It's the third episode of the season, and you know what that means. Makeover time! Tyra makes a lot of fun of the whiny girls from past seasons, and then gets a big chunk of her weave cut off with hedge clippers. Would that Ms. J. had accidentally slipped just a little. An exposé on a hedge clipper styling accident is just what Tyra needs to push her talk show to the level. As usual, some of the makeovers are good, some are bad, some girls are happy, and some aren't. Poor Jael spends eight hours getting a weave only to have Tyra decide that it's not working and take it out. Jael gets pretty much all of her hair cut off. As if this wasn't enough to deal with, she gets a call and learns that a friend has overdosed and died. Guess that puts the whole hair thing in perspective. Meanwhile, back at the house, Brittany is annoying everyone with her constant crying. Her weave hurts, wah wah wah. Be glad those hedge clippers didn't take off your ear! Whitney summons the courage of a nation and slaps her up, gives her the deuces, and walks away. Despite the whining and some digestive problems, Brittany wins the challenge for the week (which involves Cover Girl makeup, of course), and has as a prize a spread in Seventeen. She picks Jael and Sarah to share in her good fortune. Later on, she has some drama with Renee, and Renee actually gives her the finger, which is so trashy and awesome. The photo shoot for the week literally puts the girls in a sticky situation as they are nude but for candy, sauces, and ice cream covering their bodies. That seems so unsanitary. Brittany once again whines about the naked part, but eventually gets over it and turns it out. She gets lots of raves on her photo, to the chagrin of many. In the end, we are left with Cassandra and Diana, and despite the fact that she's boring, Diana is spared for at least one more week.
Previously: the girls went back to Skank High for a prom-themed fashion show. They also had to pose as class clichés, and Samantha was too good a girl to convincingly go bad, and got sent home. Eleven girls remain!
We open with Diana and Whitney sitting outside and discussing how they don't want to be "the fat girls." Because if they did, they'd have gone on that Mo'Nique show. Diana interviews that it's difficult to be plus-sized in this competition, but that she is grateful to have Whitney to talk to. Not only are they both plus-sized models, but they click. And apparently one thing they enjoy talking about is how to pose to make their bodies look good. Diana notes that it's not aesthetically appealing to have rolls showing everywhere. Unless they are cinnamon rolls. Mmm. Writing about the plus-sized girls always makes me hungry.
Meanwhile, Cassandra and Jaslene are talking. Jaslene tells Cassandra that she's only down when she starts thinking about her family. Or, I might add, when she looks in the mirror. Jaslene confessionalizes that Cassandra helps her to find inner peace. What about her outer piece? I guess that's on prominent enough display. Cassandra tells Jaslene to worry about pleasing herself and God, and to be herself. She interviews that she knows that this is a competition, but that she thinks she can still be successful and be her normal nice, friendly, self. Amateur.
Soon enough, it is dark. Jael is putting red tinsel on her head and asking the other girls if it's a good look. They all laugh and agree that it suits her. Jael says that she knows she's a lot different from the other girls, but that this is a chance of a lifetime, so she just has to focus on being the best model she can be.
Tyra Mail! "We cut only one of you last night, but we'll cut a few of you tomorrow. Love, Tyra." That's right, bitches...makeovers! All the girls yell and jump up and down. Whitney says that they've all been waiting for this day, and that she's so excited. Jael tells Brittany that she hopes they make her blonde. Brittany says that they can do whatever they want to her and she won't be upset. I seem to have heard those words before -- every season from the girl who eventually freaks out, in fact! Oh, Top Model, you really do fit like an old, well-worn stiletto. And you smell like one, too!
Early the morning, the girls go to the John Sessions Salon, where they meet Jay Manuel and a stylist named Neeko. Neeko has worked with Tyra since she was seventeen years old. Jesus, who hasn't? Speaking of Tyra, she comes out wearing striped pajamas with her weave in huge curlers. She pretends she doesn't know what's going on. Jay says that it's makeover time, and Tyra says that she thought they weren't even going to do that this season, because of the way the girls always whine and cry and complain. I would think that meant that they were going to do it twice a season. We relive the past glories of Giselle, Catie, Ann, Brandy (yay!), Cassandra, Jade, and Jaeda. Tyra asks the girls if they want the makeovers. The girls scream yes, and Tyra tells them to tell her that they need them. She hasn't gotten any in a long time, has she? They do, and it's makeover time.
So here's what's going down. Jael's going to go brunette and get long extensions. Cassandra's getting her sewn-in wig removed, and will then get a thick, wavy Afro weave. Renee will get her hair chopped off Yoanna-style, to accentuate her broad shoulders. Whitney is getting big, curly wavy hair. Diana is going blonde, and might also get a few weave tracks to make her hair thicker and longer. Felicia is getting blunt bangs on top of a long, straight layer. Dionne is getting a "Kelis" 'do, which is apparently short with a "heavy thing" at the front. I have no idea how that one is going to turn out. Sarah's basically going to keep her cut, with a little shape and dirtiness. That doesn't bode well. Jaslene's going to go a little shorter, but with added thickness and body. Brittany can handle almost anything, says Tyra, so she will get big, bushy, long, wavy red hair. Natasha's going to get a chocolate brown Vidal Sassoon-inspired cut that is longer in the front than the back. The Jays then go through this whole big where they cut a chunk of Tyra's hair off with hedge clippers, like anyone believes that Tyra has any actual hair. We all know the woman is bald as Telly Savalas.
The makeovers begin! There are lots of chemicals and foil bits. Sarah is done first, with her light brown hair. She says that it really brings out her facial features. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.
Dionne's short 'do looks pretty good. She says that she would have never gotten her hair cut like that, but that she loves it.
And then, we get a little taste o' Brittany. She tells the stylist that she doesn't know how she'll feel about having long, big hair, because dead hair freaks her out. She then tells us that she had her hair dyed a whole bunch of times, and walks away from the drying machine telling the colorist that she can put up with it, but would rather not be burned if she doesn't have to be. Diva out of nowhere, this one is.
Cassandra loves her new Afro. She looks an awful lot like Scary Spice and Barbra Streisand's secret love child.
Jaslene says that when they chopped off her hair, they chopped off some anger and resentment with it. Well, there's still a lot of hair there, so I wouldn't get my hopes up too high for that one.
Renee seems to take everything in stride, even though she doesn't look super-psyched about the whole cut. She says that she'll just have to work with what she's given.
Meanwhile, it's Jael's turn. She says that she doesn't want normal hair, and then adds that she'll just have to be wilder inside so that no one mistakes her normal hair for a normal attitude. Just open your mouth and they'll get it, my little pet.
Miss J. gets a makeover, too. Jay jokes with him that he should go with a Mia Farrow cut, and if he can't handle it, he should get off Jay's set. Oh, those irrepressible two.
Felicia loves her bangs and darker color, though I think all that hair kind of overwhelms her.
Jay tells Natasha that he loves her spirit to death. Natasha says that her darker, severe cut proves that any hair at all can work for her. That girl is truly unsinkable.
Meanwhile, Brittany goes through a little bit of pain as her weave is being sewn in. And I have to say...that is the fakest-looking hair that has ever graced this show. She kind of looks like the dude from Children Of The Corn. That, and Laurie from Trading Spaces. ["Oh my God, THANK YOU. That was driving me crazy! She totally is like Laurie, if Laurie was going to a costume party as Raggedy Ann." -- Wing Chun] Brittany says that she never thought getting her hair done would be such an ordeal, and that she would never do this to herself. Her hair looked pretty terrible before, too, when it comes down to it.
Whitney says that her hair is everything that she wanted and more, and that she's in love with it. It really is awfully silky-looking.
Diana really likes her blonde hair, and says that she thinks she'll stay with it for a long time.
Meanwhile, Jael is having some hard times. She says that they took eight hours to do her hair, and that it hurt like hell. Cassandra interviews that she felt sorry for Jael and Brittany, because she knows that getting all the little pre-weave braids is painful. And to add to the sympathy, Jay comes over to Jael and says that he just had a call with Tyra. While the work that was done to the other girls' hair has elevated them to another level, they fear that what they've done to Jael's hair is bringing her down. They don't want a bad makeover to hurt her chances, so they're going to take out the whole thing and give her the old standby Mia Farrow cut. Jael starts to cry. Sarah says that she felt so bad for Jael, because she had to sit there for eight hours and endure lots of pain, and that it was all for naught. As Jael sheds more tears, we head to commercials.
When we return, you can tell that everyone feels kind of sorry for Jael. Okay, except maybe Renee, who was probably rubbing her hands in glee and cackling, "Mwah ha ha!" and twisting her handlebar moustache. Jael tells us that as they were chopping off all her hair, she felt kind of traumatized. Miss J. helpfully tells her that, now that she doesn't have any hair on her head, she's going to have to work extra-hard. Jay tells Jael that she looks so much better, and that her face looks amazing. Well, he has to say that. He was the one who effed things up in the first place. He says that he understands the tears for a minute, but that she has to decide if she wants to own it. She says that she does. Jael interviews that she can rock any hair, because she's a rocker. And really, her hair was pretty short to begin with. I think it's the whole "eight hours in the chair" thing that did her in.
When the girls arrive home, there is Tyra Mail. Natasha -- who now looks kind of like Natasha of Boris and Natasha -- reads it: "For those of you who didn't make the cut, you have one more chance to make it up to me. Love, Tyra." Renee tells us that she thought it was going to be a makeup challenge. Way to use the context clues of the words "make" and "up" being in the Tyra Mail.
Meanwhile, Brittany is having some issues with the old weave-a-rone. She says that it itches, and then confessionalizes that she doesn't want to complain, but that it just hurts. Diana interviews that Brittany wants sympathy from others, and that she's so sick of it already. And...yeah, this is pretty much the wrong crowd to go to if you want sympathy. Some of the girls talk about Brittany's constant crying, and Whitney interviews that she wants to smack her and give her something to cry about. Heh. I love Whitney. Whitney then confronts Brittany and tells her that people cry about major stuff, like when someone they know gets shot, but that crying about your ratty weave is unacceptable. Whitney interviews that she told Brittany how it was, slapped her up, gave her the deuces, and walked away. The other girls kind of laugh as it happens, and Brittany seems to take it without too much comment. She's about to eat a nice, juicy steak, though, so maybe the promise of extra iron and A1 Sauce has helped to relieve the weave pain.
The morning, Jael checks her messages. A man's voice tells her to call him right away, because someone (the name is bleeped out) has passed away. When Jael talks to her caller, she learns that her very close friend has overdosed. She is quite upset. Brittany sits with her for a minute, and then they go outside, where other girls eventually come to find out what's happened. It's pretty sad. Jael interviews that she'd rather not be dealing with this crisis in her life, but says that modeling is a good distraction for her right now. If past seasons are any indication, the photo shoot will probably involve Jael snorting coke off a tombstone or something.
The girls head to beautiful Descanso Gardens. It is a lovely sunny day. Brittany is complaining about having a stomach bug. She starts crying again. She interviews that she felt really ill and was "sort of having some digestive issues." That kind of vague language can only mean one thing: an ass-burning case of the shits. She says that she was throwing up, too. Yeesh. Renee asks her if she's just going to take rest for the day and sleep in the limo or something. Jael leans over and tells Brittany that if she participates because she wants to, she'll be fine. Renee says that Brittany might want to think about what she's doing. Renee is so evil, man. Jael is having none of it, and tells Brittany to pull it together. They're like little against-type angels and devils on Brittany's shoulders.
The girls meet Roxanna Floyd, Cover Girl makeup artist, and Carissa Rosenberg, the entertainment director of Seventeen. They tell the girls that they are, indeed, there for a makeup challenge with Cover Girl's spring line, and that the winner of the challenge, plus two friends, will get a spread in Seventeen. The girls are duly excited. They also all get to put on pretty spring dresses, courtesy of the magazine before the challenge commences. For most of the girls, this is no problem, but Whitney and Diana have some trouble finding garments that fit. Diana says that it's difficult to be a plus-sized girl in a competition full of skinnies. When they do challenges, the clothes are usually sample size, so she's always worried what she'll do if she can't find something that fits. Eventually, though, both girls seem to find something that works. The girls have ten minutes to create a clean, colorful look using tables of products that have been spread out among the gardens. It is minor bedlam. Jaslene goes on for a bit about how awesome the Cover Girl eyeshadow was, while Brittany pushes through the sickness and maybe hurls in the petunias as she runs from table to table. Cassandra takes an extra second to put on more eyeshadow -- to her detriment, because she winds up being late to the finish line and is disqualified. It's too bad, because her makeup looks good. She says that she's really upset, because she knows she had a chance at winning. Eh -- be faster, then.
Roxanna and Carissa give the girls their evaluations. Whitney doesn't look like she's wearing any makeup. Natasha's lip is too strong. Diana went very soft, but needed to go for it more. And then...Brittany wins! She made the colors her own and blended them and some other crap blah blah blah. She gets to pick two friends, and chooses Jael and Sarah, because they were the two people who told her to participate in the competition even though she was sick. Renee should get an anti-prize of some sort. Jael interviews that she was excited to do something fun to distract her from the sadness about her friend. Brittany, Jael, and Sarah get to do a "hair accessories story" to showcase the hottest trends for spring. Get ready to wear lots of big plastic flowers in your hair, ladies! Jael says that Brittany takes the greatest photos that she's ever seen. She thinks that Brittany's awesome, and that the rest of the girls are jealous. There might be something to that, even though Brittany was flying her annoying flag earlier. A scowling Renee looks on as Brittany is being shot for Seventeen. She interviews that Brittany is boring and doesn't stand out to her, and that she doesn't understand why Brittany's winning all of the challenges. She says that it's okay if Brittany wins the battles, as long as Renee wins the war. Renee needs some new metaphors, man.
When they get home, there is Tyra Mail: "Sundae is not just a day of rest. Love, Tyra." You know that Tyra's custom-made calendar lists the other days of the week as, "Ribday, Porkday, Lardday, McMuffinday, Twixday, and Kissmyfattassday."
Out on the lanai, Renee complains to Diana about Brittany. She says that she can't handle her, and asks if Diana thinks Brittany is fake. Brittany says that some of the girls apparently think that she's acting all the time, because she's been getting emotional lately. Diana is apparently one of those girls, because she doesn't believe or trust Brittany. I mean, I think Brittany's kind of a fruitcake, but I wouldn't say that she's acting. Brittany says that she isn't usually a fan of confronting people, but thought that she should say something. As Diana and Renee come in, she tells them that the walls in a house full of women are paper-thin, and that's all she has to say. Renee replies that she has been nothing but nice and genuine to Brittany. Has Renee ever been nice to anyone? She interviews that Renee is kind of a bitch for making Renee feel bad about gossiping, which is a natural human right. Renee thinks that Brittany is pious, and needs to come down off her pedestal. She tells Brittany that, for someone who's twenty-one, she sure acts like she's still in high school. Oh, Renee is really one to talk in this situation. Renee walks out, and Brittany calls after her, "Well, I'm still kicking your ass in this competition." Okay, that was awesome. Renee just puts her hand back through the door and gives Brittany the finger. Respeito, ladies! Commercials.
When we return, Jael is smoking in the pool and looking pretty upset. Sarah says that it's been an emotional day for her, and that she thinks that's good, because Jael needs to let her emotions out. Brittany sits with Jael by the pool. Across the way are Diana and Renee, and Brittany notes that Renee and Diana keep looking over at them. Diana and Renee are all mumbly, but I think Renee says that she wants to punch Brittany in her face, and Diana says that she can't stand the bitch either. See, Diana needs to rethink her alliances. Renee says that Jael needs to go through what she needs to go through, and that what she doesn't need is a fake bitch pretending to be her friend. Hmm. Do I sense a little hostility? It's so subtle that I can't really tell for sure.
Finally, we get back to business. The girls meet Jay Manuel at a place that has been made to look like Candyland. Jay tells them that ice cream is one of both his and Tyra's favorite treats, and today the girls are going to be the treats in the photograph. Their hair, makeup, and wardrobe is going to be candy. Hey, that sounds...sticky. Like, little-kid-hand sticky. The upshot of this is that the girls are going to be nude. There are a lot of cheers, most prominently from Jael, of course. Brittany, however, doesn't look so happy. Jay asks her about it, and she says that she'll deal. The photographer for the day is Joseph Cultice, who has shot Justin Timberlake in a leather vest. Gay!
Brittany is, once again, getting all weepy. She says she knows that, when she gets home, her parents are going to be really upset that she had to take her clothes off, and that she's going to have to deal with that. Okay, first of all, have you never watched the show? And second, you said you'd deal, so deal. If not for Renee making Brittany look better, I might be more annoyed with her whinging. Dionne interviews that Brittany was pouting around like a little kid, and needed to get over it.
The shoot begins! Cassandra is "jelly beans." She basically has a scoop of ice cream in her hand, and a few strategically placed jelly beans glued to her body. She says that the ice cream was cold and that she was uncomfortable, but that she didn't want to complain and make a fuss. We'll see how far that gets her. Jay says that Cassandra needs to start practicing in the makeup room, because she came out looking really stiff.
Meanwhile, Brittany complains to Felicia that her hand is not going to react well having ice cream in it, and Felicia -- who is also through with Brittany -- says that nobody's hand will. Like, for real, Brittany.
Sarah is as "hard candy" and seems to do an awesome job. Jay loves her. (I should mention that there are lots of pixilated bits to be had in this whole segment.)
Dionne is a candy cane, and does some really cute stuff. She tells Jay that she thinks she's more comfortable naked, and he noncommittally says that's interesting.
Brittany complains that she's freezing and that her teeth are chattering before she finally bucks up to be a banana split. She rocks the shoot, again. Sarah says that one pose is like something you'd see in Vogue. Renee interviews that Brittany was full of excuses, but then was awesome on her shoot. She wishes Brittany would just shut up. Take that rule and apply it to yourself, Renee, and we'll be in business.
Diana is "gummy bears," and Jay tells her to suck it in. But gummy bears have those cute and delicious potbellies! He notes that she's really insecure about what to do with her body. He says that Diana needs some mirror time for sure. Diana interviews that she's not the size of Jaslene. And thank God, because that toothpick is freakish-looking. Thus, she says, she's not that comfortable with nudity. We have a brief interlude of Jay dancing around with a big plastic scoop of ice cream, like a really dedicated showgirl stuck in the freezer.
Renee is , as a candy necklace, and for once she actually seems to do well. Jay gives her a fair amount of praise and says that this is better for her.
Whitney is as a chocolate kiss. Jay says that her body looks great, but that her face needs to be more graceful. He tells her that she has a great shape, and to work it. Whitney thinks she's hot as a little chocolate goddess. I love how she's so confident.
is Jael, as "birthday cake." She just seems kind of...sweaty, or something. Like, maybe it's the leftover bit of cake that's been in the trash for a while. The photographer seems to like what she's doing, and Jay says that she looks like she's having fun. Cassandra says that Jael is hurting inside, but is masking it and making it out like everything is a joke. She says that Jael is doing a great job. Afterward, Jaslene tells Jael that she rocks.
Felicia is as a non-sweaty-looking lollipop. Jay loves her body, but the face isn't quite up to par. He wants a little more expression.
Then there is Jaslene as "dulce de leche." She says that she felt very sensual. She knows that she can give a good picture, but notes that Tyra said she wanted to see more of Jaslene's personality. In other words: where is that crazy fucker that we rejected in Cycle 7? Jaslene hopes that she's shining through and showing the judges that she belongs there. She finishes her shoot, and then someone eats a big helping of rocky road out of the cleft in her chin.
Natasha is as "gumballs." Jay says that the whole thing looks very burlesque. He was thrilled to see Natasha improve this week, because he thinks that there's a model inside of her. And then a littler model inside of that model, and a littler model inside of that model, and so on until the little thimble-sized model at the very middle. Sarah says that Natasha looks like Kate Moss, and Renee snits, "No, she doesn't, do you know who Kate Moss is?" Oh, Rancid Renee, on the prowl again. Natasha says that the shoot was hard for her, but that she did well, and so she is proud. She's growing on me.
Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home! Cassandra interviews that she might be the one going home, because she was late for the makeup challenge. Jael doesn't want to leave. She says that it's going to be hard going into Panel, given the personal stuff she's dealing with. She asks Whitney what she should do when she gets to Panel. Whitney tells her that if she wants to tell the panel what's going on, she should do so, but if not, she doesn't have to say anything about it. Whitney says a little prayer while holding Jael's hand, asking the Lord to help Jael to release the pain from her heart. It actually seems really spiritual and comforting and nice. Whitney holds Jael and rocks her, while somehow managing not to bust into "How excellent!" as we head to commercials.
We enter Panel with a picture of Tyra dressed up like a little girl (with giant knockers) in a candy store. She welcomes the girls to Panel, and is once again wearing a weird head-wrap thingy. Bald as Telly Savalas. I told you. There are prizes, there are judges. The guest judge is Neeko the hair stylist.
Jael is up first. Tyra says that she looks modelicious. Miss J. says that Jael wasn't too thrilled about the haircut at first. She agrees that she wasn't. Nigel notes that she stepped in front of them looking nervous and upset, and Jael starts to cry. The judges totally think it's about her makeover at first, and you know they're about to rip her a new one. I wish they had so that we could see them feel really stupid afterward. Jael looks back toward the other girls, who give her encouragement, and then she tells the panel that a friend of hers passed away and that she's having a really hard time with it. Tyra summons up her Oprah voice and says that of course Jael is having a hard time with it. Jael says that she doesn't want to have these problems -- she's there to be professional and be a model. Nigel says that she is both of those things. Tyra tells her that this is the time when she can just be real for a while and express her feelings, and then says that her sympathy goes out to Jael and to her friend's family. Jael reiterates that she wants to be there, and then the judges look at her picture. They love it. Twiggy says that she's engaged the camera, and Nigel says that she commands the photo, and that to be naked and have such a look in her eyes is the mark of a true professional. Tyra says that she likes how, in this photo, you can see Jael's ethnicity. You can? She's covered in sprinkles. Jael says that she wants to dedicate this photo to her girlfriend (I assume she means the friend who just passed), and Tyra says that's beautiful. And, I mean, I do think the situation is sad and all, but "In memoriam, I'd like to dedicate this photo of me as birthday cake" seems a little off.
Natasha is up . Twiggy thinks that her makeover is better, but Tyra says that there are some problems with her outfit. It is true that pink satin pants and a tank top with giant sequins might be a bit much. Natasha laughs, which cracks up the judges. Twiggy says that her gumball photo is gorgeous. Nigel notes that her eyes might be a little squinty, and Natasha says that she likes the photo anyway because it's better than her other pictures. Tyra says that Natasha is the best salesman in the world. The judges love her whole shtick. Tyra says that Natasha's film was not good overall, and that she needs to relax and stop thinking. Beauty doesn't make a model, she says, and all those weird-looking girls that we make fun of make great models because they know how to project.
Felicia is . Tyra likes her hair, but her outfit -- which includes huge white sneakers -- is way too video, when Felicia should strive to look fashion. Felicia kicks off the shoes. The judges love her photo. Nigel says that it's breathtaking and completely commanding. Tyra says that Felicia will relate to girls everywhere because of her casual style, but at the same time, she needs to soak up fashion so that she can do both. "You ain't no Tyra Banks, hood rat" is the underlying subtext.
Whitney is , and tells the panel to call her Beyoncé. Tyra asks for a Beyoncé twist and twirl, and Whitney obliges. They look at her photo. Ms. J. says that she has cream in all the right places, Lord have mercy. It does kind of look like someone jizzed all over her. Nigel thinks that it's a little forced, and Twiggy notes that she looks stiff and uncomfortable. Tyra says that the discomfort that everyone's feeling shows in Whitney's face, and then Tyra gives her one of those "Let me show you how to move back an inch and you'll be a model!" demonstrations that we've come to know and love.
Brittany is , and Tyra says that she looks pretty. Nigel says that the hair color is perfect on her, and Brittany says that it hurt a lot. Tyra says that hair weaves are really painful (subtext: "Give me some damn credit for once, fools!"). Brittany slaps her head a couple of times, and Tyra tells her that she's doing the "black girl pat," which occurs when the weave starts itching. Tyra notes that Brittany was the challenge winner, and Brittany totally starts crying for no reason. The judges look at her photo, and loooooove it. Seriously, it's really good. Neeko says that it's Fashion Week 2008. Tyra says that there are no negatives, and Renee wants to eat her hat.
Then there is Cassandra. Tyra asks what's up with her shoes. It is true that Cassandra has some garish style. Nigel tells her that she needs to be a canvas, and Tyra says that the girls should know better, because it's Cycle 8. Cassandra's jelly beans shot is met with stunned silence. Nigel asks to see the close-up, and it's really hideous. He tells her that she needs to show more neck. Tyra says that Cassandra is a girl who continues to "lose her pretty" -- she growls and emotes and loses the face. Except, unfortunately, for the nose. Tyra tells her to practice, practice, practice.
Then there's Renee. The judges seem to like her picture well enough. Twiggy says that the eyes are a little off, and Tyra says that they're almost there.
Dionne is , and Tyra says that she has a great haircut and clothes that look "beyond mall." I think that she might be wearing Ugg Boots. The horror. Tyra has her strip down to jeans and a tank top. She says that she looks a lot better, except for the fact that she's wearing highwater pants. Come on, now, Dionne. Even dentists can look fashion. Dionne has great long, lean, body language, according to Nigel, and Twiggy commends her for being one of the only girls who got the "fun" side of the concept.
Diana is . Nigel says that her face is beautiful, but that he's not crazy about the long shot. Tyra notes that Diana's pose -- which involves standing on one leg -- is really hard because she has no center of gravity. She needs to push her booty out and suck her stomach in. Ms. J. suggests doing a count-off with the photographer. Neeko says that he thinks Diana is still uncomfortable with herself. Tyra asks Diana why she thinks she's so introverted in this competition, and Diana kind of stupidly says, "Aw, I don't know." Tyra suggests some self-reflection. Or at least she could make something up and cry. God, they never get any smarter.
Then there is Sarah. The judges love her photo. Nigel says that, finally, she's brought it, and Twiggy says that it's brilliant. Nigel says that Sarah shines straight through all of her makeup, and that her eyes connect. Tyra tells the other girls -- and especially Renee -- to look at Sarah's eyes in her photo to see how it's done.
Jaslene is . Twiggy says again that the camera loves her, and Nigel says that Jaslene's photo is the most comfortable out of the whole bunch. However, in person, she doesn't look like a model. Twiggy says that the photograph and Jaslene don't always go together. That is awfully true. Tyra says that when she goes home at night, she remembers Jael and certain other girls, but she doesn't remember Jaslene. Oh, enough with the no-personality bit. Jaslene says that, back at home, she's a real cha-cha, and Tyra says that that's beautiful, and that culture is beautiful. For example, Tyra gets all hoochie when she's talking about photos, and that's her culture. In other words, be a stereotype and people will find you entertaining and like you more.
The judges deliberate. Jael's situation is tragic, but this week's picture is the best they've seen of her. The camera doesn't love Natasha as much as the judges love her in person, and Tyra doesn't know if she has time to figure it all out. Probably not, considering the amount of figuring that girl has to do. Whitney is a pretty girl but not model-pretty, according to Nigel. Neeko sees her singing in the choir rather than being a model. Tyra says that Whitney is fierce as Tyra herself is, and that the rest of the judges are just hating. Dionne is starting to separate herself from the pack and is one to watch, according to Nigel. Jaslene is picture-perfect week after week, but her personality is not there. Twiggy says that she comes to life in a photograph, but disappears in person. Sarah's eyes in her photo are amazing. Twiggy quite likes Renee's photograph, and thinks it's very edgy. Neeko says that Renee had very flirty eyes with him. Nigel says that she had flirty eyes with him, and Tyra says that Renee had flirty eyes with her. Renee's eyes apparently alternate between being flirty and emanating death rays. Cassandra has a beautiful personality, but Twiggy doesn't think she knows what to do in front of a camera. Nigel doesn't see model potential. Brittany's photo is awesome. Miss J. says that she's always on the verge of model tear-droplets. Diana is one of the prettier girls, according to Nigel, but could be a lot sexier and use her curves. Neeko says that Felicia probably watches a lot of music videos, and that's what she's become. Ms. J. yells at the absent Felicia to watch America's Top Model, and Tyra adds not to watch America's Top Hip Hop Booty Shakin' Star. Hey, I want to recap that.
The girls return. There are eleven girls, and ten photos. Brittany gets called first, and Renee scowls. Tyra wishes Brittany good luck with her weave. Then we have Jael, Sarah, Dionne, Felicia, Renee, Whitney, and Jaslene. When Jaslene is called, Whitney is visibly upset, I guess because this means Cassandra and Diana are in the bottom two. Diana is so beautiful, says Tyra, and as one of the voluptuous, sexy girls, she should be standing out strongly. And, I would add, not dressing like a pregnant fifth-grade teacher. The judges feel like Diana is fading into the background. Cassandra has a beautiful personality, and Tyra hears that she's the one who gives all the other girls strength and peace and spirituality. But as great as that all is, Tyra's not seeing that in a pho-to. And I have to say that I hung out with one Mr. Djb this weekend in Arizona, and I was of course snapping some pics of us and the lovely scenery, and he totally pointed out that I now say "pho-to" just like Tyra. You guys, start doing it too, so I don't feel so dumb! Then we'll all start saying "towards." So who goes home? The pretty girl with no spark, or the girl with a heart of gold who can't translate it to a picture? Tyra gives Diana a pho-to, and Cassandra is sent home. Whitney is bawling. Cassandra hugs Tyra, who tells her to keep practicing her pictures and her posing. Everyone seems genuinely sad to see Cassandra go, even if they had to know deep down that she didn't stand a chance. Cassandra says that she's going to miss all the girls, because they touched her heart. And maybe something else on a certain wine-soaked night. She says that she's disappointed, because she knows she has potential to be a top model, and it sucks to leave so early in the competition. She says that she needs to practice more, and wishes that she had given more confidence and fierceness to the camera. But she's still appreciative for the opportunity. She really does seem like a class act. Best of luck, Cassandra!
week: the girls attempt a tricky bank heist with an unbelievable prize, and Renee reaches her breaking point, which entails wanting to beat the other girls down. That sounds promising.