Nicole is experiencing a surge of self-confidence in the wake of winning last episode's ninja photo challenge, and she comes out of her shell enough to become friends with Rae, although Erin still thinks she doesn't have what it takes. Also, Laura is dyslexic, and explains that sometimes she reads black and white text, it moves. She sometimes writes letters and numbers backwards. We find out who can cut it when the girls go to the studios of The Insider, where host Lara Spencer guides each of them through interviewing comedian Ant, a Mario Cantone look-alike who plays a variety of vapid or difficult stars and starlets who live for making interviews difficult. (One Ant tangent leaves Nicole literally speechless.)
Then the girls do it for real, interviewing actress Jessica Lowndes from , but with the sneaky addition of the teleprompter going out halfway through each interview. Jennifer pauses momentarily before launching into her own questions, impressing Lara. Sundai interrupts Jessica too much. Laura panics when the prompter dies, goes totally quiet, then curses, takes a moment and picks it back up. Erin barely blinks when the prompter goes out and keeps moving. Brittany is clearly thinking too much about her question and not really listening. Rae slouches. Erin wins (Sundai is incredulous, thinking Erin is far from engaging) and chooses Jen and Rae to go on the Seventeen photo shoot she won.
The challenge is that the girls each have to write their own 25-second commercials for the Exact Eyelights collection from Cover Girl. After some writing time, Erin is the first to announce loudly that she's done, ticking off Nicole, who stays up late to learn her lines. Teyona is there on the set and shows off how well she can shill for Cover Girl, complimenting the girls on their makeup. Nicole keeps forgetting everything past her first line, but eventually pulls it together, and smizes like a fury. Nigel found Sundai to be amateur. Jennifer nails it, and Nigel calls her naturally charming. Laura tries to do her commercial like she's talking to her sister, and forgets almost all of her lines. She brings her personality through. Brittany knows her lines the best, but delivers them like a robot, which Nigel gleefully mimics. Rae can't get her personality across, and Nigel looks like he's gonna throw up from it. Erin constantly blows her lines and cries on set, leading to a lot of makeup fixes.
Kim Kardashian is the guest judge, and everyone thinks Jennifer's best take is adorable. Laura's take has a lot of stammering, but Tyra likes that it's personalized to the country. Brittany's is deemed too scripted, with no personality, and Tyra wishes she'd mentioned her math skillz. Nicole wears glasses, which Kim dubs "geek chic," but she's smizing in her commercial, and Tyra thinks it pops. Rae's is even stammerier than Laura's, and there's no personality coming through. Tyra and Miss J mock Sundai's businesslike delivery, and Kim thought she was joking. Erin starts crying before the commercial even plays, and the end result is fairly lifeless, as one would expect from a take filmed a couple of words at a time between sobs and four separate makeup applications. Also, her chin was too high.
Jennifer wins, followed by Nicole, Brittany, Sundai and Laura. Rae and Erin are in the bottom, but in the end it's frickin' Erin who gets another chance, since it's okay to cry sometimes, as long as it doesn't waste the client's time, which Erin totally did. Rae, however, they think is unsalvageable, so she gets to go home to her daughter. Fortunately, her desire to be a model has only been strengthened. -- Zach Oat
Previously: Wait, there's no "previously on?" Maybe it's just my ghetto Rhode Island CW channel that's running an iParty ad followed by a "TV to talk about" promo? Well, in any case, as far as I can remember, some crunk shit happened. With ninjas. An indeterminate number of bitches remain! (Seriously, from week to week it's like I have a Dollhouse brain wipe.)
In any case, we begin in the house with Rae holding a yellow envelope. She has received a letter. Jennifer, who is braiding Nicole's hair, congratulates Rae for not whining about how much she misses her stupid kid all the time. Rae tells us that being separated from her daughter is the most difficult thing she's ever done. But she also knows that being here is the right thing for her to do. Because she can actually get a full night's sleep, and not walk around with dried-up vomit on her collar all day. Rae plans to be strong in the competition and put herself out there more, because she needs to stand out among the crowd of girls. I think that Rae stands out plenty, on account of being so actually attractive, but apparently the judges disagree, thus facilitating the "no personality" edit of the season.
Meanwhile, Nicole admires her best-of-week photo displayed as digital art. Erin interviews, "Unfortunately, Nicole can take a beautiful photo." And now last week's drama is coming back to me. Everyone hates Nicole! To wit, Erin continues that not everyone can relate to Nicole's personality, because she's "rather socially inept." This pot/kettle moment has been brought to you by irony. Oh, and ha! Erin continues that she knows she has the personality that most girls can relate to. In fact, most girls are insufferable, so she might have a point. Rae and Nicole, meanwhile, talk about going to work out. Nicole says that first she wants to do something to loosen up, like having a hair tossing competition. See, that's kind of fun, in a head-rushy way. Jennifer judges as Nicole, Erin and Rae compete. Turns out Erin has a mean head-toss, in addition to her mean personality. Rae interviews that Nicole is coming out of her shell, and it's fun to get to know her. She adds that Nicole has an awkward, cool vibe to her. Rae loves it. And so do we! Possibly through editing manipulation, but at this point who cares?
There is Tyra Mail. "You think you know this competition inside and out? We'll see. Love, Tyra." Don't tell me the girls are going to have to pose with innards? Someone asks Laura, who has read the Tyra Mail, if there's anything that's spelled abnormally. Laura clowns that she doesn't know but, like the Fantasia Barrino Lifetime movie, this is, despite appearances, actually quite serious. Laura tells us that she's severely dyslexic, and dyslexic people have a very hard time reading. To her, black and white print looks like it's moving. The audio on this clip is just a little off with the video, like a dubbed movie. Is that deliberate? Are we entering Laura's world? Will the captions on the show now move around like they're doing the Electric Slide? If so: genius. Laura says that she's been called stupid by other kids, and even by teachers. It's been a battle her whole life. And yet she maintains the world's sunniest disposition! I can see now why she's chosen to go into a profession where being literate is actually a liability.
The girls arrive at CBS studios and walk onto a stage where they see The Insider's Lara Spencer and "comedian" Ant. I think maybe I recognize him from those VH1 "50 Greatest Things You Were Happy to Have Forgotten About" specials. I know I should tell you what Lara is interviewing Ant about, but I am too distracted by the fact that you can drive a truck through her cleavage. I think she's also wearing a pink shirt with an orange skirt, against the backdrop of a red curtain. Are they trying to give me a seizure? I mean, yes. Lara then mentions something to Ant about him being great in something called "Laugh Whore." Ant gets pissy as he says that "Laugh Whore" was Mario Cantone. Lara apologizes, but Ant storms off. Well, he fake storms off, because this has in fact been a teachable moment. Lara tells the girls that of course this is Ant, who's the host of VH1's Celebrity Fit Club. Ah, I didn't recognize him not flanked by a wall of has-been fatties. And Toccara. Lara tells the girls that sometimes interviews do go awry -- interviewers make mistakes and stars are cranky. But, as an interviewer, you just have to apologize and move on. Lara adds that Tyra does this almost better than anybody she's ever seen, particularly the number one fundamental of thinking on your feet. Smizing didn't just invent itself, folks.
Lara and Ant are here to give the girls fundamentals on becoming correspondents, in case they so choose to spend the rest of their lives sitting four feet away from Jon Gosselin. Ant tells the girls that if they're double-threats or triple-threats, meaning that they possess not just one but two or three marketable skills, they'll continue to work. Just like Cycle 5's Kim and Bre. We'll let that claim slide. Nicole interviews that she's filled with dread, since one-on-one conversations are not her forte. It's going to be just like a socially inept fetus doing an interview, isn't it?
The girls each get to take a turn in Lara's seat, while Ant plays the cranky celebrity promoting the film Attack of the Five Foot Models. The girls have to think on their feet, and try to handle what Ant throws their way. Rae is up first, and endures Ant -- playing the character "Magnuson" -- making comments about her breasts. Awesome. Rae asks questions, but is a little bit too eager and ends up cutting off Ant with her follow-up questions before he can answer. Lara tells her to let the interviewee finish, lest her editor kill her for not getting a clean sound bite. Erin is up , interviewing strung-out actress "Roberta." Roberta doesn't remember anything, which makes Erin blink. , Nicole interviews high-strung actor "Norman." Norman goes on a tangent about Nicole's hair, which makes Nicole just sit there in silence. Lara tells her that she should try to tie Norman's boring anecdote to his film. Nicole sits there in silence some more, then stumbles through another non-question. To her credit, she knows she's terrible. , Laura interviews "Cameron," a diva. A diva-ish Cameron asks Laura if she's looking at her eyes, and Laura responds, "Yes, right at them eyes." I mean, I think that would win over even cracked-out Whitney. Cameron continues to be a nit, and Lara tells Laura that she needs to reign in some diva-ass.
With the trial run over, Lara takes the girls to the actual set of The Insider. Again with the seizures! And GAH, as if a regular seizure weren't enough, we learn that the special guest of the day is effing Ann Shoket. She's wearing large polka dots and says, "I heard you learned a little something 'bout interviewing celebriteeees todaaaaay." Ann Shoket, why must you continue to torment me with your existence? Sigh. At least the girls aren't going to actually interview Ann. Rather, they'll be interviewing star Jessica Lowndes. If they want to throw these bitches into the fire, Tyra needs to get some Shannen Doherty on The Insider set but quick. Sigh, again. A girl can dream. The models get fact sheets about Jessica, and Lara tells them that they'll be using a teleprompter during they interview. They have two minutes to fill, and no matter what happens, they shouldn't stop. Laura is stressed about having to read off the teleprompter and wonders why she can't just stand there and be pretty and charming. The winner of this challenge will get to be in a beauty story in Seventeen, or as Ann calls it, "Seventeeeeeen magaziiiiiiiiine!"
Jennifer is first to interview Jessica, and both of them sit on a weird benchy part of the set. The stage manager points out the tele-prompter and the two minute countdown clock. Jennifer asks her first question, and Jessica gives a bland non-answer. We also learn that Jessica was only four when the original came out, which makes me depressed. We cut to the control room, where Lara tells director Miguel to shake things up a bit and lose the prompter. We cut to Jennifer, who sees her teleprompter go blank. She stumbles for a second, but quickly turns to Jessica and notes that there's a recurring theme in the pieces she's worked in. They're horrors and thrillers, just like this momemt! Ann Shoket loves that Jennifer can think on her feet.
And then there's Sundai. Sundai is sort of fumbly and weird even when she has the teleprompter, so when it goes blank you know it's doomsday. She clears her throat, laughs for a minute, then apologizes, and finally follows up with a question about commuting between Canada and California. She does okay with the questions, but then interrupts Jessica a bit. Laura is , with the dreaded dyslexic reading. She does okay, until the teleprompter starts showing nonsense letters and symbols. Poor Laura thinks it might actually be a word that she can't dyslexically decode! Okay, that's kind of terrible. The stage manager gestures to her to keep it going, but Laura stalls, clearly thrown off. And then she drops an f-bomb! Not good. Laura can feel her whole body get red, then apologizes and says she needs to calm down for a minute. As Lara roots her on from the control room, we cut to commercials.
When we return, we relive Laura's moment of panic. She interviews that at first she was freaked out because it wasn't making any sense, and then she realized that she'd never be able to read it because it was just random letters and numbers. She recovers and asks Jessica about her favorite type of character to play. It's okay, but Lara notes that this would not fly in the real world. Erin is , and is the elfiest interviewer in elfland. She tells us that she runs on adrenaline in this competition, so is ready for anything that's thrown at her. To her credit, she is, and barely blinks when the teleprompter goes out. Laura notes that Erin is in control of the interview.
Then there's Brittany. Ann says that you can practically see the wheels turning in her head. She's getting ready to ask the question rather than listening. Rae is , and Ann and Lara disparage her slouch. We don't get to see much of the interview, or if she gets thrown by the teleprompter. So, I'm guessing she actually did just fine. Finally, there's Nicole. She is pretty nervous, on account of her lack of social graces. She brings these into her interview by noting that Jessica plays a washed-up child star on her show. I guess this is actually true, though, since Jessica answers the question by saying that her character found out that she was pregnant while in rehab. Nicole tells us that she remembered the instruction to try to make connections between the interviewee's answer and your follow-up questions. So she asks 20-year old Jessica if she's ever had kids of her own. Laura puts her head in her hands. Yeah.
Lara and Ann give the girls their critiques, and explain that they weren't just being mean by blanking out the teleprompter -- they were seeing if the girls could think on their what? Feet. Nicole is first to get the bad news, which is that her nerves got the best of her and she asked a few really inappropriate questions. Basically, nobody wants to know if Jessica Lowndes had an abortion. Erin got up on the stage and was in control of the interview. She did a terrific job all-around. And then there's Rae. Ann and Lara were talking about her, and couldn't remember what was so special about her performance. Of course. Being memorable, Ann Shoket says, is really important, even if you're remembered for being insufferable. Lara tells Jennifer that she was unflappable, and owned it. She was impressed. Laura, sadly, was flappable. She gave the huge pause and the curse when the teleprompter went out, which was not okay. And the winner is... Erin. Yay? Ann tells Erin that she was charming and so sweet. Sundai interviews, "Erin is not charming at all. Erin is obnoxious." Ann Shoket probably has a relative view of charm. In any case, Erin gets to pick two friends to share in her Seventeen beauty story. She chooses Jennifer and Rae. Ann Shoket leaves with a customary, "Bye ladiieeeeeess! We travel with Rae, Jennifer and Erin to their photo shoot. Erin says that she's the happiest camper we've ever seen. I hate camping, and campers. She smirks her way through her shoot. Rae looks sort of ghostly. Jennifer is winning and not lazy-eyed! Who knew?
Back at the house, there is a ring at the door. The girls go outside to find big presents. Jennifer immediately thinks, "Shoes!" Okay, she is hilarious. Alas, it is not shoes. Brittany reads the Tyra Mail: "Tomorrow you will be filming your first Cover Girl commercial. We have sent over kits to assist you, as you will be writing your own scripts." Oh, yeah. The kits contain Cover Girl Exact Eyelights eye makeup, a pad of paper, and a stopwatch. The Tyra Mail continues, "Each script must be 25 seconds in length. Each script must end with, 'Exact Eyelights collection, from easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl.'" And of course there's an unwritten rule that each model must smize her way through the shoot.
The girls sit down to write, and Laura is freaking out because dyslexic people have a hard time memorizing things. She looks stressed. Sundai is stressed, too, and for the most part the other girls look a bit ill at ease. Except for Erin, of course, who lets out a chipper, "Done!" Ugh, so annoying! Nicole interviews that Erin was inconsiderate with her proclamations of completion. She wonders if Erin was doing it to intimidate the rest of them. This is the girl who tried to take a bitch down in a Walmart aisle. So, yes. Nicole practices her commercial aloud on the couch, and Jennifer asks if she's going to stay up much longer. Nicole says that she'll stay up until she memorizes the stupid thing that she wrote. This turns out to be quite late, with Nicole rationalizing that she might want to put in a good commercial performance after the disastrous interview challenge. As she vows not to go home, we head to commercials.
When we return, the girls head off to a studio, where they meet Jay Manuel. He addresses them very seriously, then makes the big reveal. They can't do a Cover Girl commercial without the latest Cover Girl -- Teyona! In case you forgot, she won last season. Teyona tells the girls that when she had to do her Cover Girl commercial it was kind of a disaster, because all she was thinking about was what Cover Girl wants. In the end, she tells the girls, you should bring your true self out. Because Cover Girl is about your true self, covered in chalky makeup. Jay first wants to see the scripts. He tells the girls that he'll pull them out of hair and makeup so he can go over their dialogue with them. However, he's not going to be out on set directing them. Rather, Nigel will direct! I'm so used to seeing only the top half of Nigel at panel that when we get a glimpse of his whole body it kind of freaks me out. Especially when he's wearing jeans.
The girls go to hair and makeup, where they meet wardrobe stylist Vanessa Geldbach and chat with Teyona. Teyona tells Laura how cool it is that this cycle they get to work with the Cover Girl crap-last eyeshadow AND eyeliners. Also, there's mascara! Riveting, I know. Thank goodness Teyona is there to help the girls with her stellar product placement. Jay meets with Nicole, and asks her how she sees herself as a Cover Girl. Nicole says that she's always been dorky and awkward. Jay likes it. In an interview, Nicole says that pulling off the Cover Girl commercial is essential, since you can't just be a pretty face in the modeling industry. You have to be able to project the kind of personality that a client is looking for. She doesn't sound at all stoned as she says this, which either means that she's learning or that she never actually sounded stoned in the first place. Nicole heads on set with Nigel, who gives her a tour of the set and tells her to be herself. Nicole's script starts off with, "Sometimes, I like to let my eyes do the talking." Then she totally forgets her script. Twice. And then, Nigel tells her to actually embody what she's saying... by smizing. They just won't let it go, will they? But Nicole smizes the hell out of her take and gets applause from Nigel. He tells us that Nicole started off kind of week, but she pulled through and progressed. Victory!
Sundai is . She starts off her commercial by saying that brown eyes can be very common, but very beautiful. She then goes crazy with the word "luckily," and Nigel tells her to tone the luckily down. Sundai continues and is sort of squeaky and weird. Nigel tells us that Sundai was disappointing, and her performance was very amateur. Back in the land of hair and makeup, Teyona asks the girls if writing their scripts was nervewracking. Jennifer cops to having nerves, then also calls out Erin for being a quick-finish asswipe. Erin interviews that right now she's very confident -- she's a winner and the other girls are going to have to deal with it. Has anyone else noticed that her entire countenance is getting yellower as the season goes on? It's either jaundice or a pissy aura.
Jennifer is up with her commercial. She goes for the Ann Shoket market by starting her dialogue with the words, "Hey girls!" The full thing goes, "Hey girls! Did you know that no matter where you are or what you're doing it only takes three steps to brighten your eye color?" And then the exact craplights blah blah blah. Jennifer looks great and is totally a natural with the talking. Nigel tells us that Jennifer does have something, and that something is natural charm.
Meanwhile, Jay meets with Laura. He asks her who she'd feel most comfortable talking to about gross makeup. Laura would feel most comfortable with her little sister, so Jay tells her to talk to her rather than read the script. Laura heads onto set with Nigel, looking lovely. She tells Nigel her story: today's her sister's birthday, and Laura has bought her Cover Girl Exact Eyelights and is explaining how wonderful they are. Nigel loves Laura's method acting approach, and then Laura confesses, "I didn't really get her nothin' for her birthday." And instead of a cake they had cowpies. If there's ever a Hee-Haw remake, this girl is a lock. And I say that with fondness, because I love her. Laura starts her commercial with the line, "Whether you're from a big city or a small town, we all want to catch someone's eye." Cute, right? But she has some serious problems remembering and delivering the lines. Laura tells Nigel that she's dyslexic and so has a hard time memorizing, and says that the best thing she can do when she messes up is to start from where she left off. Nigel tells her to stop, compose herself, and then start again. Laura does this and manages to get through the commercial. Nigel tells us that Laura did a miserable job learning her lines, but a fantastic job bringing herself and her personality to the shoot.
Makeup artist Bruce Grayson works with Brittany, espousing the virtues of the Eyelights eyeliner. And then it's time for Brittany's commercial take. She says, "In a hurry or on the go, I always enhance my natural look. Looking beautiful has never been this simple." She sounds like a more robotic GPS voice, even though the lines are clearly memorized. Nigel tells us that Brittany knew her lines the best, but was boring and robotic. Hey, that's what I just said! Nigel's robot Cover Girl impression is pretty stellar, if you can believe it.
Jay tells Rae that it's paramount for her to come off as herself in the commercial, and also be beautiful, relatable and likable. Lucky for her, she's all of those things. Not so lucky is her inability to work any enthusiasm into her reading of the line, "My true blues are constantly changing -- from clear blue skies to cloudy blue grays." And then she blanks. She stumbles a bunch, and gets frustrated with herself. Nigel tells her to pick up the pace, and adds that the essence of Rae isn't coming through. If they don't see her, he overdubs, she can't successfully represent Cover Girl. Poor Rae can't get it together, and looks rather miserable. Nigel tells us that if you can't show any personality, you can't be likable. And being likable is what being a Cover Girl and a top model is all about.
is Brittany, who has covered up her cleavage this week even though the back of her dress is all cut out at the top. We see her best take, and Kim notes that the whole thing seemed too scripted. Nigel says that Brittany memorized her script better than anyone, but didn't put any personality into her commercial. Tyra asks Brittany what her personality is, and Brittany says she's multi-dimensional. Tyra thinks that's a hunk of crap, and says that no little girl out in the world is going to see this commercial and love Brittany because she's multi-dimensional. Tyra thinks that Brittany should have played up the mathematician angle and say something like, "I'm all about the numbers, and this product is one plus one equals three." All of the other judges praise her for this, even though it makes no sense. It must be kind of encouraging to spend your entire life surrounded by sycophants.
Nicole is , and Tyra asks what's up with her glasses. Nicole explains that she actually can't see without them. Tyra is dubious, but Kim likes it and declares it "geek chic." Nicole's commercial isn't perfect, but I think it's totally charming and good. Nigel tells her that she started off weak, but progressed really quickly. Tyra says that it wasn't Nicole's natural personality, but it popped. The way that she says this, though, makes me think that she kind of hates Nicole. Miss J. is really into Nicole's neck extension, and likes that she kicked it up a bit. Rae is , and is nervous about seeing herself on camera. And, oof. Her best take is pretty terrible. Tyra calls Rae out on her fake smile at the end, which is just painful. She feels Rae trying to push. It's almost there, but she actually needs a shove. Kim points out that Rae had no smile until the end of the commercial, and then she was done. Nigel wanted Rae to come through and have fun with the commercial, but she couldn't do it. Miss J. points out that Rae kept moving around, but in a weird and jerky fashion. This critique is not good news.
Sundai is , and Miss J. lets out an, "Oh, Lord" as she approaches panel. Tyra, however, says that Sundai looks great. Not as great is Sundai's commercial. Tyra and Miss J. do a pretty fantastic impression of Sundai's weird line reading, in which they basically just call her crazy. Kim says that she was too focused on Sundai's saleswoman side, instead of her beautiful eyes. Tyra tells Sundai that her script was amazing, but she didn't have to be such a car salesman about it. And, finally, there's Erin. She admits being really frustrated at the commercial shoot, and starts crying before they even show her commercial. And then of course things get worse, because the commercial is dismal. Nigel notes that she was crying throughout the whole shoot, and her makeup had to be redone four times. She'd break down after every other word. Kim points out that, since Erin wrote the script herself, it should have been easier to memorize. Tyra tells Erin that she needs to learn the difference between what her face looks like on a still camera, and on a motion camera. The motion camera does not like her face as much as the still camera does, in part because of her tendency to keep her chin up. Metaphorically, it's a good thing. Literally, not so much. Erin is defeated.
The judges deliberate. Jennifer showed that she was extremely charismatic and approachable. Laura was not so great, but there's still potential there, according to Miss J. Nigel thinks that she's a lovely and charming girl, but she has some issues that will be difficult to get through. Nigel thought Nicole was going to be boring, but she was directable. Also, she was smizing, even if she was not modeling H to T. Rae didn't come off as a star, according to Kim, but visually she's attractive. Nigel says that there's no wow factor, and Miss J. adds that she's forgettable. Tyra thinks that Rae is good, not great. She'll get the job done, but it's not going to be amazing. Sundai's commercial was awkward to watch, even though she's pretty. To her credit, she rolled with the punches and laughed as Tyra and Miss J. mocked her. Nigel was extremely disappointed in Erin, who was terrible. Kim says that the way she acted on set was not acceptable. Tyra, however, seems to have a soft spot for Erin and says that she's so hard on herself that she gets in her own way. Brittany was very rehearsed, if very professional. Also, she should talk about how much she likes math. And with that, the judges have reached a decision.
There are seven girls standing before Tyra, but only six screen grabs in her hands. And the first screen grab goes to the girl who had the best commercial -- Jennifer. She didn't have much competition this week, did she? Nicole is , followed by Brittany, Sundai and Laura. This leaves Rae and Erin in the bottom two. They stand there looking like conjoined elf twins as Tyra delivers the news. Rae's weakness is not standing out, and not being as strong with her presence as she is with her beauty. She should try having some personality once in a while. And then there's Erin, who takes some of the strongest pictures in the competition. But this isn't America's Top PHO-to Model. This is America's Top Model. Also, she needs to hold it together. No one has ever required four makeup touch-ups in the competition, and there have been some stank divas on this show. Nonetheless, Erin gets her photo and Rae is eliminated with only a set of black roots to take home.
Rae packs and tells us that she hasn't really allowed herself to think about this being the end of her Top Model journey. However, she can't wait to see her daughter. Now that Rae has a taste for what modeling can be all about, she has more of a passion for it and is ready to go out and achieve her dream. She seems like a genuinely lovely person, so I hope some good comes out of this whole experience.