Well, it has been two weeks that we've been waiting with great anticipation to learn which male model -- Mike, Phil, or Jeremy -- would return to the competition. I was 100% sure it would be Phil, but it turns out he was felled by virgin Jeremy, who accompanies Alexandra back into the fray. This gives Jourdan 100% more opportunities to be a bitch to him, which she does with relish. Marvin sees only positives in the fact that Jourdan finds Jeremy so annoying, and hopes that he will throw her off of her game. Meanwhile, we learn that Alexandra has a condition in which her heart rate gets so high that no oxygen gets to her brain, which is the 2013 version of vagus nerve syndrome.
This week's challenge has the models auditioning for a commercial, with comedian Reggie Watts playing the part of director and telling them to do all kinds of crazy stuff like kissing unicorn heads, getting doused in water, and sticking their hand in the mouth of a camel costume. Kelly and Reggie are looking for who commits, is professional, and is believable…in their unicorn kissing. Renee is tripped up by her fear of giant animal costumes, and though Kelly tells us that there's no time on set to deal with someone's irrational phobias, Renee pushes through it and does okay. It's Alex and Jourdan, however, who excel at the challenge and Jourdan is named the winner. No one else is particularly excited about that, as you can imagine.
Back at home, Chris is disgusted at how slovenly his model roommates are. He starts cleaning the dishes, then gets mad at how the girls haven't cleaned anything and leaves dirty dishes for Renee and Alex with notes attached to them. He note for Renee calls her a ratchet ass, which does not go over so well. She tells Chris that he's nasty in his soul, and nobody likes him. Jourdan then pipes in to say that Chris has to have known love to have respect for others. Jeremy gets pissed at the Chris gang-up, and then asks Jourdan what she knows about love since she got married and divorced at 18. Madness ensues! Cory plays peacemaker between the guys and girls, with the very sane note to just do the damn dish and move on. Jourdan apologizes to Chris and Jeremy apologizes to Jourdan, and then they talk it out and hug. Renee, however, doesn't like Chris as a human being and refuses to be sorry for any of it.
The models head to a high school photo shoot that is all about showing off your flawsomeness, because differences are what make you awesome. Albino male supermodel Shaun Ross is there, along with Disney Channel star Zendaya. Cory gets a widow's peak and is told down his fierceness, Renee rocks a fivehead a la Tyra, Jourdan experiments with a unibrow in chemistry class, Chris has a hard time figuring out how to open his mouth to highlight a tooth gap, Don flexes his skinny legs, Jeremy gives duck lips, Marvin gets a mole plopped on his nose, Alex has big hips, and Nina just has to highlight her awesome flawsome huge eyes.
At panel, Alexandra's heart issue kicks into gear. She gets sick and has to go lay down while scores are being tabulated and the evictee is announced. And it's her who is eliminated for a second time! She's told by a producer while she's still laying down on some sort of cot, and seems a bit dizzily relieved about the whole thing and/or basically just wants to sleep. Once she recovers and realizes she missed a trip to Bali, she may be a bit more heartbroken about the situation.
Previously on Top Model: We learned that Alexandra was the eliminated model with the highest social media score, and thus would be returning to the competition. She fell to the ground in happy tears, and the other eliminated models expressed great distress. But then Tyra announced that one of the male models would be coming back as well, because the public is so hankering for an extended season of America's Model Cycle 20. Will it be Phil, the rugged wildcard? Sexy ice cream man Mike? Or Jeremy, the bodylicious virgin? And I mean, everyone who knows Jeremy is now going to call him a bodylicious virgin constantly, right? This show ruins lives, my own included.
We open with Mike, Jeremy and Phil standing before Tyra, all looking like they want to throw up. Tyra first reveals the model who has the lowest social media score and is not in the running. It's Mike, with a lowly 5.2. And he gave up his job on an ice cream truck for this! So then it's time to learn which dude gets to come back. And I was sure that this whole thing was designed to get Phil back into the competition because, you know, he's Phil. But nay! Phil had a social media score of 5.5, but Jeremy thoroughly trounces him with a score of 6.7. Cory is surprised and yet not surprised, because there are a lot of folks out there who get excited when Jeremy takes off his shirt. Tyra hugs Phil, who says he's okay with it all. He tells us that he has a lot of sad thoughts and words aren't working right now. At least he doesn't throw any bricks. So now he gets to go home to his girlfriend, who hopefully is VERY understanding.
Tyra congratulates the remaining NINE models, telling them that there's no more coming back so they better work. On the bus, Alexandra celebrates and Cory gives her a big hug. She tells us that her heart is beating a million miles a minute, but in a happy way this time (SPOILER ALERT). Jeremy tells the others that he had no doubt he'd be coming back, and Jourdan gives an eye roll. In the first place, one person coming back was enough. Two is excessive! And if she doesn't get to go to Bali she's going to be pissed. Even if she does get to go to Bali, I'm guessing she'll find a way to be pissed. Chris's best of week photo is displayed as digital art back at the house, and we are reminded that his mom told him every day that he was a failure. Wouldn't it be great if all the negligent parents of these contestants had to come and get a dressing down from Tyra in the panel room?
So, apparently when there was the boys versus girls in the world series of love argument last week, Renee said that if a guy got best photo she wouldn't talk for a week. Renee confirms in an interview that this is true, but given Chris's immaturity and stupidity, she has no intention of holding to that promise. Chris then proves that Renee is right about his stupidity by choosing Alex to share in the Tyra Suite with him. Normally I'd think this was a nice gesture, but if he wants to get some nookie from Nina and her little cat ears, this is poor strategy. Nina looks sad, and tells us that she and Chris have been a little more distant. She vows to focus on herself a bit more, just like Jiana before her. I feel like the girls on this show should be given some sort of pheromone blocker before moving into the house.
Poor Alex is twice as stressed as she was before, and tells us for the first of 600,000 times this episode how badly she wants to win. Alex doesn't want to complain or make excuses for anything, but apparently she has a condition where your heart rate gets so high that not enough oxygen goes to your brain. And then she gets foggy and people probably think she's just a dumb model but nay! It's an illness. In any case, the increased stress levels are obviously not going to be good for her over the course of this episode. At least she doesn't have retinitis pigmentosa! Buck up, says I.
Meanwhile, Jeremy tells the others that he feels good coming into the house, having gotten a lot of sleep during his elimination sojourn. Jourdan doesn't even care to respond to his physical health, saying that she's working her ass off in the competition so she deserves it when she wins. Jeremy asks if she's saying that he won't deserve it, and she just stares at him. If you'll recall, Jeremy once had a crush on Jourdan, but times have changed. He's realized that she's not his type. Jourdan is fine with that, since Jeremy drives her bananas. Marvin is a super happy observer of this situation, since an annoyed Jourdan is a Jourdan who may not win every challenge. Woo!
Jourdan goes to the Guess closet to commiserate with Alexandra, saying that Jeremy annoys the life out of her. She tells us that his personality triggers things from her past, which somehow has something to do with her short-lived marriage. Whatever it is, she wants him to back the heck off and probably also not stand in such close proximity to her with a little bit of drool in the corner of his mouth.
The morning, the models head to Siren studios, where they'll be auditioning for a commercial for Quaff water, which unsurprisingly is a product that does not really exist. Kelly is there, and tells them they'll be working with a green screen, which allows the editors in post to put in anything, like a giant boner chasing Marvin around. The contestants go to wardrobe, then we see Alex emerge back on set in what appears to be yellow footie pajamas. She seems happy enough, and Kelly introduces her to the spot's director, named Vincent St. George. He is a big guy with a French accent wearing a skirt, and tells Alex to lay down on set. Alex reminds us that one person will be cut before going to Bali, and says that she's feeling the pressure. Vincent -- who is really comedian Reggie Watts -- tells Alex to act like a nymph, and gives her a series of increasingly silly direction. This is all a challenge to see how dumb the models are, and also how willing to commit to stupid shit that people make you do and still sell a product. Alex has to reach into a stuffed camel's head and find a key, then give sweet kisses to a unicorn and get doused with a hose. Kelly tells us that Alexandra totally nailed it, and convincingly played a delighted water nymph.
Chris is , and Kelly says that he looked really bizarre and isn't aware of how to use small body movements to get a big result. It's true that his limbs are sort of flailing everywhere, and the yellow footie pajamas make him look an awful lot like a baby chicken. Kelly tells us that Chris's performance was almost like a parody of a sexy fashion ad instead of a sexy fashion ad. So…there is a stuffed unicorn head involved here. They're supposed to take this shit seriously? Jourdan is , and tells us she was fearless and did what she was told. Reggie agrees, saying Jourdan was cool and very professional from the moment she stepped on set. Cory is and willingly kisses the unicorn as told, saying to us that Vincent is very "artistic."
We get a quick clip of Don doing a somersault into a kiddie pool, Marvin making sweet love to the unicorn head, and Nina scampering around. Renee is , and approaches the set looking tentative. It turns out that she doesn't like "stuff in suits" or things disguised as something else. How does she ever get through Halloween? Or a trip to Disneyland? She looks at the giant camel with great trepidation, and Kelly suggests naming it after her mother to take some of the edge off. This, however, only makes things worse. Kelly says she wants to be nice since Renee is so terrified, but also nobody wants to deal with that shit on set. Renee eventually tells herself to shut the fuck up, and works through the fear. Reggie says that she did her best and he was happy with it. Renee actually has tears in her eyes as she tells us that she's proud of herself. Triumph of the spirit!
All the models come together for their evaluation, and Kelly reveals that Vincent is actually comedian Reggie Watts. I don't think they were actually really fooled. Kelly explains that they're being judged on three things: commitment, professionalism, and believability. Chris tells us his big takeaway from the whole thing is that you have to follow instructions no matter what, because if this is your chosen career path a brain of your own is irrelevant. Alex and Jourdan get singled out for kudos. Reggie says that Alex came on set and was relaxed, while Jourdan was a well-rounded presence. And Jourdan wins! I used an exclamation point there, but the other models have whatever the opposite of an exclamation point is on their faces, for obvious reasons.
Back at the house the scores are posted. Jourdan was tops with a 9; Alex, Don and Nina all get 8s; Marvin and Renee got 7s; and Chris and Cory rounded out the bottom with 6s. Chris is frustrated and aggravated, as is Alex as she watches Jourdan rifle through her basket full of prizes. Renee is also not thrilled about her challenge score, and so the air is rife with tension. We then see Chris holding up a big garbage bag. He tells us that the house is disgusting and smells bad, so he starts having a go at the dishes. We see a note by the sink -- apparently unheeded -- instructing fellow housemates not to leave dirty dishes in the sink. Marvin helps out as Chris notes that not one dish in the sink is his. He points out a gross smoothie glass that belongs to Alex, and a salad bowl still full of food (and, oddly, a can opener) that can be attributed to Renee. He leaves a little pile on the counter for them with a note that asks them to please wash their dishes. This is a bit more sophisticated than writing "Clean Your Shit" in someone's brownies, I'd say.
Oh but WAIT, then we see the note. So, Renee's salad bowl has a post-it on it that reads, "Renee rachet ass dirty dish from BBQ please wash." So, if I HAD included the word "ratchet" I would have spelled it right. But also I wouldn't have included the word "ratchet." Renee identifies Chris as the writer of the note, then tells him that she's not washing her dish, and in fact hopes that no one washes it. Chris tells her to take her nasty-ass dish into her room, and she asks if he's going to make her do it. He calls her a nasty ass, and she tells him that he's nasty in his heart, mind and soul. Nina looks distressed and says that Chris writing a note card is not an attack. Well, he did call her ratchet ass. I kind of don't blame her here.
Renee calls Chris a dick and says it's no wonder that nobody likes him. Chris claims that he entered the situation with respect and she's basically like, "Um…Ratchet." She continues that she doesn't respect him, and doesn't like him. Jourdan pipes in to say that you have to know what love is to have respect. And then for basically no reason, Jeremy has finally had enough of the verbal insults hurled at Chris and decides to engage. Really, he just wants an excuse to stick it to Jourdan. He asks how she knows what love is when she got divorced at nineteen. At this point even Alex is like, "WHOA," and the whole thing erupts into chaos. We see Jourdan standing on a chair and yelling at the dudes, and Chris says she was like a shark who smelled blood. And again, I can't really blame her for being pissed. I'm sticking with the ladies on this one!
It is widely understood that Jourdan is the most pissed that she has ever been, and meanwhile Chris complains that ladies always get to play the victim but HE wants to be able to play the victim, too. As the girls and boys go off to their various corners, Jeremy says that he'll defend anyone who needs defending, while someone tells him that all he did was make matters worse. Cory plays peacemaker, telling Jourdan that just as she feels that she needs an apology, Chris is probably feeling the same way. As Cory says, if the fight is about the dish, you just do the damn dish and move on. And then Jourdan actually does go up to Chris and apologize for what she said, adding that she was wrong. Jeremy pipes in to apologize to Jourdan, because he is a twit. Basically, everyone admits that they were an asshole, and then Jourdan and Chris hug. Chris feels good that for once he isn't the only jerk in the room. Renee, meanwhile, isn't about to apologize to damn anyone. She doesn't like Chris as a human being and says he's mean to everyone. Even though she knows she was wrong for saying some of the things she said, she doesn't think she was wrong for standing up for herself. At least nobody punched anybody in the nuts?
The contestants then head to a high school for their photo shoot. Tyra is there, along with Johnny. She asks the models if they know what flawsome means, and Jeremy eagerly explains that you + your flaws + awesome = flawsome. Is that what passes for Algebra these days? Flawsomeness, says Tyra, is very close to her heart, being a person who is particularly fond of non-words. Also, she grew up with a very large forehead that she was able to make into an asset. Ditto with Cindy Crawford and her mole and Lara Stone with her tooth gap. For the shoot, each model will get a flawsome flaw. And they won't be posing alone! Albino male supermodel Shaun Ross is on hand, and Cory is floored to be working with his flawsome self.
Tyra starts teaching the models some flawsome tips, but says something is missing. And then model/actress Zendaya is there. Because Marvin watches, like, Nickelodeon Teen or whatever channel she's on, he's a big fan. And…what exactly is her flaw? She's just totally cute. Marvin has a boner just at the thought of posing on a cafeteria table with her. Tyra gives a pep talk about how the models are the coolest kids on campus BECAUSE of their differences, which are painted on and thus deeply felt. Zendaya gets freckles and Tyra asks if she was ever made fun of for anything growing up. Zendaya says she was super skinny, which is sort of a non-flaw.
Sarah Silver is the photographer for the day, and Cory is determined to impress her with his widow's peak flawsomeness. Johnny tells us that Cory is definitely progressing, but both he and Sarah agree that he needs to tone it down with the fierceness. He and Shaun pose with a boom box between them as Zendaya works her freckles. Meanwhile, Renee is being made up with a fivehead, and is thrilled that she gets a Tyra flaw. Chris looks on and says that Renee's real flaw is her loud, obnoxious mouth. Renee pulls off the forehead quite well, and Sarah says that she was able to take direction and run with it.
Don is on set, and his flaw is skinny legs. In pink jeans! He tells us that all through high school his coach would call him Skinny Bones Jones. He's been working the chicken legs for his whole life, so says he can definitely do it for one more shoot. Chris is , posing against lockers with Shaun and Zendaya. Sarah tells us that he couldn't find the right balance between showing his teeth and not looking like a chipmunk. Basically, he appears like he has a drooling problem. Johnny tells him that he's overthinking it, and should know by now what to do. Also, his yellow hair matches the lockers. Nina looks on with concern, then admonishes herself for worrying about the guy who wouldn't even invite her into the Tyra Suite. Renee has no mixed feelings, and solidly hopes that Chris's ass gets sent home. She taps her fingers together and goes, "Mwah ha ha ha," saying that this situation has made her entire day.
Jeremy is up , and his flaw is duck lips. He's nervous, and Shaun tells him that if he overthinks, he'll go crazy. Johnny says that Jeremy had a chance to prove himself, but overall was a real letdown and didn't bring it. Marvin has a big nose mole as his flaw, and is worried about standing out between a supermodel and an actress. He seems to do okay, or at least we move on from him quickly. Meanwhile, Jeremy continues to annoy Jourdan by talking to her. Though everyone but Renee apologized after the dishes kerfluffle, she's still not really feeling Jeremy and Chris, and on top of that she has some sort of science experiment sitting on her desk that explodes all over her legs when Jeremy pops onto the sidelines. Her flaw is a unibrow, which she furrows plentifully. Johnny and Sarah tell her that she looks stiff, but Shaun tells her that she might be surprised at how beautiful her photo turns out to be.
Then there's Alex. Her flaw is big hips, and though she acts cheery when Tyra is around, she's quite nervous and feeling the stress of having to prove herself. She's got, like, the worst padding that you've ever seen on RuPaul's Drag Race, and though Sarah and Johnny tell her to be more casual and not so posey, she struggles. She says she wants this so bad, and Cory notes that it's become her new catchphrase. Nina is , and her flaw is big eyes. And that's something that's on her actual face! Sarah goes, "Wow, your eyes are huge." At first Nina looks possessed, but after a little bit of direction she starts knocking it out. And that's a wrap!
In the bus on the way home, Jourdan says she's disappointed in her shoot. She's concerned that she was once at the top but is slowly trickling downhill. Skull mail appears back at the house, with the news that someone will be eliminated before the Bali trip. Alexandra looks sort of green, and tells us she feels sick and dizzy and is concerned about going into panel not at her peak physical condition. Chris complains about the challenge of modeling with a gap tooth, and tells us that he's the ultimate underdog. Except that "underdog" has a connotation of likeability, which Chris unfortunately does not possess.
It's then time for panel! There are prizes, there are judges, there are social media scores. Cory is first up for evaluation, and Tyra tells him that he looks crazy amazing. Kelly isn't so into it, noting that Shaun and Zendaya are selling the clothes and asking what Cory makes you want to buy. Rob theorizes that he's a widow's peak salesman, and Bryanboy reports that Cory's social media scores have gone steadily up. He gets a 7 from Kelly, 8 from Rob, and 10 from Tyra. Jourdan is , and she gets mediocre reviews from Rob, who thinks she's posing too much, and Kelly, who says that her legs are flaccid. Tyra says that Jourdan missed the mark, and looks too studious. She gets 7s from Tyra and Rob and an 8 from Kelly.
Marvin is up with his big ol' mole. Kelly thinks that Marvin looks like a tough kid who will not be bullied, while Rob likes that his mouth position makes him look less like a goofy little kid. Tyra says that Marvin's face looks stunning, but he's not making interesting shapes with his body. He gets a 7 from Tyra and 8s from Kelly and Rob, and Bryanboy says that his social media scores have gone up from last week. Chris is up , and Rob's critique goes straight for his weird-ass mouth. Kelly likes it, but Tyra says that it's not a strong shot and he could have more interesting planes with a subtle body shift. Though Bryanboy thinks the photo isn't as good as last week's, Chris's fans still love him. He gets 7s from Tyra and Rob and a 9 from Kelly.
Don is up , and Rob says that he looks like a model and is going to sell his pink pants to someone. Kelly finds it middle of the road, but Tyra thinks that Don looks beautiful. She gives him a 10, while Rob gives him a 9 and Kelly gives him a 7. Jeremy and his duck lips are , and Rob criticizes him for having the same stiff straight-on look as always. But Tyra and Kelly both think that he did a great job. Jeremy gets a 6 from Rob, 8 from Kelly, and 9 from Tyra. Big-eyed Nina is , and Kelly loves everything about the shot. Rob and Tyra are blown away as well, and Tyra notes that it's extra special since she's working with her actual flaw. Nina is also the queen of social media, and gets 10s from Tyra and Rob and a 9 from Kelly.
And then there's Alex. Rob says that she isn't doing anything with her big hips, and Kelly adds that there's not much modeling happening. Tyra thinks that Zendaya looks really good, and Alex looks like her mom. Ouch. Social media brought Alex back into the competition, but they abandoned her this week. Bryanboy asks what's happened to Alex's spunk, and she says that she doesn't feel well at the moment, though she doesn't go into why other than saying that she's dizzy. She looks a little sweaty, too, as she gets 7s from all three judges.
Kelly thinks that Renee's photo looks better than she does in person, and it's the first time in the competition that she's been able to say that. Rob agrees that she looks amazing, and Tyra is thrilled that Renee is part of her five-head crew. The fans still are not on board with Renee, though. She gets a 10 from Kelly and 9s from Tyra and Rob. As Tyra gives her standard overview of how the scores will be tabulated, Alex looks increasingly ill and then squats to the floor. Eventually she walks off and we see her backstage kneeling on the floor and saying that she feels so freaking sick. She tells us that her heart is beating so fast, and everything's looking blurry. The last time her heart felt like this she was in the hospital for a week and a half, and lays down on a cot as the other contestants go through panel as usual.
Eight beautiful models stand before Tyra now. It should be nine, but of course Alex is ill. She's still in the running, though, and can still be eliminated. Nina is called first, with a fan vote of 6.9 and a total score of 43.9. She's going to Bali! Don is , with a fan vote of 6.1 and total of 40.1. He's going to Bali! Renee is , with a low fan vote but high overall score of 39.7. She's going to Bali! Jourdan is , with a fan vote of 6.1 and total of 37.1. She's going to Bali! The to be called is Cory, with a fan vote of 6 and total score of 37. He's going to Bali! Jeremy also stays in the competition with a fan vote of 5.7 and total of 35.7. He's going to Bali! Marvin is then called, with a fan vote of 5.7 and total score of 35.7. He's going to Bali, where he will have exotic boners!
Chris stands before Tyra, as does Alexandra…in spirit. Chris starts snotting right from his nose at the possibility of being eliminated. Tyra says that Alexandra is a beautiful, stunning girl, but the judges question her high-fashion ability. While all this is happening, Alex is laying down with her eyes closed and hopefully a heart that's slowing down a bit. Then there's Chris. He's delivered high fashion and has strong features, but his lack of consistency makes Tyra nervous. Chris apologizes for letting Tyra down. He needn't worry, though, since it's poor, ill Alexandra who is eliminated. She has a fan vote of 5.5 and a total of 34.5, while Chris has a fan vote of 5.8 and a total of 34.8. Chris is muchly relieved as Renee scowls. Tyra tells him that he's a really good model, but needs to work on his consistency. Still, he's going to Bali!
Backstage, executive producer Ken Mok pays Alex a visit to tell her that she's been eliminated. Tyra couldn't go back and do that herself? Alex tells us that the outcome is disappointing, but she's proud of herself regardless. The fans enjoyed her enough to bring her back, even if the judges still didn't care much for her. She wants to focus on feeling better, and says she'll go on to do awesome things regardless of whether or not she's in the competition. Those things just might not be modeling, and that's ok.
week: Bali! The contestants walk on an underwater runway, and Renee's crush on Marvin turns into thinking that he's a jackass.