Previously on Angel, Angel went to work for the MoG. He also lopped off one of Lindsey's limbs, leading to the immortal line, "Let me wipe away the tears with my plastic hand!" Angel decided that if Lindsey didn't like his fake hand, maybe a conciliatory gesture was in order, so he smashed the prosthetic with a sledgehammer.
We blip our way to Lindsey's apartment. He's sleeping. With his non-stump hidden under the covers. And his charm bracelet guarding his other wrist against sneak attacks. Boring montage of Lindsey shaving, Lindsey picking out a pre-tied tie, etc., which I guess is done to establish that Lindsey only has one hand, in case anyone was still confused about the issue. Best moment: he opens his closet and stares sadly at his guitar. I cackle gleefully.
Cut to the Cleaver household. In several senses. Ward wanders out, griping about work. While he grabs breakfast, June hustles everyone else out to the van and calls back about the Beaver's book bag and vitamins. Ward grabs the book bag and, as he scans the newspaper, reaches out for a pill bottle on the counter. And instead, grabs a big, big knife. He moves toward the door and raises the knife toward his face; quick editing manages to convey that something terribly unpleasant happens.
At the Hyperion, Cordelia flails about as she goes on a vision quest. Blipverts of book bags dance her head, the girl with kaleidoscope eyes. Angel, Wesley, and Gunn rush in and try to help Cordy. Okay, I really hate this new dynamic they've got going. Mainly because it used to be that all the sidekicks did things together, but now they're breaking out in all kinds of crazy combinations, and I don't have any convenient acronyms to use as shorthand for groupings like "Angel, Wesley, and Gunn." Plus, I find it disconcerting when the well-established order of things suddenly changes. It's like discovering that Stalin's dictatorship has been usurped by a band of filthy pirates. Well, sort of. Cordy gasps for breath while blood splatters on the book bag and Ward's shirt. The vision ends, and Cordy curls up on the floor and sobs while Angel holds her. Aw. We've established that I'm a sucker for comforting sick people, right? Just checking. I'll recover during the credits.
We're back, and it's time for a staff meeting at Wolfram & Hart. I just figured out that Nathan Reed reminds me of one of the many Number Twos on The Prisoner. He's discussing business, but I'm too busy wondering about the temperature on the set to pay much attention. Judging by Lilah, it's a little chilly in there. Boring law-talk ensues; Lilah suggests a way to handle a pending lawsuit, but then Lindsey suggests a better way. Number Two lies and claims he'll consider both options, and then asks about Angel's status. Lilah says that it's still up in the air, but that if the WB drops the show, UPN will pick it up. Oh, that's a different conversation. My mistake. Eager to chat about his favorite hand-smashing antagonist, Lindsey says that Angel is "a barrel of dead monkeys," and then Lilah steps in with a more helpful summary: her sources say that Angel's reunited with his pals, and seems to have overcome his pyromania. Number Two moves on to other business, and mentions that, on Friday, there will be a reevaluation of the Special Projects division. As the meeting room clears out, Lilah pulls Lindsey aside for no real reason except to remind us that she's very nervous about the pending reevaluation, and that Lindsey isn't. She tries to keep herself warm by clutching her paperwork to her chest while whining pointlessly at Lindsey. Number Two interrupts, asking for a word with Lindsey. Lilah glares through the office window while Lindsey and Number Two talk about what a nerd she is.
Or so she thinks. Actually, Number Two is offering some suggestions regarding Angel: "Naturally, your attitude toward him would be...complex...but it's not very professional to air those feelings around your colleagues. People look up to you around here." So at Wolfram & Hart, it's okay to plot elaborate plans to engender mayhem and evil, as long as you don't seem to have a personal interest in the target? Actually, I can see that. Okay. The window buckles under the force of Lilah's Glare of Death as Number Two pats Lindsey on the shoulder. Number Two pulls out a business card and explains that he cleared Lindsey's calendar for the day in order to fit in a special appointment. All smiles, he escorts Lindsey to the door without providing any other details about what he has planned.
Hey, remember those clothes that Angel bought Cordelia? Are these them? If so, maybe he did lose his soul and become evil again. She's wearing a shirt that has a little lace-up slit on the right hip. Also, I don't think pale blue is her color. Anyway, she's talking to everyone about the vision: "He didn't feel crazy. He felt normal, you know? Until he started stabbing himself." Unfortunately, she doesn't have any useful suggestions on how to locate the guy. When Gunn presses her for details, Cordy starts snapping that she doesn't know, and Angel interrupts, "It's all right! We'll figure it out." Gunn accidentally nominates himself for the calling-local-hospitals detail. Wesley says he'll check out the morgues. Um, how? Can you just wander into morgues and ask, "Excuse me, has anyone turned up with grievous ocular damage today? I'm doing a survey." Does that work? If so, I may have a new hobby. Angel declares that he'll talk to his usual demon sources. Before leaving, Angel asks Gunn to keep an eye on Cordelia. But not in the sense of poking his eye out with a big knife and placing it on her body. I hope. After the others leave, Gunn offers to get Cordy a cup of tea. Cordy glares at him silently. Hey, it's not his fault. Sheesh.
Lindsey's getting the once-over at the Frankenstein Clinic. A doctor enters and introduces himself as Dr. Melman. Melman goes over Lindsey's paperwork and notes that he had "all the usual childhood diseases." Lindsey decides not to go into how his immune system got quite a workout when his siblings were dropping like flies at the old homestead, not to mention how he developed an incredible resistance to pneumonia by walking to school barefoot in the snow, uphill both ways. Melman asks whether Lindsey has any questions, and Lindsey off-handedly wonders if the doctor would like to share what exactly his plans are. Melman's surprised that Number Two didn't mention it, and notes that "they have a funny sense of humor over there." It seems that Wolfram & Hart help fund the clinic, and so they were able to move Lindsey "to the top of the transplant list." Melman says, "This is cause for applause," which rhymes, and says that Lindsey will be clapping along at the hoedown in no time.
Commence the artsy surgery. Blurry jump cuts convey Lindsey's point of view. Surgeons gingerly bring out a plastic hand they bought at the novelty store. Melman says, "You're doing great, Lindsey. Where's the Pockla?" About that time, a demon with long talons appears in one of the Senior Partner's borrowed robes. It fades in, glides over to the operating table on roller-skates, and makes with the spooky chanting. The seams on Lindsey's newly attached limb heal and fade into a light scar. With a final -- and I quote -- "Phhhssshht!" the demon finishes its work and glides off into nothingness. Melman cheerfully orders that Lindsey be moved to post-op.
Gunn is still working the phone at the Hyperion, while Cordy cleans in the background. Angel strolls in and quietly asks Gunn how Cordelia's doing. Dude, she's five feet away. Gunn says, "She grunted once around noon, then got on with the maniacal cleaning." Wesley joins the conference, declaring that he found "more nothing than usual." The gossipy old biddies confer for a moment, and determine that they'll just have to ask Cordy for more information. She's. Five. Feet. Away. Now I can understand why Cordelia thought she was being the epitome of discretion last week, when she at least went into a different room to talk about Harmony. Wesley encourages Angel to speak to Cordy, and Angel replies, "Me? You're the one in charge now." Wesley reluctantly agrees, starts to walk past Angel, then spins and adds, "That's why I'm assigning this one to you." See, this is the sort of thing that encourages me to hate Wesley even more. Because now I feel sympathy for Angel, and that's just wrong. Stupid Wesley.
Gunn and Wesley clear out as Angel oh-so-casually strolls over to Cordy. Quippage about how reflections are visible in the glass Cordy is polishing, although not Angel's reflection, obviously. Cordy has no response. Angel whistles in admiration of the cleaning job. Cordy sighs, "What do you want?" She notes that Mr. One-Eye is probably dead already, and moans, "I wish it would stop hurting." Angel gingerly asks her to look again, and Cordy says that she's been trying. She wanders over toward the computer desk, and I really think they've got a Cube. I can't afford a Cube, but Team-We're-So-Broke can? Grrr. Dear Apple, I would happily plug my shiny new Cube and flat-screen monitor in every recap if you feel inclined to give me one. Even if you are freaking people out with OS X. Love, Strega. Cordy rubs her temple and, after a lot of angst, comes up with a few more details. For instance, she sees a child's backpack with "Delancey School" stenciled upon it. Angel encourages her, and asks whether she can suggest anything else. Which is when Cordy starts crying. Again, aw. Angel says that the others will look into the latest clue first thing in the morning, which makes me wonder why it was so urgent that they put Cordelia through hell as soon as possible. Angel asks if he can get Cordy anything, and she bitterly sniffs, "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Angel backs off in total "ack! Unpredictable female emotion could destroy me at any moment!" fear. "No reason!" he insists. He's got that terrified look down, and it brings back such pleasant memories, so heh.
Reprise of the Lindsey waking-up scene. He's got his left arm hooked way over his head, and just looking at him makes me uncomfortable. He wakes up, rubs his face with his left hand, stares at his charm bracelet in confusion, and then brings up the new right hand for comparison. As he twists his wrist, there's the delightful sound of joints cracking, and I am utterly disgusted. Sorry, I just hate that noise. Blah blah blah fish-hands, and Lindsey opens his closet and stares at his instrument. I'm talking about the guitar, people! Jeez! Moments later, he's strumming away. On the guitar! You're all sick. Best caption of the week: "[Strumming.]" Strangely, he does not break into "Both Hands."
At the office, Lindsey's demonstrating his new skill at glad-handing. Lilah strolls up, and Number Two introduces her to one Mr. Kraigle. Number Two says that Kraigle is in "good hands" and wanders off while Lilah, Lindsey, and Kraigle head for their meeting. Lilah pulls Lindsey aside and notes, "That's an expensive operation." Even for an evil lawyer at Wolfram & Hart? Wow. Lilah sniffs that management is showing their love for Lindsey, and growls, "I can't believe they chose you over me." Don't lose heart, Lilah; maybe the new limb is part of a severance package! (You should see the awful jokes I decided against, people.) So, it seems that there's a lawsuit pending, because Kraigle's company carried chocolate in containers contaminated with cytoclistimine, causing cancer in consumers. Shout-out to my love of alliteration? Lilah reassures Kraigle that if the case goes to trial, the jurors will be "hand-picked, or enchanted, by us." Lindsey tops her again, explaining that a lawsuit would be pointless, since the packaging was actually done by a subsidiary of Kraigle's corporation, and that the subsidiary will go bankrupt soon, leaving no one to sue. Kraigle likes that idea, and asks whether Lindsey is taking notes. Does he need to take notes when it was his idea? I think he'll remember it later. The point is that Lindsey is, indeed, scribbling notes, but when he looks down at the legal pad he finds that he's been writing "kill" over and over. A puzzled Lindsey watches his hand continue to inscribe "kill," and finally drops his pen while Kraigle chirps about the great solution to his problem. After a moment, Lindsey suddenly jumps up, grabs his notes, and announces, "I have to go!" Lilah reassures Kraigle that nothing's wrong.
In the ads for this episode, they showed the "kill kill kill" scene, and Johanna and I started wondering whether Lindsey could get a spin-off where he has a new hand every week, and wackiness ensues. Johanna suggested that, if he got a barber's hand, he'd write "Trim trim trim!" I propose that, if he had a dentist's hand, the message would be: "Floss floss floss!" You get the idea. Play along at home. ["Ha! Like The Pretender, but with amputation! I love it. Plumber's hand? 'Plunge plunge plunge!'" -- Wing Chun]
Lindsey retreats to his apartment. He sits at his desk with a steno pad, but it looks like he's got writer's block. Or at least his hand does. He finally starts gingerly poking at his right hand with his left, trying to encourage it. Still nothing happening. This is so goofy, I don't even know how to mock it. Lindsey pulls out a letter opener and uses it to prod his hand, drawing blood. No response. He drops the pen and picks up the letter opener with his right hand, toying with the pointy object in a dangerous fashion. Finally, Lindsey holds his hand up before his face and earnestly asks it, "Who are you?" This is the silliest scene ever. Or at least this season -- I keep forgetting about the climax of "I Fall to Pieces."
At the Hyperion, Angel accepts a box of food and tells the deliveryman, "Keep the change." The deliveryman exits, muttering, "Wow, a whole dollar just for me. I'm the luckiest deliveryman ever." Angel looks exasperated, but c'mon, a dollar? Spent all his spare change on the Cube, I guess. Angel carries the box over to the front desk and begins unpacking sandwiches. Cordy asks what all the stuff is, and Angel explains that he was hungry. "You don't eat food," Cordy reminds him. Angel insists, "I can. It doesn't keep me alive. But, y'know, sometimes I get a hankering." Cordy looks over the food and wonders whether he really had a "hankering" for four kinds of sandwiches, soup, and a salad. Angel finally admits, "I forgot what you liked." Cordy says that he could have asked, and Angel reminds her that she got testy when people asked whether they could do anything for her. Cordy looks over the spread and calmly tells Angel, "I love you." Angel's giant grin explodes over his face, frightening small animals. Cordy adds, "And you oughta do that more often." Well, I don't know about that. But that was a nice little angst-free friendship moment. Incidentally, I wonder who helped Cordy paint her pants on. She heads back to her desk with a sandwich, and gets another quick vision of Ward Cleaver. Angel hurries over to her, and Cordy says, "This is weird. Before he put the knife in his eye, he was happy. He was happy about his eye. Like, it was new or something."
Wesley and Gunn arrive, and Wesley says that Ward is actually Joseph Kramer. The Kramers have left town, claiming that Joseph got a promotion. Gunn broke into the house, which was empty and spotless. Or, almost spotless: Gunn holds up a piece of bloodstained molding and asks Angel, "Wanna sniff?" Angel pushes Gunn's hand down and asks, "How 'bout I just believe you?" Wow, Gunn, good idea: go up to the nice vampire who still occasionally feels tempted by his darker urges, and taunt him with the smell of human blood! After Cordy summarizes how little they know, Gunn notes, "We're at a dead end." Woohoo, we have a title! I'm not sure what it means, but it's a title. Angel sighs, "There's only one thing we can do now..." Various exclamations of horror as the MoG realize that Angel's going to have to sing at Caritas.
At Caritas, Cary bops his head while Tracy Chapman sings onstage. Oh, wait, that's Lindsey. He totally sounds like Chapman, which is disturbing on several levels. He continues with his folk-rock stylings as Angel and the MoG enter. Cordy encourages Angel to pick a short song. Angel suggests "Stairway to Heaven," and Wesley replies, "Don't even joke about that." Then everyone stops as they realize who's singing. Cary strolls up and comments, "Isn't he fabulous?" He adds, "He used to come all the time before some caballero chopped off his strumming hand." Of course, you could rephrase that as, "He used to come all the time before he was dumb enough to threaten Cordelia's health while Angel was holding a scythe." Cordy, Gunn, and Wesley all make appreciative comments about Lindsey's abilities. Angel affects a dubious expression and asks, "You think he's good?" While everyone else in the room bops their heads to the beat, Angel snarks, "Pick a style, pal." Cary tells Angel to hush. Lindsey finally comes to a close, and it's nice that they brought the show to a halt so that Christian Kane could promote his singing abilities. Maybe he'll get a record contract as a going-away present. Cary hands Lindsey a drink and says that it's nice to have him "back in the saddle." By the way, Cary is wearing a suit that appears to have been made out of a very shiny bedspread. Lindsey explains his problem: "Look, I got a crazy man's hand here and it wants to kill...someone." Cary says, "You know what they say: 'The hand is quicker than the eye.' You'll get that later." Heh. Lindsey insists that he needs help, and Angel butts in, "I'll say! He might want to start with his singing!" He chuckles at his non-wit, while everyone else looks pained and compliments Lindsey. Angel wonders, "Is everyone drunk?" Lindsey asks why Angel is there, and Cary tries to cut through the antagonism: "Two enemies, one case, all coming together in a beautiful, buddy-movie kind of way." No one likes the idea of working together, and Cary asks, "Am I the only one who saw 48 Hours?" Lindsey snorts, puts his glass on the bar, and heads for the door, telling Angel, "If I see you outside the club, I'm gonna kill you." Angel looks happy about that. Cary tells Angel that Lindsey's the key to the case, makes another hand-related joke, and wanders off. Angel, of all people, figures part of it out, telling Cordy, "You said [that] the guy in your vision just got a new eye, and Lindsey's got a new hand." Wesley says that they should figure out where the transplants took place. Angel picks up Lindsey's glass and stares at the nice set of fingerprints on it.
At the Wolfram & Hart building, Lindsey sneaks into Number Two's office and boots up the computer. Guess what kind it is? And how does Lindsey have Number Two's password? And is their security actually getting worse as they go along? Anyway, Lindsey works his way through the OS, which contains lots of giant, helpful graphics and appears to have been designed for toddlers. He finally finds the files on the Special Projects division. First he pulls up Lilah's file, which seems to consist mostly of a big picture of her. What is the point of files that don't actually contain information? , he finds the file on the Fairfield Clinic.
Angel returns to the Hyperion, announcing, "The hand belongs to a thirty-year-old white male named Bradley Scott, served two and a half years at Soledad for embezzlement, paroled last month." Gunn asks how Angel got the information, and Angel says, "I'm a detective." Er, right. Cordy starts looking online for information about Scott, although I'm not sure why. Wesley presses Angel for more information on his research skills, and Angel finally says, "You know, when I was in charge here, nobody questioned my methods, or my singing." Cordy sniffs, "You're half right." Angel finally admits that he hired a detective to get the information. Oh, wacky. Cordy announces that Scott used to work for Wolfram & Hart. Angel adds that Scott saw his parole officer once after his release, and hasn't been seen since. Gunn summarizes the situation for no apparent reason except to earn some much needed screen time.
Lindsey sneaks out of Number Two's office and spies Lilah going through file cabinets. She pulls out a piece of paper and stuffs it into her bag, which also contains some pills and a revolver. Lindsey quietly backs away.
A random guy sits watching television in his apartment. We'll call him Ralph. Lindsey knocks on the door, and there's some back and forth of an uninteresting variety before the guy finally lets Lindsey inside. Apparently Ralph is a parole officer, and has done some work for Wolfram & Hart. Lindsey explains that he works for the same people, and that he wants to know where the clinic gets its body parts. Ralph insists that if Lindsey works for Wolfram & Hart, then he'll know the code. Unfortunately, Lindsey doesn't know the secret word that will enable him to win $100. Unhappy about that, Ralph wallops Lindsey.
After the ads, Ralph has pulled out a gun and is getting ready to shoot Lindsey when a trash can flies through the window. Ralph turns and fires at Angel, who ducks out of the way because bullets have no effect on him. Or something like that. Ralph drags Lindsey over to the window, pressing the gun to his head, and shouts, "I'm about to put a bullet in your buddy's brain, here!" Angel slips a rope around Ralph's neck, choking him as Lindsey grabs the gun away. I'm very surprised that Angel didn't snarl, "He's not my buddy!" while strangling Ralph. Maybe that was cut for time. While Angel holds Ralph, Lindsey turns and shouts, "What are you doing here?" He waves the gun around and insists, "I don't need you to save my life!" Angel encourages Lindsey to show some gratitude, but Lindsey goes on gesticulating with the gun as he demands, "Why aren't you trying to kill me?" Angel says, "I'm on a case here, Lindsey. Does everything always have to be about killing you all the time?" Heh. Ralph tries to squirm out of the line of fire, and when Angel pulls him back, Lindsey whines, "That's my lead! You're choking my lead!" Angel says, "If you want to get to the bottom of this, you've gotta learn how to play with others." The bickering continues as Angel asks Ralph for information about Bradley Scott. Ralph refuses, saying, "You can kill me, but Wolfram & Hart'll do a lot worse." There's a particularly jarring close-up of Angel as he gets his game face on, and then he makes an especially stupid "joke" about drinking Ralph's blood; the point is that Ralph agrees to talk. I thought we'd all come to an agreement about Angel's skill with quips. Specifically, about his lack thereof. Although there does seem to be an ongoing theme here about Angel's lousy sense of humor. Still. Ralph explains that he doesn't know much, but that Wolfram & Hart asked him to take Bradley to a particular address.
Cordy's curled up at a desk, crying softly, while Gunn and Wesley peek in at her like yahoos. They move away and talk about the visions and how Cordy is suffering and how she went nuts last year, and yeah, okay, we get it. They overhear Cordy saying, "Angel? Where are you?" and gee, maybe Cordy is going bonkers. Ya think? Gunn and Wesley burst through the doors and discover that Cordelia's talking to Angel on the phone. Wesley, must you suck Gunn into your black hole of non-comedy non-stylings? I'm sure this scene is setting up further Cordy-angst, but I'm sure of that because there's no other reason for this scene to exist.
Angel and Lindsey blipvert down the road in the Angelmobile. Angel tells Lindsey about the guy who poked his eye out. Lindsey isn't in the mood for chatting. Angel says, "I guess it's a lot to carry. I mean, losing Darla...and even me in a way, as a place to focus your rage." He goes on poking Lindsey's psychological wounds for a while, and finally says, "You just keep on moping. You're good at that." I'd expect Angel to feel competitive about his moping abilities, actually. "I can out-mope you! I've had way more practice! You're not nearly as broody as I am!" Angel parks the car, and he and Lindsey open the trunk, revealing that they've got Ralph tucked away back there, wrapped up in duct tape. Angel pulls Ralph partly out of the trunk and asks, "That where you took him?" Ralph looks across the street at the storefront for Southern California Travel, and nods vigorously. Angel pops Ralph back in the trunk, and he and Lindsey head across the street. Angel says that if Wolfram & Hart's involved, there are probably window sensors and other complicated security measures. Lindsey says that he'll need a computer to hack into the system. He's a hacker now, too? Angel lifts his ax and says, "That seems like a big bother. Whaddya say we just fight, huh?" Lindsey automatically starts to put up his tiny dukes before Angel asks him to step aside. Finally comprehending, Lindsey moves away and Angel hurls the ax through a window. Is it a good idea to start a fight by tossing your opponents a big sharp weapon? Apparently it is, since a guy immediately rushes out to be decked by Angel. Angel and Lindsey head inside, and a couple more bad guys take part in the shortest fight scene ever. It's maybe ten seconds long. Wow. They stroll through the room for a moment and can tell, just from looking around, that the floor's hollow. Whatever. Angel opens the secret trapdoor, and does this whole part seem rushed or is it just me?
Downstairs, Angel and Lindsey find themselves in a spooky basement with about ten people sealed up in standard-issue cryogenic tubes. Some of the people are missing limbs. It would have been creepier, I think, if all of the people looked awake. Bradley does, when we get to him, but imagine if the people in all those tubes were moving just a little bit, enough to make it clear they were conscious? Yeah: creepy. Anyway, Angel says, "Your firm in action, Lindsey. A lot to be proud of, huh?" Lindsey is stunned to discover that Wolfram & Hart does icky, not-very-nice things. Not really. Angel spots a banner with a sigil on it, and says, "The Pockla blessed this place." He explains that Pockla demons "know how to regenerate flesh. [Which] probably explains why some of these transplants aren't taking too well." It does? If you say so. Angel points out Bradley Scott, the original owner of Lindsey's hand; Lindsey, of course, knows the guy. Well, isn't that convenient? Lindsey stares at Bradley and says, "We worked in the mailroom together." Bradley blinks blearily at Lindsey and hisses, "Kill...kill." Lindsey asks, "Kill who?" Bradley dutifully fulfills his role in the cliché by answering, "Kill me." This is the second time I've seen this exchange this week. Of course, the first time it was because someone's arms were being cut off and eaten by insane Sebaceans every time they regenerated, so it's not exactly the same. I hope.
After the ads, Bradley's still keen on his death wish. Lindsey turns and asks Angel what he's supposed to do. Angel unhelpfully responds, "I know what I'd do, but this is your deal." Isn't helping the helpless sort of Angel's deal, too? And if being held prisoner in an evil laboratory while demons graft your body parts onto other people doesn't make you helpless, I'd like to know what does. Angel grabs the Pockla insignia as he says that they don't have much time, so they have to help the ones they can. He starts smashing open the cryo pods while Lindsey stares at Bradley. Lindsey says, "I'm sorry," and unplugs Bradley's tube. Angel continues hustling other donors out, wrapping them all in the handy-dandy Pockla banners. Once Bradley's dead, Lindsey lends a helping hand by smashing random objects. Angel opens a few canisters of oxygen and heads upstairs, where he tells Lindsey to take the other people to the car. Once everyone's out of the building, Angel lights up some paper and tosses it down the stairwell before running out the door. The travel agency goes boom.
The day, Angel asks Cordy whether she's suffering any aftereffects from the visions. Cordy says that she feels better, and reluctantly admits, "They're starting to take their toll." Everyone stares at her as she tries to keep a stiff upper lip and adds, "It's part of the job, right?"
Wolfram & Hart. Everyone gathers in the conference room as Number Two commences the reevaluation of the Special Projects division. He starts with some comments about Lilah's many contributions. Lilah can tell where this is going, so she cries, "No!" and gets ready to pull her revolver out. Lindsey grabs her hands and calmly tells her, "They chose me." Number Two confirms that Lindsey's getting a promotion. Lindsey tells Lilah, "You could have had it. But you didn't have what it takes: an evil hand!" Lindsey prepares to sink his teeth into a rousing farewell scene, as he hops out of his chair and begins strolling around the room. "Who here does?" he asks, rhetorically. "Leon doesn't. Charlie doesn't!" He ruffles the hair of a befuddled Charlie as he wanders over to Number Two and asks, "You do know you gave me an evil hand, right?" Number Two retains his stoic demeanor. Actually, that's a good question. We'll skip the part where the hand is evil, since it was just suicidal. Sort of. But anyway, did Wolfram & Hart know about the likely aftereffects of the surgery, and if so, what did they hope to gain by inflicting them on Lindsey? I'm over-thinking again, aren't I? Lindsey continues his monologue: "I've been writing 'kill kill kill' on everything. It's crazy! It's crazy, anything could happen." Number Two calls, "Alan," as Lindsey wanders toward the security guard. Alan starts to pull out his gun, but Lindsey punches him and takes it away. Then he shoots Alan in the foot and yee-haws, "Ooo, that's gonna hurt in the mornin'!" While Alan writhes about on the floor, Lindsey aims the gun around the room, deadpanning, "Stop it, evil hand, stop it." He fires several times in Number Two's direction, and Number Two tries not to flinch as glass shatters behind him. Lindsey giggles, "I just can't control my evil hand." I may have to try this at my review. Lindsey heads back over to Number Two, pausing to muss Charlie's hair again, and says, "If I woulda [sic] been in your shoes, I would have chosen Lilah." He mentions how Lilah has files on everyone there, detailing their illegal shenanigans. While Lilah looks on in confusion, Lindsey says, "Can you imagine if something were to happen to this girl, and those files got back to the senior partners? They'd eat you alive!" He insists that Lilah is the girl for the job, adding, "Me? I'm unreliable. I got [sic] these evil hand issues. And I'm bored with this crap. And besides, I'm leaving. So if you want to chase me, be my guest, and remember..." Lindsey holds up his hand and explains, "Evil." As he heads for the door, Lindsey whispers "good luck" to Lilah, and then either pinches or gooses her. Lilah gasps, and Lindsey gives one more "what can you do?" look as he says, "Evil." Hee hee. Once Lindsey's gone, Number Two suggests amending the minutes to reflect Lilah's promotion. He also recommends calling an ambulance for Alan.
Back in his western wear, Lindsey throws his knapsack and his guitar into the back of his old pickup. Out of that whole apartment, he only found one bag of stuff worth keeping? Lindsey says, "If you're here to kill me, grab ya a ticket and get in line." "Grab ya a ticket"? He's talking to Angel, of course, who is lurking at the back of the truck. Angel starts saying how much he likes the truck, and that in the 1950s everyone thought they'd have "air cars and robots" by now. Lindsey smiles, "So you're here to talk me to death?" Undeterred, Angel pontificates that things don't always go as planned, noting that Wolfram & Hart are probably unhappy to lose Lindsey. Lindsey makes it clear that he remains epiphany-free, thank goodness. Angel says, "I'm just here to say bon voyage. Don't come back." Lindsey opens the door of his truck and says that Angel can have Los Angeles. Angel chirps, "I'm glad I didn't have to do something immature here," just as a large, heavy object lands on my roof. Glad I got that anti-anvil reinforcement. After staring at him for a minute, Lindsey says, "The key to Wolfram & Hart: don't let them make you play their game. You gotta make 'em play yours." Although, if your game is tiddly-winks, that's gonna take some doing. Angel thanks Lindsey for the advice, and says, "Don't drive too fast. Lotta cops out there." I hear another thud against the roof. Lindsey gets into the cab and pulls away, so that we can see the hand-lettered "Cops Suck" sign that Angel taped to the back. Lame as that it is, it seems somehow appropriate for Angel's limited wit. And so Lindsey drives off into the night, to join the other captives in the bin of secondary characters who may never be seen again. I think he should become roommates with Bethany. She's an abuse victim who doesn't like to be touched; he's a guy with a crazy out-of-control hand! I smell a sitcom!
time, more wackiness, as Cordy models a bikini. I hope that's just the subplot.