More VCR-related props to my mom. Mom's motto: "Bailing Your Ass Out Since The Early Seventies."
Previously on Flea Market Bingo: A team reshuffling sent Kwame and Troy to hang with the babes at Protégé, and sent Amy, Katrina, Tammy, and Ereka to boogie with the dudes at VersaCorp. The challenge of the week was to resell items at a flea market, and the lackluster parasol-related goings-on at Protégé were simply no match for the ribbon-ironing and mad t-shirt skillz of VersaCorp, which finally racked up a VersaVictory to offset its endless VersaVanquishings. Protégé PM Kristi fretted as she prepared to face Trump, and she went to her BFF Jessie for advice. Jessie promised to support her, and advised her to just remain quiet as much as possible in the event she was attacked. In the Boardroom, however, Jessie turned on Kristi (her BFF! Kristi is so taking her friendship bracelet back!) and blamed her for the defeat. Because Kristi sat idly by while everyone piled on her, Trump discovered her soft, spongy spine and fired her, which obviously totally pained him, because she was the cutest one. Oh, and Heidi complained a lot, about everything and everyone, and she was extremely rude to Trump, proving that sometimes first impressions are pretty much accurate. "Who will be fired this week?"
Credits. "It's nothing personal. It's just business." Well, and hating. Oh, yes, pure but impersonal hating. It's the magic behind reality television and most will readings.
Heavy thumping music brings us back again to lovely Manhattan, where the Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch is in full swing. Heidi, Kristi, and Assorama-lama-ding-dong are missing, so of course, the decibel level in S4 has dropped considerably, as has the overall Obnoxious Harpy Quotient. The happiness can't last, however, because eventually, someone will return. Troy and Kwame give the scoop to the rest of the kids to the effect that the heat on Kristi was initially pretty intense as heat goes, but that then things started to get personal between Kristi and Assorama. Jessie leans against a tree in her beige cardigan sweater and tries to sound earnest while interviewing that Assorama's returning in an un-fired state would make her question the entire game. Yeah, where's the integrity? It's like a girl can't keep her job by mercilessly screwing over her gullible friends anymore. By the way, if you pay any attention, you'll note that this interview doesn't take place until after the task, so she's actually referring to Assorama's being fired or not at the end of this episode. The editors are like, "Eh, no one will notice," because they don't have internet access at the office.
Boardroom. George and Carolyn are soon joined on their side of the table by Donald. He calls it "a close match," and says that while they "didn't do terribly," they lost, and somebody has to go. Troy "Just As Long As It's Not Me" McClain, asked for his opinion, says that he thinks Omarosa did a "fantastic job," even though he initially questioned her leadership. Heidi, asked to comment on Assorama, says that she was "pleasantly surprised." Heidi then makes what I think is probably a mistake by saying, "We couldn't have done anything different." I think a guy like Trump always wants to see you looking for things you might have been able to do differently. "But somebody has to go, Heidi. Who do you think has to go?" "It's a very, very difficult decision," she says. "But who has to go?" he asks. "I wouldn't make that decision," she says. He asks her if this means she won't make any decision, and she insists that because she's not the project manager, she doesn't have to, and she seems to just not get that he wants her opinion, and he's saying she does have to, because he's the boss and he's telling her she has to. Anyway, she eventually gives up, after more hedging than a professional topiary gardener, that the only person who had any difficulties was Jessie. So maybe Jessie? I swear, she is such a weenie. What happened to "up-front"? Trump turns to Jessie. "Who should go?" Jessie muses that sometimes leaders "succumb to the pressure," which is also unbelievably weak, as a response. Pressed for details, Jessie just repeats that she thinks Assorama "is a good leader," but just "succumbed to the pressure."
Trump turns to Assorama and asks her -- is this true? "Absolutely not," Assorama says. "I was born to be a leader." I'm sorry, but...of whom? Seriously. Who would follow someone who has nothing but contempt for everyone she comes in contact with? "There was a weak link," Assorama says, "and she's trying to protect herself." Kwame is asked what he thinks, and he says Assorama did a great job. But he thinks Jessie "had the most difficult negotiation." Trump has to ask about three times, but Kwame eventually admits that he probably thinks Jessie is the most ripe for a firing. Man, I have seen criminal defendants who are more forthcoming with answers. Jessie argues that the reasons for the difficulties with Mizrahi were that he knew better what would be a valuable "experience" with him, so he was better able to decide.
Asked how Heidi did, Assorama calls her "fantastic." She goes on, "I haven't always been a fan of Heidi...I haven't always felt that she was professional, or that she had much class or finesse, but..." Heidi laughs uncomfortably, because she really has no choice. "That's one of the worst compliments I ever heard," Trump says, and initially, I think the women think he's teasing, but he's dead-killer-serious. Trump keeps on about that being a pretty crappy remark, which I agree with, and Heidi protests, "I have a lot of class." Heh. Good one. Trump asks Heidi if she thinks Assorama has class, and Heidi says that she didn't used to think so, but now she does. Again, Heidi has no choice, because she's decided to play this scene from the acting manual labeled "Passive" instead of "Aggressive." Moreover, when Trump asks Heidi whether she likes Assorama, she says earnestly, "I do like her." Trump expresses some surprise that after Assorama's last remark, Heidi would still like her. Assorama is still smiling pleasantly, insisting that she and Heidi are "very candid." Of course, they're both being completely the opposite of candid, especially Heidi, who is pretending not to be bothered by someone taking shots at her, because we're all such up-front and fearless people. "She's entitled to her opinion," Heidi says. Well, that's big of her, and also true, but it doesn't really answer the question. "I know myself, I have class," Heidi finishes firmly. Hee. Hee hee. Oh, that Heidi.
Trump turns to Carolyn. "What do you think?" he asks her. Carolyn looks down at her notes calmly, and then she turns to Assorama. "Isaac's last name?" she says. Assorama looks visibly ill. "Miz-a-ra-hee," she says, still not really quite right. But much closer. Carolyn says, "You learned that a little too late." Assorama plays it off, talking about how terribly funny it all is, because people get her name wrong, too, and she hates it, so it's not bad that she flubbed it, it's just amusingly ironic. Carolyn points out that she finds it odd that Assorama would rail at Jessie for not having handled the negotiation professionally when she herself didn't even get the man's name right. And, I would point out, Assorama also did a completely ass job of handling the mistake, in that instead of apologizing, she acted like it wasn't, as Jessie would say, impor-tant. Jessie points out that she and Assorama were actually paired up to do that negotiation, so they share the responsibility for the fact that it didn't go well. "You were the lead, Jessie," Assorama snips. "Please take responsibility for your actions." The unadulterated level of snot in this remark is what I think Trump is talking about for the entire remainder of this conversation. There comes a point where you do not allow people to speak to you in certain ways, and Assorama has just cruised right by that point. "Do you like [Assorama] the way she just talked to you?" Trump asks. "I do like [Assorama]," Jessie insists. Again, Trump is flabbergasted. How can Jessie like someone who talks to her so contemptuously? "She's got a very sharp edge," Trump says. He turns to Heidi and dismissively says, "She destroyed you with a compliment," at which point Heidi jumps in and says, all fake-bravado, "She didn't destroy me." See, Heidi, he's not asking you whether she did. He's telling you that she did, because what he means is not that you were wounded by it, but that she made you look like an ass. Which she did. Trump returns to Jessie and her claim that she likes Assorama, who is treating her like crap. "Either you're not telling the truth, or you're not very bright." Ouch. And...yes. I love it when Donald Trump is the voice of reason. It makes the universe feel kind of slanted.
Anyway, it's time for Assorama to bring people to the final table. Trump tells her flat-out that he thinks she was "very rude" to Jessie and Heidi, just as a side note. Unsurprisingly, these are the people she brings along. Troy and Kwame retire to the suite. The ladies retire to the yellow couch in the lobby.
After the commercials, it's time for the firing at last. Asked for his thoughts, George says that he thinks Assorama has a "tendency to be abrasive." He thinks that this has an effect on a leader's ability to "handle all [the] troops." He then says he thinks she "overmatched" Jessie with Mizrahi, going on to say that Mizrahi is a character and it "wasn't a good leadership decision." I'm not sure if that means Jessie shouldn't have been the lead, or what. He says, "[Assorama's] leadership quality is in question." Carolyn says that Assorama "may possess certain leadership qualities, but [Carolyn] really didn't see them come out today." Trump calls the women back in.
When they're back, Trump asks Jessie why she should not be fired. Jessie says that the reason she shouldn't be fired is that character is important. "Do you think these two people have good character?" "I think that Heidi has great character," Jessie says. Aaaaand? Assorama? Jessie says, "I like [Assorama] very much." Trump says, flat-out, "I can't believe that. You're saying you like her, and maybe that's a smart thing to do, but I don't believe you like her." He turns to Heidi. "And I don't believe you can like her the way she talked to you, either." "Ummmm, no," Heidi says with a grin, getting the scent in the wind. Of course, given that five minutes ago, she said, "I do like her," that's a problematic effort at wiggling. Trump now turns to Assorama. He asks her why she shouldn't be fired. She says that it's because she demonstrated leadership. How? Does she think that belittling people is leadership? Or cowing them? That's not leadership, that's just bullying. Trump asks Heidi who she thinks should be fired. She tries again to save her own wimpy butt by saying that for being called classy and unprofessional, she would say Assorama. Trump talks some more about how ridiculous it was that Jessie and Heidi both sat there while Assorama treated them like crap, and he makes it pretty clear that no amount of backtracking at this point is going to fool him.
Back to Jessie. Trump tells her, "I think you were overly nice to [Assorama], who treated you terribly. And I don't love that." I really liked that line. I am particularly happy to see a very powerful man saying to a young woman who wants to work for him that niceness at all costs is not what he's looking for from her. What I like about the way he handled this (I'm serious! I was totally pro-Trump!) is that he made it clear that he does not endorse Assorama's brand of abusive bitchery, but that he also doesn't expect Jessie to sit by and smile while somebody tries to step on her. He's rejecting the model that all of these three women seem to be operating under that it's a choice between being a nasty wretch and being a doormat. I would also point out that Heidi and Jessie, in a sense, really insulted Trump when they put on those happy faces after being dicked over. What they're saying to Trump by using that particular method of sucking up is that they don't believe he will find Assorama's behavior offensive, despite the fact that it was unmistakably offensive, and they're not sure he'll respect them for standing up to her. It's as if they're saying they don't trust him to be on the right side of a battle between a total jerk and the person that the total jerk is pounding on, so they're hedging by pretending they don't mind. It would bug me too, I think. I feel Donald's pain. Anyway, he tells Heidi she's basically guilty of the same thing, although she seems a little more experienced and a little tougher about it. I'll take "more experienced," anyway.
"[Assorama]," he says, "you were very rude to these two people. How they took it is unbelievable to me, because you were rude. You are rude." She makes a face, which I'm sure will really help. He says, though, that worse than the rudeness is the fact that Jessie sat still for it. Trump starts to fire Jessie, and she tries to cut him off -- remembering, undoubtedly, Kristi's experience with failing to defend herself. She tries to talk to him about who he wants representing him, but she's getting nowhere, because it's just plain too late. "Please don't fire me, Mr. Trump," Jessie says, and that's just…unseemly. "Jessie, you were the worst negotiator. But worse than that, I hated the way you took so much crap from [Assorama]. To me, that was a form of weakness." He keeps it up: "I didn't like what she was doing, and it was repulsive to me. But worse, was the way you took it." "Please. Please," Jessie pleads. "I have no choice, and I have to say that you're fired." Assorama smirks, and I really think she might want to reconsider that, given that he did just call her behavior "repulsive." I'm not sure she has a lot to be happy about. They're all dismissed.
As Jessie leaves, Trump says that he fired Jessie for failing to stand up for herself, even though she's "a nice girl." They all agree that things are going to get more and more difficult from here on out. Jessie gets into her cab.
In her post-show taxi interview, Jessie just seems completely shell-shocked, talking about what a good experience she had. She still doesn't manage to say, "And Assorama is a total bitch," which would have been the only way to save her dignity.
week: Katrina has a hissyfit. Apartment renovations. Something bad happens to Heidi. Assorama has more problems. Looks like quite an episode.
Finally, the heavy door to S4 swings open, and Heidi walks in first, followed by Assorama. Ereka seems irrationally exuberant at the sight of Heidi (in fairness, I would likely consider any exuberance irrational), and then everyone's faces fall at the sight of Assorama. I think this was overplayed, frankly, because the rest of the folks in the suite are always jolted when they see the second person, because that's when it dawns on them who got fired. I don't think this is so much horror at Assorama's return -- the project manager is always the odds-on bootee -- as it is the unavoidably dumpy feeling they all got because someone who was pleasant and generally well-liked was sent home. That's particularly so when she was sent home in place of two people who make life around the suite rather more of a pain in the ass for everyone else.
Assorama tries to make a big demonstrative deal out of publicly embarrassing Tammy for acting surprised to see her, which is uncalled-for and juvenile, but of course utterly typical of people who are constantly looking to take the focus off of their own faults, as Assorama is. Assorama now interviews that "the most valuable thing that has happened to [her]" was watching the other people be surprised that she returned. First of all, "the most valuable thing that has happened"? You know, there are better ways to compose sentences than by throwing darts at a dictionary. Second, her complete lack of self-awareness is getting very creepy, in that she obviously doesn't understand how dumb she sounds when she's unrelentingly shitty to other people and then tut-tuts everyone else about taking the game personally. You can decide that it's better to be feared than loved, in other words, but then when you're not loved, it's not because other people are too sensitive. This is why I would never work for her -- she's substantially more spiteful and petty and driven by personal grievances than anyone else on the team, but she's utterly unaware of it, and struts around with what I think are honestly held delusions of professionalism. I've had a lot of contempt for a lot of contestants on a lot of shows, but I think she would be in the running for the most oblivious reality show participant I've ever seen, as far as the size of the gap between the person she consistently shows herself to be and the person she sincerely thinks she is.
Heidi goes outside for a cigarette. The team joins her on the balcony, where she asks who everybody wants as project manager for the task. Assorama says that she'll do it -- wow, big of her to volunteer, considering that she and Heidi are the only ones on the team who haven't done it already. She interviews in her usual grandiose fashion that she took this big step because she felt the need to "step up," like, hello, blockhead, you're one of the two people on your team who have ducked it until now. You're not so much "stepping up" as you are choosing not to be the very last weenie to take the reins. (That very last weenie, by the way, would be Heidi the self-appointed local bad-ass, if you're keeping score.) The team decides that Assorama indeed will be the project manager. There is a delicious irony in the fact that they made her the PM for a task that turned out to be as dependent as any they've ever done on your basic likeability. Of course, as explained previously, the other choice was Heidi, so...I think that makes Assorama the devil and Heidi the deep blue sea. Or vice versa. Assorama interviews with a grin that if the team wins, she will "seal [her] fate in this game." I totally agree. One win by her team will pretty much render everything else that happens irrelevant, as the world does, after all, revolve on an axis labeled with her name, while stars with her face engraved in their sides twinkle in the heavens.
The morning, the silver phone rings. Robin tells Assorama that Trump wants them at Wollman Rink in forty-five minutes. Aw, Serendipity…aw, Cusack…awwww, Wollman Rink. I literally had to fire up Rhapsody and listen to a little Nick Drake. Anyway, Heidi voices over that she has no idea what's coming, as we watch Kwame ironing. With, I would point out, a six-inch swath of boxers sticking out above his pants. Kwame apparently just walked off the set of Clueless, where he was participating in the famous "As if!" sequence. Heidi says firmly that Protégé must win. "We have no option," she says.
We see the candidates leaving, and then a nifty overhead shot slides from Trump Tower over to the rink. Nice. At the rink, Donald is checking out the rink, which is apparently yet another of his many dominions, and he's told that all is well. He plugs the rink rather clumsily (he has many possessions, but there is no such thing as Trump National Subtlety), and then goes off to meet the candidates. When he gets to them, he forces them all to sit through a lengthy story about how he rescued the rink from obscurity and saved it and is generally awesome, and how without him, there would be a great big mass of urban blight instead of all the skating. I have a feeling that the first real task during many of these challenges is pretending to care, if you know what I mean. I have no idea how accurate this little "Donald Trump, King of The Philanthropy Capades" tale really is, but he uses it as a lead-in to this week's task, in which, just as he "gave back" to the city, the Trumpettes will have the opportunity to "give back" by raising money at an auction at Sotheby's for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation. Starting a sad trend that will last throughout the episode, Trump pronounces her name "Glay-zshur." Not. At any rate, Trump tells them that the teams will be meeting with five celebrities each, to set up some kind of an "experience" with that celebrity that can be auctioned off for charity. Whoever pimps out their celebrities for the most money total will be the winner. Losers to the Boardroom, as usual. "Good luck, do well, and raise lots of money for this great charity," he says. Because if you don't raise money for charity, you will be humiliated and tossed aside like the garbage you are! It's all about the love, people.
The teams retire to S4 to for pre-task plotting. Katrina explains that Bill and Tammy were the only VersaCorpians who hadn't yet acted as project manager, so the team elected Boyfriend Bill, on the theory that he's "better suited to this task" than Tammy. Because the task doesn't involve tuning in to signals from outer space, or getting in touch with your inner social bumbler, or whatever it is that Tammy specializes in. VersaCorp reviews its list of celebrities: Regis Philbin (heh), Rocco DiSpirito (bleh), Carson Daly (ugh), Tiki Barber (who plays for the New York Giants, for the non-football fans among you), and Ed Bernero (the executive producer of Third Watch, which I didn't even realize was still on until I saw this episode). Over at Protégé, they review their list, and they've got Russell Simmons (king of hip-hop), Kate White (editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan), Nicole Miller (fashion designer), Isaac Mizrahi (another fashion designer, in case you don't shop Target), and the cast of Queer Eye. Okay, seriously, if you cannot win this task at this particular moment in history with the Queer Eye guys, you are doing something profoundly wrong. There is some talk among Protégé about how to pronounce "Mizrahi," and I'm kind of shocked that Assorama has no idea who he is. I mean, the guy's pretty damn famous, and she makes like she's never heard of him. Weird.
VersaCorp works on scheduling its pitch meetings. They call first to set up things with Tiki. Tiki-Tiki-Tiki. I could say that all day. In fact, I might. They then chat with Regis, whom Amy calls "Reege," which strikes me as overly familiar, but I suspect he's used to it by now. I don't think Regis is a guy who stands on ceremony, what with all the bellowing. Ereka explains that she is "star-struck" at the mere thought of meeting Regis Philbin. Is Ereka even on the show anymore? When was the last time she did anything? I swear, since she stopped getting in hellcat smackdowns, she's no fun anymore. They all high-five, because what could make you more of a hot hipster than an actual meeting with Regis Philbin? Except, you know, meeting someone who doesn't get seventy percent of his fan mail every week in six large bags delivered from America's largest retirement communities. Amy explains in an interview that if you bring all the candidates and their Type-A personalities into a meeting together, they have a tendency to be unprofessional and talk over each other, so they decided to split up. Ereka, Tammy, and Amy go to see Carson Daly, while Katrina, Nick, and Boyfriend Bill head off to see Tiki-Tiki-Tiki-Tiki-Tiki.
Assorama, of course, appears to be handling the phone calls alone at Protégé. Not surprising. No one else would be allowed to participate, obviously, lest someone actually play a relevant role besides The Queen. Moreover, it would not occur to her to allow anyone to do anything of significance without her, so she schedules two meetings that everyone will go to in one big gang. The meetings are with, as Assorama puts it, Russell Simmons and "Isaac Miz-har-ee." She stops. She laughs. "Did I say that right? Miz-a-ra-hee. I'll have it right before I meet with him." Yeah. Sure you will, there, kitten. On the trip to Simmons's office, there are two cabs involved, and Assorama gets a call on the Space Communicator from Jessie, who's in a cab with Kwame and is thinking that she'd like to call the charity before the meeting and get some details that might be useful. Assorama totally blows Jessie off and refuses to give her the charity's number, demanding instead to speak to Kwame. Jessie puts Kwame on the phone, and he explains again that they'd like the charity's number. Assorama refuses to give it to him, and then she actually hangs up on him. Kwame looks shocked, and he just stares at the Space Communicator, and he says nothing, but his face hollers, "Bitch just hung up on me, did you see that?" In her cab, Assorama happily snots that she had to hang up on them because they're "not listening to [her]." You know, there's been a lot of speculation on the forums that she might actually have something kind of…wrong with her…something that keeps her from being able to process the fact that other people don't exist purely to play roles in her life, and it's things like that that do kinda make you wonder. Jessie interviews that Assorama creates incredible "negative energy" everywhere she goes. "I think it would be best for the team if [Assorama] was fired," Jessie says. Jessie is all about magnanimous gestures on behalf of her fellow candidates, you know.
After the commercial, the title card of the week says, "Know What You're Up Against." Trump interviews that negotiation is very delicate, and you have to "try and [sic] figure out your opponent." He goes on, "Otherwise, you're going to look like an idiot." Frankly, I think it's a little late to give that advice to most of these people, but I may be overly pessimistic. Protégé walks into Russell Simmons's office building, with Assorama chattering the whole time about how they're all going to pitch him in one big group -- exactly the opposite of what they should do. Troy manages to announce the charity's name using a new incorrect pronunciation: "Elizabeth Glacier." Wait, why is Troy being interviewed sitting on a fire truck with a helmet under his arm? What? Is Troy a firefighter? Is it Career Day? Is Assorama going to be dressed like a nurse later? "My heart was into this," Troy says, holding his helmet earnestly. Kwame explains that at the Simmons appointment, the team "elected a pilot and a co-pilot" for the particular meeting -- him and Assorama, respectively. Everyone heads into the office.
Assorama interviews about how "surreal" it was to meet Simmons after seeing him on TV for such a long time. Simmons asks what they're there to do, and Kwame explains about the auction and the foundation. One point for him for correctly pronouncing "Glaser," at least, but that is the last point Kwame will be getting. Simmons abruptly looks at Kwame with a scowl. "Are you a lawyer?" You know, that's pretty much never a promising question, unless you're at a party talking to an attractive and obviously money-grubbing individual. Kwame says that he's not a lawyer, and Simmons asks what Kwame does. Kwame says his background is Wall Street. Kwame takes a deep breath and launches into the ideas that the team came up with that they might be able to auction off. First, they suggest a New Year's Eve "personalized concert." Oh, come on, folks. That's almost Tammy-worthy. Simmons is like, "No. What else?" Heh. Kwame suggests a one-year unlimited backstage pass. No. What else? Kwame interviews that he thinks Simmons just didn't take to his personality and found him "stiff." Yeah, I think so too, pretty much. Assorama now tells Simmons, as if he has never heard the words "charity" or "auction" before, that "the reason [they're] adding so many elements is that this is a charity auction, and we have to make it as appealing as possible." By the way, for those of you taking notes at home, write that one down, because I would say that comment is at least as patronizing as anything Jessie is going to say to Isaac Miz-a-ra-hee later. I totally think he should have said, "Oh, you're trying to make the packages appealing? Ohhhh, now I understand!" But good cause or not, Simmons says he just doesn't like any of their ideas. "None of them?" Assorama tilts her head and asks in a pathetic, pity-seeking voice. Ugh. What kind of a business demeanor is that supposed to be? What the hell makes that okay?
And now, The Rise Of Troy, Part One. Troy interviews that Assorama and Kwame were "awestruck" by Simmons, and were coming up totally dry. Back in the office, he cranks it up. "That's what we come up with, Russell, but we had the idea..." Simmons, his attention grabbed by this guy calling him by his first name, I think, looks at Troy hard, saying, "Try again?" Hee. Everyone laughs, and Troy grins. Russell incredulously asks where Troy is from. "I'm from Idaho, but originally, I'm from Montana," Troy says, stretching his hick accent until it twangs lovably. "You're not self-conscious about your accent, are you?" Simmons asks him. "You gonna make fun of me with my accent?" Troy grins shyly. Kwame interviews that Simmons looked at Troy "as if he was from Mars." He allows, though, that this helped "break the ice" with Simmons. Troy, fortunately, can back up his charm with at least something of an idea. He asks if Russell would be "willing to honor one person for one night and make them the center of attention." Now this, Simmons likes. He'll spend some time with the person and so forth. "Yeah, just make 'em feel as good as you can," Troy says. Kwame interviews that Troy is "a great closer," and adds that "his country demeanor helped close the deal." With that, they are dismissed. Troy certainly did bail Assorama out on that one, because she was tanking, big-time. He also managed to be gracious to Simmons when Simmons was kind of a dick to Kwame, in my opinion.
VersaCorp, meanwhile, pays a visit to Carson Daly, first seen strumming a guitar. I love when we get to see the artistic, sensitive side of Carson Daly. That's the side of him the Tara Reid never understood, you know. Anyway, Amy, Tammy, and Ereka come in to talk turkey. Ereka interviews that they were hoping to do some kind of deal involving his various music industry connections. Because Carson Daly is totally the music industry on a plate, you know. Provided you don't mind a plate that contains mostly cheese. Amy asks Carson what concerts are coming up that he might have something to do with, and he mentions the Z100 Jingle Ball. He calls it "very, very big." Amy asks if he would host a limo ride and eight tickets for a group. It looks like VersaCorp has come across yet another fairly smooth transaction to follow the good job they did at the flea market last week.
And then, without warning, Tammy changes track. "Do you know Tiger Woods?" she asks. A hesitant Carson gives her a noncommittal "Yeah." Yeah, there's nothing a famous person likes as much as being asked whether he knows someone more famous than he is. Tammy asks about auctioning off a round of golf with Carson and Tiger. "What have you been drinkin' tonight?" Carson asks her. Wait, wait, I know, I know! The answer is...straight grain alcohol, since nine o'clock this morning! "I can't get Tiger Woods these days to do my own talk show," Daly says through gritted teeth, "not to mention play golf." Amy interviews that Tammy treated poor Carson and his giant and famous aura like she didn't care so much about him as much as she did about his connection to other people. Even though Carson Daly is a tool and kind of deserves it, I totally agree with Amy, strategy-wise. Tammy made a big error there by failing to treat Carson Daly like enough of a celebrity. Some of these people have enormous and fragile egos, and the last thing you want to do is act like you only love them for their connections to people who are really important. She also made a major blunder by putting Daly in the position where he had to admit that he simply lacks the pull to make something happen. It's one thing to ask for too much -- to ask Simmons for something he's not willing to give, for instance -- but to ask for something that the guy has to just tell you he couldn't get even if he wanted to...that's very bad celebrity politics. I mean, politically, it's, like, Dukakis-having-his-picture-taken-in-a-tank bad.
Amy says that she and Ereka just stared at each other and prayed that Tammy would "shut up." But when Carson tries to ignore Tammy and get back to Amy and Ereka, Tammy jumps in again, talking about whether he could fly off with someone for a romantic weekend, and Amy again looks like she's going to go over and grab Tammy by the neck. Daly guides the conversation back to the Jingle Ball idea, and Amy clarifies that he could take the winner backstage and introduce them around and such. Tammy returns one more time to golf, because she has some kind of a fetish, and says, "How about a celebrity and you?" Okay, she's stupid, but that is freaking brilliant. You could watch TV for a year and not see anything funnier than this wingnut turning to Carson Daly and saying with no hesitation at all, "How about a celebrity and you?" There is a pause. "Let's stick to the Z100 thing," he says. The rest of the team is probably lucky she didn't add, "So at the Z100 thing, will there be celebrities and you?" Tammy interviews that celebrities (and Carson Daly!) are just people who happen to have public jobs. And although I think that's kind of true, Carson Daly is a particular kind of celebrity with a particular kind of profile, and it's not the kind that suggests a vibe of "deep down, I am just a Regular Guy and that's how I want to be treated." Those guys don't carefully assure that they are first seen strumming their guitars, as if they were just in the middle of "House of the Rising Sun" when the cameras arrived. Daly commits to the Z100 idea, and the ladies get out of his hair in a hurry, before he can change his mind or Tammy can ask him if he knows Jimi Hendrix. Amy interviews that she would actually rather have prohibited Tammy from attending any meetings, but it appears that was not possible. Hee.
After the commercials, it's time to check in again with Protégé, as they visit the Queer Eye crowd. This segment brings you The Rise Of Troy, Part Two. He explains in an interview that he wanted to have a strategy for meeting with them that would create some kind of ice-breaker, just like what happened with Russell Simmons. "What is their job?" he asks rhetorically. "Their job is to critique straight men." Therefore, Troy takes off his belt before they go in, and he conceals it in his bag. It doesn't take long in the meeting before Carson says, to a winky look from Jai, "What is the belt situation?" "None," someone says disapprovingly. "You might as well be naked if you have no belt on," Carson says. "A country innocent boy who doesn't know how to dress?" Troy interviews. "I mean, I was a virgin on prom night to those kids." He explains that once that happened, the relationship was established, and all was well. The thing you know, he's explaining about the Pediatric AIDS Foundation. "Snaps for a good cause," Carson says in response, and everyone snaps. Of course, Assorama has to do very exaggerated, showy snaps, because she doesn't understand this brand of snapping at all, and in a room full of people giving snaps, she has to find a way to give the best and most important snaps. I don't think Assorama snaps in her day-to-day life unless she's trying to summon a waiter.
Troy says that they're trying to come up with a good idea that people will bid on. Troy first suggests taking a guest to a "conservative golf course" and slagging on the way everyone is dressed, which I think actually sounds very funny -- kind of Golf Without Pity -- but the guys don't immediately warm to it. Kyan (and I just want to say, since we don't recap this show and I never get to say it, that Kyan is the hottest thing on television, as far as I'm concerned) suggests that they do perhaps a different activity, and attention turns to a night of bowling. Aww, yeah, that would be fun, too. "How many times do you get to see gay guys bowling?" Carson asks. "Ne-ver!" Heidi says, leaning over to let them look down her shirt. Out of habit, I assume, because I think she's smart enough to know it's not a "sex sells" moment. She interviews that she and Troy totally tag-teamed it and closed the deal, so I'm assuming that she actually did something during this exchange, despite the fact that we don't actually see her doing anything. She also refers to the effectiveness of Troy's "southern charm." I mean...not to pick on Heidi, but Idaho isn't "the south" so much as it is "the north." "I think I did a fucking fantastic job," she interviews. I'm inclined to take her word for it, because she does tend to have such a discerning view of herself. An agreement is reached about Gay Disco Bowling. "That's very clever," someone says, and Carson -- of course -- says, "And it involves balls." So we get a cut directly to the balls of a giant bull statue, which...was kind of tacky and obvious, but hey, not every edit can be clever in the "wry" sense as opposed to the "giant bull testicles" sense.
The VersaCorp mini-team consisting of Boyfriend Bill and Katrina is busy meeting with Tiki Barber. Katrina says she's excited, because she's "a huge football fan." A football fan and a good person? An unbeatable combination, that. Boyfriend Bill tries to sell Tiki-Tiki-Tiki-Tiki on the idea of a "slumber party." Oh, sure, Boyfriend Bill offers charity slumber parties on behalf of others, but does he offer them himself? Nooooo. Elsewhere, Nick and Ereka are talking to Ed Bernero of Third Watch. Oh, wait, Katrina's there, too. Okay, they're bending time and space, but that's okay. I kind of like that; it makes me feel drunk. Anyway, Ed offers a walk-on for the show, because nobody wants a slumber party with a TV producer. Nick interviews that the task is "like the cherry on top of a sundae," because the negotiations are fun, you can do it well, and you can give money to charity.
Tammy, Amy, and Ereka meet with Rocco and Mama. Apparently, no one is tending the meatballs. And what's Tammy's opening idea for Rocco? Brunch in France. Rocco's blank expression is to be expected, but he tops it off with the entirely understandable question, "Who's paying for that?" Carolyn looks on disapprovingly. Tammy implies that Rocco would pay for it himself. He barely stirs, but basically gives her the "What else ya got?" treatment. Heh. Amy interviews that you can pretty much count on Tammy to say something in every meeting that they'd rather she wouldn't say. Now there is an understatement. They're lucky she hasn't gotten them tossed out of anyone's office yet. We don't see much more of that negotiation, which is kind of disappointing, because it seems like it goes well.
Assorama and Jessie go to visit Kate White, whom Assorama tries to impress by mentioning pseudo-casually, in a way that screams "I AM SUCKING UP!", that she recalls that Kate had something to do with Hillary's campaign and so forth. Elsewhere, Heidi and Troy go to see Nicole Miller, and I just love that Heidi went to see a designer wearing a horrible, unflattering top. Hilarious. The pink-and-black dress she's wearing in the interview just after is far, far better, and she actually looks kind of cute in it. Sweetheart pink can really only be worn ironically, you know.
And now, the great visit to Isaac Mizrahi. It appears that the entire Protégé squad has pretty much ganged up for this one, although Jessie is supposed to be the lead. Troy explains that Isaac designed clothes now for "Tar-jhay," a pronunciation I admit we sometimes use in my family as well. Jessie at least gets his name right. Unfortunately, she also speaks a little too slowly, although I don't have a lot of problem with the content. She says that "what's going to go on at this auction is that people are going to be bidding on an experience." Now what Mizrahi says is actually, "I thought you were speaking to me as if I've, like, never spoken the English language," and I almost think what he's saying is that when she started to say, "what's going to go on at this auction," he thought she was going to explain auctions generally, whereas what she was going for was more the explanation of the whole rather goofball idea of selling a "celebrity experience." So I don't really think what she did was that bad -- she is kind of talking too slowly, but that seems to be a personality quirk. Hey, she's from the Midwest. It's a long winter; we've got time to kill up here. She also laughs and smiles when he points it out, and she apologizes -- I mean, he put her in a really awkward spot, and I actually thought she recovered relatively gracefully. She was nervous, and I don't really think she did that hideously. In fact, it almost seems to operate like a Troy-like icebreaker, because when she's laughed it off, Mizrahi says, "You're a doll. Go on." Assorama, however, insists in her interview that Jessie "totally patronized the man," and that even after he pointed it out, she spoke too slowly and sounded bad. But when Jessie explains to him that they're thinking about "eight personally designed pieces," she's not really speaking that slowly, she's just not getting Mizrahi to bite on it. Furthermore, Assorama is now leaning over Jessie's shoulder, repeating everything she's saying, which is really not helpful and makes the whole thing lose any conversational flow that might otherwise build. Isaac does not dig their idea for Fashion Week, either, because it's "so much work." But again, he's kind of playing with them and being the big dramatic unhappy guy, so I don't think he's exactly preparing to storm out in a rage.
And now, The Rise of Troy, Part Three. Troy jumps in and suggests a combination of a couple of pieces and a preview of his collection. Isaac does like this, and reacts enthusiastically. He excitedly says that he thinks that sounds like it will actually work and be fun. As Assorama tries to close the deal, she mispronounces his name. He looks absolutely drop-dead shocked. She tries to cover by calling him "baby," which I think is even worse, and really is patronizing. The very idea that she would complain about Jessie talking down to him when she got his name wrong is...really remarkable. "Forget it," Isaac says about Assorama as she addresses the rest of the candidates. "President of the Donald Trump corporation? Forget it." He frowns while Assorama isn't looking, and shoots a head-shake at (I believe) Kwame. Heh. Troy nevertheless insists in an interview that Jessie was the weak link in the task. I had that sense, too, the first time I watched it, but now...how did Jessie do worse with Mizrahi than Assorama did with Russell Simmons? I think they both were absolutely SOL until Troy stepped in, and when you add on the fact that Assorama got the name wrong? Yeah, that's...that's much worse than Jessie struggling with the content of the Mizrahi pitch.
Later, Boyfriend Bill, Nick, and Amy are in a cab, talking about Tammy. Amy tells the horrifying story of Tammy trying to get Rocco to take someone to Europe. "She's not on the same page," says Boyfriend Bill. "She's not reading the same book," he adds. Hee. Bill despairs of what will happen if Tammy fucks up with Regis. Regis is the holy grail of the VersaCorp celebrity auction, I think they are convinced. "You've gotta take her tomorrow, Nick," Amy pleads. "Out of the question," Nick flatly retorts without even flinching. Heh. Tammy is the hot potato, that's for sure. As Amy prattles on about all this frustration, Nick reaches over to shush her with his hand. "Don't shush me!" she giggles. Nick reports that Amy just recently told him that she likes a man "to take charge," bleh, and she insists that this doesn't mean shushing her. "I would actually like a man to take charge on my own terms," she says. You know, Amy, every time a woman says a dumb-ass thing like that on television, it takes me an additional week to convince my male friends that women are not all irrational and impossible to navigate, so THANKS. In an interview, she giggles about the shushing, and on and on and whatever, I'm exhausted. I will say this for Amy: She has a loud, cackling laugh, and because I have one also, I give her a point for that. One point for the horrible laugh, seriously. "Just don't shush me, baby," she says. Yuck, I was happier with the horrible laugh.
The sun goes down. The sun comes up. Time for another day of negotiation for our candidates. First up is the VersaCorp negotiation with Regis. Tammy walks in and introduces herself, and Regis immediately says, "How nice you look, Tammy, in your business suit." Asshole. At least he didn't say "little business suit." Bill says that going into this negotiation, he had "a high level of concern about Tammy." He feels that her questions will cause the team to "lose credibility." Speaking of which, taking in the collection of stuff all around Regis's office, Tammy asks, "Do you live here?" Regis plays it off, but...yeah, not a good opening. Amy introduces the idea of "spend a day in the life of Regis Philbin," beginning with breakfast. Regis thinks his day is actually kind of boring, especially since he barely eats breakfast and does nothing first thing in the morning except feed his cat. Heh. "So what else?" Regis asks. Tammy interviews that the ideas that Amy was presenting weren't "exactly what [Regis] was looking for." Tammy, therefore, pitches "the big idea" of letting people bid on an exotic trip with Regis and Joy. Regis doesn't really warm to the idea of taking people he doesn't know on vacation with him, unsurprisingly, so that one pretty much falls flat. Yeah, no kidding. I barely want to go on vacation with people I like. Tammy also accidentally calls him "Phil" while pitching it, which is a result of the last name/first name confusion, but still. Get the name right, Tammy. Tonight is the night of name confusion. Amy asks about other events that Regis may be involved in, and Regis mentions his nightclub act. Regis has a nightclub act? Okay. Anyway, that's in Atlantic City, so they come up with a plan to sell a day with Regis, going down for dinner and a backstage look at the nightclub act. On the way out of Regis's office, everyone taps the "Play Like A Champion Today" sign above the door -- including George -- but Tammy doesn't, claiming to be too short. Which she isn't. I love George, although I kind of wish he had kicked Tammy on the way out.
When we get back from the commercial, it's auction night at Sotheby's. Boyfriend Bill explains that the candidates got a skybox from which they could watch the action on the floor. Trump -- with The Hair looking especially confusing this evening, and more like a slumbering animal than ever -- introduces the auction, and explains that it's for a great cause, so he encourages everyone to go out and spend some big money purchasing a favorite celebrity. Jessie interviews that her experience is mostly at "farm auctions" with the fast-talking auctioneers, so this was a teeny bit different. Well, at least you get to keep the cows.
Auctioneer guy starts with the Fab Five night of disco bowling. It goes for $9,000, and Boyfriend Bill admits that this good start for Protégé was "concerning." up is the Regis package. Regis Day goes for only $6,000. That would seem to make Regis worth substantially more on a per capita basis than Kyan, and that is impossible for me to accept. Ah, Kyan. Amy admits to a "pit in [her] stomach" [sic] and a fear that they were not going to take this one. up, Isaac Mizrahi. Winner gets a look at the collection, and then eight outfits. Boyfriend Bill says that Mizrahi "came out of the blocks in a full sprint." The package immediately gets to $7000, but then goes no higher. So it's $7000 for the Mizrahi. up is the VersaCorp Rocco package, which consists of a private party with dinner for fifty, so they did a nice job of getting a fat deal from Rocco. Boyfriend Bill continues the play-by-play, saying that every paddle that went up to bid on Rocco was like "a defibrillator paddle" (hee) helping him recover from his earlier panic attack over losing. "I was breathing on my own after about twelve thousand dollars," he says. Oh, Boyfriend Bill. I fear we will always be kept apart by my distaste for cigars. Anyway, Rocco's dinner goes for $13,000, which puts things back on track for VersaCorp. It's kind of ironic that a guy who specializes in giant wads of meat was compared to defibrillator paddles, don't you think?
The Kate White package is . I don't even know what you get with "Cosmo Day" unless they stand around and quiz you all day about whether you are too sexually aggressive, but in any event, this is where we whiz through a couple of rounds that are pretty uneventful. "It was literally a boxing match," Boyfriend Bill says. Ohhhhh...Boyfriend Bill. You said "literally." By which you meant "figuratively." You are lucky you are cute, Boyfriend Bill, or it would be over for good. Kate White goes for $6,000. Third Watch goes for $7,000. Nicole Miller internship (fifteen days) goes for $6,000. Tiki Barber goes for only $4,000. Hey, who's disrespecting the Tiki-Tiki-Tiki? Harrumph. Boyfriend Bill looks despondent. I'm not sure this is a football-player crowd, unfortunately. The Russell Simmons "opportunity" goes for $7,000. And then, it's time for Carson Daly. Jingle Ball. Tiger Woods sold separately. Boyfriend Bill says that he knew people liked Carson, but he never expected him to do better than Regis. That is indeed what occurs, though, partly thanks to a young woman whose mom is apparently letting her bid. ["And who apparently is not from the New York area, because…the Jingle Ball? I mean…no. Just…really, really no." -- Sars] Mom almost doesn't let her go to $10,000, but finally she relents, and that is the final price of Carson. It's a great moment when, after $9,000 goes once and twice, Mom reaches over and taps the daughter on the arm, like, "Oh, whatever," and daughter flies up with her paddle. It's a little bit cute, if you can put out of your mind the fact that she's doing all this over something involving Carson Daly. Much totaling of numbers ensues. Carolyn says they'll all be gathering in a conference room for results.
When Trump comes in to deliver the news, he tries to soft-pedal it, because he feels pretty warm and fuzzy about all the charity money. But in the end, Protégé made $35,000, while VersaCorp made $40,000. Thank you, Rocco DiSpirito and your dinner for fifty. There is no reward this week, because charity is its own reward, according to Trump. Gee, thanks. So Protégé will be seeing Trump in the Boardroom again.
That evening, VersaCorp goes out to celebrate. Boyfriend Bill comments that it was "a nail-biter." They toast to the team, and all agree that the team is "a lovefest." Nick does what I assume is supposed to be an impression of Troy trying to sweet-talk Trump in the Boardroom, and then talk turns to Tammy. She admits she's "in left field." She promises to catch the ball if they hit it to her. I don't know, I think they're all nutty, and more than a little drunk.
Amy and Nick walk into Trump Tower together. She gives him a cheek/neck smooch over her shoulder as they walk and he teases her, so that was a little cute. He interviews that she's "a great girl that I just love spending time with," which is directly from his deck of cards entitled 500 Ways To Say "Eh, Maybe." They chat inside the suite over a beer, as she explains that she got married very young and it didn't work out. She says she plans to get married again within three years. Well, all righty then. I'll tell you, I think the unbending marriage timeline is a veritable Boy Magnet, so...you keep it up, girl. They get on the topic of naming kids, and it turns out that Nick has already decided to name his kids Jake and Brooke -- because he will be having his kids in suburban Chicago, circa 1998 -- and if his wife doesn't like it, she won't be his wife. Great plan, there. Nick interviews, "Women have been the result of a lot of men's downfalls." And when he says "result," he means "cause." "And it ain't gonna be me," he concludes. So that's your big romance. Snore. ["I really really super extra don't like Nick. Shut up, Nick." -- Sars]
The day. Manhattan. Again. Up in S4, Assorama is walking on the treadmill, explaining that she's "not worried about anybody in the Boardroom," because she will "talk circles around Jessie and her farm ideas, and Troy and his country attitude, and Kwame with his MBA perspectives." I cannot tell you how firmly I feel that I would never hire anyone, ever, who had that little respect for the people she works with, period. For starters, a woman who can't control her mouth enough not to yap about "country attitude" and "farm ideas" is eventually going to get you sued, and I am serious. She's going to pick the wrong thing to say, and it's going to land you directly in court. She then talks to Jessie, and basically tells her that she was the worst at the task and should expect to be taken to the final table. "You were horrible yesterday," she says, which is gratuitous and unnecessary, not to mention substantially overstated. Jessie thinks she did well, which Assorama, no English major in addition to no diplomat, calls "ironic," because she thinks Jessie did badly. That's not ironic, Assorama. "Incorrect" and "ironic" may look similar, but they're actually very different words. Kind of like "Miz-ha-ree" and "Miz-ra-hee." She says that Jessie was so bad that a failure to take her into the Boardroom would reflect badly on Assorama. Yeah...still not ironic. Sorry, dear. Anyway, Assorama is clearly looking for Jessie to agree with her that she was horrible, and I just don't agree that Jessie did anything so bad that she was obligated to do that. So Assorama is forced to leave unsatisfied, so at least that makes me happy.
Jessie gives a whimpery interview in which she insists that whatever happens on a task, "it's the character behind the person that's the most impor-tant." I don't know...she's going to have a hard time selling that argument to me, considering what she pulled with Kristi last week. I don't know that the bad advice about passivity was on purpose, but telling her that she, Jessie, would support her when she never intended to was not necessary, and was pretty snakelike. Troy voices over, as they leave for the Boardroom, that the two people who are in jeopardy are clearly Assorama and Jessie. He says again that Jessie was "absolutely the weakest one." Yes, the law of the jungle has clearly identified Jessie as the wounded gazelle. Eat her! She's weak! Eat her!
Boardroom. George and Carolyn are soon joined on their side of the table by Donald. He calls it "a close match," and says that while they "didn't do terribly," they lost, and somebody has to go. Troy "Just As Long As It's Not Me" McClain, asked for his opinion, says that he thinks Omarosa did a "fantastic job," even though he initially questioned her leadership. Heidi, asked to comment on Assorama, says that she was "pleasantly surprised." Heidi then makes what I think is probably a mistake by saying, "We couldn't have done anything different." I think a guy like Trump always wants to see you looking for things you might have been able to do differently. "But somebody has to go, Heidi. Who do you think has to go?" "It's a very, very difficult decision," she says. "But who has to go?" he asks. "I wouldn't make that decision," she says. He asks her if this means she won't make any decision, and she insists that because she's not the project manager, she doesn't have to, and she seems to just not get that he wants her opinion, and he's saying she does have to, because he's the boss and he's telling her she has to. Anyway, she eventually gives up, after more hedging than a professional topiary gardener, that the only person who had any difficulties was Jessie. So maybe Jessie? I swear, she is such a weenie. What happened to "up-front"? Trump turns to Jessie. "Who should go?" Jessie muses that sometimes leaders "succumb to the pressure," which is also unbelievably weak, as a response. Pressed for details, Jessie just repeats that she thinks Assorama "is a good leader," but just "succumbed to the pressure."
Trump turns to Assorama and asks her -- is this true? "Absolutely not," Assorama says. "I was born to be a leader." I'm sorry, but...of whom? Seriously. Who would follow someone who has nothing but contempt for everyone she comes in contact with? "There was a weak link," Assorama says, "and she's trying to protect herself." Kwame is asked what he thinks, and he says Assorama did a great job. But he thinks Jessie "had the most difficult negotiation." Trump has to ask about three times, but Kwame eventually admits that he probably thinks Jessie is the most ripe for a firing. Man, I have seen criminal defendants who are more forthcoming with answers. Jessie argues that the reasons for the difficulties with Mizrahi were that he knew better what would be a valuable "experience" with him, so he was better able to decide.
Asked how Heidi did, Assorama calls her "fantastic." She goes on, "I haven't always been a fan of Heidi...I haven't always felt that she was professional, or that she had much class or finesse, but..." Heidi laughs uncomfortably, because she really has no choice. "That's one of the worst compliments I ever heard," Trump says, and initially, I think the women think he's teasing, but he's dead-killer-serious. Trump keeps on about that being a pretty crappy remark, which I agree with, and Heidi protests, "I have a lot of class." Heh. Good one. Trump asks Heidi if she thinks Assorama has class, and Heidi says that she didn't used to think so, but now she does. Again, Heidi has no choice, because she's decided to play this scene from the acting manual labeled "Passive" instead of "Aggressive." Moreover, when Trump asks Heidi whether she likes Assorama, she says earnestly, "I do like her." Trump expresses some surprise that after Assorama's last remark, Heidi would still like her. Assorama is still smiling pleasantly, insisting that she and Heidi are "very candid." Of course, they're both being completely the opposite of candid, especially Heidi, who is pretending not to be bothered by someone taking shots at her, because we're all such up-front and fearless people. "She's entitled to her opinion," Heidi says. Well, that's big of her, and also true, but it doesn't really answer the question. "I know myself, I have class," Heidi finishes firmly. Hee. Hee hee. Oh, that Heidi.
Trump turns to Carolyn. "What do you think?" he asks her. Carolyn looks down at her notes calmly, and then she turns to Assorama. "Isaac's last name?" she says. Assorama looks visibly ill. "Miz-a-ra-hee," she says, still not really quite right. But much closer. Carolyn says, "You learned that a little too late." Assorama plays it off, talking about how terribly funny it all is, because people get her name wrong, too, and she hates it, so it's not bad that she flubbed it, it's just amusingly ironic. Carolyn points out that she finds it odd that Assorama would rail at Jessie for not having handled the negotiation professionally when she herself didn't even get the man's name right. And, I would point out, Assorama also did a completely ass job of handling the mistake, in that instead of apologizing, she acted like it wasn't, as Jessie would say, impor-tant. Jessie points out that she and Assorama were actually paired up to do that negotiation, so they share the responsibility for the fact that it didn't go well. "You were the lead, Jessie," Assorama snips. "Please take responsibility for your actions." The unadulterated level of snot in this remark is what I think Trump is talking about for the entire remainder of this conversation. There comes a point where you do not allow people to speak to you in certain ways, and Assorama has just cruised right by that point. "Do you like [Assorama] the way she just talked to you?" Trump asks. "I do like [Assorama]," Jessie insists. Again, Trump is flabbergasted. How can Jessie like someone who talks to her so contemptuously? "She's got a very sharp edge," Trump says. He turns to Heidi and dismissively says, "She destroyed you with a compliment," at which point Heidi jumps in and says, all fake-bravado, "She didn't destroy me." See, Heidi, he's not asking you whether she did. He's telling you that she did, because what he means is not that you were wounded by it, but that she made you look like an ass. Which she did. Trump returns to Jessie and her claim that she likes Assorama, who is treating her like crap. "Either you're not telling the truth, or you're not very bright." Ouch. And...yes. I love it when Donald Trump is the voice of reason. It makes the universe feel kind of slanted.
Anyway, it's time for Assorama to bring people to the final table. Trump tells her flat-out that he thinks she was "very rude" to Jessie and Heidi, just as a side note. Unsurprisingly, these are the people she brings along. Troy and Kwame retire to the suite. The ladies retire to the yellow couch in the lobby.
After the commercials, it's time for the firing at last. Asked for his thoughts, George says that he thinks Assorama has a "tendency to be abrasive." He thinks that this has an effect on a leader's ability to "handle all [the] troops." He then says he thinks she "overmatched" Jessie with Mizrahi, going on to say that Mizrahi is a character and it "wasn't a good leadership decision." I'm not sure if that means Jessie shouldn't have been the lead, or what. He says, "[Assorama's] leadership quality is in question." Carolyn says that Assorama "may possess certain leadership qualities, but [Carolyn] really didn't see them come out today." Trump calls the women back in.
When they're back, Trump asks Jessie why she should not be fired. Jessie says that the reason she shouldn't be fired is that character is important. "Do you think these two people have good character?" "I think that Heidi has great character," Jessie says. Aaaaand? Assorama? Jessie says, "I like [Assorama] very much." Trump says, flat-out, "I can't believe that. You're saying you like her, and maybe that's a smart thing to do, but I don't believe you like her." He turns to Heidi. "And I don't believe you can like her the way she talked to you, either." "Ummmm, no," Heidi says with a grin, getting the scent in the wind. Of course, given that five minutes ago, she said, "I do like her," that's a problematic effort at wiggling. Trump now turns to Assorama. He asks her why she shouldn't be fired. She says that it's because she demonstrated leadership. How? Does she think that belittling people is leadership? Or cowing them? That's not leadership, that's just bullying. Trump asks Heidi who she thinks should be fired. She tries again to save her own wimpy butt by saying that for being called classy and unprofessional, she would say Assorama. Trump talks some more about how ridiculous it was that Jessie and Heidi both sat there while Assorama treated them like crap, and he makes it pretty clear that no amount of backtracking at this point is going to fool him.
Back to Jessie. Trump tells her, "I think you were overly nice to [Assorama], who treated you terribly. And I don't love that." I really liked that line. I am particularly happy to see a very powerful man saying to a young woman who wants to work for him that niceness at all costs is not what he's looking for from her. What I like about the way he handled this (I'm serious! I was totally pro-Trump!) is that he made it clear that he does not endorse Assorama's brand of abusive bitchery, but that he also doesn't expect Jessie to sit by and smile while somebody tries to step on her. He's rejecting the model that all of these three women seem to be operating under that it's a choice between being a nasty wretch and being a doormat. I would also point out that Heidi and Jessie, in a sense, really insulted Trump when they put on those happy faces after being dicked over. What they're saying to Trump by using that particular method of sucking up is that they don't believe he will find Assorama's behavior offensive, despite the fact that it was unmistakably offensive, and they're not sure he'll respect them for standing up to her. It's as if they're saying they don't trust him to be on the right side of a battle between a total jerk and the person that the total jerk is pounding on, so they're hedging by pretending they don't mind. It would bug me too, I think. I feel Donald's pain. Anyway, he tells Heidi she's basically guilty of the same thing, although she seems a little more experienced and a little tougher about it. I'll take "more experienced," anyway.
"[Assorama]," he says, "you were very rude to these two people. How they took it is unbelievable to me, because you were rude. You are rude." She makes a face, which I'm sure will really help. He says, though, that worse than the rudeness is the fact that Jessie sat still for it. Trump starts to fire Jessie, and she tries to cut him off -- remembering, undoubtedly, Kristi's experience with failing to defend herself. She tries to talk to him about who he wants representing him, but she's getting nowhere, because it's just plain too late. "Please don't fire me, Mr. Trump," Jessie says, and that's just…unseemly. "Jessie, you were the worst negotiator. But worse than that, I hated the way you took so much crap from [Assorama]. To me, that was a form of weakness." He keeps it up: "I didn't like what she was doing, and it was repulsive to me. But worse, was the way you took it." "Please. Please," Jessie pleads. "I have no choice, and I have to say that you're fired." Assorama smirks, and I really think she might want to reconsider that, given that he did just call her behavior "repulsive." I'm not sure she has a lot to be happy about. They're all dismissed.
As Jessie leaves, Trump says that he fired Jessie for failing to stand up for herself, even though she's "a nice girl." They all agree that things are going to get more and more difficult from here on out. Jessie gets into her cab.
In her post-show taxi interview, Jessie just seems completely shell-shocked, talking about what a good experience she had. She still doesn't manage to say, "And Assorama is a total bitch," which would have been the only way to save her dignity.
week: Katrina has a hissyfit. Apartment renovations. Something bad happens to Heidi. Assorama has more problems. Looks like quite an episode.