Just as all good things must come to an end, all mediocre things must come to an end, too. And so it is that we bid adieu to the eleventh cycle of America’s Top Model. Our three finalists -- McKey, Samantha and Analeigh -- follow tradition and film a Cover Girl commercial. One line is in Dutch, and the girls find themselves kissing yet another male model. They are shilling some sort of minty lip gloss that cycle 10 winner Whitney claims to love, probably because if you close your eyes and breathe in deeply you think you’re eating mint chocolate chip ice cream. Anyway, there are some commercial surprises. Sam does so-so, while McKey does the best out of the three and Analeigh, who we’ve been told repeatedly is a natural actress, bites it. The girls then shoot a Cover Girl print ad. Sam’s smile is forced, Analeigh totally has a floating eye, and McKey is basically perfection. The first cut is the deepest and the panel sends Analeigh home with only a giant peace sign necklace to wipe away her tears.
We thus have the butchest final two ever! Sam and McKey have the pleasure of partaking in a shoot for Seventeen (featuring Ann Shoket in a top stolen from Sheena’s closet), and then a runway show with a crazy-ass Candyland/Dr. Seuss pink, hilly runway designed by Mr. Jay. It is so impractical that they actually have to run up one particularly big hill because if they don’t have momentum they’ll fall down bass-ackwards. The show is for Dutch fashion designer Addy van de Fleugelheugelkeugelsmeugelmiller, and actually seems to draw a decent audience not made up of Bankable Productions staff members and/or vagrants. Neither McKey nor Sam is the strongest walker, but each does her Lurch-like best to get through the show, and no one falls or trips an extra on stilts. The judges pretend to have their work cut out for them, but in the end I doubt that it was too hard a decision to choose McKey as the winner. I’ve been kind of neutral on McKey the whole season, but I am thankful that she was chosen to be America’s Top Model for no other reason than that she uses her brute force to literally sweep all of the judges off of their feet and in the process scares the bejeezus out of Tyra. Maybe now she can go back to calling herself Brittany? [But then she wouldn't sound like an Irish locksmith! - Zach]
Discuss this episode in our forums, then look back at ANTM's Wackiest Cycle Ever! And check back week for the full recap!
Previously on ANTM: We had fourteen finalists who battled it out in a fierce fight throughout the entire flipping competition! Some, like Lauren Brie, were instantly awesome and nonsensically eliminated. Some, like Nikeysha, were mere blips of suckage on the reality TV landscape and were booted before we could get too riled up about them either way. Three girls have survived it all! They are:
McKey, the strong yet feminine beauty from Lake Forest, Illinois who's shown consistent growth and improvement in her photos from week to week but faltered in her first attempt at a Cover Girl commercial and has a second personality who speaks in a vaguely European accent. The third personality enjoys wearing chain mail.
Analeigh, the pretty and peace-loving (as evidenced by that monstrosity that continuously hangs off of her neck, and no, I'm not talking about Marjorie) girl from Sacramento, California who has taken some impressive photos but struggled to work her figure skating background into her posing. She eventually figured out her body, but can she conquer her face? Am I imagining it, or is that kind of a harsh question?
Samantha, the athletic and adorable girl from Woodland Hills, California who barely escaped elimination after offending designer Jeremy Scott and his mullet. Sam managed to turn it around with a stellar photo, but the judges think she's very commercial and know for a fact that she doesn't know how to dress.
Three bitches, one top prize, 66% of dreams shattered. And that's just how Tyra likes it.
It is night in Amsterdam. And there is Tyra Mail! You see folks, there's a lot of ground to cover in the final episode and we don't have time to reflect on how anyone is or is not sad that Marjorie is gone. Analeigh certainly seems plenty peppy as she reads the mail: "Makkelyk, Fris, Mooi! Love, Tyra." I'm sure this actually translates into "Tyra Uber Alles," though the girls seem convinced that it means "Easy, Breezy, Beautiful!" Yes, folks, it's Cover Girl time. It's always Cover Girl time. Get ready for a zit or two to pop out just from the power of the TV waves. Right to the Tyra Mail are the girls' lines for the commercial, the first of which is in Dutch. Analeigh notes that they're not going to be sleeping much. Because they're going to be shaving each others' va-jay-jays all night again? These bitches need to look into waxing for special occasions like this.
The morning the girls head to their location where they meet Mr. Jay. He is wearing a shirt that makes you think you cracked your back and are having an acid flashback. This is perhaps why the girls are facing the opposite way and he has to yell, "Behind you!" For the first time in his life, I'm sure. He's psyched, because today they're going to be filming commercials in a little boat that's docked behind him, and shooting a print ad in a nearby building. Both, of course, are for Cover Girl. The winner's photo will be a national ad and a billboard in Times Square, and the winner will also be in Wal-Mart stores across America. Let's hope said winner has some experience checking and bagging that she'll be able to put to use. In Analeigh's case maybe they'll just let her be a greeter.
Jay asks if the girls can imagine having that kind of exposure before noting that he knows someone who can. And that person is of course Cycle 10 winner Whitney. Boy am I glad that her plus-sized, New York City-emptying reign of terror is coming to an end. Whitney explains that she's there to introduce new Cover Girl WetSlicks AmazeMint lip gloss. Didn't she already do that a few episodes ago? Anyway, new Cover Girl WetSlicks AmazeMint lip gloss contains Crest peppermint oil which gives you a boost of fresh breath while brightening your smile. Well I guess I can throw away that pesky old toothbrush now! New Cover Girl WetSlicks AmazeMint lip gloss is going to come particularly in handy today, as the girls will have to deliver a scene-stealing kiss at the end of their commercials. They are getting action all over Amsterdam! Jay hopes that each girl has her lines memorized, because they are all going to have to deliver the essence of Cover Girl. Goopy!
The girls get made up backstage and Analeigh notes how good new Cover Girl AmazeMint lip gloss smells. Whitney says that it's not sticky at all, unlike SOME other gross lip glosses. I believe that not one bit, but if Cover Girl would like to send me a case to test I'd be happy to put a neutral lip to the challenge. Analeigh tries to practice her lines on Sutan without much success. She says that she hardy got any sleep last night, because she was having nightmares of Marjorie stealing her lip gloss and painting "Property of Analeigh" all over her naked body, and that though she thought she had all of her lines down they went "poof," like so many ANTM stylists, as soon as she got to hair and makeup. That is a familiar, third-place kind of story.
The girls all head off on the boat, and tell us what the story of the commercial is, montage-style. Apparently, it's about three girls who are having fun on a vacation and then spot a cute boy. They don't want to talk to him, so instead decide to go up to him and kiss him. Clearly. And then they have a ménage a quatre on the high seas, and the whole time the lip gloss never budges. No rainbow parties for these girls! That's a quality product!
Sam films her commercial first under the watchful eye of Jay and Cover Girl representative Elyssa Traub. She flounders a bit at first, and Jay tells her not to lose eye contact with the camera, and also to always deliver her lines with confidence and a smile. Jay tells us that Sam is usually the girl who brings a ton of energy to the set, but today it was very apparent that she was holding back. Not good. Sam then has to kiss the random boy, and she says she hopes that he doesn't have herpes. I'm sure new CoverGirl WetSlicks AmazeMint lip gloss has STD-killing properties as well. Like Lysol for your lips! Seriously, did you ever read the back of a can of Lysol? It is at once impressive and terrifying, much like Tyra herself. Sam kisses the boy, and he says, "Amazing." "AmazeMint," she corrects him. And with that, Sam is free to disinfect herself.
McKey is up . We are reminded that the judges had nothing good to say about her last commercial, and she says that when she got to set she was freaking out like a jitterbug. Let's hope she can put the boom-boom into our hearts. Though she has some trouble with the lines at first, she tells us that after the third take she started getting it a bit more. Jay tells us that McKey got better and sounded good, which is what he was looking for. However, he didn't love how she looked like she was having a mild seizure the whole time. Picky!
Finally we have Analeigh, who has been decked out in big, Dallas-style 80's hair. Jay says, "Take one," and Analeigh quite unfortunately goes completely blank and starts crying. Maybe she got a good look at her bedazzled jean jacket? She tells us that she could see her dreams going down the drain. At least they smell minty fresh. With a feeling of certain doom for our little skater, we head to commercials.
When we return, four takes have not improved Analeigh's performance any. At one point she even calls the product "WetSlacks," which is certainly a Freudian slip since she is obviously pissing herself. Jay just rolls his eyes. Supportive! He tells us that Analeigh was the huge surprise today. She struggled for her lines, was very wooden, and lost her whole bubbly-girl--door thing. Jay then feeds her each line, and of course she does better. He says that Analeigh takes direction well, but just doesn't find it for herself. Analeigh has some awkward moments kissing the male model, and Jay takes pity on her and calls it a wrap.
Back on shore the girls get made up once again in preparation for their photo shoot. It is no surprise to anyone that Jim DeYonker, whose official title, I think, is "Tyra's Bitch," is the photographer for the day. Jay tells the girls that he hopes everything goes smoothly. He has only hope to rely on, since he won't be there for the shoot. He's leaving the girls alone with Jim. I bet he has to go blow out Tyra's wigs for the mid-episode judging, then file down her calluses. Don't think that his job contract isn't without fine print, okay? Sam is first up to be photographed, and Jim gives her some direction. He tells us that Sam had great energy and is a sweet girl, but definitely struggled a bit. She needs to be more clever and imaginative in how she presents herself to the camera. Analeigh is , and Jim tells her that she looks like she's ready to kick someone's ass and needs to appear a bit more friendly. Jim says that Analeigh can certainly work her body, and that's her strongest asset. She's great, he says, but there's more to modeling than just coming up with great poses. There is also smiling with your eyes! And tooching your booty! See, I've learned things over the cycles. Finally there's McKey. Jim says that she's cukoo in the head, but he loves that. You need kookiness to get different shots and variety, and McKey is definitely unique. It's good to finally hear confirmation that she's whacked in the brain, isn't it? And that's a wrap!
Back at home there is Tyra Mail. Tomorrow the girls will meet with the judges, and only two will continue on in hopes of becoming America's Top Model. The girls all look a bit sad and serious. Sam does not want one of the other girls to take away her dream, especially since she's been putting so much time and effort into it. Analeigh says that she has a chance to make it into the top two and to win the competition. She doesn't look at either Sam or McKey and think that one of them has it in the bag. Analeigh emotes, with many pauses for emphasis (or maybe Jay is feeding her lines again?), that when you want something...this badly...it's...so...painful...to know that it could just be over...so fast. Not for me. I have to say I always appreciate that Top Model limits this whole finale thing to one hour and really keeps it all moving. How else would we all have time to watch Stylista?
The girls enter the judging room and...holy shit, what is Tyra WEARING? It's like a kimono/apron combo, and her shoulder pads have apparently blocked her view to such an extent that she doesn't realize she forgot to put on pants. Trust me when I tell you that it's an alarming visage. Tyra gleefully notes that only two girls will move on to be in the final fashion show and shoot a Seventeen cover. Tyra introduces guest judge Addy van den Krommenacker. He is a preeminent designer in Holland and the final two will be walking in his fashion show. Van den Fiercenacker!
Tyra shows the girls their composite commercial. It is easy, breezy, and beautiful enough, and it's McKey's kiss that makes the final cut. We then move on to individual evaluations, starting with Samantha. Her best take has her alternately looking confused, stressed, and psychotic. Nigel tells her that she seemed distracted by herself, and that her take was choppy. Miss J. asks if she spoke Dutch at the beginning. Sam says yes, and Miss J. makes fun of her accent. As someone who characteristically sounds like he's a native of Uranus, he has no room to talk. Tyra comes to Sam's defense, saying that she thought Sam's Dutch accent was good. Addy V.D.K. agrees that the accent was good, but says that Sam wasn't very convincing. She seemed insecure, but looked great. Paulina thinks that Sam's photo is adorable, pretty and charming. However, Miss J. thinks that Sam's smile looks a bit forced. Tyra notes that Sam does not have a modelesque smile, and so needs to get in the mirror and figure it out. Sam gives a forced, unmodelesque smile before returning to her place in line.
Analeigh is up . The judges watch her best commercial take, and Tyra sings with extra vibrato that the whole thing was "paaaaaiiiiinfuuuuuuullll." Paulina asks what happened and notes that even though she thinks Analeigh is a great little actress, this sucked. Analeigh looks totally devastated. Paulina adds that Analeigh looked gorgeous, but it's cold comfort. Tyra notes that Analeigh had a teleprompter in her first commercial. She knows how to read and be natural, but failed at memorizing and being natural. The judges then look at Analeigh's Cover Girl photo. Paulina thinks it looks like a head shot for an actress. Good call there. Tyra notes that Analeigh did the same thing over and over in her film, and adds that the models do not have to smile in every single frame. Analeigh says that she kept getting feedback that she was too sexy when she closed her lips. I can't imagine Analeigh being too sexy for anything except maybe a guest appearance with the Doodlebops, but let's go with it. Tyra then demonstrates the difference between having closed lips and being sexy, and having closed lips and being not sexy. It's a lot like the difference between smiling with your eyes and not, which is to say that she just looks nuts the whole time. And on that note, how could no one have pointed out that Analeigh looks like she has a floating eye in her picture?
Finally there's McKey. I think her best commercial take is a little stiff, but Tyra exclaims, "Look at you, Miss Lady!" She says that McKey was much better in this commercial than in the one with the teleprompter, and actually showed some personality. Addy says that McKey went a little too fast, but she looked great and he believed in her. Her photo is pretty great. She has a closed-lip smile, which becomes the bane of Analeigh's existence. Paulina says it's a great example of how you don't have to show teeth to look happy, shiny, and accessible. Nigel thinks it's the first shot where any of the girls looks like a model. Addy likes that she looks a little naughty. Tyra says that McKey is naughty-sweet in this photo, but sometimes she looks naughty-crazy. She needs to watch her eyes, and her use of chain mail.
The judges deliberate. Samantha has a great personality and a great smile, and photographs beautifully, according to Paulina, and she's curious to see how Sam will do when she walks. Nigel points out that they keep saying that Sam is a great commercial model, however from her Cover Girl photo it appears that she's in fact NOT a great commercial model. I think she'd maybe be good for the Sears catalogue, or something involving auto parts. Tyra says that Sam looks like a catalogue model, but is in fact more of an edgy, fashion, editorial girl. Paulina thinks that Analeigh is a lovely girl with lovely legs that can bend and stretch into all sorts of lovely positions. But does she have the face, Paulina asks? In case you were wondering, this is not a rhetorical question and Paulina answers herself with a curt, "No." Miss J. says that Paulina might be right about Analeigh not having the face, but she does have the walk. Nigel, however, thinks that Analeigh does have the face and can model, but her poor performance in the Cover Girl commercial took the wind out of her Dutch weed-boat sails. McKey's photo is great, her commercial performance was good, and throughout the whole competition she has shown that she can listen. The one thing that scares Tyra about McKey is the possibility of her walking on a runway. Paulina agrees that McKey does have the Lurch thing going on, which prompts Miss J. to bust into a, "You raaaaang?" And with that, the judges have reached a decision.
The girls return, and Tyra looks like she's about to beam everyone back to the home planet. Seriously, what is she wearing? Analeigh looks super sad, Sam looks tense, and McKey looks entirely clueless. And we all know that cluelessness makes for good models. This is why McKey is called first. She seems mildly excited and/or majorly medicated. This leaves Analeigh and Sam in the bottom two. A lot of the judges, including Tyra, think that Analeigh has some of the strongest poses, but her weakness is her soft, sweet, cookie-dough like commercial face. Cookie dough and fashion don't mix, as any skinny bitch will tell you. The judges think it's a shame, because her body is so fantastic. Yeah, Analeigh should maybe put a bag over her head and then try signing with an agency. And then there's Samantha. She looks very commercial when she stands in front of the judges. Then they saw her picture this week, which is very confusing. If she looks commercial in front of them, she should be able to sell commercial in a cosmetics ad. That makes the judges doubt her, because clearly they have NO IDEA who she is. Truly, it is a mystery for the ages. But in the end, Samantha gets to stay. I have to say I was pretty surprised about that. I thought Analeigh might take it all despite her squishy nose. Tyra tells Sam that she has to master how she looks in person to book go-sees, and master her smile, to make money.
Tyra gives Analeigh a quick hug and asks if she's proud of herself. Analeigh is. Tyra thinks Analeigh should be proud of herself, except for the part where she sucked during her commercial. Thanks, Mama Ty. Tyra tells Analeigh that Paulina thinks she's a star actress who can get a lot of modeling campaigns, and the panel thinks that's the direction she should go. Tyra totally just told Analeigh not to be a model! Harsh. Analeigh tells us that she's very upset, but is coming out of this experience a lot stronger and wiser. She has no regrets, as regrets are mistakes you don't learn from. Dance like no one's watching, Analeigh! She says she did her best and gave her heart, and that's all she can give. Too bad she chose "heart" over "good face." Analeigh fades from the group photo and we have our final two!
Sam and McKey head to their Seventeen photo shoot, where they find Ann Shoket who has come straight from a shopping spree at whatever the Dutch equivalent of Forever 21 is. Seriously, I will take Tyra's pantsless spacesuit any day over this ruffled monstrosity. Ann Shoket needs to realize that she is 40-odd damn years old (or that her penchant for underage tops makes her look 40-odd years old). Stop the insanity! Ann points out that the winner of the competition is going to be on the cover of Seventeen. This is exciting, but all I can notice is the fact that McKey is holding a stuffed koala bear wearing a t-shirt. The hell? Ann says that they'll be shooting the cover shot today, and McKey pumps her fist. All the marsupials in the house put your hands up! The girls get made up and outfitted in hideous apparel. Sam tells us that this whole thing is "so her" because she turned seventeen just three months ago. And doesn't know how to dress. McKey tells us that this has been such a great day, and the wonder of it all has just sunk in. Ann tells us that both of the girls have astounded her today, and she thinks it's going to be a tough elimination. Can't we just keep both of the girls as co-winners and vote to eliminate Ann?
The whirlwind(mill) continues as the girls head to a large building that is the site of their runway show. They enter to find some whack pink runway that Mr. Jay thought up while playing Candyland in a meth haze. Jay greets them standing atop the runway's major hill. Yes, he has climbed to the top of fashion mountain! Sam thinks that Jay has outdone himself with his whimsical magical mystery catwalk. He tells us them that he calls this his Willy Wonka / Dr. Seussian runway. Because when an Oompa Loompa makes good, he always wants to pay tribute to the master. Doopity do. He tells the girls not to worry so much about the hills, but rather about the fact that this is a looooong walk. Whitney would have had to stop for a donut midway through, is how long it is. Jay gives them some pointers for scaling fashion mountain, then sends them into hair and makeup.
Backstage, Sam is pensive. She tells us that normally she's bouncing off of the walls, but this time she's trying to focus and think about how the heck she's going to walk. Whitney enters, too, since this will be the scene of her final hurrah. There are a bunch of other gorgeous-looking Dutch models being readied as well. McKey tells us that she's anxious and excited and can't wait for the runway show to be over, because once it's through it means she's done everything she can do in the competition and it's either going to be enough or it's not. An impressive sized audience gets seated, and then Tyra greets the girls backstage. She tells them that it's okay to say, "I'm nervous," because that relaxes you. Especially when you say it after you've popped a Xanax. She tells them to go out there and make their black mama proud. That would be her. If having a black mama is an option, I totally call Tina Turner. Tyra gives the girls a big fake laugh and a hug, and the funny part is that you can tell neither of them wants to touch her and that just being around her makes them uncomfortable. Sam tells us that the best runway show ever is about to go down, and it's going to be insane. Something tells me that Sam has never heard of a little thing called ghost brides. As we ponder the magic that "Ghost Brides in Candyland" might bring in Cycle 12, we head to commercials.
When we return it's moments before the girls will head out on the runway. McKey says really excited, but also scared that something's going to go wrong. She hopes that she can pull it all together at the last second, like so many outfits made of flouncy skirts and chain mail. Sam is so nervous that she has to fan herself. Tyra, Nigel and Paulina enter and take their seats. And then freaking Miss J. struts down the runway slowly, wearing highwater pants and holding some sort of leash that's attached to a guy all in black who's holding a giant pink balloon. A guy with a giant pink balloon is the new bejeweled cockroach. The guy then pops the balloon with his teeth. Magical!
And then it's time for the show to really begin. Whitney goes out first and the camera mercifully cuts away when it's time for her to run up fashion mountain. She does look gorgeous, though, and by the time she makes it to the end of the long-ass runway she is no longer plus-sized. Then McKey walks out. She manages to look somewhat graceful running up fashion mountain, but generally is impeded by her tendency to a) lurch; b) look down while she's walking. However, she tells us that she was basking in the glory of it all. Ananda, who is the winner of Holland's Top Model cycle four, also walks. Sam finally walks. She explains to us that if you don't run and get some speed going up fashion mountain, you'll fall backwards. Sam also, as you might recall, is not the world's best walker. She may not have the world's best runway body, either. Sorry, healthy lady. The girls change into floor-length gowns for their second outfits, then pose together at the top of fashion mountain. Sam points out that the runway is so long that you're bound to at least have a couple of decent moments in all the time you spend walking. Lucky for them. McKey interviews that she knows she's not the strongest walker in the bunch, but she gave her all. She and Sam lurch in the finale, and Addy V.D.K. makes an appearance on the runway, too. Tyra greets the girls backstage and lies that they did a great job. Jay tells Tyra that she can walk on the runway if she wants. She doesn't, opting instead to feast on a bucket of ribs before judging.
And speaking of judging, the time has come! And you guys, holy shit. Tyra looks like one crack fiend shoulder pad-loving kind of evil alien. She's no longer going to beam the final two up to the mothership, but rather decimate everyone in the room with her smiling eyes alone. Live in fear. Sam and McKey enter in their fancy dresses. Tyra tells them that they started off in this competition as little girls, and now they're lovely young sophisticated women. If Marjorie were in the final two, Tyra would be forced to say, "Now one of you is a lovely, sophisticated woman, and the other of you is still a quivering mess of French vanilla pudding." There are judges. There are prizes - a contract with Elite Model Management, a spread and a cover in Seventeen, and a $100,000 contract with Cover Girl.
And now it is time to review the girls' Top Model lives. First we look at McKey's runway performance. Miss J. says that he liked her first walk, and loved her second. Tyra liked McKey's facial expressions when she stopped in front of the judges. She didn't just serve dress, she served face. Much like how she'll be serving a delicious Moons Over My Hammy breakfast platter when this whole modeling charade is over. Nigel thinks that McKey could be a little more graceful if she learned how to walk in heels. Yeah, that's an idea. Paulina thinks that McKey's long-legged gait is beautiful. The judges then pick apart Samantha's walk. Nigel thought she looked fantastic when she came out. Miss J. says that she did exquisitely when she had a dress with a chiffon skirty overlay thingamajig. Tyra notes that she saw some worry in Sam's mouth. When Sam's worried, her pout shows it double. But a few times Tyra saw a butterfly. And then chased it to a magical land where pudding flows like a river and thus missed the end of the show.
The judges then look at the girls' photos through the ages. And by "ages" I mean past 12 weeks. In the "Voting Is Sexy" shoot of the first week, both girls relied on Modeling 101, according to Nigel. Neither was brilliant, but both showed potential. Tyra agrees, saying that Samantha broke her body in such a way that she might have actually been Modeling 201, and McKey came alive when she started to box. Then there was a swimsuit photo shoot, and both girls did marvelously. Nigel tells Sam that she looks exquisite in her photo, which is charming, sexy and feminine. Tyra tells Sam that this was the week that she became a high-fashion model and also, not coincidentally, the week that her hair was chopped off. Tyra, who must be ovulating or something, says that as soon as the hair came off Sam was like, "Waaah! Mommy, I am a model!" Tyra loves McKey's strength in her photo, and says that she has muscles, but not big ole' muscles that get in the way.
Then the girls went to Amsterdam and did a shoot on a clipper ship. This was the one where they were decked out in crazy goth pirate clothes. Both were good, but Nigel says that McKey's shot was her best to date. This was the photo in which her legs looked like they were each as long as a football field. Nigel saw the photograph and thought that she was a real model. Sam's face showed passion in her photo, which Nigel appreciated, even though her body looked like a big solid mass. Then the girls did the two-part natural/glam photo with Tyra behind the camera. Both natural shots were great, but Sam's is still Nigel's favorite. She quickly adds that it's her favorite too, even though nobody cares. Everyone on panel thinks that Sam did everything right. McKey's glam photo is perfect for high fashion, and Nigel says it's his favorite of the two. Tyra loves how inventive and communicative McKey was during the shoot. The panel also loves Sam's glam shot, and Paulina says that Sam uses all of her limbs for maximum effect.
And with that, it's time for the judges to deliberate. Nigel says that both girls are sweet, but this is not a personality contest alone. He notes that Sam looks very commercial in person, but didn't deliver a commercial photo on cue. She has shown her mettle on the high-fashion photos, however. Paulina says that Sam presents as a very healthy California girl and photographs like a high fashion model, which is unusual. What you see is not what you get. On McKey's personality, Nigel says that early on in the competition, he didn't see her as a star. Today, he saw a star. There was a powerful glint in her eye on the runway. Was she the most elegant? No, and in fact both girls could stand to practice their walks. Paulina interjects that Sam needs to practice a bit more than McKey does. Miss J. thinks that this is because McKey's height can carry her through. And plus she'll just kick the ass of anyone who says mean stuff about her. Miss J. loves McKey's high-fashion body. Nigel adds that McKey was also able to deliver a good Cover Girl shot. Both girls are tall, linebacker-ish, and sweet, according to Nigel. But only one can be America's Top Model, and the judges have made their decision.
The girls return, and Tyra taunts them a bit about how nervous they must be before revealing that America's Top Model is...McKey! I think it's because she picked the best pseudonym (after Wholahay, of course). McKey hugs Sam, then goes to hug Tyra. And Tyra is in for a surprise as McKey lifts her off the ground! She really IS strong! Tyra says that that's a first and has to collect herself. She does not like it one bit, as evidenced by her telling McKey to go over and celebrate with the other judges. Tyra asks Sam if she's proud of herself, but all of Sam's pride-thunder is stolen when you can see McKey picking up Nigel in the background! Awesome. Sam exit interviews that this competition has brought out a different side of her. She never saw herself as a pretty girl, which is totally why she decided to enter a modeling competition. Now she does see herself as a pretty girl. Ah, victory. McKey continues to pick up the judges one by one, and in an interesting turn of events, Miss J. seems to be the only one who's able to pick HER up. He wears so much eyeliner and sparkly do-rags that you forget what a big guy he actually is.
In any case, McKey is excited. Tyra goes and jumps at her, apparently wanting to be airborne again, but McKey does not take the bait. I'm sure later in the evening after a few white Russians they'll be playing airplane, though. McKey tells us that she was never the little girl who wanted to grow up and be a model. She was a hard-core tomboy who was into soccer, and started modeling when she was 15. Oh wow! Who knew she even modeled at all? They really made it seem like she dropped off of the UFC turnip truck. McKey put all of her competitive spirit into modeling, and wanted it so bad, but it never happened. ANTM was the last stop for her, and luckily it worked out. And I bet she is going to have some whack-ass My Life as a Cover Girl spots. But wait! It's not over! McKey shoots her post-victory photos ASAP, with Nigel as the photographer. She looks kind of crazy and overstimulated, so I hope that worked out okay. Tyra totally makes McKey pick her up again for the benefit of the cameras, then runs out of the room all mock-scared. Tyra gives McKey a few voiced over words of love as we see her final photos, and then reminds us that fame is fleeting and that casting for the cycle has begun. At least McKey can remain relatively confident that she'll come out on top in the upcoming Battle of the Model Cage Fighters special. Unless Brandy shows up.
And with that, another season has come to a close. Thank you all for reading and I'll see you in the spring! Until then, don't forget your face. Love, Potes.
Potes isn't a recapper - she's a minty fresh smile booster! She can be reached at potesypotes@gmail.com.
Now that this cycle is O-V-E-R, let's reminisce about the kookiest moments with our America's Top Model: Wackiest Cycle Ever! gallery.