I hope you've packed your bags, y'all, because we're heading to Amsterdam! Well, the girls are heading to Amsterdam, but it's all so vivid that you can practically smell the weed through the TV. The girls step off of their plane and meet the impossibly named Daphne Deckers, host of Holland's Top Model. She has them pair up, then sends them on an Amazing Race style hunt to find their new home. Sam and Elina work surprisingly well together and win the challenge by finding the house first. They win 50 extra frames (combined) at the photo shoot, along with a temporary reprieve from the European-American Model Wars. Once at the house, however, Elina waxes poetic about how Amsterdam reminds her of Ukraine and annoys Sam afresh. Elina, Marjorie and Analeigh get all baked and partake in a va-jay-jay shaving party (TM McKey) in the tub, which even Sheena can't get down with. The girls head to the Red Light District for their challenge, where prostitution is legal and ladies sell their wares in store windows. Our models will be posing in store windows, too, but they'll be wearing outfits by three local designers who will take a hand in judging them. They pose in pairs and it's Sam's lucky week as she and McKey are victorious.
The photo shoot for the week celebrates Amsterdam's famous shipping industry, and has the girls actually posing on a boat at sea! It's pretty cool, especially because the whole time a tiny hope lives in the heart of the viewing audience that someone's going to fall overboard. McKey has an obsession with getting called first this week, and succeeds in part due to her 13-foot long legs. Analeigh and Marjorie also do well. Sam's photo is good, but the judges are not crazy about her soccer-mom-going-to-the-mall look at panel. Even Tyra can't save her, and Sam admits that she's fashion impaired. Elina winds up in the bottom two ostensibly due to her claw hands but mostly, I think, because she's insufferable. Also in the bottom two is Sheena, who can't seem to find the right balance between straddling something all the time and being too conservative slash dull in her posing. And it pains me to tell you that it's Sheena who goes home. It's pretty deserved since she really hasn't been killing it with the photos, but still sad as she's by far the most amusing of the bunch.
Check back for the full detailed recap on Tuesday. Until then, reminisce about the fiercest moments of the show.
Previously on ANTM: The great European versus American model wars! We were all the winners. And Joslyn continued her downward spiral of suckage and was sent home, while the other girls were told to pack their bags because they're headed to Amsterdam! What's the Dutch word for "bitches"? Whatever it is, there are six of them left!
The models return home from panel and celebrate their impending trip to Amsterdam. Elina tells us that being in the bottom two was scary, and that in that situation you really can't think of anything else. I bet you can think a little bit about how you hate your mom, or how you would find pepperoni delicious if your morals were a bit more lax, or how hard it is to have been born in Europe and living in America with all its stupid, abundant self-confidence and self-help culture. Elina tells us that she didn't think she did all that badly, but no matter what she does she hears the word "control." We relive Tyra telling Elina to let go and Elina allowing one tear to slip through the plexiglass fortress she's built around her eyeballs. McKey tells us that there's a bit of a perception from certain parties in the house that Elina thinks she's smarter than everybody else. Elina knows, says McKey, that Sam and Sheena and herself would have preferred for Joslyn to stay and for Elina to go home. Them's the breaks, though. Out of nowhere McKey adds that she's decided she must get the number one picture, since she's sick of being in the middle. Well, I'd suggest that she stop being so mediocre, then.
Sam tells us that although she loves their house in L.A., they're going to Holland, so screw California. Now Sam will get to experience how it is to be the chipper oddball in the Land of the Dour. Sam is ready to have some bomb photo shoots in Holland. And with that, the little Top Model plane wings its way to Amsterdam! Sheena tells us, whom she collectively refers to as "guurrrrl," that she has no idea what's in store for her in Amsterdam. All she knows is that she started the competition being too sexy for her shirt, so she's learned to be more modelesque.
A sparkly pretty blonde lady meets the girls in the airport and speaks Dutch to them. Crickets chirp. The Dutch-speaking woman in question is Daphne Deckers, the host of Holland's Top Model. The girls all seem mildly impressed. Well, except for Marjorie who just looks vaguely anxious per usual. Daphne tells the girls that as top models they get to travel the world, and the ability to adapt to a new city can be the difference between success and failure. Thus, she's going to send the girls on a bit of an "educational journey" through the city, during which they will also find their new house. It's like The Amazing Race with fewer flags and fewer Phils (but just about as many assholes). Daphne tells the girls to pick a partner. While Marjorie and Analeigh make a beeline for each other and McKey and Sheena do the same, Sam and Elina realize that they have no choice but to grab on to each other and look like they're okay with it. Daphne tells the girls that the first team to finish all of their assigned tasks and get to their house first will share 50 extra frames at the photo shoot. It is indeed a good prize. Sam interviews that while she and Elina aren't exactly on the same page, she doesn't care. Once they win the challenge Elina can go back to hating her, she says. Now that's the American way shining through! I'm humming "God Bless the U.S.A." under my breath as we speak, in support of Sam and her can-do spirit.
The girls rush off to their first task, which is to buy a train ticket to Amsterdam Central. Marjorie and Analeigh run to the ticket booth, but Marjorie sadly has been so acculturated that she temporarily forgets that she can't use American money to pay. The ticket guy quite hilariously asks them if they know where they are. Sheena and McKey take a look at the city transportation map, and Sheena acknowledges that even for a New Yorker it's challenging. Elina has to take off her shoes and go barefoot so she can run. With that uncomfortably repressed smile that makes her face look like it's going to crack, she says that it was one of the most fun things she's ever done. She says that a lot, which really underscores the fact that Elina has not had a whole lot of fun in her life. Sam and Elina make it onto their train, while Marjorie and Analeigh struggle to find the platform. And now let's allow Sheena to narrate verbatim for a moment: "I'm thinking Amsterdam is going to be, like, grimy and dirty and, like, weed and sex and alcohol. But it is so gorgeous." She says "alcohol" like "ALL-cohol," like Amsterdam is such a sin pit that they have ALL the alcoholics you could ever want lining the streets. Also, I don't think weed and sex and alcohol precludes a place from being gorgeous. Or at least that's what I say when I bring friends home to my apartment.
The girls move on to task number two: "Once off train, find ANY public phone for instructions." Well that seems simple. Sheena and McKey are in first place, but can't find a phone anywhere. Sam tells us that she got to sightsee a bit as she ran through Amsterdam. There are canals everywhere, she says, and apparently one leads her to a pay phone. McKey and Sheena finally find one, too, and they learn that their third task is to find Dam Centrum. Once there, they will take a very special one-a-day vitamin and just mellow out for a couple hours. Sam, Elina, Sheena and McKey are all neck and neck. Elina complains that she can't run anymore in her sandals and Sam tells her that ripped-up feet are worth the 50 extra frames. Sam and Elina apparently find Dam Centrum, and then have to find another pay phone to get the address to their house. Out of nowhere Marjorie and Analeigh appear. I thought they were way behind! Oh, crafty editors. On the phone, Sam and Elina learn that they are to take a cab to their house. Well that's not very exciting. I think they should have had to run uphill on stilts while carrying six giant melons or 5-kilo bags of weed or something.
The girls all hop in cars, which are evidently not the fastest mode of transportation in Amsterdam. The cabs approach the house, which apparently is on a street called Herengracht. It is lovely on the outside, and Daphne stands on the front stoop awaiting the girls. The first to arrive are Sam and Elina. They will share the 50 extra frames. Analeigh and Marjorie arrive soon after. The girls explore the house, which is even more awesome than their L.A. pad despite the fact that there are photos of Whitney everywhere. Sam and Elina put on their Dutch girl wigs and hug. Sam tells us that it was weird working with Elina but the two bonded and she thought that perhaps Elina was trying to make a truce. Doubtful, but way to keep hope alive. The girls are also greeted by Analeigh's commercial. Is it me, or does she look like she might have a booger in that really tight first frame? Maybe her nose is just like that. Finally, Sheena and McKey run up to the house thinking they're first to arrive. In fact, they are a very distant third place. Sheena has to stop her wild victory dance abruptly.
Once everyone is settled, there is Tyra Post ( Dutch for Tyra Mail)! "People used to come to play, but fashion makes it hot today. Love, Tyra." Sheena wonders if they'll be in the park. And woah, speaking of hot, there are some strange doings in the tub as Marjorie, Analeigh and Elina share what Sam calls a "lesbian bath moment." Analeigh squeals in the tub that she feels free. I guess the love that dare not speak its name has finally spoken its name in Dutch. Sam seems to care less about the lesbian aspect of the tub action than she does about the fact that the three bath-mates are very loud. Even Sheena can't get behind it. She says that they had an 11-hour flight then had to rush around like maniacs. She wants some sleep and asks, "It's like, girl what's wrong with you? We're tired." McKey adds, "I feel so frustrated with the va-jay-jay shaving party." The alleged va-jay-jay shaving party. I mean, there's no evidence that an actual Venus was busted out at any point. But those three do appear to be awfully close in the slippery bubbly tub. Pretty soon someone's going to drop the soap and Analeigh will be deflowered. I've seen 70's prison movies. If Sheena or Sam goes home, says McKey, she's going to die. As Elina confesses, "I really do come off as a miserable bitch half the time," (understatement of the year!) we head to commercials. Take this opportunity to grab a friend, fill the tub, and relieve yourself of some pubes!
And the posing begins! Analeigh and Elina are first. Analeigh does not look for the light, and also gets her dress caught on the decorations in the window. Miss J. notes that Elina is the one who's representing the dress best so far. McKey and Sam then pose in their dollhouse window. McKey tells us that she really wants to win the competition, as she needs a confidence boost. Miss J. notes that he likes the wallpaper that he can see through the window. The designers are kind enough to say that they like the models as well. Sam is the dollier of the two, but McKey's hair and skin look lovely. Sam and McKey work well together, and at one point hold up an actual doll in doll-like fashion. Meta! Marjorie and Sheena are in their Blade Runner-meets-punk-meets-lots of angst window. Marjorie's edgy and extreme movements garner raves from J. and the designers. She's freaky not only in her face, but in her body, which is a good thing. Sheena, meanwhile, is selling what she wants them to buy, according to Miss J. And it's not the dress. Maybe she's just paying homage to the working girls? In the end she's just too pretty and too feminine for the clothes.
J. and Carlo gather the girls together and introduce Mariette Hoitink from Red Light Fashion Amsterdam. Is "Hoitink" the best surname you've ever heard or what? I want to drop it into normal conversation. For example, "Holy Hoitink! I think I've got it!" Or, "Hell to the Hoitink-naw." Or, "Gurrrrl, you best keep your Hoitink to yourself." It's so versatile! Ms. Hoitink announces that the winners will get to come back for Amsterdam International Fashion Week and walk in shows for several designers. This is a good prize, even if I'm still not totally convinced that Amsterdam is really known for its fashion. [Ed's note: Gurrrl, you know it's true! -- Lauren] The prize comes courtesy of the City of Amsterdam. Guess they signed on for it before they saw all the va-jay-jay shaving. The girls get their critiques. Miss J. says that Marjorie was absolutely fantastic. Sheena was too pretty/sexy and not rock n' roll enough. Also, she looked like a whore. Which is legal, but still. Sam did a bit better than McKey, but the two worked very well as a team and understood what the designer wanted. Elina's control worked in her favor for once, while Analeigh got all tangled in the window dressing. In any case, the winners of the challenge are McKey and Sam. I am completely distracted from their victory, as I've just noticed that Miss J. appears to be wearing a t-shirt over opaque tights and nothing else. Hoitinks, indeed! Sam and McKey, however, ignore the ensemble and are extremely excited about their prize.
Back at home, there is Tyra Post. "I know you have just arrived, but your voyage to become America's Top Model continues tomorrow. Love, Tyra." Whatever the shoot is, Sheena is excited and ready to kick ass and redeem her past performance. As the girls hang around the kitchen, Sam recounts how awkward she felt when she was posing in the window and saw some other ladies in other windows wearing nothing but their Hoitinks. Elina tells her that it's not a big deal, and says that she has a problem with people thinking it's a problem. Sam asks Elina to explain to her how prostitution is something that can be respected. I have to say that I'm with Elina on this one. A girl has to earn a living, you know? Elina's argument is, "Why does it have to be respected?" I don't quite get what she's saying, but the editing is also kind of choppy around this debate. Sheena and McKey are too bored by the whole thing to even walk downstairs. Elina then asks Sam why they've even gotten into this argument, and why Sam is targeting her. Sam looks a bit bewildered. She interviews that for a second as they were running around Amsterdam she made Elina get on her page, but now she's in a separate chapter that's about 100 pages away. Sam hopes that Elina is in the bottom two as we head to commercials.
Oh, and then Whitney has a fitting with Alice + Olivia designer Stacey Bendet, who was spectacularly bitchy when she appeared on the show last season. I am, in fact, amazed that Whitney would fit into anything made by Alice + Olivia. In the end, they don't even do a whole body shot of her in whatever dress she chose for her apparent red carpet event, which leads me to suspect that we've been Hoitinked.
When we return, the girls head off to the sea. They pass a windmill on the way, of course. Jay meets the girls and tells them that the reason Amsterdam is so popular is because of its shipping industry, which dates back to the 1800's. We've heard about the weed and seen the prostitution, and now Jay is telling us that it's the SHIPPING INDUSTRY that makes Amsterdam such a popular destination? Unless you're shipping bags of weed and ladies of the evening, I think that's a fib. Today the girls will be wearing mid-century dress with a modern twist -- the modern twist being that it looks nothing like mid-century dress. In any case, the girls are on a ship! And Sam has hat-head! And there's hair and makeup! Andy Tan will be the photographer for the day. He asks for lots of energy and wants the girls to rock the boat. They are seriously in the middle of the sea, which is pretty cool.
McKey is up first, and Jay tells her that she looks like a monster. He means it in a complimentary way, though. McKey reiterates that she needs to get the number one picture, in part because she's never been called first. She poses on the ship and manages not to fall overboard. Jay comments that she looks editorial, and is breaking out of her shell more and more week after week. He tells McKey that it's the most excited he's been on a shoot because she got creative and can, in fact, teach the rest of the girls a lesson. McKey is pleased. Sam is up . Jay wants her to look editorial, and Sam says that she has been studying magazines. She also has the 25 extra frames from her scavenger-hunt victory, which she's very excited about. As Sam starts posing, Jay tells her that she looks crazy -- crazy bad, that is. He interviews that Sam is the girl that you love, but the girl that you don't necessarily love to shoot. Andy asks for some sparkle, and Sam manages to pull it together towards the end and become a model.
Sheena is up , and reminds us that she has to work on not being too sexy or too hoochie. However, once she's on set, Andy has to tell her to loosen up a bit. Sheena thus does a high kick in the air, and Jay tells her that it looks a little too can-can. Oh, and then? Sheena straddles a beam. It doubtless is hitting her Hoitink in all the right places, but is also frightening Jay. He finds it interesting that she always gravitates toward the lewdest pose she can think of. He adds that straddling a beam is not exactly the most ladylike behavior. For her part, Sheena interviews that she's used to "that kind" of modeling. The kind where you have a 900 number printed underneath your décolletage? She has not been taught high fashion poses, but argues that she can be editorial. "Get that hoochie out the door, it don't exist here!" she says. Sadly for her, that hoochie is like God and It exists everywhere.
Elina is , celebrating her 25 extra frames. She tells us that she was very focused and into what she was doing, because there's no room for mistakes. Jay calls up to Elina to ask her to put a slight bend in her arm. When he gets no response, he realizes that Elina is not listening to him. Well, you can't blame her for that, can you? Nonetheless, Jay is kind of offended. Eventually Elina breaks her concentration and realizes that he's talking to her. She bends her elbow like he suggests, and he thinks it's pretty. Elina shares the story of how she ignored Jay with the other girls, who could honestly give a rat about whatever she says. McKey interviews that she has a view that some people are beautiful from the inside out. Well that's a very innovative and controversial theory! McKey is an original thinker if ever there was one. She also has a theory that Elina is ugly from the inside out. Subtle. She and Sheena discuss this with Elina apparently only a few feet away. But as we've just seen, Elina doesn't pay attention when others are talking, so I think they're safe.
Analeigh is . She tells us that she realized that if she used figure skating, it wouldn't work. However, if she moves her body naturally and trusts herself, then her skating will come through. Jay tells us that it was a "Hallelujah!" moment, and that Analeigh finally brought the skater to set and used it to her advantage. She hangs on some ropes on the side of the ship, and Jay is forced to exclaim, "You go, supermodel!" Her face still looks kind of busted, but she really is doing cool things with her body. Finally there's Analeigh's lover, Marjorie. Jay gives her some tips for making her arm look like it hasn't been amputated. He tells us that she finally took some constructive criticism and didn't internalize it, which tells him that she's listening to him and without crumbling and crying. She looks all freaky (in a good way), and it's a wrap!
Back at home there is another Tyra Post. Someone is going home. Sheena tells us that she doesn't think she's the weakest. She feels like she's improving, and getting more modelesque. However, no matter how beautiful and talented you are, she says, you can always end up going home. So she's fighting hard for this and says that she will never give up. Elina tells us that she was happy with her photo shoot and her performance and didn't think she was holding anything back, but she has learned many times that you never know what your picture is going to look like. With a certain feeling of doom in the air, we Hoitink to commercials.
When we return it's panel time! And holy shit. McKey is first to walk into the judging room with her Ren Faire chain mail beer wench costume. It is quite something. But we'll get to that in a bit. Tyra tells us that Amsterdam is becoming a fashion capital of the world, but until it reaches that point it will have to content itself with being the fashion capital of Holland. There are prizes, there are judges. Daphne Deckers is the guest judge for the week. Aw, I was hoping it would be Ms. Hoitinks.
Elina is up first for critique. She is wearing what looks like a leather jacket, but what I'm sure is a faux-leather jacket, given that she's an animal liberation activist when she's not busy planning her move to Holland. Nigel thinks that Elina's photo is very interesting, and that it's one of the most high-fashion poses that she's done in a photograph so far. Daphne thinks that her face looks a little bit strong, in a scary way. "Like a pirate," Tyra adds. Paulina does not enjoy Elina's claw-like hands, which are pirate-like in a scurvy/rickets kind of way. Tyra says that the photo of Elina is gorgeous, but she was very stiff in her film. Also, she tuned out Mr. Jay and ignored his advice. If that's a crime, then convict me of Hoitinks in the first degree and lock me in the penitentiary. Sheena is up in another questionable outfit. Miss J. says that as busted as it is, it works. Sheena says that it's Moschino, and Tyra tells her that name brands don't mean it's right. Paulina thinks that Sheena's face is beautiful in her photo, and that the clothes are beautiful, but that's it. Tyra agrees that her face is soft and lovely. Nigel notes that her right hand, which is holding a rope in the photo, has no passion or energy in it. Tyra almost went with one of the photos where Sheena was kicking up her leg, but the face was no good. Overall, it's a mediocre review.
Analeigh is . Everyone loves her photo. She's using the wind and grabbing the rope and looking like a beautiful pirate. She's happy. Then there's McKey. Tyra tells her that she looks like a fashion show. She asks if the outfit that she's wearing is one that she won in the challenge. McKey clarifies that she won the challenge, but this is in fact her own outfit. Tyra asks, "This is in your...luggage?" McKey says that, in fact, this is just the kind of thing she wears to school. At Ye Olde Dominatrix College. Seriously? Tyra actually likes the outfit. When you take into account the stuff that Tyra wears to panel each week, this all starts to make sense. Nigel wants McKey to make him her fancy boy. McKey's best shot is, in fact, pretty great. Her legs look like they're about 13 miles long. Tyra says that everything is working perfectly.
Then there's Marjorie. Paulina thinks that her shot is gorgeous. Nigel likes it, but for the weird stumpy hand coming out of her back. Couldn't you actually imagine having a third little nubby hand coming right out of her lower back? Miss J. tells everyone that Marjorie lost her mind at the Red Light District challenge, in a very good way. He says he was screaming on the sidewalk. I imagine that isn't an unusual occurrence. Daphne notes that, although she's been hearing all these good things about Marjorie, she appears to be very shy and timid in person. The judges are all, "Girl, let us tell you all about it." Daphne asks Marjorie if she even wants to be there. Marjorie says that she does, but she is just trying not to spazz out.
Finally we have Samantha, who looks like she's going on an interview at Coldstone Creamery. Sam acknowledges that she has fashion issues. Tyra tries to fix her ensemble, but for the first time actually can't help her. Miss J. takes off his pants to give to her. McKey is really riling everyone up today with all that chain mail, isn't she? Nigel thinks that Sam has done all the right things in her picture, and the rest of the judges seem to like it, too. We head to commercials as the girls learn that one of them will be getting thrown overboard.
And then it's time for Top Models in Action. Hey! It's Katarzyna! She's signed with Elite! Girl, she looks fierce. But I'm pretty sure no one can pronounce her name properly. Still.
The judges deliberate. Elina's picture is high fashion, according to Nigel, but Daphne doesn't think it's very good. Paulina likes Elina even though she doesn't dig the picture, but Nigel doesn't like Elina even though he does like the picture. He also thinks that she's dull in person, and adds that he's not attracted to her. It must be all that inside ugliness coming out. Sheena's face is fantastic, but there's no life to her shot. She needs to find the balance between being too sexy and being flat. McKey has done beautiful shots before, but this week's is one of her best. Her legs go on for miles and she's like a giant. Miss J. loves Analeigh's shot and Paulina adds that she's improving as a model every week. Nigel is not a fan of Marjorie's photo. Daphne adds that she's like Bambi in real life, all gangly and shaky. However, Daphne likes that she can transform her personality in photos. Tyra likes that Marjorie has continued with the Hunchback of Notre Dame theme. Samantha had a great photo, even if she's busted in person. If you dress her right and do her hair right, says Nigel, you've got a model. The judges have reached a decision.
Six girls stand before Tyra, but she only has five photos in her hands. The first name she's going to call is the best picture and will be in the house as digital art. And, in fact, McKey gets her wish and has the best photo of the week. Analeigh is called , followed by Marjorie and Samantha. This leaves Elina and Sheena in the bottom two. Sheena looks pretty resigned. The judges say that Elina takes a pretty picture, but they don't see a model in front of them. She also has some control issues, which are translating into stiffness in her photos. She delivered a nice photo this week, but that good shot ended up being dumb luck. Then there's Sheena, who is the opposite of Elina. She's full of personality, and is a person who others actually want to be around. Sorry, Elina. Her photos have been okay. Some have been gorgeous, and some not so good. So who stays? Elina does. Tyra makes her do a little shimmy. Elina does, and it looks totally unnatural. Tyra gives Sheena a hug, and tells her that she has a shine and a sparkle. Tyra thinks she's a star, and has "it." Sheena thanks Tyra and the judges and gives McKey a big hug on her way out. Aw, sadness! She tells us that she's very sad to leave, but she would have never imagined that she'd have come this far. Because of this, she says, her life will never be the same. She adds that she's also left her mark. There will never be another Sheena. That's what Sheena Easton thought. Sheena says that she doesn't feel like she lost anything. This is a beginning more than an ending, and she hopes she won't be forgotten. Not by me, gurrrrrrl. Never by me.
week: Tyra gets behind the camera, and Elina loses a shoe during the go-sees.
Potes misses Sheena already. You can console her at potesypotes@gmail.com.
Relive the most ferocious fashion diva interludes with our ANTM: Fiercest Moments gallery.