It's the penultimate episode of the season! Heather is gone, and the others don't miss her. Jenah is getting stressed, psyched out, and homesick, which doesn't bode well. The others maintain their focus, with Bianca ready to cut a bitch to get into the final three, Chantal still convinced that modeling is her density, and Saleisha roller skating right along. As promised, the girls head to Beijing, where they get a lesson in four great Chinese beauties from Twiggy and Miss J. They think it's another culturally irrelevant snoozefest, until they're given the beauties' outfits to modernize and catwalk-ize. They get $200 and a trip to the mall, and are instructed to stay true to the story of their beauty. Bianca exhibits her stankest move yet as she sends Jenah on a wild Peking duck chase across the street, whence she has just come and found absolutely zilch. Jenah is mad, but she still manages to win the challenge. Yay! I love when stank Bianca is foiled. Jenah and her chosen friend, Chantal, get Chinese couture dresses made just for them. Or, it appears, altered just for them. Jenah also gets a one-on-one runway lesson with Miss J., who actually seems to give her some good tips. The week's photo shoot takes place at the Great Wall, where the girls get to be the Mongols and Barbarians that they secretly are inside. Tyra is the photographer, which brings out some extra nerves in Jenah. Saleisha jumps in her shoot, and is treated like she's the second coming of Jesus. Or Tyra. The girls also do a photo together, and Bianca wants to kill Saleisha for getting her bun all up in Bianca's grille. At panel, Jenah breaks down a bit as she talks about being homesick and being a role model for her sisters. The judges wonder if she really wants to be there, and if she can hack it. Conversely, the judges are sure that Bianca wants to be there, but don't know if there's time for her to embark on the very extended learning curve that she needs. They land in the bottom two. In the end, the fact that Bianca is really fun to have around isn't enough to save her, and she's booted back to Queens.
Previously on ANTM: Go-sees! Heather wandered the streets like a little lost lamb with a mild form of autism, while Bianca and her big smile performed best with the Shanghai designers. Bianca's momentum faded at the week's photo shoot, however, and Jenah's cocky attitude was on display, much to Nigel's displeasure. In the end, it was to be the week when Heather got the pity kill. Final four, bitches!
We begin with the girls returning home after elimination and finding Heather Mail. They seem quite jolly, but Jenah interviews that she's sad to see Heather go, and Heather's been kicking ass since they were all just a gleam in Tyra's glass eye. Yes, Tyra is the Sandy Duncan of supermodels, and the Sammy Davis Jr. of third-rate talk show hosts. Didn't know that, did you? Bianca begins reading the Heather Mail, which is actually for Jenah. Jenah interviews that Heather had a great look, but had a hard time communicating in general. Not, apparently, in her letter, which says that she came into the competition not even expecting to make friends or get far. She got far, the letter says, but she didn't make friends -- she made family. Awww. Bianca, never one to let a touching moment lie, exclaims that that doesn't sound like Heather, and interviews that Heather was zoned out in her own world and not even trying, so it doesn't make a difference when she's not there. Cold! Bianca is like family if your surname is Menendez.
The girls pack up for Beijing, and their little plane delivers them right in the middle of a shrine to Chairman Mao. If you buzzed him a little on the sides, he'd actually bear quite a striking resemblance to Bianca. Kevin the tour guide greets the girls, and shows them the sights. There is also a fair amount of prattling, as Jenah tells the other girls that she really couldn't see herself going home. She explains to us that she was in the bottom two, and also demonstrates that all the talk about her sarcastic attitude hasn't sunk in as she says that being in the bottom two is the best feeling in the world, and we should try it. She's overstressed, and says she can't let it affect her anymore, because it's a recipe for a breakdown. Throw in a little EVOO and Rachel Ray will 30-minute her into the nearest sanitarium. Chantal interviews that Jenah is falling apart, and can't pull it together. And speaking of Chantal, she tells the others again that modeling is her destiny. Bianca interviews that Chantal is perky all the time, and she just wants her to shut up. She actually raises a hand while she says this, which is actually a bit menacing.
The girls wind up at a beautiful garden, where they encounter a bunch of folks in traditional garb. Except for Miss J. and Twiggy, that is, who are being carried in like the empresses they are. As she and J. walk up on a stage, Twiggy says that they're going to take the girls back to celebrate a culture that has influenced fashion in so many ways. The girls started on a journey of thirteen girls and are now down to four and, coincidentally, there were four famous beauties in Chinese history. Just four? In all of China, throughout all of history? Very well, then. We see four women dressed in elaborate costumes, who act out each beauty as Twiggy and J. tell us about them. The first beauty was named Dioachan, from the third century Three Kingdoms period. She was said to have a face that would make the moon shy away behind the clouds in embarrassment. It's the same with Jenah, except the moon shies away behind the clouds in horror when it sees itself reflected in her incisors.
Then, of course, there was Xi Shi, seventh-to-sixth century BC. She was so beautiful that the fish would stop swimming and sink beneath the surface when they saw her. Fish do the same when they see Tyra, but it's because they're afraid that she'll mistake them for a rib. Then there was Xang Guifei, 719-756, Tang Dynasty, said to have a face that would make all flowers feel ashamed in comparison to her. What's with making the natural world feel like crap? Tyra needs to start a T-Zone Camp in China for all the fish, flowers, and moons whose self-esteem has taken a beating these last thousands of years. Bianca asks when this is going to be over, and interviews that this is not her kind of thing. She much prefers a good convenience-store holdup. But, she says, when in China, do like the Chinese. The final beauty is Wang Zhaojun, first century BC, said to be so beautiful that the swans would stop flying and fall to the ground when they saw her. Those bunch of busted, broken-necked swans need the Chi-Zone Camp more than anyone. Miss J. tells the girls that they'll soon learn how this all relates to them, and Jenah starts to get a little nervous.
The girls head to their latest undeserved spectacular home, where they find Tyra Mail. It reads, "There is a great wall in China, but have you checked out the great mall? Love, Tyra." Below the Tyra Mail are four red boxes, in which there is one famous beauty dress for each girl. Chantal is excited, because she got the best one. The morning, our four...beauties...head off in the dresses to, you guessed it, the mall. They once again meet Miss J. and Twiggy, who tell them that, like the four famous Chinese beauties, they need to learn to distinguish themselves. The challenge for the day is for the girls to modernize and contemporize the outfits, and make them their own. They each get one hour and 1500 yuan (about $200), and are told to take into account the stories of the four beauties.
The girls run off to ransack the mall. Chantal notes that her beauty carried a basket, so she thought she'd get a cute bag and pair of stilettos to modernize the story. Bianca was the beauty who put all the flowers to shame, so gets some white shoes and a flowered bag. Saleisha doesn't mention her story, but apparently figures that a clutch purse goes with a beauty of any century, BC or AD. Bianca tells us that she headed off to the other side of the mall, figuring that the other girls haven't been there and there might be some goods. She only finds more shoe stores, however, and is perturbed that she has to run back across the street in her already sweaty dress. We'll just assume for the sake of fabrics everywhere that these dresses are not vintage. The pissed-off Bianca sees Jenah and thinks to herself that she must strategize. She tells Jenah that she has to go across the street, because there's so much stuff over there, and then walks on her merry way. Bianca interviews that Jenah went running to the other stores, which made her feel better. Always delighting in the misfortunes of others. That's my girl! As Jenah chases the wild goose, we head to commercials.
When we return, Bianca says there are no friends in competitions. At that moment, Jenah was her competitor. Jenah puts it more succinctly when she says, "That bitch." She is done with the sabotage and psyching out, because it's not her style. Despite Bianca's machinations, all the girls make it back on time. They learn that they'll be judged on the creativity of their clothing choice, and the way they carry it down the runway. The judge for the challenge is Ann Shoket, the often completely useless editor-in-chief of Seventeen. Bianca knows that Jenah is pissed, but totally doesn't care. Jenah, meanwhile, is reaffirmed in her belief that it's every woman for herself.
First on the runway is Saleisha, who says she felt herself becoming one of the beauties, and who wanted the judges to see how powerful her beauty is. So powerful that it made Jo Polniaczek yearn for the tender touch of a lady. Miss J. thinks that Saleisha did a great job re-accessorizing her outfit, and adds that her walk was superb. Chantal, of course, thinks she did a great job. Twiggy agrees that her walk, at least, is good. Bianca interviews that this is her chance to prove to the world that she can do this, and strike fear in the hearts of the other girls. She's always wanting to strike fear into the hearts of something. With Bianca, the flowers hide because they think she's going to cut them with a blade of stankness. Ann thinks that Bianca's accessorizing with rosettes was very cute, and showed off her amazing legs very well. Jenah is last to walk out, and says that while everyone else was doing their same old walk in a new dress, she wanted to look like royalty. Twiggy likes the way she transformed her evening wear into a modern, tight dress, and how she took off her coat on the runway and let it flow.
Ann tells the girls that they all did a great job. Her only criticism of Saleisha is that she could loosen up a little and show some personality. Jenah was great and looked like an amazing model. Ann says that Bianca obviously liked the music she was walking to, and bopped down the runway a little too much. She tells Bianca that she was a little too hip-hop. Oh, this is getting dicey. Ann Shoket really puts me on edge every time she has a guest spot. Chantal gets praise for picking out yellow shoes. Well, everyone has to start somewhere. And the winner is ...Jenah! HA! Take that Bistanka. And take this, too: Jenah gets to pick a friend to share in her prize, and the two will get Chinese couture dresses made just for them. Jenah does not hesitate in picking Chantal, saying that you have to trust your friends. Bianca interviews that she could care less, and isn't going to wear a couture dress anywhere. At this point, I think Bianca is actually sucking on sour raisins, her stank act is so weathered. Jenah's other prize is getting a private runway lesson with Miss J. -- the first time in Top Model history that any girl has gotten a one on one with him. It has the momentousness of an Israel/Palestine peace talk, but 80% fiercer.
Jenah and Chantal meet Miss J., and he tells them that their gowns are traditional Chinese dresses, or qipao. The fittings begin. See, the dresses weren't really made for them as much as altered for them. Jenah loves her bright blue gown, even though it makes her look even more undead. Chantal is a big fan of her dress as well, though she wonders where she's going to wear such an ornate, traditional dress. Chantal is sent off while Jenah gets her one-on-one with Miss J. He mimics her head sweep at the end of the runway, and gives her a couple tweaks. Jenah says she learned a lot.
Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. "A top model can be seen from around the world. But can she be seen from outer space?" Sarah could, maybe. The girls know that they're going to the Great Wall. They lie in bed and have a talk. Chantal is, as always, ecstatic to be alive. Saleisha says it's time to stop playing games, and time to start focusing. Jenah, apparently without moving her lips, says that she's ready for it to be over. Or maybe Bianca says it, because she follows that comment up by announcing that she came there to win, and she's going to win, and going to model, and that's that. Bianca interviews that Saleisha and Chantal think they're going to be the top two, but they won't if she has anything to do with it. Jenah, meanwhile, tells everyone that she had a really bad dream about her boyfriend. Saleisha interviews that Jenah is really homesick, as they all are, but needs to toughen up. In an interview, Jenah admits that she wants everything to be over with so she can go home. She cries and says that she misses her bed and her family, and it's really getting to her as we head to commercials.
Meanwhile, Jaslene was on the cover of Latina magazine, and Conair has a commercial that features a drag queen version of Chantal.
When we return, the girls head to the Great Wall. It's really pretty exciting. The girls take photos of themselves as Jay Manuel sneaks up on them. He says that the wall was originally erected to keep out the Mongols and Barbarians. What about the Oompa Loompas? For today's photo shoot, the girls are going to be the enemy, along with six other warriors, and will have wild hair and costumes. They'll be invading and trying to get over the wall. Mr. Jay then introduces their special guest photographer, Tyra "Two Giant Boobs Squashed in One Tiny Vest" Banks. Tyra bounces out and says she wants empowered, strong women. Who are also, it must be said, fierce.
The girls get their makeup done, and also get some crazy-ass hair. It's giant buns and cones for everyone! And ...wait a second. Where's Tootie's hair???? I think Saleisha is actually bald as Telly Savalas and that Facts of Life monstrosity she's been sporting is actually a wig! It's all crooked and one sided! For some reason, for me, this just adds more fuel to the fire that the show is fixed for a Saleisha victory. They couldn't even tell the truth about her awful hair! Anyway, Jenah says she's under so much pressure and not sleeping regularly and missing her family, and it's really hard to deal with. Hmmm, I wonder if this is going to come up later at all.
Tyra introduces herself to the extras and says that today, they are warriors. I bet they wondered what they were doing in suits of armor with spears in their hand. Thanks, Tyra, for clearing that up. Chantal is out first with her giant dual cone hair. Tyra snaps some shots, and seems to give Chantal praise, then tells her to look more like a dancer. She and Jay tell Chantal that her shoot was good. Chantal is excited. Then there's Jenah. Tyra asks her what she wants to overcome in life, and what wall she wants to climb. That's SO Tyra. It would be awesome if Jenah took the question literally and was all, "The Berlin Wall! Oh, wait..." But Jenah understands the spirit of the question and says she wants to get to know herself. She interviews that she feels like she's losing herself in the competition -- she wants to know who she is, and who the judges think she is. I thought we all knew that the judges think she's a pill? Tyra says that the real Jenah is on the other side of the wall. Jenah just kind of stares over the wall with a semi-frightened look. Maybe she got a glimpse of one giant tooth? Jenah is nervous to do a shoot with Tyra, but says it's another example of knowing you have to kick ass. Jay tells Tyra that Jenah was nervous with Nigel, and even more nervous with her. He asks how nervous she's going to be when she works. Tyra and Jay do an on-the-fly where Tyra says Jenah is a good model, but asks who she is, and then acts as if she's Dr. Phil and Oprah combined, because she connects this to Jenah saying that she's trying to find herself. If you are in need of a psychological breakthrough, look no further.
Bianca is , and says that Tyra is the biggest person to impress. Heh. It's hard to think of her as just one photographer. Again, heh. The pressure is on. Jay whispers to Bianca, "No stiff poses today," and she proceeds to be exceedingly stiff. She requires a fair amount of direction, but Bianca starts to get it after Tyra shows her what she wants. Jay says that Bianca's last twenty frames were good, but the first forty were painful. Then we have Saleisha. She says she has to bring it, more than bring it, she's gotta bring it then bring it. Well, it's no worse than your average Jaslene My Life as a Cover Girl, I suppose. Saleisha holds her giant sword and starts doing some jumps, which Tyra and Jay love. None of the other girls jumped, and Jay tells Saleisha that this was her best shoot ever. In their on-the-fly, Tyra starts jumping like Saleisha, which is enough to scare the bejesus out of any Mongol or Barbarian.
But the girls are not done yet! Everyone had her individual shot, and now the girls have to pose together. This is a test to see who can stand out in a group shot. Chantal says she's wanted to work with the other girls for a while now, and is also excited that she gets to work with Tyra for a little longer. Oh, don't they see enough of her? Saleisha told herself to do what she had to do to stand out. Karma apparently takes the form of a giant hairpiece, as Bianca interviews, "It was pissing me off because Saleisha put her bun in front of my face, and I could like really kill her." Well said.
Back at home, Bianca says she's nervous and anxious about elimination. Chantal isn't, because she did her best, and what else can you do? She's confident that she's going to make it to the top three, and that's one step closer to number one. Bianca interviews that Chantal is bland -- her pictures are okay, but she's just kind of a giggly nothingness. She continues that Saleisha has had a lot of experience, so for her to come in and not be amazing sucks on her part. The stank just won't stop! I love it when she gets on a roll. Meanwhile, in another variation on a theme, Jenah says that it's not the girls, the competition, or the critique that's getting to her. Rather, she's losing herself, and feels like she really has been trying to get to know herself throughout the competition. She doesn't know who's going home, she says, but it's not going to be her. Or maybe it will be the self that she doesn't really know, which would be a big shocker to everyone. Commercials.
When we return, it's panel time. Jenah and Chantal wear their custom fitted Chinese couture gowns, while Bianca is relegated to wearing Saleisha's mini cropped halter vest from the Cover Girl shoot. Sad. There are prizes, there are judges. Miss J.'s fro is officially to Sly Stone proportions, and the guest judge for the week is Ann Shoket. Oh, great, more wisdom from the tween tastemaker.
Jenah is up first for evaluation, and Tyra notes that she was the challenge winner. Jenah's photo is lovely, and Twiggy takes the opportunity to compliment Tyra as a photographer. Nigel says that the interesting thing about Jenah's shot is that she's really acting in her pictures, and is showing a lot more of herself. Wait, aren't those two different things entirely? Or maybe she's showing herself through the acting? Ah, the complexities of fashion modeling. Twiggy thinks Jenah's extended leg is great, and her face is exquisite. Ann agrees, but she says that she thinks Jenah might be getting lost in the costume. And then Tyra says she took pictures of Jenah and felt they were absolutely beautiful, but when Jenah left the set, Tyra didn't remember the shoot. Someone on the panel goes, "Oooh." Well, there always has to be a forgettable one, I guess. Remember how forgettable Nicole and Mollie Sue were? Of course you don't.
Jenah starts crying, and Tyra asks her what's going on right now. Uh, you just basically told her that she's a non-entity. Sometimes that makes people feel bad. Jenah says she's become really homesick, and it's really hard not being able to talk to her family right now. Miss J. says that everybody wants to be home right now, and this job will take you away -- that's what it requires. Tyra asks if Jenah wants to be America's Top Model. Jenah says she does, so much, but she has two little sisters at home who don't have anyone to look up to except her and her mom, and adds that growing up she didn't have anyone to look up to, either. She has to be the one that they look up to. And ...okay, wait, I have to quote this. "And I wanna be someone for my little sisters, and I want my little sisters to be able to look at me and be like, that's my sister!" What if they were, like, passing a bus stop and saw Jenah there sleeping on the bench and one of them looked at her and said, "That's my sister!" Would that count? And then -- HA! This certainly deserves to be quoted in full as well. Tyra says, "This is making you stronger. This is the best experience of your life, whether you win or not." I love that Tyra has been so emboldened by her success in the televisual medium that she's actually TELLING these girls that being on a reality show widely known as a paean to all things ridiculous is the best experience of their lives. Even the Jays have stopped bothering to try to rein her in.
Bianca is . Nigel says her picture is very beautiful. Twiggy thinks her profile is beautiful, but she'd like to see more of Bianca's eyes. Miss J., however, thinks that Bianca is as stiff as one of the stones on the wall. Ann Shoket says that Bianca is almost as mad as she should be, and she's almost afraid of her. Oh, Ann Shoket, so insulated by her honky editor-ness as to not know when she's in actual danger. Tyra says that Bianca was extremely awkward. She tries hard, but modeling doesn't "come innate" to her, says Tyra, even though she's a stunning girl. Bianca says that it doesn't come natural, and she's had to work through the whole competition. She thinks she's improved and has learned so much since she's been there. Tyra agrees with this, noting that the judges see it, and that's why she's still there.
Then we have Chantal. She looks like she's actually about to leap over the wall in her photo, which is what Twiggy has been waiting for. Nigel agrees, and says that Chantal looks like a statue who's been frozen in time. But is about to attack a giant wall. You know, that kind of statue. He loves it, and thinks Chantal really got the idea and concept. Ann says that Chantal is so pretty and radiates positivity. Miss J. loves that Chantal is on her tippy tippy tipperies. Language J is not quite as hard to learn as Chinese, but it's close.
Last up is Saleisha and her wig. As much as I hate her, I have to admit that her photo is pretty bad-ass. Nigel thinks it's fantastic, and that she overshadows the Great Wall. Twiggy agrees, and says that she looks beautiful. Tyra compliments Saleisha for putting her nerves into her work rather than letting them take her over, and adds that she didn't have to tell Saleisha much. She just came in and started jumping and Tyra was like, "Woo! Yeah! Go! Jump! Woo! Haiiah!" Per usual.
And then it's time to look at the group shot and determine who stands out the most. Twiggy says that to her eyes it's Jenah, and goes into a rapture about her piercing blue jewels of eyes. Nigel thinks that Chantal's is the strongest, and says it's the best picture he's seen of her looking directly into the camera. He poutily asks why Chantal can look at Tyra like that and not him. Maybe because Tyra's not creeping her out as much, Itzhak Pervman. Ann's eyes went right to Saleisha, who is holding the center of the photo. Tyra likes that Bianca looks like the guy in the photo, and that her eye is hooded and slanted. Well, that comes across as high praise, doesn't it? Tyra says that she had a clear idea of the standings before she shot the girls, but they performed in unexpected ways. With the halfhearted sense that anything can happen, we head to commercials.
And hey! Heather is the Cover Girl of the Week again! And she's not even on the show anymore!
Deliberations! Nigel thinks that Jenah has become dislodged, and it feels like she's defeated already. Twiggy asks if Jenah really wants to be a model. Jenah reminds Tyra of the girls who, when she was modeling in Paris, were so homesick that they'd cry and break down, leaving Tyra to ask where her friend Becky was. Some kind soul let her know that, "Girl, she went home. She couldn't handle it." Tyra thinks that Jenah almost gave her swan song, which prompts Miss J. to ask what a swan song is, and Tyra to reinterpret her own classic hit, "Shake Ya Body," as sung by an actual swan. It's very close to the original, if you ask me. Twiggy thinks that Bianca is the least natural model in the group, but Tyra thinks that Bianca's defense of her own learning curve was more convincing than Jenah's infamous swan song. Nigel thinks that there are many sides to Bianca, but she doesn't really know how to do it yet. Whether there's time for her to learn is a question. Ann thinks that Chantal is channeling her inner diva, and that her picture is strong. Miss J. says that Chantal normally looks like a boat show model. Saleisha is more high fashion than ever, and her photo is Twiggy's favorite. Ann thinks that Saleisha has more sparkle than Tinkerbell, but points at her photo and adds, "This is literally evil fairy dust." That is literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
The girls return and face their fates. Tyra says that the judges determined who was strongest in the group photo ...and it was Chantal! Oh, good for her. I'm just happy that it's not Saleisha. Chantal gets the group photo as a special prize, and she's still in the running to be America's Top Model. Saleisha is called , which of course leaves Jenah and Bianca in the bottom two. Bianca has had a long journey, from Queens to the final four. She's shown that she can be a high-fashion model, but hasn't shown that she can perform without training wheels. However, her speech was very convincing. And then there's Jenah. A girl who's been strong from the start and takes fantastic photos, but who is also doubting herself and isn't sure who she is. The judges also felt that Jenah gave a swan song speech today. Oh, please, some of the judges didn't even know what a swan song was. In any case, Jenah gets the photo, and Bianca's out. Tyra tells Bianca that some girls have a natural ability to model, and they just do it. Bianca has a gorgeous figure, face and spirit, but she's not there in terms of movement and being natural. Tyra wants Bianca to go home and find friends and family who are photographers, and pose pose pose pose pose. And then hopefully an agency will sign her off of those simple snapshots. Perhaps if she gets Tyra to sprinkle some of the evil fairy dust on them, they will.
Bianca says that she's taking a lot away with her -- she came into the competition with a cocky attitude, but has really been humbled a lot. She made friendships with people she probably never would have talked to, and learned a lot about herself as well as modeling. She might cry a few more days, she says, but she'll pull it together. And then she breaks down a little more, which is pretty sad. We review her portfolio, which is, in fact, pretty bad. She says that she's not going to give up, because that's not the type of person she is. She's kind of happy that it wasn't just handed to her, because now she can work for it, which means that she'll appreciate it more when she gets it. And then she has to turn around and cry even more at what a line of bull that was. Stank ya later, Biancker! And if I may, I want to thank you all for reading this recap. Or maybe you should be thanking me, since it's been the best experience of your life. You're welcome.
Coming up: Finale! And it's the most amazing runway ever ...with stilts!