Destiny's Trial

S19E04

Allow me to start with some breaking news: Victoria still misses her mom! She would totally take her mom in the Tyra Suite with her as prize for having best photo last week, but since that isn't possible she picks no one to share in her glory with her. No one! She is hard core, and also completely lacking social skills. In other breaking news, Kristin is a nasty hag and no one likes her. Except for me, upon occasion. There's a whole thing where Kristin goes into Destiny's purse without her permission, and the two get into a verbal altercation. Kristin berates Destiny and tries to goad her into getting physical, but it turns out that Destiny is more of a lover than a fighter. Nastasia thinks Destiny is kind of a punk for not defending herself, but I sort of give her credit for not engaging. While all this is going on, I think Victoria is locked up cozily in the Tyra Suite, luxuriating in her Snuggie or something.

This is acting challenge week, and our special thespian guest is none other than Tyler Perry. And he's not even dressed up as a fat old lady! Special times. For their challenge, each girl chooses a flag with one of four characters on it, and then they are instructed to go around harassing innocent pedestrians. The more of an idiot you are, the more points you get. I think Destiny does a serviceable job as a clueless tourist, but Tyler and Tyra give her only middling marks. Victoria is a delusional wannabe diva, with a British accent. That last part is totally an actorly choice. She is super crazy and actually goes after someone and tries to accost him with fried chicken. Please tell me I wasn't the only viewer mumbling, "Please don't let it be a black person. Please don't let it be a black person." In any case, that dude does not want chicken and actually throws it all over Victoria. She loves this, because she is a performance artist. In the end, Kiara wins for her portrayal of a delusional wannabe diva, which as we all know is a real stretch, and gets a walk-on part in a Tyler Perry film.

For this week's photo shoot, the girls go on the set of War of the Worlds and pose as zombies. There is serious flesh wound makeup, which you think would really suit Victoria. Despite being the most naturally zombie-esque, she's only so-so as a model. Laura continues her trend of solid consistency, and gets best photo of the week and the highest social media score in the competition thus far. Kristin comes on set with her typically nasty attitude, and Johnny is not feeling it. Per usual she is too pretty for her own good, and won't even make zombie noises when instructed to. I really thought Kristin was a goner, but she doesn't even land in the bottom two. Instead, Destiny and Yvonne face off. Yvonne isn't embracing her curves, while it appears that modeling just kind of stresses Destiny out. In the end, Yvonne gets at least one more week to complain about how everyone loves her ass, and Destiny is sent home, which for her at this point is apparently a street corner or something.

Previously: Social media mania! Do YOU trust you to judge even the least relevant of reality shows? And when are we going to see a fan video submitted by Janice Dickinson?

We enter with the models heading home to see Victoria's best-of-week photo displayed as digital art. She is really impressed that all the fans out there were willing to vote for someone with a different background and heritage. And yes, she means that she has "the Jewish" and "the Native American." Like a one-woman melting pot, that one! Always boiling over! Liberty University's newfound emphasis on cultural competence is clearly working! Victoria tells the other girls that when Tyra called her name, all she could think about was her mom. Allyssa looks at her like she's a crazy dingbat, and then interviews that Victoria is attached to her mom's [beep]. WHAT COULD THAT BEEP BE? I mean, one of two things, really. Technically three. Now, to continue to be attached to her mother's [beep] in private, Victoria totally would have chosen her mom to share the Tyra Suite with her. Since she's not there, however, Victoria is choosing...no one. Cold as ice! As Victoria starts to dig through the clothes and shoes and makeup in the Tyra Suite, Kiara tells us that she's unsurprised about Victoria's solo trip there, given the fact that she is balls-to-the-wall socially retarded. Go to real school, says Kiara, and you too can get the normalizing social skills that Victoria lacks!

Back in the kitchen, Leila fears that Victoria will make the rest of the models scrub the floor with toothbrushes or something. Or maybe she will make them braid her hair until they have repetitive stress injuries, all the while regaling them with stories about the Yahtzee tournaments she and her mom would have as part of her home school statistics class. Apparently the person in the Tyra Suite is also called the "president," which is something the whole crew must have thought better of in postproduction since we've heard nothing about it until now. We are reminded that Darian was sent home last week, which is sad because she was one of the girls who yelled a lot and stuff. Yvonne is happy that it's Darian who's gone, though, because this means she was spared and will live on for another week. She is grateful for the fans out there who pulled her through by the narrowest of margins, which is technically like one fan, and says that she's going to try her best to redeem herself this week.

By Potes

And then there's Kristin. Yvonne points out that if Kristin gets eliminated she has a good shot at coming back, given her hugely positive fan response. Kristin does not want to ride through on social media, though, and is frustrated that the judges keep harping on her for relying on pretty and not doing much actual modeling. She doesn't think that they have the same connection with her as they do with all of the other girls. Part of this might be her overwhelming countenance of stankness. Kiara addresses all of America to tell us in no uncertain terms that Kristin is a beautiful girl, but a nasty-ass person. The pressure is getting to her and she's starting to crack, which could be really fun to watch.

Or, actually, not really that fun. We see Kristin go into Destiny's bag to get a lighter without asking, and Destiny tells her not to do that. We are reminded that Kristin has been suspended from school in the past due to physical and verbal altercations. We then cut to the kitchen where the argument between Kristin and Destiny continues. It involves a lot of Kristin telling Destiny to shut the fuck up, and Destiny noting that Kristin is the same bitch that she said she was in high school. Kristin replies that Destiny doesn't know her, and isn't shit to her. And then Kristin starts yelling at Destiny to hit her. This is all part of her mastermind scheme to get the other girls disqualified. You didn't know she was a MENSA member, did you? The "Ask Marilyn" column in Parade magazine will now be run by Kristin. That's what a mastermind she is! As Destiny makes an awkward fist and appears to move toward Kristin (and a nation screams "do it!"), we cut to the opening credits.

When we return, Destiny totally does not hit Kristin. In response, Kristin tells her to shut up, and Nastasia starts to laugh. She thinks Destiny is kind of a punk for not defending herself and just letting Kristin talk to her however she wants. If Nastasia were in that situation, Kristin's new makeover bangs would be in her uterus right now. Destiny tells us that everybody thinks she's tough, but she's totally not. She's just a sensitive, gentle soul who's been through some fucked up shit. Her mom kicked her out when she was 14, and she says that being pushed to different foster homes really decreases a person's self-confidence. It sucks and it hurts, but you can't change it. Oh, don't you just want to give her a hug? In contrast, I wish that social media could actually punch Kristin in the throat on Destiny's behalf. Kristin yells that if she has to piss all the other bitches off to where they hit her and get kicked out, she will. Everyone wonders bemusedly why she's such a dumb-ass.

By Potes

The girls head to Santa Monica to meet Tyra, who reminds them that modeling is not just about being pretty -- you have to have a story behind the moves. In that way, it's kind of like acting. And yes, it's the acting challenge! Tyra has brought in special guest Tyler Perry to help them with the fine art of dressing up like an old lady. Tyler says that modeling and acting are very similar in that you have to convey to the audience that you are a specific person. And in the upcoming challenge, that specific person is "doofus." There are flags with four different possible characters on them -- tourist, rapper, street performer, and Hollywood diva. The more over the top they can be, says Tyra, the better. Tyler will be judging the challenge, and of course the scores will count in the overall ranking after the photo shoot. And there is quite a prize -- the girl who wins will receive a walk-on role in an inexplicably popular Tyler Perry film.

The girls head into hair, makeup and wardrobe, and get outfitted in all manner of crazy things. Kiara is thrilled with her role as a Hollywood diva, and Yvonne notes that it's not really all that much of a stretch. The girls all have earpieces attached so that Tyler and Tyra can give them direction, like a really cruel Cyrano. Yvonne gives a preview of her rapper character, named Chocolate Stain, to Tyler and Tyra, and they crack up. It turns out that Yvonne was in her high school production of Brigadoon or whatever, so is feeling pretty confident about this challenge. As we see Destiny in her confused and starstruck tourist garb, Tyler tells us that the most important thing the girls can do is commit to the character. Just like he does when he's a tall man playing a woman. Acting!

Destiny is first out, wandering the streets looking like a whack tourist. Tyler directs her to accost a young man who apparently looks a bit like Usher, which she does with great aplomb. She tries doing Usher moves, then tells him that he's rude for ignoring her. I think the real challenge of this challenge is not to get decked. Tyler says that Destiny was fearless, and gives her a 6. Oh boy, and then it's time for Victoria and her delusional wannabe diva character. So, Victoria has created a whole backstory for her diva, whose name is Rashada Bourgeois and who is a British-accented "charitable diva." With direction from Tyler and Tyra she sort of fumbles about yelling at people not to take her picture, and not to hit on her. And THEN she goes rogue and starts running after a guy and asking if he'd like some fried chicken. I wasn't the only one who wondered with dread if this was going to be a black guy, right? As we watch Tyra and Tyler look on with alarm and see Tyra hurriedly instructing Victoria to get away from the man she is accosting, we head to commercials.

When we return, we get to see the drama in all of its full glory, which is one second of the guy grabbing the chicken and throwing it at Victoria. That's what prompted Tyra and Tyler to instruct her to get away, but Victoria tells us that it was pretty cool to get that immediate response. Of somebody throwing chicken at you. This is because she's already probably a performance artist. She is unfazed by the chicken assault, and walks away muttering that it's so hard to be a celebrity. Tyra directs her to get down on the ground and yell, "Leave me alone!" which she does with no hesitation. For commitment and stoicism in the face of chicken violence, Tyler gives her an 8. Kiara is , also as a delusional wannabe diva. She is way more Kardashian about the whole thing, and approaches passersby on their phones to tell them not to call TMZ or US Weekly, whose phone number is 310-XXX-XXXX. She does a runway walk in the middle of the street, and both Tyler and Tyra appreciate just how crazy she was. We don't hear a score at this moment, but obviously it's a good one.

Then there's Kristin as a superstar rap artist. She tells us that it was very challenging to make raps up. Leila looks gorgeous, but her acting skills as a wannabe diva leave something to be desired. Though Tyra says she's tentative and fearful, Tyler still says he plans on giving her a 6 or 7. The same or greater score as Destiny! See, she's totally robbed. Laura is a free spirit street performer with a hula hoop and crown of roses. She gets an 8, I think mostly because everyone is impressed that she can hula hoop with her neck. Then there's Yvonne, aka Chocolate Stain. She not only finds it not particularly challenging to make raps up, but gets strangers to dance as she lays down some rhymes. Tyra and Tyler think that she's fantastic.

Tyler and Tyra meet with all the girls, and dole out praise for Kiara, Victoria and Yvonne. They say that it was hard to name a winner, and they had to get down to the nuances of the performance. And the model who wins a walk-on role in a Tyler Perry production is... Kiara! I bet she's sad that Darian isn't around to witness her victory. Yvonne is pissed off, especially since Kiara was playing the character of herself. Back at home the girls see their scores posted. Kiara actually got a 10 as opposed to Yvonne's 9, while Destiny, Leila and Nastasia circle the drain with 6s and a 5, respectively. Having already been in the bottom two, Destiny is feeling nervous. She knows she has to step it up and keep her head in the game. Remember how I thought she'd be top three, easy? I obviously know nothing about anything.

After a break, Yvonne calls her friend Brandon for some moral support and we get to revisit her bootylicious -- or as she sees it, bootysgusting -- photo from last week. Yvonne tells us that she had a lot of insecurity growing up, particularly around her weight. Now, however, her focus is not the fact that she's plus-sized. Nor is it her donkey booty. Well, then, start doing something good with your face!

The models head to Universal Studios, where they walk onto the postapocalyptic set of War of the Worlds. Johnny awaits them, along with photographer Ricky Middlesworth, and tells them that today they'll be working their bad sides as zombies. There is dark makeup and scary contact lenses and painted on flesh wounds. And then we get this from Victoria: "I have worn some prosthetics for some independent film work, but nothing this major." I mean, of course. Victoria notes that looking down at your own apparently decaying body is a little alarming, but worth it if it means someone on the Internets might make a complimentary video about you.

Speaking of Victoria, she's up first. She looks oddly vacant, but not in an effectively zombiefied way. Johnny tells us that she stayed with one thing, and needs to bring diversity to the shoot and keep moving. up is Nastasia, who has some Bride of Frankenstein meets a bonfire hair. Johnny and Ricky think that she's a little too pose-y, and remind her to stay tall. One of Nastasia's struggles, according to Johnny, is that she does photograph short, even though she's ostensibly tall enough to be a model. Laura is up , and even though she's from a small town with only one traffic light, it turns out that it's a small town overrun by zombies and so she does a really great job. Then there's Allyssa. Johnny tells us that she's beautiful and owns her curves, but can't seem to break out of the sexy Brazilian mode, even as a zombie. Hey, zombies have needs too! Basically, instead of looking like she wants to eat your brains, Allyssa looks like she wants to fuck your brains out. Only in this context is that a problem.

Bryanboy is on set to regale the girls with stories about how fans love him, and then it's time for Kristin to shoot. She walks up to Johnny and quite confusingly says that she can't show any emotion on the set. She'll have to show it through her eyes, she adds, since she can't smile and pretend to laugh at Johnny's lame jokes. That was one of the worst attempts at banter I've ever seen. Johnny tells us that Kristin needs to cool it with the bitchy attitude. He doesn't know if it's her shtick or not, but either way he's not into it. Kristin does her boringly pretty thing, and Johnny actually growls in an attempt to get her to growl in turn and show some ferocity. She remains silent and vacant. She tells Johnny that what she thinks is working in terms of being more than just pretty is obviously failing, and it's frustrating. He suggests that she switch things up and give the judges something unexpected. Backstage she continues to whine about it. Kiara once again addresses us to say that Kristin may look like an all-American sweetheart, but she is NOT SWEET. Rather, she is a spoiled brat who does not deserve to be there. I love how Kiara goes directly to the people!

We check in with Destiny, who is a little lightheaded in her very, very tight dress. She doesn't feel confident, which is a huge change I know. Brittany is to shoot, as sort of a '50s housewife zombie. Johnny and Ricky rave as she poses and generally seem to think she's doing a brilliant job. we have Kiara. Johnny asks her what kind of reviews she's getting from social media, and Kiara says that social media doesn't know how to handle here. That's... one way of thinking about it. Kiara reminds us that she's the oldest of seven kids, and says that she was abused for most of her life. She doesn't want this, she needs this. I don't know, she seems to be doing a great job already, what with the basketball and college scholarship. Johnny wants Kiara to work it and get the omnipresent social media to like her more, but she quickly starts to look like she's in a zombie music video for Zombie Diddy. Ziddy? And then there's Yvonne. She's got a big floofy dress and a hat with a bird on it, and really doesn't seem to know what she's doing. Laura doesn't think that Yvonne embraced her curves, despite the fact that the judges want her to own her big luscious booty. Johnny agrees that she didn't bring the body, and says that the shoot didn't work for him.

Then there's Leila. Basically, she's perfect as a scary zombie nurse. In that whole ensemble, she looks a little like Madonna -- flesh wounds included. Oh, and then there's Destiny. Saddest of all times. Destiny gets down on the ground because she thinks it will be different, but things don't go so well for her. She seems to have a distinct inability to do anything at all with her face. That is kind of a problem for a model. As Johnny tries to get her to have more intensity in her eyes, Brittany notes that Destiny's confidence or lack thereof is hindering her performances, which sucks given the fact that she actually has potential. And that's a wrap!

Back at the house, Kristin is totally mean even while reading the Tyra Mail of Doom! Leila adds to the chorus singing the non-praises of Kristin's meanness, and puts in another vote for her to go home. Yvonne is nervous even though she thinks that she did well on the photo shoot and had a good challenge performance. As Kristin espouses her view that growling would not have gotten her a better photo, Brittany tells Destiny that Kristin didn't do well at all. Destiny has a small glimmer of hope. She tells us that her lease was up when she left home, and she doesn't really have anywhere else to go. So, getting eliminated kind of effs up her life. As Destiny hopes for a kick-ass photo, followed by another kick-ass photo, we head to commercials.

When we return, it's panel time! There are prizes, there are judges. Bryanboy wears a tiny hat and actually gets to sit with the other judges this week. I guess he is starting to earn his keep. Leila's photo is first to be evaluated, and it is just great. Kelly likes her body position and eyes, and Rob says that it's a powerful shot. Tyra thinks that Leila has found the perfect balance between zombie and model, and Bryanboy recounts some very positive fan feedback. For scores, Leila gets a 7 from Kelly, a 9 from Rob, and a 9 from Tyra. As a bonus, we all get a shot of Leila's legs-for-days.

Kiara is , and Rob tells her that she looks more like she's in a music video than modeling. Oh boy, and then Kiara says that she had the exact same thought when the wardrobe people put the outfit on her. Blaming the creative team alert! Blaming the creative team alert! Does nobody learn anything after watching EIGHTEEN SEASONS of this show? Tyra tells her to stop making excuses. As a model, when you get an outfit that is, in her words, "a little bitty ho-ish," you have to think about how to break it and make it interesting, rather than just standing there like you're a second-rate Rihanna. Kelly says it looks like Kiara attacked Nicole Scherzinger (whose last name she doesn't actually really know) from the Pussycat Dolls and tried to take her place in the band. In other bad news, Kiara's social media scores are slipping. She gets 6s from all the judges, which is not great.

Then there's Brittany and her zombie housewife photo. Rob says that Hoovering the lawn doesn't really make sense to him, but he likes that she's using her accessory, and nothing in fashion makes sense, after all. Kelly also thinks that the shot is "fashion bam!" Tyra likes the psycho fashion zombie housewife element of the whole thing, but points out that Brittany didn't use her "bad" side -- that's the side with all the gaping flesh wounds on it. The shot would have been better had she turned it toward the camera a bit more. Bryanboy introduces a fan video featuring a guy who sports zombie contacts himself, who is very complimentary. Brittany gets a 9 from Rob and 8s from Kelly and Tyra. Tyra would have given a 10 had she seen some open, oozing sores. That is her general rule of thumb, you know.

Then there's Victoria. Meh. Kelly says that zombies enjoy carnal behavior, and Victoria looks a little too angelic in her photo. Rob thinks that she looks less like a zombie and more like a lady with open, oozing sores trying to catch a cab. Tyra agrees. Additionally, the eyes are dead (but not in a brains-eating zombie dead kind of way), and for being such a character actress/performance artist, Victoria didn't lose herself in the storyline. She gets 6s from all the judges, and an ET comparison from a fan.

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we have Nastasia, whose photo is crazy amazing according to Tyra. She appreciates the attitude in the micro-movements of Nastasia's body. Rob, however, still thinks that she comes across as small on camera. Nastasia swears that she actually is 5'9", and got measured three times -- including once by a doctor! Tyra is 5'10", and goes to stand by Nastasia for comparison. She definitely looks more than an inch taller. Overall, though, Tyra says it doesn't matter as long as the girls are fierce in their photos. That's because this has nothing to do with real modeling! We know, that's why none of us are worked up about it. Nastasia's social media score took a bit of a dip this week, so Bryanboy tells her to focus on elongating herself and she'll be fine. Nastasia gets a 6 from Kelly, a 7 from Rob, and a 9 from Tyra.

Yvonne looks like she died in a USO show in World War I, according to Kelly, and also looks like a stripper rather than a zombie. Oh, she does not. Rob says that she isn't giving zombie face, and in fact looks too pretty. That part is true. Tyra thinks that Yvonne is a character actress and also a really good model, but needs to learn how to mesh the two. The social media response to Yvonne is distinctly not good. She gets 5s from Kelly and Rob and a 6 from Tyra. At least no one specifically mentioned her butt!

Ten beautiful ladies stand before Tyra, but she only has nine photos in her hands. And those photos represent the ladies whose brains Tyra will not eat for lunch today. Social media scores have been added, and the official results are in. Laura gets the best photo of the week, and some exciting bonus news. With a fan vote of 7.5, Laura has the highest social media score ever -- as Tyra points out, higher than Kristin's has ever been. Kristin does not appear to enjoy that news! I guess Kiara's messages to the universe are finally getting through. Leila is called , and has a fan vote of 6.29. She's followed by Brittany with a fan vote of 5.27, Allyssa with a fan vote of 5.5, Kiara with a fan vote of 4.7, Nastasia with a fan vote of 5.4, Victoria with a fan vote of 5.2, and Kristin with a fan vote of 5.9.

This of course leaves Destiny and Yvonne in the bottom two. Yvonne is stunning, and has a lot of girls at home rooting for her and wishing they could have her fantastic body. It's important for Yvonne to represent that, and the judges feel that in her pictures she is failing to do so. Then there's Destiny. She just probably is not cut out to be a model. And so, even though her fan vote is slightly better at 5.0, Destiny winds up with a final score of 27.0 and is eliminated. Yvonne got a fan vote of 4.5, and a total score of 29.5, and really pulled through because of her high challenge score. So, I guess we can blame Tyler Perry for this too.

By Potes

Allyssa is , and Kelly thinks that her body and legs could be stronger in the way that she's working the dress. Rob isn't getting zombie from it, and says that if you took away the flesh wounds it would just be a pretty girl in a pretty dress. The camera loves Allyssa's face, says Tyra, but this is more "Mary Poppins after a car accident" than zombie. Bryanboy says that Allyssa's numbers are consistent, but she has to start using her gorgeous body. Allyssa gets 7s from Kelly and Rob and an 8 from Tyra.

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Tyra hugs a very sad Destiny, and tells her that she needs to practice, because she doesn't understand what she has. She's Bambi, with gorgeous long lashes and big beautiful eyes. For every photo shoot that she will continue to do, Tyra tells her to show the fans that she still deserves to be in the competition. Oh, I am at least relieved that she won't have to worry about finding a place to stay and food to eat for another month or so. Destiny says that she'll fight for the chance to come back, but is pretty unconvincing. That's understandable, though, given how much she feels like shit at the moment. She wishes that people had gotten to know her better, and voted for her instead of the stank bitch Kristin. Destiny is going to channel her pissed-off-ness into her photos, and try to come back, at least theoretically.

week: Cheerleading! Apparently Yvonne shows off her cooch, as she is want to do. The girls walk in a fashion show that somehow involves Alicia Keys, and Laura has a pretty hilarious looking mini-breakdown.

Potes is a little bitty ho-ish. You can tweet her @traciepotes or email potesypotes@gmail.com.