Well, there goes my pick. The girls have a backyard black-and-white photo shoot with Tyra, involving Vaseline on the face and other kinds of semi-gross things. It is apparently a preview of what's to come, as the girls must go through a day of boot-camp training and roll in shit-infused mud. Lisa is pretty adorable throughout the whole thing while Nicole is whiny, and Nik's pants keep falling down. Immediately afterward, the dirty girls go on a go-see with the folks at Elle Girl, at which Lisa wins a one-on-one lesson with a celebrity stylist. The week's photo shoot entails posing atop a Ford while corseted in the style of a Vargas Pinup. Kim looks extra-hot and impresses all with her ability to be feminine, which makes me think she should consider wearing a wig more often. And then I apparently missed something, because somehow the final two got down to Bre and Kyle, and I was like, "Obviously, Bre is going home," and then Tyra handed a photo to Bre, and I thought, "Did they change the format?" And then I thought, "But they're faking us out tonight and there IS no elimination!" But alas, Kyle was really and truly sent back to the DQ, because being tall and gorgeous and having a great body and actually looking like a model is a detriment to you on this show. Bitches.
Previously: Lots of drama, all of which can be summed up in two sentences. "What are you doing, alcoholic bitch?" and, "What's my secret? I'm afraid of the dark, and I sleep with a nightlight." Feuds galore! In the end, Coryn was sent home when she couldn't shake her "air of gloominess." Seven bitches remain!
And I just found out from the forums that the "You wanna be on top?" theme song is actually performed by Tyra Banks featuring Darkchild. I guess I, too, could bolster my floundering music career by recording "Na na nas" for my reality show's theme song, were I that ambitious. But in any case, Tyra will not stop until a media empire is hers! Gross.
At the Beverly Hills house, Jayla has Bre push and pull her legs, I guess to stretch them out and also perhaps release another shot of the evil that is contained in her spinal fluid. Nik eats a bowl of cereal in bed. She tells us about the whole Secret commercial ordeal, and notes that Jayla stole her secret. She's upset. For some reason, we see the whole thing in extensive flashback. Nik says it was very clear that she's the one who sleeps with a nightlight, which proves that Jayla is a backstabber. And I think this whole thing is so stupid, but you know that Jayla, like, goes spelunking every weekend and is all, "Ha! I totally do not need that helmet flashlight thingy, suckers!" Girl is not afraid of the dark, is what I'm saying. Jayla interviews that the fact that Nik is treating her poorly shows that Jayla's not mature enough to handle the situation, and that she's not going to last long. I am so sick of Jayla, and would like to thank the forum poster who pointed out the uncanny resemblance between Jayla and Clay Aiken. It's the Chiclet teeth. Also, why will spellcheck not allow me to have a singular Chiclet without giving me the angry red line? Fine, then. It's the Chiclets teeth.
morning, Tyra makes a surprise visit! She tells the girls that they'll be doing a photo shoot, and that she will be coaching them. Well, that's kind of cool, actually. Bre interviews that she was so excited: "I signed up to work with Tyra. I don't know about everybody else, but I know I signed up to work with Tyra." And this was my first hint that maaaaybe Bre would see another week. Tyra tells the girls they'll be doing a very natural, edgy, dark, and mysterious black-and-white photo shoot with her. She says that she does this kind of shoot with her friends all the time, and that they have fun. Isn't that like a busman's holiday? I would hate to be Tyra's friend, and not only for that reason. Nicole is first, and Tyra says to her, "And this is all we use!" and proceeds to put Vaseline on her cheekbones. If she ever did that to me, I would kill her and be acquitted due to temporary insanity caused by two trails of zit. Seriously, that can't be good for your skin. Nicole seems to take it in stride, though. And then all of a sudden, Tyra awkwardly voices over that this reminds her of a fierce photo shoot she did with Paolo Roversi. Who in the what now? That was so choppy. Also, the picture that is flashed is not so fierce, and is nothing like the shoot to come except that it's black and white. The photographer, whose name is Christian, snaps the photo. Nicole, as all the girls will, wears a tube top, I guess to give the illusion of nudity. Tyra holds Nicole's hair as the photographer snaps, but more in a "the wind is blowing" way rather than a "make sure the vomit lands mostly in the toilet" way that Lisa is so accustomed to.
And speaking of Lisa, she's . Tyra puts Vaseline in her hair, which is also disgusting. Maybe Vaseline is a sponsor of The Tyra Banks Show. Lisa moves her neck all around in a crazy posing way and makes a funny furrowed-brow face that we will see more of later.
Then there's Nik, who appears to not get the Vaseline facial, and who admits to being nervous. A crazy-glasses wearing Nik confessionalizes that being in the bottom two (flashback to last week's bottom two -- thanks, editors) pushed her back, and that she hopes that she can get her head together and focus more, because she doesn't want to go home. Nik poses with a big palm frond, like a wild woman who is "feeling the tree."
Tyra puts a bunch of black eye makeup on Jayla, and tells her to pose like, "I'm a baby and I'm a virgin!" Try, "I still love Jehovah!" if you want her to understand. Tyra tells Jayla to pose with an arm up, and also notes that she needs to relax her pinky.
is Bre, who is thrilled and comforted that Tyra was there to coach her, because Tyra gives off "this energy."
Kim -- who apparently does not own a tube top -- poses in a bra. This is Tyra's gift to the lesbians and bi-curious of the world. Tyra also tells Kim to look like a baby. Kim interviews that she knows her face and look are very high-fashion, but that being plain old feminine is very hard for her. Blah blah blah, you know the drill, and also...high-fashion? Really?
Finally, Tyra tells Kyle to think gypsy, and she busts into "Everything's Coming Up Roses." And may I add here that Kyle's rack is HUGE. I have never noticed this before. But really, gigantic bosoms have made their first cameo. Yowsa. It looks a little weird and disproportionate rather than hot, I have to say. Kyle interviews that she thinks she has what it takes and can be coached and trained to be the best. Oh, she is so pretty.
After Kyle leaves, Tyra says to Christian that sometimes a photo shoot can be short and sweet and without all the hoopla and THEN SEND A MEMO TO JAY MANUEL, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
Tyra Mail! Nicole picks it up, looks quick, and starts screaming. We see the card, which reads, "Are you a diamond in the rough?" Nicole says, "You are going to Paris tomorrow. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Lots of screaming, until the girls look at the card and realize that Nicole has played a trick on them. In return, I think they should put rat poison in her Chapstick. They can use the old "I thought it was Sweet & Skinny" excuse like in 9 to 5.
Kim and Kyle lounge in bed. Kyle interviews that everyone is going crazy, and that she and Kim joke that they're the only sane ones left. That is quite a joke, indeed. Nicole interviews that Kyle has done really well and won two of the challenges. In what I guess is an ill-timed game of "What would you do if you win?," Kim asks Kyle if she would move to New York if she were named the victor. Kyle says she would indeed leave her hometown of Dexter, Michigan behind, and I think that's kind of a no-brainer. Kim interviews that she and Kyle just click, which is particularly well-timed, since Kyle is wearing a shirt that says "softball." I kid you not. Anyway, Kyle and Kim are BFF. Kim says, "What about Chad?" Kyle interviews that she'll leave him hanging. Actually, she says that she and her boyfriend are from different cities, and that it was really hard when they had to choose which college to go to. We see a shot of Kyle's boyfriend, and from this quick glimpse, Kyle appears to have really low standards. To make matters worse, she tells Kim that she's pretty much followed Chad around and planned her life around his, which she admits kind of sucks. Kim then says, "That is not okay," and Kyle says, "What?" She is so pretty, but runs about 40 watts. Kim takes this opportunity to whip out her Great Feminists of History picture book, and tell Kyle that revolving your life around someone else is not cool. At this point, Jayla kind of sneaks up the stairs and listens, which I find to be a particularly great bit of editing. Jayla interviews that, to win this competition, you have to be smart and not just feed off of what other people say, and that "Kyle does not seem to be the kind of person who is very intelligent." Kyle gives a big, dumb laugh, and so we know it's sort of true, but we also know that Jayla was able to lob that insult so successfully because she batted it with the ugly stick she keeps in such close proximity.
The morning, the girls travel to Griffith Park, where they meet Eric Viskovicz, a trainer at someplace called Camp Technique. That is the faggiest ever name for a place that does army-style obstacle courses. He tells the girls that they'll be doing a series of obstacles, because as a model, you have to be tough, as evidenced by the hardcore strength that was Christie Brinkley in the "Uptown Girl" video, or Kate Moss in rehab. Lisa jumps up and down excitedly, while Kyle looks appalled and Kim lays her head on Kyle's shoulder. I was going to make a joke about Kim's seduction powers, and then I noticed that Kim is actually wearing a flannel shirt. Way to get beyond the stereotypes. Maybe , Tyra will give her a tiny mullet weave. Fierce! Eric notes that Lisa looks very prepared. He tells the girls to change and get themselves back to the course.
When we return, the muddy girls pile into their limo. Nicole confessionalizes, "This is NUTS. People can't sit around and be dirty all day. I feel like a caged rat." That might explain the rodentine teeth. Jayla interviews that it was disgusting, and that her hair looked like a cow's body -- as does her body, I would add. The girls discuss what their Tyra Mail means, and someone speculates that "fake the funk" means that they'll have to fake a nasty smell. Nik tells us that she does not have to fake it.
The girls pull up to a loft in L.A. and are clueless as usual. They look horrendous. Bre walks into a room, and three women greet her. One is Brandon Holley, the editor of Elle Girl. She is a female Brandon, like Brandon Teena. And much like her inspiration, you know that her real name was probably Holly Brandon and she changed it around to be "edgy." And then became the editor of Elle Girl. She introduces Marie and Laurie, the art and costume directors. Brandon explains that this is a go-see, and that even though Bre is covered in mud, she has to let her personality shine through. Really, this is just cruel. Bre looks perturbed. She says that they'll definitely have to judge her on personality, because she's not getting anywhere with the way she looks right now. She tells them that, in her photos, she likes to display a lot of confidence, which is kind of exactly the opposite of what her photos are really like.
, Lisa tells the Elle Girl folks that she'll bring a big smile to her cover, which is unlike the faces on several issues in front of her.
Brandon tells Nik that one of their mottos is "dare to be different," because that's what fashion magazines are all about, along with promoting a healthy body image and downplaying the culture of celebrity. Nik says that she likes to do things that are different, such as playing in the mud, and that she's the type of person who likes to get into things. I don't know what that means, other than that Nik is kind of bland.
Jayla tells the Elle Girl folks that her taste in music is definitely different than anybody else's. Marie asks what she likes, and Jayla says that she listens to electroclash, psychobilly, and hardcore. I will confess that my taste in music runs the gamut from Joni Mitchell to Joni Mitchell, so I have no idea what that means. But Brandon tells her, "You know what? That's actually very Elle Girl," thus indicating that Jayla is just punk rock enough for Elle Girl. We don't get to see her reaction, but I hope she was duly humiliated.
Nicole tells Brandon and Co. that she feels okay now, but that the mud was a little smelly. She then wonders in a confessional why Elle Girls [sic] would want to talk to their smelly butts. She ponders, "Who would want to talk to someone who has rolled around in poop?" I believe the Dalai Lama has tackled similar questions about the meaning of life.
The Elle Girl ladies ask Kyle what she can tell their readers about herself, and she says that she's the typical small-town girl and works at the Dairy Queen. The folks at the DQ should seriously give her a case of Dilly Bars for all of the free PR she's given them. The Elle Girl ladies ask if Kyle knows fashion, and she tells them that she loves jewelry and that earrings are her passion.
Kim tells the Elle Girl ladies that her style is the way that she expresses herself and her sexuality, and that it's the most important thing about her outward appearance. Brandon asks what would happen if they put her in a frilly, girly dress, and Kim says that being versatile is part of what makes a good model.
The girls then get Polaroids taken of their muddy asses. Not literally, though, which is sad. Jayla gives her "punk face," which is, ironically, particularly Aiken-esque. Nicole is asked to give more energy.
The girls all reconvene with the editors, and Brandon tells them that the prize for this challenge will be a one-on-one session with a fashion-industry expert, who will tell the winner how to be a real model. Isn't that what this whole show is supposedly doing? Oh, right. Brandon gives the girls feedback. She says that they loved Lisa's energy from the moment she walked into the room. She says that Jayla seemed shy and like she was under a lot of stress and about to crack. Jayla retorts, "I'm covered in mud and I'm going on a go-see," which prompts Laurie to tell her that you can't let people know when you're uncomfortable. Bre showed a lot of confidence in person, but not in her Polaroids. Nik needs more energy. Nicole has an America's Sweetheart thing going on, which is a look that people are interested in these days. Kim is tough and has her own thing, but she has to be able to change it up a little bit. Brandon loves that Kyle works at Dairy Queen, and says that she's super-striking with great bone structure. She is comfortable in front of the camera, but needs to work on a range of expressions.
Brandon announces that Lisa is the winner, and that she gets a "fashion crash course." Kim snits in an interview that the Elle Girl folks thought that Kim was fantastic...and I don't recall them saying that, exactly. She adds that her posing, as usual, wasn't perfect in the pictures, so they chose Lisa. She says "Lisaaaaa" really disparagingly, and adds that she thinks Lisa is the least pretty girl there. And just because it's true doesn't make it less mean. Also, Kim speaks as if she were somehow in second place, which I doubt. She looks hot, though. It has to be said. Lisa is pleased, and offers to give the Elle Girl folks hugs. They decline, and that's the second time she's used that joke. But I could write a long-ish leaflet on the manifold uses of the she-nis in recap humor, so who am I to judge.
Back at the house, the girls call out shower orders. Kim walks around with no pants on. Kyle interviews that overall the day was pretty depressing, and that she's upset that she didn't do as well as she planned. Meanwhile, Lisa has been somehow cleaned up, and interviews that she's so excited about her prize. She meets Todd Hallman, celebrity stylist and fashion runway producer. He has styled Amber Tamblyn and a fox-fur wearing Portia DeRossi. He tells Lisa that he'll give her some clothes, and that she'll walk so he sees what he has to work with.
Meanwhile, back at home, Jayla and her dirty self are lying on a bed, underneath the sheet. Kim calls her out for being disgusting. Jayla weakly argues that she has a towel down, but Kim is having none of it. Jayla interviews that Kim is really sarcastic, and that she doesn't think she's doing well. Kim walks around and says, "Ooh, life is so rich right now." I love that she is sarcastic in the style of a '40s newsreel. She interviews that she's used to being one of the best, and that she's definitely not the best in this competition, but is trying to figure out how to fix that.
Meanwhile, Lisa walks for Todd, who thinks she is amazing and has piercing eyes that draw you in. Yeah, it's more the "opening her mouth" part that turns you away. He tells her that skin care is essential, because no one wants to hire Leatherface. She obviously needed that lesson some years ago. Todd tells her that if she falls on the runway, she should get up and hit it again. Lisa says that her meeting with Todd might give her an upper hand, which is fine with her, especially if the upper hand is reaching for the top shelf. Note that Lisa has been kind of charming this week, and that coincidentally there is no footage of her being a drunken fool.
Tyra Mail! "Vroom, vroom! Be ready tomorrow at 8:15 AM." Kyle speculates that it has something to do with cars. And we thought she was dumb! The morning, Kim calls Kyle out on the lanai and says something about wanting to be on time. Kyle says that being on time is a good idea, and plucks her eyebrows. Kyle has some serious curlers in her hair, which I find kind of amusing. Kim says that all she can think about is trying to do better, and that every week, she is hanging on by a string. Kyle appears to poke herself in the eye with the tweezers. Kim confessionalizes that she just wants to rock one competition, challenge, or photo shoot. She leaves Kyle to pluck in solitude.
At their shoot, Jay, who stands in front of a car, tells the girls that, during the week, they learned all about inner confidence, and that it's not about what you wear but how you wear it. He is wearing a really excessive quantity of makeup and looks as if he's on his way to audition for The Orange Man Group. He tells them that they're going to ride the fine line of sexy versus sleazy, and notes that Tyra is the master of this genre. In other words, you really can't avoid her big rack. The shoot will be for Ford Fusion, a "super-hot car" that "generates heat." Each girl will be made into a modern version of a '40s pin-up girl, and that the winner of the show will have her photo be a national ad. He asks the girls if they are familiar with '40s pin-ups, and Lisa says, "Yeah, Vargas girls." Jay is impressed that she knows the reference. Really, he is impressed that any girl knows any reference at all. Kyle interviews that she's pretty girly, so she is pleased with the concept. Kim, who is being fitted with a red wig, says she's always worried when there's a super-feminine shoot, but that she wants to do a good job, and hopes that she does.
Meanwhile, Cover Girl bought a fashion show so that Naima could walk in it and not look totally pathetic. The latter objective did not come to fruition.
The girls get made up like whores. Jayla interviews that she's familiar with '40s pin-up girls, and that this is something she can do, so she might have an advantage. In all seriousness, why is she still here? Ruth Kahn, the stylist assistant, laces the girls up in some really tight corsets. For some reason, some of them have wifebeaters under them, which looks strange. Rob Talty says it's funny to see Kim as a girl-girl, and that she looks so cute and pretty. Kim looks as if she's unsure whether to be flattered or offended. Richard Dean is the photographer, and he tells Lisa to give him sexy curves. She sticks out her ass, and Jay likes how the cheeks are hanging out. That is a reference he is familiar with, I suppose. He tells Lisa that she did well and was much more aware of her face and body. She looks good, I have to say.
Jayla is and smiles like a scary drag queen.
Jay tells Nicole to look alive. She says that it's hard for her to breathe in the corset, and that she feels like she's going to pass out. Jay tells her that if she really does feel weak, she can ask for a second. He tells her to give a big, luscious, watermelon butt. She appears to be having some fun, and smiles big enough for me to start singing the theme song to The Donny and Marie Show.
Kim says in a confessional that she is nervous, but that she has some kind of natural talent and wants to excel. Jay tells Kim to think pin-up-y. She poses for a while, and he tells her that she had great body shapes in the beginning, but is starting to get a little butch. She gives a little laugh that says, "I can't believe you said that, you little fuck, and also I could kick your ass with merely the collar of my flannel, or tail of my mullet, or spine of my Melissa Etheridge CD, or appendage to any other lesbian stereotype that I will embody today." Also, she is wearing tube socks. Jay looks at a few photos and expresses surprise that they're not bad. He tells Kim that this is the most feminine he's seen her. I have to say that she does look great. I like a baby dyke as much as the girl, but there's no harm in mixing it up once in a while. Jay says that he was surprised by Kim's good performance.
Nik is , and appears to get lots of kudos, until Jay tells her not to forget her legs and let them hang all Muppet-like. As she ends, he tells her that she struggled at the beginning, but pulled it together. She interviews that it was upsetting to have that be the last thing she heard, and that she needs the photo shoot to be successful all the way through. She might be overthinking things a little.
And then it's Kyle's turn. Jay tells her that she's looking a lot like Ashley Judd. She says, "Do I?," and Kim nicely adds, "You're much prettier than her." Kyle has some major boobage, which is eventually covered up by the weird wifebeater. Nik interviews that watching Kyle was really nervewracking, because she looked gorgeous the second she walked out there. Jayla interviews that everyone says Kyle's beautiful, but that she thinks that Kyle lacks a lot of depth. How surprising that Jayla has something mean to say. Jayla adds that Kyle has to no personality. Shut up, Chiclets. After she finishes, Kyle says that it was hard for her to make facial expressions, but Kim says, "No, it was so good." Kyle looks so pretty. Sigh.
Bre is last, and interviews that the corset was excruciatingly painful. She says it like, "Cor-SET." They tie her up tighter, and she makes painful expressions. Richard, the photographer, says that Bre wasn't 100% focused, but that she was trying.
Tyra Mail! Tomorrow someone gets the shaft. Someone's ass is grass. Someone will say so long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodbye. Nicole hopes that it's not her. Lisa interviews that she doesn't want everyone to just sit around and complain, and that she thinks the girls should all get up and do something. Namely, join her in the world of drunkage. Flash to a party scene in the limo. The girls are on their way to Venice Cantina. Dancing on the bar, shenanigans, etc. Kim is wearing an awful striped shirt and is..."dancing." She interviews that she's been improving every single time, and monotonously says that she's on fire and wants to keep it that way. The girls have more boozy fun times. Nicole says that she's having a good time, but Kyle says that she's not. Kim does a tequila shot. Kyle interviews that she hasn't had the strongest pictures, and so she's anxious to see what her photo for the week looks like. Nicole drunkenly says that she thinks she'll go home, but that if she doesn't, she'll miss whoever is leaving. Nik says that she did poorly, and thinks she's going home. Oh, it is almost too painful to recap what is to come. Commercials.
A black-and-white photo of Tyra paired with a Tyra in a corset welcome us to judging. And really, is there such a shortage of pictures of Tyra in lacy underthings that we need to see that? Her outfit at judging is hideous, with a sort of ruffly strap that goes around her neck. She tells the girls that they are looking sexified. In any case, it's time for the sixth cut. There are prizes, there are judges. J. Alexander's hair is looking very Tempest Bledsoe, and Tyra compliments him on it. Photographer Richard Dean is the guest judge. Tyra tells the girls that, this week, they learned about sexiness vs. sleaziness and having confidence come from within. They're going to have a challenge about what sexiness means to them, and get a room full of clothes and three minutes to put together what they consider to be a sexy outfit. As they are sent off, Tyra screams, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!" We get to see the girls in their skivvies.
Lisa is first, and is wearing a wifebeater and jeans. She says that the challenge made her think of a story. The story is that if you're looking hot and someone wants to talk to you, they just want to talk to you because you look hot. Amazing how she put two and two together right then. Also, not a story. Twiggy says that a white singlet (which is British for wifebeater) and jeans is very sexy, and that Lisa looks hot right now. Nigel says that she looks like a model, and Lisa throws her arms out and says, "Here I am!"
up is Nicole, wearing a strapless black dress and flip flops. She says it's cute and sexy, but Miss J. and Tyra say that it doesn't work for them. Nigel says that he feels where she's coming from, but most of all he wants to feel her ass. I mean, that's the subtext, anyway.
Bre is wearing a tank top and boxer shorts and says that when her boyfriend comes home, he'd rather her be natural than dressed up and beautified. There are limits to that, I think. The panel asks her to put her hair down, and agree that she looks much sexier. Miss J. shakes his hair around too, and does not look sexier.
is Kyle, who is wearing a black skirt and dressy gray tank top. Miss J. calls it housewives choice. Nigel says it seems like Kyle isn't thinking. He says that he doesn't think she's doing it on purpose, but that she needs to be smart, too. He adds that the outfit doesn't suit her body. Tyra comments that Kyle isn't selling the outfit. It's true that she looks kind of mediocre.
is Jayla, who looks especially whoreish in, like, tapered white-blue jeans and a bikini top. And it's the worst genre of whoreishness, appearing both slutty and also poverty-stricken. Inexplicably, the judges love it. Tyra comments that Jayla is having fun, and that the other girls are playing it too safe. She says that Jayla has blown the other girls away.
In contrast, Nik is wearing a simple black dress with her hair back. Tyra says that she looks beautiful, but would do better with a red lip. Nigel says that it's not working for him: she needs to bring the sex appeal, and that it's all about how she sells it. She puts a hand on the hip, and kind of shifts around, and that appears to make all the difference.
Last is Kim, who is wearing a little tennis skirt and white shirt with the letter "A" on it, for Androgynous. She says that she thinks the preppy look can be sexy. Yeah, I don't know. And as the forum posters have pointed out, Kim seems to be wearing a sports bra backwards. That cannot be comfortable. Nigel lecherously says that Kim's outfit is working, because she's moving them from sexy and into fantasy, which is a whole other thing. Kim twirls and shows a little ass cheek, which makes the judges go "Woo!"
And now it's time for photo evaluation. The girls will be judged both on their black-and-white shoot with Tyra as well as their '40s pin-up shot. Lisa's headshot is Neanderthal chic, and the judges love it. It's kind of ugly, but also kind of works, much like Lisa herself. Her Vargas girl shot is also great, and Nigel says that she is really learning how to model. Twiggy also says that Lisa could be an actress, which is also necessary to be a model.
The judges love Bre's black-and-white photo, even though I think she looks a little scary. Twiggy says it's the best they've seen of her so far. She tells the judges that she doesn't think she's on the same level as the other girls, and tends to freeze up when the camera is around. Miss J. asks what she's afraid of, and she says, "Being imperfect." Richard says that she needs to listen to what she's saying, and that this could be an epiphany. The judges like her pin-up shot, but Richard notes that she was thinking too much.
Jayla's black-and-white photo features a tense pinky. It's not that good. Her pin-up shot gets good marks for the pose, but Miss J. wonders if the face couldn't use something extra. Tyra says Jayla's lucky because she doesn't have to do that much: "It's like those actors that just kind of have it, and they just do a little. Like Robert DeNiro. You don't see him in a scene going [yelling] I LOVE YOU." Tyra hasn't been to the movies in a while, has she?
Nik struts out, and says that she wants Nigel to believe that she looks and feels sexy in the dress. He says he's a believer. Her black-and-white shot with the tree is outstanding. Twiggy says that it's raw and sexy, and Nigel adds that Nik was made for this kind of photography. He adds that, week by week, she has changed her look, and that it's good for them to see the different sides of her. On her pin-up shot, Tyra adds that Nik's body tends to photograph slightly athletic, and that she needs to look a little fleshier and create more curves for that kind of shot. Her face looks amazing, though. Miss J. tells her to toot the booty or something typically nonsensical.
The judges like Nicole's black-and-white shot, but Tyra notes that she needs to vary her expressions. Miss J. says that she needs to move from one step up from blah. She argues that she thinks she's definitely over one step from blah, and Miss J. says that there's something about her presence that is almost "lacksadaisical." Tyra tells Nicole that there's one thing her mother doesn't like, and that's when she's telling somebody something and they go, "Okay. Okay. Okay." Well, it's good that Tyra's mother isn't a judge, then. She says that it's defensive and not likeable. Nicole says that she'll work on it, and that she doesn't realize that she's doing it. Nigel loves Nicole's butt in the pin-up shot, but he doesn't feel it in the body. Richard Dean says that Nicole had a lot of subtle variations.
Kyle's photo is a bit deer-in-the-headlights according to Nigel, but it works. Tyra says that it took a long time to get there, because Kyle's idea of modeling is primping and posing, and that she has to know she can be beautiful without trying. There's a big difference between the Dairy Queen and high fashion, says Tyra. Miss J. says that Kyle needs sissification, which means some sissies to beautify her and turn her out. I used to like him so much. Kyle's body language in the pin-up shot is great, but the face is lacking. Nigel says that Kyle has a model's figure, but needs to believe in herself. Richard says that she should push herself much farther, and that she should stop worrying about the competition and trust herself.
Kim is last. On her black-and-white photo, Miss J. says that she bought a ticket on the gender bender bus, and now she's about to get off. He tells her to pull the bell and pick a stop. In any case, her photo is great. Kim says she's been spending a lot of time trying to bring out her feminine side. Miss J. asks what she's been doing in her sissification class, and she says, "Dating boys, whatever," and laughs. The panel asks who in the house Kim emulates in terms of prissiness, and she says that Kyle's really girly. Nigel notes that she's listening and beginning to be herself. The judges are shocked and awed at Kim's very feminine Vargas girl shot. Twiggy says that she didn't even recognize her. Miss J. says something about chiffon and taffeta, and the upshot is that Kim has the potential the judges have all been seeing since the beginning. Commercials, during which we learn that Nik is Cover Girl of the Week.
When we return, the judges deliberate. Kim looks feminine and soft and not at all like herself. Nigel says that this is a turning point for "Tim." Yes, Tim. Sigh. Richard says he thinks she's hot, which maybe means he's getting in touch with his "androgynous feminine side." He means his lesbian side. Miss J. likes Kyle's savage shot, but thinks there's nothing in her pin-up shot. Twiggy thinks Kyle's body is gorgeous, but that she's dumb. Isn't that kind of the definition of a model? They all do dumb Kyle impressions. Richard says that he didn't feel 100% connected to Kyle, but that the raw picture is amazing. Nik is growing on Twiggy, who finds Nik exotic and mesmerizing and says "she looks like a creature from I don't know where." So pretty is bad, and "creature from I don't know where" is good. I just want to make sure I have this straight. Nigel says the problem with Nik is her lack of self-confidence, and that she needs to turn up the volume and become a presence. Richard says that Nik's face is in the running, but that she's shaky in person. Tyra says that Nik was so nervous during the black-and-white shot, and doesn't know if she can handle the pressure of modeling, or, as it were, touring the Cover Girl factory. Jayla has "a special quality about her," according to Richard, and also has the drive that the other girls are lacking. Miss J. loves that she was exposing her ears. Tyra says that her pin-up shot is sexy and tart. Why don't they realize she's a hag, already? According to Richard, Nicole has potential and the look of a model. Nigel doesn't like her moody, teenage adolescent thing. Twiggy agrees that Nicole has a personality problem, but she loves the black-and-white shot, in which Nicole's eyes go through her. Miss J. says that Nicole's eyes go through him like a bag of prunes. Which, gross. Twiggy says that Bre's photographs have never quite worked for her, and Richard says she doesn't give enough options and is more commercial than America's Top Model. Nigel says that Bre has a lot of spunk, which is important at castings. Bre touches Tyra's heart in person, and you just know where this is going to lead. Richard could go either way with Lisa. Nigel says that she's an anomaly -- she has a rock-and-roll thing going which kind of works, but she's also a little old. Twiggy loves her frowning picture, as does Tyra. She is impressed that Lisa has managed to scrunch her brow and leave her lips relaxed. Modeling = rocket science.
Seven girls return to the panel to learn their fate. Good Tyra Hunting says that usually she would have six photos in her hands, but since the girls did two shoots this week, she has...think about it for a second...twelve. Brains and beauty! She calls Kim first, and says that Kim knows she rocked this week. Lisa is , followed by Nik, whose challenge is to be sexy and supple with the body she has. is Jayla. Argh. And then, Nicole, who is instructed to be humble and sweet. Kyle starts crying, since she is in the bottom two with Bre.
And then, I can barely watch what happens . Bre is in the final two because she wants this so badly and has studied fashion a lot, but she isn't necessarily high-fashion. Then there's Kyle, who has all the potential in the world, with the best body there, who is the tallest and has a face that can be both commercial and edgy, but who is stuck "being pretty." Kim gets a little tear, because she knows what's going to happen. Bre's name is called, and Kyle starts bawling. It is all too sad! Kyle hugs the others goodbye, and says that she had all the potential in the world, but didn't know how to use it. She definitely thought that she would go farther. More crying. She says it hurts her feelings a lot that the judges didn't see that she was improving, because she felt she was. We see her portfolio, and I will grant you that it's not entirely impressive. But she's just so tall and pretty! Shouldn't that count for something? She says that it will be weird to go home, and then fades from the group shot. It is all just so very wrong.
week: the girls get a visit from Eva the Diva, upon whom Kim appears to mack. Also, Lisa has a good time with a midget and some other guys. Woo!