, meanwhile, finds Lisa's mood swings troubling, and I don't exactly disagree. "Mood swings," seems like a tame way to view them, actually.
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By Joe R
Back in the boardroom, Paul doesn't even UNDERSTAND the critique that his team didn't create "versatile" enough puppets. Arsenio says he and Teresa made the puppets, but Teresa says Paul had final approval. She thinks Paul should be fired because he didn't do anything, and "Aubrey, you better back me up on this." Aubrey does stick up for Teresa and however many kids she has. "This was not her forte," Aubrey says. "This was a thinking quick, on your feet challenge." Trump: "And Teresa doesn't think quick?" Okay, Trump. You can stay. (We'll learn about adverbs!) Arsenio is asked: Teresa or Paul? Arsenio calls Paul a "bright guy," which I guess damns Teresa by omission. Paul returns the favor by sending Arsenio to safety. Up in the penthouse, Lisa thinks bringing Arsenio would have been smarter for Paul, since they could have both ganged up on Teresa. Now he's got Aubrey also gunning for him.
The You're-Fired-ing:
Aubrey "plays the Dayana card" and says there's no reason for her to be brought back. Trump agrees with her, reminding Paul that the judges "didn't love what Arsenio did." Yeah, but they DID love his performance, right? Anyway, Trump and Ivanka disagree about whether Aubrey really compliments Teresa when she says she "doesn't have a lot of ideas." Aubrey: "It was a way of saying a positive with a negative." Trump: "So not a compliment." Trump! That's two!
Aubrey would fire Paul, but Paul thinks Aubrey is incredible and a much better team player this time around. So...don't fire Aubrey then. Trump's like, "Okay, done!" As PM, Paul signed off on everything, AND he should have brought Arsenio back, so Paul is fired. Paul, to Trump on his way out: "It's been an honor." Oh, dear, sarcasm PLEASE? The Trumps all love him, though, so maybe not.
Joe R hopes somebody realizes that we've wrung all the blood we can from this Lisa/Dayana thing. Enough. New conflict, please. He can be reached for lavish praise and nothing but at joseph.reid21@gmail.com, and you can listen to him yammer on to his heart's content on the Extra Hot Great podcast.
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