We're down to the final four! Laura seems to have inherited some of Victoria's spirit and/or craziness as she gets very weepy about how much she misses her mom. She does not mention country cooking, but it's implied. The week's challenge has the girls going to the Half Moon Resort's equestrian center, which gives Laura a chance to wax poetic about her family's acres of land with stables and a pond. Happily, Kiara is there to remind us that nobody really wants to hear tales from rich people about how great it is to be rich.
Former Miss Jamaica Universe Yendi Phillips is on hand to judge the girls as they do a screen test for a Jamaica Tourist Board commercial. Each of the girls has to write a script about the wonders of Jamaica that is both factual and personal, and then deliver their lines while on horseback in the ocean. After being practically mauled and eaten alive and also molested by a dolphin last week, Leila has developed a newfound fear of animals and so is not thrilled by the horse component of this challenge. Laura loves it, though, having ridden horses since she was young. Even she finds it a little difficult to get through her lines while riding, but in the end pulls out a good take. Leila's fears turn out to be founded as her horse goes a little crazy and she freaks out. Eventually, though, she stops crying and turns in a decent take. Nastasia blanks on her lines while dealing with the feisty horse and is forced to improvise, while Kiara drops a whole series of F-bombs before nailing it. And though Laura has all of the horse experience, it is Kiara who wins the challenge and gets to be the face of a worldwide campaign for the Jamaica Tourist Board. Laura is displeased at Kiara's happiness, but all the pouting in the world can't diminish Kiara's cheer.
The week's photo shoot focuses on an ad for the America's Top Model fragrance, Dream Come True. This involves standing in the water with a giant perfume bottle, and trying to be not too innocent but not too sexy whilst also wearing a bikini. Nastasia puts in a bit of a middling performance, while Leila is worried that she's not commercial enough for this endeavor and spends a lot of time being very stiff and uncomfortable. Eventually, though, she warms up and gets some good shots. Laura is much too sexy, and can't seem to stop even when everyone including the client tells her that it's a problem. And Kiara cries a bunch to Bryanboy about how winning America's Top Model IS her dream come true, especially given her rough past. Her photo turns out to be rather lovely, and she claims the number one spot for the week. The judges are especially punchy with one another during this panel, and there is a lot of disagreement over the photos. Despite some differing opinions, Leila is also safe. Laura falls in the bottom two, but it is the lovely, lion-headed Nastasia who is sent packing and will miss out on appearing in the season's culminating fashion show: Ghost Brides: Asylum.
Previously: We all learned about how Tyra is terrified of getting banged by a dolphin. Also, Kristin bit it!
We enter in Montego Bay Jamaica, where the girls have some structured alone time designed to make it look like they have actual thoughts in their heads. Leila sits on a bench looking out at the water, while Laura wades in the ocean and Nastasia lets the breeze blow through her miraculous hair. Kiara tells us that it's coming down to the wire, and anyone could win -- that's what makes this such an intense and nervewracking experience. Also making the experience nervewracking is the fact that the producers really are trying to get someone killed by a marginally domesticated animal. Ratings bonanza! We get a series of sepia-toned montages -- one for each girl -- that put together the worst of their panel criticism from over the weeks. And then we get a sepia-toned montage of all the various conflicts and personal tragedies that have occurred. Laura was accused of being self-centered! A dolphin gave Leila a bruise! Nastasia had to stand fully clothed in a shower! Kiara was a real-ass bitch! Ah, halcyon days, the best of times.
The ladies head home to find Leila's best of week photo displayed as digital art. Leila tells us that she's quite sad that Kristin went home, before more or less yelling, "Psych!" and telling us that she's actually super happy that the witch is dead, ding dong, etc. Kristin of course terrorized Leila to the best of her abilities, and Leila now realizes that all of the "It Gets Better" videos were true. Laura tells us that panel was stressful, what with the being in the bottom two and all, and she gets extra stressed thinking about her family and home. I thought stress was an unknown concept in the small town of Happyville, where people spend all the time when they would be stressed bragging about having only one traffic light and watching Dynasty reruns. Nastasia tells us that she was born and raised in Harlem, and has been taught the value of working. She's prepared to fight for what she wants, and says that nothing is going to stop her. Well, we'll see about that, won't we?
Leila asks Kiara to join her in the Tyra Suite, because that's what you do with your one half-friend. Leila calls herself the comeback girl, and tells us that it would mean everything to her to make it a few more weeks and win the whole shebang. Of course, winning the competition also means a lot to Kiara. During her crappy youth, Kiara's very sweet-looking grandma told her that there was light at the end of the tunnel. She knows for a fact that this is her light. I mean, yes, there are lights. You're doing photo shoots, after all! I worry that all the flashbulbs have gotten Kiara a wee bit confused. At least she doesn't think she's entering the heavenly kingdom.
And then it would appear is if a little bit of Victoria's spirit got lifted in the wind and blown into Laura's pores (maybe that's what the blotchy chest was all about?), because she calls her mom and starts having a wee breakdown. Laura cries as her mom tells her to calm down because the whole thing is almost finished. She misses her mom a lot, and says that every time they talk her mom sounds like she's trying to be happy, but in reality misses Laura a whole bunch. She does not mention country cooking, but I'm sure it's not far from her mind. Laura is looking forward to seeing her family, and also taking a nap. Her mother manages to creak out a few motivational words amidst her choked sobs (just kidding, she sounds totally fine), and says that Laura is doing her best, and is strong. Laura knows that she's losing it, and that she needs to take pains not to crack one week before the end. After all, no one wants to be the new Victoria! Except for the Siamese ballet part.
For their challenge, the girls head to the equestrian center at the Half Moon Resort. This reminds Laura of home. She grew up riding horses, and notes that her family has "all this acres" and stables and ponds and a little riding area. Cut to Kiara, who says, "We have acres? You have a pond? Do YOU have a pond? I don't have a pond." I must admit that I do not have a pond either. Having all that land is okay if you're a poor farmer just trying to eke out a living with your sustainable kale crop, but if you're the child of a soap opera actor living off of 1980s residuals, the rest of us are allowed to baldly resent you.
Rob is there, and he introduces the girls to Yendi Phillips, former Miss Jamaica Universe. She is representing the Jamaica Tourist Board, which is sponsoring this challenge. The girls will have the opportunity to be in a commercial advertising Jamaica as a vacation destination. They'll have to write their own scripts, including about fifteen seconds of dialogue. Then they'll have to do a screen test on the beach, and deliver their lines while on horseback, in the ocean. What if a dolphin bangs both a model AND a horse? That is illegal in at least 13 states, yet still manages to claim a corner of the fetish porn market. The girls get only thirty minutes to write their scripts before heading over to climb atop their new equine friends. Leila tells us that she's not scared of horses, but then again she wasn't scared of dolphins before one almost bit off her whole entire leg. As she says that horses are big strong creatures that can take you out, she swallows awfully hard. I'm sure that will just make the horses even more nervous! Horses hate saliva! The model with the best overall script and delivery will get to shoot a worldwide commercial campaign for the Jamaica Tourist Board, and also get $10,000 in the scholarship bank.
The script-writing begins, and Kiara is feeling confident about her abilities in public speaking. She notes that Laura is very fortunate, with all of her acres and horses and ponds. However Kiara is an athlete, and is ready to take the bitch down. She's not about to be rolled over by a one-percenter. Meanwhile, Laura wants to prove that she's not riding on her parents' financial success. She had a job in a café when she was fourteen, and wouldn't do anything like mention her parents constantly on a reality show to get attention. With the half-hour of script writing over, Yendi tells us a bit of what they'll be looking for in this challenge -- they want the girls to highlight information on Jamaica, but also give the whole thing a personal touch. Laura is up first, and even for a horse-lover such as herself, delivering lines while riding proves to be a bit of a challenge. She talks about how Jamaica is diverse and affordable, which makes it sound like the TJ Maxx of vacation destinations. She starts to go on about the unique experiences and attractions that Jamaica offers, but totally forgets her lines. Yendi and Rob both note how hard Laura is on herself, since it looks like she's about to cry. She still looks terrified on her second take, but does a much better job. Rob and Yendi high five, and Laura thinks she has it in the bag.
Leila is . She tells us that she got attacked by a dolphin -- attacked! -- and that horses are very scary. She's feeling the pressure not to get maimed by an animal. Leila starts to deliver her lines, but it turns out that her horse is feeling a wee bit persnickety. As it snorts and pulls its head and starts going faster, Leila starts crying because she's so scared. She wants someone to take the horse, and cries that she can't do this. Yendi tells her that she's okay, and tries to calm her down by pointing out that the trainer is right there beside her. In fairness, he doesn't seem to have done all that good of a job so far. Rob notes that Leila has everything going for her but is struggling with her confidence, and that's no good in the modeling industry. Leila takes a few breaths and settles down, and her second take actually looks to be pretty good. She mentions the highlight of her trip as being taught dance hall moves, which gets approval from Yendi. Rob and Yendi seem impressed in the end, and there were no animal-inflicted broken bones of anything.
we have Nastasia, who seems very happy with her little script. She's not so happy, however, when she gets on her horse and draws a complete blank. Crickets chirp as Nastasia is silent. Her horse is unimpressed as well, and starts to misbehave. After this, she just starts to improvise. The horse is still not in the mood for her, and even appears to be foaming at the mouth a little. As Rob notes that what she's saying about Jamaica is so generic that it could apply anywhere, Nastasia just says, "Kill me." A girl after my own heart.
Finally, there's Kiara. She's also nervous about being on the horse, but can take solace in how fly she looks in her bikini. She starts her dialogue just fine, but then gets a little freaked out by the horse and starts dropping f-bombs everywhere. The horse does not approve of this language and takes off at a bit of a trot. Rob also is not a fan of all the cursing, and tells us that she'd be in trouble if this were live TV. Kiara tries to calm herself, and despite the horse still being in a bad mood, she does a really fine job on her second take.
Rob and Yendi gather the girls up to give them their critiques. They quickly say that two girls were clearly at the top of the pack -- Laura and Kiara. They both got in a lot of facts about Jamaica, and also managed not to totally be thrown from a horse. The competition was tight, but in the end Kiara wins! She'll be the face of a worldwide campaign for the Jamaica Tourist Board, which seems like something that she's well-suited for. Laura is irritated at Kiara's happiness at winning the challenge, which she says is disrespectful toward the other girls. Since when has anybody on this show been respectful about anything, ever? Even the "Respeito" lecture was not respectful! Don't make me write it in your brownies! Kiara continues to celebrate, as Laura pouts and refuses to congratulate her. It's pretty hilarious. Kiara is hoping to twist the nail in even further by getting the best photo of the week as well.
Back at the house we see the challenge scores. Kiara is at the high end with a 9, while Laura gets an 8 and Nastasia and Leila both get 6s. Leila and Nastasia are concerned about their low scores, and Nastasia's plan is to pray on it. Kiara seems to have fully transferred to team Leila, as she gives her comfort about the fact that her social media scores will likely trump Nastasia's and tells her not to put negative vibes out into the world. And then the two have a really intimate-looking doggie-style hug on the bed in the Tyra Suite, while still in their bikinis. And really, what Top Model needs to revive itself is some more bi-curious shenanigans. Fingers crossed for Cycle 20!
And then it's time for Tyra mail featuring P'Trique. He's a one-season only thing, right? Bryanboy, too? Now, Rob I would take on an extended contract. It becomes clear that the girls will be doing their shoot for the Dream Come True fragrance, and there are in fact bottles of the fragrance there for them to enjoy. Huge thanks to reader Daniel who wrote me to point out someone -- it seems to be Leila but also could be Nastasia -- sniffing the bottle and saying, "Imma have to get used to this smell." Seriously, the greatest. Kiara is very into her own personal narrative, and tells us that this shoot means so much to her because of all that she's been through, and what it stands for, and what she went through to get to this point. To be the face of Dream Come True means a lot to her. Nastasia is concerned that she's on the chopping block, but she reads her Bible and hopes that a divine intervention will help her make up the three points that she's behind after the challenge.
The girls meet Johnny on the beach, and he confirms that they'll be shooting the official ad campaign for the Dream Come True fragrance. The winner of the entire show will have her photograph used in a Dream Come True campaign. Top Model favorite Jez Smith is the photographer for the day. He notes that this is a real client (kind of), and a real advertising job (kind of), and he wants nothing less than perfection (kind of). Hair and makeup happens, and then Jez introduces Ben Bennett, who is the founder and creative director of Hatch Beauty, the company that is eager to assault your olfactory senses with Dream Come True. Ben says that his expectations are high, and Kiara notes that he's there to do business and business only, and if you don't do business in turn, you fail.
Nastasia is up first, and asks Ben exactly what he's looking for. He says that he wants her to keep a youthfulness and energy in the eyes, and seem like she's telling a story about a dream coming true. Nastasia holds a giant bottle of perfume, but Ben says that she's losing her joy. We learn that Nastasia applied to ten different schools and got scholarships to all of them, but she's willing to throw that away to hold a giant perfume bottle on a Jamaican beach. And, hmmm. When I put it that way, it really does sound like a good decision, doesn't it? Jez tells us that Nastasia fit the environment perfectly, and has a gorgeous face. However, he's not sure that they got a magic shot.
Leila is up , and knows that she has to have a killer shoot to offset her low challenge scores. Laura points out that Leila is nervous because this shoot has a more commercial bent to it, and she is not a commercial model. However, the problem seems to be less that Leila looks high fashion, and more that she looks plain old sad. Jez and Johnny try to get her to smize, but she's so nervous that she can't let loose and relax. Leila admits that she let everything get to her, and got her head in it too much. She's having a feeling similar to that when she got eliminated, and so is scared. Eventually, though, Leila warms up a little bit and calms herself down. She imagines being America's Top Model, which kicks her right into dream come true mode. Jez tells us that he got some good shots of Leila, but she has to learn not to let her nerves get the better of her, and perform on command.
And then Bryanboy shows up. He asks Kiara what's going on in her head, and she tells him how important this competition is to her. She had a really tough early life, as we know, and this is her dream come true. Kiara starts crying as she says that she hasn't had any support form her mom, and nothing in her life has ever gone right. What about the basketball scholarship? That seems like a whole lot of right. Kiara is, at the heart of things, quite torn up about her mom, who has never come to a single one of her basketball games, or ever cooked a meal for her. Nothing was handed to her (LAURA) and she's had to fight for everything that she's accomplished. She's been through some stuff, and feels like she finally deserves for something good to come her way. I don't know that I'd argue that a rough life entitles you to win a competitive reality show, but I do think that it would be nice to see Kiara get all that scholarship money she's racked up during the challenges. Laura points out that no one else who happened to have functional relationships with their parents deserves to win this competition any less, and also don't hate her because she's rich and beautiful and stuff.
Kiara shoots her Dream Come True ad, and Johnny says that she really got comfortable and was able to convey a subtle sort of happiness. Laura notes that Kiara has stepped up her game, and actually names her as the biggest competition in the home stretch of the show. Kiara really has won a lot of challenges, which proves that she's good at something. Laura is , and says that she's dreamed since she was a little girl of being America's Top Model, but has always had a lot of insecurities. Some of those include her big feet and her height, and she worried quite a bit before coming into the competition about feeling awkward and gawky around all the other girls. Of course, though, Laura has a killer body. But in sad news, the way her hair and makeup is done makes her look like a total porn star. Seriously, she looks like Coco T. Jez directs her to be sensual rather than too sexy, but she's still a little too "suntan girl calendar" for Ben Bennett's taste. He tells her that what she's doing is beautiful for a sexy, sensual fragrance, but that's not what Dream Come True is. So stop looking like a ho! Kiara says that Laura should stop being so self-conscious about her body, because when you're a model you need to own it. Leila notes with some glee that Laura is getting nervous, and you can tell that the stress is getting to her. Johnny adds an additional voice to the choir, saying that Laura should be nervous because she didn't nail the shoot. Ben Bennett tells Laura directly that there will probably be many gorgeous shots of her, but they're probably not gorgeous shots for HIM. Laura chews on her fingers in fear, and that's a wrap!
Back at the house, there is Tyra Mail of Doom. Someone is going to get the big ole boot back to the continental U.S. Laura is making herself sick with the possibility of being sent home, and is frustrated that no one has had the decency to build her a time machine so she can go back two hours and get a better picture. Leila is not so confident either, but says that she's trying to keep calm and carry on. She doesn't want to be eliminated for a second time. The sudden Nastasia religious narrative continues as she tells us that she prays every night for God to help her become America's Top Model. If it doesn't happen she'll assume that it's not in God's plan, but also wish that God didn't have a plan that was so personally devastating. Kiara is the only one who feels pretty good going into panel, but says that this is like the fourth quarter in a basketball game -- it's not time for anyone to mess up. It's time to prove that you deserve to be there, and either win or go home. Kiara asks us to wish her luck. I don't think that's in God's plan, either.
With that, it's panel time! There are prizes, there are judges. Bryanboy has a new hairdo that makes him look exactly like a soccer mom going back to school for a master's degree in project management. The models are all wearing colored jeans and black tops, circa Flashdance. You know all about how the judging goes this year, with the scores and the social media. Leila is up first for critique, and is forced to tell the judges that she got a six on her challenge. It didn't feel like a six to her, but was a six nonetheless. Tyra says, "I heard it was kind of emotional for you," like being on the horse led Leila to discover her endometriosis or that she has been in foster care all along or something. Leila does admit that the horse spooked her, but she persevered and now has only the mildest of inner thigh bruises to commemorate her experience. In other news, I have to say that Leila is looking prettier than ever at this panel. Sometimes she looks so haggard and her hair is so bad, but this week everything is working.
Leila's photo gets mixed reviews. Kelly thinks that it's a little "sexy, haughty girl," and a little, "ba-bammy" for the target demographic. It might be appropriate for Calvin Klein, but is a little too sexy for this particular brand. Rob, however, disagrees and thinks that it fits the brand perfectly -- it's not too sexy, and not too over-posed. He adds that it's the first time he's seen her look at the camera with a lot of confidence. Kelly and Rob bicker about whether the picture is too sexy. He thinks that it will appeal to teens, like it's supposed to, but Kelly points out that no mother in her right mind wants her fourteen year old to look like that. This is a debate between a mom and a guy who probably still leers at hot fourteen year olds, so take that into consideration. Kelly says that if her daughter looked like that at the dinner table (and if your kid is wearing a bikini at the dinner table, there's a problem anyway), she'd send her to an all-girls school in Idaho. Tyra agrees that the brand is for younger girls, but says that while Leila is looking sexy, she's not TOO sexy, and that makes her aspirational. It might not make moms comfortable, but brands do it all the time. You know, sex -- even just a little bit! -- sells, and all that. And a few fans on social media pegged Leila as a no-neck monster. Her scores are pretty good despite the complaints from Kelly. She gets a 9 from Rob, and 8s from Kelly and Tyra.
Kiara is up net, and gets a big smile when Tyra notes that she won the challenge this week. Her photo is interesting, given that she's not looking at the camera at all and also appears to be wading in a purple ocean. Rob likes the photo, saying that it's not too sexy, shows a killer side profile, and looks like she's lost in thought rather than modeling. He adds that her body looks relaxed and not overly athletic. She nailed it. Kelly, who is a real crank this week, thinks that it's more wishing well than dream come true, and also like she's trying to summon a magical green mermaid. She wants to see more of what Kiara has gone through in her life expressed in her eyes. Bryanboy thinks that Kiara looks amazing, and social media fans agree. He adds that she seemed to have doubts in herself at the shoot. Kiara quickly corrects him, saying that she didn't have doubts, but just really wanted to do well. She adds that the shoot was very emotional due to what it symbolized for her -- her dreams coming true by winning America's Top Model. This is the girl who's stated that she's willing to kill somebody to win, after all. Her hand is in the water because she's trying to find the switchblade that she dropped. Tyra says that Kiara's soft, romantic, vulnerable look shocked the hell out of her in a really good way. Kiara gets a 9 from Rob and a 7 from Kelly, which causes Bryanboy and Rob to call her a hater. Kelly then threatens to rip the soccer mom wig off of Bryanboy's head, which makes him cross himself. I'd try garlic or a wooden stake. Tyra gives Kiara an 8. She says she would have given her a 9, but she's not sure if the shot actually makes a good ad.
Nastasia is , and has to admit that she totally blanked on her lines in the challenge. You know, scary horses and all. Bryanboy thinks that Nastasia totally represented what this shoot was all about in her photo, but some viewers disagreed with him and had issues with her face. A viewer named David likes the wonder in her eyes, but says that the picture didn't blow him away. Kelly likes it, however, probably because Nastasia looks the least trampy of them all. It's a commercial campaign, she says, and so it's a good thing that Nastasia looks commercial. It's aspirational, her face is forward, and it has a glow. She actually gives Nastasia a round of applause for not being a big hobag. Rob isn't so crazy about the shot, though, and says that it's too cutesy and childish, and that Nastasia fell flat. Tyra makes me feel very old by saying that America's Top Model's advertising audience is 18-34. This ad may be appropriate for Kelly's daughter, but sadly for Nastasia the fragrance is not for ten year olds. It's for teen girls who want to look and smell like hookers.
Finally we have Laura, and even Rob agrees that her photo is too sexy. He thinks that the goal was to be youthful, energetic, athletic, young and fun, whereas Laura looks like a straight-up porn star. Kelly thinks that it looks like a soap opera shot, proving that Laura's parental lineage is not always a plus, and not a fashion shot. She knows what Laura is capable of, and this falls short of the mark. Kelly tells Laura that she's losing her edge, which is certainly cause for concern. Laura's social media comments were a mixed bag, and Tyra says that she's so much better than this shot. She rested on a stereotype of what some young girls think modeling is, and at this point she should know better. Laura gets an 8 from Rob and 7s from Tyra and Kelly.
Four girls stand before Tyra, but she only has three photos in her hands. And you know what those photos represent -- the girls who are still in the running towards becoming America's Top Model. Kiara has the best photo of the week, with a fan vote of 6.005 and a total score of 39.0. Leila is called , with a fan vote of 6.110 and a total score of 37.1. Her poor challenge performance didn't hurt her so much after all. This leaves Nastasia and Laura in the bottom two. One of them is still in the running toward becoming America's Top Model, and will be the third finalist to join Kiara and Leila in the season's culminating fashion show. And it's going to be a doozy! It's a bonkers theatrical production with fashions from Amato Haute Couture. The whole thing looks to be very Ghost Brides: Asylum. Tyra notes that when the judges scores were added up this week, the models were all neck and neck. But then of course there are challenge scores and social media scores to contend with. So who will be our third finalist? It's Laura, just barely. She has a social media score of 5.836 and a total of 35.8, compared to Nastasia's social media score of 5.527 and total score of 35.5.
Laura is greatly relieved and cries with happiness, and also a whole lot of stress. Nastasia is crying too, and Tyra gives her grief for not doing better in her challenge. Kick her while she's down! Nastasia tells us that she's proud of herself, despite her tears. She's sad, but says that if this is how it was meant to work out, she accepts her fate. The experience alone was amazing, and Nastasia impressed herself with how far she got. She really is gorgeous and seems all around lovely -- I'm a little bummed that she didn't make it to the finals.
week: Kiara and Jez Smith have a smackdown, and someone bites it in the final runway show!
Potes has been listening to Patti Smith's "Horses" constantly since this episode aired. She can be tweeted @traciepotes or emailed at potesypotes@gmail.com.