We're down to the final eight, and Jourdan is riding high from her third best-of-week photo. She chooses Renee to share in the Tyra Suite with her on the grounds that you should keep your enemies closer, and the two engage in a passive-aggressive shade-throwing battle throughout the episode. Meanwhile, Marvin is through crying and ready for a return to form as he macks on Renee. Renee admits that she too has a little crush on Marvin, which leads me to believe that his saliva has some sort of mesmerizing powers when it is applied to your face directly by tongue.
For this week's challenge, the models meet with Alexis Borges from Model Management, who sends them on two castings each for Style Fashion Week LA. Both girls and guys have a go-see at Paulie Gibson, while for their second go-see the guys go to Civil Society and the girls head to XCVI. Jourdan fully expects to kill it, thinking that she has the best walk of the whole crew. But designer Paulie Gibson tells her that her walk is TOO great, which is code for "you're boring." She really hangs on to that quote during the analysis of her failures throughout the episode. Paulie Gibson chooses Cory, Nina, Phil, Don, Chirs and Renee, who he especially loves, to walk in his show.
Jourdan also doesn't fare well in the second casting at XCVI, as that designer also goes with Renee for her wow factor. While Jourdan cries and cries, everyone else is pleased to learn that she finally has shortcomings. Renee calls her a cracker with no salt, and Jourdan keeps muttering, "They told me my walk was TOO good," in disbelief. At Civil Society, Don, Chris and Phil get cast, and this leaves Marvin with zero shows to walk in too. He and Jourdan look bitter and confused on the sidelines while everyone else traipses down the runway for Style Fashion Week. Renee handily wins the challenge, adding to Jourdan's chagrin. Back at the house, Phil is mysteriously peeved with his relatively high challenge score of 8, which could have been higher if he hadn't awkwardly removed a jacket and then briefly dragged it on the runway. And then, in the dark cover of night, Renee climbs into Marvin's bed. He tells her he has a boner, which is a huge surprise to exactly no one. Renee later tells Cory that they slept together but didn't make out, and notes that she thinks of Marvin as a sexy pillow.
The week's photo takes place at Canyon Ranch, where the models lay in tall grass as they are photographed from above. Renee is scared of nature, but still does a pretty good job overall despite the fact that Jourdan terrorizes her with a frog after Renee mocks her super-dumb question of, "Are those real books?" The general consensus is that Phil has been sucking overall, and he doesn't do much better this time. While Chris wins the week (and garners an "OMFG" from Tyra), Phil lands in the bottom two with Marvin. Just when Marvin is so close to finally getting some! Phil goes home, leaving pretty much everyone to mumble, "It's about time."
But wait! Before Phil's tears even have a chance to dry, Tyra notifies him that he has a chance to come back in the competition…right now! Yes, the already-eliminated models are paraded out before the panel to learn whose social media scores were highest, and give them a spot back in the competition. In addition to the thrill of once again being a contender, the return-ee will get to go to Bali with the rest of the models for their big international trip. In a surprise to me at least, it's Alexandra who has the highest social media score and gets to return. Jiana looks particularly distraught at this news, and Phil is basically a hot mess this whole time. But wait! There's more! Tyra announces that they'll be bringing back one guy and one girl, which means that Mike, Jeremy and Phil still have one more chance. However, in a cliffhanger that will likely prevent you from getting on with your lives in the seven days, we'll have to wait a week to see if Phil's weave lives another day.
We enter with the remaining eight models riding home after panel, and wondering with great anticipation what will be on JourdanVision when they return home. Yes, Jourdan had the best photo of the week once again, making her the only model to have that distinction three times. She of course is feeling quite thrilled about the whole matter, which she should be, but also it's annoying. Ah, the conundrum of how to feel about an irritating person's success. Are they the asshole, or are you? It's a question for the ages. Meanwhile, some of the others can't believe that Jiana went home. Phil reminds us that it was one-tenth of a point that sent Jiana home instead of him. He of course had a special connection with her, and tells us that this competition has not been a breeze for him either. Marvin interviews that this was Phil's third week in the bottom two, and his aggression and attitude sometimes get the best of him. To wit, we get a flashback of Phil chucking a giant rock and breaking a fence on set. And who wants to deal with that, particularly when it's attached to history's scraggliest weave? (Yes, scragglier than that of Scarlett on Nashville, and yes, I am so excited that show is coming back this week!)
Phil notes that his social media score was a lowly four, and Renee theorizes that some of the eliminated contestants must have had really high scores. We are reminded that the heretofore booted contestants have been participating in all of the photo shoots, and still have a chance of coming back into the competition based on social media scores. And then talk turns to the fact that there are five guys and three girls remaining, with Don noting that even though the guys are ahead, Jourdan is "doing her thing" and pretty much dominating the competition. Once home, the models gawk at Jourdan's best-of-week photo displayed as digital art with a mixture of admiration and aggravation. Renee tells us that Jourdan did deserve the best photo of the week, but Renee herself came in second and also got a 10 from Tyra. But second place is the first loser, and so Renee intends to work her ass off and give Jourdan a run for her money. And, I would add, trash talk her a bunch while doing so.
And then, even though these two hate each other, Jourdan invites Renee to share in the Tyra Suite with her. Renee gives her a big hug, which might have been less enthusiastic had she heard Jourdan interviewing that she wasn't so impressed by Renee's pageant-girl (and may I add cross-eyed) photo at all. However, choosing her to share the Tyra Suite gives the opportunity for Jourdan to mention to Renee incredulously that this is her third best photo and thus rub it in. Also, says Jourdan, Renee is a bitch, but you've got to keep your friends close and enemies closer. I just wouldn't fall asleep too soundly, or drink anything that she didn't pour herself.
Meanwhile, Marvin feels sad about Jiana going home, but has made a little pact with himself to be less of an emotional wreck. He's cried everywhere in the house, he says, but now he's going to dry his leaky eyes and focus on what he's best at -- awkwardly macking on chicks. He invites Renee to climb up into his bunk and see the note Jeremy left him, which is the postmodern reality TV version of "Come up to my room and listen to records." Marvin says that he hasn't really flirted with Renee so much, and that she's one of the shyest girls he's ever met. However, he worked his magic on her during their commercial challenge, which of course means that he LICKED HER FACE. Renee interviews that Marvin is cute, but like 30 years younger than her and so immature. However, we see Renee in Marvin's bunk as he gives her a little thigh-stroking action. In case you hadn't realized, Marvin's hormones are constantly surging and Renee isn't helping matters by walking around so seductively in her flannel PJs and giant sweatshirt. What a temptress! Renee goes back to the Tyra Suite and confesses with an appropriate amount of shame that she kind of has the hots for Marvin. Jourdan tells her to go for it if she wants to, primarily because she wants Renee to get distracted from actually doing well in the competition. Also: the humiliation. Renee wonders what the hell is wrong with her and Jourdan responds, "…He's starvin'," which gives Renee a good excuse to hit her in the face with a pillow.
The day, the models head off to meet Rob and Model Management agency director Alexis Borges. Rob is signed with , and the winner of the competition will be as well. Alexis Borges might actually be a hobbit, but the models are impressed with him nonetheless. He tells them that it's great to have a fresh face and all, but the most important part of modeling is being able to book a job. So today the models will have an opportunity to land a spot in the show of Style Fashion Week, which is happening that night. Each model will go to two castings: everyone will walk for designer Paulie Gibson, then the girls will go to XCVI while the guys go to Civil Society. Alexis tells the models not to be shy, and to show their personalities. They'll be scored on their castings, and the model who books the most jobs and does the best on the runway will win the challenge and clothes from the designers.
Nina is the first to arrive at Paulie Gibson, and Paulie greets her along with a table full of three associates, one of whom seems to be a Lea Delaria impersonator. Nina is bubbly and cute, which leaves a favorable impression on Paulie right away. We see Cory, Don, and Chris walk, and then Marvin struts in. He says (with something of a lack of self awareness) that he comes off really good in terms of his personality, though he's never done a casting before. Paulie thinks that Marvin is a handsome, square-jawed guy, but was a bit too unassuming. You have to blow people away, he says, or they won't be on board. Lea Delaria hands Marvin back his book with a curt thanks. Lea then asks Phil to take off both his cap and his shirt, and Phil warns them about the rattiness of his Jesus weave, which he still hasn't figured out how to handle. Phil wants to overcompensate for his weave by showing off the non-rock-throwing side of his personality, and does manage to make Paulie laugh.
And then we see all three ladies sitting on the couch, and Jourdan crying with a caption reading "Total shows booked: 0 of 2" beneath her. Renee asks if she's okay, and Jourdan says that she is NOT okay. In fact she's TOO not okay, and is having a panic attack. She cries to the camera that she's really disappointed in herself because runway is her thing, and she wasn't expecting not to book any shows. Nina looks vaguely concerned sitting to Jourdan, but interviews that this is a competition, so it's actually kind of refreshing to see the top dog hit a real low point. Jourdan fears that if she doesn't kill the photo shoot she'll be sent home, and with this hopeful promise we head to commercials.
When we return, Renee tells us that she'd be having a panic attack, too, if she hadn't booked any shows. Which she did, so she's feeling great! Jourdan starts to complain about the feedback that her personality is too blank, and Renee interrupts to say that compared to the rest of them, whose personalities are around 100, she's a 10. That means that on a scale of 1 to 10, she's a 1. As Jourdan glares at her, Renee says that it's not as if she has NO personality, but the rest of them are all so loopy and interesting by comparison. In an interview, Renee further elaborates to say that Jourdan is like a cracker with no salt. She's not even a Saltine! She's just a "tine." Jourdan is still upset, but calls upon Tyra's profound advice to keep going through adversity. And then Nina reminds them that the guys are still in the competition, too, so they shouldn't get too wrapped up in an all-XX comparison.
Cut to the dudes meeting with Brad Schwartz, the creative director at Civil Society. He's looking for a guy who has a high confidence level and can handle himself on the runway. Brad notes that Cory and Don have a similar look, so probably only one of them will make it through. Then it's Marvin's turn. Phil tells us that Marvin has a great look, but he's only 20 and lacks some of the extra special something or attitude that designers are looking for. He speculates that you should go in looking and acting like a man, not some little bitch who smiles and is all friendly and cares if you like them. Yeah, don't be a jerk like that, you stupidly nice jerk. Brad notes that Phil, who can't constrain his lip, is a little bit of a wiseguy. It seems like it might be a bad thing, but ultimately Brad says that he kind of likes it. Phil is cast, along with Don and Chris. Brad tells Marvin that he has a great look, but needs more confidence. So Chris, Phil, Don and Renee are the big winners, having booked two shows apiece. Cory and Nina each booked one, and of course Marvin and Jourdan booked none.
Backstage at Style Fashion Week, those walking get made up as Marvin and Jourdan stand on the sidelines and look sad. Jourdan tells Alexis that she was nervous and held back, and didn't really show who she was. Alexis likes that she's being so honest about why she didn't book any shows, not realizing that her actual personality is even worse than the blank one she put on during castings. Renee feels a little bad that her secret crush Marvin didn't book any castings, but not that bad since she intends to WIN this challenge handily. We see Renee walk for XCVI, looking beautiful and poised and feeling like a star. Phil looks a little like he walked right out of Clan of the Cave Bear in his Civil Society duds, but some people might like that. Don looks hot per usual, and Alexis tells us that Chris was holding his jaw a little too tight to be attractive.
Nina is a little wobbly of head at Paulie Gibson, while Cory takes an extraterrestrial approach to the whole thing. Phil tells us that he's simple on the runway, liking to keep it clean and sexy. He gets thrown for a bit of a loop when Paulie asks him to take his jacket off at the end of the runway. Renee and Don both get complimentary reactions from Alexis and Rob, but then Alexis thinks it's a bit disrespectful to the designer when Phil crumples up his jacket in the process of taking it off and then drags it on the ground. At the end of the show, Paulie gives Renee a big hug, which has to be a good thing.
Backstage, the models line up in front of Alexis and Rob for their evaluations. Both of them thought that Renee did a great job and held her own. Phil is a striking guy and looks great, but the jacket thing was a problem. Don had a presence when he walked onto the runway and looked like a superstar. And the ultimate winner is…Renee! By far. Alexis is impressed with how she held her own. Jourdan is not so thrilled at this news, noting that Renee is emerging as a competitor.
Back at the house, the challenge scores are up. Renee is of course at the top of the pack with a 10, while Don is right behind her with a 9 and Phil, Cory and Chris all get 8s. Nina is in the middle with a 7, and Marvin and Jourdan each get 6s. Phil is for some reason greatly upset about his score of 8, and thinks that it's some cosmic joke that he had to deal with the jacket situation, which likely dinged him a point. He whacks a punching bag in his room, while Marvin wonders what's so bad about an 8, which is two points higher than his own score. And really, the core issue here is that Phil is kind of a baby.
And then there's Tyra Mail! "Fashion is a reflection of you." While someone theorizes that a funhouse will be involved, Renee tells us that she's proud of herself. And all she really wants now to celebrate her success is someone to cuddle with. And so, at 2:47 a.m., under the cover of darkness but not knowing or caring about the night vision cameras in the house, she sneaks into Marvin's room and climbs up to his bunk. When he deigns to speak to her, she tells him to shut up or she'll change her mind. But when he does speak again -- TO TELL HER THAT HE HAS A BONER -- she doesn't seem to protest all that much. He tries again with, "We got that condom," and Renee cracks up. Marvin then goes through the prodigious list of women on the show that he's liked, all of whom wound up going home. First there was Hailey, then Bianca, then Chlea, then Jiana. Now he likes Renee, and hopes that she -- his fifth choice -- doesn't realize the Marvin Curse before banging him.
With that, it's photo shoot time! The models head to Canyon Ranch, where Phil hopefully won't have an opportunity to break another fence. Johnny meets them there, saying that they'll be making good use of Canyon Ranch's lush green fields for their photos today. They'll pose horizontally in the grass while wearing beautiful, magical couture and being shot from above. Renee's first reaction is that she's allergic to ants, and that the powers that be have no business putting her out in nature. While the models are fully outfitted but just hanging out before the shoot, Renee confesses to Cory that she slept with Marvin. Cory is quite surprised that lovely, elegant, biting Renee would be the one to fall for Starvin' Marvin, and asks if the two of them made out. Renee is incensed at that question, saying fuck no, and calling Marvin a sexy pillow. There's a voiceover of her saying that she can't focus on anything else, but I feel certain that she wasn't actually talking about Marvin in that one.
Nina is up first to shoot, and photographer Matthew Jordan Smith tells her that she looks amazing. And, I would add, like a wood nymph of some sort, or maybe redheaded Smurfette. Nina takes a few seconds to understand the concept of the camera being above her, but once she gets it, Johnny and Matthew seem impressed by what she's doing. Don looks sexy with his white-blonde hair, but is struggling to pose while laying flat on his back. Johnny tells Cory to bring the thunder, I guess to go along with his lighting bolt hair. Johnny wants him to think whimsical and enchanting, though it seems to me that Cory's giving more straight-on fierce.
There are various items spread around the models on the grass, prompting Jourdan to ask the question, "Are those real books?" Renee glares at her and notes that she's making this ("this" being dumb blonde/model/human jokes, I presume) much too easy. And then, spying a poor little green frog who was just trying to get some reading done, Jourdan concocts a plan to get revenge on Renee. She grabs the frog, who REALLY was just minding his own business and probably isn't even interested in fashion, and goes running toward Renee. Renee is all, "Don't make me slap you," though part of me thinks she really wants Jourdan to incite some sort of light physical violence. Jourdan is annoyed when girls are squeamish about bugs and animals, but delighted when Renee screams like one of Freddy Kreuger's victims as the frog hops on her dress. Renee gives Jourdan a shove, and Jourdan cackles. Renee is not amused, noting that revenge is a bitch, and bitch is an understatement when it comes to her. Well, at least she's comfortable with her place in this world and edit on this show.
Her recent scare does not prevent Renee from giving advice to Phil, specifically that he needs to look more masculine, as the judges have told him. Nina interviews that she loves Phil, but he's been sucking, and needs to do quite a bit better than barely getting by if he's going to stay in the competition. Matthew tells Phil to muster up the same energy he'd give on the runway, and both Phil and Johnny want him to look less dead and give more intensity. Johnny theorizes that Phil is holding back since he's so scared of being eliminated, and wishes he'd just snap out of it.
Renee is then ready to shoot a good photo and knock Jourdan off of her pedestal, where she's been chilling for some time. Jourdan in turn thinks that Renee is getting a little cocky and turning into a diva, which is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really annoying. Spoken like one who knows what it's like to be really annoying! When Renee is through shooting, Johnny tells her that they got some beautiful moments. Then it's Jourdan's turn to shoot. First she is forced to tell Johnny that she didn't book any runway shows in the challenge, adding that they said her walk was too good. Matthew looks confused, turns to Johnny and asks, "Is that possible?" Marvin and Chris look on and laugh. Jourdan interviews that she's actually a crazy, wild girl, but the stress is what tones down her personality. The fact that she doesn't seem to comprehend what anyone is asking for in a personality bodes poorly for chances of her actually getting an interesting one anytime soon. Jourdan seems to do a lovely job in her shoot, though, and her legs sure look great. Cory tells us that the judges have high expectations from Jourdan, so one little slip up could result in her going home. And that would be delightful to him, as well as the rest of the nation.
Chris is , and Johnny says that he's the kind who gets in front of a camera and looks like a superstar. It also helps that in those moments he's not actually talking. He's wearing a chainmail shirt, and when Johnny tells him that he looks hot, Chris says, "You're not so bad yourself." Johnny confirms that he has a boyfriend while Marvin looks scandalized. Chris kills it, and Johnny tells us that he's learning to understand his angles. Then there's Marvin. First of all, his outfit. And then there's the bright red hair. He basically looks like Liberace and Howdy Doody's love child. Johnny wants Marvin to be more macho, which has to be a challenge in this getup, and is frustrated that Marvin is overthinking every movement and not listening well to direction. And that's a wrap!
Back at the house, the models sit around and Marvin notes that it would be crazy if the ladies were eliminated and this became an all-male cycle. Renee looks perturbed, and says that that's not going to happen. The modeling industry is a woman's industry, she says, and a woman is going to win this. Phil wonders why Tyra would then even flirt with the idea of having dudes on the show. Marvin says that no offense, but the guys are still dominating. But not at getting the ladies to bone them! Marvin actually has negative game, I think. Phil gets heated, saying that the modeling world is for women to dominate, but this competition is not. Renee counters that the three strongest bitches are still in the competition, and the dudes better watch the fuck out. Chris pipes in to say that Renee won a challenge and now thinks that she's hot shit, and in this moment even his archnemesis Marvin is feeling him. Chris then goes on to say that Renee is lucky that she didn't win the challenge because she doesn't photograph well. Ouch. Renee leaves the circle of dudes, and likely will find a sexy pillow that's actually a pillow tonight.
And then we're at panel, where Tyra says that everyone looks fashionably perfect. There are prizes, there are judges, there is a scoring system. Nina is first for evaluation, and Rob tells her that she looks elegant and graceful, and is much more than just an edgy girl. Kelly is also blown away, and Tyra thinks it looks like a photo of a top girl working internationally. To add to the good news, Nina is the queen of social media this week, even besting Jourdan. Cut to Jourdan giving a fake half-smile as her eyes seethe. Nina gets 9s from Kelly and Rob and a 10 from Tyra.
Don is , and Kelly thinks there's something missing in his photo. Rob has been hounding Don about having the same face all the time, which turns him into a one-dimensional model. Social media seems to be into him, though. Don gets 7s from Kelly and Rob and an 8 from Tyra. Then there's Renee. She gets applause for being the challenge victor, and Rob tells her that she's found confidence in herself and he thinks her photo is amazing. Kelly isn't crazy about it, though, saying that her face looks strained. Tyra thinks that it may be a broken neck photo, but it's a fierce one. Renee gets a 7 from Kelly, 9 from Tyra, and 10 from Rob.
Then there's Jourdan. When she talks about the challenge, Kelly wonders how Jourdan can look like she does but not book a show. Jourdan says that the feedback was that her walk was TOO good, which makes Phil and Renee crack up in the background. Rob and Kelly laugh in turn, as they had never before encountered rejection feedback of precisely this nature. Jourdan cries as she says that she thought she did well in the casting, but was told that her personality was too bland. Tyra takes a moment to give a solid piece of analysis, which is that if a designer tells you that your walk is too good, it means too cookie-cutter. As for the personality thing, Tyra says that Jourdan stands out (or doesn't) as a typical model. So once she enters a context like fashion week, she's more run of the mill. It's up to her to have the personality that makes people want to book her. Despite her troubles in the challenge, Jourdan's photo is great. Kelly thinks that her face is quite striking, and Rob likes that she looks long, like a gazelle. Tyra isn't so into it, though, saying that the photo looks like a mature woman modeling, and also looks cheap. Ouch. Jourdan's social media scores are also falling, much to Renee's delight. Jourdan gets 9s from Kelly and Rob, but a scandalously low 6 from Tyra, who I think is just trying to scare her.
Rob likes that Cory is always selling what he's wearing, and says that he doesn't even have to be instructed to look manly anymore -- he just brings the testosterone. Kelly likes the face, but says that his body is oddly distorted. Tyra is mostly a fan of the photo, but thinks that Cory's neck looks thick and short. He gets 8s from Kelly and Tyra and a 9 from Rob. Then there's Phil. Rob tells him that he's turning into an ugly woman, and he doesn't understand why Phil won't listen to his weekly advice to man it up. Tyra wonders what's happening, and Phil has no answer. Kelly thinks that he just had a bad shot and is looking a little Johnny Knoxville, but thinks the face is beautiful. Phil gets a 7 from Kelly, 6 from Rob, and 5 from Tyra. Yikes.
Chris is , and Rob quite correctly tells him that the photo looks like something out of Twilight and the girls are going to love him. Kelly calls him King Vladimir the Viking, while Tyra drops an OMFG. Social media loves him too. Chris gets a 9 from Rob and 10s from Tyra and Kelly. Finally, there's Marvin. When he reports that he got no castings at the challenge, Tyra tells him that when he smiles he turns into a baby. She advises him to be a little more sullen and mysterious when trying to impress fashion types. And then hoo boy, his photo. It is SO goofy. TOO goofy, some might say. Rob thinks he looks like a little baby, or some sort of marionette. Kelly thinks it's very Howdy Doody-esque. And again, Marvin really did get the most crackerjacks wardrobe for this shoot. He gets 8s from Tyra and Kelly, and a 6 from Rob.
The scores are tabulated, and the models await their fates. Chris is the top scorer of the week, with a fan vote of 6.1 and total of 43.1, which burns Renee's biscuits a little. Nina is the runner up, blowing right past the Jourdan/Renee rivalry with a social media score of 7.6 and total of 42.6. Renee is called , with a fan vote of 5.3 and total of 41.3, followed by Cory with a fan vote of 5.5 and total of 38.5, Jourdan with a fan vote of 7.1 and total of 37.1, and Don with a fan vote of 5.9 ad total of 36.9. This leaves Marvin and Phil in the bottom two, and they stand before Tyra with arms wrapped around one another's shoulders. Tyra notes to Phil that this should feel familiar to him since it's his third time in the bottom. He has a personality to die for she says, but it doesn't translate into photos. And also they're tired of seeing his ratty weave in its poor condition. Then there's Marvin, a beautiful man with strong bone structure in photos, but a boy in person who may be too youthful to book anything. So who stays in the competition? It's Marvin, with a fan vote of 3.9 and a total score of 31.9. Phil, who has a fan vote of 4.3 and a total of 30.3, is eliminated.
Phil gives Marvin a big hug, and then starts weeping. He hugs Tyra, who tells him it's definitely not over. He can come back into the competition… right now! Cue shocked looks all around as the eliminated models come marching into the room. All of them look VERY sullen, leading me to wonder what the producers have been doing to them all this time. We get flashes of what the eliminated models did in their photo shoots these past few weeks, and Tyra reminds us that the model with the highest social media score will return to the competition AND get to go to Bali with the rest of the cast. Pack your bags, y'all, you're somebody significent! Tyra lived in Bali for two months, and is now obsessed with it, and wants to ruin the lives of many a Balinese person by thrusting these wannabe models upon them.
And then in a legit shocker, it's Alexandra who gets to return to the competition with a social media score of 7.0. She starts weeping and drops to the floor, as Phil and Jiana and Kanani start crying too. Tyra tells them that being rejected for the same thing twice is pretty disappointing. But one of their disappointments is going to end! This is a guys and girls cycle, says Tyra, and she just called a girl to return to the competition. So now either Mike, Phil or Jeremy will have an opportunity to return as well. But alas! We won't find out until week who it is
week: A dude returns, the group goes to Bali, and Renee and Chris throw down.
Potes wants to go to Bali, too, thanks. She can be tweeted @traciepotes or emailed at potesypotes@gmail.com.