Disharmony

S02E17

Previously on Angel...gosh, it's been so long I've forgotten what any of these scenes mean. Um, well, it looks like Angel backed away from a cocktail party, a blonde gave an old guy a hickey, and then all of the other guests fainted. Angel said, "You're all fired," but a policeman just heard, "Fire!" and shot Wesley. Angel dropped a cigarette in a puddle of gasoline and made some girls scream. Cordy gave Angel a book, which made Angel sit up in bed. Then it was Angel's turn to fall down, and a green guy said vaguely ominous things. Cordy said she wasn't okay, and Angel asked Wesley for a job.

In the office of the Hyperion, Angel squirms uncomfortably while Wesley lectures him about getting along with his co-workers. "Be sensitive to their feelings, their opinions. Especially before you take some action one might construe as...oh, let's just call it insane." I'm so glad I work in a soulless corporate environment where I don't have to pretend to take an interest in people just because they work down the hall from me. I really should just give up and live in a cave, shouldn't I? ["I'm already there, practically; it's not everything it's cracked up to be." -- Wing Chun] Wesley says, "This is torture for you, isn't it?" Angel admits that it is, and Wesley says, "Good." Angel says he'll think about Wesley's advice, and after an awkward moment, adds, "Somewhere else. Not here. 'Cause, I mean, this is...your office...now." Angel backs out of the room, and I never realized that the office had sliding doors before. Cool. I want them. Angel turns to see Cordy has set up a cup of pencils and a blotter on a table. Wesley explains that this is Angel's new workspace, adding, "And I'd love a cup of coffee." Got the mandatory coffee reference out of the way early this time. Angel chuckles at Wesley's joke, until Cordy coldly adds, "Two sugars in mine." Gunn asks for a mocha cappuccino. Yum, good choice. But do they have an espresso machine at the hotel? As the MoG wander off and the wackiness theme is cued up, Angel sighs, "Atonement's a bitch." Credits.

A couple sits in a parked car. They start making out. Hooded figures lurk. Then two lurkers smash the car windows as the girl screams. They had the windows rolled up? Where were their legs gonna go?

Cut to Gunn, who's busy with a box full of weapons. Wesley and Cordelia are unpacking more ordinary office supplies as Angel merrily bops down the stairs. Wesley looks up, and Angel loses his bounciness. Once Angel has reverted to an attitude of squirmy discomfort, Wesley is satisfied, and returns to work. In fashion news, Cordy is wearing normal human clothes: jeans and a sweatshirt. Okay, she did tie a knot in the back of the sweatshirt so that it's pulled up around her ribs to reveal her belly button. I know that when I'm hot and sweaty, nothing is more refreshing than a cool breeze over my abdomen. Angel approaches Cordy and gets as far as "Uh" before Cordelia tells him to buzz off. Angel persists, asking how she is, and tries to take the box she's hefting. Cordy snaps, "I've got it!" After more awkward Angelness, Cordy relents slightly and says, "You wanna know how I am?" She says she's tired and sweaty, but also excited about getting the business going again. She concludes, "Just so we understand each other, you and I? We're not friends." Angel switches from awkward to abashed, which demonstrates that in some cases you can get by as an actor by covering the gamut of emotions from A to B. Cordy starts to trudge off with her box, but a vision hits, causing her to shove the box at Angel at high speed, which looks darn silly. Angel drops the box and is sorta successful at easing Cordy to the floor.

Cordy sees a woman struggling against blue-robed figures that are dragging her out of a car. She describes that much before the vision hits again, this time showing people trapped in a cage, and a red stone bird. Cordy relates, "They're taking people and -- whoa. Big bird?" End vision. Gunn is confused, and Cordy snaps, "Not the Muppet, dumb-ass." I think somebody just remembered that this show is on at nine. Wesley asks where the attack is happening, and Cordy says it's at "Lafayette Park, near the fountain." Wesley and Gunn head for the door, but Angel leans over Cordy and asks, "Are you --?" Cordy recoils and insists, "Fine." Angel starts to follow his other sidekicks while instructing Cordy to take off and get some rest. He also backs into a pole, proving that he's ready to add "bumbling" to his repertoire. Before exiting, he has one more suggestion: "Order Chinese!"

An indefinite amount of time later, Cordy is getting ready to leave. For no particular reason, she suddenly looks creeped out at being alone in the large, empty, occasionally demon-infested hotel. She starts calling out, "hello?" and it really would help to know why she thinks someone might be there. Other than because someone is there, of course. A shadow moves behind her; she spins, and then screams in surprise upon seeing Harmony standing there. Hugs and compliments are exchanged. Harmony says that Cordy's hair "looks adorable off [her] neck." Heh. Harmony quizzes Cordy on her job, so Cordy briefly explains that she manages the office before asking why Harmony is in Los Angeles. Harmony says, "Just broke up with someone. Real smothering relationship. You know, the kind where they just can't live without you." Cordy grits her teeth and says, "Oh, sure. That one. Hate that." Poor Cordy. She goes on to ask whether Harmony has somewhere to stay. Harmony asks, "You offering?" Cordy grins, "Do I have to say it?" and Harmony reveals all five thousand of her giant teeth as she says, "Yeah!"

Angel, Wesley, and Gunn arrive at the smashed car. Wesley starts directing the others to search the park, but upon hearing cries in the distance, Angel volunteers to "follow the screaming woman." They race over to where the woman is struggling with a green-robed attacker. The bad guy sees them approaching, so he picks the woman up and tosses her at them. Angel catches the woman, hands her to Wesley, and joins Gunn in battle-mode. Gunn manages to pull down the hood of the robe to reveal that he's fighting a vampire. Gunn quips, "What you wanna go hiding such a pretty face for?" and starts pummeling. When the vamp makes a break for it, Gunn pulls off the robe, and the vamp runs straight into Angel. As he's staked, an elephant trumpets in the distance. Well, that's what it sounded like to me. Gunn looks at the robe he's holding as they head back to where Wesley is masterfully comforting the traumatized woman. Gunn notes that Cordelia described blue robes, but that the one he's holding is green. Wesley says that it's dark, so maybe Cordelia misjudged the color. Angel insists, "I think we should give her the benefit of the doubt before just condemning her like that." Angel, there's no point in sucking up to someone who isn't around to appreciate it. Gunn and Wesley stare at him. Gunn walks off to check for more vamps. Wesley finds a badge on the robe, and shows it to Angel. It's a triangle surrounding a snake curled into a 2. I didn't know vampires had merit badges. Wesley pulls out a phone and says he'll ask Cordelia to try to identify the symbol. Angel hesitantly mentions that he gave Cordy the night off to recover from her vision. He's up to "H," although I guess "hesitant" isn't technically an emotion. He abruptly asks if he should send her some flowers, "to say 'thanks,' and 'sorry about the migraines.' You know, 'I appreciate you.'" Wesley snarks, "By all means. And while you're at it, pick me up one of those 'sorry you were shot in the gut' bouquets!" I'm never going to understand why it's Angel's fault that Wesley got shot. Wesley says that Angel can't buy Cordy's trust or affection. He will be proved terribly wrong later, which pleases me. Angel hops straight to "morose" in his handbook and mutters, "She said we're not friends, Wesley." Wesley advises Angel to give her time: "She's got a lot of pain to work through."

Scarily sudden cut to Cordy throwing her head back in riotous laughter. She and Harmony are sitting on the sofa, wearing robes, towels around their heads, sipping glasses of wine. This is just like when Johanna and I hang out. They're reminiscing about the good ol' days in high school. Harmony observes, "We totally ruled. We were powerful, rich, popular..." Cordy says nothing's changed now, "apart from the 'powerful, rich, and popular.'" Cordy goes on to say that, despite the changes, she's happier now. She begins an unfortunate metaphor about how she used to have "air pockets" inside her which are being filled up by the work she does now. As Harmony starts laughing, she concludes, "I'm becoming me and...me has had [sic] way too much to drink!" She changes the subject by asking what Harmony's been doing. Harmony offers evasive claims that "things are faboo" and she's feeling good. As Harmony starts to hold her stomach uncomfortably, Cordy says, "You must be doing something right, 'cause you look...crampy." I thought she'd said "crappy" until I watched again with closed captioning on. Which confused me, since Harmony looked fine. Now it all makes sense again. Right, so anyway, Harmony says that she's just feeling a tad peckish. Cordy cheerfully leans across Harmony to grab the phone and order pizza. As she leans over, Harmony vamps out, but when Cordy pushes herself back onto the couch, Harmony resumes her normal, vapid appearance. Cordy suggests pineapple and tandoori chicken as toppings, so as we go to commercial, let's all make gagging noises.

Done? Good, the show's back on. We travel via blipvert into Cordy's bedroom. She sleeps peacefully as Harmony quietly opens the door and enters. She sits on the bed, stares at Cordy, and suddenly the door slams shut. Hi, Dennis! Cordelia wakes up as Harmony says, "I didn't do that." Cordy turns on the light and sleepily explains, "I have a ghost." She starts to ask what Harmony is doing, and Harmony insists, "Nothing!" Cordelia is not convinced. Harmony gives up, and starts explaining about her "urges," and how Cordy looked so "luscious" lying there, and so naturally Cordy figures that Harmony is a lesbian, without quite managing to say so. Similarly, Harmony avoids using the word "vampire" as she continues yammering about how she kept her situation a secret because she was scared that Cordy would kill her. Cordy insists that she isn't narrow-minded, and says that she just wants Harmony to be happy. There's plenty more wacky conversation at cross-purposes, but I think you get the idea.

The morning, Cordy's on the phone with Willow. I've finally reconciled Cordelia's occasional contact with Willow by figuring that Cordy might have developed some strange respect for Willow, since Willow stole her boyfriend. And because it doesn't make a lot of sense for her to be keeping in touch with Buffy or Xander, either, so what the hell. Anyway, in hushed tones, Cordy demands to know why no one told her about Harmony. Cut to Willow, who's sitting in her pajamas on the bed, in the middle of brushing her teeth. In order to respond to Cordy, she first has to swallow a mouthful of toothpaste. So she either answered the phone without speaking, or she said, "Hello?" and then started brushing her teeth. And she's the smart one. Fine, so there's some more hilarious confusion as Cordy explains that Harmony "practically attacked" her, but that she "shot [Harmony] down." Willow asks, "You wounded her?" and Cordy insists, "She'll get over it!" And so on and so forth. When it becomes clear that Cordelia invited Harmony to stay with her, Willow interrupts, "We're all clear on the fact that Harmony's a vampire, right?" Cordy processes this, and finally laughs, "I'm so embarrassed! All this time I thought she'd become a great big lesbo!" We don't see Willow's response, which is a bit annoying since we saw every other part of her conversation (down to an eye roll), but Cordy uses her fakest cheery voice to say, "Really? Well that's great! Good for you!" Willow deadpans, "Thanks for the affirmation," and insists that Cordy should get away from Harmony. And that's when Harmony appears around the corner. Cordy, when talking about someone who's in the same apartment that you are, you really should at least close the door.

At the Hyperion, Wesley is looking at a book as Angel walks up with the robe. Angel considers tracing the label on the robe, but Wesley says that "the name's a fake, no listing anywhere." They're dealing with bad guys who go through the effort of sewing fake labels into clothing just in case anyone tries to trace them, instead of just, oh, not having labels in the first place. I smell a bureaucracy at work! Angel offers to do some legwork instead, but Wesley says that Gunn's already doing that; plus, it's daytime. Angel doesn't bother pointing out that he has developed a network of tunnels that could take him to China if necessary. I wait in vain for someone to wonder whether Wolfram & Hart are involved, since they always are. Maybe Wesley doesn't want to trigger Angel's obsessive tendencies. Angel asks what he should do to help. The phone rings, and Wesley suggests, "You can answer that." It's Willow, although we don't even get to see her for this conversation. Talk about phoning in a performance! Ba-dum-pum. Willow alerts Angel to the fact that Cordy's rooming with a vampire.

Cut to Cordy's door being smashed in by Wesley and Angel. They swoop into the room, aiming crossbows and stakes at Harmony, who is sitting on the couch, painting Cordy's toenails. There is much confusion. Wesley says that Harmony's a vampire. Cordy knows. Wesley clarifies, "An evil vampire." "We covered that, too," Harmony insists. Cordy tells her rescuers, "Holster your guns, boys. She came to me for help. That's what we do, right? Help." Angel puts the stake away because he's jumping to "'O' is for 'obsequious,'" but Wesley refuses to be deterred. He says, "That's not your friend. That thing may have your friend's memories, her appearance, but it's just a filthy demon, an unholy monster!" After a moment, he tells Harmony, "Uh, no offense." Harmony blinks, "About what?" Wesley prepares to shoot, but Angel pulls the crossbow down: "Cordelia here feels that her friend doesn't pose a threat. I think we should respect her wishes." Cordy and Wesley both look at Angel suspiciously. Wesley finally says that they need Cordelia at the office, and she doesn't complain about her wet toenails before getting up. A cameraman is thoughtful enough to provide a close-up of the tattoo on the base of her spine. This angle also gives us what the show has been so desperately needing: a lingering shot of her ass. Jeez. Wesley wonders if she's going to leave Harmony there in her apartment, "risking [Cordelia's] neighbors' lives." Cordy insists that she trusts Harmony, but then Harmony says, "I don't wanna stay here alone with the ghost."

And then, as if Cordy's butt weren't enough, I pause the tape just in time to see an ad on TV now for a "Monster Booty" compilation album. The end of civilization is very, very close now, folks. Note to self: stock up on canned goods.

Back at the Hyperion, Wesley pages through his book while explaining that extensive research has turned up absolutely nothing about the snake in the triangle. He does, however, point out that "the triangle evokes pyramidal imagery." However did they get along without him? Harmony sits down to him and pops a bubble in her chewing gum. Wesley is vexed. Angel asks Cordelia about the bird sculpture from her vision. Is that a Hopper print on the wall behind them? Nice. Cordy says she doesn't have any idea about the type of bird it was, adding, "For all I know, it was a duck." Wesley wonders if it's an idol, and Harmony pops her gum again and giggles about duck-worshippers. Hate mail pours in across the land from irate Duck Dodgers worshippers. Both of them. Trying to ignore the bimbo interruptions, Angel guesses that the bird is a landmark. Wesley says, "I suggest --" but on hearing another bubble popping, finishes the sentence, "--someone put a stake through that woman's heart if she persists on popping her bloody chewing gum!" Cordelia asks Harmony to ditch the gum, and Harmony does so, ripping a page out of Wesley's book and wrapping the chewed gum in it. Wesley flips. Cordy tries to smooth things over by saying that Harmony didn't do it on purpose, which isn't exactly true. Harmony doesn't do herself any favors by agreeing, "That's right. And I could've, 'cause, you know, I am evil." Wesley calmly reaches into a desk drawer, pulls a stake out, and is restrained by Cordy. Angel pulls Harmony out of the line of fire and pours her a mug of blood. I was going to say, "Ew, she's drinking it cold!" but it's not like it's less gross if it's warm, so never mind. Harmony says that the blood tastes funny, and Angel explains that it's pig's blood. Harmony, exasperated, says, "Well that's gonna go straight to my hips." She asks Angel how he can resist the craving for human blood, describing the sensations in great detail until Angel widens his range all the way to "tempted." Then Gunn enters, cutting off the reverie. Gunn greets Harmony with interest while she pours about a cup of sugar into her pig's blood. Cordy introduces Harmony, and Wesley cattily adds, "It's all right to speak freely in front of her. She's a vampire." Gunn draws back, looks at Angel, and wonders, "Don't we kill 'em anymore?" Gunn says that robed vampires have been snatching people for the past month. Cordy wonders why they haven't heard about this sooner, and Angel notes, "We've all been a little bit distracted lately." Gunn says, "Or maybe we haven't heard because not a lot of bodies are turning up." Wesley guesses that the vampires are "building an army." But why?

A diligent editor answers that question right away. Inside a theater, dozens of vampires stand in robes of various colors, looking up at a speaker on the stage. Behind him are large screens featuring the snake and triangle. A vampire in a white robe intones, "Where are we going?" and the vampires chant, "Planet Ten!" Wait, that was me saying those things. Actually, the vampire in white...and let's just call him Doug from now on, since that's his name. Plus "the vampire in white" sounds like a Wilkie Collins novel. Where were we? Doug tells the crowd, "It's time to actualize your potential! It's time to maximize your personal input, and get the most out of your afterlife." The problem with funny episodes is that all the jokes have already been made. Although between Magnolia and Scientology, I can't help wondering if that's Tom Cruise under the moustache. Did I mention the moustache? It's bushy. A vampire with a bushy moustache. Heh. But doesn't he get hair in his blood? Doug goes on with empower-speak for a while, and then images begin appearing on the giant screen behind him. Triangles, in fact. The pyramidal kind. At the top level is a stick figure on a white background. Lower levels are lit up, as Doug explains, "One vampire turns two humans into vampires. They each turn two more humans into vampires..." And so on, and so on, and I feel a sudden urge to buy shampoo. Doug explains that in order to join his program, a vampire has to bring a person in to be deposited into the "food bank." The stage behind Doug is suddenly lit up, allowing us to see a cage holding maybe ten people. The vampires applaud. Doug's got another handy catch phrase to describe the scheme: "Turn two, the rest is food." In the crowd scenes, a lot of the vampires have their hoods pulled down so that they drape over their eyes. Which is a pretty clever way to avoid having to put vampire prosthetics on dozens of extras. Hooray for economy.

Wesley is pushing pins into a map, marking the vampire abductions Gunn reads off a list. While Cordy runs a search on vampire cults, Harmony sadly looks at her. Harmony says, "We always said we were gonna do something cool with our lives. Now look at us. You're an office manager, and I'm dead." Once again, this is just like the conversations Johanna and I have. I'm not saying which of us is which. Cordy is distracted from existential contemplation when she finds something online. She calls the others over, and they all look at an image of a triangle with a non-snakey number two inside. Cordy found it on the Department of Justice "bunco squad" homepage; it's the logo for a pyramid scheme. Gunn says, "Vamps running money scams now? That's low." Cordy says that a motivational speaker named Doug Sanders ran the scheme, adding that he disappeared before the authorities could arrest him. Cordy turns up a photo of Doug (in non-vamp form, obviously), and Harmony leans over to see the picture, spilling blood into the keyboard. Which causes the computer to spark, smoke, and go dead. In that way they do. In alternate universes. It's not until now that I notice that the computer in question is not the iBook. I guess Cordy squirreled it away at home, claimed that it was "lost in the move," and got Angel to spring for a brand new computer with a flat screen monitor. Because money is so tight and all. Speaking of con artists...Cordy leads Harmony away, calling her "Harm," which leads Wesley to grouse, "Such a fitting nickname."

Out in the lobby, Harmony moans that she's just getting in their way. So she's not completely stupid. She goes on to say, "I don't have anyone who understand what I'm going through," which mirrors Dawn's remarks from an hour earlier. Right down to the lack of sympathy I feel. Suddenly Cordy is inspired, decides that the pesky job of saving human lives can wait, and shouts, "We're going out!"

We travel by blipvert through Chinatown and arrive at Caritas. Music swells. Harmony sings "Memory." I guess someone had to do it. Cordy sits with Cary in the nearly deserted bar, and asks for his opinion. Cary says, "I think your friend should reconsider the name 'Harmony.'" David Fury has been scribbling down jokes based on Harmony's name for the past six months, hasn't he? Not that I wouldn't do the same thing. The song ends, and Harmony bounces down to the table giggling about how much fun she just had. Cary appears to have tucked a napkin into his cravat. Or he's wearing two cravats. Is it a daring fashion statement, or does he just need a bib? You decide. Harmony asks whether Cary can help her, and he says that he can't. Whoops. He says that Harmony is already on her path, calls her "my little Cacophony," and concludes, "I'm not your travel agent for this trip; brown-eyes here is." He stands, blows Harmony a kiss, and leaves. Before Cordy has to answer Harmony's question about the meaning of "cacophony," Wesley, Gunn, and Angel enter and call her over. They've determined that the attacks are focused in a limited area, so they should cruise around in the center and see if Cordy gets any hints from vision-land. Cordy heads back to tell Harmony that she has to go. Harmony wants to know which version of "Candle in the Wind" she should do. Cordy suggests doing them both, so that Harmony can repay Cary for his kindness by driving out the five remaining customers. Harmony responds, "Like the green man said, you're my guide!" As they head out, Gunn asks, "Just so we [sic] on the same page, when we find this vampire cult, we are gonna kill 'em this time, right?"

Dramatic music as the four philanthropists of the apocalypse march down the street. We pan across each of them in turn, ending triumphantly on Harmony, gleefully bopping along to Cordelia. Everyone halts. Harmony explains, "He said stick with you! I understand now where my place is!" Cordy nervously asks where that is, exactly, and Harmony chirps, "With you! I'm one of the good guys now."

A crazy whirlwind blipvert travelscape deposits us, cranky and disoriented, in the Angelmobile. In the backseat, Harmony babbles about fighting evil, and having a purpose, and wonders whether she and Cordy can gossip at the water cooler. In the front seat, Wesley hisses the vague instruction, "Do something!" to Angel. Angel doesn't gloat even a little bit as he says, "It's your place to tell her." Wesley whines, "She won't listen to me!" and Angel responds, "Welcome to my world." Cordy suddenly shouts at them to stop the car. Angel pulls over, and the shot is framed so that we can see the head of a big stone bird in the foreground. It's not red, though. The passengers notice the bird, too; it hangs over the marquee for the Palace Theater. The shooting script has it as "The Phoenix Theater," so that the bird would make sense, but that was changed for some reason. There must be a real Phoenix Theater that might take offense at being portrayed as a vampire hangout. Instead of seeing it as an opportunity to market to the Goth crowd. Anyway, Cordelia isn't sure whether it's the bird from her vision or not. They get out of the car and stare at the decidedly not-red bird. As they mutter to each other, Angel wanders off. Wesley orders everyone back into the car, and then a neighboring store suddenly turns its neon sign on, illuminating the bird in reflected red glare. Angel appears again and explains, "The electronics store forgot to turn on its lights." While pulling bags of weapons out of the trunk, Wesley barks orders for their attack. Harmony asks for her marching orders. After some hesitation, Wesley assigns her the task of guarding the car. Harmony cheerfully declares that she'll rip out the throat of anyone who approaches the car. Wesley vetoes any killing. "Okay, maiming only," Harmony replies. Cordy urges the rest of the group on while she talks to Harmony.

By Strega

Harmony's still yakking away as they descend a staircase onto the back of the stage. No one tells her to shut up even though they're readying for a surprise attack. So it's no big surprise when Wesley asks where the vampires are, and Harmony says, "Right behind you." Vampires enter through the doors, and more are silhouetted behind the screen (economy again). Harmony explains, "I belong with them."

After the ads, Doug descends the stairs and declares Harmony's betrayal "an impressive display of potential-actualization." He notes that Harmony delivered "two to turn, one for food, and, as a bonus, the infamous Angel." Harmony slips into her blue robe. Cordy aims her crossbow at Harmony, calling her "weak-willed" and "soft-brained." Harmony dismisses the insults, explaining, "I tune out mental roadblocks." Angel cues Wesley, who gives the official order: "Kill 'em all!" Melee rules are in effect. After a few stakings, a bunch of the vampires start to race out the door. Doug's pyramid scheme didn't really teach them about teamwork, I guess. There's fighting and punching and Harmony knocks Cordy across the stage in a shot that I'm hoping is supposed to be funny. Wesley starts to set free the caged people, and is attacked by a vamp with a cattle prod. Doug and Angel wrestle over an axe, and Doug questions Angel's motivation for teaming up with humans instead of empowering his vampire self. Harmony tackles Cordy, but then Cordy aims a crossbow at her throat. Harmony giggles, "You can be so stupid. That won't kill me." Cordy agrees, "It'll just hurt like hell." She lifts up another crossbow, aimed at Harmony's heart, and explains, "This is the one that'll kill you." Gunn rescues Wesley, and Angel and Doug keep fighting. Harmony sniffles, "It wasn't personal. I'm evil. We're still friends, right?" Cordy prepares to fire, and I urge her on. Angel finally kills Doug, in case anyone cared. Cordy wusses out, the big wussy wuss. Damn. Cordelia says, "We're not friends. Now get out of here." She orders Harmony to get as far away from her as possible, and Harmony scampers away. Angel appears behind Cordy, and Cordy warns him, "Don't say anything. Not a word."

At the Hyperion the day, Angel steps into the office and asks, "You wanted to see me?" Wesley explains that he wanted to touch base before Cordelia arrived. He says, "I know things remain strained between the two of you." Angel insists that it's okay, and that he's going to "give her the room she needs." Wesley grins and declares that Cordy just needs time and space to heal. His stint as the voice of reason is cut short by a scream. The door slides open, and Cordy bursts into the room with her arms full of clothing. She squeals with delight at the new clothes Angel left for her, saying, "You have, like, a gay man's taste! And that's saying something! I love them so much!" More piles of clothing are visible on the desk outside. Most of them appear to be red. Odd. Cordy kisses Angel on the cheek and gives him a giant hug. Angel grins over her shoulder at Wesley. My recapping skills are inadequate to convey how hysterical it is when Cordy starts singing "la la la la la!" while she and Angel bounce up and down. Angel bouncing gleefully is right up there with Angel doing disco moves. Plus, it means we've arrived at the end of Angel's Acting Alphabet, since Angel is expressing the feeling, "zippidee-doo-dah!" Work with me here, people. Oh, Wesley isn't amused by the bribe, though. Luckily, no one cares. Cordy giddily races back out to try on her new duds. Angel chuckles, "I got her clothes!" and heads out the other door.

By Strega

Before Cordy can say anything, Angel takes her by the arm and pulls her away. Cordy snaps, "Touching! With the hand!" Angel gingerly suggests that Harmony isn't really suited for work with them. Cordy insists that it's temporary, and that the job is giving Harmony a reason to go on. Angel says, "I don't want her going on. And neither should you. She's the enemy." He goes on to say that Harmony will turn on Cordy, and Cordy asks, "Why? Because you did?" Ouch. There's some more back and forth that makes for a dull recap, climaxing when Cordy sarcastically says, "You're better than her because you have a soul." Angel, and half of the home audience, say, "Well, yeah!" Things get personal, and Cordy grouses, "You didn't just betray me, Angel. You didn't just hurt me. You gave away my clothes!" Angel tries to ameliorate things by saying, "To the needy," instead of, for instance, "Yes, I gave away your ugly, ugly clothes, because I care about you and can't stand seeing you dressed like a prostitute for the colorblind!" Which was probably wise on his part. Cordelia snaps, "I am the needy!" With her iBook. She asks, "Do you know how scared I was [that] you were on your way to becoming Angelus again? Imagine what could've happened if you'd gone nuts and slept with Darla!" Angel can't meet her eyes, but he doesn't hesitate in saying, "You know I would never do that." Heh. Gunn and Wesley cut off the conversational catharsis by saying that they can't get into the building. Angel offers to go in posing as a recruit. Gunn says that Angel would be recognized, which makes more sense than Wesley's comment that "some can sense [Angel's] soul." Because, if so, Angel sure did get lucky when no one noticed him at the bite club in "Redefinition." Cordy suggests sending Harmony in for some reconnaissance. Gunn impersonates Han Solo by saying, "I've got a bad feeling about this." Harmony is hesitant, too, but Cordy convinces her that this is her big chance to find a purpose. Wesley finally approves the plan, in case someone cares about his opinion. Harmony puts on her game face as she says, "Watch out, evil; here comes Harmony."

By Strega

Inside the theater, Harmony is led through an alcove filled with books. Her guide hands her one, so that we can see that the book is titled Selective Slaughter: Turning a Blood Bath into a Blood Bank. Must be one of those vanity-press things. She heads into the theater, where Doug is motivating away. Up on the stage, a vampire named Tibor is "graduating to the yellow level" and slipping into a shiny new robe. Doug raises the screen and encourages Tibor to choose a victim from the caged victims. I really don't get what's in this for the vampires. Best not to analyze the premise too closely, I guess. The MoG lurk in an alley and wonder what's taking so long. Angel says that if Harmony's been captured, they'll rescue her. He's gotten all the way to "unctuous" in his quest for Cordelia's forgiveness. Gunn responds, "Now we saving a vampire from vampires? I got two words for that: 'nuh' and 'uh.'" Harmony finally appears, and reports that there are about one hundred vampires inside, along with a dozen caged humans. She adds that she left a back door into the theater open. Everyone troops inside while Harmony yammers on about how grateful she is to Cordelia for this opportunity.

By Strega

time, Lindsey gets a hand that's been "touched by evil." In fact, it's a crazy man's hand! This may outdo bouncy Angel for pure giggles.