It's Week 2. The heels get higher, and the bitches get bitchier. The girls head back to high school for both their challenge and their photo shoot. First, Ms. J. gives them a walking lesson on the high-school track. The girls must march individually, and then in choreographed threesomes. And not that kind of threesome, as much as Natasha's mail-order husband was looking forward to it. Speaking of Natasha, her tenuous grasp on the English language comes to the forefront, as Ms. J.'s comment about her marching translates into her thinking that she looks like a Martian. The girls must take their newly learned skills as well as their choreographed threesome routine into the high-school gym, where they walk in a prom-themed runway show for an audience of high-school students. Fashion! While Sarah's dress goes by the wayside in the "ghetto fabulous" segment of the show and her boy-chest is exposed to impressionable teens, Brittany rocks the basketball court and wins the challenge. Meanwhile, Jaslene -- who is a bit of a braggart when it comes to her runway skills -- actually does the worst, sending her down the path of a mild nervous breakdown. The other girls don't have much tolerance for her pouting, and she and Felicia get into a bit of a tiff. The photo shoot sees the girls going back to high school and posing as high school clichés. Renee struggles as class clown, but of course thinks that she can do better than every other girl on every other shoot, and pouts about how unfair the whole situation is. Jaslene redeems herself by rocking her Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club weirdo shot, while Natasha has trouble understanding the concept of "teacher's pet," and poor, innocent Samantha struggles to be the class ho. Speaking of Samantha, her generally reserved demeanor is causing some problems for her in the house, and she feels both lonely and too polite for the rest of the crew, including the free-to-be-naked-at-all-times Jael. In the end, Samantha faces off against Natasha in the bottom two. And, as you might suspect, a season's worth of broken English is just too valuable a commodity to let go of so soon, and Samantha is sent back to Alabama.
Previously: some of the girls had trouble adjusting to Renee, while Renee concurrently had trouble not being a total wanker. C7 reject Jaslene made it into the final 13 and, despite looking like a heroin-addled transvestite, seriously rocked her photo shoot. In the end, it was Kathleen who faced the dubious distinction of being named too dumb to be America's Top Model (I know, right?) and was sent home. One dozen bitches remain!
Meanwhile, I love how the credits feature every past winner except for Adrianne. I mean, even Naima! That's pretty bad.
It is night, following elimination. Felicia says that she misses Kathleen, and that's the last we hear about her. I hope she's off somewhere participating in scientific studies for cash. Jaslene calls her mom, and tells her that their first shoot and all that followed was "the bomb." She interviews that she was called first at Panel, which feels good. She tells her mom about all the great positive feedback that she got at Panel, and then calls herself "fierce" and says that she's there for a reason. So that we may be entertained? Dance, model! Or, more appropriately: cry, model! She adds that she does her best when she's focused and "in the zone." She is already starting to annoy me.
Meanwhile, gentle music plays as we see Samantha lying on her bed. She says that she's pretty much a country girl, and that some of the other girls in the house are crazy. To wit, we see Jael and Whitney rubbing their boobs together. Hey, I just write down what I see. Samantha says that she keeps to herself when she's stressed. She likes to write in a notebook and express her feelings that way, or talk to her family members. We see her talking to her dad on the phone, and she cries and says she misses home. Her dad tells her to have fun, and never to forget who she is. She says that she'll never forget who she is. Samantha interviews that she doesn't fit in, and sees herself as being different from the other girls. And seriously, Samantha, take it from me -- that is a very good thing. However, she says that she still wants to be on the cover of a magazine, or on the catwalk. Samantha is so nice and normal. I just want to hug her and take her away from all of this jiggly madness.
Tyra Mail! "Babies learn how to do it. Can you?" Oh, don't tell me that Tyra is going to take the whole "mama" thing so far that she actually tries to breastfeed the cast. The girls think that it means something about walking. Boy, are they going to be surprised!
In the morning, the girls head to a high-school football field/track. A marching band comes out. All right! The girls are going to have to be fierce rocking a band uniform and a tuba! Ms. J. leads the band like a postmodern Harold Hill, twirling his baton halfheartedly. He tells the girls that this band is known for its timing, precision, and choreography. He says that sometimes you have to be precise on the catwalk, and today he's going to test just how precise their walks are. The girls change into gym outfits and heels, and return to see Ms. J. in a Catholic-schoolgirl uniform. He makes each of them walk on the white line of the track as he critiques them. Wouldn't it be great if they had to jump a hurdle? Or chase a carrot?
Felicia looks like she's carrying two bags of groceries, while Samantha readily admits that her right arm doesn't move. Ms. J. tells Natasha that he doesn't know if she's walking or marching. Natasha translates thusly: "Ms. J., he said that I walk like I'm Martian. I'm doing great." Sometimes I want to be Natasha. Ms. J. tells Renee that she walks on her heels, and she says that she was nervous because she wanted to impress J. and show him that she's fierce. When Jaslene walks, Ms. J. tells her to take longer steps. She interviews that she found his suggestions very helpful, but that this is who she is, and that when she walks on the runway, she really stands out. I love the whole "That's who I am" argument people give. Like, someone could gently say, "You know, you're really a rancid bitch, and you smell like you've bathed in fish juice. Maybe you want to work on that?" And Jaslene would be all, "Well, that's who I am. I smell like herring, and if you don't like that, too bad." Like, take a good suggestion gracefully. Renee interviews that "Little Miss Cha Cha Diva" didn't get all the praise that she was expecting. You know that Renee loves this fact a little too much.
Just then, a group of eight planes flies overhead in formation, and Ms. J. gets all wet pointing out how they perfectly illustrate the themes of timing, precision, and choreography. He tells the girls that sometimes they'll have to work in groups on the runway and do doubles or triples. He says that even Miss Tyra Banks herself has done shows where she walked out with another girl. She doesn't do that anymore, because another model won't fit on the runway with her. The girls learn some not-so-complicated runway choreography that involves them walking in groups of three, with the outside folks criss-crossing and the girl in the middle lagging behind them a bit. There's a bit of timing involved, and I could see how you might get tripped up if you're not paying attention or are dumb. Thank God Kathleen didn't make it to this point. She'd probably climb up the goal post.
The first group goes. Renee, of course, thinks that she did great, even though she's not sure about her team. Sarah has to walk with Jael and Natasha. She interviews that she thinks it's easier to walk in heels, because you have more elegance. We see her walk out of her shoe and have to bend down, pick it up, and hop to put it back on. Even the editors hate her! Jaslene interviews that when she sees the other girls walk, it's funny to her. Yeah, we know, you're great. She goes with her group, and interviews that she didn't feel like she needed to practice, because she's the best once she gets out there. A bell rings, and Ms. J. tells the girls to get into the gym for their final exam.
Once they're there, the girls meet fashion show producer Roy Campbell. He's also done runway events for Tyra Banks, who is his good friend. Roy tells the girls that their challenge for the week will be to compete in a real, live fashion show. Yes, in the gym. And the theme is "the prom." As Roy says these words, out walks Ms. J. in a lavender taffeta creation. And I know I reference Paris Is Burning just about every recap, but I don't know how they didn't set this whole segment to "Got To Be Real." Natasha doesn't know dick about prom, because she's from Russia. I have a feeling that "Natasha doesn't know dick about ________, because she's from Russia," might be a theme of the season. Ms. J. drops the bomb that the girls will have to do their not so challenging choreography from earlier, and Roy drops the bomb that their audience will be students from the school. And Anna Wintour. There will be three categories of fashion: modern contemporary prom, '80s, and "ghetto fabulous." Seriously, they need to rename this America's Top Drag Ball Participant. I await the Dynasty-themed runway show in Episode 6.
The girls get their hair and makeup done backstage. And I guess, in this case, "backstage" is, like, where the lunch ladies hang out. Natasha tells Jael that she needs to walk faster, and Jael counters that Natasha should focus on not stepping on her dress. Jael interviews that she thinks it's hysterical how seriously everyone is taking everything. She's probably going to get flak for that attitude at Panel one of these days, but girl has a point. Roy tells the girls that there will be a great prize for the winner of this challenge. A free dinner at Denny's! On your birthday!
The audience files in. And seriously, they can't even fill up the auditorium at the school where they're holding this event. How do they expect their winner to conquer Milan? The girls discuss their choreography. Renee says that Jaslene is full of herself. She then adds that this is Renee's time to shine. What one has to do with the other, I don't know. Cassandra tries to make sure Jaslene knows what she's doing, since she'll be in a different position. Jaslene, of course, thinks she knows everything. She says that the rest of the bitches talk a good game, but asks if they can play the game. Maybe if the game is, like, Connect 4 or Hungry Hungry Hippos. Jaslene says that she has her signature walk down pat. Cassandra asks her if she should walk with her hands on her hips the whole time, and Jaslene just says, "Whatever you want," in Spanish. It would be awesome if Cassandra had said, "I want to punch you in the face," and then done so. Commercials.
When we return, the show begins! Roy is the emcee. He says that Sarah had great posture and form, which helped her along. Renee is, of course, nervous and intent on showing everyone that she's the best. Felicia looks really cute in promwear. Diana looks super-uncomfortable. Jaslene says that she got an adrenaline rush like there was "fire running" behind her. Oh, if only.
We begin the '80s round. Roy says that Natasha wasn't cognizant of the other girls on the runway, and generally was just not quite right. Samantha is very pretty, according to Roy, but needs more attitude. Renee was bland and average in terms of standing out from the other girls, but she did connect with the audience. Brittany tells us that she was acting and playing the part while trying to hit her marks.
And then it's time for everyone's favorite genre of prom dresses: ghetto fabulous. Sarah, Natasha, and Jael are first out, and Sarah's drapey low-cut dress apparently needs a little double-stick tape. As Jael says, her chest "decided to be exposed." Of course Jael says that she thought that was very liberating for Sarah, and was glad that Jael got to experience that to her. The crowd goes wild. Sarah says that she just kept going, because she wasn't going to let something like that ruin her runway walk. And, I mean, it's not like she really has any boobs to speak of anyway.
Samantha says that her ghetto fabulous dress needed to be burned, and was way too short. She wouldn't have been allowed to go to prom in that dress. Aw, she's such a good girl. Whitney and Felicia bump into each other, and I don't know whose fault it is. Roy says that Brittany has a very strong runway look, and gets the catwalk. I think she looks like she has cerebral palsy, but to each his own. Jaslene and Diana crash into each other. Roy says that Jaslene was the one who really didn't seem to get the choreography or get where everyone else was. Nor did she seem to care. Yeah, that sounds about right. Renee and Dionne bump into each other which is, of course, all Dionne's fault. Renee chides the other girls for their lack of experience. To which I say...well, I was going to say, "HA," but I decided at the last minute to change it to "Shut up, Renee."
Roy gives the girls their critiques. He says that Natasha wasn't cognizant of where the other girls were. Samantha needed a little hip-hop attitude, especially for the ghetto fabulous portion of the show. Sarah should have covered her boobies, given that she was in front of an audience of underage, horny teens. Renee tended to lag behind the other girls. Renee interviews that she doesn't really care about her critique. The crowd was loving her, so she thinks she did "really good [sic]." Wow, way to go, you impressed said audience of horny, underage teens. You're a star. Brittany had the best stage presence and always managed to get back on track when she slipped up. Then Roy turns to Jaslene. She has a big old smile on her face, and is likely expecting praise. Instead, Roy says that she seemed lost on the runway and made a lot of mistakes. Jaslene interviews that she was in shock. She was feeling good about herself and knows that she did well. Delusion is a powerful force. So, as we can see by Renee's smirk, is bitchery. Renee tells us that Jaslene was the worst one out there, and is really upset.
And the winner of the challenge is...Brittany! Yay! I don't particularly feel one way or the other about her, but I like it when the middling girls win. She also seems genuinely surprised and proud, which is nice. She gets a big drag ball trophy. I shit you not. Sarah gives an interview about Brittany's prize and uses the word "ridonkulously." It's like Dick Cheney saying "shizzle."
Back at home, Brittany says that she's proud. Renee asks Jaslene what she thought about her critique. This is, of course, an effort for Renee to gain ammunition for later bitchery. Jaslene complains about Roy's comments, and says that he made it seem like Jaslene was the worst one when she was so confident up there. Did I mention that delusion is often closely tied to overconfidence? Renee interviews that Jaslene is very cocky and self-centered, but at the same time very insecure. Hmmm, that might describe someone else that we know.
Meanwhile, Felicia and asks Whitney if she's the only one who feels tension. Felicia tells us that the tension is due to Jaslene's critique, or rather, her stank reaction to it. She notes to a few of the other girls that attitudes are changing because certain people have fallen from the top. She says that this is why she doesn't hang around girls. And really, if this show were all the experience you had of young women, you wouldn't want to hang around them either. Jaslene says that she heard Felicia talking, and immediately put her guards up, because she knew it was about her. We, and Jaslene, hear Felicia say that Jaslene's probably mad because Brittany got the trophy. Felicia says it's too bad, because Brittany deserved it. I like Felicia. Jaslene interviews that she wanted the two of them to talk like grown adults, so she confronted Felicia about it right away. Apparently, grown adults begin such confrontations with "Speak for yourself, darling." I had a conflict resolution training at work last month, and the woman who was leading it never mentioned that technique! Felicia pretends not to know what "situation" Jaslene is talking about, and Jaslene says that it is the situation in which Felicia is talking all kinds of smack. The two shout over each other for a while. Jaslene interviews that it's very easy to get caught up in the drama "that's occurring." With no visible cause, clearly.
Jaslene is on the phone with her mom again, but this time she's crying. She says she feels like everybody's ganging up on her. Well, maybe they have their reasons. She says that they're just mad because she's the best walker, and that you can tell that they're just trying to bring her down. Jaslene's mother tells her that she needs to be strong, and Jaslene says that she doesn't have anyone out there to cry to, so her mom should just let her cry for a while. Jaslene's mom is probably so sick of her, too. Several of the girls are poolside, and notice that Jaslene's crying. Brittany seems to feel bad about it. Renee interviews with some glee that Jaslene has a tough exterior, but that it's starting to crumble. Renee notes to the other girls how they all said what good friends they were, and that she knew it would be bull once the first elimination rolled around. She really delights in the misery of others. She's like the Heat Miser. Jaslene tells her mom that she feels like a time bomb that's about to blow up. That would be one hairy mess to clean up. She blots her salty tears with a paper towel as we head to commercials.
When we return, there is Tyra Mail. Natasha reads it, which is a mistake. The Tyra Mail reads, "I'm so glad we're BFFs. Good luck in all you do and don't forget to KIT. Love, Tyra." Sarah notes that sometimes it's difficult for Natasha to get her point across because of the language barrier. You know that any time someone would yell, "Move it, you skank!" or something of the sort, her husband would just tell her, "That means you're beautiful."
The girls wind up back at the high school, where they meet Jay Manuel. He tells them that their photo shoot this week is going to be high school clichés. Renee is the class clown, Whitney is the mean girl, Jael is the bookworm, Felicia is the jock, Cassandra is the cheerleader, Jaslene is the weirdo, Diana is the student body president, Brittany is the valedictorian, Dionne is the bad girl, Natasha is the teacher's pet, Sarah is the class flirt, and Samantha is the girl with the bad reputation. Special guest Hallie Bowman, Herbal Essences professional stylist, is there to do their hair, with a lot of Herbal Essences products. How will the girls be able to hear Jay's directions over the sounds of so many orgasms happening at once?
Jael shoots first. She is dressed as the nerd, and says that she loves her look and that it's something that she'd wear on a normal occasion. She actually looks really cute. She wants to take the glasses from her wardrobe home with her -- they let out the nerd inside her soul.
, Sarah does flirty. Jay tells her to go with her first instinct, because she knows what she's doing. Sarah interviews that she thinks because she does photography and has done modeling before, she tends to overthink and overanalyze. Well, we all know where that leads. I have to say, Sarah seems less annoying in this episode. Maybe it's because certain other folks are being doubly annoying.
Dionne is . She says that she's not a bad girl, but could maybe play it slutty, because she's good at seducing people. She gets them in that dentist chair and uses wiles like you've never seen from someone holding a tooth scraper. Dionne, it must be said, looks hot.
is Cassandra. We get a bunch of stuff from the Herbal Essences lady, which is hilarious since we know that Cassandra has a wig sewn to her head. Cassandra is the cheerleader, and gets to show some attitude. Jay tells her that he thinks it's a little dull, and that Cassandra is not a dull girl. She tries to be less dull, with mixed results.
And then there is Fucking Renee. Renee tells us that she's the class clown, which makes her a little "piffed." "Piffed"? For real? Does she mean miffed? Or pissed? Or a combination of both, which I guess would be "piffed." Pissily miffed. I don't know why, but my mind is totally blown right now. Renee wonders why she couldn't get something that she's good at. Well, because that thing doesn't exist. She argues that other girls are getting stuff that they're good at. Oh, shut up and do your job. She tries to be clowny, but has not one funny bone in her body, and thus struggles. Jay suggests that she ask Jael, who is sitting in the room, for tips on being a clown. Renee is also apparently piffed that Jael and Sarah are in the room watching her shoot without asking her first. Jay says that Renee was painful to watch because she didn't come out of her shell, and also doesn't have the best range of expressions.
Samantha is . She says that the girl with the bad reputation isn't her at all. Jay says that last week probably wasn't her either, and Samantha agrees. She says that she got to be a lesbian and a ho, and sarcastically adds that it's so much fun. Try being a lesbian ho, which is perhaps the most fun of all! Samantha's all decked out in a skanky outfit. She says that she's thinking about her boyfriend, and Jay tells her to think about the other one. She says that there isn't another one. Oh, innocent Samantha. To add to her misery, Jay tells her to pretend like she's masturbating. And first of all, they bleep out the word "masturbating." You can't say "masturbating" on TV? And second of all, Samantha has totally never masturbated. You can tell that she's all like, "If I touch it, it will fall off!" even though that doesn't make any sense for a girl. She is scandalized, and thinks that even if she pretends to masturbate for the photo shoot, she'll go blind. Meanwhile, for no apparent reason, Fucking Renee is crying. She interviews that she could have done ten times better than Samantha, because Samantha doesn't know how to be sexy, but that being sexy is easy. Wasn't Renee just saying that she was mad that the other girls didn't have to go out of their comfort zone? Well, here's a girl going out of her comfort zone. God, I just want to snap a rubber band at Renee's face.
is Brittany, who continues to surprise me by doing well. Jay says that she looks like a model and knows how to carry off the clothing. Cut to a distressed-looking Renee, who is probably thinking that looking smart is SO EASY, despite the fact that she's never tried it.
Mean girl Whitney is , and says that even though she wasn't a mean girl, she knows what it's like to be a little catty. Jay felt like Whitney could have gone further and created a deeper character.
Diana is student body president, and wants to look sexy and confident while she's thinking "Vote for me."
Felicia the jock is , with a shot that puts her in motion. Jay says that she's really graceful, knows how to move, and can create dynamic body shapes.
Then, it's Jaslene's turn. Makeup artist Sutan says that her look encapsulates his high-school experience. She's kind of like Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club, but with long straight hair and less dandruff. But, quite possibly, with scurvy. Jaslene says that she didn't even want to watch the other girls' photo shoots. She says that she's not going to learn anything from them -- if anything, they're going to learn something by watching her. How to be a maniac, perhaps. It is a tragic twist of fate that Jaslene totally rocks the shoot. Jay says that they're not even on Frame 20 and they're done. Jaslene interviews that, as ugly as she looked, she still managed to sock it -- she just gave it to them. Well, you can't argue with that. Meanwhile, Fucking Renee is still crying. She says that she wishes she had been given something she was good at. She says that Jaslene is always given the fierce thing -- "always" being twice, since that's all the photo shoots they've had -- and that if Renee had been given similar looks, she would have done "really good [sic]" and gotten good feedback and thus would be more confident. Oh, for the love of Kathie Lee Gifford just shut up.
Meanwhile, Natasha doesn't understand the concept of "teacher's pet." This is really not her fault. She asks Jay if she should be innocent or sexy, and he says definitely not sexy. Jay eventually tells her just to imitate what she sees in a magazine, which I have to say is not very good direction. He redeems himself briefly, though, by telling Natasha to move her legs in a way that looks less like she's sitting on the toilet. Jay says that he was trying to teach Natasha how to pose, but that her problem is that she really doesn't understand modeling. As she walks away, visibly upset, Natasha says, "It's hard for me to get, cause I don't talk, like, English. I don't speak basic words. I talk like a foreigner. I feel like I'm failing." I think "I don't speak basic words" is a bit of an exaggeration. Even so, foreigners are funny when they're sad!
Meanwhile, back at home, Renee is still jawing. She's complaining that they give her stuff they know she's not going to be good at. Quite awesomely, Brittany yawns. Out of nowhere, Jaslene says that she speaks a lot with her eyes. More with the eyes and less with the mouth and we'd have a winner. Renee says that she speaks a lot with her eyes too, before giving a flippant "Whatever." Renee confessionalizes that Jaslene is getting all the cool looks, and then adds that she's got it, and can show us fierce and angry and sexy. How about class clown? Oh, right. Renee tells the other girls that if you're going to take one girl out of her element, you have to take all of them out of their elements. I would like to take Renee out of the element of oxygen. Jaslene quite correctly interviews that Renee is making a whole pile of excuses.
Tyra Mail! Jael comes prancing in wearing a wig and a g-string and nothing else. Classy! Cassandra says that some people are not comfortable with that, and we cut to Samantha. Jael puts the giant Tyra Mail envelope over her chest, which is pretty hilarious. In any case, someone is going home tomorrow. Samantha interviews that there is a time and place to have fun, but that you don't have to be like that all the time. She's a serious little thing, isn't she? She says that it's really hard to explain how you can feel so alone in a house with so many people. Oh, poor Samantha. Meanwhile, Natasha relives how she didn't know what a teacher's pet was. She says that she's always nervous before an elimination, but even more so now that her photo shoot didn't go so well. She worries that she might go home, and we head to commercials.
We enter judging with a photo of Tyra as the class madam. She tells the girls that they all look smashing, which is somewhat unusual at this point in the competition. There are prizes, there are judges. This season, Ms. J. has some ruffle theme, whereby each week he puts on a ruffle in memory of the girl who got eliminated. If he really wanted to get our attention, he would cut off a digit each week. The way Tyra explains the whole thing, you can tell that even she thinks it's dumb. That's a bad sign. Roy Campbell is the guest judge. Tyra says that she's known him since she was seventeen, and that he wrote the very first article about her in a fashion magazine.
Sarah is up first for her individual evaluation. I covet her dress. Nigel thinks that the class flirt is a great role for her, because of her natural flirtatious tendencies. Twiggy thinks it's too sexy, and brings up the fine line between fashion and men's magazines. Tyra gives Mr. Jay's feedback, which was that Sarah overthinks and needs to trust her instincts.
Cassandra is , and man is she skinny. Really skinny girls should not wear leggings. She looks like me in seventh grade in the '80s. Roy thinks she makes one hell of a cheerleader. Twiggy says that she has no fire in her eyes. Tyra says that she can go for a bored look, but that it needs to be exaggerated.
is Diana as class president. Nigel likes her "snooty factor," and how she's in control of the picture. Tyra agrees.
Dionne is . Her picture as a bad girl is so good! Seriously, she looks amazing. Who knew that the dentist was going to turn it out? Nigel loves that she has a little naughtiness in her eyes, and says that she definitely has the bad-girl instincts. The other judges love both her body and her face. It's a great photo.
is Brittany, the valedictorian. Twiggy thinks that she has a timeless face. Nigel thinks it's superb picture, and that she looks clever and like a model. She nailed it. I have to say, it does look like something you'd see in a magazine. I'm calling Dionne and Brittany the "Who Knew Club," because I had totally written them off in the first episode.
Miss Samantha is as the girl with the bad reputation. There is general agreement that she doesn't look anywhere near trampy enough. Tyra says that, in her film, she did do some sexier stuff, but seemed so unsure, like, "I think I'm a ho?" You know this sends Renee into spirals of "But I KNOW I'm a ho! I would have done sixty-five times better!" Tyra says that most modeling is acting like a ho, but making it fashion. She demonstrates by pushing out her boobs them pulling them in, and putting her finger in her mouth then turning it to the side. Are you clear on that?
Felicia is as the jock, and her shot is great, too. I'd add her to the Who Knew Club as well. Roy says that she has a classic face, and that she nailed the shot, and should be proud. Ms. J. says she looks like Tyra. Tyra says that Felicia had so many good shots. She thinks that Felicia's dancing helps her to know how to move her body and have a great face at the same time.
Jael's photo is adorable. Tyra likes it because it's nerdy but fashion. The judges all agree that it's great.
Then there is Jaslene. Her photo gets raves from all the judges. Jaslene is really the president of the Who Knew Club. Ms. J. tells the other girls in the house that they'd better watch out, which gets a prickly look from Renee, who is apparently still piffed. Jaslene says that they're on her already. She adds that they're scattered around the house talking about her, and that most of them are being phony. Renee rolls her eyes and looks at someone else off-camera. Jaslene says that being in front of Panel is the happiest she's been. She then adds that she not only wants this, but desires this. I wonder if she was going to say "deserves," and then thought better of it at the last moment, because what she actually said makes no sense. She adds that she doesn't like to be uncomfortable. Well, the rest of the world LOVES being uncomfortable! Catch up, Jaslene. Renee looks at her off-camera friend and cracks up. Roy tells Jaslene that the world of fashion is phony, and that people will kiss you on the cheek then stab you in the back, so she should get used to it. Nigel tells her that she needs thicker skin, and Roy tells her to let them talk and do her thing. Ms. J. says that she did her thing with this photo.
Whitney is . Her mean girl photo is so-so. She needs to have a bit more extreme body language, and Tyra says that, in her film, it looked like she was thinking one-dimensionally. Whitney says that it was a little difficult, because she had marks she had to it. Tyra tells us that she just did a shoot for Vanity Fair where she was instructed not to move, but still managed to get some movement and expression. In other words, no excuses, Whitters.
is class clown Renee. Her photo is not bad at all. Ms. J. says something unintelligible, but I think he likes it. He should just grunt and let us interpret it as we may. Renee says that it took her a couple of shots to get into it. Tyra tells her to watch the face, because she's going to ruin a lot of shots with it. What she actually says is that Renee is going to ruin a lot of shots by not being conscious of her face, but I like my way better. Nigel loves the fact that Renee committed to the picture. He says that there's a lot of energy in the shot, but that he knows that Renee can still give them more. Jaslene scowls. Tyra and Jay both agree that the photo is good, not great.
Last is Natasha, the teacher's pet. No one is really thrilled with her photo. Twiggy says that Natasha has such an extraordinary face. Nigel says that he doesn't think she figured out the concept of "teacher's pet," and that maybe it's a language barrier. Roy says that she looks like the Queen from Snow White with the apple and all. Tyra tells Natasha to relax her mouth, because pushing out your lips isn't always sexy. She says that models need to have Novocaine mouth and bring the intensity into their eyes. Tyra adds that Jay said Natasha's shoot was the hardest to direct in Top Model history, and that she's worse than Cycle 3's Ann. Natasha smiles and says that she remembers Ann, and that Ann was one of the most beautiful girls. The judges laugh, because cluelessness is endearing when it comes with an accent. Unless it's a Brooklyn accent. Sorry, Kathleen! The judges think it's hilarious and awesome that Natasha took their critique as a positive.
The judges deliberate. Brittany's taken two great shots in a row and was phenomenal on the runway. Renee has a great look in person, but it hasn't translated to a photograph yet. Tyra says there's something about Renee that touches her. Maybe it's Renee's giant claw. Tyra feels that this competition is helping Renee. You know, except with how it's making the world kind of hate her. Whitney is a bit housewifey for Twiggy, but Nigel thinks she has a great personality. Tyra says that Whitney is a girl in desperate need of a makeover. Twiggy loves Cassandra's walk and body, but Tyra says that she needs to model strongly with her face and be present. Twiggy wants to slap Natasha because she's got it all but doesn't know how to use it. Nigel says that Natasha isn't all there, and that the dots aren't connecting, to which Tyra replies in a Russian accent, "Thank you! I am connecting! Thank you so much! You say I'm beautiful, I love it." Heh. See, Tyra can be funny sometimes. Ms. J. wants more energy and less control from Diana. Twiggy says that Diana's face looks like a model's to her. Oh, the old "She has such a pretty face!" line. Twiggy loves Diana's "proudness." In America, we call that pride. Jaslene's photo is the best of the bunch, but Roy says that she needs to stop worrying about who's hating and buck up. Twiggy says that if Jaslene went into castings without photographs, she doesn't think she'd get the job. In other words, Jaslene is really scary-looking in person, which we already knew. Nigel suggests sending the book only. Heh. Sarah doesn't do it for Twiggy, who thinks she's birdlike, but Roy says that he'd like to see her develop and get more opportunities. Samantha is one of the best-looking girls there, according to Nigel, but he doesn't see her having any personality. It's true. Twiggy loves the way she photographs, but agrees that the personality is a major problem. She's a nice, polite, shy girl! Which, yeah, put her in a room with Naomi Campbell and she'd get eaten alive. Figuratively, as opposed to if you put her in a room with only Tyra. Tyra says that Samantha has so much potential, but it's all bottled up, and it's almost as if she needs some Top Model pre-training. Roy says that he wants to put a fork in Jael because he thinks she's done. I don't exactly know what that means, but it sounds like an insult. Twiggy says that she didn't understand Jael last week, and didn't understand her this week. It is true that, to the finely trained British ear, Jael probably sounds like Neanderthal Man. Tyra tells the other judges to lay off Jael, because she's trying to find herself and figure it out. Dionne's photo is very saucy, according to Twiggy. Roy says that if he had to give her a grade, it would be a C. Nigel asks why, and Roy says, "She's average." Better than average is Felicia: Nigel thinks she has a lot to offer. Twiggy says that Felicia has a great body, but Twiggy needs to keep an eye on her. Tyra thinks Felicia looks fierce, but doesn't look like her.
The girls line up before Tyra. Jaslene gets called first again, with praise for being the strongest one of the bunch. Then: Felicia, Diana, Renee, Brittany, Cassandra, Dionne, Jael, Whitney, and Sarah. Samantha and Natasha step forward. The judges say that the two of them have the strongest faces, but that something is lacking with each. Samantha takes beautiful pictures, but seems way too young. Natasha has a gorgeous face, but it hasn't translated to photos. So maybe she's not photogenic. Natasha gets the photo because, says Tyra, of what she has on the inside -- life and experience and a story, and hopefully some drama yet to come. Tyra says that's what she loves about this competition -- it's about more than being pretty or taking a pretty photo. Yeah, yeah, then get some hags on there. Talk is cheap, Tyra.
Tyra hugs Samantha and says that she just needs a little more time. The other girls are crying that she has to leave. Renee seems particularly upset, and says that she loves Samantha and that she should be a good girl. Samantha tells us that she's not outgoing like wild and crazy Jael. She's very simple, and that's how she was raised. The plus side of getting kicked off is that she gets to go home and see her family. She says that maybe, sometime in the future, modeling will work out, but this wasn't the time, or God's plan for her. I think God in all His wisdom probably wanted to get Samantha out of that house as fast as possible.
week: makeovers! Renee and Brittany have some words. And Jael gets some tragic news from home.