Just Rewards

Props to Carney and Kalbear.

Previously on Angel, very little happened.

We open with title cards that read: "Sunnydale, California. The Hellmouth. 19 days earlier." And then this is happening again. Are they trying to make Angel seem better by comparison? Because it's working. So, here we go again. Buffy runs up and boggles. I start laughing. She just looks so bewildered, like she's about to say, "Your soul is leaking out everywhere and making a mess. Is it supposed to do that?" Hand-holding, dramatic music, and Buffy runs off. Some light hits Marsters's head at a strange angle, making his nose look absolutely enormous. And then he burns up.

Cut to the Wolfram & Hart offices. We pick up right where we left off last week with...well, who is he this time? I'm sure it isn't Spike, and I heard that Brad left a while back, so I guess this is someone new. Johanna suggested "Spicule." She named Brad, too. But does she get hate mail? Noooo. Spicule gasps and pants while the MoG spend a while telling each other who Spicule is. Wesley says, "He's a vampire. One of the worst recorded, second only to --" "Me," Angel grunts. Spicule spins around and sees Angel behind him. Even though all of the MoG, including Angel, were standing in front of Spicule at the end of last week's episode. Not that it matters. Angel says that Spicule is dead, and Harmony sniffs, "Who here isn't?" Spicule vamps out and leaps at Angel, but passes right through him and lands in the middle of the desk. Angel proceeds to examine his chest like he's thinking, "I'm incorporeal! When did that happen?" Hee. Spicule looks down at the desk he's in the midst of, devamps, then sadly sighs, "Bugger."

Credits. I call Johanna and we talk about how inexplicably funny the clip from Buffy was. She says, "I just thought, 'Oh, there's his soul all shining out.'" It's worth stating again that at least a month before the Buffy finale aired, Johanna totally predicted that his beautiful glowing soul would spill out and save the day and that Sunnydale would be sucked into another dimension, kind of like in that one "Treehouse of Horror," and the only hint I'd given her was that the ending would be the stupidest thing she could imagine. Then I talk about how Spicule should have a metal "S" on his forehead, and then I have to explain about Red Dwarf, because Johanna isn't nearly as geeky as I am, and then she giggles for a while about the name "Rimmer," and then the show starts up again.

Spicule wonders what's happened to him, while Wesley eyes the Amulet of Assitude on the floor. Harmony guesses that he's a ghost, which upsets him. Gunn asks, "Where he'd come from?" and Wesley picks up the amulet. Angel expositions that it's "something [he] gave to Buffy before..." Spicule immediately starts panting like the lapdog he is, and asks where Buffy is. Angel looks a bit shifty as he answers, "Europe. Last I heard from her." Johanna thinks that Angel is irked because Buffy wasn't keeping in better touch. Spicule goes on hyperventilating -- really, why is he doing that? -- and insists that he has to talk to Buffy, telling Angel, "You can't keep her from me!" Angel growls, "Look, she's a cookie that isn't done baking, and I'm not going to let you open the oven door and peek in until she's moist and delicious!" Spicule whines, "You got no idea what we had," and Angel gripes, "You never had her," and I think a better response would have been "I don't want to know!" Spicule says "More than you!" and then Harmony shrieks, "Oh! My! God!" She summarizes Buffy's relationship with Spicule quite nicely by saying "Ugh! That's just -- ugh!" and storming out. The rest of the MoG play expositional catch-up, and Gunn asks if Spicule is "a good vampire, like Angel." Angel insists that they're not at all alike, and Spicule agrees, before demanding to know what's happened to him.

Cut to the lab. Fred waves a Star Trek gadget over Spicule, who is hugging his chest so that his jacket is wrapped tightly around him. Cary tells Wesley that the story of the Slayer's romances would make a great movie. Too easy. Cary adds, "I see Depp and Bloom." I try to imagine Johnny Depp playing Angel. Then, just for kicks, I try to imagine David Boreanaz as Jack Sparrow. Finally, I try to imagine a monkey playing baseball, and that I can at least picture. Spicule asks Fred if she is "scanner-girl." She is, in the sense that her babbling can make people's heads explode. She explains about the science division, and Wolfram & Hart, and that Angel runs the place, and are we going to have to explain the premise every single week? Yes, Spicule needs to know all this background crap, but that doesn't mean that the scene in which it's explained to him has to happen on-screen! Fred technobabbles for a while and eventually explains that Spicule is kind of like a ghost, except that they can see him. How extremely helpful. Wesley suggests that Spicule's "essence" was held within the Amulet of Assitude, and asks if he felt anything unusual when his soul went all glowy or whatever. Spicule answers, "You mean my skin and muscle burning away from the bone? Organs exploding in my chest? Eyeballs melting in the sockets? No. No memory at all. Thanks for asking." Angel wonders how the amulet got out of the Hellmouth and into his mail. Fred wonders if The Powers That Be sent Spicule to them. It's not a very good gift. It's kind of like a fruitcake. Spicule grumbles about how "saving the sodding world" should be enough and that he deserves to rest. He's still got his coat wrapped tightly around him. Is he cold? Is he wearing an embarrassing T-shirt? I kept wondering about it until I decided it must be a plot point, but it's never mentioned by anyone. As Spicule goes on complaining, he gradually starts fading out. Fred interrupts to point this out, and Spicule looks down at his see-through body and says, "Oh, balls," and then vanishes. Hooray!

Fred waves her props around some more and then asks what Spicule meant about saving the world. Angel looks embarrassed and insists that Buffy did most of the work. Spicule materializes in a different part of the room saying, "What? What?" He doesn't remember where he went, but he's sure that this is all Angel's fault. No, no, it's Whedon's fault. Or maybe The WB's fault, for not trying the Angel/Smallville combo sooner. Spicule complains that this wouldn't have happened to him if Angel had worn the Amulet of Assitude. It also wouldn't have happened if you hadn't volunteered, genius. He says that Angel chickened out and "abandoned the woman [he] claim[s] to love." Spicule, you wanted the past tense there. Angel gets irate at being called a chicken, or else Boreanaz is freaked out by someone even mentioning birds. Angel says it was Buffy's choice, and Spicule goes on babbling: "I don't give a piss about atonement or destiny. Just because I got me a soul doesn't mean I'm going to let myself be led around by --" The MoG interrupt to ask Angel if Spicule has a soul. Angel claims that it didn't seem important. Oh come on, Angel, everyone loves a joke. Spicule finally stops hugging himself as he taunts Angel about not being so special anymore, and Angel stomps out.

While walking down a hallway, Angel does a double-take when he sees a man wearing a wrestling mask pushing a mailcart. Spicule steps through the wall and follows Angel, asking if he's running away. Angel passes Harmony's desk, and she interrupts to mention that he has a meeting at 3 PM. Angel isn't in the mood, and Spicule goes on talking and talking about how Angel has all these perks, and for some reason all of his lines were looped, and it's extremely noticeable and extremely distracting. Oh, I get it: this is what Wesley meant about Spicule being "one of the worst recorded." Spicule is still talking about how Angel sold out and made a deal with the devil and oh, my lord. Why couldn't he be corporeal and mute? He finally interrupts himself to say, "Grox'lar beast," and Angel turns to see a demonic Minotaur step off the elevator. Angel steps forward and punches it a few times, and then he gets thrown into a wall. Aw, it's Satan's little brother! Spicule tries to punch the Grox'lar and, of course, just pushes his fist through the Grox'lar's neck. Angel gets back up, and after a few more punches, he does a nice move where he wraps his arm around the Grox'lar's neck and then runs up the wall and jumps off so that he ends up standing behind the Grox'lar, pulling its head back. And then he snaps its neck. Neat. And I think Boreanaz was doing at least part of that stunt. It's really hard to tell, but there's no part where it definitely isn't him, if you see what I mean. Oh, and then Angel kicks the dead demon into a wall, which seems a bit excessive.

Angel loudly asks how the demon got past Security, and Harmony starts to answer but is interrupted, so that we can all watch the joke slowly approaching. Spicule goes back to complaining that Angel has sold out, and Angel says that he's got a business to run, and finally Harmony says that the Grox'lar was Angel's 3 PM appointment. D'oh. Wait, the Grox'lar is still breathing, so I guess Angel didn't snap its neck. Or snapping its neck doesn't kill it. Angel asks why he's meeting with Grox'lar demons: "They eat babies!" Harmony replies, "Just their heads," and says that Angel was opening negotiations with the demon's clan. "Negotiations for what?" Angel asks. Gunn wanders in and explains, "To get 'em to stop eating baby heads." Angel figures that the fight may have ruined that plan, but Gunn says the Grox'lars respect strength. He also takes this opportunity to exposition that in addition to human laws, his brain is full of "demon laws from every dimension." So Gunn is Wesley now? Then who is Wesley? Gunn says that he should have briefed Angel about the Grox'lar, but that he's been busy with all the reforms they're trying to make at Wolfram & Hart. As he leads Angel away, Gunn mentions that he's fired forty employees in the past two days. Wow, he's been busy. And I think all of that had to happen yesterday, because this is still the same day that he saved the day at Hauser's trial, isn't it? And it's not even 3 yet!

Spicule stays behind, miffed that somebody else got a few lines of dialogue. Harmony apologizes for being crabby with him, and asks if he wants to talk. Spicule silently wanders off. Harmony calls him a "Slayer-loving freak." Word.

In his office, Gunn shows Angel a voodoo doll someone made of him. Heh. The Wesley voodoo doll Selannia made is much cooler, though. Spicule suddenly speaks up from the doorway about how big the building is or something. He's gone back to hugging the coat around him again. Angel snaps that he's in a meeting. Spicule says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't care." Okay, heh. Gunn says that some of the employees aren't going to be happy about the changes they're making. He looks really nice in those clothes.

As if on cue, a lawyer marches into the office and asks if they're shutting down the Internment Acquisitions Division. Angel turns to Gunn and whispers, "Internment acqui...?" Gunn is Wesley, and Angel is Cordy? Gunn loudly translates for him: "Grave-robbing." Angel continues to look confused. The lawyer, whose name is Novac, sucks up briefly and insists that he likes the changes they're making, but adds that the grave-robbing gig is awfully profitable. Angel says that they'll have to do without. Novac starts to argue, but then Angel starts glaring at him. Novac nervously explains that they have a contract to provide bodies to one Magnus Hainsley, one of their oldest clients. Angel tells Novac, "You tell Mister --" he pauses and clears his throat, and Gunn quickly supplies, "Hainsley." See, Angel really has been lying about how great his memory is! I knew it! Angel continues, "--Hainsley that Wolfram & Hart is under new management and out of the grave-robbing business." Novac isn't too happy about being the bearer of bad news, but he dutifully heads for the door. Spicule tells Novac, "You don't have to take that," and talks and talks and talks about how Angel's just a bureaucrat now, and Novac eventually wanders off because going to face an angry evil magician would at least be interesting. Angel tells Spicule to get out. Spicule nyahs that he hates Los Angeles and is planning to leave just as soon as he says one or two dozen more things, and with a final "Get stuffed," he leaves.

Cityscape & blipvert. It's dark outside, and it may not be the same day anymore. Finally. Angel has changed clothes, at least. I don't think it's fair that he doesn't get to wear a leather jacket anymore. In his office, Angel is staring out at the city, and as Wesley passes by the doorway, Angel asks, "You don't think he's really gone, do you?" He goes on to note that he was the one who was supposed to get all glowy and then burn up and close the Hellmouth. Wesley asks whether Angel feels guilty. Even Angel -- who feels guilty about most everything -- doesn't feel guilty about Spicule. No, Angel's just wondering what the heck Wolfram & Hart were planning when they gave him the company and an amulet that would turn him into a ghost. Wesley suggests, "Maybe there's dissent in their ranks, or maybe there's another player in the game." He adds, "Then again, maybe they got exactly what they were after." Just then, Angel spots Spicule lurking in the doorway, and asks why he's there. Spicule says that every time he got near the city limits, he got yanked back to Wolfram & Hart. Okay, but couldn't he find somewhere interesting to go within the city limits? ["In L.A.?" -- Wing Chun] Wesley figures that the amulet is bound to Wolfram & Hart somehow, and that Spicule is connected to the amulet.

Harmony pokes her head in, and...okay, she's still wearing the same clothes as before. So is it still the same day after all? She says that Novac is back from his visit to Hainsley. Angel tells her to send Novac in. Harmony skeptically says, "Okay...." She turns her head, and some flunkies enter the office carrying three buckets, which they place on Angel's desk. There are some bloody rags hanging out of one. Angel and Wesley peer into the buckets. Spicule sniffs that they're doing a "bang-up job." It seems odd that he didn't say they were doing a "bloody great job." All those years of set-up, and they missed the punchline.

Commercials. I bring up Spiracle's habit of hugging his coat to himself. Johanna thinks he's scared someone will make him get naked again. She wonders if Marsters has a phobia about socks now: "And if he does, David Boreanaz must terrify him!" Then, apropos of nothing, Johanna tells me, "Usually when I think about how they made Xander sleep outside at Christmas, I'm just thinking about how they're being so mean to him at Christmas. But I just realized that he's sleeping outside at night in Sunnydale. With all the vampires. And they don't care. They actually want him to get killed. He's all, 'Merry Christmas,' and they're like, 'You know what would make my Christmas merry? If you were dead!'"

Angel walks out to Harmony's desk and asks for a list of Novac's contacts and relations. Wow, Harmony has to work late. Gunn walks out and says, "Got word you wanted the file on Magnus Hainsley." He got word? Do the MoG not talk to each other directly anymore? Also, here's something I've been wondering: did they mean to call him "Magus Hainsley" and got confused? Or is it like a pun, because he's a big guy? Gunn hands Angel the file, and summarizes it by saying that Hainsley is powerful and has connections and so on. While pedeconferencing, Angel spots something in the file and grumbles, "And he's a necromancer." Wesley pops up in time to translate: "Power over the dead," and says that explains why Hainsley wants a steady supply of bodies.

Gunn, Angel, and Wesley return to Angel's office and find Spicule sitting behind the desk. "Out of my chair!" Angel snaps. "Make me," Spicule replies. Gunn wants to know what's in the buckets. Angel says it's a message from Hainsley, and that he's going to reply personally. He heads over to the private elevator while Wesley complains that this is a bad idea. Angel doesn't want anyone else getting hurt. Wesley protests again. Angel is adamant that he's the only one who gets to kill Wolfram & Hart's employees. He's also having a hell of a time figuring out how to call the elevator, which is amusing. There don't seem to be any buttons. The elevator doors open, and as Angel steps inside, Wesley continues to protest that Angel shouldn't be after "an eye for an eye." Angel sniffs, "I'm not going for his eyes, Wes," and hits a button in the elevator. Gunn quietly says, "I know what you should go for." Angel quickly puts his arm out to stop the elevator doors from closing. Gunn adds, "It'll hurt him. Bad [sic]." Angel looks intrigued. I found that hilarious. Obviously, I'm okay with the idea that Angel might not care too much about Wesley's advice at this point, but the idea that suddenly he's eager to hear anything Gunn says? Very odd. You know what else I liked about that scene? Spicule only had one line.

Angel enters the garage, and again with all the damn cars. He gets ready to enter one, and discovers Spicule inside waiting for him. Spicule says, "Knew you'd pick the Viper. So bloody predictable." Spicule has decided to make the most of his situation, so his new hobby will be driving Angel crazy: "I could drive you completely starkers." He's going to annoy Angel into taking his clothes off? Angel slams the door, walks to the car, and gets inside. In a development that no one could have predicted, when Angel gets inside, Spicule is right there waiting for him. See, I don't think Spicule even tried to leave Los Angeles. I think he just found an empty room and practiced teleporting and stuff. Anyway, Spicule says he'd like to go on a road trip, and asks where they're going. Angel quips, "To see the wizard." Well, yeah, that makes sense: this show could do with a brain, a heart, and some nerve.

A cityvert takes us to Hainsley's house, where a butler is letting Angel and Spicule inside. Does the invitation rule still apply to Spicule? The butler was Rolf on Days of Our Lives and, even cooler, was in an episode of Knight Rider. Angel explains that he's from Wolfram & Hart. The butler looks questioningly at Spicule, who adds, "I'm his date." Angel makes an exasperated face while the butler explains that Hainsley is with a customer, and doesn't like to be interrupted. Angel says he doesn't care, and orders the butler to interrupt. "As you wish," says the butler, and exits. Does the butler understand that his boss's orders are more important than those of random visitors? Spicule looks around and starts carping about "life among the power elite" and how Angel hasn't busted any heads yet. Does he ever stop talking? Shut up, Spicule! Where's Wesley? Why can't Wesley be talking? I repent! Angel says he's "hoping to avoid a body count," and with that, Spicule notices something in the room.