Props to Teenes and Autodidact.
A doctor named Rabinaw exits a gated psychiatric ward. Even the crazies are getting snooty and want to keep out the riff-raff. Rabinaw stops to chat with a nurse, and sees that she's doing a crossword puzzle. He asks for one of the clues, and she reads, "In a mellifluous manner. Seven letters, ends in a 'Y.'" He thinks about it and then says, "Give me another one." It seems like the answer should be "sweetly." It also seems like this is an in-joke of some kind, so maybe it isn't "sweetly" after all. Or maybe the point is that he's not very good at crossword puzzles. Maybe I'm overanalyzing. The puzzling (the doctor's and mine) is interrupted when another nurse calls for Rabinaw. He hurries into another gated corridor.
A patient named Philip has collapsed after taking his meds. Hey! They said "meds" instead of "drugs" this time. Good for them. Rabinaw checks him and asks the nurse how much lithium she gave Philip. The nurse whoopsies that she gave him Thorazine. The doctor abandons his unconscious patient (nice one, doc) and frantically looks through the nurse's notes to find out who missed his or her dose of Thorazine. He stops at one page and moans, "Oh, God." Just then, crashing noises start up.
Rabinaw calls for a goon (I think they're probably called "orderlies," but for the purpose of this episode they're goons) and enters another gated section of hallway. The crashes are coming from a door at the end of the hall. Then the crashes stop, and so do Rabinaw and the goon. Just as Rabinaw sighs with relief, the door is knocked off its hinges. Thank goodness Slayers and vampires are mortal enemies, because if they ever teamed up, we'd be living in a world without doors. A girl walks out into the hall, and we finally find out whatever happened to Skank of Rick. Apparently, she's now a crazy girl named Dana. I can tell Dana's crazy, because her hair is brushed forward in a tangled mass over her face. And I don't mean just a little. Someone took a brush and pulled it all forward over her face and shoulders so that we'd know she's crazy. The hospital gown and the glazed look on her face wouldn't have been enough of a clue. Rabinaw tries to speak soothingly as he and the goon retreat and close the gate. Another goon arrives just as Dana sees a needle in Rabinaw's hand, and promptly pulls the gate apart. The goons start waving clubs around, and get beaten up for their trouble. Then Dana sees a cart of medical gear and picks up a bone saw that just happened to be lying around in this psychiatric ward. This hospital gets creepier every minute. While Dana looks over the saw, one of the orderlies sneaks up and clubs her over the head. Dana reacts by swinging the saw out and doing something I think we can assume is fatal to the orderly's neck. Rabinaw runs away, and Dana turns to the other orderly, who's moaning on the floor. She bends over him with the axe, and then there are some impressively gross sound effects. Dana stands up and turns to face the camera as she draws bloody lines down her face with her fingertips.
Credits. I'll just mention that I'm very happy this episode finally aired. Because Johanna's mostly unspoiled, but sometimes I tell her things when I just can't keep them to myself, especially if I can't stop laughing about them. So it's my own fault, but for weeks it's been, "When are they cutting off Spicule's hands? When? Do his hands get cut off week?" The hand-severing naturally reminded her of Lindsey, and led to her theorizing that Spicule will wind up doing what every other character on Angel has done, but times two. We can't wait till he gets pregnant with twins, then kidnaps them from himself and has sex with them. Ew. Okay, we can wait for the last part.
Gunn walks down the hall. He's wearing a grey vest and pants over a pale blue shirt. Mmm, vest. Mmm, shoulders. Gunn's pretty. He's saying stuff, too, I guess. Fred wanders in, and it takes me a long time to notice that she's actually wearing jeans instead of another miniskirt. That's nice. Come to think of it, they did a very nice job dressing everyone in this episode. Gunn finishes his call, and Fred asks if he's "playing chicken with the District Attorney." Gunn insists that it's just a professional rivalry, and that they save their real conflicts for the golf course. Fred huhs, and Gunn explains that his lawyer upgrade came with bonus golf-playing skills, too. Okay, this is officially a running gag now, right? As long as it's intentional. Fred complains that our forefathers (a quartet!) didn't envision golf as part of our judicial system. Gunn argues that they've done a lot of good at Wolfram & Hart: "Lives saved, disasters averted, with all our fingers and souls still attached." Heh. Heh heh heh. He insists that they made the right choice in joining Wolfram & Hart.
Cut to Angel, saying that maybe joining Wolfram & Hart was a mistake. He's talking to Wesley and Cary in his office as Gunn and Fred enter. Cary mentions "Parasite Eve," and Gunn nervously asks if Angel is firing her. They discuss what they should do about her misbehavior last week, and Gunn argues that Eve is the Senior Partners' liaison: "Move against her without solid proof, and it could end in a long, bloody fight." Angel sighs, "I think I liked you better when you just wanted to hit people." I know I did. On the other hand, there's the vest. Tough call. Cary asks, "So we aren't gonna snap Twiggy into little sticks?" Hee. Angel agrees with Gunn that it's too risky. Gunn says that they can "restrict her access" and keep an eye on her. Good lord, why weren't they keeping an eye on her before? Morons.
Harmony enters and announces that "some loony's hatched from the bin." Thinking this is someone else's problem, Wesley tells Harmony to notify the authorities. Harmony harrumphs that they'll need an exorcist to catch the girl. Angel asks, "She's possessed?" Harmony replies, "Duh! Didn't I say that?" Wesley hops up to form a search party, maybe because he's thinking this is his big chance to find his very own crazy girl, and he can hug her and pet her and squeeze her and call her Georgina. Angel says that possession cases have to be handled with finesse.
Over at the nuthouse, the doors of two elevators open simultaneously. Angel and Spicule step out of their elevators and see each other. Okay, I think two "ironic juxtaposition" segues in a row is more than sufficient. Quit it. Spicule laughs, and Angel ignores him and walks onward. Angel's wearing a lovely three-quarter-length jacket. I love it. Wish he'd tuck his damn shirt in underneath it, though. Why doesn't he? Is that the look now? Is it that he's got a gut? I don't care if he has a gut. Tuck in the shirt! Or give him another hoodie or some kind of shirt that doesn't need to be tucked in. But this just looks sloppy. Angel marches on and asks Spicule why he's there. Spicule says he's "hero of the people now." Angel snaps, "Then go annoy them." He doesn't ask how Spicule knew about the escapee, sadly. I'd say that Lindsey sent Spicule, except how would Lindsey know, and why would Lindsey care? As they pass the security gate Dana mangled, Angel eyes it and asks Spicule, "Shouldn't you be out protecting the streets from people like you?" They reach the offices, which are, oddly, not by the elevators. The crossword-puzzling nurse and Rabinaw ask what their visitors want. Angel hands over his business card and says he's going to find Dana for them. Rabinaw, confused, says, "A lawyer?" and adds that he told the police everything. Angel asks him to go over it again in case he forgot something. Spicule says, "What he said. But with a bit more of a threat at the end."
We cut straight past whatever explanation Angel gives for his interest in Dana's case. Or at least, the gap in time allows me to pretend that Angel did offer an explanation. Angel examines Dana's room, which is covered with childish drawings of monsters menacing people. Rabinaw explains that Dana's family was murdered when she was ten, and that the murderer kidnapped Dana and tortured her for months before she was found wandering the streets, almost catatonic. Rabinaw adds that, a few months ago, Dana became more agitated and began to display "inhuman strength." Spicule sniffs, "Demon possession," which Rabinaw scoffs at. Spicule insists, "I've got a demon [that] needs repossessing," and stomps out. Angel apologizes for Spicule's behavior: "He's -- is 'pathological idiot' an actual condition?" Rabinaw unhappily says that Angel should stop Spicule: "If he finds Dana, he's gonna wind up dead like the others." Angel mutters, "He'll just end up coming back." Ha! Rabinaw leaves, and Angel looks around at the drawings of monsters and people in graveyards. "What isn't he telling me?" Angel wonders. He turns around and sees the crossword-puzzling nurse in the doorway. She significantly mentions that the doctor videotaped his sessions with Dana, and Angel asks to see the tapes.
Cut to a big grocery store. Or maybe it's a Wal-Mart-y place, since it seems to have a lot of stuff besides food. A clerk notices Dana munching on something in one of the aisles. The fact that she's wearing the hospital gown and slippers does not give him pause. Or maybe it does, since he's pretty nice about explaining that she has to go pay for the food before she can eat it. Dana ignores him, so he puts his hand on her shoulder and tells her more firmly to stop. Dana snaps his arm. While he wails, she picks up her saw and I get a little nervous, but she just steps over him and walks away.
In the "miscellaneous clothing" aisle of whatever the hell kind of store this is, Dana pulls on a pair of jeans. She reaches up and grabs a grey t-shirt, and then stares at it. Quick flashback of a man wearing a grey shirt walking past some bars. Then a shot of some tools on a workbench. A hand picks up a hacksaw or something like that. Then we see young Dana, chained to some pipes and crying. I can tell it's Dana because, even back then, she had crazy hair. As Dana keeps staring at the shirt, a security guard appears with his gun aimed at her. He says that he doesn't want to have to hurt her. Dana turns her head slowly, the way someone on a TV show does when they're about to get very violent. She does it well, though.
Cut to Dana walking out of the store, wearing the grey t-shirt under a flannel top. Her move: form a band. Oh, and she's still got her saw, which appears to have been freshly used.
Angel watches the videotapes of Dana's "therapy." She's in a straitjacket, twisting around angrily and chanting gibberish. The nurse explains that Rabinaw was planning to do a book about Dana: "That's why he doesn't want anyone to know about [the videotapes]." Yes, that makes perfect -- what? Angel asks the nurse if she's the one who called Wolfram & Hart. The nurse explains that her cousin works at the firm, and that she thought this might "get her foot in the door." Yes, that makes perfect -- double-what? Okay, I guess, if the nurse thought Dana was possessed and knew that Wolfram & Hart were into the demon hijinks. And the tapes would lead to that conclusion, since we see Dana channeling deep raspy voices. I still don't understand why it's a deep dark secret that a doctor was writing a book about his patient, though. Angel notices something and rewinds to listen again. "It's Romanian," he says. The nurse asks if he understands it, and Angel tensely says that he does.
Police cars surround the mysterious store of random things. Spicule wanders through, unmolested, as they cart away the wounded. He sees a few drops of blood in the parking lot, dips his finger in them, and sniffs. And away he goes. I wish we'd seen him pretending to be a cop or something. It was pretty funny when Angel did that, and it would fit in with Spicule's string of impressions. Or maybe Spicule could pretend to be a reporter. For the Enquirer or something.
From his car, Angel calls Wesley and orders him to put together an assault team with "non-lethal ordnance." Wesley says he's been brushing up on demonic possessions. Angel interrupts: "That's not what's happening."
Dana wanders through an abandoned building while Angel voice-overs about all the drawings of demons. Angel adds that there's a girl in some of the drawings, but that each one is different, so they aren't Dana. Then he mentions the videos that showed Dana speaking different languages. Dana stares out the window at the Los Angeles skyline. "Likin' the view?" Spicule asks. Dana turns to look as Spicule says he wants to have a chat "about mistreating little girls. Demon to demon." He vamps out.
Angel tells Wesley, "She was yelling about being chosen. She's not a demon, Wes. She's a vampire Slayer."
Dana stares at vamped-out Spicule and gets a happy, evil grin. I like her.
Commercials. Hey, they figured out the whole problem in the first act. That's refreshing. Especially since the commercials kept mentioning that she was a Slayer, so I'm glad they didn't try to save that as a surprise twist. Okay, here's on thing: Angel recognized the Romanian. I'm fine with that. But why was Dana speaking Romanian? Doesn't that imply there was a Romanian Slayer at some point? Do you think the infamous Gypsy girl was a Slayer? And maybe Darla and Angel didn't even know? Or maybe they did and didn't care to mention it, but I think it's funnier if they didn't know. Granted, I'm not sure any of it is intentional, but I have to keep myself entertained somehow.
When we return, Dana swipes at Spicule with the saw. They fight. He tosses her into some rubble, and then gets a bit less cocky when she trades the saw for a broken shard of wood. They spin and swat and then Spicule just barely manages to keep Dana from shoving the stake into him. She growls at him in what I'll take Teene's word for is Mandarin. Spicule chirps, "Sorry, luv, I don't speak Chinese." He knocks her back and goes into slo-mo. Which turns out to be a poor decision, since Dana grabs him by his coat and tosses him out the window.
Spicule crashes to the ground, and apparently he had enough presence of mind to devamp in mid-air. An Angelmobile 2.0 rolls to a stop behind him. Yes, I, too, thought Angel might just crash into Spicule, and then say, "Oh, sorry, bad brakes on this thing." Instead, Angel hops out of the car and angrily asks what happened. Spicule sulks, "I just thought I'd see what it was like to bounce off the pavement. Pretty much what I expected." Angel says that a team is on the way, and orders Spicule to stay out of it. How'd he find Spicule so quickly, anyway? Can he trace Spicule's scent (ew) from inside a car? Maybe it's better not to think about it. Spicule says he knows what's wrong with the girl: "Chinese demon. Maybe a water dragon, or one of those elemental thingies." Angel huffs and walks away. Spicule calls after him: "What?"
And suddenly Angel and Spicule are back at Wolfram & Hart. What happened to the team that was on the way? I'm confused. It's fine if the girl escaped and they went back to form a new plan, but a single line of explanation might have been nice. Instead, we cut to Spicule saying, "A psychotic vampire Slayer." Angel asks how many times Spicule is going to say that. I love the idea that he kept repeating that the whole ride home. Angel grumps that Spicule let the girl get away. Well, that resembles an explanation, except it doesn't really explain anything. Angel adds that Wesley contacted Giles, who "sent in his top guy to retrieve [Dana]."
Angel and Spicule step into the conference room, where the MoG have gathered. Along with Andrew. Who's wearing a suit and smoking a pipe. Okay. I suspect that Giles sent Andrew not because he suddenly has a lot of respect for Andrew, but because he has very little respect for Angel and Wesley. Which is fair. Andrew gasps upon seeing Spicule, who moans, "Oh, for the love of --" Then Andrew rushes over to embrace him. Andrew mumbles into Spicule's shoulder, "My therapist thought I was holding on to false hope, but I knew you'd come back. You're like Gandalf the White resurrected from the pit of the balrog. More beautiful than ever." Andrew's endless geekism isn't all that funny to me, but Tom Lenk himself does amuse me. He's funnier than the character is, basically. Him and his dioramas. Oh, and I'm glad Andrew's got a therapist. I hope Giles insisted on real therapy and not just some more nature walks this time. Angel watches Andrew clutch Spicule and finally asks, "You two know each other?" Heh. Andrew replies, "We saved the world together. I mean, Buffy helped, but it was mostly us."
Back somewhere near the plot, Wesley says that they were "about to bring everyone up to speed on Slayer mythology." Oh joy. Andrew interrupts and says they should hear it from an expert, meaning himself. Wesley sits down and snides, "Please, enlighten us." And then there's exposition, and Andrew says "Vam-Pyres" a lot. Andrew pauses by Fred as he explains that the first Slayer was a young girl who was given demonic powers, and makes little devil-horns over her head with his fingers. Hee. Blee blah every generation bloo blah potentials have dreams of past Slayers, bippety boppety boo. Andrew works up to Buffy's magical recruitment drive six months ago, which I guess means it's November now. Andrew explains that Giles and "a few key Sunnydale alum" have been tracking down the new Slayers and training them. I'd ask how they mange to get the girls' parents to agree to that, but on the other hand, the Watchers Council seemed to do the same thing without any problem, so it's a longstanding piece of nonsense that I don't have the energy to care about. Wesley guesses that Dana's pre-existing looniness may have made her dreams of Slayerdom seem more real to her. Andrew says, "My hypothesis exactly, Pryce. I see Mr. Giles may have been wrong about you." He makes a note in a tiny notebook. Wesley's reaction shot is great. He looks like he can't decide whether to be angry or amused. Though considering what Wesley was like back when Giles knew him, you can't really blame Giles for some trash-talking. Spicule realizes that Dana was remembering the Chinese Slayer Spicule killed. Angel sneers at Spicule, and Spicule gets fed up. His parting shot is, "You corporates go ahead with your talky-talk. Anybody needs me, I'll be out doing [Angel's] job." "Talky-talk"? I think someone pulled up a page full of baby-talk when they meant to use the random British slang generator.
Angel follows after Spicule, pointing out that he and Spicule are the last people who should go after a Slayer gone nutzoid. Angel says, "In her mind, there probably aren't any good Vam-Pyres...vampires." Heh. Spicule asks if Angel wants him to "go all boo-hoo 'cause she got tortured out of her gourd? Not like we haven't done worse back in the day." Angel grunts, "And that's something I'm still paying for." Spicule replies, "You should let it go, mate. It's startin' to make you look old." It's hard not to think that somebody with a nasty sense of humor wrote that line. And I tip my hat to whoever it was. Andrew watches Spicule leave while sipping from a drink box. Hey, did you catch how the conversation just took a turn for the random there? Angel wasn't saying that Spicule should feel sorry for Dana, but that's what Spicule suddenly started arguing about. Yes, I know, this sets up the last scene. Maybe Spicule can travel through time like Sahjhan (only twice as much!), so he's replying now to a conversation they'll have later on.
Dana roams the streets. Flashback of a man's hands pulling open a grating in a cellar, and taking out a box. Little Dana screams. Adult Dana is rocking autistically at the end of a dock. A man approaches her and asks if she's okay. He keeps asking until she finally turns to look at him. Impending violence!
Back in the conference room, Angel wonders if they should follow Spicule's lead and go Slayer-hunting. Fred asks what they're going to do when they find her. Hey, everyone's got iBooks! Angel points to a map with Dana-sightings marked on it, and says that "tactical's doing a non-engagement sweep, but they'll have to cover over at least [sic] sixty blocks." Shouldn't they have bloodhounds? Or hellhounds? Or bloodhounds from hell? I do respect the fact that they aren't whizzing past this problem by using a locator spell. Thank you. Cary suggests that they should "start at the source," and reminds everyone that Dana was abducted from her home. He doesn't exactly say that looking into her past might help them figure out where Dana's going, but I think that's the idea. Angel says that Dana was kidnapped over fifteen years ago, but Cary insists that houses have long memories. Angel sighs and agrees, adding, "Get Andrew in on this, see if he knows...anything." Fred says that Andrew's gone.
Spicule strolls along, pauses, and says, "We could play cat and mouse all night --" Then he reaches into a doorway or alley or something and yanks Andrew out, concluding, "Or I could wedgie you unconscious and be done with it." Yow. Spicule tells Andrew to go home where he'll be safe, but Andrew flourishes the many weapons lining his jacket. Knowing Andrew, they're probably just old props from some ill-conceived SF show he liked. Andrew argues that he's been training with Giles, and is now "82% more manly." Andrew immediately trips over the body of the dockworker, and screams like a girl. Do I need an ironic juxtaposition alarm now?
A real estate agent is showing a tidy suburban house to Angel, Cary, and a technomage. Or maybe it's just a bald psychic guy named Vernon. "Vernon" is not a good name for a psychic. The agent finishes describing the house's features, and Vernon notes, "The walls scream with the blood of the innocent." The agent cheerily says she'll wait in the car. I don't know. I kind of wish they'd had the house inhabited, and then they'd have to have some wacky hijinks to get inside, which would have filled the time better than Andrew's prattling. Angel watches while Vernon strolls through the house, and Cary namedrops. Vernon goes into,er, vision-vision, as he describes how the psycho "needed them to suffer." We see flashes of a crib with bloodstained sheets, as the psycho searches the house. Young Dana hides under her bed, but the psycho pulls up the mattress and she screams. Angel asks where the psycho took her. Vernon says, "Dark. The floor is cold." Johanna says, "It's a basment." Vernon continues, "The air is thick with dust, and the smell --" Johanna says, "It smells like fabric softener! Just like my basement!" Vernon: "Sickly sweet like..." Johanna insists, "Fabric softener!" "Molasses," Vernon finishes. Oh. He says, "A basement, that's where her pain lives." The captions add, "And it's still calling her." Well, thanks, Vernon, now they just have to find a basement. Very helpful.
Dana enters (surprise!) a basement. No fabric softener is in evidence, but there is a pile of chains looped around some pipes. She sees the grating and pulls it open. Inside are the tools o' torture, and a small box. More flashback-verts. Dana opens the box, which is full of syringes and bottles.
In a flashback, young Dana looks up as her torturer says, "Let's try the blue one this time." Pan up to reveal Spicule, or maybe Spike, holding a syringe.
Commercials. Hey, this is another one of those neverending nights, isn't it? By the time Angel left the hospital, it was dark. Then they called Giles, and Giles sent Andrew, and Andrew arrived at Wolfram & Hart. From England. That's a twelve-hour flight by itself, right? Okay, that's clearly insane, so I guess the Coven from Devon sent Andrew magically. Or, what the hell, Andrew invented a teleporter.
After the ads, we're back to the Spicule and Andrew road show. Andrew expositions about the whereabouts of the Scooby gang, because I'm sure Spicule really cares. I don't care either, so briefly: Andrew's hanging out with Giles, Xander's in Africa, Willow and Kennedy are in Brazil. Spicule sniffs the air, and Andrew asks what blood smells like. Spicule says it's like a penny, and am I meant to believe that Andrew's never had a paper cut and sucked the blood from his finger? Apparently not, because Andrew spies a penny by his feet and pops it into his mouth. Spicule finally asks after Buffy, and Andrew says she's in Rome, where Dawn's going to school. Oh, that's just great. Like the United States doesn't have enough trouble with international diplomacy. Andrew suddenly realizes that Buffy doesn't know Spicule's alive: "We would have had a conference call." Andrew asks why Spicule hasn't contacted her, and Spicule mimes picking up a phone and saying, "I didn't burn up like you thought. How are things?" He can keep saying that all he likes, it's still never going to make any sense. I think it's just that, once he got away from the Hellmouth's influence, he realized he didn't like Buffy very much. Andrew offers to tell Buffy, but Spicule vetoes that. Andrew natters that Spicule is "a troubled hero, a creature of the night, el creatro del noche..." As Spicule begs Andrew to stop, we see Dana watching them from a rooftop.
Back at Wolfram & Hart, Angel tells the MoG that he wants to find the psycho who tortured Dana. Boreanaz is limping a little during the pedeconference. Poor guy. It's my thing about sick and injured people. Leave me alone. Angel tells Cary to find out more about the basement Dana was tortured in. Angel says, "Start crackin' the whip!" Cary hurries off-camera and calls: "Danny! We're gonna need a whip!" Hee.
Andrew is in the middle of telling Spicule some bullshit story when Spicule stops suddenly and says, "It smells different. Stronger." Andrew, sounding delighted, asks, "Like nickels?" Heh. Spicule runs into a garage or a warehouse or something, and sees a lot of blood splashed on one wall. Handprints are visible, too. Which is ooky, especially when Spicule adds, "It's her blood." And then Dana drops out of her hiding place and knocks Andrew down. Dana and Spicule fight. Andrew pulls out a tranq gun and fires, but Dana dodges, and then kicks Andrew in the head before he can reload. She runs away, and Spicule gives chase.
Spicule enters a dark hallway and goes down some stairs. He arrives in the extremely moody basement, where Dana is waiting for him. Spicule says there's no getting away, and adds that he could track her for miles. He knows about her past, right? So he should know that these aren't reassuring things to say. He's a fucking idio -- uh, idiosyncratic strategist. Yeah. Dana mutters, "No escaping." Spicule finally tries for "reassuring" instead of "menacing," and says that he doesn't want to hurt her. Dana replies, "It doesn't hurt if you hold still." She goes on like that, and Spicule observes, "You're a real sack of hammers, aren't you. Don't worry, I used to date a girl who wasn't all there." There wasn't just one, honey. He tries to explain that she's remembering past Slayers, and Dana says, "I have to get home to my son, to my Robin." Spicule says, "Oh,you're talking about Nikki, the Slayer I offed back in -- Yeah, you probably don't want to think about that, pet." Dana calls Spicule "William the Bloody," and Spicule moves closer while insisting, "No, no! That's not gonna lead anywhere good." Hee. Dana repeats "Head and heart," kicks Spicule's legs out from under him, and stabs him in the neck with one of the syringes. Spicule gets up, but quickly stumbles, disoriented. Dana says, "Yellows make you weak. Not weak anymore." She knocks him down and pulls the jacket off him as he mumbles, "All right, now you've made me mad." Dana says, "Don't cry, they can't hear you," and drags Spicule across the floor. I've gotta say, having her quote her torturer is way creepy. Flashback of Spicule carrying young Dana across the basement and chaining her up. Dana fastens the chains around Spicule as she says, "Daddy's gone. He can't hear you." Spicule's barely conscious as Dana retrieves the box of syringes and injects something into Spicule's arm. Dana tells him to count backwards.
Back at Wolfram & Hart, they're still sending out search goons with various high-tech gizmos, focusing on an industrial area. Cary says he hasn't gotten anything new on the basement that smells like molasses. Wesley says, "What about -- I almost said the words 'molasses factory' out loud." Fred suddenly says, "Whisky," and Cary greets that idea enthusiastically. Fred clarifies,"When you're cookin' up whisky, it makes the whole room smell like molasses." Fred's family continues to intrigue me. Angel quickly orders the MoG to look for an old distillery. Then Andrew bursts in and announces, "We were attacked. I think she got [Spicule]." We cut away before we get to see Angel shout, "Yippee!"
So, Johanna had a lot to say about the news that Xander's all alone in Africa. Many theories were discussed. Eventually, we decided that he was staying with Giles and Andrew, and that after a few days of Andrew he quite wisely snuck out one morning, leaving behind a note that said "Gone to Africa -- don't try to find me." Which Giles was upset about, since he was planning to do exactly the same thing, but by the time he came downstairs with his own note, Xander was gone.
Spicule wakes up as an unseen Dana says, "Piece by piece..." Spicule mutters, "What'd you do to me?" Dana is visible dimly across the room as she says, "Stay quiet. I'll let you go." She moves closer, and we see that she's holding the bloody saw again. Dana concludes, "Can't touch me anymore." Spicule lifts his arms to reveal bandaged stumps where his hands should be. It's a pretty nice bit of CGI work, actually, but I don't think they should have done that. He should have looked down off-camera and screamed, and let us wonder what exactly she'd done, because what you imagine is always creepier than what you see. And then they could save the actual visual for the end.
Commercials. Here are a couple of reasons why Andrew worked better than any other Scooby crossover would have, unless you totally rewrite the episode. Someone had to go out after Spicule, or teamed up with him, in order to report that he'd been captured or dusted. Would Xander have gone chasing after Spicule? Or Willow, or Faith? And then that same person had to run back to Wolfram & Hart to report that Spicule had been captured or dusted. Again, I don't think Xander would have cared, and anyone else would have kept on trying to find Dana without going back for reinforcements. Andrew's the only one I'd accept doing both of those things.
When we return, there's a nice bit of arstyness as we see someone's legs marching across the basement floor toward a chained victim, just like in the flashbacks, only of course this time it's Dana. She clobbers Spicule and rants, "No more daddy, no more mommy, no more hands. Can't touch me ever again." Doo do-do do, do-do, do-do. Can't touch her. Spicule insists that he never hurt Dana; it was someone else. Flashback of Spicule carrying young Dana. Which suddenly turns into a different guy carrying young Dana. Spicule gasps, "You're getting me confused with another man. Happens all the time. Lots of people think I'm this chap named 'Spike,' for instance...." Spicule goes on insisting that she's jumbling her own memories with those of past Slayers. Dana says something in Chinese again, and then says, "You killed her. You killed them both." Spicule horsely admits, "That, and worse....But I was never here." He did a good job with that line. It could have just sounded callous, but he seems to realize how feeble that defense is as he's saying it. Dana's opinion is: "It doesn't matter!" and clobbers him a few more times. She shouts, "Head and heart. Keep cutting till you see dust!" She waves the saw around and is suddenly yanked back and thrown across the room by Angel. Dana picks herself up as Angel says, "I'm here to help you." Heh. I think that throwing her around might interfere with her impression of you, Angel. Angel quickly explains that Dana's torturer was named Walter Kindell, and that he was killed when he tried to rob a liquor store five years ago. So he let her go after torturing her for a while? Or maybe she escaped somehow. Dana isn't terribly mollified. She clenches her fists and says, "Can't hurt me. Not weak anymore. Strong. Slayer." She rushes at Angel, and they fight for a little while. Finally, Angel manages to grab her and shouts, "Now!" A bunch of tranqs are fired into Dana's torso, and we see Wesley and some goons in the stairway pointing guns at her. Dana collapses. There's a quick shot of Spicule's hands sitting on the workbench as Angel calls for a medical team. Hee, that looked silly.
See, here's where we should have found out exactly what Dana had done: Spicule is carted out on a stretcher as Fred escorts him. Fred's on the phone saying, "Tell the shaman no cadavers! We've got his hands." And then we could have had a shot of Spicule's little stumps for bonus shock-value as they all got into an amulance and whirred away.
Angel and Wesley escort another stretcher, this one carrying Dana. Angel orders guards and chains for Dana as they move her into a van. Andrew interrupts: "I'll take it from here." Angel huhs, and Andrew thanks Angel for his help but says, "She's a Slayer. That means she's ours." Angel looks amusingly unthreatened, and goes on ordering the goons around. Andrew steps in Angel's way and nervously says, "I don't think you heard me, Angel." And then a bunch of Slayers step out of the shadows, clickety-clacking in their many sets of heels. I guess it's a cool moment. I don't really care about the whole girl-power Slayer thing, but I can see how it would be cool if you did. Andrew says, "You think we were going to just let you take her back to your evil stronghold? As they say in Mejico....No. We're not...gonna...let you." He spells it out: "I've got twelve Vam-Pyre Slayers behind me, and not one of them has ever dated you." Heh. Angel insists that he'll clear it with Buffy, but Andrew says, "Where do you think my orders came from? Newsflash: nobody in our camp trusts you anymore. Nobody." Ouch. And: cool. Angel blinks angrily, and also looks a little stunned. Andrew adds, "You work for Wolfram & Hart. Don't fool yourself. We're not on the same side." He thanks Angel cheerily, and the Slayers move Dana's stretcher toward a van. Angel folds his arms defensively, and Wesley asks, "You're just gonna let him take her?" Earth to Wesley: What's wrong with you? You were right there for that whole conversation! Angel unconvincingly says that the Scoobies can handle Dana, adding, "You heard the man: we've got enough problems of our own to worry about."
That scene is the other reason why Andrew worked better than anyone else. I don't think Angel would have argued with Giles at all. And the other Scoobies would have been nicer. And, quite possibly, Giles sent Andrew instead of someone who knew Angel for that very reason. Except Xander, but seriously, Johanna and I talked through the "what if it had been Xander" scenario for this scene, and it goes something like this:
Xander: She's coming with us.
Angel: Still letting girls protect you?
Xander: Oh, I've got a stake with your name on it. I bought a wood-burning kit and everything.
Angel: Uh huh. I'll tell you what: you and me, one on one, winner gets Dana.
Or, quite possibly, "Okay, you can have Dana if I can just punch you a few times first." Because I think Angel would be willing to take on a bunch of Slayers just for the opportunity to beat up Xander. And I'd enjoy watching it, honestly. Nothing against Xander, but, I don't know, Angel would enjoy it so much, and he never gets to have any fun.
Spicule sits in a hospital bed, his hands reattached and his arms bandaged up. Angel looms in the doorway, and Spicule says, "I'd give you the finger, but apparently I won't have the motor skills till the drugs wear off." Angel asks if Spicule's in a lot of pain, and Spicule sniffs that it isn't as much pain as Angel would like. Then he sighs, "The lass thought I'd killed her family. And I'm supposed to, what,complain, 'cause hers wasn't one of the hundreds of families I did kill?" He adds, "I'm not saying you're right, 'cause, uh, I'm physically incapable of saying that." Heh. Spicule admits that he didn't think about the nature of evil even when he was evil: "I liked the rush, I liked the crunch. I never did look back at the victims." Angel says some stuff that I like, except for this terrible, terrible line: "I was only in it for the evil." Ugh. Here, I'm going to rewrite his speech a tiny bit, because that's so awful. So what Angel means to say is: "I was only in it for the art. It was everything to me, the destruction of a human being. Guess I would have considered Dana a masterpiece." Angel mentions that "Andrew and the Slayers" took Dana because they didn't trust him. Johanna instantly declares that "Andrew and the Slayers" would be an awesome band: "They rescue Slayers, and they rock!" I add that Andrew actually just plays tambourine. Where were we? Oh, Spicule is startled to hear that Andrew double-crossed Angel, and then notes: "That's a good move." He adds that the "tingling in [his] forearms" tells him Dana's too far gone to help. Instead of evil hands, he got insightful forearms. Spicule says that Dana is one of them now: "She's a monster." Angel says she's an innocent victim. Spicule says, "So were we, once upon a time." Angel very, very quietly repeats, "Once upon a time."