We begin by panning down over a cross and candles. Some of the candles are knocked down when, off-screen, Angel breaks down yet another door. He, Gunn, and Wesley enter the church, or whatever it is. Hey, Angel's wearing the hoodie again! Which I still find disconcerting, but it's preferable to the untucked shirts, so yay. Oh, and there's Fred, looking at a gadget and nattering in that way of hers until she finally bothers to look up and sees the pile o' nuns arranged in a ritual fashion on the floor. Fred gasps, "Oh, God," and Wesley replies, "I think God is out at the moment," and I wonder if they're trying to make me like Wesley. Gunn expositions that they're chasing a client named Greenway who was charged with racketeering. Angel shares his new plan: "I find Greenway and I kill every inch of him." I guess he's particularly angry because Greenway is copying his nun-slaying shtick. Wesley says that the holy carnage was part of a spell, and that Greenway has hopped into another dimension to hide. Fred starts to explain that she can't track beings into other dimensions, and Angel gets fed up. He snaps, "I can't do this anymore." Gunn asks what he means. They keep telling us how smart Gunn is, and yet he can't understand a simple declarative sentence. Angel grumps, "I quit," and leaves.
Pan up to a satellite cityscape, and across Los Angeles, and into a hospital ward. Tattoo-vert of Angel getting impaled. We zip into a room, and Cordy suddenly gasps and opens her eyes.
Credits. A few days before this episode aired, I was having lunch with Johanna, and all of a sudden she asked, "Is Cordelia gonna die?" I was so startled that my reaction was to practically shout, "Nooooo! Why would you think that?" and the only way it could have been less convincing is if I'd gone on to say, "I mean, maybe, because I sure wouldn't tell you if she was going to die, which she totally isn't, not at all! ...Um, Cordelia who?" Man. It was rather embarrassing. So of course Johanna knew I was lying, and I knew she knew I was lying, but I think it was her own fault for asking out of the blue like that. Or for asking at all, honestly, but if she'd led up to it, I could have handled it a little more smoothly. I think.
It's the day, and Angel's telling the rest of the MoG that he's had enough of Wolfram & Hart. Which confuses me, because Angel's the only one who can't leave, right? I mean, there have to be consequences for Connor if Angel quits. Or am I giving Wolfram & Hart too much credit? Gunn pretty much asks my question for me, because we're kindred spirits: "You think the Senior Partners are just gonna let us breeze on out the door?" Angel asks if Gunn's worried about the consequences, and snarks, "Or is it that you just don't wanna leave?" Gunn admits that he doesn't, and insists that they're doing the right thing by working there. A phone call interrupts the argument. Angel answers, and his reaction to the call attracts the MoGs' attention. Angel says, "Cordelia."
“ Speaking of 'popping out,' Cordy has changed her clothes and is wearing a very cute top, but I guess she's still weak from the coma because she didn't have the energy to finish buttoning it. ”
Blipvert to Angel and Wesley entering a hospital room. There's a patient in one bed, slightly hidden behind some curtains. Angel and Wesley start to approach, but then Cordy steps out and pulls the curtain around the bed, noting, "That girl's in rough shape. You'd think they'd give Miss One-Foot-In-The-Grave a private room." She's all grins and curly hair and bouncy-ness. Angel steps forward and hugs her. For a while. Aww! Angel finally moves out of the way, grinning, so that Wesley can have a turn at hugging. Wesley notes that Cordy looks "really hot," and Cordy explains her prettiness by saying, "Mystical comas! If you can stand the horror of a higher power hijacking your mind and body so that it can give birth to itself, [I] really recommend 'em!" Angel is surprised to hear that Cordy remembers last year's events. Cordy does, and adds, "Maternal instincts aside, I hope you kicked its ass for me." Angel darts a curious look at Wesley, who looks puzzled. Hm. My guess is that Wesley doesn't remember exactly how Jasmine was defeated, since Connor's the one who killed her. Cordy picks up on the awkward silence and asks if everyone's okay. Wesley and Angel repeatedly insist that everything is "super," and basically make my "Cordy? Die? Wha?" look like skillful prevarication. Cordy asks if they brought her any clothes, and since they haven't, Wesley quickly suggests a shopping trip. Cordy squeals and claps her hands, and Angel grins goofily and tries to clap along, except she's already stopped, and that is damn funny. Then Cordy bounces up and down a little in excitement, and Angel tries again to join in, a second too late. I realize that it's something you had to see, and that it's not very entertaining for me to say "Wow, that's so funny," but, wow, that's so funny. Cordy adds that shopping would be nice, since she doesn't want to go straight back to the Hyperion. Angel and Wesley trade a look as Angel chirps, "Not a problem!"
Angel, Wesley, and Cordy step out of the elevator at Wolfram & Hart. Actually, Cordy doesn't, until the guys reassure her that it's safe. She nervously looks around the lobby while Angel cues up the irony by saying, "It's just an office. Going about its day. Nothing scary popping out at you." Speaking of "popping out," Cordy has changed her clothes and is wearing a very cute top, but I guess she's still weak from the coma because she didn't have the energy to finish buttoning it. Cordy turns, and suddenly there's Archduke Sebassis's carafiend goggling at her. Or, quite possibly, her breasts. Cordy eeyaahs, and then another demon leads the carafiend away. A suit is escorting the demon and saying, "Found that scamp hiding in one of the copiers, y'know? Living on nothing but toner fluid. Can you beat that? The slave, I mean." Hee.
“ I just noticed that Angel tucked his shirt in! It'd be funny if that was Cordelia's whole reason for returning: 'The Powers That Be sent me to tell you that you need to tuck in your shirt. It's ruining the line of your suits. Okay, that's it, gotta go!' ”
In Angel's office, Cordy reunites with the rest of the MoG. Hugs abound. Cordy is astonished by Gunn's hair, and has almost nothing to say to Fred, which suits me fine. Eventually, Cordy asks, "So, where's Connor?" It's Gunn's turn to say, "Who?" and then Cordy gets as far as "Angel, where's your s--" before she's interrupted by a squealing Harmony. And I do mean "squealing." Angel cringes entertainingly at the noise. I just noticed that he tucked his shirt in! And it looks fine, see? It'd be funny if that was Cordelia's whole reason for returning: "The Powers That Be sent me to tell you that you need to tuck in your shirt. It's ruining the line of your suits. Okay, that's it, gotta go!" Harmony rushes over and hugs a terrified Cordelia, who points out, "The last time I saw you, you tried to kill me!" Angel nervously explains that Harmony is his secretary, and then suggests that it's time for everyone to get back to work. Which seems a little weird, like, can't they all have more than ten minutes to catch up? But then I decide that the MoG are being discreet because they figure Angel wants to be alone with Cordy. As they parade out, Cary tells Cordy that he's there for her when she wants to try acting again: "I'll have you lunching with Colin Farrell like [fingersnap] that." At least the status of Cary's namedropping is improving.
With the others gone, Angel shuts the door and tries to reassure Cordy by bragging about the company's resources, claiming that there's nobody they can't save. Cordy grumbles, "Except maybe yourself," and tells him that she woke up because she had a vision that he was in trouble. She says she saw mysterious markings on walls and skin, and says, "A tattoo, and there's a woman behind you." After the predictable comedy stylings, Angel turns around to find Eve exiting the elevator. Angel threatens Eve, Eve sucks the life out of everything around her; it's pretty much business as usual. Eve says that the Senior Partners are upset because they're out $10 million in bail on the guy who escaped in the teaser. Man, if Angel did a Midnight Run story sometime, I would be all over that. Seriously. C'mon, please? Eve asks Angel who Cordelia is, and Cordy introduces herself. Looking a bit startled, Eve starts to reply, "My name is --" but Cordy sniffs, "I didn't ask," and moves away. Angel grunts that he told Security to keep Eve out of the building, and Eve works her way around to a single entendre about their sexcapades, leading Cordy to observe, "And I thought Darla was rock bottom." Angel tries to explain about Cary's power of suggestion, but gives it up as a bad job, and then Eve walks out of the office while Angel unconvincingly threatens her some more.
Angel follows Eve into the lobby and tells Harmony to have Security keep an eye on Eve. Behind Angel, Cordy frets about the Wolfram & Hart and tells Angel, "You've made a deal with the devil." Angel chuckles that she's being dramatic. And predictably, a horned, red demon with a pointed tail suddenly walks up, shakes Angel's hand, and confirms that they're playing racquetball on Thursday. Well, it really was predictable, but it was funny, too. Cordy snorts and marches back into the office. Angel shrugs, "What did I do?" which might be overplaying things.
“ Cut to Spicule, who loses another game of Donkey Kong and flips out, throwing the controller at the TV. Well, that's the first time Spicule's ever reminded me of my dad. Spicule gets up and starts violently shaking the TV. And that's the second time. ”
And now would be time for the midirection-based comedy, except the joke is revealed before the misdirection. Is that misfired misdirection-based comedy? See, we see Spicule in a close-up, although we can see he's sitting on a couch. And we hear the beeps of a videogame before Spicule even starts in with the "I'm gonna make you pay." It seems like the close-up should have been closer, so we wouldn't know he was sitting around at home, and the threatening of the unseen foe should have come before the videogame sounds. On the other hand, maybe they decided it wasn't really that good a joke. Anyway, Spicule continues: "Feel my wrath, gorilla-throwing-barrels." From the sound effects, we can safely assume that he promptly dies. Hee. Then Spicule begins telling someone he or she should knock first, and we pan over to discover that Lindsey has dropped in. Lindsey asks, "Is that any way to talk to your -- " "Best friend! New best friend!" I chant, but the end of the line is actually "benefactor." Sigh. Lindsey sits down to Spicule, and I wonder if this is the start of the montage Johanna wanted. But no, Lindsey just wants to know why Spicule hasn't been out vigilante-ing. Spicule grumbles, "I got my bloody hands hacked off by that deranged Slayer you sent me after." So Lindsey did send Spicule after Dana? How did he know about her? And why did he care? Spicule explains that playing videogames is his version of rehab for his reattached hands, adding, "You have no idea how rotten this feels." He starts to get a beer, which is another valid way to exercise your wrists. Lindsey chuckles that, actually, he lost his own hand once, and claims that he can feel Spicule's pain. "Well, half of it, anyway," Spicule observes. I don't know how Lindsey resisted the urge to say "To lose one hand may be regarded as misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness." Instead, Lindsey goes on about helping the helpless, and Spicule interrupts that he's ready to go out if Lindsey has another vision. Then Lindsey's cell phone rings, and he answers it to hear Eve saying they have a problem. She says that Cordy is awake, and had a vision of Lindsey's tattoos. Cut to Spicule, who loses another game of Donkey Kong and flips out, throwing the controller at the TV. Well, that's the first time Spicule's ever reminded me of my dad. Spicule gets up and starts violently shaking the TV. And that's the second time. All of this would have been funnier if had taken place entirely in the background, without Lindsey's reacting. We really could have followed it without the close-up. Instead, we finally cut back to Lindsey, who tells Eve, "Guess this calls for a change of plans."
Commercials. Johanna asks if Cordy is going to leave at the end of the episode and then die in a helicopter crash. "They do have a helicopter," she points out.
“ Cordelia trots out from the kitchen with a martini for Angel, and says that the casserole will be ready in ten minutes and the Mendelsohns are coming over for bridge the day and every so often I like to just keep typing until I trail off into nothingness as a Zen exercise. Really, I know that I'm going to turn into a sap soon and I'm trying to delay things. ”
Angel arrives home from the office, and Cordelia trots out from the kitchen with a martini for him, and says that the casserole will be ready in ten minutes and the Mendelsohns are coming over for bridge the day and every so often I like to just keep typing until I trail off into nothingness as a Zen exercise. Well, really, I know that I'm going to turn into a sap soon and I'm trying to delay things. Angel walks into his bedroom and finds Cordy watching Doyle's commercial for Angel Investigations. This is not the part that makes me into a sap, by the way. As Doyle gets to "So don't lose hope," Cordy sees Angel lurking in the doorway and stops the tape. She apologizes for snooping, and explains that she found the tape. Angel brushes it off uncomfortably, and then sits down with his back to Cordy and confesses that he hasn't watched the tape in a long time. Cordy wistfully says, "First soldier down...." She says that she was angry at Doyle at the time, adding, "He knew. Knew what he had to do. He didn't compromise. Used his last breath to make sure you'd keep fighting. I get that now." Angel seems to take the word "compromise" as a dig, and starts to explain that he had reasons for taking the job at Wolfram & Hart. Cordy jumps up and insists that Angel's been seduced by money and cars and a spectacular view that she is briefly distracted by. She starts waggling her finger as she says there's no possible excuse for all this, but Angel interrupts: "Connor." He explains that the MoG don't remember Connor because the Senior Partners altered reality to give Connor a decent life. Cordy looks gobsmacked as Angel says that nobody remembers Connor except him, and Cordy, "and Eve, for some reason." Cordy snaps that Angel let Wolfram & Hart "rape the memories of [his] friends." Angel sighs, "He was gonna kill you. And himself. He was so torn up." He says that Connor is happy now, and goes back to insisting unconvincingly that they're all having a fine time at Wolfram & Hart. Cordy snaps that she doesn't buy that, and neither do TPTB: "They know you slipped the track, and they want me to help put you back on it." Angel grumbles that the Powers don't care about him, and whines that Spicule is their champion now. Cordy double-takes. We're also getting a lot of the actors talking directly into the camera. I want to see both Angel and Cordy in the same shot. I want to see one person saying his lines, and the other person reacting to those lines, without jumping back and forth. I'll try to get over it, but Jesus, it's frustrating. Angel explains that Spicule got a soul and saved the world. Cordy boggles, "What frickin' Bizarro World did I wake up in?"
The sap starts here. Angel sits down heavily and moans, "I'm sorry," while Cordy rails, "I naturally assumed [that] you'd be lost without me, but this?" Angel looks at her and calmly says, "I am lost without you." Oh. Oh, poor sad Angel. Cordy more kindly says, "You just forgot who you are," and Angel sounds even more desperate when he says, "Remind me." This scene is why all this week I've been calling Johanna and starting conversations off with "Poor sad Angel." I'm not going to be able to give up complaining about the direction, but as far as the writing goes, this is so smart. Putting something that emotionally naked right after Cordy's joke makes it so affecting, because you don't expect it. And, okay, the "lost without you" is a cheesy line when you read it, but he says with such a matter-of-fact tone that it works really well. Everything that was ridiculous about the tearful sniveling on Buffy is absent; Angel's just sad. Oh. Poor sad Angel. And poor, poor sappy me.
Cordy says she can't tell Angel who he is, and then, oddly, calls him "Bubba." Maybe she can't tell him who he is because she forgot his name? She offers to tell him who he was, though: "A guy who always fought his hardest for what was right, even when he couldn't remember why, even when he was miserable, which was, let's face it, a not-small-portion of the time." She says that Angel had "a light, a glimmer," and my sap is quickly settling back down to its normal level with stuff like that, which is probably for the best. Cordy concludes, "That's the guy I fell in l-- the, um, the guy I knew." Angel stares at her so mournfully and, oh, lord, stop it, or I'm going to have to start writing for Television With Heaps of Pity, and that'll be embarrassing for everyone. Cordy sits down and says that if she sees the guy she used to know around, she might believe him. Angel sits back and looks away as he sighs, "Let me know if you do." Oh. This scene is turning me into a schizophrenic. And it's Boreanaz, and he's really doing a good job this week and I feel sorry for him and I don't understand anything anymore. Help me. Cordy awkwardly tries to ask if Angel ever wonders what would have happened if they had met up at Point Dume as planned. "All the time," Angel says. Cordy guesses that they missed their moment, and Angel hoarsely says, "Maybe we were meant to. Maybe people like us just don't get to...have that." Cordy ambiguously whispers, "There are no people like us."
Cut to Lindsey's apartment so that I have a chance to recover. Actually, we're on the balcony outside Lindsey's apartment. Which is very similar to the balcony outside Angel's room at the Hyperion, and is that intentional? Because if Lindsey moved into the Hyperion, that's really funny and clever. If it's just that they're reusing bits of the old set, that's fine, but less entertaining. Either way, Lindsey and Eve are indulging in a bit of post-coital moon bathing or something equally disturbing to contemplate. Eve asks if Lindsey's worried, and Lindsey says that Cordelia's revival means that TPTB are "getting nervous, taking an interest." He says he's fine with the "higher stakes" and Eve says, "You know, the house always wins." We're clear that, if you don't like cutesy meta-references, you're talking to the wrong recapper, right? Lindsey may be explaining his motives when he says, "The Senior Partners gave that Eurotrash vampire everything I've worked for. I couldn't let that slide." Angel is Eurotrash? Wuh? And since Lindsey gave up working for Wolfram & Hart, it seems like...well, I'm going to assume that he's lying to Eve because she wouldn't support his actual motive, because I don't understand this at all. Eve says, "It all comes back to Angel, doesn't it? He's still the center of your universe." "Still"? I mean, yes it is "still," but how long has she known Lindsey? Lindsey lies, "No, baby, you are." He kisses her, and while Lindsey's pretty good at oozing sex, his powers are nothing to the anti-chemistry that is Eve, and the whole thing ends up being creepy and vaguely pedophilic.
“ It's probably hard to remember your lines when Cordy's cleavage is right in front of you, and maybe the close-ups are just to disguise the actors' wandering eyes. I'm not blaming them, because my own eyes were wandering a lot. Where were we? ”
Dayvert. Wesley and Cordy are having a research party in Wesley's office. Cordy, wearing a different barely-buttoned blouse, expositions that it was her suggestion that the two of them crack the books together instead of letting Wesley's ill-defined department handle the research. She adds, "That was dumb. What'd you ever listen to me for?" Wesley says he missed researching things with Cordelia. He dorks out, grinning as he says, "You and me and the books, kicking it old-school, as they say. ...And I never will again." Oh, that was just disturbing. It was Wesley doing an Alexis Denisof impression! And I just realized that Wesley's smiling is now as rare an event as Angel's smiling. Maybe when he was doing an Angel impression, he got stuck like that. That explains a lot of Season 3, actually. Huh. Cordy uncomfortably says that nobody's talking about what happened to her last year. Wesley sits down, because it's probably hard to remember your lines when Cordy's cleavage is right in front of you, and maybe the close-ups are just to disguise the actors' wandering eyes. I'm not blaming them, because my own eyes were wandering a lot. Where were we? Wesley goes back to his customary rasping whisper as he replies, "What's to say? We all understand [that] it wasn't you." Cordy rather plaintively asks, "Do you?" Wesley tells Cordy that she didn't kill Lilah, and Cordy says she knows that, but she apologizes anyway. She sits down on the edge of the desk, adding, "I just wanted to tell you before I --" and then is conveniently distracted by one of the books on the desk. And then I am conveniently distracted because she's pretty much modeling her black demi-cup bra that shot. Wow. They're very nice. But good lord. Regardless of my complaints, I suspect that a large percentage of the audience may have just decided that David Fury is the Best Director Ever, and I can see why. Boy, can I. Um. Right. Cordy spots the tattoos from her vision in one of the books. Wesley identifies the symbols as "protection runes" for a concealment spell. He reads through the book and determines that the tattoos would hide someone from magical snoops, and nowadays would also work against surveillance technology.
Cut to Lindsey, walking along a corridor at Wolfram & Hart. He's wearing coveralls and uses a security card to get into a maintenance room. Oh, he's disguised as a handyman! Ha! Sorry. Inside, he heads down some mood-lit stairs, and enters a room covered with pretty green lasers. He's hosting a rave in the basement of Wolfram & Hart? Okay, so they're supposed to be part of some overly goofy security system, fine. Lindsey eyes the lasers for a minute, and then calmly strides through them with no problem. He pauses to wave at a security camera. Lindsey, don't taunt the technology. He smirks and walks on.
Cut to a tech-demon doing something with an electronic gizmo. Well, the actor's face has the demon makeup, but his hands are perfectly normal. Which I wouldn't have noticed if we hadn't started with a close-up on his hands. Grr. Anyway, the freakish human-handed demon is jolted, and coughs up a little blood before collapsing. Lindsey takes a knife and pries a gem out of the demon's throat.
“ The mention of tattoos catches Cordy's attention, and Angel asks what this guy's name is. Thank goodness. I thought we were going to go another scene or two with Spicule referring to 'my landlord' and 'the pirate' and 'my new best friend' and so on. ”
Cordy strolls through the hallways upstairs, grumbling, "This is like a rat maze...complete with rats," as her cleavage attracts some attention from a suit. Cordy stops and does an arm-flap of being lost, and turns back. Then she sees Spicule walking toward her from the other end of the hallway. Cordy smirks, "Heard you weren't evil anymore, which kinda makes the hair silly." Spicule vamps out, and Cordy squeals as he shoves her against a wall and bites her.
Commercials. Johanna says, "Cordy makes everyone else better." But she said the same thing about Giles when he came back. Later, we decide that it may be the same effect that Faith had on people, and that it's not anything in particular about the actors; it's just that the regular cast might find a comparatively new face invigorating. Like,"Oh! Cool! I'm not sick to death of you!" Then Johanna asks if Cordy will die as a result of an ice-cream-related car accident.
When we return, Angel knocks Spicule off Cordelia and starts punching. Spicule kicks Angel somewhere we can't see, but it looks kind of lame, like he kicked Angel's shin. Maybe this is the fight scene Marsters was talking about when he mentioned sucking at a fight in some interview I read. Then Spicule gets Angel in a headlock, growling, "You took me on and lost, remember, old man?" and there are a lot of ridiculous things there in the dialogue and in the silly headlock. The biggest one being that Angel bothers putting up with it for a second before he breaks away through the simple device of just standing up, which flips Spicule to the floor. Angel says that Spicule's dead if he touches Cordy again. Spicule insists that Cordy's evil. Cordy interjects, "I thought he had a soul!" Spicule replies, "I thought she didn't." Cordy says she does have a soul, Spicule says he does too, and Cordy sniffs, "Well, clearly mine's better." Heh. Angel threatens Spicule some more, and finally Spicule starts to explain that it was a "taste test," because his source said that Cordy was evil. He confesses that Cordelia didn't taste evil: "Demons are more astringent." Angel asks about Spicule's source. Spicule says that there's this guy who gets visions, and claimed that Cordy was possessed by a demon. Cordy says that's last year's news, and Spicule sighs, "Looks like tattoo-boy was wrong this time." The mention of tattoos catches Cordy's attention, and Angel asks what this guy's name is. Thank goodness. I thought we were going to go another scene or two with Spicule referring to "my landlord" and "the pirate" and "my new best friend" and so on. Spicule says that his name is Doyle. Angel and Cordy stare.
Hey, this isn't a close-up! While Spicule spills the beans in the background, Eve is at the other end of the hall, on her cell phone. She tells Lindsey that Spicule didn't kill Cordy, and ducks behind a wall so that we don't have any pesky action in the background to distract us from her face as it fills the screen. Lindsey says, "It was a long shot, but don't worry, I've got an even dumber plan!" and tells Eve to get out of the building. Eve hangs up, and then sees Angel and Cordy standing in front of her. They'd like to talk, but Eve says this isn't a good time. Cordy grabs Eve by the ear and says, "Let's go, Lilah Jr."
“ Eve says she doesn't know what it is, exactly, but that 'it's huge, and alive, and specifically designed to destroy [Angel].' Hm. Buffy isn't huge, and Spicule isn't alive. Ooo, Mecha- Xander! ”
Eve is plopped into a chair in Angel's office, where the MoG have gathered. Angel starts explaining that someone calling himself Doyle started giving Spicule missions. He adds that the faux Doyle told Spicule to rescue Angel from the Eve's demon. Which, apparently, is what led them to suspect that Eve was involved, even though it should lead them to think that whoever this person is, he's working against Eve. Right? I don't understand how they "figured out" that Eve was part of this. Eve insists that she has to leave, and Angel snarls, "The thing that really, really pisses me off is that this guy seems to be going by the name of Doyle." Cordy grrs, "I want to know who has the nerve to be using that name!" Angel gets ready to break out the threats, but Harmony interrupts by entering the room and asking if she can have the afternoon off, like everyone else. She explains that the whole building emptied out a few minutes ago.
Downstairs, Lindsey has taken off the coveralls (sadly, he had other clothes underneath), and plugs the demon's jewel into a big machine. Various readouts start lighting up like it's a supervillain's stronghold. Which, I guess, it is.
Gunn says that a "code seven" went out on the company's server, and then everyone left. Eve claims she doesn't know what a code seven is. Cordy sighs, "This is getting us nowhere. Angel, torture her." Angel, somewhat bewildered, says he can't. Although his tone makes it seem like it's more a matter of mood than any aversion to the idea. Like, he'd have to go put on the leather pants, and the office environment is all wrong so they'd have to move to a garage or something. Maybe that's just what I'd like to think. Then Harmony tackles Eve and says, "I am evil, technically. I don't mind torturing her for the team." The MoG trade some "Yeah, sounds good" looks in the background (yay!) that amuse me. Harmony punches Eve twice, and Eve cracks and says that the code seven is part of a failsafe. Having her crack this easily just makes it more inexcusable that the MoG haven't tried to get information out of her until now.
Harmony goes back to punching, but Angel tells her that Eve is talking. Harmony whines, "She is? Already? That sucks." Eve says that the Senior Partners put a failsafe in the building in case they couldn't control Angel. She says she doesn't know what it is, exactly, but that "it's huge, and alive, and specifically designed to destroy [Angel]." Hm. Buffy isn't huge, and Spicule isn't alive. Ooo, Mecha-Xander! Eve says that they'll have to go downstairs to stop it, and Fred asks who started it up. Oh, I hate this bit. With a crisis brewing that they need to go stop right now, the MoG pause because first, they have to figure out exactly who the Doyle impersonator is, because he's down there, and they don't want to just go the hell downstairs and find out who he is that way, oh no! They need to figure it out first, because I guess they want to bring some monogrammed towels for him, and so it's very important that they know his name. So yeah, they figure that the person who released the failsafe must be the person with the magic tattoos, and Angel asks Spicule if he knows anything else about the guy. Spicule says, "Average size, dressed like an urban cowboy, got his hand chopped off once." I love that Spicule thinks Lindsey is "average size." Hee. So the hand-hacking is the vital clue, and Wesley menaces, "He's back." I also hate this, because it would have been so much more fun to have Angel go downstairs and then see Lindsey and have a double-take or five. Now I won't get that. Poop. Angel tells Gunn to lock down the building, and Wesley says he may be able to take care of Lindsey's magic tattoos. Angel tells Harmony, "Guard Eve. If she moves, eat her." Harmony perks up at that order. Fred says that Angel can't go downstairs alone. Angel replies, "If the failsafe's meant for me, I'm not gonna risk anyone I care about." Spicule says, "I'll go," and Angel says, "Okay." Hee. Cordy grabs a katana from the wall and insists that she's going along as well. Angel starts to protest, but Cordy unsheathes the katana as she says, "You can order me around all you want, but I know my rights. And I want to see a lawyer."
Angel, Spicule, and Cordy enter the laser fun room. They can't shut the security off, even though Angel runs the place, because...oh, I don't know. Anyway, Angel steps into the lasers, which causes alarms and red lights and zombies. Six zombies. This is their security system? Sometimes I think Wolfram & Hart just isn't trying. They all fight for a minute, and then Spicule says he'll hold off the zombies, so Cordy and Angel move on.
Lindsey is greeted by Angel. Lindsey asks, "Is this the part where I get all weak in the knees, promise I'll never do it again?" Angel says that Lindsey had a chance for redemption, and sniffs, "I guess some people just never change." Angel tries to punch Lindsey, but Lindsey throws him across the room with his groovy yet inexplicable new superpowers and says, "I did."
Commercials. I complain to Johanna about how silly it was to have Angel find out that it was Lindsey before seeing him. Johanna says that she was hoping Lindsey would greet Angel by saying, "Angel. At last we meet." Which reminds me: I have finally embraced 'shipperdom by deciding that Harmony would be a great date for any of the MoG. Though Wesley and Harmony is my favorite pairing. It practically writes itself! Johanna asks if Cordy will turn into a piece of possessed bedroom furniture.
Cordy throws the katana to Angel. Lindsey pulls out his tiny little knife and says, "It's not the size that matters, big guy," as his knife magically extends itself into a great big sword. He concludes, "It's how you use it." Cordy rushes over to the demonic control board while Angel and Lindsey continue their face-off. Johanna's favorite thing about this scene is that you can hear Cordy's heels going clackety-clack across the metal floor of the room. Angel tells Lindsey, "You never should have come back." Lindsey replies, "I missed you." And then there's fighting. By which I mean sex. Oh wait, that's the subtext; I do actually mean fighting. Cordy fiddles with the controls. Sword-fighting. And punching, and flipping. And quipping. I'm kinda bored. Lindsey and Angel wind up on a raised platform, which starts to rise up even higher prior to release the fearsome Angel-killing-monster. We see claws waving about under the platform, and I start to wonder if it's a robeast. Oh, Prince Lothar.
Upstairs, Wesley is reading the ingredients list for a magical tattoo-undoing spell. Gunn claims he'd like to be down in the fighting. I wish I believed him. Wesley says he needs the ingredients of "an unclean -- a demon." Everyone stares at Cary. Cary moans, "Why don't they ever need the urine of an unclean? I've got plenty of unclean urine." Gunn pulls out a great big knife. Cary adds, "I think I'm making some right now." Pee jokes are funny, I don't care what you say.
Lindsey and Angel duel and fight and taunt and Lindsey's shirt just falls open somehow, although I suspect Cordy gave him the idea. Angel asks if the tattoos covering Lindsey's chest hurt. Lindsey expositions, "Worse than when you cut off my hand," and it's back to the duelling. Now in slo-mo! Fight, fight. Lindsey plunges his sword through Angel's chest. Then Lindsey takes his shirt off and throws it at Angel, so as to taunt him more provocatively. Lindsey says, "From champion to pathetic corporate puppet in just a few months." He asks how the sword feels, and Angel finally grunts, "Could be worse. If it had been made out of wood, ya dumb-ass," and then yanks the sword out, and they fight some more. This really didn't need to go on so long. Cordelia keeps randomly hitting buttons until the gadget holding the jewel reopens. She retrieves the jewel, and the machinery shuts down. Lindsey shouts, "Noooo!" and if he...oh, I don't care. The plot is stupid. The moments, I like. But the story is idiotic. The music gets extraordinarily epic as Angel tells Lindsey, "It doesn't matter what you try. It doesn't matter where I am, or how bad-ass you think you've become, because you know what? I'm Angel." He throws Lindsey across the room, and if we'd just stopped there I could deal, but then the music soars as Angel adds, "I beat the bad guys," and my soul hurts. Lindsey asks if Angel's ready to kill him. Angel says he doesn't have to, and Cordelia says, "Sweetie, your epidermis is showing," which is another bad line. Especially since it's only after their quips that Lindsey's tattoos begin to lift up from his skin swirlingly, and vanish.
Cut to Wesley doing an incantation. As Wesley chants in Latin, Fred gives him a look of total, inexplicable lust. Wesley says, "I think I can feel it working." Fred doesn't actually say, "So can I," but she doesn't need to. I wouldn't mind if it wasn't so out of nowhere. She gets moist for Latin? What?
Lindsey's tattoos finish melting, and he says, "Oh, damn." Which is pretty funny. Angel says, "I think the Senior Partners would like a word," and once again, he has psychic powers, because a swirly portal opens above Lindsey. Lindsey glances up and suddenly looks really hot in a way I can't explain as he chuckles, "You don't think they're angry, do ya?" And then he's sucked up into the portal and vanishes.
“ Angel goes on to say that Lindsey's bizarre schemes made him doubt himself, but now he's full of confidence again, which is just about incomprehensible unless you remember that Angel isn't very bright. ”
Eve is escorted to the elevator. Angel has changed his shirt, and tucked it in, and unbuttoned it to coordinate with Cordelia, which is sweet of him. Eve threatens Angel with revenge, Angel threatens Eve with the Senior Partners, and the elevator doors close. Cary suggests getting a drink, and Harmony complains, "I kept begging Eve to run, but...." Gunn suggests that they go to the Cat & Fiddle, and Wesley agrees, and then says to Angel, "Unless, of course, you're busy packing." Because what's changed since Angel got discouraged by working at Wolfram & Hart? Oh, right: nothing at all. I don't understand. And yet, Angel cheerily agrees to join the frivolity, and says he'll go get his coat. The others get into the elevator, and Cordy says that she and Angel will catch up. She adds, "Wesley, you still work the best mojo in town." Well, it is just Los Angeles.
Oh. God. Okay, Angel is putting his jacket on in his office. Cordy asks if he feels good, and Angel says he does, but that he feels bad about it: "All I did was beat up a tiny Texan." Cordy says, "You know how you're always trying to save every single person in the world? Did it ever occur to you that you were one of them?" Angel allows that it didn't. He goes on to say that Lindsey's bizarre schemes made him doubt himself, but now he's full of confidence again, which is just about incomprehensible unless you remember that Angel isn't very bright. He says, "Whatever's coming, I feel like we can beat it." Cordy agrees, "I just needed you to know it, too." She says that Angel will win in the end, and adds, "I just wish I could be there to see it." Oh oh oh. Angel stands up and looks flummoxed as Cordy says that she has to go. He actually looks amusingly bewildered as Cordy tells him to pass on her goodbyes to the MoG. Angel says he needs Cordy, and then Cordy's eyes start to glisten as she begs, "Don't make this hard, Angel." This is one of the scenes where I would really, really like it if I could see both their faces at the same time. Because they're both killing me individually, and if I could see them both together, I could get the pathetic emotional breakdown over and done with that much sooner. Cordy says, "The Powers That Be owed me one, and I didn't waste it. I got my guy back on track." Angel starts to protest, but Cordy strokes his gigantic face and says, "We take what we can get, champ, and we do our best with it." Charisma Carpenter breaks my dried-up walnut of a heart when she backs away and sniffs, "I'll be seeing you." But when she gets to the door, she mutters, "What the hell," and rushes back over to kiss Angel. Aw. I don't really get it, but they had one of the few relationships on either show that I actually bought. The phone rings, and Angel tries to ignore it, but Cordy insists, "That? You have to get." She sniffles as Angel goes to answer the phone, then says, "Oh. And you're welcome!" Her eyes in this whole scene just kill me. Christ.
Angel picks up the phone and says, "I know, she's -- That's impossible, she's standing right --" He turns, but Cordy's gone. Then, for all my bitchery, there's a long shot of Angel standing alone in a big empty space, and letting the phone fall to his chest, and ow. Looking totally lost, he pulls the phone up and says, "I'm sorry, yeah? When did she die? Did she, um...." He looks around, and...damn. I cannot believe I feel this bad because of David Boreanaz. When did this happen? Angel repeats, "She never did wake up?" He hangs up, and stares around the room, and says, as quietly as possible, "Thank you." What makes it even worse is that now Angel's going to have to call the MoG, who are getting all jolly and drunk, and tell them that Cordy's dead. That sucks. On the bright side, if there's any justice, a few weeks from now Cordy's ghost will inexplicably materialize in Italy and start bugging the hell out of Buffy.
When the show is over I call Johanna, who mocks me for being such a bad liar, and then the promo for week comes up, and I start shouting, "Oh! Oh! Look!" because I know some of the spoilers. Hearing "America and the Nazis at war" in the promo does attract attention, I'll grant, because: fuck you, rest of the world. And then there's a shot of Spike with dark hair in some kind of Gestapo outfit, and I'll get back to you when Johanna stops screaming "What the hell is going on?" I'm pretty sure someone on the Angel staff lost a bet. Or maybe everyone did.