As expected, ANTM's season finale offers up its standard fare, with a Cover Girl commercial and photo shoot, elimination from three to two, and a final runway challenge, all in a non-action-packed hour. Though Nicole totally blows the commercial part of her challenge, it is Bre who gets the size 11 stiletto in the ass first, much to the relief of everyone with eyes and a soul. As the final two, Nik and Nicole are pretty much as boring as ever. They practice their fierce stomps in a Gharani Strok fashion show as the judges look on. Nicole really is fabulous, and the judges criticize Nik for being too bouncy, i.e. having actual breasts. As we look through their final portfolios, it is clear that they're both deserving finalists. Then, for a change of pace, the judges pick a winner who actually makes sense. Yes, get out your bug spray, the locusts are coming. Nicole is tall, pretty, photogenic, relatively young, and the newest America's Top Model. The victory seems to ensure that she'll finally step out of the shadow of the sister who has always been better than Nicole by proving that it is looks, and not brains or personality (both of which we've been assured she has none), that make a person a success. Good on you, Nicole. And in breaking news, Nicole's sister has just won Nobel Prizes for both Peace and Literature, discovered a cure for cancer, and signed a contract with Revlon. Back to the drawing board, bitch.
Previously: L.A. was full of blue skies and fast cars, and Tyra & co. culled thousands of applications down to thirteen unlucky finalists. The season, she tells us, was full of wild firsts. From implants (on the shoot that featured our beloved Janice Dickinson as photographer) to talking to plants (who could forget Lisa communing with her kindred spirit Cousin It?), and from walkouts (Cassandra snitting about her stupid hair) to fake-outs (non-elimination week). I don't know. I might have preferred bitches pouring beer on a weave, vagus nerve conditions, and impetigo. Nonetheless, we are down to three finalists: Nicole, Bre, and Nik. Who will be the winner? Will it be Nicole, the photogenic Osmond clone from Grand Forks, North Dakota? Will it be Bre, the unphotogenic rageaholic from Harlem? Or will it be Atlanta native Nik, who is photogenic but also so dull that I can't even think of a good descriptor? Let's watch and find out, shall we?
London, England. There are famous landmarks, there are girls jumping on beds. The girls are Bre and Nicole, who have apparently gotten over the granola kerfluffle of a few weeks back and are now celebrating being in the final three, or the fact that stupid-ass Jayla is gone, gone, gone. Or, maybe both. Bre proudly tells us that she has made ANTM history by being in the bottom two four times. It's good to have accomplishments, isn't it? We see brief footage of each, along with a clip of Tyra saying that she sees a little something special in Bre. Bre confessionalizes that she sees a little something special in herself, too. Good for her for resolutely hanging on to her illusions in this cruel, tough industry. Moving along, Nik interviews that the judges think she's a dud. Cut to Tyra telling Nik that she needs way more personality. Nik says that she thinks she has the personality to be ANTM, but needs to show that to Tyra. While she's at it, she should try showing it to the rest of the world, too, because she doesn't have much footage to back up that claim. Nonetheless...call me, Nik! Nicole interviews that it's great to be in the final three, but it's still not the same as being the winner. And, she tells us, she's going to be the winner. Oh, honey. It's such a bad idea to invite the backlash five minutes into the episode. Just wait your turn like Pigford and the Mohawk did.
Tyra Mail! "True beauty comes from a solid foundation. Be ready at 6:00 AM." They do not show the girls speculating upon what this means, because even a three-headed moron could figure it out, and what's the fun and potential for wacky music in that?
The girls head to a studio, where they meet Jay Manuel, formerly known as Small Orange Man, who I must admit has been far less annoying than usual this season. I even might kind of like him a tiny little bit. I know, I know, I have let you down and you can now tar me and roll me in Tang in effigy. Jay tells the girls what we all already know: that Cover Girl can buy and sell this show like the cheap and cakey foundation that's found on the shelves of your local CVS, and don't you forget it. The girls will film a Cover Girl commercial and also have a photo shoot. The winner's photo will appear as a national ad. The commercial, however, will appear nowhere, because everyone correctly expects that it will suck. Jay tells the girls that they'll be shilling the latest foundation to join the Cover Girl family, TruBlend Powder Foundation, which nobody else has even seen, much less worn. Note that you never see the disclaimer, "These products not tested on dumb-ass reality-show contestants" on cosmetic labels. I am so willing to sacrifice them if it means the bunnies will remain unharmed. The commercial is all about girls with good skin, which seems to makes sense.
Jay then introduces someone who can relate to the girls: former ANTM winner Naima Mora. We see brief snippets of Naima's My Life as a Cover Girl commercials, which remind us what a pathetic future the winner of this competition most likely has in store. The girls act happy to see Naima, but it is clear that, in the hierarchy of former winners, she really can't touch La Pigford. Naima gives the helpful advice that the girls should think about how much they want to be the Cover Girl, and transmit that in their photographs. Nicole is excited and wants to nail the shoot.
As the girls get made up, Jay gives them their script. He says that most people would die to have a cosmetics contract. I kind of wish that maybe a third of the people who really do want a cosmetics contract actually would die, just to help Mother Nature out with the housekeeping a little. I know plenty of plants and animals who could use the oxygen those people are taking up. The script is exactly seven lines long. Bre and Nik try to learn their lines. The stylist asks Nik if she's nervous, because she was terrified about the Secret commercial. Nik interviews that she's studying like crazy because she bombed the Secret gig. But in all fairness, she was rattled by the theft of her secret, and also by the fact that the producers wouldn't let her tell her real secret, "Every night I enjoy a three-course dinner, but I always leave room to have Visa for dessert."
The stylist asks Nicole, who has no script in front of her, if she knows her stuff. She says that she does. Nicole interviews that, to her, Cover Girl is all about bringing out your inner beauty. This scripted crap is our first clue that she might be the winner. She knows she did well in her first commercial and thinks she can be a real Cover Girl and will do well. The girls go on set, where Sara Dunlop, the commercial director, tells them where to stand. The girls have to interact and flirt with two guys who look like they're drum majors in Liberace's marching band. Seriously, they are wearing the shiniest pastel Sergeant Pepper suits that the world has to offer. It's fucked up. Bre says that they're supposed to be playful with each other and point to non-existent things in the background. They do, and say "Cover Girl" in unison. They all look very pretty.
, each girl has to say her lines individually. Bre is first and notes that her shiny spangly skirt makes her look like Tina Turner. I would probably give at least a finger to hear Tina Turner say "And what are you doing, alcoholic bitch?" just one time. Bre does not rock the commercial shoot. She flubs her lines and looks kind of stressed. Jay tells her that, on the plus side, she looks flawless on the monitor. Bre tells Jay and the director to make her have a good commercial, because they'll send her black ass home if she doesn't. Jay is like, "Uh-huh," because he knows how it all goes down. Bre interviews that Jay is basically saying, "Sayonara, bitch! You're out of here." Good times. Nicole interviews that Bre flubbed her lines, and that Nik is making such a big deal out of the whole thing that she's psyching herself out.
We see Nik dorkily practicing her lines and looking like she is, indeed, psyching herself out. She interviews that she keeps telling herself not to be nervous or scared. And then, she gets her lines down on the first take. Jay says, "You go, Miss Genius," and everyone claps. I have to say that I loved that moment. She deserved it, and also looks amazingly gorgeous. Bre and Nicole look totally distressed, which is an added bonus. Nik says that she was terrified about the commercial, and doesn't know where her flawless perfection came from, but that it just worked.
Nicole goes . She interviews that Nik delivered her lines really well, and that she's now really nervous, because the pressure is on. And then, a great thing happens. Nicole totally gets stage fright! She can't remember her lines at all. The director tells her that getting at least the first line right would be a good start. Heh. Nicole gets worse and worse and I laugh a tiny bit with glee, because what good is life if you can't enjoy the misfortunes of others? ["That's what the holiday season is all about, really." -- Wing Chun] Jay grimaces. Nicole interviews that she was freaking out, and with good cause. Jay tells her that this is the moment. Nicole gets kind of a bratty look and says that the lights are blinding her. Well, now she knows how the birds feel. Jay tells her to focus through it, and Mr. Bojangles heckles, "Do it by sense of smell!" as we head into commercials.
When we return, Nicole still sucks. She interviews that it's very confusing how one minute you're on the top and the minute you're on the bottom, and it's good to know that Nigel's teaching her something in those private photography sessions he insisted on having with her. Jay has to feed Nicole each sentence. He says that she walked on set and just froze, and that he's going to have to tell the judges about her poor performance. She looks really great, though. There is no way in heck she's actually wearing Cover Girl Foundation.
is the photo shoot. Nik says that it feels great to know she did well on the commercial, and that she hopes it will show in her photo. She adds that it's important for her to start giving variety in her photos, given that the judges criticize her for having the same expression week after week. They always have to make up something to plant the seed of doubt, don't they? She poses with a giant smile, which actually looks a little weird.
Bre is , and notes that smiling through a photo shoot is hard. Oh, boo hoo. Think about the plight of the migrant workers who spend hours in the fields picking granola for your tasting pleasure, and then get back to me about heavy labor. Bre says that she's trying to think about something really funny so that her pose doesn't look dead and forced.
Finally, we have Nicole, who notes that it's really important that she rock the photo shoot, since she bombed on the commercial. Perennial photographer Jim DeYonker tells her that she presses her tongue against the front of her teeth when she smiles, and that she needs to stop doing that. Nicole interviews that that's her smile, so it's hard to change. Think about the plight of the workers who spend hours reading books aloud to blind birds, and then get back to me about difficult jobs. Nicole says that having an amazing picture will save her.
Bre and Nik talk about how they did, and Bre is surprised to learn that Nik thinks she did better on the commercial than she did on the photo shoot. Jay is also surprised, saying that he thought that Nik would have the worst performance, that Nicole would have the best performance (he adds, "because she's been so cocky," which seems a funny way to judge someone's potential), and that Bre would be somewhere in the middle. Jay says that the girls are flipping it upside down, which goes to show that you may think you know who's going to be America's Net Top Model, but you really don't. Unless you've seen the show already, in which case you totally know. When a reality show ends, doesn't it seem like old news, like, a nanosecond later?
Tyra Mail! One of you stank bitches is going home. Nik interviews that Bre might be the biggest competition because she's been in the bottom two four times in a row, and that maybe the judges are keeping her for a reason. Yes, to annoy me. Seriously, I like Bre well enough, but they have to be kidding that she stuck around for this long. Bre says that she hopes she doesn't go home when she's so close to completing the competition. Nicole says that she's very nervous about the elimination, since she completely failed at the Cover Girl commercial.
And with that, we segue to Panel, featuring what is perhaps the ugliest photo of Tyra Banks I have ever seen. She is crazy-looking and bug-eyed and her weave is all scraggly. I feel like that was someone's practical joke on Tyra, like maybe Janice snuck into the UPN studios at night and edited it in. But before I recap the proceedings, allow me to give ANTM a big thumbs-up for keeping with the one-hour finale format with the mid-episode elimination. I love this show as much as anyone, but even I couldn't take this stupid shit for two hours. So bravo! Tyra introduces the judges. The guest judges are fashion designers Vanya Strok and Nargess Gharani. Just when you think that we haven't met these people and this doesn't make any sense at all and WHERE THE HELL IS JIM DEYONKER, Tyra explains that the two finalists will "be starring in" a Gharani Strok fashion show.
Tyra introduces the girls' completed commercial. The beginning is a riot, as there are the fakest-looking superimposed London punks in the background. The rest of it is pretty standard fare, and also cute. Nik does indeed stand out, as does Bre's New York accent. The former is a good thing; the latter, not so much. When the commercial is through, Miss J. says that he got the chills. Tyra says that the girls look like a rainbow -- chocolate, vanilla, and caramel. Somewhere, Roy G. Biv ruefully says, "Bitches." Tyra says that Nik did the best by far, and adds that the commercial director said that she stood out.
Bre is up first for evaluation, and Tyra reminds the girls that this ad is the first of "many" for the winner that will run nationally. Miss J. says his only criticism of her photo is that her smile looks a bit tight. Twiggy says that she looks very pretty. Tyra says that they had a hard time picking a photo of Bre, because while they were all pretty, they weren't necessarily very modelesque. The judges take a look at her commercial shoot which, as we know, wasn't the greatest. Twiggy says it's a shame that Bre was grasping for words, because she has a great voice. I do kind of like her raspy voice, I have to say. Nigel says that he did like that Bre's performance was very personal, and that her personality was there. Eh.
is Nik. The judges are wowed by her photo. Tyra says that it's a beautiful shot, but that there wasn't a lot to choose from. I somehow don't believe that. Nik also gets big kudos for her commercial performance. Nigel praises her fluid rendition, which was also delivered with a smile. Tyra suggests that Nik be a little more "cheeky" and flirty in her delivery, especially for a product like Cover Girl. She demonstrates what she means, and sounds like an idiot, so I actually think that Nik did just fine.
The judges then give Nicole's photo a tongue bath, which is appropriate, given the enormous proportions of her teeth. Nicole is very pleased. We then see footage of Nicole on the set bratting about the lights blinding her, which she readily admits to Miss J. was an excuse because she couldn't remember her lines. Twiggy says that it's a shame, because Nicole looked so beautiful. One of the guest judges says that it's a lot to ask from the models, but Tyra says that, in fact it's not a lot to ask, because these are the best girls in the competition, and that Nicole was one of the strongest in the Secret commercial. Tyra tells Nicole that she needs to take responsibility for the fact that she choked. Tyra is all about the personal responsibility, unless it is personal responsibility for harnessing your enormous breasts to make sure they don't envelop Liverpool. Seriously, the woman needs a little extra support.
The judges deliberate. One of the guest judges says that Bre would be great for photo campaigns, but Twiggy says that Bre's is her least favorite shot, and that she still doesn't look like a model. Nigel says that Bre is very natural in front of the camera, which is an important thing, and Tyra adds that Bre has more punch (and pie!) and personality than Nicole and Nik combined. It's true. Miss J. says that Nicole needs to get some personality. Twiggy basically likes everything about Nicole. One of the guest judges says that she'd have Nicole in her show, but the other thinks she sometimes looks too sweet and young. Tyra says that they often say that about Nicole, but that models start out when they're twelve years old. Yes, but they look like twelve-year-old cracked-out whores, which makes all the difference. Miss J. says he thinks Nik is great and loves her photo. Nigel says that Nik has a wishy-washy personality, and Miss J. says that she's been consistent throughout. Is this opposite day? I thought Miss J. hated Nik. Tyra says that Miss J. makes a good point, and that Nicole and Nik have been consistent, while Bre has made consistent progress. If "consistent progress" means "performing marginally better than she did at the beginning of the competition while also amusing us with her psycho granola-loving antics," then I agree. Nigel says that Bre is who she is, and that he thinks some of the other girls are trying to be something they're not. Oh, put a sock in it, dirty old man.
A subdued Nicole and Nik hang out at the hotel, basking in their glory. Nicole says that it's awesome to make it to the top two, because she has one more chance to prove that she has what it takes to be America's Top Model. Nik interviews that she doesn't know if she and Nicole are actually friends. She says that they're two different people, of two different ages, at two different places in their lives, and that they don't have much in common. Nicole puts on gag glasses with a big nose and mugs for Nik, who does not laugh. Nicole asks what Nik's problem is and tells her to have a sense of humor. Nik says that she does have a sense of humor, Nicole's just not funny. That is a subtly awesome comeback. Nicole interviews that Nik is a bit more reserved, while Nicole's not afraid to embrace her inner dork. And you have to love that too. Why do I all of a sudden like everyone? It's really bad for business. Nicole dances around and Nik finally laughs.
Tyra Mail! Nik notes that it's probably the last one. It reads, "You can't tell a book by its cover. Or can you?" Oh, God, please don't tell me they'll be forced to read aloud! THE HORROR.
The girls go off to their task and meet Jay. He tells them that the training wheels are coming off. He's not going to be there as the girls do their photo shoot for ElleGirl magazine, which will be shot by Gilles Bensimon. See, you know once the real shoots start coming up that these sponsors are like, "Hell to the naw, that orange man is coming nowhere near my set." Jay says that whoever wins the competition will have her work grace the cover of ElleGirl in February 2006. Oooh, I can't wait! I love a good magazine for teens. Brandon Holly, the ElleGirl editor-in-chief, tells the girls that they both need to act like this is their cover. Nik says that she feels confident that she can get a successful shot without Jay around. If I were her, I would be even more confident about getting a good shot without Jay around. Nik says that his job is done, and that it's their turn to take what they've done and put it to use. Nicole says that although she squeaked through the last elimination, she's keeping her spirits up and believing in herself. She has that kind of dumb confidence that works well for models and other people whose talents lie in their genetics. I think it will take her far.
Nicole and Nik step into the studio, where they see Tyra being photographed. From the waist up, she looks like she is wearing a muumuu. Tyra welcomes the girls and introduces them to famed photographer Gilles Bensimon. Nicole says she's freaking out that they're finally getting the chance to work with him. Tyra wraps her arm around Gilles's shoulder. She is about a foot taller than he is. She says that Gilles is a very big practical joker, and that when she was seventeen years old and modeling in Paris, she handed her portfolio to him and he replied in his French accent, "You are the ugliest girl I have ever seen in my life," and then booked her the day. I do not see what the joke is. But in any case, I do not like Gilles Bensimon. First of all, he looks like he walked off the wall at Sardi's. He also gives off a total Polanski-esque "'Ello, little twelve-year-old girl! Come sit in my hot tub and show me your portfolio. Oh zees? Zees pill I am giving you is just a vitamin. Wash it down with some sparkly apple juice and let Uncle Gilles give you a pony ride on his knee!" vibe. He's an creepy old perv, is what I'm saying.
In any case, the girls are doing the photo shoot with Tyra. Nicole is feeling the pressure. As he shoots them, Gilles says, "No kissing each other, please." There he goes with the reverse psychology again. Also, creepy old perv. He positions Nicole by touching her shoulder, which is also gross. Nik says that Nicole is a beautiful girl with lots of potential, but that she's trying not to focus on that, and instead is concentrating on making herself shine and bringing her personality out. Gilles continues to shoot Tyra and Nicole and tells them to pretend to love each other. He goes up to Nicole and says, "I'm going to touch the winner now." Nik interviews that hearing Gilles say that Nicole's the winner kind of throws her off. I think she should just be grateful that he's not touching her.
, Nik poses with Tyra. She says that her goal is to win, and that she has to show Tyra that she's confident. Gilles yells out, "Love that!" Nicole says that it's intimidating to be in the final two with Nik, because she's so beautiful and has improved all throughout the competition. Gilles shows that no one is immune from his creepy old man touch and strokes Nik's face, saying, "She's a winner." Nicole does not like that. Nik and Tyra pose, and Gilles says, "Love that. Love that. Love that." Just, ew. Nik says that Gilles is playing games. He asks Tyra if he's the one that makes the decision. Tyra is all, "You're on my payroll now, bitch." Nik and Nicole get a big round of applause from everyone and take their leave.
Then, we get a quiet and reflective moment with each of our finalists as they gaze at what I'm going to assume is the Thames. Nik says that she didn't just wake up one day and decide to try modeling. Rather, she's been trying to model since she was a little girl. She says that it's exciting and weird to think that it might happen. A teary Nicole says that she's never felt like she was number one, and has never had the one thing that makes her stand out. This, she says, has been her dream forever. We are to assume that she means modeling, but I actually think she means "Being better than my sister at something." Making it this far, Nicole says, you want to win so badly because you're so close. Commercials.
When we return, Jay greets the girls in the location where they will strut in their fake, made-for-TV runway show. He says that they'll be walking with working professional models, including past ANTM winners Eva and Naima. Eva and Naima, wow! This is really a fashion show of some stature! Jay tells the girls that, while they walk out, there will be projections of them saying Shakespearean lines. Content to leave no sacred thing unmarred, this show will even bastardize the Bard. Nik says that it will be exciting to see themselves on a jumbo screen. I have no fear of looking at myself, but that is, like, my greatest nightmare. It would be like a magnifying mirror times 20,000. Shudder.
Jay says that to get the super-sci-fi walk they'll need for the runway, he brought in "Miss Thing" J. Alexander, who I hope goes back to enjoyable small doses in Season 6. Jay says that the girls will need to do a very fast walk with wide strides. They go into hair and makeup backstage as the "crowd" for this totally authentic fashion show fills in. Nik and Nicole are a little nervous, and are both trying to focus. Nicole says that she's originally from a small town in North Dakota, and that the different world that she's been exposed to on this show is the world where she truly fits in. In another room, Eva and Naima get made up. Naima actually looks pretty. Pigford, not so much. Naima asks if the girls are nervous, and then tells them that they can transform that energy into something powerful on the runway. And hey, that's actually somewhat good advice. Eva tells them that this is their last chance, and that they should give it their all and not walk away regretting anything. Her nostrils flare, so we know she means it.
Before the girls walk on the runway, they go to meet with Tyra one last time. Nik says that she's never been so excited and so terrified at the same time, and I would actually feel the same way if I were locked in a tiny room with Tyra, especially if she's read the recaps. Tyra gives Nik one final chance to say anything she wants before she takes the runway. A teary Nik says that she's never felt so blessed and so proud of herself, and that although there were some people in her life who thought she'd do well, they never really believed in her. Nik says that, for the first time, her father is really proud of her. She thanks Tyra for that. Dude, this is so messed up. I just want to take a moment to thank my parents for actually loving me and being proud of my accomplishments, great and small, throughout my life. Except that they don't actually read these recaps and I KNOW IT'S ONLY ONLINE BUT WHY ISN'T ANYTHING I DO EVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? Excuse me for a minute while I call my therapist. Nik says she can feel in her heart that she's America's Top Model. Tyra says Nik should remember that she's there because of her (Nik, not Tyra). Nik thanks Tyra, and they hug.
In her one-on-one with Nicole, Tyra notes that, at the auditions Nicole said that she was always second best to her sister. Nicole says that now she feels like she has something of her own that she's good at and can be proud of, and that feels good. She starts to break down a little as she tells Tyra that she wants it so bad, and that modeling is her passion. Tyra gives her a hug, and it is finally time for the runway show.
We are greeted with more audience shots, including some freaky-looking people for extra added authenticity. Tyra tells the girls that the show is hard because they have to run down a long runway, but that she doesn't want them to go so fast that they lose their strut. She wants them, quite predictably, to work it. Nicole interviews that she's extremely nervous and worried that she won't show the judges and everyone what she can do. If that's the case, there's a chance, she says, that she won't become America's Top Model. The girls line up backstage as Tyra is escorted to her seat. She has some weird 1940s hairdo going on. As we see more shots of the crowd, it becomes clear that they're, like, fat guys in polo shirts. But whatever. I'm just glad that these girls weren't given the opportunity to ruin a real runway show. The Twig, Nigel, and Miss J., who is wearing his stupid flower corsage on a hat, look on.
Naima is first on the runway and, dare I say it, she looks pretty fierce. The Shakespeare projections are stoo-pid, though. I bet they were Jay's idea. (See, now that I said one nice thing about him, I have to be extra-mean in other areas.) Nicole has a mark on her back that the makeup artist has to touch up. She interviews that she was stressing about it, but told herself to work it out. Wow, I was on the edge of my seat with that crisis! She finally goes out, and I must say that she looks great. She walks in that blank, disaffected way that models do, and really knows how to wear a shapeless yet slinky dress. She says that, while she walks down the runway, she feels a huge surge of adrenaline, and feels like she is the center of the world. The earth's core is all, "I could school you, bitch." We then see Nik walk, and she sort of swishes and bounces. Nik really does have some serious breasteses. She says that it feels amazing because she wants to be on the runway and to be America's Top Model, and that this is the time for her to do it. Or, not.
There is pandemonium backstage. And I should note that the audience for the show can see all the backstage action in shadow, because it is backlit as the models change and whatnot behind a white screen. I would think that would be very distracting. Nicole says that everyone is throwing clothes everywhere, and that she's looking hot and loving it. Eva then walks wearing some sort vest-ish fur hoodie that falls down mid-runway. When she strikes a pose at the end she pulls it back up, because she is a pro. Eva has gotten just a touch thick. Nicole comes out again, still looking great. She says that everyone at Panel always says how sweet and innocent she is, so she wanted to project something different and show them her wild side. Smart move. is Nik, who is gorgeous but still bouncy. Oh, Nik, stop with the bouncing! I'm afraid it will be the end of you. More Nicole, who says that she was trying to bring something different to the runway at every pass, and really worked it out the third time around.
And then as we pan out to show the judges watching the girls, who do I see in the background but one Mr. Djb, best friend for the ages, former recapper of this very show and current employee of ANTM. Who apparently was...in London? Interesting.... But even the Djb sighting and related string of questions about this mysterious "trip to London" are quickly overshadowed by Nik's breasts, which come sashaying down the runway in a slinky pink gown. Lawd. She says that this competition could make her a supermodel, and that it's a blessing for her just to be there, but that it would be an even bigger blessing to win. Djb looks unaffected by this proclamation. We see side by side footage of Nik and Nicole walking down the runway, and I have to say I'm torn. Nik is so amazing-looking, but Nicole just seems so modelesque. Who will it be?! I mean, obviously I know now, but upon my first viewing I have to say I had absolutely no idea. It's a good final two.
The show is over. Nicole loved being on the runway, and Jay tells her that she rocked. He also tells Nik that she was serving it. She says that she's confident and happy, and that she didn't have that before. Nicole says that Nik's awesome, and that she really respects Nik as a model, but that she feels that the competition is for her, and that she wants to win now more than ever. We cut to commercials, where we learn that Nik was voted Cover Girl of the Week. Hey, at least she won something!
We return to the final judging, Nik still in her boob dress. Tyra tells them that they've come such a long way, and that so many girls would like to be in their place, but that they're there because they've both done an amazing job in the competition. But, Tyra says, there can only be one America's Top Model. Oh, I don't want anyone to lose! They both look so pretty. God, what is wrong with me? Janice left and I got all soft. I need to tell someone, "Die, motherfucker," but quick. Tyra reviews the prizes: a contract with Ford, a spread in Elle, a cover of ElleGirl, and a $100,000 Cover Girl contract.
It is time for the individual evaluations of the girls' performances on the runway. Nigel was floored by Nicole, but Miss J. says that she doesn't know what to do with her hands and tends to slouch a bit. Twiggy says that when Nicole came out, Twiggy didn't recognize her, because she looked strong and strutting rather than her usual romantic and soft. Tyra was a very proud mama, but would like to see Nicole look a bit more pissed. Twiggy says that Nik looked amazing, but that the walk was a little bit bouncy. Tyra says that she agrees, and that the walk took away from the strong high-fashion effect. Nigel says that Nik looks incredible, but that the jiggly walk was not a fashion walk. Miss J. just says, "It was a bad walk." Nik knows she's screwed. Tyra says that it reminded her of her era, when girls had a signature walk. A bad signature walk.
It is then time to review the girls' portfolios, both of which are impressive. We see superheroes, country couture, and the fashion witch. Upon the girls' Vargas shots, Tyra says that Nicole has a booty like a black girl, and Nik says "I'm jealous" in such a cute way. I, too, have developed quite the booty, which my co-workers Miriam and Tyanne spare no opportunity of mentioning to me. Both Nik and Nicole have superb photos from Tyra's black and white shoot, and have successfully mastered communicating with their eyes. Then there was The Wild Boyz, Bollywood, and the Cover Girl shoot. Tyra says that both girls managed to be commercial but modelesque on that shot, which was impressive.
Tyra gives the girls one last chance to say why they should be America's Top Model. Nicole is grateful, and has grown to be bigger than she knew. Nik says that she'll be happy no matter what happens. Nik is crying, like she knows she's already lost. Oh, I've never been so sad to see a dream crushed! No, I mean really. I'm normally very dead inside.
The judges evaluate. Nigel says that Nik was a model from the beginning. Miss J. loves Nik, which is mysterious again, because he never showed any great appreciation for her before. She's a bit bouncy for Twiggy. Nicole, however, isn't, and Twiggy loves her. Nigel does too, and says that Nicole has improved week after week. But, Miss J. asks, will she crack under fashion pressure? Twiggy says that she'll cope with it better than would Nik, who is a gentle soul. I might kind of agree with that. Tyra gives the bullshit thing about Nik giving the same pose -- albeit a fierce one -- week after week. Sorry, but they already said they fixed that. Miss J. says that Nik has an amazing body, and Tyra agrees that it's sick. Nigel says that Nicole is a chameleon, and that makes a model. Miss J. says that Nik looks good in anything and can sell some lingerie for sure. Twiggy says that the decision is very hard. However, the judges have finally made up their minds.
The girls return to discover their fate. I'm nearing my deadline, so I'm going to cut to the chase, here: Nicole wins. She looks stunned, but probably isn't. She screams and yells and looks like a big Osmond-esque dork. It's kind of charming. Tyra gives a sad Nik a hug. Nik really wanted to win, and is sad that she didn't. But enough about sadness. Let's move on to the happy times! Nicole says that she was the girl who never got much attention, and now she's a Cover Girl and a Ford model. We see Nicole get on her knees at casting, and I must admit that back then I didn't think she was that pretty and in no way called this. Wing Chun, however, did, as I'm sure she would have told you in a parenthetical if I hadn't mentioned it. ["I thought it was Nik for sure before the episode started, but changed my vote after Bre got eliminated. (Nice try preventing me from interjecting. I will not be silenced!)" -- Wing Chun] More excitement from Nicole, who says that she's grown not only as a model, but as a person, and that this is the beginning of something great for her. Or, more likely, something mediocre. But hey, no more Naima! Celebrate good times, come on!