This week, drama between the girls takes center stage as we learn that the contestants are split into two factions. On the one side are the "real" girls: Alasia, Angelea, Anslee, and Krista. And… haven't all those bitches had huge, finger-waving, frozen veggie-baiting fights with each other in multiple combinations since the season began? On the other side are the "fake" girls: Jessica, Brenda, and Raina. You may recall that there's another contestant, Alexandra, who apparently is too boring for either group to claim. They scream at each other in the limo, in the kitchen, in their bedrooms, into the camera during confessionals. Basically it's kind of like watching an episode of The Real Housewives of New York.
The contestants head to their teach, and are late because Alasia's alarm didn't go off and she couldn't bear to leave the house without a shower. That is the story of me, every day, so I can't fault her for it. Miss J. and Ann Shoket take the girls to the Seventeen closet and give them a little lesson about dressing for their body types. Alasia fails to realize that having any boobs at all makes you "curvy" in the fashion industry. The girls all get to keep the clothes they chose to illustrate what they learned. Later, they have a challenge where they must get dressed up (for their body type!) and go to a fancy party for socialite slash entrepreneur slash CW reality star Tinsley Mortimer, who has a handbag collection. The girls are instructed to chat it up with the party guests and with Tinsley, to show off their personalities. This is a tall order for some. Alasia in particular looks gorgeous but shows a surprising lack of self-confidence, and gets very awkward. Tinsley tells her to stop being weird and touching her hair so much. In the end, fake girl Jessica manages to win yet another challenge and chooses fellow fake girls Brenda and Raina to partake in a photo shoot for Seventeen.
The photo shoot this week has the girls posing as "New York women" on a moving subway car -- they are given such personas as an actress, artist, fashionista, and model on a go-see. This last one is particularly unrealistic. There's a visit from last season's petite winner, Nicole, who dutifully shills for that smoky eye crayon that Cover Girl has been pushing. Angelea has had a confidence infusion, and her "fashionista" photo is named best of the week. Jessica's photo is okay, but her attitude at panel -- where she comes off as an ugly-shoe-defending know-it-all -- does not please the judges. She manages to squeak by, but with a lecture. Alasia is weird and giggly throughout her shoot, and Jay tells her she doesn't even have one good photo that he can show Tyra. She lands in the bottom two along with Brenda, who looks old and is just kind of annoying in general. Only one of these girls has been told by Andre Leon Talley that she can hang in his salon, and she's the one who makes it through to another week. Brenda is given the boot, and a ticket home where she can spend the three years growing out her haircut.
Previously on America's Top Model: The girls had to create some sparks with Mr. Nigel Barker, who was acting as a "shy model." Angelea did her patented Hammer dance, while Jessica was like a video on the dangers of sexual harassment. The girls worked the fake and the funk at their photo shoot, which was like a PSA on the dangers of buying designer knockoffs. Tatianna was something like a model knockoff herself, so was sent back to whatever dank basement where she drains bodies of their blood on a volunteer basis. Eight bitches remain!
We begin in the limo, where Angelea is excited to have had been called second for two weeks in a row. However, she wants a best-of-week photo. There's only one way to do this, she tells us: take these bitches out. Alasia also seems like she's pretty happy, though she tells us that growing up in the hood/ghetto/projects, she had a problem with her self-esteem. The stank always comes from pain, doesn't it? Alasia says she's gaining confidence in the competition. Being a model is her biggest dream, and she's not going to let anybody -- including herself -- stand in the way of that. Alasia is sometimes surprisingly wise. ALT totally tapped into that in week one, when he saw her arm dangling across the crack of her bare ass in a photo and wanted to hang her in his salon.
As Angelea continues to be excited as hell, Raina asks if it's weird for her to have another empty bed in her room. Angelea points out that it's not America's Top Models plural. There can only be one. Basically, she could give a fraction of two shits when someone goes home. Raina, with a little stink in her voice, says she wasn't asking if Angelea liked it or not, she was asking if it's weird. Angelea, with a little stink in her face, says no. Krista interviews that she, Angelea, Anslee, and Alasia are straightforward, and are "the realest people in the house." On the other side are "people who need each other." Ah, the fools who value human relationships! They will certainly perish in a nuclear apocalypse, creating a super-race of Amazonian creatures who will take a bitch out as soon as they ask her the time. Anyway, the opposing faction includes Brenda, Raina, and Jessica. Alexandra is not mentioned, and to be honest the first time I watched this episode I completely forgot that she existed until the photo shoot came around. That can't be good. Krista says, "We don't get along, y'all. The house is definitely, definitely divided." Jesus and Abraham Lincoln both foretold what would come of this, and it isn't pretty. Thank goodness there were no confessional booths in biblical times or during the Civil War. "General Grant is getting on my damn nerves! I'm about to pop him -- with a musket!"
Back at the house, Jessica sasses her way down the living room runway. She tells us she got best picture of the week again, which is a very cool feeling. Jessica sasses her way down the runway again, which really does seem kind of annoying. Angelea tells us, "Them bitches thought they was slick." To make it worse, Jessica thinks that she can do no wrong, apparently. This totally means that she will do wrong this episode, and get a smack-down from Tyra. In the kitchen, Angelea asks Raina and Brenda how it feels to be in the bottom. Well, that seems a little gratuitous. She gets no response and continues, "It don't feel good, do it?" They ignore her and, with a look on her face like she's smelling dookie of the damned, she says, "Yeah, y'all can ignore me with all that false confidence." Brenda confessionalizes that she's above Angelea, and Angelea's below her. It's Real Housewives of New York Kelly versus Bethenny all over again! What is it with catty bitches and their ranking systems? Brenda will be damned if she lets somebody like Angelea beat her in this competition. Well, then Brenda will be damned. Angelea, meanwhile, is pleased. She confessionalizes that it's fun to instigate catfights. All she has to do is say one word, and the catfightery begins. She plans to enjoy every minute of it.
Brenda folds her clothes and says to Raina that she'd rather be struggling in her photos and learning something new every week instead of "being known for the bitch." I don't know. I'd rather be known for the bitch, I think. Learning new things is for suckers. Raina says that something is going on in Angelea's life, or something has happened to her to make her so angry. Well, yeah, she's from Buffalo. Do we need to know more? Brenda replies that Angelea is just a bitch. She feels sorry for Angelea, but knows that her time will come, because everybody's been on the bottom. Meanwhile, Angelea is standing right outside of Brenda's closet as she says this. Raina might have said something about that while Brenda was bending over and blindly reorganizing. Angelea says she doesn't have to explain herself to anybody. AND she wasn't yelling at anyone, she was just being real. Raina and Brenda sarcastically thank Angelea for her realness. They have big smiles when they do it, and I think such a white girl maneuver throws Angelea off her game a bit. She turns to Raina and says, "You're very welcome. That's what I do best. Thank you. And Raina, that little false confidence you've been having -- 'Oh yes, I'm at the top, I'm at the top, I can do know wrong' - ahuuggggh. Pftt. Bitch, you did wrong. Stupid-ass bitch." Not exactly known for her subtlety, that one, but she does launch into a verbal attack with aplomb. Raina interviews that she'd like to have a relationship with all the girls in the house, but it's not in the cards with Angelea.
Later, Raina tells her roommates that Angelea thrives off of anger and fighting with people. Her roommates are apparently Jessica, Brenda and Alasia. Huh. So, really, Raina is talking to Jessica and Brenda, while Alaisa tries to write a letter or something. Alasia interviews that, being roommates with these girls, she has a wall in front of her at all times when she's with them. They're over there, and she's over here, she says, and as long as they don't step on her territory it's okay. Jessica kind of nods in the direction of Alasia and says to the others, "You know, I don't get along with so-and-so, but..." Brenda and Raina cackle, and Alasia says, "Y'all do realize I'm sitting in this room right now, right?" And really, that was maybe one of the stankest things that has happened yet, even in a house where people nearly come to fisticuffs about the proper refrigeration techniques for frozen vegetables. It's also sadly unsurprising how things are drawn along racial lines. I think Anslee is just tossed in with the "real girls" because she hates Brenda more than she hates the rest of them. Anyway, back in the bedroom, Jessica replies to Alasia with a giggle, "You said you didn't want to talk to us." Alasia points out that it's three against one right now, and Raina totally ignores her and then starts talking over her. And I know Alasia can be a nightmare, but at this moment she's just remaining calm and pointing out the facts in a way that is direct but not particularly confrontational. She interviews that she's not going to take to heart anything that the other girls say. She has to remember that this is a competition, and is going to keep her cool and be chill. We'll see how long that lasts. The scene ends with Alasia calmly saying, "Y'all just think y'all so fucking cooooooool."
Tyra Mail! "when u walk in, u might have a fit. Luv, Tyra." Raina predicts that it's going to be either runway or go-sees. The day, the girls get ready to head out on their adventure. Alasia steps into the shower and Raina, who is straightening her hair, tells her that she has about seven or eight minutes before they have to leave. Alasia interviews that she was running late, but refused to skip a shower. This is a woman after my own heart. I am pretty much always late, and it is often related to my obsessive need to bathe. I don't understand how people can get through the day without taking a shower in the morning. The girls get in the limo, as Alasia runs behind. Jessica interviews that Alasia is off in la-la land, per usual. She also appears to have some sort of hat-wig on her head. I am intrigued.
The girls head in to meet Miss J. and Ann Shoket. Miss J. is looking at his watch in an exaggerated fashion. Not good. He tells the girls that people are waiting for them and time is money. He asks the person responsible for it to 'fess up. Alasia quickly admits that it's her fault, and says her alarm didn't go off and she didn't want to skip a shower. He tells her to take her shower at night. I could go into the million reasons why that doesn't work, but it's probably beyond the scope of this recap. And yes, I know I have a problem and am in fact fine with it. Brenda interviews that Alasia's lateness is an example of the "18-year-old-ness" coming out.
With the late drama over, Miss J. introduces Ann Shoket, who lets out a rather tempered, "Hi ladieeeeeeeees!" She welcomes them to the Seventeen offices, and tells them that you never know when you're going to book your gig. In several of their cases we do know, and it involves an ice storm in Hades. [You never know. There are car shows in Des Moines totally looking for women who have had bad makeovers. -- Angel] Today's teach is designed to help the girls in the case of that unlikely event, because they always have to look like a model. Dozens of girls come to Seventeen every day for go-sees, and those who can dress like a model are immediately apparent. Then there are the girls who look kind of sloppy. Eight examples of those are standing in front of Ann right now. The key to looking like a model, Ann says, is dressing for your proportion. And she's there to give them some hands-on experience.
The girls head into the Seventeen fashion closet. Miss J. points out that every month, the magazine has a feature on dressing for your body type. The first step is knowing what your body type is. Do you have a long torso? A short torso? Long legs? Curves? It's all about flattering those parts. For a long torso, Ann says, you need to lift up with a high-waist skirt and a defined waistband just above your actual waist. This is exactly what Ann is wearing today, so I'm guessing she has a long torso. The girls who are a bit slender (Angelea and Krista wave their hands in an exaggerated fashion on this, despite the fact that one of Angelea's boobs just reached through the TV and slapped me) should consider wearing something with color blocking. Additionally, a little flounce will help to give bounce with their curves. Ann then says that athletic girls, like Raina, should consider wearing something with a bit of ruching to fill them out. The word "athletic" always sounds like such an insult on this show.
The girls now get to put their knew knowledge to use. They are told to go through a pile of clothes and accessories and pick out an outfit that suits their sense of style and body type. They have five minutes to get dressed. Anslee interviews that Brenda had a bit of trouble, since she didn't know where her waist was. This is a pretty dumb thing, and yet unsurprising coming from Brenda. When the girls are dressed, Ann and Miss J. give them critiques. Ann acknowledges that Brenda had a hard time figuring out where her waist was, but the wide belt she chose helped to lift up her look visually. Ann likes Angelea's cute flats, which make her look very sweet. She suspects that Angelea was playing up her Seventeen attitude. No one mentions that she looks like a drag queen participating in the "teen princess realness" category at a ball. [I fully expect that to be a challenge season on RuPaul's Drag Race. -- Angel] Alasia looks amazing, but she apparently was mistaken in thinking that she has a short torso. She doesn't know her body type. In fact, Ann says, Alasia is an hourglass. Alasia had no idea that she's considered curvy, since she's pretty skinny. Ann tells the girls that they get to keep the clothes they've tried on today, and should be proud of what they've learned.
Back in the limo, it's time for another battle of the stankness. The first thing we see is Jessica telling Alasia that normal people care about others besides themselves. This all has to do with Alasia's lateness, apparently, which Jessica says is inconsiderate. Jessica goes on by saying that when you're a mom you care about other people. Alasia calmly replies, "But you don't have to, though." I never considered that line of reasoning, but think it's genius. Jessica then snaps, "Quit talking while I'm talking." Sometimes conversation involves other people talking. I don't think this was meant to be a conversation, though. Krista goes wild with delight when Jessica tells Alasia to quit talking, because she knows what's coming .
Alasia freaks the fuck out, as she is wont to do. She interviews that Jessica was trying to treat her like she's smaller than Jessica is. Jessica can't disrespect her, she says, and then demand respect from her. Again, this is a pretty cogent point in the midst of all the madness. Jessica kind of giggles as Alasia screams and waves her finger and ends with, "Don't say nothing else to me, little girl!" Angelea is having fits of delight, and does her little cat-claw motion and sound effect. Alasia confessionalizes that she and Jessica come from two totally different worlds. Jessica is Malibu Barbie, while Alasia is Marietta Barbie. Actually, I think Jessica is Murfreesboro knocked-up-at-sixteen Barbie. Back in the limo, Alasia continues to scream that if the others don't want to hear her voice, they simply need to shut up and talk about something else. Everyone except Alasia is laughing, which actually makes me kind of sad for her. Commercials.
When we return, Brenda recounts the verbal battle in the limo, which made their ride seem endless. Back in the limo, Alasia says something that starts with "these bitches," the rest of which is too hard to decipher. But it ends with a very emphatic, "Bitch!" And then. Brenda simply says, "Uneducated." This is, for many reasons, the wrong thing to say. "Stank," for example, would have been the right thing to say. It's an irrefutable fact. "Uneducated" is making a lot of assumptions, most of which say more about the speaker of the phrase. Angelea, to put it mildly, is not amused. She confronts Brenda, who says that she doesn't have time to waste discussing this. Angelea says something about going to a top 150 college - according to the Redbook rankings? Did I mishear that? - and ends by saying, "Bitch, look it up." Now it's Alasia who's keeping quiet and cracking up. Oh, good for her. Brenda tells Angelea that her name is, in fact, Brenda and not "Bitch." Eh, six of one. Angelea interviews that it's unfair for people to assume that she's uneducated just because of how she talks. She says that she doesn't have to be all, "Oh my gosh, yes hello, yes, I went to Erie Community College in Buffalo, New York." She's smart, she says, but people don't believe that about her because of the way she is. And, you know, I think she likes the way she is, and if she's happy being stank and smart, who am I to judge? Angelea tells Brenda that she's uneducated AND ignorant AND rude. And, I might add, incredibly tedious. As the bitches tell each other to shut the hell up, we finally leave the limo.
But that doesn't mean we leave the drama! Raina predicts to Brenda and Jessica that either Alasia or Angelea is going to throw a punch at someone given their widely-publicized anger issues and inability to control their mouths. Brenda says that this is great, since they'd get kicked off the show, and adds that she'd be happy to take one for the team. I'd be happy about that, too! As they're talking shit, Angelea comes into their room, plops herself down on Jessica's bed, and asks what they're talking about. That's pretty awesome. Brenda interviews that Angelea always walks into their room like she owns the place. This is territorialism as its best. Anyone with cats knows this pattern well, and won't be surprised when Angelea starts eating all of everyone else's food. She already has the claw/scratch maneuver down. Jessica says that all the drama is making her crazy. Angelea replies that when you're living with girls -- especially females -- you're going to have drama. The female girl is a rare, bitchy breed, after all. Angelea adds, "Especially when people don't understand you, and especially when they don't try to understand you." Jessica points out that this seems to be directed at Brenda. Stupid Brenda then drones that if Angelea is going to be in there fighting, she can leave. It's Brenda's territory, and Brenda doesn't invade Angelea's territory, so Angelea can leave. Angelea wonders why Brenda is starting with her, and adds that Brenda doesn't own anything in the whole motherchucking house, so can't tell her where to go. Brenda tells us that Angelea is picking fights with her, but she's not going to let her feather-like pile of red hair get ruffled about it. It's crunch time, and she needs to buckle down.
Just in time, there's Tyra Mail. It simply says, "DING DONG!!" In tandem, the elevator bell rings. The girls run out, and for a second things are very exciting because it appears that Gwen Stefani is there. But it's actually just some lackey, there on behalf of "Miss Tinsley Mortimer." She delivers an invitation that invites the girls to a party celebrating her handbag line. Soon enough, we are at said event. And really, CW, none of us are going to watch High Society. Just show us more of the bitchery and move along. The girls meet Jay Manuel, who notes that they're all dolled up as is appropriate for a fake-ass party. He says that the movers and shakers of the fashion industry are there for the Tinsley Mortimer handbag launch party. He hopes that their style teach will help them to impress the guest of honor. For the challenge, each girl will have one-on-one time with Tinsley, and she'll judge them based on their style and personality. Oh, dear. Jay adds that public perception is very important to becoming a top model. So why not start your career by getting into frozen vegetable brawls?
The girls enter the party. Alasia tells us that she doesn't know how to talk to industry people and simply says, "Help me." This lack of self-confidence is particularly endearing. Brenda tells us that she's not worried about impressing Tinsley, since she goes to this type of "uppity" party at home all the time. She animatedly fake talks with party guests, and so does Krista. Alasia, meanwhile, is really nervous and just stands there talking to the Jays about her nerves. Jay Manuel tells her to go out there, be confident, and work the room. Alasia interviews that she's been in Marietta, Georgia her entire life, and it's hard for her to be around new people. She approaches three ladies and says, "I'm nervous as crap right now." That's a first impression, for you. She looks totally gorgeous, even if she's hoping that someone will come and save her.
The Gwen Stefani doppelganger, who looks like a really shiny waxwork up close, grabs Jessica to have her one-on-one with Tinsley. Tinsley asks Jessica why she chose her outfit tonight. Jessica explains about the style teach and says that she chose a high-waisted skirt to complement her long torso. Tinsley asks which bag of hers Jessica liked most. Is that a trick question? Anslee is in with Tinsley, and says that she likes Coco Chanel, and the essence of classic that she captures in her pictures. However, Tinsley totally busts Anslee on not knowing that Karl Lagerfeld is the current designer for Chanel. Brenda talks about Michael Kors being her favorite designer, and Tinsley looks bored out of her gourd. Tinsley gets very animated, however, when she talks about loving Raina's girly style.
And then there's Alasia. Tinsley asks about her favorite designers. Alasia goes on about liking "Louis V" and adds, "He's so cuuuuute." She plays with her hair and says, "But, um, I love his, um, I love his colors. He's like, the bags with colors, you know. I can't afford it but I like to look at it. Hee hee." I think it's kind of endearing, because I like it when people are charming fools. Alasia talks about meeting with "Miss Tinsley," and calls herself backwards. While many people talk about overthinking things, Alasia tells us that she's the kind of person who actually doesn't think about things enough. Alasia shakes Tinsley's hand and then asks, "Do I get up and leave now?" Exactly.
The girls meet with Jay and Tinsley. Jay asks if the girls have been drinking wine tonight. Angelea says, "I had some champagne and some sex on the beach. Yes I did." Jay just lets it go, while Tinsley looks nervous. Tinsley tells Jessica that her persona is great, and adds that she was the only one who mentioned the body type/style connection. Jay says that Jessica is absorbing like a sponge. Brenda looks amazing, according to Tinsley, and her personality is great. Fooled! Alasia's outfit is cute, but she was very fidgeting and nervous and needs to think about what she's going to say before she says it. Jessica won best photo last week, so she's automatically going to be a part of the challenge win. Jay adds that the challenge winner will get to pick a friend, and they'll do a photo shoot for the May issue of Seventeen. And then Jessica wins! She gets to pick two people to join her, since she cancels herself out. Jessica of course chooses Brenda and Raina.
The three lucky ladies head to Seventeen and are forced to talk to Ann Shoket for a few moments. Shudder. She explains that today's shoot is about your own personal sense of style, and will be featured in the May issue. Jessica doesn't want to leave the Seventeen shoot and head back to their crazy-ass house. Unfortunately for her, and fortunately for us, she must.
Back at the house, Raina climbs into the confessional to talk trash about Alasia. Meanwhile, Alasia stands outside and eavesdrops! They don't soundproof that shit? Raina goes on about how Alasia has been picking on Jessica nonstop, and she's not sure why. She hypothesizes that it could be because Jessica is also a nice girl. Which, I'm not so sure about that. Raina continues that Alasia is hypocritical, young, and immature. Alasia interviews that Raina swears up and down on the holy bible that she doesn't talk shit about anybody, but clearly that's not entirely true since Raina is in the confessional booth telling lies about her. "Come on, that is fake!" Alasia tells us. In a point for fakeness theory, Raina comes out of the confessional booth, sees Alasia standing right there, and goes, "Ooh! How's it going lady?"
Alasia slams the door of the confessional booth shut and says, "Do y'all see that, though?" Alasia is amused yet offended that Raina was just in there talking shit about her and then was all, "Hey girl, how you doin'?" As Alasia says, "Noooooooo! Don't say nothin' to me! That is fake!" As Alasia goes on about how Raina runs her dang mouth and needs to shut up, Raina stands outside the confessional door and eavesdrops in turn. She then calls Jessica and Brenda up, and there's a big listening party. And just in time for Alasia to say, "That's how girls get beat up where I'm from! Runnin' they mouth. I want them to come to my hood." Presumably to get beat up. Alasia ends her monologue by saying, "Y'all fake. The end. We ain't gonna discuss it." Jessica and Raina do a silent Alasia-from-the-hood interpretive dance outside while all this is happening.
Back in the bedroom of doom, Raina tells Alasia that they heard some of what she said in her confessional, and it's kind of creeping them out. You know, if Alasia was ever going to pop a bitch, now might be the time. Alasia tells us that the other girls were really trying to kill her confidence and bring her down. But she's not here for them, and will persevere. With this message of hope amidst the drama, we head to commercials.
When we return, there is Tyra Mail: "it's time 2 take ur campaign underground. Love, Tyra." Several girls think they're going to go to the subway. Alasia hopes not, because it smells like pee down there. Once again, you can't fault her logic. The girls do indeed head down to the subway, and there's no one there. Eventually the train comes and it features Jay, photographer Mike Ruiz, and last season's winner Nicole! This is going to be their first Cover Girl shoot. You know Brenda is looking at Nicole's gorgeous, long, red locks and having to stifle the whine. Nicole shills for Cover Girl's Smoky Shadow Blast, which is the product of the season. I kind of want to get one, to be honest with you. When I give myself a smoky eye it often takes at least three steps, so the promise to do it in two intrigues me. The girls will be styled as "New York women." Angelea says that she's from Buffalo, and she's got this. Hair, makeup, and the photo shoot are all going to be on the train. Luxury in a pee-infused metal box!
Makeup artist Vincent Oquendo does a good job of shilling the product as he applies it. Meanwhile, Angelea talks to Nicole about life on America's Top Model, and asks how she dealt with all the drama in the house. Nicole simply says that she stayed out of it, and you just can't add to it. Even if the other girls drive you nuts, she says, you should keep it professional. Angelea interprets this as saying what you need to say and then walking away. Nicole adds, "Stay classy, you know?" Oh, rookie Nicole. It's like she hasn't even lived through a season of this show at all. Brenda, of course, runs out of the subway car and onto the platform to share this overheard conversation with Jessica. They think it's hilarious that Nicole's advice was to stay classy, given this crew. I guess I did, too, so I can't fault them for it. Also, way to not add to the drama per Nicole's advice, Brenda and Jessica!
Krista is up first for her photo shoot. Her character is an aspiring actress who is late to an audition. Jay tells us that she looks breathtaking in her dress that is topped by a giant flower. The photos are being taken on a moving train, I hope that means that someone falls. Then there's Anslee, who is an artist. This means she wears very colorful garb and a little flowery hat thing. Jay tells her that she's trying to engage, but she looks like she's smelling subway dookie. Alexandra is an Upper East Sider, and in her beret and pearl necklace actually looks a bit like a pastel Monica Lewinsky. Mike tells Alexandra to make him believe it. Alexandra literally stops breathing, which is not pleasing to Jay and Mike. Maybe it really does smell like pee on that subway car. Raina is as "East Village rockabilly." She puts her hands up to her face, and Jay tells her that it looks too posed.
Meanwhile, more makeup shilling. Then there's Jessica as a silver-clad club goer. She tells us that the subway was distracting, and it was hard to keep her balance. Mike asks for a smirk, and then he and Jay tell her that she's overthinking it. Angelea is , and says that she'd better get photo of the week. She promises to go crazy if Jessica gets photo of the week one more damn time. Angelea is a fashionista, and knows how to give a sexy smirk to camera. Jay tells us that this is Angelea's best shoot by far in the competition -- she brought a confidence and studied poise to her photographs today that was breathtaking. You know, I think Angelea's sense of well-being has an inverse relationship to heightened drama. So, the more drama, chaos and madness around her, the more calm, cool and collected she becomes. Everyone gives her a round of applause for being so awesome.
Then there's Brenda, who is playing a really nerdy student. She says she needs this shoot to go well, particularly since all of her critiques have had to do with her need to look younger and fresher. She tries to leave the drama at home and focus. Brenda's efforts are in vain. Jay tells us that there's something about her bones that makes her look more mature, so she loses that young, carefree vibe. When your bones look old, you're in trouble. Alasia is , and is an instant freak as she comes on the set. Jay tells her the look they're going for is Cover Girl, not "two dollar ho." Alasia's character is "model on a go-see," which is certainly the biggest stretch of the bunch. Jay says she looks like she's giving them a very bad Polaroid shot. She's being giggly, silly, and not pretty. At the end of the shoot, Jay tells her that he doesn't have a picture that he can even show Tyra. time she steps on set, he says, even if she's excited, giggly, and happy, she shouldn't forget what she's there to do. It's a job. Alasia starts crying. She tells us that she didn't bring her best today, and things didn't go as expected. With that somber news, it's a wrap.
Back at the house, Brenda says that she's had uncertainty at every photo shoot except for this one. On this shoot, she feels very confident, and has a sense of peace in her heart. She even thinks she deserves to have the best photo of the week. Irony wears an '80s lesbian haircut. There is Tyra Mail -- someone's going home. Alasia confessionalizes that she's nervous as crap about panel tomorrow and we head to commercials. And not just any commercials, but past faves Bianca and Laura dishing about what just happened! Shooting in a subway: exciting, yet hard. Is there better wisdom anywhere than in the Cover Girl Top Model Lounge?
When we return, it's panel time. Tyra is wearing yet another jumpsuit. I think she's just fucking with us at this point. There are prizes, there are judges. Fucking Ann Shoket is the guest judge. ALT is wearing a shiny black cloak this week. Raina is up first for evaluation. Nigel says that her photo is very powerful and she doesn't look like she was moved by the train at all. The bad news, however, is that she lost her neck. ALT says that she evokes an ice-capped volcano in this photo. Nice timing, ALT. Maybe him saying those words actually caused the Iceland volcano to erupt? To think that ALT can control the world with his nonsensical utterances alone! It's at once very frightening and exciting. Ann thinks that Raina has a good, edgier attitude, which is really the whole point of the shot.
Krista is , and her aspiring actress shot gets praise. Nigel says that it looks like a Cover Girl ad, and he likes that Krista gave herself a role to play. ALT thinks it's a gorgeous, all-American, fresh photograph. Jessica is up . ALT tells her that she has a wonderful, girl--door beauty and quality. However, he notes, "The dogs have barked this week. What were you thinking with those shoes?" Jessica replies, "You're kidding me, right?" The hooker shoes take her innocent charm to another level of skank, according to Tyra. ALT goes further and says it takes her to Dreckhalla, the supreme level of fashion Hades. That might be my favorite thing he's said so far this season. It's so hard to choose, though. Jessica says that she thought her shoes worked really well. Nigel says that Jessica looks lost in her photo, though maybe that's part of the role of a clubgoing girl. Ann adds that she looks a bit dazed, and a little off. Tyra says that it felt like Jessica was confused. ALT doesn't like the photograph, because Jessica looks like the girl--door who you don't want in your posse going to the club. She's spoiled and is going to make trouble, and that doesn't sell Smokey Eye Blaster Smoke Pencil. Dreckhalla!
Brenda and her old bones are up . Ann says she doesn't see a lot of energy in the photo, and would expect something with more oomph and pow. She says she knows that Brenda can bring that, which I think is a lie. Nigel tells Brenda that the shot feels too contrived -- like Ann Taylor doing "student." He notes that Brenda looks best when she doesn't look at the camera -- she can perform better when she's looking away, because she's still a bit scared of the camera. Since she's looking away in this photo, I don't know if this means that the photo is good, or that overall her photos suck, or what. But either way she has to be able to convincingly look into the camera directly. Alasia is . Ann Shoket says there's not a lot of "there" there. Alasia tells the panel that this is one of her weaker photo shoots, because she didn't put any thought or emotion behind her character. Nigel says that if you don't think of anything, there's nothing going on, and it's not alluring. Tyra tells Alasia that her strength is dancing and movement. It is? I know she did that one great interpretive dance photo, but I never got the sense that she was an actual dancer. ALT tells Alasia that she's evolved in her own personal style and confidence, but this photo doesn't show it. In Week One he wanted her in her salon. But he wouldn't even invite the girl in the current photo to his house.
Anslee is . Nigel likes her artist-y smirk, and says he sees a real sense of intelligence in her shot. Ann says she looks like she knows something fantastic, and everyone wants to find out what it is. "What more could you ask for?" Ann asks. I don't know, a cupcake, maybe? Then there's Alexandra. Who? Exactly. Tyra loves the energy of Alexandra's photo, and Nigel thinks it's her best shot to date. She's very present in the photo. Ann adds that she'd book Alasia in a heartbeat for a beauty story. Finally we have Angelea, who played, according to her own description, "A meat-packing fashionista." I should say she's packing some meat. Boy, is she going to get along with Benny Ninja. Nigel says this is the best photo he's seen of Angelea, and ALT agrees. They toss out superlatives - dynamite, magnificent, alluring, fascinating! ALT says that the confidence has come over her, and then adds, "And I hear that you are very, very wonderful in your personal life." The other girls shoot each other some looks in the background. ALT loves it and exclaims, "They done hated on you, Miss Thing!" Angelea knows she has haters, but can only be her. ALT notes that she always gives realness. Nigel tells the other girls to watch out, because Angelea's shot is great.
The judges deliberate. Raina's shot is great, but she doesn't step out of her safety zone. ALT wants to see more. Krista is dynamic, according to ALT, who sees freshness in her photo. Ann loves her confidence and her smile. Jessica looks like she's in a group photo with a bunch of friends. Nigel thinks that Jessica thinks she knows it all, and the judges do not like how combative and argumentative she was about her shoes. ALT says he's always thought she's had fake confidence. She falls flat to him. Nigel thinks that Brenda's big issue is that she has almost no ability to look at the camera and have chemistry. Her shot is good, but it's not magic. Even Ann doesn't see a spark in Brenda. ALT adds, "No fire, no desire." ALT has cauldrons of love for Alasia, but this is his least favorite photo of his saloniste. Nigel thinks that Alasia is a diamond in the rough, but she has to realize it. Tyra knows that Alasia wants this, but isn't sure if she can get it fast enough when the other girls are hot on her heels. Anslee's photo is good, but she's not selling Cover Girl, according to ALT. Tyra, however, likes her sinister smile. Alexandra looks lovely in her picture, and Ann thinks her face will sell makeup. Angelea's photo is not only the best of the bunch today, but one of the best of the entire competition. ALT says he feels Cover Girl, he feels glamour, and he feels humanity! On that triumphant note, the judges have reached a decision.
There are eight girls, and seven photos. You know the drill. The girl who is called first, and has the best photo of the week, is Angelea. The runner-up for best photo is Krista. Tyra calls Raina, Alexandra, and Anslee. Jessica is called , and Tyra gives her a lecture. She says that Jessica was called so late because the judges are less than impressed about how she handled herself in judging. She went from a very sweet, apple-pie girl to someone who was very combative. It was not attractive to them, and they hate her now. She's had a little stank in her from the beginning, but maybe they were distracted by her pep and vigor.
Alasia and Brenda are in the bottom two. Alasia might punch a bitch one day. Brenda will only whine and simper. Alasia is staying. Raina and Jessica are very sad about this, but Angelea is smug and satisfied. Alasia goes to church for a minute as she is filled with the holy spirit, bawls, and moves her hand around in an impassioned manner. Tyra tells Brenda to build a portfolio with her terrible, stunning look. She adds that Brenda needs to have fire when she heads to go-sees, so she stands out. Good luck with that.
Brenda tells us that she's shocked. She talks a little trash about Angelea as she leaves, saying that she didn't expect her to have such a good photo. She theorizes that she succeeded because she was playing a stank character. Brenda tells us that she hasn't lost her fire or spark. She was born to model, she says, and she's going to go home and do it. She's excited to go home and see her little girl, but will never forget this experience. Well, she won't be able to for at least fourteen months as her roots grow out.
week: DRAG QUEENS!
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