Can you believe we're at the final four already? Sam, McKey, Analeigh and Marjorie kick off the week by meeting up with Paulina for a teach about how to act in commercials using effective facial expressions. The girls have to relish the smell of herring and the feel of toilet paper and hear a variety of news on the phone that makes them angry or excited or prone to overacting. They must use what they've learned in the teach at the week's challenge, which has them appearing in a commercial audition in which they must flirt with a guy while running on a treadmill and then run up and kiss him. Male model Mark Vanderloo is the object of their collective affection, and the receiver of a bunch of awkward pecks. In general the girls all do pretty well, though it's Marjorie and her new and improved sense of joie de vivre who actually wins the challenge. She gets a big boost after her last appearance in the bottom two, and also a $10,000 shopping spree that she shares with Analeigh.
Marjorie is feeling so good that she decides to invite over the guys who drove the boats during the go-sees. If history and Shandi have taught us anything, it's that things are about to get all “YOU HAD SEX?!?”-ish. To speed that process along, Marjorie asks the guys to bring over some wine. It turns out that she's the only one of the girls who drinks. It's an advantage in this case as it means there's more for her! While McKey wrestles one of the guys and Sam impresses another with her card tricks (?????), Marjorie makes out with another then hops into the bathtub with him. Even though they're fully clothed, Marjorie's boyfriend/cockblocker Analeigh is having none of this and she and the other girls rally to kick out the Dutch boys before Drunkenstein Marge can be defiled. Thanks, Analeigh, for spoiling all the fun.
The photo shoot for the week has the girls posing in crazy high-fashion clothes with extreme hair and makeup in the Dutch countryside. There are windmills, there are pitchforks. While McKey and Analeigh pose with ease, Sam and Marjorie both have trouble getting into the groove and only ramp it up in their final few frames. Everyone's final shot turns out pretty good, though. At panel, Marjorie battles her nerves by getting drunk and/or being boring, and the judges don't know what to do with her other than send her home. And with that, we have our final three!
Come back on Tuesday for our full recap. In the meantime, talk about the show in our forums and look back at the fiercest moments.
Previously on ANTM: Go-sees resulted in fierce strutting for some, and nervous wreckage for Marjorie. Tyra photographed the girls with both plain and seriously made up faces, and Elina's rigid demeanor and all-over ass-facedness got her the boot. Four bitches remain - can you believe we're so close to the end?
The girls return home after judging and Sam celebrates being in the top four and having photo of the week. She's so excited that she does a cartwheel, which has the added benefit of allow the ponytail at the top of her head to sweep a bit of the floor. As the girls sit around in the kitchen Sam tells Marjorie that now she's experienced the bottom two. Marjorie is still pretty glum about it, and notes that McKey's the only one who hasn't landed in the bottom. Sam says that she was predicting that Marjorie and Elina would be in the bottom two just because of "the go-see thing." Marjorie repeats, "Yeah, the go-see thing," with a wry laugh. We flash back to panel in sepia tones, which means that the situation is very sad and serious. Marjorie tells us that everything counts now and you can't really have an off day. Her new plan is "to calm down rather than freak out as usual." This seems like a positive strategy, right? I really would like to just throw Marjorie in the middle of a gaggle of Oprah's life coaches and see what happens. Minus Suze Orman, of course, because we have to be gentle with our little Marge and I don't think she's at the point of wanting to cash in her 401(k) yet anyway.
Tyra Mail! Rather, Tyra Post! The girls take pains to call it "Tyra Post" all throughout the episode, which makes me think that Tyra and/or the producers on Tyra's behalf had a talk with them to ensure that the viewing audience appreciated their clever efforts. Anyway, Tyra Post: "A model who knows how to sell makes the most sense. Love, Tyra." Don't tell me they're going to force Marjorie to go door-to-door shilling encyclopedias?
And speaking of Marjorie, Analeigh is giving her yet another softly-lit pep talk with a soft but dramatic piano backing track. She says that Tyra thinks Marjorie is a good model, and her criticisms are all about the nerves. Marjorie replies that they see her as being fragile, and she doesn't like being thought of as weak. Analeigh says that if the judges thought that, Marjorie wouldn't still be here. I have to say, it is pretty amazing that she came out of go-see week alive. Marjorie tells Analeigh that she doesn't know how to fake it. That's what she said! Er, sorry. She interviews that she doesn't know how to have a balance between her nerves and showing personality. When she loses her nerves she loses her edge, so she needs to be at least a little nervous. Right. I think it's the difference between being an interesting, authentic person and having your nerves be so unmanageable that people think you might benefit from a mild sedative. Right now, Marjorie veers uncomfortably toward the latter. Analeigh tells her that it's all acting as Marjorie continues to look tortured. Wait, does this mean that Analeigh isn't REALLY all about peace and puppies and sunshine? I feel so betrayed!
The day the girls head to a big building where they meet Paulina. She's looking gorgeous and is surrounded by, as Analeigh describes them, very curiously stocked tables -- tables containing little fish and toilet paper and the like. Paulina tells the girls that as models their primary task is to sell. Perfume, clothing, ass, etc. And 90% of the time, models must sell without speaking. Unless you are in the running for the Star Search spokesmodel competition, which is a different beast altogether. Paulina is going to introduce the models to a couple of tricks on how to incorporate their senses into selling wordlessly. Rule 1: Don't spit out the umeboshi.
Paulina starts out with the tough stuff, leading the girls over to a table full of herring. She asks how they might use their sense of smell. Analeigh takes a big whiff of the fish and looks up ecstatically. Marjorie knows that look well. Analeigh tells us that sometimes as models you have to sell gross stuff, and just suck it up. McKey looks like she wants to lick the herring. She tells Paulina that it kind of smells like the beach in the morning, so is actually pleasant. Paulina tells her to use it. Marjorie, who is wearing a sweater with strawberries on it, looks like she's relieved to smell the fish. Paulina likes it. Sam takes a big whiff and looks satisfied, though she interviews afterward that she had questions about how sanitary the whole endeavor was. , Paulina takes the girls to a table full of toilet paper. It's so soft and fluffy and long! You can touch it, or rub it on your face! I have to say this whole exercise is getting a little porny. Sam poses with her toilet paper high-fashion style, as McKey holds a roll as if it's her favorite teddy bear. McKey tells us that she loves Paulina and it's very exciting to work with her, however it's intimidating because she's also a judge and they all want to stay on her good side.
Paulina then hands the girls a phone and wants to see on their faces certain expressions such as happy and romantic. Marjorie is jittery and nervous even in her most romantic of moments, apparently, but says that eventually she got more comfortable in the challenge because Paulina was so good at facilitating the situation. Paulina gives us a rundown of the girls' performances. McKey's portrayal of the senses was all very model-like and everything was a pose. Marjorie's strength lays in her believability because all of her emotions are so accessible. Analeigh is a very natural actress but wasn't aware of the camera. Sam is really a clown and was good at showing the happy senses. Paulina thinks that today's lesson was good for all the models, and certainly better than a teach with Janice Dickinson where you'd emerge completely bloodied and devoid of your will to live.
Back at home there is more Tyra Post: "Your delivery better be on the Mark. Love, Tyra." Maybe they're filming a segment of "Mark Wahlberg talks to models"? Sam is thinking that they'll have to use their expressions in a commercial, and McKey seconds that wordless emotion. Sam and McKey lie in bed and talk about how much effort they're putting into the competition, and how much they want to win. McKey interviews that winning is much more important to her now than when she first walked into the house because she's put so much effort into it. She doesn't want to say, "I tried," she wants to say, "I did it." One very exciting thing that she's done since last week is lose her vaguely European accent. Well done, McKey! Sam tells us that all of the girls left have the potential to be America's Top Model. However, she's made it this far and wants to keep going and win. "It's just like....rrrrrrrrrrrrgh!" she explains eloquently as we head to commercials.
And speaking of commercials, tell me you wouldn't eat only herring and very soft toilet paper for eternity before watching the Tyra Banks-produced DVD The Clique? With each passing day I become more convinced that this woman must be stopped.
When we return, Marjorie elaborates a bit on her new strategy, saying that she's trying to push the self-doubt out and just live in the present moment. She hopes it works. I kind of do and kind of don't, since sometimes it's fun to see Marjorie get flustered, until it gets painful. The girls head to a place called Amsterdam Worldwide, which is apparently a top ad agency, where Paulina is waiting for them. She introduces them to Amsterdam Worldwide's creative director, Richard Gorodecky. Turns out the girls are going to get the opportunity to audition for a 30-second commercial for a sport shoe. Richard explains the concept with the help of some illustrations. The girls will be jogging past a taxi, wherein there is a really cute guy. They have a moment and exchange smiles. Then the taxi stops. The guy gets out and with wanton abandon the jogging girl, played by our models, runs up to him and gives him a big smackerooni on the lips. Then she steals his taxi. Fierce! The script is entirely wordless, which means the girls are going to have to use their expressions, like how Paulina taught them. And then there's the most exciting news. The girls will have a supermodel partner. It is none other than super-male-model Mark Vanderloo, known from campaign he's done for Versace, Calvin Klein and others. I don't know, he looks kind of like the vampire Lestat in person. Nonetheless, the girls are all horny and/or flustered. Sam interviews that they'll be, "kissing...him...together...[smack]...weird." What's more, the winner of this competition will receive a $10,000 shopping spree at G-Star, which everyone is doubly horny about.
As the girls wait for their auditions to commence, Sam notes with wonder that they're going to be kissing a Calvin Klein supermodel and asks the other girls if they think they're supposed to kiss with tongue. The answer is a resounding no. Good question, though. Sam is first to audition, and Richard explains that she'll be running on a treadmill. She was expecting to do it outside, so is a bit thrown off. Also, there's not an actual taxi in the room. I don't know how she's going to work around THAT. Sam jogs and flirts, jogs and flirts and mouths "OH MY GOD!" Then she runs to Mark, pauses for a moment, and plants one on the lips. It's a pretty good kiss -- long-ish but not sloppy at all. Just the kind of kiss you'd give a stranger in a taxi. Paulina tells Sam that she did a really good job, and Mark adds that she was very convincing. Sam tells us that it was like Mark was an actor, and she was an actress, and it was professional and not horny-making at all. That's kind of too bad, actually.
Analeigh is . She runs like an ice skater, as you might expect. She gives Mark some coy looks and manages to avoid saying, "Yo." She runs up to him and gives him bedroom eyes before landing a soft peck on his pillow lips. Paulina and Richard both seem to think that she did a very good job. Analeigh interviews that Mark's lips were soft and voluptuous and she enjoyed it rather a lot. I hope her boyfriend Marjorie doesn't hear her saying that. McKey is . She says she feels a lot of pressure to do well, and doesn't want to be in the bottom two until she's in the final two. She runs and flirts as much as she can from under those floppy helmet bangs. She then jogs up to Mark, wraps her arms around his neck, and kisses him. As she exits the room Richard leans over to Paulina and notes that it's not easy. I guess McKey is not a convincing boy-in-taxi kisser. If the script called for her to punch him, though, she would have been awesome.
is Marjorie. She reiterates that her new approach is to have fun with everything that happens rather than being completely neurotic. I think she's trying very hard to convince herself that this approach is even possible. She runs all hunchback-like then flips her head back and forth like a kitten watching a tennis match as she flirts. She then ambles over to Mark, hesitates for a moment, and gives him a big one on the lips. Giggling, she runs off. Paulina thinks that Marjorie's performance was refreshing, and Richard says it wasn't exactly what he was expecting, which is always nice to see. Marjorie is pleased. She's ecstatic and upbeat, and Sam tells her with some skepticism that she's changed. Marjorie says that she was in the bottom two before, but now can get over it and enjoy the moment. That's not very European of her at all, is it?
Paulina and Richard call the girls back together to give critiques and announce the winner. Paulina tells Sam that she was adorable, but went a bit over the top in her adorableness. It was a calculated sort of adorable, like that "Hang in there!" kitten. Her performance was the hammy one, according to Paulina. Well, slap her on an English muffin with a fried egg and call her breakfast! Analeigh was cute and sweet, according to Paulina, and Richard tells her that she's a good actress as well as a beautiful model. The Ice Castles remake has found its star, I tell you! McKey flirted really well, but wasn't necessarily up to par on the kissing part. Marjorie was a bit awkward and, according to Paulina, a little scary, but her originality level was a ten. And her performance also could have been an audition for Law and Order: SVU. Richard thought that she was very believable and her performance was the most honest, which he says is quite a skill. And Marjorie wins! She is very excited, and tells us that she's living in the moment. Paulina tells her that she gets to pick a friend to share in the bounty. She of course chooses Analeigh.
Marjorie and Analeigh head to G-Star, where a representative asks Marjorie how she wants to split the $10,000 spree. She says evenly, which is really nice of her. I sure hope Analeigh pays her back by preventing her from getting date raped or something. Analeigh is very thankful that Marjorie shared her prize, and says that if she would have won she also would have chosen Marjorie in a heartbeat. For her part, Marjorie is happy to have split the prize evenly with her best bud.
Back at home, there is Tyra Post! "Tomorrow you'll be going Dutch, but you're gonna have to give 100%. Love, Tyra." The girls all try to remember what the saying "going Dutch" means, but have no idea. The optimistic part of me wants to classify them as post-feminist, while the realistic part of me just thinks they're dumb. And then, a thing happens. Analeigh announces that Marjorie is going to call "the boys" -- "the boys" being the hottie boat drivers from the go-see challenge. Sam asks Marjorie if she's sure that she wants the boys over. Marjorie, all horny from her first kiss, definitively says yes. Analeigh interviews that Marjorie is spastic all the time now. Whereas before she was simply dour, now she's manic-depressive. It's quite an improvement. On the phone Marjorie enthusiastically tells the boys to bring over some wine, because she needs pinot noir. Something tells me it's going to be a long night for the rest of the girls. Everyone gets made up, and Marjorie asks for help in choosing a better outfit, then notes that she wants a drink. I'm really surprised that the editors avoided putting in a chord of foreshadowing doom right then.
The boys arrive bringing copious amounts of food and booze. McKey tells us that she doesn't drink, and Analeigh doesn't drink, and Sam doesn't drink. This leaves Marjorie with six bottles of wine all to herself. And that's how she likes it. Don't judge, it's like a Tuesday night at my place. Marjorie seems extra spirited, and interviews that she's letting loose and having fun because of wine. She then adds, "Wine's my friend." But does wine shave your woo-hoo like your former best friend Analeigh does? I didn't think so. Though if I had to make a choice between Analeigh and wine, I think you know how things would go down. Marjorie is content to celebrate and is feeling very good altogether, and finds it positive that even though she may be slurring the room isn't spinning yet. Who knew our little French fry was such a lush?
The evening progresses, as such evenings do. First, everyone plays an innocent game of charades. Then Analeigh and Marjorie dress up one of the boys in high-heeled shoes and have him do a model walk. Then McKey wrestles another one of the boys in the corner. And then there's Sam, who's playing cards and doing magic tricks with yet another boy. And sadly, "magic tricks" is not a euphemism. Then, as Analeigh tells it, the alcohol kicked in a bit more for some of the party participants and things went from fun to messy. We see one of the boys daring Marjorie to kiss another one of the boys as much as possible in ten seconds. To Marjorie "as much as possible" apparently means "avec tongue." Everyone else watches and makes "ooooh" noises awkwardly as we head to commercials.
When we return, things have progressed even further. Analeigh tells us that she turned around for two seconds and the thing she knew Marjorie was in the bathtub fully clothed with one of the guys. As it happens, he wants to marry her. Well, as long as there's an engagement pending I don't see what's wrong with any of this. All Marjorie can say to the proposal is, "...Bernard." Analeigh hovers around the tub and asks Marjorie if she's okay. Marjorie's confidence-inspiring answer is, "I think so." One of the other boys leads Analeigh away, and tells her it's no problem. Au contraire, Dutch boy. Analeigh thinks it is a problem, indeed. She explains that Marjorie is not in a place right now where she's making good decisions, and she'd like to prevent her from making an ass out of herself. Dutch boy tells Analeigh that it's not her responsibility. Au contraire, part deux! Analeigh is a little bit of a cock blocker, but she also does have Marjorie's best interests at heart. Analeigh asks, "If you were drunk off your ass wouldn't you want someone to look out for you?" Dutch boy treats it as a rhetorical question, but Sam answers in the affirmative. The matter is settled, then. However, Bernard doesn't want to leave. Analeigh calls him "loverboy" in an attempt to get him out of the tub, to no avail. Sam tells him that he has to go, and interviews that things got sloppy and she'd had enough. At least no one's puked in the tub. Finally McKey has to threaten to remove Bernard by physical force. Having seen her wrestle, they know she can do it so Bernard gets up and reveals his little boxers. Finally the boys leave and Marjorie thanks McKey for her offer of violence.
The morning Marjorie greets Analeigh with a hug. She interviews that she thought last night was great -- there were people over and they were keeping company and drinking and having fun. I think maybe she's still drunk. She notes that because she was the only girl drinking everyone else could take care of her so she felt safe. That's one way to get your friends to really love you.
The girls hop into a van and head to the Dutch country side where they are greeted by windmills, cows and Mr. Jay. The girls will have extreme hair and makeup and pose against the gorgeous windmill backdrop. As the girls get made up, Jay introduces them to their photographer for the day, Barrie Hullegie. He cares about the whole craft of the image, which Analeigh thinks is cool, yo. Speaking of Analeigh, she's up first. She has a rusty metal chain around her neck and some sort of patio chair base around her waist. She leans on a pitchfork and Jay raves. He tells us that Analeigh tried at a lot of things and was really dynamic. They have a lot of photo options for her, which is of course a good thing. With five frames left, Analeigh asks if she can jump. And jump she does, for Tyra's love.
Marjorie is . Okay, she is definitely still drunk. She just kind of stands there for a while, then when Barrie asks her to start moving toward him she ambles and appears not to be able to hold the weight of her head on her neck. Jay tells her that she's not very graceful in her clogs, then adds that she looks crazy or like she's high or drunk or something. Marjorie laughs a drunk laugh. Jay tells us that Marjorie was awkward and was not motivating. She lacked presence despite the fact that she was wearing a pink shower curtain. Then, all of a sudden, she starts doing better. Jay notes that Marjorie wants to model now. After the shoot's over, Jay tells Marjorie that it's not just about what kind of photo she takes but how she presents herself at panel. She still unsure there, so it's the area where she needs to step up her game.
there's Sam. Even Anda and Masha have to crack up at how hideous her outfit is. Sam tells us that she hates being serious, because it's more her personality to have fun. She doesn't think that the other girls take her seriously, which she says is good because she can just roll on by them when they are unawares. Sam starts her photo shoot, and looks particularly uninspired and/or puzzled. In fairness, she is wearing a shower curtain too, which must be a confusing feeling. Jay tells her to watch her leg, which she is totally straightening, as it looks like a block of wood. Barrie asks Sam to walk toward him, then has to tell her to watch her face. Jay wonders what happened to the inventive and inspiring Sam of last week. Sam indicates that her shoes are hurting her, and Jay basically tells her to get over it. He tells us that there's no excuse, at this point in the competition, to be so weak, and adds that Sam went from a 10 to a 0. With six frames left Jay tells Sam that she's doing kind of a terrible job and needs to pull it together but quick. And then she does! Suddenly she's working her shovel like nobody's business. Jay tells her that her last seven frames are so strong, and wonders why he had to yell at her to get her to go from 0 to 100. Sam says that it just took time to click. Jay tells her that she doesn't have time. Sam interviews that she sucked really bad. She's very sad, and cries when she goes back into makeup. Sutan soaks up her tears with an applicator sponge and tells her that you never know. It is always a good rule of thumb to believe that somebody can suck worse than you. Keep hope alive.
Finally we have McKey. As you might have guessed from her Renaissance Faire wardrobe of a couple of weeks ago, McKey knows how to work a rusty chain. She climbs on a part of the windmill, and everyone loves it. Jay tells us that McKey is so good because she loves to try different things. She did everything, and did everything right. Upon her last frame, Jay exclaims that she's genius. And that's a wrap.
Back at home, Sam talks to McKey about how hard and painful it was to walk in the clogs. She confessionalizes that she did the worst she's ever done, then mock-punches herself in the head. Well, that's one way of dealing with your pain. Sam messed up and it sucks, but she hopes that Tyra sees something in her and keeps her in the competition. Meanwhile, Marjorie pours herself another glass of wine. She confessionalizes that she has to look relaxed at panel. Sam notes that she thinks Marjorie is drunk again. McKey just thinks that Marjorie is enjoying her new mentality. As Marjorie eschews her old ways every more with each sip, we head to commercials.
When we return it's panel time. Instead of doing anything involving windmills or the country or extreme hair and makeup Tyra poses in the same La Dolce Vita theme as always. In happy news, through some Photoshopping accident she has been given a club foot. In any case, there are prizes, there are judges. Ann Shoket is the guest judge. Tyra calls her sexy, after which Ann smiles widely. This is what keeps Seventeen coming back cycle after cycle, folks.
McKey is up first for critique in yet another cracked-out ensemble that everybody loves. Nigel likes her photo, saying that it's unusual and very different for her. Paulina thinks that her face looks phenomenal. Ann can't get enough of her legs. Tyra says that McKey is finding her signature, which is about strength and femininity at the same time. Marjorie is . The thing about Marjorie is that she literally CAN just stand there and have a great picture. Miss J. thinks that her photo is 100% editorial. Paulina says that she looks like a UFO just beamed her down in the middle of the Dutch countryside. In a good way. Tyra says that although this picture stuck out to her, she wasn't very impressed with Marjorie's film. In fact, it seemed like Marjorie was shrinking a bit and was more introverted than usual. Marjorie just stands there expressionless, listening. Tyra points out that Marjorie is fighting her nerves, but now is flat. She gives the good tip that the opposite of nerves is not boring. Poor Marjorie doesn't know what to do. Maybe she actually did take a mild sedative?
Sam is . She still doesn't know how to dress. Miss J. thinks that her picture is "very Sam" -- busted down, broken, but still fabulous. Ann loves her face in the photo, and Tyra compliments Sam on her naturally downturned top lip. Tyra's mouth, in case you were wondering, is just round. She does her best blow-up doll impersonation to underscore this point. Tyra notes that Sam's last 5 - 10 frames were gorgeous, but the rest of the film was not so hot. Last up we have Analeigh in one of her jumping shots. Miss J. hisses that he's living for the madness. He sounds like the lead singer of the Riverbottom Nightmare Band. Nigel thinks it's the best picture of the bunch because it's almost as if she's been inspired by the windmill. Paulina loves it too. Ann enjoys the fact that Analeigh is so sweet in person -- like icing and sugar and cotton candy -- but her picture is wicked fierce.
The judges deliberate. Analeigh's shot is great, and she is a girl to be reckoned with according to Ann. Miss J. loves this photo, but doesn't think she's had that many great photos overall. Tyra disagrees, and Paulina says that now Analeigh has got it, she's got it good. Sam has had some of the most consistently good pictures throughout the competition, however Tyra is worried about how long it took her to get this photo. Tyra is also sad for Sam that she has such terrible fashion sense. Paulina agrees that when Sam stands in front of you, she doesn't say "model." Marjorie's picture is very strong editorially. However, in losing her nerves she's also lost a lot of her charm. Her new personality is not an improvement. Ann even thinks she was a little condescending. Ann apparently has a chip on her shoulder about being talked down to by models. It all started in middle school, I'm sure. Miss J. loves McKey's height and body, and Paulina thinks she's fantastic and makes a great photo model. Tyra loves McKey's eyes, which burrow into her soul, and her joker lips, which Tyra wants to kind of squeeze and flick. Good times. The judges have reached a decision.
There are four beautiful young ladies standing before Tyra, but she only has three photos in her hands. And those photos represent the young ladies who are still in the running towards becoming America's Top Model. The first name that Tyra is going to call also had the best photo of the week. And it's Analeigh! She's feeling good. The name Tyra is going to call is McKey. This of course leaves Sam and Marjorie in the bottom two. Marjorie takes exquisite, high-fashion photos. But her film this week was flat. The judges see a girl who doesn't understand balance. One minute she's a jittery mess, and then after a couple notes she's a boring mute. She's tried to please the judges so much that she's lost her essence, which is what was beautiful in the first place. Except when it wasn't. Then there's Sam. For some reason she doesn't get it, which works the judges' nerves. They wonder how a girl still can't understand what it means to look, stand, and project like a model. And despite having a good shot, her film overall was weak. But no matter, because Sam is staying for another week! I'm pretty surprised about that, I have to say. So is Sam by the looks of it.