The girls get a visit at their loft from Pat Cleveland and Whitney Port, and learn that they're going to have a challenge in which they wear Whitney Port designs. They get all dolled up, and while they do so Pat talks to them about getting the essence of themselves to show in their modeling. The girls then head to Lucky Chang's drag bar, where Angelea feels right at home. A drag version of Tyra comes out and, along with some friends, puts on a little show. The girls learn that for their challenge they'll have to walk the runway with personality. Alexandra is worried, because "getting knocked completely off the catwalk by a giant swinging pendulum" is actually not a personality trait. At the end of the show, the audience gets to vote for their favorite. The applause-o-meter runs from dreck to major to fierce. Anslee barely gets a clap, and is solidly in the dreck category. Though Alasia and Angelea drag it up, it's Krista, with her old-school mannequin turn, who wins the challenge and several Whitney Port designs.
Alasia's lateness continues to be a problem, and on the day of the photo shoot the girls get into the elevator without her. The elevator mysteriously stops working, and Alasia is forced to learn about the modern miracle known as stairs. When she finally gets to the street she is happy to discover that the limo has waited for her, even though the other girls are pissed. The photo shoot for the week has the girls being styled in dresses made completely of hair. They are designed by stylists Weaven Steven and Derek J., each of whom leads a team of girls. The girls cheer for their team members and heckle their opponents, and all kind of look like they stepped out of The Flintstones. The goal is to make the hair move, while ignoring the ass-smelling glue that holds their outfits together. Angelea, bless her heart, manages to work a hair pasty. Krista channels Grace Jones, to great effect. Anslee and Alexandra are dull and lost, respectively.
At panel, the judges all make a very big deal about being tired and wanting to catch some Zs. And where is the best place to catch Zs? According to the show, it's New Zealand, which is where the six girls who make it through this week will be heading. Krista, Jessica, Raina, Angelea and Alasia get praise on their photos, with Krista taking the best photo of the week. She gets to fly first class to New Zealand as part of her victory, and chooses Angelea to accompany her. Those two could do some damage, methinks. Unsurprisingly, Anslee and Alexandra land in the bottom two. In the end, Alexandra's perfect proportions and lovely face save her, and Anslee is doomed to stay domestic.
Previously on America's Top Model: There was eavesdropping and trash talking and stankery galore. And yelling. Lots of yelling. A Cover Girl shoot on a New York subway was easy and breezy for Angelea and a few other girls, and a fresh-faced disaster for others. Brenda has sucked and whined all season, and the judges finally saw fit to get rid of her. Seven bitches remain!
The girls arrive home and see Angelea's best of week photo displayed. Angelea tells us that the judges killed two birds with one stone -- deemed her photo number one, and booted Brenda's Chucky-haired ass from the competition. Angelea confessionalizes that she's happy as hell that Brenda's gone, and could in fact jump for joy. She and Krista do a little dance, presumably in celebration. Even better than Brenda's elimination, says Angelea, is her own triumph. Having her name called first at panel is both fantasticals and better than sex, she tells us. "Come on, now. Who's competition?" Angelea asks. She then answers her own question by saying, "I am. And it ain't gonna stop." Let's hope not! I enjoy having her around way too much. Krista's happy for her friend, but also wonders what a bitch has to do to get the number one photo. Blow Tyra. I mean, obviously. Krista tells us that she's 24, so this competition is really her last chance to be a model. Or a "model," even. She will fight, scratch, kick, and beat down me and my mama to get a number one picture. I don't know, my mom is pretty tough. She'll passive-aggressively guilt you into defeat as easy as baking you a batch of chocolate cookies. And sometimes she'll do both of those things at once.
Alexandra, meanwhile, says that she doesn't even feel like she's in the same category as the others sometimes. Krista points out that she works and practices, but something still seems to be missing. Alexandra interviews that the competition is frustrating, and she doesn't understand how she hasn't won anything yet. It sucks to see others surpass you, particularly when you put your all into something. And particularly when slow-motion, sepia-toned footage of you being knocked off the runway by a giant, swinging pendulum will play at select moments all through the season. Raina, meanwhile, misses Brenda. The two of them apparently clicked and became good friends. This makes me question Raina's taste, actually. Raina says that Brenda must have been sad to go home, but also happy not to have people being mean to her all the time. In response to that, I vow to say a mean thing about Brenda in every recap for the rest of the season, even though she's not on the show anymore! If Jessica goes home, Raina tells us, she will be friendless.
When Alasia enters the bedroom with Raina and Jessica, they congratulate her. Jessica actually shows a fair amount of class by saying to Alasia that, though they are sad that their friend went home, everyone who remains in the competition deserves to be there. Alasia was of course in the bottom two last week, though ALT's love affair with her ensures that she's going to stick around for a bit, I think. Alasia tells us that she's the youngest girl in the house, and is still on a journey of self-discovery. She has a lot of work to do, she says, and assures us that modeling isn't anything you can learn to do overnight, no matter how much smokey shadow blast you apply.
Then we move on to Anslee. She tells us that she has a hard time reading Alexandra lately, and adds that she seems lost and defeated. I actually think that's a pretty good read, right there. Anslee doesn't have the luxury of self-pity because, in case you haven't heard, she's on this show to give her husband and child a better life. I don't know how screaming about frozen corn on national TV makes a better life for anyone, but there you go.
The day, the loft elevator opens and Pat Cleveland emerges. To help aid in the development of her "kooky wax figure" persona, Pat has apparently adorned her eyelashes with taxidermied spiders. She reads a bit, "Priscilla, Queen of the Dead." Pat, who also loves to enunciate the letter "t," introduces fashion designer and star of MTV's The City, Whitney Port. One of my only TV-related points of pride is that I've never watched The Hills, so I know nothing about this creature. She seems affable enough, though I'm not sure if I can get behind Raina's claim that she has "so much to offer." If it turns out that she's the cool one from The Hills (if such a thing in fact exists), then I stand corrected. [Nope, she's actually the mind-numbingly boring one from the show who somehow merited an equally tedious spinoff. -- Angel]
Whitney tells the girls that, as a reward for working so hard all season, she and Pat are going to take them out. They're all going to get to wear something from Whitney's collection. Everyone freaks out like it's Prada. Pat freakily says that she's going to be speaking to each girl to find out "who you think you are." This is all related to how the girls carry themselves as models. You have to give it to Tyra, because just when you think she has exhausted her collection of weirdo friends, she pulls out Pat Cleveland.
A glam squad comes to work on the girls as Pat goes around. She asks Krista if she sees something brilliant and wonderful about herself that can bring through her essence. Krista says that she loves bling -- the bigger and bolder, the better. Pat says she's expecting something big and bold from her. Pat asks Jessica how she feels in an absolutely hideous dress. Jessica replies, "Classy. Elegant. And just, like, royalty!" She is from Arkansas, after all. Pat tells Jessica that this must come through. Raina explains that Pat is trying to get them all to embody their personalities, not only while modeling but in life. Frankly, some of them should consider embodying better personalities. Pat tells poor, defeated Alexandra that she's like a bird just getting ready to take off. Alexandra thinks she's a bird about to get hit by a giant, swinging pendulum. She is utterly devoid of self-confidence right now, and acknowledges that she might need to take some lessons from Pat Cleveland's School of Waxen Affirmations.
Once they've been glamorized, the girls head to Lucky Cheng's downtown drag cabaret dinner theater. Oh, happiest of days! Jessica notices some "bulkier women" sitting around, and is at first a little nervous. She'll get over it fast, I'm sure. A drag queen by the name of "Paulina, the Princess of Power" emerges and welcomes everyone. Angelea interviews that people say she acts like a drag queen, so she's fitting right in. Paulina introduces everyone to Tyra Banks, drag version. And really, that queen should be doing Serena Williams, full stop. She's a doppelganger. She looks nothing like the actual Tyra, sadly. Drag Tyra has a bunch of photos in her hands, and Krista wonders if someone's going to get cut right now. She vows to tear some bitches down if it's her. I would actually like to see a "Krista versus Drag Queen" death match. It's hard to say who would prevail. Drag Tyra is really just there to perform with some friends, though. I will tell you that she is no Tyra Sanchez. Anslee tells us that you just can't compete with a drag queen, which is pretty much always true. Miss J. then comes out wearing a sparkly tux and lots of eyeliner. He announces that our models are in fact the stars of this evening's challenge. It's a runway challenge with personality, which relates to what Pat taught them earlier. Alexandra is nervous because -- sepia toned flashback! -- she was knocked off the runway by a giant, swinging pendulum. As she hopes she can make it through without being tackled by a flying drag queen, we head to commercials.
When we return, J. announces that the audience will choose their favorite for the evening. This is where the real fear should come in. Drag queens will read you to filth, as we have learned from one Miss Jujubee on RuPaul's Drag Race. A runway is rolled out, and Angelea is first to walk. She tells us that she did her thing while she walked and they were loving her, though I have to say I expected more. We don't even see her famous cat scratch maneuver! Jessica is , and gives her hair a little tousle as she walks. Miss J. says she seems like she's walking on hot coals. Jessica interviews that she wanted to bring out the classiness of her dress and herself, like Pat taught her. Alasia is , and is inspired by the divalicious vibes of Lucky Cheng's.
Alexandra tells us that she thinks she can work through the pressure and make it happen. She walks onto the runway and... well, let's let Jessica put things succinctly for us: "Alex? Her walk wasn't the best." Alexandra stomps like a horse, and Miss J. asks, "Girl, what the front door was that?" At least she wasn't hit by anything. Small victories. Raina is , looking very Valley of the Dolls. She smiles and twirls and has fun as Miss J. exclaims, "Sizzle, sizzle, sizzle." And then there's Krista. She sashays to the end of the runway, and does a full-on mannequin turn. The crowd goes crazy, and Krista loves it. Jessica tells us that even though she doesn't click with Krista, she has to give it up to the girl for owning it like she did. Anslee is last. She tells us that she has no trouble showing her own personality, but tends to get into trouble when she tries to act like somebody else. So she decides to go out there and be her stern, hunchbacked self. Miss J.'s commentary is, "I think she walked like she smelled burnt garbage!" The audience is not impressed, and neither is Angelea.
The girls all stand before the audience, and an applause-o-meter measures the response. Alasia is first, and on a dreck to major to fierce scale (with dreck being lowest and fierce being highest), she's solidly in the "major" field. Angelea is major heading into fierce. Anslee gets absolutely no applause. That's dreck personified. Jessica is barely major, while Raina is solidly major. Alexandra is fairly dreck. And then there's Krista. She is fully fierce, and is named the winner! Alexandra is crushed yet again. She hates being a loser. Tyra loves nothing more than making girls who hate being losers lose, so I have a feeling that Alex is in for some more misery. For her victory, Krista will win a specially designed piece by Whitney Port and five other pieces from her collection. As last week's best photo, Angelea also gets five pieces from Whitney's collection. Krista is very happy to win the challenge, but will not rest until she gets the best photo of the week.
Back at the house, Anslee and Angelea discuss the challenge. Anslee admits that Krista did indeed have the best walk of everyone. Angelea says that Jessica probably thought she was going to win the challenge, but thought wrong. Angelea did, however, enjoy Jessica's hair maneuver. Anslee, however, thought it was cheesy. She says that her walk showed her personality -- stern and strong. Anslee interviews that she stayed true to herself, which means more to her than winning. Staying true to your bitter, combative, unappealing self isn't necessarily the strategy I'd go with, but as long as she's happy.
There is Tyra Mail! "2morrow could be a hairy situation. Don't get tangled. Luv, Tyra." At 7:51 the morning, Raina tells Alasia that they have four minutes until they have to leave. Alasia combs out her hair and just says, "A'ight." Raina interviews that Alasia's young, but that's no excuse for her constant lateness. In the modeling industry, she says, being late could cost you your job. And I thank heaven every day that I don't work in an industry where lateness could cost me my job, because I would be living in a box. A shoe box. A Payless shoe box. At 7:55 AM, the girls wait for the elevator and someone yells out, "Let's goooo!" Alasia is still combing out her hair. Angelea tells us that Alasia was late, and the elevator closed on her. Angelea could give two shits and says she's not holding the elevator for anybody, because she's nobody's mama. I think that's fair, too. They gave her a four minute warning, after all.
Alasia approaches the elevator after the others have gone down. She presses the button, but nothing happens. She interviews, "Crap. Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap." The girls walk out onto the street to get in the limo, and Alasia actually knocks on the door of the elevator. The elevator does not answer, and the door does not open. Alasia says to no one in particular that the elevator isn't working, so she doesn't understand how she's supposed to get outside. They're called stairs, braintrust. Alasia thinks she's quite possibly in trouble, and quite possibly going to have to take the bus. She tries pressing the elevator button about 40 more times, and we head to commercials.
When we return, Alasia finally discovers the stairs. She claims that nobody told her they were leaving, though we've seen that's not strictly true. She gets into the limo, which is still curbside, and says she's sorry for keeping everyone waiting. Someone -- I'm not quite sure who -- simply says, "You're an idiot." Alasia accepts that and bites her tongue. Krista says they might not wait the time.
The girls arrive on location and meet Jay along with photographer Jerry Metellus. Jay reminds the girls that Tyra's always talking about creating wind in the hair. He asks, "What if you were wearing outfits made entirely of hair?" I'd wonder why I spent all that time waxing, I guess? Kate Moss apparently wore an outfit made of hair and worked the scalp out of it. The girls will be divided into two teams, and Jay encourages them to support their teammates and heckle their opponents. I guess they just want to keep up with the drag theme, though I doubt that any of these girls can properly read each other. Part of the challenge is to see that the girls can endure this without getting distracted, since you can't always control your environment in the world of modeling. And, I guess, people often stand there yelling mean things at you.
Jay introduces the girls to their team captains -- gentlemen who go by the names of Weaven' Steven and Derek J. They are stylists, and are known for making outfits completely out of hair. Alasia wonders exactly where all this hair came from. Locks of Hate, I'm assuming. Jay tells Weaven' and Derek to pick their teams, and Derek says, "Ladies first." Weaven' thinks this is a hot mess. It suits him. Derek does actually pick first, and takes Alasia, Alexandra and Jessica. This means that Weaven' is left with Anslee, Krista, Raina and Angelea.
The girls head to get done up, and Vincent Oquendo helps with the makeup. It is appropriately garish. A little trash talk begins, and the hair dresses are brushed, braided, and tousled as necessary. Angelea says, "Oh my God. That's a lot of hair. Wow. And it stinks." Apparently it's the glue that makes everything stink so bad. Angelea says it smells like "straight up mmm-mmmm." And nothing smells worse than mmm-mmmm. It's like cowpies and vomit with a side of rotten egg, spritzed with Britney Spears' Fantasy parfum. Even Weaven' says it smells like ass.
Jessica is up first, looking a whole lot like Pebbles Flintstone. She starts jumping, and the other girls do their best to heckle her. She says that it's hard to do things with people yelling at you, but seems to persevere. Jay reminds her to have grace and elegance. She's trying to pose in the air, and Jay says that in her shots her head was either too far back, or she was really stiff. up is Angelea, and she fully has a pasty made of hair. I think there's even a little braid in the middle of it. She sort of sways back and forth, and Jay tells her she looks like she's modeling a shag rug. He wants her to bring fashion back into it. Alasia says that Home Depot called and said they want their carpet back. Does that even make any sense? I don't think it does. Angelea looks really crazy as she poses, but Jay assures us that she got some stunning photographs.
Raina is , with sort of an auburn hair shrug on her shoulders. Jay says that she's pretty, and the other girls scream a lot louder. We get no real commentary from Jay on her performance, so I'm guessing she once again did just fine. we have Anslee, who says that she's going to listen to Mr. Jay, but put her own stern, soulless spin on his direction. She tries to whip around the large panel of hair attached to her rear, and Jessica yells that she looks like a two-cent whore. Not particularly witty, but from the heart. Derek shows Jessica how it's done as he tells Anslee that her dress looks like it's made of pubic hair. It is pretty curly. Jay wants Anslee's performance to feel more effortless. The others yell, "Dreckitude!" in unison. Jessica is particularly enjoying the heckling bit. Jay says that Anslee tends to forget about her body positioning, and adds that he doesn't think she understands the true essence expected of a top model.
Krista is , and is still focused on getting the best picture of the week. She tells Jay that she's feeling a Grace Jones vibe with her hair, and he tells her to go for it and really commit. Krista starts, and is killing it right away. Derek can't be stopped though, and just says, "She's an older model, okay." Krista looks fully fierce, and Jay commends her for trying so many different things. He tells us that Krista delivered Krista with Grace Jones energy, and it was very strong. Alasia is , and says she feels like she needs to prove herself since she was in the bottom two last week. She flings her hair skirt around, and Jay tells her to be more creative with her facial expressions. He isn't sure what she's doing, and tells us that she had three shots that she recycled over and over. Ultimately, she looked lost.
And speaking of lost, there's Alexandra. Her hair dress is very wooly mammoth. And oh boy, does she look like a crackhead. She's trying to get her outfit to move, and very awkwardly so. As she jumps to the side, Raina yells, "Epic failure!" Raina tells us that Alexandra has been getting a lot of criticism, but at this point in the competition she can't afford to get into a rut. I'm sure having someone scream "epic failure" at you is very rut-busting. Jay tells us that Alexandra didn't know how to move the dress, and also forgot how to model period. The others gag at her terribleness, and Alexandra feels worse than ever. And that's a wrap!
Back at the loft, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home. Anslee says that deep down, she's nervous about elimination. She knows she's not out of the woods yet. Alexandra is also feeling down. Krista notes that Alexandra has to get it together, or she's going home. As Krista paints Alexandra's toenails in a gesture of goodwill, we head to commercials.
When we return, it's panel time. Tyra is wearing jumpsuit seven of twelve. This one is slightly more flattering. Oh, lies. We get a wide angle, and I can assure you it is not remotely more flattering. Because jumpsuits are hideous, no matter which way you slice it. And you have to get fully undressed just to pee. I think it was part of ALT's contract that Tyra had to wear only jumpsuits at panel this season, because he is a sadist. And a wizard, duh. There are prizes, there are judges. Whitney Port is the guest judge. ALT is wearing a giant pendant, which likely contains arsenic or a potion of some sort.
Before we get to the evaluations, ALT turns to Tyra and says that he was up all night (making spells and/or eating truffle-encrusted wings) and is exhausted. And then it turns out that all of the judges -- including Whitney -- are exhausted as well. And you know when the bad acting starts that it's time to announce that they're going to a foreign location, so I just wish that they'd get on with it. Tyra says that she's been such an insomniac, and hasn't slept in who knows how long. This might actually be true. She seems like the kind of crazy person who can't sleep and has wild and wretched ideas, like hosting her own talk show, while delirious at 4:00 AM. The judges decide to take a nap and "catch some Zs."
As they whip out pillows, Tyra complains that she can't get comfortable. And then a shepherd (with a New Zealand accent, SPOILER!) comes out and says that one of the best ways to catch Zs is to count sheep. Tyra thinks this is a novel and wonderful idea. And then we get fuzzy footage of sheep being walked around. It's unclear whether they're actually in the room or not, though the girls have clearly been instructed to act like something cute is before them. And then there are clouds with Zs dropping out of them that descend upon the judges. Tyra's Zs are connected to a banner that she pulls down -- it says, "New Zealand." Because the girls are going to New Zealand! I have actually been to New Zealand and found it to be perhaps the most beautiful place on earth. I would not, however, deign to call it a fashion capital. season the girls are going to be sent to the top of that volcano that erupted in Iceland and call it a day.
Only the six girls who survive this week will get to go to New Zealand, while the poor loser who is eliminated will get to feel extra bad. Jessica is first to be evaluated. Nigel makes a stupid joke about her not having a bad hair day, while ALT commends her for pointing her feet in midair. Tyra says she looks like a young, promising girl in a high-fashion magazine who is "one to watch." Krista is , and Tyra commends her for looking simple, hip and fashionable in her wifebeater and jeans. Interestingly enough, Krista's photo isn't one of her striking jumps, but the judges give it a tongue bath nonetheless. Whitney says that her angles and body proportions are beautiful. The outfit is overpowering, but Krista's face still manages to be the strongest part of the whole thing. Tyra tells Krista that her film was a joy to go through. She worked it, and didn't forget her face in even one frame.
Anslee is , and ALT says that the point of the toe on her left leg is stereotypical. It's a bit cliché. However, Nigel likes the strength of her face and how present she is. Whitney thinks that she looks a bit stiff and uncomfortable. Tyra adds that Anslee has a very strong face, but she falls flat on the long shot. She also doesn't take enough risks. Then there's Alasia. Despite Jay's negative critique, the judges love her photo. ALT says that, particularly given the way that Alasia has positioned her feet, her shot is high fashion and couture. He adds that this is the first dress that seems like it could really be couture, and applauds her. Tyra says that all of Alasia's shots were like this -- it was the same frame over and over. It seemed like she was stuck, and she didn't take any chances. ALT totally wants her in his salon again, though.
Alexandra is . Oof. Nigel understates that it's not the greatest shot he's ever seen. Really, she looks like a dancing hippo. That is not a comment about her size. ALT says that her hands are very awkward, even though her face looks beautiful. Tyra agrees that Alexandra's face is very strong in this picture, but it would have been better if her face was closer to camera. In the wide shot, her head looks very small because she's leaning backwards. This in turn makes her body look kind of giant, which is a double misfortune for the plus-size girl. Angelea is , and while I think she looks nuts, the judges love her photo. Whitney says that she owns the outfit, looks super-confident, and her body is strong and vibrant. ALT adds that there's grace and lyricism in her hands, and she looks in control of her face and emotions. Tyra agrees that Angelea looks in control, and adds that she took a risk, and it paid off. Last up is Raina. Nigel loves it. Whitney loves it, and says that she pulled of an alternate sense of gravity. ALT loves her hair coat. Is there any way that Raina's not winning this thing?
The judges deliberate. On Jessica's photo, Nigel says that it's the model's job to work whatever she's given, no matter how dreck or hairy the outfit might be. He thinks there's something there. ALT doesn't like the position of her limbs, but thinks that her face is beautiful. Tyra thinks it's a little on the nose in terms of dancing, and would like more of a fashion twist. Krista has come a long way, both in photos and in person. She has cheekbones for days, which is a great asset for a model and not only because they will cut you if you try to touch her face. ALT adds, "She's got it." Anslee was Whitney's least favorite photo. Her body, hands and legs were awkward, even though her face was great. Nigel thinks that it's a nice picture and she's got a great face, but you can't just be a beauty model. Alasia is a high-fashion sepia model of the great days of Givenchy. You can guess who said that. Her photo is one of Whitney's favorites. Everything about Alexandra's photo is off, according to Whitney, and what she thinks she's doing isn't aligning with what she's actually doing. Tyra says that Alexandra's face in this photo is divine, and that to be able to look good as the viewer is peering into your nostrils is quite rare. Nigel adds that her proportions are spot-on for a plus-sized model, and a lot of women are going to look at her and identify. Angelea surprises ALT every week, and challenges his mind as to what a model should be. Is that a compliment? Tyra thinks she's made a fashion photo finish. Whitney loves Raina's eyes, and Nigel agrees that everything about her is phenomenal. Tyra and ALT are in agreement that it's not dreck. With that, the judges have reached a decision.
Seven beautiful young ladies stand before Tyra, but she only has six photos in her hands. And those photos represent the six of them who will be going to New Zealand. The first name that Tyra calls has the best photo of the week, and will be flying first class on the 22-hour flight to New Zealand. The honor goes to Krista, who is understandably psyched. The name that Tyra calls is Angelea, followed by Raina, Jessica, and Alasia. This leaves Alexandra and Anslee in the bottom two. Anslee's face is stunning, but the judges fear that she might just be a beauty model, good only from the chest up. When the camera pulls far away and gets her from head to toe, it becomes bland. Then there's Alexandra. She takes pretty decent pictures, and every now and then has an absolutely stunning photo. But the judges sense a lack of drive and desire to be in the competition. So who stays? Alexandra. The judges want to feel her passion, and Tyra tells her it's time to go into overdrive and stop being so damned depressing. Anslee cries and thanks Tyra as she gets a hug. Tyra tells her to go home and practice making her body as strong as her face.
Anslee leaves, and then Tyra tells Krista that she gets to choose someone to fly first class with her. She goes for Angelea, and I can only imagine the trouble these two will get into with unlimited Bloody Marys at their disposal. We then cut back to packing Anslee. She's disappointed that she's not going to New Zealand with the other girls, particularly since she's never been out of the country. However, she's excited to be able to see her daughter, even though she's devastated that she's let her down. Her daughter's, like, two, right? I think she's just going to be happy to see her mom. Anslee got further than she had expected, and sees that as an accomplishment. She now gets to head home, where she can store her frozen vegetables as she sees fit.
time: New Zealand! The girls head from the plane to go-sees, and pose with sheep!
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